WRITTEN IN THE STARS

Nathan stared at the visage of Admiral William Noyce across the vidscreen and fought to keep some semblance of control. The other man glared back at him un-apologetically, his round face red with agitation and exertion. The two men had been engaged in a heated argument for the past hour and it showed. Suddenly, Nathan slammed his fist down upon the table and muttered a curse. “The seaQuest isn’t a ferry, Bill. I know it’s hard to believe, but we have other, more pressing duties to concern ourselves with.”

“Your duties are whatever I tell you to do, Captain. You haven’t been out of military service long enough to have forgotten what a direct order is.”

Nathan sighed and ran a hand through his already disheveled hair. He had just arrived back to his quarters from bridge duty when the call from the Admiral had come in. He had known that he wouldn’t like what his old friend had to say from the almost guilty look on his face. He hadn’t been wrong.

“Besides, it can’t be considered ferrying if you’re already on your way there.”

“What do you mean?” Nathan asked as he narrowed his eyes.

“Lucas has been requested to speak at the conference about his work with Darwin and the vocorder.” Noyce answered simply.

“Just when the hell were you planning to tell us?”

“You’re not scheduled to arrive in New Cape Quest for another week, and then it’ll take at least another five days to get to New Gethsemane. That’s plenty of time for Lucas to prepare his material.”

Nathan finally nodded his head in resignation and ran a hand over his face. “How many do I need to make room for?”

Noyce almost smiled. Almost. “Six only. This conference is highly important Nathan…this will be a meeting of some of the greatest minds in the UEO, which is in part why I’m ordering you to the area. There’s bound to be trouble. I’ll have my secretary send the list of your…passengers over a secured channel. Noyce out.”

Nathan didn’t know how long he sat there staring at the UEO emblem before it was replaced with comprehensive list of each scientist coming aboard and their respective fields. He raised his eyebrows at a few of the names, but his heart froze in his chest as he looked at the last one. Kristin Westphalen.

A YEAR AND A HALF EARLIER

Nathan tightened his arms around Kristin’s slight form and sighed in contentment. Her head was pillowed on his broad chest, with her hair fanned out beneath her, and her breathing was steady and low, indicating sleep. Nathan buried his nose in her fragrant hair and inhaled deeply. Yep, he was definitely a lucky man.

Upon the destruction of the seaQuest weeks earlier, he had finally realized what was important to him. One of those things was nestled securely in his arms at the moment and Nathan didn’t want the feeling inside to ever stop. Some people spent their whole lives looking for true love, and he had found it twice.

He smiled as he thought of the events that had transpired earlier that evening. He’d been so nervous as he’d prepared the intimate dinner for the two of them at his home in Hawaii. However, all doubt and anxiety had fled the moment Kristin arrived, looking stunning in a simple flower print sundress. Her eyes were warm and alight with something Nathan couldn’t name. They had spent the night talking and exchanging stories of the past year, but it wasn’t until she stood up to say goodbye that the air had filled with an almost tangible electricity. Nathan had crossed the room in seconds, pulling Kristin to his body. Feelings he had too long suppressed and denied poured forth in one breathtaking kiss that left both of them senseless. One thing had led to another, and here he was, holding the most beautiful woman he’d ever met in his loving embrace.

“What are you thinking about?” Kristin asked in amusement, her smooth voice laced with sleep.

Nathan moved his head so that he could peer into her dark eyes. He smiled softly and spontaneously kissed her forehead. “You.” He said simply.

“I hope they’re good thoughts.” Kristin replied archly.

“Oh, they are my good doctor, they are.”

“Would you mind sharing them?” Kristin asked as she shifted her position so that she was leaning on her elbows and looking down at him.

Nathan chuckled softly and brought his hand up to caress her smooth cheek. There was a serious look in her eyes that sobered him immediately, however. “I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have found you.” Nathan whispered, almost shyly. “I never thought I’d feel this way again…but, you taught me to love again, and I’ll always be grateful for that.”

Several emotions passed over Kristin’s face at that moment, and her eyes were momentarily shadowed with something akin to guilt. Nathan gazed at her curiously, wondering what he had said to place that look in her expressive eyes. However, he didn’t have long to think as Kristin suddenly lowered her mouth to his. The question he’d been about to ask died on his lips as her tongue demanded entry into his mouth, the desire her touch ignited threatening to overwhelm him.

Nathan awoke hours later to the sun streaming in the window. He stretched dramatically and suddenly became aware of the fact that he was alone in the bed. He lay quietly for a moment listening for any movement in the small house. When he heard none, he frowned slightly and sat up. Glancing at the digital clock on the nightstand, Nathan spotted the lavender envelope leaning carelessly against the lamp. Dread pumped through his entire body as he leaned over and grasped the smooth paper in his hand. He steeled himself as he pulled the letter out and began to read.

Dearest Nathan,
I’m writing this in the early morning light as the sun gently makes its way to the sky. Almost as gently as you’ve made your way into my heart. Even as I look at you now, bathed magnificently in the morning glow, I know that what happened last night between the two of us can never happen again. I know I should tell you this face to face, but I simply don’t have the courage. We both know that a relationship between us can not exist. Our careers are too demanding, and I for one, am not willing to throw away everything I’ve worked for. I do love you Nathan, but I think it best that we put a stop to this before one of us gets hurt. Please don’t try to contact me in any way because I won’t change my mind. Take care of yourself, and remember me with just a little fondness if you can.
All my love,
Kristin

Nathan sat there a few more minutes, gazing in disbelief at the neat, almost clinical handwriting. How could she do this? How could she just walk away from everything without so much as a goodbye? He stood up suddenly, anger surging through the very fiber of his being. He viciously ripped the thin parchment between his strong hands and threw the small pieces into the air. However, that wasn’t enough to satisfy his rage, so he advanced on the smooth wood bureau and cleared off the various pictures and trinkets with one broad sweep of his arm. Mindless of the shards of the glass littering the soft carpet, he stalked to the bed and began to tear into the sheets and comforter, leaving the room in even more disarray.

Damn you Kristin. Damn you for making me care again. And damn you for leaving. Nathan thought as he exited the room, and ultimately the house. He jogged the short distance to the shoreline of the vast ocean and without a moment’s hesitation dove into its waves, letting the current carry him away.

BACK TO PRESENT

It had been almost two years, and the wound was still as deep and tender as the morning he had awoken to find her gone. Only two days after finding her note, he had dealt with his grief the only way he knew how. By throwing himself into his work, barely eating or sleeping, let alone contemplating the tremendous loss he’d suffered. Then when the new seaQuest was put to water, the duties of running the UEO flagship superceded any heartache he’d endured. But now, he’d have to face her again, and for the life of him, he didn’t know how he’d be able to handle it.

He was brought out of his musings as door resounded with a soft, but firm knock. He didn’t think he could face anyone right now in his state of mind, but he was saved from answering when the door suddenly opened and the dark head of his CMO popped in. Her blue eyes were alight with concern and she didn’t wait for his invitation before entering his quarters.

“Are you all right, Captain? I could sense your anguish all the way across the ship.” Wendy Smith asked gently as she came to stand before his desk.

“Intruding on my thoughts again, Doctor?” Bridger returned, dangerously quiet.

Even Smith was taken aback by the bitterness and sarcasm in his voice, and she suspected it showed on her face by the way his eyes suddenly softened. “I’m sorry.” He apologized as he stood up.

“Its all right…I was just worried about you.” Wendy replied as she laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. He stiffened under her touch and she immediately removed it. “Is there anything you want to talk about, Captain? I’m not trying to intrude, but I can see you’re hurting and I want to help.”

“I’m fine Doctor, thank you.” Bridger said tightly as he moved away from her touch. He turned back to face her, his expression unreadable. “Before you go,” he said pointedly, “I might as well inform you of the communication I just received from Secretary General Noyce. We’ll be surfacing back at headquarters in a week.”

“May I ask why, sir?” Wendy asked, deciding not to push the issue.

“There’s a conference being sponsored by the UEO in New Gethsemane. We’ve been ordered to the area…and we’ve been ordered to pick up several scientists along the way. As it happens, Lucas is expected to give a debriefing on his work with the vocorder.”

“I’m sure he’ll be thrilled.” Wendy smiled softly. “Just out of curiosity, is Noyce expecting trouble?”

“Let me give you some advice Doctor. Where there’s a UEO conference concerned, there’s always trouble. There is going to be some sensitive research information revealed at this meeting, that in the wrong hands could have serious repercussions. SeaQuest will be there to make sure that everything goes as planned.”

Although the Captain was trying to maintain his business-like composure, there was something in his eyes that spoke of a more personal stake. Knowing that she wouldn’t find out anything from Bridger, Wendy smiled self-consciously and smoothed her dark hair.

“Well, it’s getting late, sir. I think I’ll say goodnight.”

Wendy was halfway out of the hatch when Bridger placed a hand on her arm. Looking seriously into her eyes, he smiled gently. “Thank you for your concern Wendy.”

“Any time Captain.” Smith answered as she shut the hatch behind her.

CHAPTER TWO

“Why is it just assumed that I’ll do whatever the UEO wants? Was I asked if I even wanted to speak at this conference? No.” Lucas asked darkly as he glared at Wendy across the room.

“Maybe because they let you stay aboard this ship even though you’re not UEO personnel. Look Lucas, why don’t you want to go to the conference? It’ll be a great opportunity for you to meet with other scientists to discuss your work. It’ll be good for you.”

Lucas sighed in resignation as he lowered his striking blue eyes. He was still sulking as he sat on the edge of his bunk, his arms crossed over his chest. Wendy fought the urge to smooth back a lock of blonde hair that had fallen across his brow, and instead shoved her hands into her pockets and cocked her head, waiting for the response she knew was coming.

“I don’t have a problem speaking at the conference…I have a problem with being volunteered.” Lucas finally muttered as he met her eyes. “Is that being selfish and childish?”

Wendy smiled softly as she sat down next to the youth and put her arm around his shoulders. “No to both, Lucas. I think you’re very validated in feeling anger at the presumptuousness of the UEO, however, you must remember that you are here because the brass allows you to be, and if they want you to give a speech or two, then why not?”

“Yeah…I guess you’re right. I just don’t like feeling like the UEO mascot.”

Wendy looked over at Lucas, clad in baggy jeans, a shirt two sizes too large, and scruffy sneakers, and had to laugh out loud. Lucas joined her and put two hands up. “OK, ok, I didn’t mean that literally.”

Wendy slapped her hands on her thighs as she stood up. “I better get going now…there’s plenty of paperwork waiting for me in my office.” Lucas nodded as the doctor made her way to the door. Before she walked through the hatch however, she turned around and smiled. “Oh! I forgot to tell you that one of the scientists coming aboard is Kristin Westphalen.”

Wendy was prepared for any number of reactions: joy, indifference, surprise. She knew that during her brief stint aboard the seaQuest, Kristin had become quite close to the youth, a fact Wendy secretly envied. However, the young woman stumbled under the anger, and even hate emanating from Lucas. She had never sensed this much distress from him, and it worried her.

Lucas stood up abruptly and ran a hand through his shaggy hair. “Oh this is just great! As if being forced into attending some stupid conference isn’t bad enough, I have to be on the same boat as the wicked witch of the seaQuest.”

“Lucas! I’m surprised at you…I thought you and Doctor Westphalen were friends.” Wendy asked in disbelief.

Lucas graced the good doctor with one of his iciest stares and then placed his hands on his hips. “Friends, huh? Do you know how many times I tried calling her over the past year? I’ve lost count…and now I don’t try anymore. She acted like she cared so much about me…now she won’t return my calls. I guess she’s got to many more important things to do with her time. I hate her!” Lucas yelled as he stormed through the hatch into the empty corridor beyond, leaving a bewildered Wendy behind.

*******************************************

Kristin played with the strap of her duffel bag as she paced the small docking area. The launch from seaQuest was already twenty minutes late, leaving the woman in an anxious state. She just wanted to get the inevitable meeting, however unpleasant it was going to be, over and done with. She was under no illusions that she’d be greeted warmly by any of the seaQuest crew, at least those members who’d been aboard the first tour with her.

“Hey, you okay there?” A deeply accented voice asked, breaking into her thoughts.

Kristin looked into the dark eyes of the attractive man standing before her and smiled weakly. “I’m fine Luis…just a little tired.” She replied gently.

“Is that all?” Luis asked in concern as he placed a hand on her shoulder.

Luis Duarte had worked closely with Kristin for the past year and a half and knew the particulars of her history with the seaQuest, and specifically, her captain. “Yes, that’s all…don’t go fishing.” Kristin returned as she arched her eyebrow.

Luis also knew when to quit. Throwing up his hands in surrender, he flashed her a crooked grin before he slung his own duffel bag over his shoulder. “Well, I’m glad, because here comes our ride.”

Kristin glanced behind her friend to see a slightly familiar face emerge from the doors leading to the launch. Although the young man’s hair was longer than the last time she’d seen him, there was no mistaking the chiseled features of Miguel Ortiz. His eyes met hers, but he quickly averted his gaze before he saw the tentative smile that touched her features.

“If you’ll just follow me ladies and gentlemen, we can get out of here in no time.” Miguel spoke loudly from the center of the room.

Kristin heard the assorted murmurs of her fellow scientists as they gathered their gear and began to board the launch, but she herself made no move to do the same. Luis glanced back at her in concern and came to stand in her direct line of vision. “Um, Kristin…I think our colleagues are anxious to get aboard the seaQuest, and I don’t think they’ll be too pleased with you for holding up the trip longer than it already has been.”

“What…? Oh, of course.” Kristin said quietly as she shook her head to clear it. She started walking towards the departure gate, but Luis put a restraining hand on her arm.

“Kristin, we could always find another way to New Gethsemane.”

“No…we went over all our options before, remember? Let’s just get the pleasantries over with, shall we?” Kristin returned in her no-nonsense voice as she preceded him into the launch.

Kristin took a seat in the very front and began to buckle herself in, deliberately avoiding the gaze of Miguel, and the other pilot who was eyeing her without restraint. I see my reputation precedes me she thought with a chuckle. Luis sat next to her and placed a comforting hand on her knee.

“You’ve gotten through worse Kristin…and that was just in the past year. You’ll survive this too.”

“I know.” She returned tiredly as she placed an affectionate hand on his cheek. “You need to shave.” She said almost absently as she placed her hands in her lap and closed her eyes, thus missing the look of adoration reflected in Luis’ ebony eyes.

***************************************

“So that’s her, huh?” Tony Piccolo asked as he jerked a thumb behind him, indicating the dozing woman.

Miguel sighed tiredly as he gazed out across the vast ocean, and then into the eyes of Piccolo. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh come on Miguel…you know what I’m talking about. Kristin Westphalen, the wicked witch of the seaQuest, the—“

“Don’t call her that.” Miguel said as his eyes turned stony. “You don’t know her.”

Tony held up his hands in mock surrender. “Jeeze, don’t get so touchy. If I’d’ve known you two were buddies—“

“We’re not. Look, can we talk about something else?” Miguel interrupted again.

“Fine, fine…I was just curious, that’s all.”

“You know what they say about curiosity and the cat.” Miguel muttered darkly as he turned back to the controls.

Tony refrained from saying anything more noting the way Miguel’s jaw was clenched. He turned once more to gaze at the sleeping woman, but his eyes came into contact with another pair of eyes even darker than Miguel’s. Although the older man stared back at him impassively, Tony knew from his stiff body language that it would be in his best interests to turn back to the task at hand.

“Must be one hell of a woman to get everyone so riled up.” Tony muttered to himself.

“She is.” Miguel returned quietly, although his eyes remained glued to the front.

********************************************************

Nathan Bridger paced in front of the launch deck, ignoring the curious glances being thrown his way from various crewmembers. He had debated whether or not to meet the launch, and decided that it would look strange if he weren’t there to welcome the scientists aboard his ship. He straightened himself as the docking procedures began and mentally prepared himself to see HER again. He’d gotten through tough situations before, but somehow he knew this would be the most difficult of them all.

He drew his gaze to the hatch as Tony Piccolo snapped to attention, giving Bridger a crisp salute. Nathan returned the gesture and watched as the passengers began to file out into the deck. He recognized all of the faces from the communique Noyce’s secretary had sent, but his gaze was riveted to the one in the very back, who had tried unsuccessfully to avoid his attention.

God, she’s beautifulNathan thought to himself. She seemed to be staring at an unseen spot on the deck, giving Nathan a chance to admire her openly. She was dressed simply in a pair of dark blue jeans, and a startling white blouse. Her beautiful auburn hair was flowing around her shoulders, pinned back from her face by a pair of delicate silver combs. She seemed to have lost a few pounds, but other than that, she was the same as he’d remembered. Suddenly, her eyes shifted upwards and he found himself being observed in much the same way by her. If she seemed surprised by the trim beard he was sporting, she didn’t show it. Instead, she turned her gaze to a point just beyond Bridger’s shoulder and eyed it with a sudden intensity. At the polite clearing of throats, Nathan suddenly remembered that there were others in the room. Shaking himself mentally, he clasped his hands behind his back and paced in front of the gathered passengers.

“Welcome aboard ladies and gentlemen. I trust you’ve had an uneventful journey?” At the answering smiles from most of the scientists present, Nathan continued. “The trip to New Gethsemane should take just under five days. Quarters have been established for each of you, and once you all get settled in, Lieutenant Henderson will give you a guided tour of the seaQuest. Now, I’m sure you’d all like to get a little rest, and I have to get back to the bridge…if there’s anything you need, or if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me.” And with that, Bridger turned on his heel and exited.

The scientist stood in silence for a moment, taken aback by his brisk tone and abrupt departure. However, the slim brunette Captain Bridger had indicated as Henderson stepped forward and flashed a brilliant smile. “He’s just a little busy…but don’t worry, we’ll have you all settled in no time. If you all just follow me, I’ll take you to your quarters…”

****************************************************

Kristin stood back from the other scientists as they moved to follow the young woman out of the hatch. Luis noticed her hesitation and nudged her gently in the ribs. “Come on…you need to lie down.” He whispered gently, yet firmly.

Kristin kept her gaze focused on the young man who leaned against the wall, staring at the floor. “You go on ahead…there’s someone I need to speak with.”

Luis also let his eyes travel to the handsome youth that he knew had to be Lucas Wolenczeck and shook his head slightly. He remembered vividly the stories Kristin had shared with him of the child genius, not only because of their content, but because her eyes had been alight with warmth, and her voice filled with amusement, something that had been rare in the early days of their work. Even Luis could see the storm brewing from Lucas’ posture, and he wasn’t sure he should let Kristin tax herself.

“I don’t know Kristin—“

Kristin finally looked into Luis’ eyes and drew her mouth into a frown. She brushed a strand of hair from her eyes and then placed her hands on her hips. “You listen to me Luis Duarte, if you think for one minute that I am going to let you dictate—“

“All right, all right. You win…I’m going to take a shower and relax a bit. I’ll see you for dinner tonight?” He asked a bit uncertainly.

Kristin favored him with a small smile and nodded. “If you’re buying.”

“It’s a deal.” Luis answered as he strolled out of the launch deck, whistling softly.

Kristin took a deep breath and approached Lucas slowly. She didn’t know what to do with her hands so she stuffed them into her pockets and debated how to open the conversation. She was saved from her silent deliberations as Lucas turned his glittering eyes to her.

“Is that your new boyfriend?” Lucas asked sarcastically as he pushed away from the wall and walked across the room, his strides long and angry.

“No…Luis is a colleague of mine…a friend.” Kristin replied quietly. “Lucas, I know you feel that—“

“How in the hell would you know how I feel when you haven’t spoken to me in the past year?” Lucas exploded. He turned around to face her and his eyes were filled with fury.

Kristin took a step back, almost afraid that he was going to hit her. “Lucas—“

“No…I don’t want to hear it Doctor. Everything you’ve ever said to me has been a lie, and I’ve had enough, thank you very much.” Lucas made a move for the door, but seemed to change his mind mid-stride. “Just how important is your work that you couldn’t call me back, just once, to see how I was? How the Captain was? You broke his heart, you know.”

“There are circumstances that you don’t understand, Lucas.” Kristin said calmly, her voice low. “But not a day went by…not a day goes by that I don’t think of you, or Nathan. I know what you must think of me, but—“

“Oh, good. So I guess I don’t have to tell you what a cold-hearted, self-centered bitch you are, since you know what I think of you and all. Do me a favor and just leave me alone.” Lucas said as he brushed past her brusquely.

Kristin stood in shock for a moment, her face pale and stricken. She knew Lucas would be upset, but she hadn’t counted on his feelings running this deep. She tried to hold back the tears, but it wasn’t long before she could feel the wetness dampening her cheeks and blurring her eyesight. Suddenly, she sensed another presence and tried valiantly to wipe the tears away.

“Kristin?” The deep male voice asked cautiously. A familiar voice.

“Hello Joshua…how are you doing? I was just…um, admiring the improvements. I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but this is even better than the old seaQuest.” Kristin said, her voice choked with emotion.

Strong hands gripped her shoulders and gently turned her around. She found herself staring into the warm blue gaze of Joshua Levin and her resolve faded. She broke into soft sobs that were muffled as Joshua pulled her into his arms and held her head against his chest.

“Shhh…it’s all right Kristin, just let it out.” Joshua murmured soothingly as he rubbed her hair tenderly.

As a rule, Kristin was a very private person, and very rarely allowed anyone to see her vulnerability. He guessed that she’d been hurt deeply in the past and now used her formal professionalism as a protective shield. However, working with the woman the previous year had taught him that not only was Kristin Westphalen an extremely intelligent individual, but she also possessed a very warm and compassionate heart. So lost was he in his musings that Joshua didn’t notice that Kristin’s tears were slowly subsiding. Pushing herself away, she let out a disgusted snort and roughly wiped her face.

“I’m terribly sorry about that Joshua…I bet you weren’t expecting to be cried all over when you came down here.”

Joshua observed her silently for a moment before allowing a small smile to spread across his lips. Kristin returned the smile and placed one hand on his chin, turning his face first left than right.

“I think I like you better without your beard Joshua…you look very handsome.” Kristin said absently as she inspected the newly groomed doctor.

Levin removed her hand and clasped it in his own. “Don’t try to change the subject Kristin…how are you doing?”

“Couldn’t be better thank you very much.” Kristin replied as she turned to walk away. Joshua could see the mental walls coming up already.

“If that’s true, then why is my shirt soaking wet?”

“What do you want to hear? Lucas and I had an argument, that’s all.”

“When are you going to tell him? When are you going to tell Captain Bridger?” Joshua asked softly.

“Oh, don’t be absurd Joshua.”

“I guess that means that you’re going to be stubborn and mule-headed and not tell them anything, then? You know, Lucas will find out at the conference—“

“Not true…I made sure that our presentation is the last one. By then, Lucas will be so out of his mind with boredom that he’ll skip the last day entirely. Not to mention that he can’t stand to be on the same boat with me, let alone the same room. He won’t find out.”

“Damn it Kristin! Don’t you think you owe them an explanation?” Joshua exclaimed, his patience wearing thin.

“No, actually I don’t. Believe me, it is better this way. The truth would only hurt more…and they’ve both been through enough pain already. I’m doing what’s best for everyone.”

“Not everyone Kristin…how about you? You’d rather them hate you, than know that you’re…” Joshua hesitated for a moment.

“Go on and say it…I’ve come to terms with it a long time ago. Yes, I’d rather them think it was my choice to leave them, than have them know that I’m dying.” Kristin said softly.

“I wasn’t going to say that…I was going to say ill.” Joshua whispered as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s your choice of course, but I want you to know that I think it is a big mistake.”

“Well, it is my mistake to make and I hope you’ll respect that.”

Levin approached her and put an arm around her shoulder. “You know I will…I just don’t like to see you get hurt.”

“I’m fine, Joshua, honestly. Everything will work out, you’ll see.”

Joshua wanted to argue that point with her, but he could see the exhaustion in her eyes and thought it best to end their discussion. Her shoulders were sagging and he knew the day was starting to take its toll on her. “Come on, let’s get you to your quarters so you can get some rest.”

****************************************************

Luis was humming to himself absently as he stared at his computer screen when there was a rap on the door. Removing his glasses from where they were perched upon his nose, he walked to the hatch and opened it, smiling broadly when he saw who it was.

“Joshua, it’s good to see you.” He said, grasping the man’s hand in his, shaking it warmly.

“You too Luis. How’ve you been?” Joshua asked as he entered the man’s cabin.

“Not too bad…a little tired maybe, but other than that, just fine.”

“And Kristin?”

Luis sighed as he walked towards his bunk and sat on the edge, gesturing for Joshua to do the same. “Well, that’s a little bit complicated, because as you well know, Kristin is the most stubborn woman, no person, on the planet. It’s hard to tell how she’s doing most days because she’d die before admitting she was in any kind of pain.”

“I know.” Joshua whispered as he looked into his old friend’s eyes. “But the fact that she’s still here, more ornery than ever is a good sign.” The young doctor paused as he considered his next words. “Do you think you’ll develop a cure…in time for her?”

“I honestly don’t know Josh…but we’re trying. That has to count for something…somewhere.”

“I certainly hope so, my friend.”

*************************************************** Kristin rubbed her eyes tiredly as she sat up in the confining bunk. She’d forgotten just how small the beds were aboard the submarine. Glancing curiously at her watch, she discovered it was just past five in the evening. Luis would be coming soon to escort her to dinner, another event she wasn’t looking forward to.

Sitting up slowly, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and waited a few moments before chancing to stand up. She walked on trembling knees to the bathroom and turned on the light, wincing at her haggard reflection in the mirror. “Well, at least you look like you feel.” She whispered to herself as she turned on the tap and splashed cold water over her face. She felt horrible, but she wasn’t about to let Luis know that. He worried enough as it was.

She walked back to the bunk where her duffel bag was lying at the foot, and began to rummage through its contents. Pulling the heavy wooden brush and velvet make-up case from the bottom of the bag, she walked back to the bathroom in an effort to fix her appearance. It took quite a few moments, but soon the circles beneath her eyes were less pronounced, and her skin lacked the chalky pallor she had become accustomed to. She was just about to head back to the main cabin when a knock sounded on the door. Thinking it was Luis, she called out, “Come in!”

She stood with both hands leaning on the bathroom doorframe when the hatch opened somewhat hesitantly. A dark head poked through and Kristin smiled in surprise as Commander Jonathan Ford entered the room. She and Jonathan hadn’t exactly been the best of friends during the first tour. In fact, more often than not they were butting heads over one small detail or another. Of all the crewman aboard seaQuest, the young commander seemed least likely to come calling. Unless of course he wasn’t coming to exchange pleasantries. Something Kristin mentally prepared for as he studied her across the room.

“How are you doing, Kristin?” He asked quietly as he closed the distance between them.

“I’m fine, thank you Jonathan.” She answered in puzzlement. “Um…and how are you?”

Jonathan couldn’t help but smile at the confusion on her face and chuckled quietly to himself. “Relax Kristin, I didn’t come to pick a fight. I just wanted to see how you were.”

Kristin smiled and all the tension drained from her face. “Well in that case, have a seat.”

Jonathan sat in the chair behind the desk that Kristin had gestured to and crossed his legs. He placed his hands on the table and stared at them intently while Kristin took a seat across from him. He finally glanced up and met her patient gaze.

“I know that we’ve had our disagreements in the past—“ Kristin snorted in amusement and Jonathan smiled widely. “Okay…we’ve always fought like cats and dogs, but well…”

Kristin knit her brows in consternation as he stumbled over his words. Obviously the commander wasn’t very comfortable with what he was about to say and it both frightened and amused Kristin at the same time. She reached out her hand and gave his a gentle squeeze. “What is it Jonathan?”

Taking a deep breath he cradled Kristin’s cool hand in both of his. “I just want you to know that I’m here for you.”

Kristin wasn’t exactly sure where the discussion was headed, but she didn’t like the almost guilty look that covered Jonathan’s face. “I don’t understand Jonathan—“

“I know Kristin.” Jonathan said simply.

Kristin slowly removed her hand from Jonathan’s and looked at him through narrowed eyes. “You know what?”

“I know about…your illness.”

Kristin stood up abruptly, almost knocking the chair over in her haste to get to her feet. “Who told you?” She demanded angrily as she planted both hands on the flat surface of the table. “Was it Joshua? Of all the—“

“It wasn’t Josh Kristin, it was Katie.” Jonathan said loud enough to over ride her tirade.

“Katie told you? But…she promised she wouldn’t tell a soul.” Kristin said, more to herself than Jonathan as she remembered the day Katie had arrived on New Hope Island.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kristin walked slowly along the beach, enjoying the bright sunshine and blissful solitude of the island. Waves lapped gently at her feet, several splashes dampening the hem of her light cotton dress. She sighed in contentment as she threw her head back and inhaled deeply the comforting scent of the ocean. The familiar cries of the seagulls flying overhead were welcome to Kristin and she actually laughed for the first time in weeks as she watched the antics of some dolphins in the distance.

Her early morning strolls had become a tradition, starting from the very first day she’d arrived on the private island and research institute of Dr. Luis Duarte. Four months and three days ago to be precise. Not that she was counting. She paused mid-stride as she narrowed her gaze to stare in the direction of the small dock a few feet ahead. It wasn’t the supply ship, which was slowly pulling from port that caused a frown to mar her elegant features. She was used to the comings and goings of the small shipping company that brought their provisions and materials. No, it wasn’t the quaint boat at all that compelled Kristin to shade her eyes with her hands. Rather, it was the figure on the pier that seemed to be engaged in an argument with Luis. A very familiar figure.

‘It can’t be her…how on Earth did she find me?’ Kristin thought as she began to walk briskly toward the arguing pair.

Katie Hitchcock was too involved in her verbal war with Luis to notice Kristin’s approach, so it wasn’t until the woman stood behind the doctor that Katie finally turned her startling blue eyes to her friend. Whatever comment she had been about to make died on her lips as she simply stared at Kristin in shock..

Kristin shifted a bit self-consciously as she placed a hand on Luis’ arm. “It’s all right Luis.”

“Do you know who this woman is, Kristin?” Luis asked as he turned his serious eyes to hers.

Katie finally snapped out of her thoughts and turned her attention back to the argument at hand. “I’ve told you ten times already. Kristin and I served aboard the seaQuest together a few months ago.”

Luis was about to respond, but Kristin came to stand between the two and placed both hands in the air in a gesture of peace. “Enough. Luis Duarte, meet Lt. Commander…er, excuse me, Captain Katherine Hitchcock.”

Both grudgingly extended their hands and to Kristin’s satisfaction shook firmly. “So Captain, what brings you all the way out here?”

“Would you believe me if I said I was in the neighborhood?”

Kristin shot the young woman a disapproving glance and quirked her lips into a smile. “Seeing as how no one is supposed to know exactly what neighborhood it is I am residing in, you’ll have to pardon my skepticism.”

Katie chuckled slightly and cast a glance at Luis. “Um…could we take a walk?”

Kristin turned to Luis, but he had already begun to walk away toward the main supply tent. Before he made his retreat however, he turned around and said, “Unless you’ve arranged for another way off the island, you’re going to be stuck here for a week. The ship doesn’t come back until next Wednesday.”

“I’ve already taken that into account.” Katie returned as she gestured to the small back slung over her shoulder.

“I see…well, if you’d like to leave that here, we can put it in your room.” At Katie’s amused expression, he continued. “It wouldn’t be gentlemanly of me to leave you out here on your own, much as I’d like to.”

Before Katie could reply, he was already out of earshot. “Interesting man.”

“That he is…now, what are you doing here?”

“You cut right to the chase, don’t you?” Katie said under her breath as she gently placed her bag on the wooden planks of the weather-beaten dock. She walked to the end of the structure and waited until Kristin fell into step beside her before talking. “I was worried about you…you just disappeared.”

“Did you ever think that perhaps there was a reason for that?” Kristin asked quietly.

Katie stopped in her tracks and gazed frankly at her friend. Her initial shock at Kristin’s appearance had lessened somewhat, but there was no way anyone could deny the drastic change. Skeletal was the word that sprang into Katie’s mind. Kristin had always been a petite woman, but she stood before her now with sunken cheeks and protruding bones. Her skin was a chalky white and her hair hung limply around her face. She walked with an awkward gait, and Katie could see the pain in her eyes.

“What…what’s wrong with you, Kristin?” Katie finally gathered up the courage to ask.

Kristin sighed and looked out across the water as if hoping to find the answer to Katie’s question in its vast abundance. “Do you want the long or short version?” Kristin asked quietly with a hint of amusement coloring her tone.

Katie looked at Kristin with a searching gaze and after awhile, shook her head. “How about the basics?”

“All right…I’m dying. Is that basic enough?” Kristin returned with a small smile.

“I…I don’t understand.” Katie whispered as she brought her hand to cover her mouth.

“This island,” Kristin began gesturing to the surrounding land, “Is a research institute dedicated to rare and untreatable diseases. Putting it simply, they try to find cures for all those illnesses which continue to elude our technology and medical knowledge.”

“But how did you get here…I mean, how long have you known?” Katie asked as she dropped her hand limply to her side.

Kristin seemed to hesitate, as if debating whether or not to tell the truth. “I’ve known since the end of the first tour.”

“You knew back then, and didn’t tell anyone? Why Kristin?”

“What would you have had me do? Take out an ad in the paper, or perhaps broadcast it ship-wide?”

“Of course not, but Kristin, we’re your friends…you should have told us!”

“Is there anything you could have done?”

“Well…no…but—“

“I didn’t see the necessity in telling you, or anyone else for that matter. Why upset everyone over something that is inevitable. I accepted it and moved on, but somehow I think you and the others would have problems doing the same. So, I decided not to say anything at all.”

“I don’t understand you Kristin, I just don’t understand.” Katie sighed, shaking her head. “But, it’s your decision, and I respect that.”

Kristin smiled as she placed a hand on Katie’s arm. “Thank you…I appreciate it.”

A comfortable silence descended upon the pair as they strolled along the sandy shore of the beach. Katie noticed that Kristin had slowed her pace somewhat, and her breathing had become slightly labored. “Are you all right Kristin? Do you need to rest?”

“I don’t think a little nap could hurt.” Kristin conceded. “I keep forgetting that I’m not in the shape I was a few months ago.” She continued as she led Katie through the worn path to the bungalows nestled within the dense forest.

“Have they made any advances Kristin?” Katie asked as they reached the entrance to the impressive building that she knew must be the main research area.

“Well, that depends upon what you mean by advances. If you’re asking if they’ve found a cure, the answer is no. However, we’ve come closer to understanding how the disease runs its course, why it occurs, and so on.”

“Is it going to be enough to help you?”

“If you ask Luis, he’ll tell you yes. I am however less optimistic…just don’t tell him I said that.”

“Tell him what?” A distinctive voice called from behind them.

Both women turned to find Luis approaching them, pushing the overgrown foliage out of his way. His gaze was serious as he came to stand before them and Katie had to smile.

“I was just telling Katherine what a mother hen you are.”

“Ahhh…guilty as charged I’m afraid. Speaking of being a mother hen, don’t you think you ought to go rest for a bit? You’re going to have a busy day and I don’t want you to collapse on me.”

Kristin rolled her eyes and flashed a small smile at Katie. “I told you.” Turning back to Luis she said, “I’ll go as long as you promise to be nice and give Katie a tour of the facilities.”

“Of course.” He replied amicably.

Kristin reached out to gently grasp Katie’s hand in hers, giving it a firm squeeze. “I’ll catch up with you later.”

Katie nodded as Kristin moved further down the path, watching the woman’s retreating back until she disappeared in the thick brush. She heard Luis sigh beside her and so she turned to face him.

“That woman is the most difficult and stubborn patient I’ve ever had.”

Katie laughed and nodded her head. “Yeah…that sounds like Kristin all right. So, how did the two of you meet anyway?”

“Joshua Levin introduced us. He and I went to medical school together. I hadn’t heard from him in years when I received a call from him about five months ago. He told me he had a case I might be interested in…and after hearing the details, I’ll admit that I didn’t want to have anything to do with it.”

“Why not?”

“Kristin’s disease is extremely complicated…and extremely devastating. It’s very rare and affects maybe about 2 percent of the world’s population. There has been very little research done on the disease, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to become involved in something that basically had no chance of success.”

“Exactly what is the disease?” Katie asked quietly.

“It’s still so new to us that we haven’t named it. I thought of Westphalen Syndrome, but Kristin told me in no uncertain terms that she didn’t want her name associated with the, and I quote, ‘bloody, insufferable plague’. So, the jury is still out on that one. In answer to your question though, the disease is an effect of antibody error. You see, whenever something foreign enters the body, whether it is pathogen or antigen, your antibodies set out to destroy it.”

“You mean like a cold, or the flu?”

“Exactly. Handy little mechanisms they are. However, in Kristin’s case, her antibodies are attacking her own healthy blood cells, which are causing damage to her vital organs, like her liver and kidneys. Eventually, the body just shuts itself down…and by then it’s usually welcome. This disease is terribly painful.”

Katie swallowed the lump in her throat and asked the obvious question. “How long does it usually take to reach that point?”

“It varies with the individual. But I believe the average life expectancy is a year and a half.”

Katie exhaled deeply and sat for a few moments in silence. “You said that you didn’t want to get involved…what changed your mind?”

Luis smiled and Katie realized how handsome the man really was. “Kristin did. Joshua wouldn’t accept my answer until I actually met the person in question. So I traveled to Florida and on the return trip, Kristin was with me.”

“She charmed you that fast, huh?”

“Kristin is the most passionate, intelligent, beautiful woman I’ve ever met. She was determined to beat this disease…or at least try to, and she needed help. I was more than happy to offer mine at that point.”

“Do you know if she’s told her daughter?”

“Kristin refuses to tell anyone. As far as Cynthia knows, her mother is here as a doctor, not a patient. Believe me, I’ve tried to convince her to at least tell her own child, but she doesn’t want to do that…at least not yet.”

“Why does she have to be so damned stubborn?” Katie said more to herself than Luis.

“I suspect her stubbornness has helped her survive some pretty terrible situations in the past. It’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

“No, but it is extremely frustrating at times.”

“I’ll agree with you there.” Luis said as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Well, why don’t I give you that tour now?”

It was sometime later when Katie finally met up with Kristin again. The young woman had since showered and even allowed herself a short nap before setting out to find her friend. She discovered Kristin sitting on one of the immense boulders outside of the complex, serenely watching the sun set. She didn’t notice Katie’s approach until the young woman climbed up to sit beside her.

“Hi.”

“Hello Katherine…how was the tour? I trust Luis was on his best behavior.”

“He was a perfect gentleman.” Katie returned with a smile. The two women slipped into a comfortable silence, each engrossed in the beautiful sky bathed now in hues of pink, orange and red. It wasn’t until the moon made its way into the velvet sky that Kristin spoke again.

“How is Nathan?”

Katie looked at Kristin’s profile and sighed. “I haven’t seen him since I disembarked from the seaQuest. I’ve stopped by his office on numerous occasions, but his secretary always tells me the same thing. He’s busy and can’t be disturbed. I’ve even contacted him at home and left him several messages, but he never returns my calls. I don’t think anyone has seen hide nor hair of him.”

Kristin wrapped her arms around herself and nodded. “And what about Lucas? Have you seen him?”

Katie smiled with fondness as she thought of the youth. “I haven’t seen him, but he’s sent several postcards from Australia…he’s staying with his father. It sounds like he’s having a great time, though.”

“Good…he needs his father.” Kristin whispered.

“He needs you too Kristin. He mentioned you in his last note. All of his letters have been returned.” Katie said a bit disapprovingly.

“Yes, well I didn’t exactly leave a forwarding address. And please, don’t bring this up again. If I didn’t tell Nathan, then I’m certainly not telling Lucas.” Kristin said harshly. “Lucas will be just fine on his own…and so will Nathan.”

“You don’t really believe that, do you?” Katie returned.

“I have to.” Kristin said in a choked voice as she stood up. She avoided her friend’s gaze as she slid down from her perch. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll retire. Good night.”

“Wait, Kristin. I’m sorry!” Katie exclaimed as she hastily jumped down beside her. “I have no right to make you feel guilty…I just don’t like to see you like this.”

“Like what?”

“Alone. The Captain loves you so much…and I think it would all be easier if you had someone to lean on.”

“I don’t need anyone to lean on.”

Katie exhaled in exasperation and threw her a frustrated smile. “All right, fine. Let’s just forget we had this conversation, and I promise I won’t mention the Captain, or Lucas again while I’m here.”

Kristin’s face softened and she pulled Katie into a loose embrace. “Thank you, Katherine.”

One week later Katie and Kristin stood on the end of the dock, waiting for the supplies to be unloaded so that the young woman could board. The silence between the two was oppressing, but neither made a move to start a conversation. It wasn’t until the captain of the small merchant boat walked over to usher her aboard that Katie began to talk.

“Kristin…I just want you to know that you don’t have to worry about anyone hearing about this…about you. I—“ But Katie broke off as she suddenly dissolved in tears.

“Oh dear…” Kristin breathed as she pulled Katie to her in a warm embrace. “It’s all right Katherine…everything is going to be fine. There’s no need to cry, shhh…”

Kristin stood there consoling Hitchcock for a good ten minutes before the young commander cum captain pulled out of her arms and wiped at her face in embarrassment. “God Kristin, I’m sorry. I can’t believe I did that…I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but—“

“It’s perfectly all right Katherine. I know this is very difficult for you…you shouldn’t be ashamed of your emotions. Now, if you want to make it back to the mainland, I suggest you get going. The Captain doesn’t look very pleased.”

Katie nodded and turned to walk up the gangplank. However, she suddenly turned back around and pulled Kristin into a bear hug. “You’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had Kristin. Take care of yourself.”

Kristin smiled and kissed Katie on the cheek. “I will, and the same goes for you. Whenever you’re not too busy with that…oh, what did commander Ford call it? A sausage with a propeller I believe…well, drop me a line. I’d like to hear from you.”

“I will, I promise.” Katie said as she walked aboard the small boat that carried her away from the island. But even as she said it, she knew it would never come to pass, and she was right.

Ford stood up and walked over to Kristin, looking at her in supplication. “Kristin, please don’t be upset. She didn’t betray you…at least she didn’t intend to. There were extenuating circumstances.”

“I see…care to elaborate?” Kristin answered coldly, avoiding his gaze.

“Not really…but I will.” Jonathan said cheekily as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Right before Katie shipped out with the H.R. Clinton, she and I went to dinner. We both had a couple glasses of wine…and well, you know how loose the tongue gets. I um…I said some not-so-flattering things about you.” Kristin quirked her eyebrow and Jonathan could tell she was fighting a smile. “ Well, let’s just say we basically engaged in a shouting match at a four star restaurant before being asked to leave. As soon as we got to the car, she just started sobbing. It took a while, but she finally told me about…everything. She wasn’t engaging in gossip Kristin…she just couldn’t bear the news alone. It was very hard on her.”

“Yes, well, she wouldn’t have had to know anything at all if she wasn’t so bloody stubborn. Do you know she tracked me all the way to the research institute on a deserted, and in all probability uncharted, island? I couldn’t deny the fact that I wasn’t well…it was quite obvious at that stage.” She paused momentarily and Jonathan placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly. “She stayed for a few days before I finally sent her packing. I couldn’t stand her pity, and I don’t think she was handling things to well either. At any rate, she promised not to breathe a word…but I guess some promises are harder to keep than others.”

Silence pervaded the room as each was left to their own thoughts. Not surprisingly, it was Kristin who spoke first. “Can I trust you not to tell anyone? No matter what the circumstances?”

“Why don’t you just tell Nathan? And Lucas for that matter? They both love you a lot Kristin, and they’d—“

“The odds aren’t exactly in my favor Jonathan. What happens when I die? I can’t…I won’t put them through that kind of anguish. Nathan has already been through this once and I’ll be damned if I’ll put him through it again. Lucas is still just a boy…I don’t think he could deal with it.”

“Lucas is a lot stronger than you think.”

“Lucas has had a lot of heartache in his life Jonathan. I won’t add to it.”

“You already have Kristin. He thinks you’ve abandoned him…why don’t you just tell him the truth?”

“I’ve already had this conversation today with Joshua. I am not going to tell anyone about this, and either are you…right?”

Jonathan sighed in frustration and rolled his eyes, but when he looked back at Kristin, she saw the promise written there. “As far as I’m concerned, it’s your decision and I respect that…I just wish you’d reconsider.”

Kristin unexpectedly pulled him close and kissed his cheek. “Thank you Jonathan.”

Nathan stared disinterestedly at his plate and moved the limp vegetables around with his fork. He didn’t know how long he had been sitting there studying his food, but he was sure the plate had been steaming when he retrieved it from the mess line. However, as he raised the broccoli to his lips he winced at the cool temperature. He didn’t particularly care for it when it was cooked, let alone when it had chilled below room temperature. Nathan seriously considered trading his plate for another, but decided against it. He could feel the eyes of several of his crewmembers upon him and he wouldn’t give them any more gossip to spread around.

He threw a cursory glance around the room and felt his heart shrink in his chest as a movement in the doorway caught his attention. The tall handsome doctor whose name he couldn’t recall at the moment breezed into the mess hall, his arm draped somewhat intimately across Kristin’s shoulder. She was smiling at something he said, but as soon as her eyes touched upon Nathan, her face fell and she looked at the floor. Bridger sighed and almost threw his fork down upon the plate.

“Can I sit here?”

Nathan looked up in annoyance, which quickly faded as he saw the look in Lucas’ eyes. He had been so caught up in his own feelings that he had completely forgotten there was another person aboard the sub who would be affected by Kristin’s presence. He put on a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes and gestured to the empty seat across from him.

“Of course, Lucas.” He waited until the young man took his place before asking, “So, how are you doing?”

“Fine.” Lucas answered as he bit into his tofu.

“You sure about that?”

Lucas looked up and pierced Nathan with a stare full of frustration, confusion and anger. “No…but who cares anyway?”

“I do, for one.” When Lucas didn’t answer. Bridger continued. “Is it Kristin?”

“No.” He answered sullenly. Nathan cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows. “Ok, fine. I don’t like her being here. I hate her.”

“Hate is a pretty strong word, don’t you think Lucas?”

“Maybe…don’t you hate her?”

“I don’t hate anyone, Lucas.”

“How can you not hate her after what she did to you?”

“Lucas, the relationship I had with Kristin was complicated from the start…and its more so now. I don’t like what she did, or how she went about doing it, but I don’t hate her. I could never hate her.”

“Do you still love her?”

“No. I don’t feel anything for her.” Nathan lied.

Lucas nodded and sighed dramatically. “All of the sudden, I’m not so hungry.”

“Me either. What say we go take a swim with Darwin?”

“I’d like that.” Lucas replied as he stood up. Nathan smiled and clasped a hand on his shoulder as they exited the mess hall.

Kristin sank down gratefully on her bunk and smiled as Luis handed her a cup of tea. She sipped it tentatively and closed her eyes in delight. “I’ll say one thing for you Luis…you make the best tea I’ve ever had.”

“Is that the only thing you’ll say for me?”

“Hmmm…well, it’s the only thing I can say in your presence.”

Luis chuckled and sat beside her on the bunk. “You think you’re funny don’t you?”

Kristin cocked her head as if considering her answer. “Generally speaking, yes.”

“So tell me, how are you feeling, really?”

Kristin rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically. “Will you please stop asking me that?” She stood up and walked over to the table in the middle of the room. “I feel fine.”

“Are you sure? You look like—“

“I’m dying? Yes, well there is a good reason for that Luis.”

Luis jumped to his feet and stalked toward Kristin. “Do you ever stop? You’re not fooling anyone, Kristin. You’re scared to death of this illness…it’s ok to admit it.”

“So now you’re psychic too? How would you know what I’m feeling? You don’t listen to anything I say…you order me around like I’m a child.”

Luis threw his hands up and said, “Well someone has to look out for you…Lord knows you don’t care about your health. Do you even want to beat this disease?”

“How dare you! Do you think I submit to your bloody awful tests and procedures because I like it? Hmm?”

“I’m only trying to help you…you could’ve left the island at any time.” He responded angrily. “If you have such a problem with my ‘bloody awful tests and procedures’, then what are we doing here?”

“We’re here because you want to present me to your peers for show and tell. Parade the sick woman before a panel of scientists and gloat about how you’ve extended her life by a few months.”

Without thinking, Luis threw his porcelain tea cup against the bulkhead and watched as it shattered into tiny pieces. Kristin didn’t even flinch, but continued to stare at him with resentment and bitterness in her eyes.

“After all we’ve done together, you accuse me of being self-interested? Where do you get the gall?”

“Why did you even agree to take me on as a patient? Don’t tell me it was out of the goodness of your heart, either. No, it was to get your name in medical journals and some publicity for your research center. Only, it hasn’t exactly worked out the way you planned. I’m not getting any better. I’m so sorry you’ve wasted your time.”

“I can’t even bear to look at you right now.” Luis whispered as he turned his back on her in disgust. “To accuse me of such a thing…”

Kristin sighed and rubbed her temples. “I just want to let you know Luis that I’ve come to a decision. I don’t want to spend the rest of my days in a laboratory under-going treatment. After this conference, I won’t be returning to the island with you.”

“Just forget the conference, Kristin. I don’t need your presence. You’re free to do what you want. To hell with you.” With that, he stormed out of her quarters, slamming the hatch behind him.

Kristin stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours before she realized that sleep wasn’t going to come anytime soon. Taking a deep breath, she sat up and ran a weary hand through her hair. She walked to the corner of the room and slipped on a pair of jeans and an oversized sweater. Kristin decided that a walk would at least allow her time to clear her mind and think of what she was going to do next.

She wandered aimlessly for almost an hour before she found herself entering sea deck. Kristin smiled softly as she spotted the sleek gray body gliding smoothly through the tank. Picking up the vo-corder, she punched a couple of buttons and spoke.

“Hello Darwin, how are you?”

“Darwin miss Doctor Kristin.” Came the reply in the child-like voice.

She reached out a hand and slid it gently over his head. “I missed you too.”

“Doctor Kristin play?”

Kristin chuckled and shook her head. “You still have a one track mind I see. I’m sorry, but I’m not up for it tonight.”

Kristin heard a rustle behind her and turned around sharply. Her eyes widened as the bulking figure dressed simply in a blue jumpsuit and armed with a broom stepped into the room. She recognized at once that he was a Dagger and her curiosity about the new crewman was understandably piqued.

“Hello.” She called when it was apparent he hadn’t noticed her presence.

He jumped at the sound of her voice and turned towards her. “Dagwood sorry…he didn’t know anyone was on the deck. He will come back later.”

“Who’s Dagwood?” She asked as she walked closer.

“Me.” He said shyly as he looked down at the broom handle.

“Oh, well it’s a pleasure to meet you, Dagwood. I’m Kristin.” She said, extending her hand. He looked at it a moment before finally taking it gently in his own. He didn’t squeeze, but merely held it in his own.

“Do you usually work this late?” She asked as he relinquished her hand.

“Mmm hmm…Dagwood works when everyone is asleep.”

“Do you like it here, Dagwood?”

He smiled brightly and nodded his head. “Dagwood has friends here. The Captain, and Lucas, and Piccolo, and well, lots more. Dagwood is very happy here.”

“Well I’m glad to hear it.”

“Dagwood play.” Darwin chimed in from behind them.

Both Kristin and Dagwood shared a laugh as they walked over towards the tank. Kristin was suddenly hit with a wave of dizziness and she grabbed her giant companion’s arm to steady herself.

“Is Kristin ok? Should Dagwood call for the doctor?”

“No no…I’ll be all right in just a few seconds. I’m just a little under the weather.” She explained as she slid to the ground, her back leaning against the tank.

Dagwood stood over her, unsure of what he should do. He was about to head for med bay when Captain Bridger entered, deep in thought. He didn’t see Kristin and greeted the Dagger.

“How’s it going, Dag?”

Kristin was sure her heart stopped beating in her chest as Nathan finally noticed her presence. His brow furrowed in confusion for a moment as he looked between Kristin and Dagwood. “What’s going on here?”

“Nothing.” Kristin answered as she climbed to her feet, clutching the rim of the moon pool for support. “If, um, you’ll excuse me…”

She walked out into the corridor, resting against the bulkhead for a moment before continuing to her quarters on wobbly legs. She hadn’t walked far before she felt a hand on her shoulder. Kristin turned around and found herself staring into an amazing pair of blue eyes, filled now with concern.

“Are you all right, Kristin? You don’t look so well.” Nathan whispered as he looked deeply into her eyes.

“I’m fine…I’m just tired. I’ve been working a little too hard lately. How about you?”

Nathan shoved his hands into the pockets of his khaki pants and smiled. “Oh, I’m not doing so bad. Same old, same old.”

Kristin nodded and the pair fell into an awkward silence. Bridger cleared his throat and finally said, “Well, if you’re sure you’re all right, I’m going to go and finish some, um, reports.”

“Yes, of course.”

Nathan began to move away but suddenly stopped in his tracks. No, he wasn’t going to let her off that easy. “Damn it, Kristin. Hold on a minute.”

Kristin winced and closed her eyes briefly. She had been waiting for this moment since she boarded the vessel, and though she wasn’t looking forward to it, she was slightly relieved. Kristin turned around the face the man she loved so dearly, mentally preparing herself for any number of situations.

“What in the hell do you think you’re doing?” Nathan began. “You think that by suddenly coming back here you can hurt me anymore than you already have?”

“Nathan, I’m not here to—“

“I’ve moved on Kristin…a long time ago. You don’t have the power to hurt me, but there is someone suffering on this boat. Maybe you failed to take his feelings into account, but I’m the one who has to pick up the pieces when you leave again.”

“If you’re talking about Lucas—“

“Well who else would I be talking about Kristin? Is there someone else aboard this boat you’ve managed to manipulate?”

“I never manipulated—“

“Save it. You made that boy care about you, and you pretended to care about him. I can understand things not working out between us. I know it was purely physical attraction, and that one of us was going to walk out sooner or later. I don’t particularly like the cowardly way you handled it, but I understand. But to cut all ties with Lucas? I never thought you capable of it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry isn’t going to cut it. You’ll be out of our lives again in a few days, but until then, I want you to stay away from Lucas. Is that clear?”

Kristin merely nodded and watched through tear-filled eyes as Nathan stormed down the corridor. All she wanted to do was sink to the floor in a pitiful heap, but she refused to give in to the impulse. She’d wait until she was safely in her quarters before breaking down. Once the hatch was shut firmly behind her, she sat down heavily on one of the chairs and buried her face in her hands.

Had he meant what he said? About their relationship being based on physical attraction? Had she been deceiving herself all those months? She’d been sure their love was real and pure, even before they’d consummated it. Maybe he’d just said that to hurt her? No, she’d seen the hard look in his eyes and knew his words were genuine. God, what a fool she’d been.

“I guess it’s a good thing I did leave then.” She whispered to herself as she rubbed her eyes. She realized her hands were shaking wildly and she set them flat upon the table to steady them. She also became aware of the acute twinge in her abdomen. Kristin gritted her teeth, knowing the pain would pass in a minute or two. The sharp throbbing had become more frequent and intense over the past few weeks, but she had learned to deal with it. It was just another reminder that her body was slowly breaking down.

Her body naturally relaxed as the pain subsided and only a dull ache remained. Kristin stood up and crossed over to the bathroom, taking a moment to wash her face and comb her unruly hair. She didn’t want to look like a wreck when she spoke to Cynthia. Kristin had decided to call her daughter and inform her of her condition. It would give the young woman time to process the news before Kristin showed up on her doorstep. She hoped she was doing the right thing.

She glanced at her watch and calculated that Cynthia would just be getting home from work. She took one last glance in the mirror before walking to the vidscreen and sitting down in the uncomfortable chair. With trembling fingers, she dialed the number and waited anxiously. Within a few moments the UEO emblem was replaced with the tired face of Cynthia. She broke out into a smile when she realized who was on the other end of the link.

“Mom! How are you? I haven’t heard from you in ages…and what are you doing on the SeaQuest?”

Kristin smiled and said, “I’m sorry darling. I’ve been extremely busy lately. I’m on this whale because I’m on my way to a conference and the UEO kindly offered the SeaQuest as transportation.”

“How are…um, how’s Nathan? And Lucas?” Cynthia asked cautiously. Lucas had contacted her on numerous occasions asking for Kristin’s whereabouts. Although she didn’t agree with her mother’s actions, she’d never questioned them. Knowing that there had to be a good reason behind them.

“They’re fine…neither one is too keen on speaking to me at the moment…which I understand completely, believe me. But um…I didn’t call to talk about them.”

“You’re scaring me, mom.”

“I’m sorry Cynny…God, I don’t want to do this over the vidphone, but I think it’s best this way.”

“What is it?”

“Cynthia…sweetheart. I haven’t been completely honest with you about the past year and a half.”

The young woman leaned closer to the screen and cleared her throat. “What do you mean? What haven’t you been ‘completely honest’ about?”

“I haven’t been working on New Hope Island as a doctor…I’ve been there as a patient.”

“But…but I thought the institute was for rare and untreatable diseases…” Cynthia trailed off as the implications set in. Her eyes filled with tears and her face scrunched up in grief. “No mom…”

“I’m sorry.” Kristin replied as she wiped at her own eyes. She touched the screen and said, “I…I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want to worry you. We were very optimistic that we’d be able to find a cure or at least a progressive treatment. But um…well I’m afraid that we’ve been disappointed in that respect.”

“What are you telling me, mom?” Cynthia choked out.

“I have a month, maybe two, before—“

“No!” Cynthia shrieked, banging her fists down upon the table. “There must be a mistake.”

Kristin smiled through the tears and shook her head sadly. “I know this is upsetting, but believe me, we’ve exhausted every possible avenue. I’ve been a guinea pig for the last year and a half and I just can’t do it anymore. I’m tired.” Kristin sighed and continued, “So…I thought that I’d come and stay with you for a few days.”

Kristin waited several minutes for Cynthia’s response, but the young woman remained unnaturally quiet. When she finally did speak, her voice was cold and emotionless. “Is this why you refused to speak to Lucas, or see Captain Bridger?” When Kristin nodded, her daughter continued, “I can’t do it, mom. I can’t watch you die. Don’t ask me to do that.”

“I understand, Cynny. And I don’t blame you. But I thought that we could spend just a little—“

“I said no mom. I don’t want to see you. I’m not strong enough to deal with this. There must be somewhere you could go…”

“Honey, I’m not worried about that…I’m worried about you. I’m not asking to stay with you until…” Kristin paused and took a deep breath before continuing, “The end. I just want to see you. There are some things I’d like to say to you. I’ll only stay a couple of days”

“I can’t think right now, mom. Can you call back sometime tomorrow?”

“Of course.” She replied just as Cynthia cut the connection. “I love you.” She said to the blank screen.

Joshua Levin walked into the mess hall and smiled as he spotted Luis sitting at a corner table. He was idly surprised to find his friend eating by himself and wondered where Kristin was. He glanced at his watch and raised an eyebrow. It was only six am; she was probably still sleeping.

After filling his tray with various breakfast items, Joshua headed towards Luis and sat down in the seat opposite him. “So, what are you doing up so early?” He greeted good-naturedly.

“Couldn’t sleep.” Luis answered morosely.

“Couldn’t eat either, hmm?” Joshua replied, nodding towards the untouched plate. “Is something wrong?”

“No, everything’s fine.”

“Is this about Kristin? Where is she?”

“I don’t know, and frankly I don’t care.” Luis said angrily as he pushed his plate away and met Joshua’s gaze squarely. “I’m wiping my hands of her, Josh. I know you’re her friend, but—“

“Wait, hold on a minute. Why don’t you slow down and tell me where all of this is coming from.”

Luis sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, can we talk about this some other time? I’m really not in the mood.”

“Well I want to know what the hell is going on, so you’ll just have to sit here and bear with me.”

“She doesn’t want to continue the research.” Luis said simply as he leaned back in his chair. “She won’t be attending the conference, and she won’t be coming back to the island with me.”

“What?” Joshua asked in disbelief.

“She told me in no uncertain terms exactly what she thinks of me and my research, and I can assure you that it wasn’t very pleasant.”

“After all you’ve done? I don’t believe it.”

“Well believe it, my friend, because she made it very clear to me last night that our work together means nothing to her.”

“I’m going to kill her.”

Joshua barged into Kristin’s quarters without knocking and was only mildly surprised to find her bed empty. Levin was an even-tempered man and rarely let anything anger or upset him, but Kristin had gone too far. Luis was one of the most altruistic men he’d ever met, and he’d be damned if he was going to let anyone say otherwise.

His eyes focused on the light in the bathroom and he strode across the cabin, pushing open the slightly ajar door. He was immediately on his knees beside Kristin, holding back her hair as she retched into the toilet. She didn’t seem startled at his sudden appearance, but she forcefully pushed his hands away.

“Get out of here, Joshua.” She muttered weakly. She turned her pleading eyes towards him and whispered, “Please.”

He was so taken aback by her gaunt features that he could only sit there dumbly for a few moments. Levin shook his head as if to clear his thoughts and then obeyed her entreaty, closing the bathroom door behind him gently.

He walked over to the table and sat down, leaning his forehead on his folded hands. Kristin had looked so small and vulnerable crouched on the bathroom floor and he couldn’t erase the image from his mind. He knew instinctively that this was why she didn’t want him there. She didn’t want him to witness her weakness.

A few minutes passed before he heard the sound of the shower, and then a few more before the door opened hesitantly. Kristin emerged slightly pink from the hot shower, clothed in a stark white robe. She had wrapped a towel around her damp hair and stood before him now with her arms folded across her chest.

“What are you doing here, Joshua?”

“Does that happen every morning?” He asked despite the tone of her voice.

She closed her eyes briefly and nodded affirmatively. “It’s a side-effect of the chemical treatments. I’ve gotten used to it. I’m sorry you had to see it, but if you would have knocked then—“

“How long has it been going on?” He interrupted.

Kristin sighed, but sensing his distress she answered. “We started the chemical treatments almost eight months ago.”

“You’ve woken up like that every morning for the past eight months?”

“Is there a point to this, Joshua?”

“I just had a very interesting conversation with Luis. How could you hurt him like that?”

“I didn’t mean to hurt him, but it seems to be a hazard when dealing with me lately.” She answered as she sat on her bunk. “I’ll apologize to him, but I’m not changing my mind. I won’t go back.”

“Just like that, huh? How can you turn your back on your research?”

“You want to know how? I’ll bloody well show you how…” Kristin said angrily as she jumped to her feet and walked towards him. Thrusting her left arm forward she pulled up the sleeve of the robe. Her forearm was marred by long, angry scars; remnants of needles and I.V.s. “I assure you the right arm is identical.” She proceeded to prop her right leg on the chair beside Joshua, pulling up the robe again. He winced at the dark bruises covering her calf and lower thigh.

He stared in confusion as she stalked back towards the bathroom. She threw something at him from the doorway and he reflexively caught it. Joshua looked down at the auburn wig in his hands and almost gasped in surprise when she pulled the towel from her head. Instead of the rich, dark mane he expected, Kristin stood before him nearly bald. There were tears in her dark eyes as she said, “Is this good enough for you?”

“Oh God…I had no idea…” He trailed off as he stared at her. She ran her hand over her head self-consciously, but made no move to retrieve the hairpiece Joshua now held in his hands. Kristin was still beautiful to him, even in her frailty.

“No, of course you didn’t. How could you? I tried Joshua, I really did. I kept telling myself that it was all worth it because we’d find a way to destroy this damn disease…but look at me. We’ve only delayed the inevitable, and that simply isn’t good enough for me anymore.”

Kristin’s chest was heaving with indignation as she sat down on her bunk again. “There are a lot of things I haven’t done yet, and I’m not going to be able to do them on that island. I’m going to live these last two months to the fullest…even if it kills me.” She smiled ironically.

Joshua stood up and walked over to Kristin. He fell to his knees before her and took one of her hands in his own, bringing it to his lips. “You have more courage than anyone I’ve ever met Kristin Westphalen and I’m honored to have known you.”

“Well I’m not dead yet, Levin. Save all that for my funeral…it sounds nice.” At the look that crossed her friend’s face, Kristin continued, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Bad joke.”

“What are you going to do, now?” He asked in a choked voice.

Kristin sighed and shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t really know yet.”

“I suppose you’re going to spend some time with Cynthia?”

“Hmm…I think the jury is still out on that one.”

“Kristin, you have to tell her.” Joshua chided.

“Oh, well I did that last night.” Kristin admitted as she lowered her eyes to their joined hands. “I’m afraid she didn’t take the news too well.”

“So what does that mean?”

“It means that she’s not sure if she wants to see me.” She replied as a lone tear trailed down her cheek.

“But…why not?”

Kristin laughed humorlessly and met his gaze again. “I’ve had to be mother and father to her for a lot of years, Joshua. I’ll admit that I was very hard on her sometimes, but I had to be. I had to be strong for her…for both of us. I um…I don’t think she can stand to see me weakened. I can sympathize. I don’t even like to look in the mirror. I hope she’ll change her mind, but I can’t force myself on her.”

Joshua nodded and joined her on the bunk, placing his arm around her shoulders. “Do you think telling her was difficult?”

Kristin shrugged again and wiped at her face. “You know, it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.”

“Well, now it’ll be easier to tell Nathan and Lucas.”

“I’m too tired for this Joshua. Please don’t.”

Joshua turned to Kristin and took her face in both of his hands forcing her to look into his eyes. “I understood your reasoning before Kristin. You and Luis were still hopeful that you’d find a cure and you didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up. I didn’t like it, but I understood. But it’s different now. You have two months Kristin…wouldn’t you rather spend them with Lucas and Nathan?”

“I don’t know.” She admitted. “I don’t want to be a burden.”

“If situations were reversed, and Nathan was the sick one. Would you like him to tell you?”

“Of course, but our situations are different…he’s already been through this once with Carol. I don’t want to put him through it again.”

“Why don’t you think of yourself for once? Do you want to die alone?”

“I’ve been alone most of my life, Joshua. I didn’t need anyone then, and I don’t need anyone now.”

“You’re so wrong Kristin.” Joshua replied sadly as he placed a gentle kiss upon her forehead. “I should be going now. I’m an hour late for my shift…and you need to think about a few things. You want to have dinner together later on tonight?”

“I think I should like that very much.” Kristin assented as Joshua stood and walked to the hatch.

“I hope you consider some of the things I’ve said, Kristin. You deserve to be happy.” He whispered just before he shut the door behind him.

“So do Lucas and Nathan.” Kristin said to herself.

“Can I talk to you for a minute, Luis.”

Kristin stood before her friend and colleague of the last year and smiled anxiously. Joshua had graciously offered Luis some workspace in one of the labs, and he was now staring intently at his computer screen. He didn’t even raise his eyes to look at her as he spoke.

“Actually, I’m quite busy right now.”

Kristin wasn’t the least bit rebuffed as she looked around her. There were various crewmembers around, some she recognized, most she didn’t. However, all of them were observing the pair covertly. Without hesitation, she pulled up a stool and sat down, placing her hands on the counter top.

“I was out of line last night. I’m terribly sorry for the horrible things I said to you. You’ve done a lot for me, and I am—“

“Look Dr. Westphalen, as I stated earlier, I am very busy. Some of us care about our work.”

“That isn’t fair Luis.”

“Well, life isn’t fair. You’ve made your feelings perfectly clear, and—“

“Will you at least look at me if you’re going to insult me?”

“I’m sorry, is this better?” He asked sarcastically as he turned his hard eyes upon her.

“Yes.” Kristin swallowed as she straightened her back. “If you never want to talk to me again, that’s fine. But you will listen to what I have to say. You’re a brilliant scientist Luis Duarte, and you’ve been an even better friend. I just want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”

She waited expectantly for a response and was greatly disappointed when he turned his attention back to the screen in front of him. She sighed audibly and stood up. “Well…I won’t take up anymore of your time. Good luck, Luis.” She walked behind him and placed a kiss on his cheek spontaneously. “Be happy.” She whispered as she exited the lab.

“Dr. Westphalen?”

Kristin looked up from the medical journal she’d been engrossed in and smiled at the pretty brunette in front of her. “Yes?”

“Hi, I’m Doctor Wendy Smith…CMO aboard the SeaQuest.”

“Oh, how do you do?” She replied as she offered her hand.

Wendy shook it enthusiastically and smiled brilliantly. “May I sit down?”

“Of course.”

“I just came in to grab some coffee and I saw you sitting here. I wanted to introduce myself. I’m a big fan of yours, Dr. Westphalen.”

“Oh please, call me Kristin.”

“Only if you’ll call me Wendy.”

“I think I can manage that. I should tell you that I’m a fan of yours as well. I read your article on criminal psychotherapy…exceptional.”

“Well then you know that I’m –“

“A telepath? Yes.”

“Oh good. I’m never quite sure how to tell people that.”

“Yes, I’m sure that would cause some problems.” Kristin chuckled. “Have you gotten any resistance from the crew?”

Wendy rolled her eyes and nodded. “Only Captain Bridger. I think he’s warming up to the idea now, though.”

Kristin smiled and looked at Wendy knowingly. “Nathan can be a bit…um, stubborn at times.”

“That’s one word for it.” Wendy agreed.

“Oh, it’s all part of his charm.” Kristin responded sarcastically. “Seriously though…how has he been, really?”

Wendy debated about whether it was proper to talk about her senior officer with Kristin, but seeing the look in her brown eyes, she decided that whatever problems had arisen between the two, she still obviously cared about Bridger. “He’s a bit uptight at times, prone to depression some days, a classic work-a-holic, but that comes with command. On the whole, I’d say he’s fine.”

“Happy?”

Wendy shook her head sadly. “I really don’t know how to answer that. I know he loves his work, and he thrives here on the boat. But I don’t know if I’d characterize him as happy.”

“And Lucas?”

“He’s your typical teenager. Lucas is a hyper, smart-ass with a streak of rebelliousness. But I’d say he’s happy here. He really loves and admires the Captain.”

“How are things going with his father?”

“He doesn’t talk about him too much to me, but I know he communicates with him at least once a week. I think some of those scars are starting to heal.”

Kristin smiled. “Well that is certainly good news.”

“Can I ask you a question now, Kristin? You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.”

Although Kristin eyed the other doctor warily, she nodded her assent. “Sure…ask away.”

“Why are you asking these questions about Lucas and Captain Bridger?”

“I’d ask them myself…but I don’t think they’d answer honestly. Hell, I don’t even think they’d stick around until I finished the question.”

“Is there something else?”

Kristin paused a moment before answering. “I’m in a bit of a quandary you see, and your answers will help me decide what I’m going to do.”

“You know, I’ve been told that I’m an exceptional listener…I even have a degree for it.”

Kristin laughed softly and shook her head. “I appreciate it Wendy…but um, this is something I have to figure out on my own.”

“I understand. Well, just out of curiosity, have you decided what you’re going to do about your, uh, situation?”

“Not yet.”

“Well I wish you the best of luck…but I have got to get back to the infirmary. They’re going to send out a search party soon.”

Kristin smiled and nodded her head. “Yes, I remember what that was like. Well, thank you for taking the time to talk to me.”

“It was my pleasure. I’ll be seeing you around.”

Kristin watched Wendy leave and then turned back to her journal. However, she soon set it aside once again when she realized that she wouldn’t be able to concentrate until she decided what she was going to do. Was Joshua right? Should she tell Lucas and Nathan, or leave things as they were? They’d find out in a month or two anyway.

She watched Nathan walk into the mess hall and made her mind up right then and there. It wasn’t fair to deceive him…she would want the truth if the shoe were on the other foot. She finally admitted what everyone had told her all along: she owed both Lucas and Nathan an explanation for her behavior.

She waited until Nathan sat down at one of the back tables before approaching him. He looked up at her and set his face in hard lines. She held up her hands before he could speak and said, “I don’t deserve it and if you refuse, I’ll understand. But, I’d like to talk with both you and Lucas tonight. There are some things I’d like to explain.”

“Why should we listen to more of your lies? I think we’ve wasted enough time—“

“Please Nathan. I know you’re angry, and I know Lucas is upset, but there are some things I need to say to the both of you. If you don’t like what I have to say…well, you can always leave.”

Nathan sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity before finally answering. “Fine. I don’t know if I’ll be able to convince Lucas…but I’ll try. Meet us in the wardroom at sixteen-hundred hours.”

“Thank you.” She said as she started to back away.

“This had better be good.” He muttered under his breath.

Kristin paced inside the wardroom, wringing her hands as she looked at the watch on her wrist. It was already ten past the hour and she wondered whether Nathan had changed his mind. She had been rehearsing what she was going to say for the past two hours, but everything she’d planned to say faded away when the hatch swung open.

She smiled as Nathan and a very sullen Lucas entered. “Thank you gentlemen for coming. I’ll try not to take up too much of your time.”

“Good, because I have things to do.” Lucas muttered as he leaned against the wall, looking anywhere but at Kristin.

“If you’ll take a seat…” Kristin began.

“I think I’ll stand.” Nathan interrupted.

“Me too.” Lucas supplied.

“Okay.” She breathed as she sat down. They weren’t going to make this easy on her. Kristin looked at both Lucas and Nathan and for one moment considered if she was doing the right thing. No, she had agonized too much over this moment, and she was going to get it over with.

“I want to start out by saying that I don’t expect you to forgive me, only try and understand the motives behind my actions.” She waited for a response from one of the men, but when none was forthcoming, she continued. “A month before our tour ended aboard the first SeaQuest, I began to feel rundown and tired. I thought that maybe I was just burned out, but as the weariness continued, I had Joshua run some tests.”

Lucas sighed audibly and looked at his fingernails in boredom. Taking the hint, Kristin cut right to the chase. “From the results, Joshua surmised that I had a rare blood disorder.” This caught their attention and she wondered how she could soften the blow. “He contacted Luis…they went to med school together. You see, Luis runs a research institute.”

“Is that where you’ve been for the last year and a half?” Nathan asked.

“Yes.”

“Why wouldn’t you talk to me? Why’d you just disappear? Why didn’t you tell us?” Lucas asked in a rush.

“That’s a bit complicated.” Kristin admitted as she stared at her hands.

“How?”

Kristin took a deep breath and met Nathan’s inquisitive gaze. “You see, this disorder is incurable…and fatal. I didn’t want to burden anyone with the news. I thought that between Luis and I, we’d find a cure within a few months. Quite egotistical, but being humble has never been a strong suit, I admit.”

“And have you?” Lucas asked in a shaking voice. Kristin noticed the trembling of his chin and hated herself for not being able to answer yes.

“I’m afraid not. We’ve been at it for some time now…and well, there have been a few breakthroughs, but nothing major. At least nothing that can help me.”

“So you’re saying that…?”

“I’m saying that at best estimation, I have about two more months before…um, my body shuts down.” She glanced at Nathan who had remained strangely quiet through out the exchange. He was staring intently at his hands and refused to look at her.

“But that’s still two more months of research!” Lucas began as he walked closer to the table. “A lot can happen in two months.”

“No, Lucas. I’m not going back to the institute.”

“Why? Don’t you want to live?”

“Of course I do, Lucas. But you have to know when to walk away. And I’ve realized that I don’t want to die in a laboratory…I don’t want to regret a single moment anymore.”

“If you don’t want to live, then why should I care?” Lucas asked angrily as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “Why are you telling us this? I mean, what good does any of this information do for us, huh? You’ll be dead soon anyway…you should’ve just stayed away.”

“I thought you deserved to know the truth, Lucas. That’s all. I understand your anger, but—“

“You don’t understand anything!” He shouted. “You could beat this if you wanted to.”

“I have tried Lucas! I swear that to you, but it’s time to quit. Sheer determination and will are the only things that have kept me going this long…but even those resources are exhausted now.”

“What about cryogenics?”

“Absolutely not. I don’t believe in cryogenics, Lucas.”

“But why?”

“What if they don’t find a cure for my illness until a hundred years in the future? I don’t want to wake up to a world that I don’t recognize.”

Lucas tried to keep his tears at bay, but they overwhelmed him and soon he was sobbing into his chest. Kristin didn’t hesitate as she sprang from her chair and enfolded the youth in her arms. He allowed her to comfort him for a few moments before he pushed her away.

“What do you want from us?”

“Nothing Lucas. I…I just wanted to explain my behavior. I guess I didn’t want you to hate me.”

“Well, I do!” He exclaimed as he rushed from the room, slamming the hatch behind him.

Kristin sighed and turned to face Nathan. “Are you all right Nathan?” She asked in concern.

“I can’t go through this again. Not again.” He whispered to himself.

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you, Nathan. I didn’t want to do this to you…but I want you to know that I don’t expect anything from you. Like I told Lucas…I just don’t want you to hate me. Did I make the wrong decision? Should I have kept this to myself?”

Nathan finally looked at her, and Kristin saw that his blue eyes were clouded with tears. “No, no…you were right to tell us. I guess we haven’t exactly made things easy on you.”

“I didn’t deserve to have things made easy for me.”

“What are you going to do now?”

“I guess that’s the million dollar question. There are so many things I want to do…”

“Like what?”

Kristin’s face grew wistful as she answered. “I’ve never been ice skating, I’d like to do that. I’ve never made a snowman, or gone sailing. But what I’d really like to do is just spend some time with my daughter. It seems like I haven’t made enough of an effort with her.”

Nathan nodded and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry Kristin, I want to be there, but I can’t—“

“Shhh…Nathan. You don’t have to explain because I already know.”

Nathan smiled in gratitude and squeezed her arm. “Good Luck, Kristin.” And with that, he walked out of the wardroom, and out of her life.

“He said he hated you?” Joshua asked incredulously as they entered Kristin’s quarters.

“He’s only protecting himself, Joshua.”

“But he acts like it’s your fault.”

“And to him, it is. Everyone seems to forget that despite his genius, Lucas is still a very trouble young man. He’s been abandoned by most of the people he’s loved, and this is just one more case of betrayal. You know, I’m beginning to think I went about all this the wrong way. I should have told them in the beginning, that way they could have gotten used to the idea…I’m dropping a bomb on them.”

“I still don’t think he has a right to blame any of this on you.”

“When you have children Joshua…you’ll understand.”

“Maybe.” Joshua agreed as he sat down. “Well, what about Nathan?”

Kristin smiled softly as she joined Joshua on the small couch. “I really can’t tell you what was going through his mind. He didn’t say much…but I don’t think I should be expecting either of them to come and visit me.”

“I’m sorry Kristin.” Joshua whispered.

“Don’t be…I knew what the outcome would be before I even sat down with them. I told you before that I don’t need—“

“Anyone…yes, that sounds familiar.” Joshua interrupted sarcastically. “What made you finally decide to tell them?”

“I had a nice little chat with Wendy Smith this morning. I just thought that Nathan and Lucas would be able to bring closure to their lives. And I’ll admit that I’d rather retire that ‘wicked witch of the seaquest’ reputation.”

Joshua laughed and pulled Kristin closer so that her head rested on his shoulder. “And what about Luis?”

“Now that’s another story…I think he’ll be showing up at the funeral just to make sure I’m dead. Come to think of it, I wonder how many UEO officials will be doing the same.”

“This kind of talk is what infuriated Luis in the first place, Kristin…and I’m beginning to understand how he feels.” Joshua admonished.

“Would you rather I throw things, or cry? How about I fall into a deep depression and make everyone else around me miserable? I think it’s much nicer to have a sense of humor about mortality.”

“I’m never going to win with you, am I?”

“Hmm…you might want to try in a few weeks when my mental faculties start fading…then you just may have a chance.”

“Kristin—“

“All right, all right. I didn’t know you men were so sensitive.”

The two sat in companionable silence for a while before Joshua spoke again. “Kristin…I think there is something that you ought to know.”

“I don’t like the sound of that, Joshua.” She replied drowsily.

“It’s about Luis.”

“Hmm?”

“He loves you.”

“Well, I love him too. He’s a dear friend.”

“No, you don’t understand…he’s in love with you. That’s why he’s so angry now…”

“Oh don’t be absurd Joshua…that man could have any woman he wanted. And you mean to tell me that he has set his sights on a dying woman? You have a sense of humor after all.”

“Kristin look at me.” She raised her head and met his serious gaze. “Luis would go to the moon and back if you asked him to.”

“So, all those women who came to visit him on the island were, what, cousins? Sisters?”

“Look, don’t believe me If you don’t want to—“

“I won’t. It’s not that I don’t trust your judgment Joshua…but well, I think your theory is a bit ludicrous.”

“Fine, fine. I won’t push the subject. But I do think that I will let you get some sleep now. You look like you could use it.”

“Gee, thanks.” She replied wryly as he stood up.

“I’ll, uh, stop by tomorrow.”

“You don’t have to keep checking up on me. If there’s a problem, I’ll let you know.”

“I’m not checking up on you…I just want to spend some time with you.” He admitted almost shyly.

“Well in that case, why don’t you bring some wine the next time you drop in?”

“Because you aren’t allowed to mix controlled substances with the medication you’re on. How about some hot cocoa?”

“Oh fine.” Kristin replied in a mock-pout.

Lucas stared at the computer screen in front of him without really seeing anything. He was trying to concentrate on the game in front of him, but what he really wanted to do was hit something. He jumped at the gentle rap on the door, but called “Come in.”

He was surprised when Joshua Levin entered. He had been expecting the Captain, or even Wendy, but not the young doctor. Levin shut the hatch behind him and navigated around the heaps of clothes on the floor until he stood in front of Lucas.

“I need you to do something for me, Wolenczak.”

“What?” He asked sourly.

“I need you to hack into the personal research files of Luis Duarte.”

“Excuse me? Hacking is illegal.”

“That hasn’t stopped you before, and it’s not going to stop you now. I think there are some things you should see…and there are some things I’d like to see too.”

“Is this about Kristin?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I’m not doing it.” Lucas began as he stood up. Joshua forcefully pushed him back in his seat and swiveled the chair around.

“Yes you are. Don’t argue with me Lucas, just do it.”

Lucas had never seen Joshua so incensed and he knew it was in his best interests to do as he commanded. “It’s going to take me awhile, so you might want to have a seat.” Lucas finally said as he began to tap at his keyboard.

Joshua looked around him for a chair, but couldn’t see one under all of the junk in the young man’s cabin. Sighing, he sat down on Lucas’ bunk and waited for the computer whiz to work his magic. More than thirty minutes passed before Lucas turned around and said, “I’m in.”

Joshua stood behind Lucas and leaned over his shoulder. “Ok…search for any files with Kristin’s name in them.”

Lucas tapped a few keys and then waited as the files he requested appeared on the screen. There were ten entries under Kristin’s name and he opened the first one. It was dated all the way back to two weeks after the destruction of SeaQuest. There were a few introductory notes, but Lucas only scanned them.

For the next two hours Lucas and Joshua went through all of Luis’ files pertaining to Kristin and her treatment. They read about the painful procedures, gene therapy, blood tests and chemical treatments. They analyzed the data tables and sighed in frustration when they realized that the progress of the disease had been slowed, but not stopped. Her symptoms were listed in great detail, but what disturbed them the most were the pictures accompanying the reports. Joshua thought he’d seen the worst that morning, but he was not prepared for the images that assaulted him.

There were pictures of Kristin’s bruised and emaciated body at various stages of treatment. The progression of the disease couldn’t have rendered as much damage as the treatments themselves. Anger surged through Joshua’s chest as he realized all that Kristin had been put through in the name of science, and yet in each photo, a smile touched her features. Though she held clumps of her own hair in her hands, and her eyes were clouded with pain, she’d managed to spare a small grin for the photographer.

“She went through this for more than a year.” Lucas whispered to himself. “And she never told anyone.”

“I’ve seen enough. Thank you, Lucas.” Joshua said as he walked towards the door. He glanced once more at the computer screen before shaking his head and exiting.

Nathan stared into his coffee mug and sighed. A glance at his watch told him it was half past midnight…too late to be drinking coffee. Especially when one had a six am duty shift. He suddenly looked up as a shadow darkened his table and frowned.

“Good Evening, Captain Bridger. I don’t believe we’ve ever been formally introduced. Luis Duarte.” The slightly younger man said as he extended his hand.

Nathan hesitated a moment before taking the proffered hand and shaking it firmly. Releasing his grasp, Nathan gestured to the empty seat across from him and eyed Luis as he pulled out the chair from the table and sat down. He didn’t quite know what to make of the other man…initially he’d been jealous, mistaking the relationship Luis had with Kristin for something more intimate. Now that he knew the truth, he didn’t quite know how to regard the doctor.

“I understand that Kristin has told you the truth…about the past eighteen months.” Luis began as he cleared his throat nervously.

“Well, you understand right.” Nathan replied, a bit coldly.

“This may not be any of my business, but I want to know what you intend to do.”

“About what?” Nathan asked as he took a sip from his mug.

“What do you mean about what? About Kristin.” Luis answered angrily as he leaned forward.

“Uh, I don’t think there’s much I can do, short of obtaining a degree in medicine and finding a cure. Which I can’t do in time to help her.”

Luis seemed shocked at Bridger’s indifferent answer and he leaned back in his chair. He rubbed his hand over his chin and sighed. “I don’t know why I expected you to be different.”

“If you’ve come to trade insults, then I really don’t have time. I have a ship to run.”

“You know how many terminally ill patients I’ve had in my career? More than I can count…but I remember them all. Some I was able to help…others I couldn’t. “ Luis sighed and met Nathan’s gaze. “You know, Kristin used to talk about you all the time. I was expecting a God, or something like one. But you’ve turned out to be just another man…flawed and selfish.”

Nathan rolled his eyes and stood to his feet. “Who are you to preach to me? There are circumstances—“

“I know all about your son and first wife, Captain. Don’t use them as excuses for neglecting your duty.”

“Duty? The only duty I have is to this ship and its crew.”

Luis laughed humorlessly as he pushed his chair back and stood as well. “You just keep telling yourself that, and maybe eventually you’ll believe it. But let me ask you something. What do you think Kristin would do…I mean if you were the sick one?”

“It’s not the same, and you know it. You’ll never understand until you suffer the losses that I have.”

“Since you’re skirting the question, I’ll answer for you. If situations were reversed, you wouldn’t be able to peel Kristin from your side. She’d be there in the beginning, and she’d hold you in the end. Even though you don’t deserve it. And you know why? Because she loves you.” When Nathan didn’t respond, Luis spoke his final words. “You’re a bastard, and I hope you die alone, like your condemning Kristin to do.”

Before Luis knew what was happening, Nathan rushed forward with a speed the doctor wouldn’t have thought possible. He floored the Latin man with an upper cut to the jaw, and a mean left hook. But he didn’t stop there. Once Luis hit the ground, Bridger jumped on top of him, pummeling his opponent with his fists. Luis Duarte would swear to his dying day that Bridger would have killed him then and there if two young crewmen hadn’t jumped into the fray.

Bridger pulled away from his subordinates, and after straightening his uniform, pointed a finger to Luis menacingly. “I suggest you stay out of my sight for the rest of your trip.”

Luis watched Bridger stalk away through already-swollen eyes and sighed. He certainly hadn’t been expecting the violent outburst from the Captain, but it just confirmed what Luis already suspected. Nathan’s feelings for Kristin ran very deep, no matter how hard he tried to disguise them.

“Are you all right, Doctor Duarte?”

Luis nodded his head, and with assistance from one of the young ensigns, rose to his feet. He wiped the blood from his nose and the cut on his cheek and smiled self-deprecatingly. “Thank you gentlemen for your help. But I think I can manage from here.”

“Are you sure you don’t need any help down to the infirmary?”

“No, no. I can make it just fine on my own. Thank you.” He replied as he walked out of the mess hall on wobbly legs, hoping to save himself from further embarrassment.

Kristin settled into the cushioned recliner in the corner of the room and leafed through the pages she’d printed earlier that evening from the computer. She’d done a little research on travel expenses and hotel rates and she was pleased with the results. Why, the costs wouldn’t even put a dent in her savings. She was busy looking over a rather elegant beach cottage when there was an insistent rap on the hatch. She glanced at the clock on the wall and arched her eyebrow at the late hour. Who’d be coming to see her at one o’clock in the morning?

She immediately stood up and tightened the sash of her robe. Then without further hesitation, she proceeded to the hatch and spun the wheel. Her eyes widened as she took in the bruised and bloodied countenance of Dr. Luis Duarte.

He smiled, which quickly turned into a wince at the pain it afforded, and asked, “I know it’s late Kristin, but may I come in?”

Kristin stood speechless a moment as she surveyed his black eye, split lip and other various injuries. But soon, the doctor in her took over and she regained her senses. “Yes, of course. Come in.”

She shut the hatch behind them and while Luis sat in the chair she’d vacated, she went in search of the first-aid kit that came equipped with each room. Kristin returned seconds later and knelt before her friend.

“What does the other guy look like?” She asked as she gently swabbed the small cuts on his cheek and forehead with antiseptic.

“I’m afraid that I wasn’t even given a chance to reciprocate.”

“Who was he?”

“You don’t want to know.” He replied as she took his face in one hand and scrutinized his nose.

“Well, it’s not broken.” She muttered absently as she released his chin. “But I am afraid that you will need some stitches in your left cheek…was your, um, opponent wearing a ring, by any chance? Because he managed to split your face open pretty good. Come on and sit at the table…I’m going to need some more light.”

Luis obeyed her command and closed his eyes as she began to sew his cheek up. She was gentle and quick in her ministrations and it wasn’t long before she patted his knee, sat back and said, “All done now. You’re not going to win any beauty pageants within the next few weeks, but you’ll live.”

Luis smiled and turned his ebony gaze to her own dark one. “Thank you, Kristin.”

“So, are you going to tell me who you’ve managed to piss of this badly?” She asked as she leaned forward, resting her forearms on the table in front of her.

“Is it important?”

“Yes, it’s important. I have a few choice words for the Neanderthal who’d do such a thing.”

Luis shook his head and replied, “I don’t need you to fight my battles.”

Kristin let out a sigh of frustration and stood up. “Oh really? Then why have I just spent the last half hour cleaning you up?” When Luis didn’t respond, Kristin began to pace the room.

Her eyes suddenly widened as she was struck with a thought. “Please tell me it wasn’t Nathan.”

“I told you that you didn’t want to know.”

“Of all the…” Kristin trailed off as she headed for the hatch and turned around. “Don’t move. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Luis knew better than to try and stop Kristin. With a resigned sigh he merely nodded his head and watched as she stormed out of her quarters.

Kristin stalked down the corridors of SeaQuest, only vaguely aware of the curious glances she received. It wasn’t until she stood outside of Nathan’s quarters that she realized she was still in her pajamas. She allowed a small smile to grace her lips, but soon furrowed her brow in anger as she returned to the task at hand. She rapped sharply on the hatch and waited to be invited in.

It was apparent after five minutes that either Nathan wasn’t in his quarters, or he was ignoring her. With resolve, she spun the wheel on the hatch, and finding it unlocked, entered the dimly lit room. Her eyes widened in shock at the state of the cabin, and she quickly shut the door behind her.

Books, clothing and various other items, which usually lined the bookshelves in meticulous order, were strewn across the floor. The bookshelves themselves were overturned, as well as the small nightstand and table. She was careful of the broken glass littering the carpet as she cautiously approached the slumped figure in the middle of the mess.

“Nathan?” She whispered as she knelt beside him.

He looked up with glassy eyes and smiled. Kristin could smell the whiskey on his breath and noticed the empty bottle clutched almost lovingly in his right hand. “Oh Nathan, what have you done?” She asked as she smoothed the hair off his forehead.

He grabbed her wrist and squeezed painfully. “Don’t touch me.” He advised as he pushed her away.

“I’m sorry.” She answered as she sat down and looked into his eyes. “I’m sorry about everything.”

“Don’t give me that.” He responded as he attempted to stand.

His legs betrayed him and he fell to his knees, stretching his arms out to catch himself. The whiskey bottle shattered in his palm, and Kristin watched in horror as blood pooled on the carpet. Without hesitation, she pulled the robe off her body and wrapped it around Nathan’s hand. He tried to pull away from her, but Kristin eyed him and said firmly, “Let me fix that Nathan. I’m not going to argue with you”

Nathan, even in his drunken state, recognized the determination in her eyes and voice and reluctantly submitted to her care. She almost smiled as she noticed the first aid kit had been emptied just a few inches from her present position. Kristin reached over and grabbed the necessary supplies. She unwrapped the make-shift bandage and whistled softly as she surveyed his wound.

“You’re quite lucky, Captain. It looks like the blood has already started to clot…you won’t need stitches, but I am going to bandage your hand.” She said as she started swabbing the large laceration on his right palm.

Nathan didn’t answer, but watched her intently as she tended to his injury. In the harsh light of the overhead lamp, he finally noticed how drawn and fatigued her features were. Kristin felt his eyes on her, but didn’t look up, afraid of what she would find. After a few more minutes, she smiled.

“There, all better. You’ll have to change the dressing every two days, and of course keep the gauze from getting wet. Keep it on for about a week…give it time to heal.” She finally looked up and met his gaze. “All in all, I’d say you made off a whole lot better than Luis.”

Nathan closed his eyes, anticipating the verbal assault he was sure would be coming. Kristin chuckled softly and patted his knee. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to lecture you…not tonight anyway. You need to get some sleep because you are going to have one hell of a hangover in the morning.”

Bridger groaned as Kristin helped him to his feet and subsequently to the bunk. He fumbled with his clothes until Kristin took pity on him and helped him out of his uniform. She smiled as he climbed beneath the covers and closed his eyes. Not being able to resist, she leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. “Sleep well.”

His only response was a deep snore and Kristin rolled her eyes. She gazed at him for a few more moments before rising to her feet and sighing as she allowed her eyes to roam over the disaster in the middle of the room. She couldn’t just leave his quarters like this. She spotted his rubber-soled slippers by the foot of his bunk and slipped them on.

“It’s going to be a long night.” She said to herself as she tried to decide where she should begin.

Kristin peered around the hatch cautiously and smiled at Luis, who was sleeping soundly with his head cradled on his folded arms on the table. She crossed the room softly and placed a blanket around her friend’s shoulders. He didn’t stir at the touch, and Kristin gently kissed the back of his neck.

She rubbed the small of her back and winced at the dull ache. It had taken almost two hours, but Kristin had restored Nathan’s quarters to some semblance of order. She was exhausted, and didn’t hesitate to crawl beneath the inviting covers on her bunk. With a light touch to the panel beside her bed, the lights in the cabin were extinguished and she fell into a dreamless sleep.