Host: Hey, guys. Let's begin.

*NSYNC: For real, or are we just gonna have all these people here watching for nothing?

Host: Welcome. You're talking to *NSYNC live on AOL. Hi. OK. This is from EA Musician. What's the name of your new CD? I can't wait!

*NSYNC: This is Joey. I'm the "stupid fat-one." Dude, that's a stupid question. Only a fool wouldn't know what the new album is called. I'm an idiot, but I ain't that clueless.

Host: If you guys can remember to say your name before you speak, that would be great.

*NSYNC: Nope, we won't. We will conveniently forget to do that. How's that for ya'?

Host: This is Adam. Sink lb5479: Hey, guys, I can't wait to get the CD on Tuesday; and I'm going to be in Times Square. I was wondering, are the giants puppets going to be marching down Times Square?

J.C.: No, we will marching all the way to the bank that day to deposit that big check since all you idiots bought more than one copy. Oh yeah; we might stop and sign some autographs. Then again, maybe not.

Host: Silicone slayer 15: Hey, guys, I just heard the song "It's Going to Be Me," and it's awesome! Do any of the songs you wrote relate to things that happened in the past year? Thanks, Emily in Pennsylvania.

Justin: Hol' up, dawg. Di' that idiot jus' said "It's Going To Be Me?" Wha' planet are yous from, G? Hey, Dopey ... the song be called "It's Gonna' Be Me." It actually be my fav'rite track on 'da album. 'Cause no matta' how hard these foo's I work wit' try, it's always gonna' be me singin', and gettin laid.

Host: Poetic Lisa 2000: Who are all of your inspirations, and why?

Lance: Let's see. I like the Avon Magazine; I get my inspiration from there, and I also just love Mary Kay. I wanna' be just like her.

Justin: I looka' streets of Comp'on for my imspermation. Yeah, tat's right. I'm from 'dere, but we be pullin somet'in' ovah on ya'll. It's beena' comspiracy. Yep. I ain't from no suburban Tenn'see

J.C.: My inspiration comes from my good friend, Charlie, from 15th and 9th street. He got the best "stuff" around; get some and that's all the inspiration you need.

Joey: Hustler Magazine and Playboy. Hugh Hefner and Larry Flint rule; they should be president! I would vote for them.

Chris: *thinking* I wonder how big of a bottle it would take to fit Joey in.... Oh, what was the question?

Host: Next question. When will you start touring?

Lance: Not this again! Can you ask another one please? If I have to say May 9, and it goes to July 31, all over America, again, I am gonna' just scream. DAMN!

Host: This from Mcbride blondie: How old are you guys? You knew they'd ask that.

Joey: Can I please kill her?

J.C.: No way! I want to do that! Let me! Please, let me!

Justin: Le's rock, paper, skizzers for it.

Lance: Must ... not ... twitch .... Must ... go ... get ... medication.

Chris: Lemme' at 'er, lemme' at 'er! You really wanna' piece a me dontcha'?

Host: OK. Total MB: I would like to ask *NSYNC if, when they first started out, even thought of how popular they were going to become, and if it shocks them how big they are now.

J.C.: Joey did you fart again? 'Cause something stinks in here! Oh, wait. I see the problem. Justin, for the last time, keep your shoe on! What's the question again? Forget that one; what's next?

Host: Somebody answer that cell phone.

*NSYNC: Get it your damn self.

Faith 4630: Hey, *NSYNC, what's up? How do you feel toward the other boy bands like Backstreet Boys?

Chris: This is Chris. 98º are cool. They helped us torch Nick Carter's place last night. That's what he gets for messing with J.C.'s crib!

Host: OK.

Justin: Yo, dis be Jus'in. Wha' Chris really meant to say was we t'ink any oder' ac's are real shitheads, 'cept 98º. 'Dey be helpin' us wit' Nick's crib last night, and we be plannin' on hittin' A.J.'s tonigh', so hurry the hell up.

Host: Good answer. What were your biggest struggles that you went through, in order to make this album?

Chris: I had less time to jack off, and it made me cranky everyday.

Justin: Yeah, man. I woulda' have gotten' Brit's thong, thong, thong, thong, thong, but 'dis album got in the way. Now I gotta' starts all ovah again.

*NSYNC: This is Chris again. Does anybody got any motion lotion I can borrow for about 20 minutes?

Host: This one from LA woman: "Bye, Bye, Bye," rocks! Is it auto-biographical?

J.C.: Yeah, it is actually; why use women when you got your hand? All you need is a paper towel and some dirty magazines.

Host: All right. Good idea. “Lance, how is your foot?” asks a fan.

Lance: It's fine. It was just a sprain. Toby never meant to trip me from the grave ... or was it Justin? I think it's a conspiracy.

Host: Should we ask how you injured it?

Lance: I did it doing a stupid skit on "Saturday Night Live." And then out of no where, a puffy headed thing hit me on the ankle, with a horse bone. I never saw it coming; it's all fuzzy to me.

Host: This is for Justin. Justin, do you have a girlfriend?

Justin: Don't you know I wanna' bone Britney? I gotta' get the thongs, man. I just gotta. ...It's gonna be me, Britney!

Host: I'm just looking through thousands of questions. What was your favorite video you ever did?

*NSYNC: "Saving Ryan's Private" and "BIG BOOTY HOE, VOL. 69."

Host: What are your favorite stunts in the video? It's a very cool video, by the way.

*NSYNC: Thank you for asking a stupid question. Do you really think we did our own stunts?! How cheap do we look?

J.C.: I just liked driving the car really fast. Maybe, if you stand in the middle of the road, I can hit your stupid ass!

Host: Did they give you the car? Hello? Can you guys hear me?

*NSYNC: Yeah, dip-shit, we hear you, but just felt like ignoring your dumb ass for asking that question.

Host: OK.

J.C.: We just liked driving the car fast. Maybe you should stand in the middle of the road, instead of the moron who asked that stupid question. Better yet, how about you both stand there?

Joey: I had no fun running on the trailer. It forced me to do some exercise. I like being the FAT-ONE!

Host: OK, here's a question we're getting asked a lot -- would you guys ever date a fan?

J.C.: Only if she made a humor page for us, we will.

*NSYNC: Joey's dating 20 of them now. And I still haven't fucked any of them! Oops, can I cuss in the interview?

Host: A lot of fans are commenting on your acting in "Saturday Night Live," and the videos. Are you planning on getting more involved in acting in other shows?

Chris: We're sorry; we refuse to answer that question.

Lance: We're doing a movie, if we can get the time off to do it. All together, we are thinking more like an instructional tape. How to really JACK OFF. It's a great idea, dontcha' think?

Host: OK, great. Are any of you interested in pursuing a movie career?

*NSYNC: We're all doing a movie in August; that instructional tape Lance mentioned.

J.C.: We're not looking to make it a career. We're doing it more for hobby. Yeah, that's it ... a hobby.

Joey: Maybe, because I can't dance, probably, when I'm 50. Hell, I can't dance now.

Host: Justin, weren't you just on in a movie, "Model Behavior?"

Justin: Yeah, I was. I tried ta' avoid Kathy Grifford, but she tol' my mommy on me, so I wa' forced ta'.

Host: How was that?

Justin: Pure Torture. She woul'n't shu' up.

Host: All of your fans saw it, judging from the questions. This is from Alexis: You guys were great on "Saturday Night Live." Was it hard?

Joey: We played stupid. It was easy for me at least actually since I am naturally stupid actually.

Chris: It was easy. See? He's quick, too.

Host: You guys always make this fun. Justin, is it true that you went out with Britney Spears?

Justin: No commen' ... coughIjustwantthedrawscough.

Host: That's fine. You can always say that. Justin, do you have tips for aspiring singers?

Justin: Prac'ice, prac'ice, prac'ice, and prac'ice some more. When you be done, prac'ice some mo'. I's like Larry Flint. Do ya' think he evah stopped? Man, he prac'iced all 'da time, ev'n when he wasn't in seas'n. T'ink 'bout 'tat. Tat's why he's 'da greates'. He taugh' me e'rythin' I know 'bout jackin' off.

Host: Yeah, good point. OK, another question for Justin, then we're going to open it up to the floor. When you're back on tour, are you going to get a haircut?

Justin: Why? Do ya' not like my hair? Ya' see i's a goo' way for me to hi' condoms from mommy, and a comveniant way when britney gives me those draws.

Host: Hold on. We're asking.

Justin: I'm nevah cuttin' my hair ... evah. I'm gonna' grow it out forevah. You nevah know what I'm gonna' do wit' my hair. I'ma crazay guy. I's my por'able bag where I stash all my porn mags and mo'ies.

Host: A wild and crazy guy. I know that for most of you -- this is from a fan -- "God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You," was the most meaningful [song] on your album, but what about on "No Strings Attached"?

*NSYNC: There's a song on the album, the last track, called "I Thought She Knew." It's an a cappella song, one of the first we ever sang in our careers. We learned it five years ago. We sounded like shit five years ago, and that was the best we ever done it, so we kept it.

Host: OK. This one from Metafan21: Why are you all so happy?

J.C.: I just got laid.

Chris: I had Lisa today. Clarify that. That was J.C. that said just got laid.

Host: You know what they say about imitation. Hey, *NSYNC, we love you. Do any of you have AOL?

Chris: Duh, I gave my s/n out years ago. Didn't you get it, stupid?

Host: That really wasn't my question.

Chris: We all have AOL. It's easy to search for porn sites on there, thanks to Evan.

Host: All right. “What is the most fun part about being rock stars?”

Joey: Oh, we get LAID for FREE.

*NSYNC: That was Joey. The best thing is we get laid in every city.

Host: That's a good segue into the next question. What is the favorite city that you've played?

Chris: Guadalajara; they really know how to work it there.

Justin: Detroit wa' a really goo' show. We gotta' play at da' Silverdome. It wa', like, 80,000 people. An' all 80,000 of 'em let me tap dat ass.

J.C.: I always like playing at home, in Orlando, because I get to sleep in my own bed while I'm there. It's easier to kick them out of my own shit than a hotel.

Host: Ahhh. OK, this is from...

*NSYNC: Istanbul.

Host: Who was that?

*NSYNC: Nobody.

Host: A new question: Hey, guys, I'm so anxious to get your new CD. My question, I know you've done duets in your career, but who do you really want to work with? Thanks. Much love to Justin.

Justin: Janet Jackson. Hey Istanbul, I remember you ... I got a good blow from you.

J.C.: Michael Jackson. I went to Never Never Land and spent some time with him; it was fun.

Joey: Tiny Tim. 'Cause he get's the chicks, and we run trains together.

Chris: Look at the tree! Lenny Kravitz. How come I didn't get a cheese sandwich? Oh yeah. Justin wasn't aiming right, and something went in those sandwiches.

Host: You want fries with that?

*NSYNC: Super size it! And hold my pickle, will ya?

Host: This is so hysterical. All the fans are now asking for your screen names, and if you'll give them hints.

*NSYNC: No, we'll give them the real ones.

Justin: Mine is Eatshitanddie@aol.com.

Lance: Howstupidareyoureally@aol.com.

JC: Suckmydick@aol.com.

Chris: 1800collect@aol.com.

JOEY: Illsayitifyouletmehitit@aol.com.

Host: We're going to move on. What is the wildest thing a fan has ever done for you guys?

J.C.: I don't know if it's appropriate to say that she said she would "fuck Busta to meet us."

*NSYNC: This one time, at band camp, Lance stuck a flute up Chris' ass.

Host: OK, we're moving on, again. What are your most-used nicknames? Do you all have nicknames, and will you share?

Lance: I hate it when they call me Shorty. I don't look like Chris, for the last time.

Chris: That was Lance. We do...look alike.

*NSYNC: We call Chris Shorty.

J.C.: As if my name isn't short enough, they just call me C. And Chris is who they are really calling most of the time; my dumb ass just always answers.

*NSYNC: Sometimes we call them Fuck Face.

Host: Do you want to tell what concert you're going to go to, tonight?

*NSYNC: D'Angelo. How 'dey know 'tat? I need some imspirnation, so gots ta' go. Oh, 'dis be Jus'in, by 'da way. I be thinkin' cornrows, like him.

Host: We know everything. Let's ask the touring question again. Tell us again, when you're going to start touring.

*NSYNC: Wow, that was cool, Dr. Seuss. May 9. Dumb ass, dumb ass, dumb ass.

Host: May 9. OK. Any plans to tour Europe? Obviously, from a European fan.

*NSYNC: We don't know. In the fall; October. Of course we're touring Europe. We get laid the most there.

Host: OK. This one's from Star dust 156: Do you guys have any weird eating habits, like eating chocolate with cheese, or something?

Chris: J.C. just eats real fast. He fuck fast, too!

Justin: I used to put ketchup on my green beans. Now they got green ketchup to go with it.

Chris: You ever see the Roadrunner eat those seeds? JC fucks faster than that.

J.C.: Chris eats worms. Especially the little ones that swim.

Joey: Never drink Yoo-Hoo and eat pickles at 7:00 in the morning. You will have asses of fire after.

Chris: Joey eats pickles and drinks Yoo-Hoo in the morning, with worms.

Host: The world now knows this. Here's another question: Hi. I'm Amanda. Lance, I was wondering if there are times when the fame gets too much for you. And what do you do in those times?

Lance: You try to relax as much as possible. Like, do some things you enjoy, like jet-skiing, or scuba diving. Do stuff like that. Go on a mini-vacation. And never leave the porn behind.

Host: Next question: Hey, guys, will you go to the prom with me next year?

Joey: Sure, and you know what comes after the prom, right? We do it.

Justin: Wait. Lemme' check my skegule. Lets see ... try ta' fuck Britney here .... What's the date again?

Chris: Look at the tree! There are two squirrels fucking in there.

*NSYNC: Have my people call your people. We'll do lunch and I'll test you to see how good you are in bed, then we might be able to go to the prom.

Host: Who are you going to be touring with? Do you know?

*NSYNC: Don't know, yet. They have to adjust to the noises on the bus.

Joey: Probably upcoming new artists; they won't know how much time I really spend in the bathroom.

Host: Does the band pick the opening act?

Justin: Yes. If you have any opinions on who you'd like to see go on tour, why don't you put it on our web site. Just make sure they're freaky deaky.

Host: Do you want to give that address again?

Justin: *NSYNC.com. Hey stup'd hos', even Shaka Zulu knew that, and inven'ed a dance, and you didn't knows 'da answer to 'tat.

Host: We always like to ask. Who is the funniest person in the group?

Chris: This is Chris! That's the best. [phone ringing] Can you hear that? That's another call. Ooh, its my daily phone sex operator; I gotta go.

Host: Justin, do you still live with your parents?

Joey: Yeah. Oh, wait. That was for Justin

*NSYNC: That's the truth. He ain't lying.

Justin: My parents live with me, now. I got my own house, and they're living off me. It's about time; now they gotta follow my rules.

Host: OK. We're getting this question a lot, so I got to push it -- do you guys have girlfriends?

J.C.: Sometimes ... I run .... Sometimes I hide ....

Chris: I have a web site dedicated to fucking.

Joey: It depends on who's asking.

Chris: Lookatthetree.com!

Host: This is like "Mad, Mad World."

*NSYNC: I've seen that movie. This grilled cheese sandwich is disgusting. What do you think I told you? Justin had bad aiming.

Host: I don't know if you guys heard about this. How do you feel about your French toast being auctioned off for such a hefty price on eBay?

Justin: It wa' fake, G ... Britney's boobs a'e real fake.

Host: What would each of you be doing, if you weren't singing?

*NSYNC: I don't know. Jacking off even more, perhaps.

Justin: I'd be playing basketball with my two nuts.

J.C.: They'd be doing scientific studies on my sleeping habits, and testing to see if I set a record for the fastest fuck.

Joey: I'd probably still be singing and dancing at Universal. Gotta' have another way to get laid.

Lance: I'd be working with NASA. Women dig guys in space suits, don't they?

J.C.: They'd just be doing weird tests on me anyways. I would have been abducted in my sleep.

*NSYNC: Hello. Good, the fuckers are gone. Time to party. Where's that tape?

Host: I'm looking through thousands of questions. What is your favorite band besides yourself?

Lance: Damn it. GooGoo Dolls, or Silverchair rocks, 'cause they get the chicks.

Chris: Hanson. The younger you are, the more girls wanna fuck ya'.

Host: Have you heard the new single?

Chris: Yes. It rocks.

Joey: Not a group. I like Weird Al Yankovic. Even him gets laid more than I do.

Justin: Take 6, and add 12 .... Oh, sorry ... just balancing how many chicks for tonight.

Chris: The Christina Aguilera Project.

Host: "Project"?

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