Meeting Kassia was the biggest wake-up call of my life. Here she was, this beautiful creature, with the kindest heart I had ever known showing an interest in me, the most undeserving of men. She had never committed an act of wrong in all her 21 years. I, on the other hand, had experienced enough of the world for the both of us, and possibly a few others, combined.

Life on the road is hard. That statement in no way justifies any of my actions, but it is the truth. Spending day after day away from the place you call home, and most of the people you call family, well, it begins to wear on you. But you want to remain the tough guy, or at least I did. I turned to drugs, alcohol, and women…more women than I care to remember. They never filled the void in my life that I had created. Or perhaps, it had been there all along.

A few months after No Strings broke, I hit my lowest point ever. Walking up to my hotel room with the random girl of the night, listening to her whisper seductive nothings into my ear, running her hands through my hair, my skin began to crawl. The vodka shots I had consumed at the club began to work their way back up my throat. My knees hit the ground as all the nameless faces of women, much like this one, flashed before my eyes. I couldn't breathe, realizing what a distorted image of my former self I had become. I looked up into the frightened eyes of this girl, and I knew that this had to stop. My life was falling apart and instead of trying to stop it, I just continued to cut the threads that were holding me together.

I went into my room alone that night. The poor girl must have been completely confused by the total 180 I pulled, but it was better for the both of us in the long run. I went into the bathroom and sat for hours in front of the toilet, emptying my stomach of the toxins I had poured in. When I finally had the strength to stand, I looked in the mirror. And I began to weep.

My bleached blond hair was matted to my forehead and my once happy green eyes were dull and lifeless. I was not the Lance Bass that had left Mississippi five years ago. And I was certainly not the man of character that my parents had raised me to be. I cried for an endless amount of time that night and into the next morning. When I had finally exhausted my entire body and spirit, I picked up the pieces and carried myself into the room. Before I could bring myself to lay in bed, I knelt beside it, and for the first time in almost 4 years, I prayed a sincere prayer to God. I asked Him to help me to change the horrible path that I was on and help me to be a better man, for myself, my family, the fans, and for Him.

It was difficult I will admit that. There were so many times that I wanted to just give up and fall back into all of the old things I used to do. But whenever I did, I would close my eyes and remember my face in the mirror that night. The face of the man I never wanted to be, ever again. I watched the other guys indulge in all the same things that had brought me to that fateful night. I wanted to say something, anything, to get them to realize what they were doing to themselves. But, every time I would try to bring up the subject, I just felt more and more like a hypocrite. So I just kept my mouth shut. I stayed away from clubs and girls, well, as much as possible. There were ALWAYS girls, and clubs were sometimes mandatory.

It was in one of these mandatory club outings that I met Kassia. Management had set up an all out after party at Liquid, a local South Florida club and we were all required to stay together until we made our exit later that night. We walked in and people clapped and shouted, but it was a little tamer than a lot of the other places we go. The other patrons were older, and I could see the predatory look in the other guys' eyes as they scanned the crowd of scantily clad women. I, on the other hand, took a few deep breaths and sat at our VIP table, content to sip my soda. Kassia was the only other person in the room with the same idea.

It took me a while to build up my courage, but when I finally sat down and talked to her, I thanked my lucky stars that I had. It felt wonderful to sit and talk to a girl and have no intentions of crossing any physical boundaries with her. She was beautiful though. Her short blonde hair barely grazed her shoulders with its shimmery waves. Her bright blue eyes were full of kindness and humility and she had a constant blush on her cheek that showed her slight embarrassment. The modest white shirt and knee length floral skirt that she wore gave her an air of innocence. Her smile was never forced and her laugh was pure and honest. All of her was pure and honest. I can honestly say that I saw my forever the moment I saw Kassia.

She told me that this was her first time ever in a club. Her best friend was a huge fan of our music and that she had asked Kassia to come with her, her big chance to meet the men of Nsync. She had only agreed because she didn't want her friend Michelle to be by herself. We talked right up until the guys and I had to leave. Randy had to practically pull me away from the table kicking and screaming. It was the first truly enjoyable night of my new life. And with Kassia's number tucked away in the pocket of my khakis, I knew it would not be the last.

I could barely wait 12 hours before calling her and inviting her to the show that night. When she agreed, I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I was pretty sure it did when I saw her walk up to our table during lunch at the venue. Again, she was dressed modestly, a blue T-shirt with a picture of My Little Ponies on it, and a pair of loose fitting jeans. Her hair was pulled back away from her face. She looked adorable.

"Hey Lance," she said shyly with a slight wave.

The guys raised their eyebrows all around me, I know they did. I hadn't let myself get close to a girl in months, and now I was inviting one to spend the day with us? They didn't realize the one thing that I already knew in my heart to be true. This wasn't just any girl; this was MY girl, THE girl. And I had to make sure that I held onto her.

"Hey Kass, grab a seat. Are you hungry, thirsty?" I asked.

"Yeah, I am a little thirsty. Let me grab a drink from over there," she said, pointing to the drink table that the caterers had set up. She quickly bypassed the mass of Coronas that the rest of the guys were drinking and found a Diet Coke. I was so intent on watching her that I didn't realize the guys were talking to me, that is, until I caught Justin's bony elbow in my ribs.

"Huh? Man, that hurt J!" I shouted, shoving him away from me slightly with one hand while rubbing the sore spot he left with the other.

Justin chuckled. "Sorry dude, but you were out of it. We wanted to get the scoop on the chick before she came back."

"Ohh, you want the scoop? Well the scoop is…" I paused as they all leaned in closer. "The scoop is, there is no scoop. I met her last night and had a great time talking to her, and I wanted to spend some more time getting to know her."

"Getting to know her? Is that what we are calling it now?" Joey joked, eliciting laughter from the other three.

My eyes clouded over and my voice became low with anger. "Never, and I mean never disrespect Kassia like that again." They stopped laughing, staring at me with wide eyes. Kass picked that moment to join us again, her soda in one hand and a plate with some chips and a piece of cake in the other. I know that she could sense the tension, but she just smiled her wonderful smiled and began asking about our day so far. After a few minutes the guys were almost as lost in her genuine interest and sense of humor as I was.

The day went by much too quickly for my taste and before I knew it, the show was over and I was asking Kass to come back to the hotel with me. I could tell by her eyes that she was wary, but I assured her that it was perfectly innocent. She agreed to come for a little while. We ended up spending the whole night talking, watching old black and white movies, laying side by side on the king sized bed, just about anything we could do to grow in our understanding of each other. It was at this point that I knew that I had to tell Kassia about the things I had done. I could not let this progress into a relationship without her being fully aware of what I used to do.

"Kass, there is something I need to tell you," I said, nearly choking on the words. This was going to be hard; this could mean losing this amazing girl forever. But it was also something I needed to do, for both of us, and for what we could become.

She rolled over to face me. "Yeah Lance?"

"Listen, I have had the best time getting to know you in the last few days, and I would like to continue to grow closer…" She placed her finger over my lips.

"If you think that I am worried about you committing to me, you don't have to. I understand that you probably don't do the relationship thing right now. I am just thankful that I have had this time to spend with you, I am not looking for anything more."

I had to smile. "That's just it, Kassia. I AM looking for something more, and I am more than sure that I have found it in you. I want to keep in touch and I want to see where this leads us. But before we can do any of that, there are things about me that I need you to know. I want you to have your eyes open wide before you walk into anything with me, relationship or otherwise." I took a deep breath and Kassia took it upon herself to take my hand between both of hers. She seemed to know that what I needed in that moment was encouragement, and the best way to do that was a simple touch that showed that she was with me all the way.

"The music business is a funny place, especially if you make it big. You have all these people around you telling you that you are some sort of god or something. And after a while, you start to believe it, or at least have it in the back of your mind. Being a "god" means that you can't show weakness, can't show fear, can't show emotion. You have to find some way to hide them. I used to hide mine with alcohol, and drugs and sex. I was severely messed up in my thinking, and I figured that there was no harm in any of it. Everyone around me, my four brothers, everyone was doing it, so it seemed natural. A few months ago, I got a huge wake-up call. I saw that day how meaningless and trivial my life had become and so I stopped. I haven't done any of that in almost 8 months now. You have told me and shown me that you are against all the crap that I was doing, and I am now as well. I just wanted you to know." My eyes were downcast and my chin was pressed to my chest. The silence after I stopped speaking was deafening. It seemed to go on for hours. Finally, Kassia spoke.

"Lance, I am sorry that you had to go through all that. It takes a real man to admit that he was wrong. I believe that that is behind you, and I am glad that I have gotten to know the real you, the you that you are now." She laughed. "If that made any sense."

I looked up at her and smiled. I knew then that this was what was meant for me from the moment I was born. I was put on this earth to spend all my days with Kassia Wilcox, and there was no way I was going to screw that up.

We were strictly friends for 4 months and dated for almost 9 before I gathered up my wits and asked her to marry me. When she looked into my eyes with her blue ones that I loved so dearly and whispered the word yes, I thought I had fallen into the greatest dream I had ever had. In all honesty, I had, only I wasn't sleeping. I was living my dream.

One night, though, I felt my dream life coming to an end, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. We were snuggling on the couch in my house, talking like we always did, when Kassia asked about my past. It was about a month until the wedding, and I was totally surprised because we hadn't discussed this subject since the day I first told her about it. But I knew that the fact that she was going to be my wife entitled her to have all the information about me that she wanted, no matter how embarrassing or hurtful it was. I sucked in a deep breath and told her what she wanted to know. How often I did drugs, what I was like when I would drink. Then she asked the one question that I was dreading. We had both remained extremely calm throughout this ordeal, but I knew this question would be a test for me to answer…and a test for the love of my life to understand.

"Have you…I mean, how many sexual partners have you had?" she asked in a slightly shaky voice.

That deep breath I had taken whooshed out of my lungs. "Well, I don't…I don't exactly know."

Tears that had been filling her eyes began to spill out at a rapid pace. "You don't know?"

My voice cracked. "Well, I never really kept track, and I was always too drunk or high…" This wasn't helping matters much at all, I could tell, as Kass buried her face in her hands and sobbed. She cried long and hard, and shrugged off any attempts I made to comfort her. When she finally looked up at me, I realized this was the first time I had ever seen Kassia cry. This was the first time I had ever seen hurt in those perfect blue eyes. And I had to live with myself knowing that I was the cause of it. She spoke suddenly.

"It's not fair. It's not FAIR, Lance! Did you know that every night as a little girl I would pray before I went to bed, and the first thing I would always ask God was that my husband not succumb to all the pressures that were out there. As a 13-year-old girl, I loved my husband; I loved YOU, so much that I committed myself to staying pure for you. I did everything in my power to have something special to give to you, and I lived on the dream that you would be able to give it to me to. And you can't. You can't even put a NUMBER on the women that I have to share you with for the rest of my life! I waited for you for 21 YEARS, my entire life was spent holding my breath and waiting for you to come and show me that it was all worth it, all the waiting and hoping was worth it. How could you?"

With more tears streaming down her face she got up, grabbed my keys and drove off. I knew that she was most likely going to my parents' house, because she didn't know many people in Mississippi at the time. Later, she came back and she apologized for condemning me of my mistakes, and I apologized for letting down that 13 year old girl that had grown into the woman of my dreams.

"It broke my heart to have seen my future wife, the woman I loved over everything else, cry because I had made horrible decisions in the past. I am not that much older than you, and I am here to tell you that the decisions that you make today will affect you, and the people you love down the road. It may not be physically, although the threat of STDs and pregnancy are very real, but it could be emotionally, the way that it affected Kass and I. Sex is a great thing, and it feels good, so people tend to put it in the perspective of the body. But it involves as much of your emotions and your spirit as it does you body, and possibly even more so. Don't make the same mistakes that I did. The guys and I would like to close with a song that I wrote for my wife, Kassia to show how I wished I had regarded my virginity. This is also how I hope that you will all attempt to think about your future spouse when you are making those kind of decisions. Thank you for your attention."

I stood back with the guys and we began to sing.

The Heavens paint a silent symphony
As Orion shines for me
And are you there feeling the same as I
Whispering love songs to the lonely sky?

And though I don't know where you are
I know you must be there
So for now I lay me down to sleep and dream
And maybe tomorrow…

I'll kiss the air that covers you
I watch the moonlight dance in your eyes
I'll hold safely in my arms
Maybe tomorrow you'll be mine

I said a prayer for you today
May troubles be far away
And I'll be here, on bended knee
Until the day you say you'll marry me

And though I don't know who you are
I know you're beautiful
So for now I lay me down to sleep and dream
And maybe tomorrow…

I'll kiss the air that covers you
I watch the moonlight dance in your eyes
I'll hold safely in my arms
Maybe tomorrow you'll be mine

I'll be waiting patiently
Promise you will wait for me
No one else to hold onto
Until I'm holding you

I'll kiss the air that covers you
I watch the moonlight dance in your eyes
I'll hold safely in my arms
Maybe tomorrow you'll be mine

I'll love you more than life itself
I watch the moonlight dance in your eyes
I'll hold safely in my arms
Maybe tomorrow... *

I lost myself in the melody that JC and I had created months earlier; the melody that had become a number one smash, and the driving force behind the purity seminars that Kassia and I had organized in all the cities that Nsync was stopping in on this tour. It was extremely fulfilling to be able to give back, not only to these kids but also to my beautiful wife. I glanced over to where she was sitting, with our daughter Faith sleeping in her arms. I wished everyday that I had done things differently in my youth, but I also thanked God that in the end, after a lot of struggling, I was still given the greatest gift in the world; a second chance with the love of a lifetime.

*"Maybe Tomorrow" by Nouveaux