If you keep making bad choices in relationships, you are repeating patterns that need to be changed. You need to think of what is the common factor in all of them. If it is not working then change that pattern. Look only for the type person you really want in your life.
Sometimes we choose an opposite of ourselves when its really someone like us we want.
Here is another philosophy on a relationship and probably the simplest of all but one most people have a lot of problems with in life.
I have noticed that people who are on the matchmaking sites all try to present themselves in the best sales pitch as they can. But I wonder how many would get any responses at all if they listed something that said simply, I am interested in meeting a person who can take the good, with the bad, and the ugly.
That's what it boils down to, one has to be willing to accept a person as they are but there are lots of times when it's not so good but bad and ugly. I don't mean that people should abuse each other in any way. I am referring to simple things like when you wake up next to each other with bad breath or messy hair, times when one is sick and needs to be cared for and unable to return anything, times when the partner or both are full of gas, times when one or both fly off the handle and say some choice words they will have to later repent for saying, do little things that grate on the other's nerves on a daily basis, put the toilet paper on backwards, leave the toilet seat up, leave the cap off the toothpaste (yes that is one of the major things couples argue about lol), seeing each other naked with all their body flaws, what church you will go to together, how to discipline the kids, how much money can be spent, how much time each needs to spend apart, where to go on vacations, who does the budget and will they both live by the budget, just to name a few.
It's at times like the above, that two people find out if they have what it takes to make a relationship work or not.
Which leads to another philosophy, the grass is not greener in another pasture. In counseling I tell people to stay in their own pasture, fertilize their own soil, water it, nourish it, and watch it grow plush, green grass. If a man shows respect for her feelings and treats her with love and kindess and tells his wife how beautiful and desirable she is several times a day, she will feel that way, and in return she will be that way. If a woman appreciates, respects, honors and gives her husband all the sex he needs as an active participant then he will be happy and contented too. Of course there are exceptions to the rule who will never be happy and contented with anyone because they are not happy and contented within.
This leads to one other philosophy. In order to have a good relationship, a person must search within themselves until they realize the patterns they have made and realize that they have not worked and change the type person they have been seeking. For instance, since I found out a couple years ago about my being HSP (having a highly empathic or sensitive personality), I now realize I chose exactly the opposite of what I really needed. In the past I chose men who were emotionally unavailable to me. And it's rare to find a man who can relate to a woman on an emotional and spiritual level. Yet, I know that is exactly what I need and cannot settle for less now. I want a man who will be there for me always, not run at the first sign of a problem. Most men can relate physically to a woman, with no problems, but most all women must have the other two levels met, in order to be contented with their mate. They search for a mate who can make them feel happy inside. So the key here is to learn to be happy and contented from within and not depend on anyone but God to fill your emotional and spiritual tanks each day. It takes a lot of pressure off the other person when one is truly happy and contented and could exist just fine without them but willingly and gladly stays in the relationship because they choose too, not because they have to do so. Love is never true love until you can give it to another person unconditionally, and it can be returned the same way.
When a person relies on God to fill their emotional and spiritual tanks daily, that unconditional love will flow into them and back out to others and the person they need will be drawn into their life without them having to do much of anything to attract them. It's just that God works on His own time frame, not ours. Sometimes we think we have to help Him along in the process and that's when we can really mess things up in our lives. If we can have the patience to wait upon the Lord, then everything He does has a decent order to it. With God there is no confusion. When things start getting really confused, it's a red flag popping up that something is wrong. Probably a lack of communication. Men and women speak the same language, but they hear two different things because men speak from a thinking logic and get to the point quickly whereas women speak from their emotions and feelings and are very detail oriented. Men want to fix a problem fast and get on with life, and women need to talk a problem out, rambling on and on, and just have a man listen to them without invalidating their feelings and emotions. It's thru this rambling on and on that they can see how to fix their problem and heal themselves. Men use one side of their brain while women use both sides of theirs. Men can do one thing at a time but women can do several things at a time. In a good relationship, where one is weak the other is strong and they both make a whole relationship. There are no perfect people but two people who are right for each other will be perfect for each other as far as their relationship. It's basically a give and take situation. Both have to receive and both have to give in order for both to stay happy. One cannot make the relationship work. It takes both working equally and daily on the relationship to make it strong.
I see a marriage as a triangle with God at the top point, and both people at each end points. They can move up the triangle toward God and closer to each other as each day passes. A 3-corded knot cannot be broken. I personally feel that with each orgasmic experience the couple shares, it's like sharing a spiritual bonding with God which is why it only lasts a few seconds and feels so wonderful, and is the reason God says in the Bible not to have sex outside of marriage. He doesn't want us to just join our bodies with anyone. We are to find one special person and then become one. But how many of us have done that? It's a shame it takes most of us so many years to realize all this good stuff. But it's better to learn it late in life, than to never learn it at all.
