How to Handle a Gay Son

How to Handle a Gay Son

Notes: The way to handle a gay son… “… is to love him, simply love him, merely love him, love him, love him.” The title is a riff off the Lerner and Lowe song “How to Handle a Woman” from their musical, Camelot. ~~~~ indicates a break in time. The towns, businesses, and schools on Long Island are real, and no disrespect is meant to any of them. However, while there is no bar called the Sinn Fein – it is my own invention – the stories told there are true; only the names of the men they happened to have been changed. J Needless to say, the Management does not advocate underage drinking or drinking and driving. Thanks to Tim Mead for the information about the cost of living in a fraternity. I figured sororities would have something similar. The black Lab is in memory of Blackout. The name Jad-bal-Ja is taken from the Edgar Rice Burroughs’ Tarzan novel, The Golden Lion. Boston has a Responsible Pit Bull Ownership ordinance, but it didn’t go into effect until June 23, 2004, which would have been after the incident with General Custer. Many thanks, as always, to Gail, without a doubt the world’s best beta.

How to Handle a Gay Son

Part 1

I came home from work and sniffed the air in anticipation. Alice Wainwright, the woman who had been with us even before I’d married Jill, my second wife, was one of the best cooks it had been my pleasure to know.

“Honey, I’m home,” I sang out. As long as we’d been married, Jill still loved to hear me say those silly words, and laughed as she had the first time.

“I’m in the kitchen, darling Jack.”

I found her in the room I’d remodeled with a gourmet cook in mind. It had a warming drawer, a pot filler over the six-burner range, two ovens, dual dishwashers, an appliance garage, and more cabinet space than the average housewife or househusband could dream of.

“JR and Marti have already eaten – Alice made them burgers and fries before she had to leave – and are doing their homework.” She was stirring something in a saucepan.

“Alice had to leave?” I stared at her uneasily. “Is that why you’re cooking dinner, Jill?”

“She’s on her way to New York to see her grandkids.” Her smile was entirely too innocent. “Didn’t I tell you?”

“Uh… no.”

“Oh, dear. I was sure I’d said something about it. Sit down, darling Jack. I’m making you a very special dinner.”

That was what I was afraid of. I loved Jill more than anything. Well, except our kids. But as much as she loved cooking – the idea of it, collecting recipes and cookbooks, buying the latest in cookware – she couldn’t cook. She’d actually sent me to the hospital with food poisoning once, although I’d told her it was a stomach bug.

“Jilly, just tell me what you have to tell me. Then we’ll go out to dinner. The Elephant Walk, or Casablanca if you’d rather. Jar is old enough to keep an eye on Marti.”

“Oh, but Jack, I was making this just for you.”

“Please, sweet girl?”

“All right, party pooper.” She cleared her throat. “Let me get you a beer.”

I sat down. Now I was really getting nervous. “Is everything all right? The family?” That would be my family, my son Wills, who lived in DC, my parents, brothers, sisters-in-law, nephews, since Mathesons ran to boys.

“No, no, they’re all fine.”

Jill didn’t have much contact with her own family, but I asked anyway. “Your folks?”

She shrugged. “The last I heard, they were fine as well.” She looked at me from under her lashes. “Actually, it’s about Wills.”

A cold chill ran up my spine. “He didn’t have another car accident, did he?” A few years before he’d been in one bad enough to put him in the hospital.

“I’m sorry, darling Jack. I didn’t mean to worry you.” She ran her fingertips over my cheek and handed me a bottle of Michelob. “No, he’s fine too.”

I sagged in relief, and she sat down on my lap and toyed with a button on my shirt. I liked her weight on my thighs, and I set the beer down on the table and began nuzzling her earlobe.

“He called today, just to catch up.”

I drew back enough to look into her eyes. “In the middle of the afternoon on a workday?”

“That’s what I said. He finished an assignment, and it turned out so well his boss gave him the day off.”

“That’s my boy!”

“He’s such a sweetheart. Just like his father.” She ran her fingers through my hair at my pleased grinned. “I told him about Jar wanting a Prince Albert.”

“What did he say?” I knew Wills was more relaxed with the trends today’s teens followed, but I wondered how he’d regard his younger brother having his dick pierced.

“He said, and I quote: ‘Just the idea makes me want to cross my legs!’“

“Maybe the next time he comes home he can tell Jar that the old man isn’t as behind the times as Jar claims.”

“What old man?”

I stole a kiss and pinched her chin. “So what else is going on in our nation’s capital?”

“The usual, I suppose. We really didn’t talk much about… about that. Actually, he called to let me know about this weekend.”

“This weekend? Oh, the Memorial Day picnic.” Jake, my oldest brother, and I took turns throwing the holiday gathering. Sometimes Pete, a Marine sergeant major, was stationed in the country and could come. Sometimes Simon, who was closest to me only in age, would fly in from the West Coast with his wife and boys. This year, though, it was just going to be Jake and his wife, and their sons and families. “Any chance Wills’ll be able to come?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, he has the weekend off.”

“That’s wonderful!” He hadn’t been able to join us the last few years. The company he worked for kept him hopping. But they valued him – he’d got a promotion earlier in the year – and I didn’t know who was more proud of him, Jilly or myself.

“He… he wants to bring someone home with him, Jack, and he wanted to clear it with you first.”

“He always was a thoughtful boy.” I grinned at her. “The double bed in his room will be fine for two, but I think I’ll tell him his young lady will have to sleep in another room.” I was pleased that my oldest son was finally getting serious enough with someone to bring her home. The last time he had spoken of a girl had been back in college. I knew that he was busy with work, and of course he wasn’t the type of young man who would mention any one night stands. “So, what’s her name?”

“It’s Theo, Jack.” She got off my lap.

I blinked. “Jill, that’s a boy’s name.”

“Yes. Theo Bascopolis. Wills is bringing home a young man.”

“Oh. A friend. Well, that’s… that’s okay.” I tried to hide my disappointment. I was getting as bad as Charlie, Jake’s wife, who had wanted to see all her sons married and settled down. “I know he misses Michael very much, so of course I’m glad to hear he has a new friend.” I tipped the bottle of beer to my lips.

“Jack.” She wound her fingers in my hair and began to massage my scalp. I liked the way it felt. “Theo is more than Wills’ friend. He’s his… He’ll be staying with Wills in his room.”

“We have more than enough room for him to have his own…”

“Darling Jack. Please don’t be obtuse. Theo is Wills’s… boyfriend, I guess we could call him.”

The bottle fell from suddenly numb fingers, and the beer spilled out onto the table. Jill went to the sink and got a dishcloth.

“You’re telling me my son is gay?” My voice hoarsened and deepened with each word. I had a brother who was gay, and I knew how hard it had been for him, having to live all his adult life in the closet. That was the last thing I wanted for my son. “No. I…”

“Won’t permit it?” She cleaned up the mess, then came to stand behind me, her fingers working the knots in my shoulders. “I really don’t think you have a say in it, darling.”

“No.” I couldn’t seem to come up with any other word. Pete was a strong man, a Marine, but my boy…

“Jack, you have to try to understand Wills’ point of view.”

“How can I? How can he…” Oh, Sophe. No grandsons with your eyes, your mouth, I mourned. The discrimination and bigotry he faced… “No.” Maybe if I said it often enough, this would turn out to be a bad dream, or Jill’s idea of a practical joke. “If that’s the road he intends to travel, then…”

“Don’t you say he’s no son of yours, Jack. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life!”

“Don’t tell me what I will or won’t regret, goddammit!” I spun around in the chair, dislodging her hands from my shoulders, hurt that she would misjudge me so. And so I lashed out at her. “Why would it make any difference to you anyway? He’s not your son!”

It abruptly felt as if the Earth had stopped turning. Oh, my God. Please tell me that hadn’t just come out of my mouth!

“Is that what you believe, John?” My wife was sheet-white. “That because I didn’t give birth to Wills, that makes him any less my son than JR, any less my child than Marti?”

“Jill. Jilly, I’m sorry, you know I didn’t mean that.” I got to my feet and took a step toward her, and was horrified when she backed away from me.

“Do I, Jack? We’ve been together seventeen years now, and I’ve known you for longer than that. Or at least, I thought I knew you. Now I’m not so sure.” She turned away and walked toward the door.

I felt myself turn pale. There were things that she didn’t know, that I’d never felt the need to share with her.

Sophia, Wills’s mother, and I had tried various positions and acts while making love, including times when I would slide her slim vibrator into her plump bottom while I rode her. I tried desperately to remember if we’d done that while she was pregnant with Wills. She’d even used that vibrator on me, and once I got used to the feeling of fullness and she’d found the angle that brought it into contact with my prostate, I’d enjoyed it. Not to the point where I would ever want to fuck or be fucked by a man, but… the sensations were interesting.

Could Sophe and I have done this to our son? “Jill, all through high school and college he dated girls. Lots of them. Has he… has he always been like this?”

“Does it make any difference?” She paused and spoke without looking back at me. “Wills is your son, Jack. Are you willing to throw him away simply because the person he’s fallen in love with has a penis instead of a vagina? Eat dinner here or go out for something, it makes no difference. I’ve lost my appetite.”

And then she walked out, not giving me a chance to respond.

Blindly, I turned and sank down into the chair, my elbows propped on the table, my head in my hands.

How was I to deal with the fact that my firstborn son was gay? His mother was gone, killed in a car accident on Hicksville Road when he was five, and although I had remarried and had two more children, right then I felt as alone and lost as I had when my first wife had died.

~~~~

The Sabatini family moved next door to our house in Seaford, on Long Island, when I was nine. There weren’t many Italian families in our neighborhood. Rumor had it Mr. Sabatini used to drive for one of the Mafia dons, and that could have been true, but all anyone knew for sure was that he’d opened a gas station on Montauk Highway and went to work there every day.

They were a small family for Italians, just the mom and dad and two kids. Later we learned that Gregorio, the oldest son, had been killed in the line of duty – he’d been a New York City cop – and Maria, the oldest daughter, was actually Sister Marie Saint Paolo.

Tony Sabatini became my best friend. We played cowboys and Indians and war, and biked everywhere together, running errands for our mothers, and as we got older, going to the movies or to White Castle or McDonald’s. His sister Sophia, a year younger, tagged along wherever we went. A lot of times when I went to the library, I’d find her there, and we’d study together. She had the same olive skin tones, dark brown hair, and eyes the color of bittersweet chocolate as the rest of her family. She always wore jeans, which drove her mother nuts, because if girls wore pants, they were either capris or pedal pushers, and Tony’s shirts, which drove him nuts.

I was sixteen when I realized she looked better in them than he did, and more than anything I wanted to ask her out on a date. I would have, as much as I valued my friendship with her brother, but everyone knew that Mr. Sabatini didn’t look kindly on the neighborhood boys asking his Sophia out.

I asked Jenny McDermott out instead.

Jenny McDermott also had brown hair, although it was much lighter than Sophe’s. Her eyes were an astonishing blue. She lived down at the end of the cul de sac a few blocks away. In the normal course of events, we would never have gotten together, but she sat behind me in homeroom. “I love your hair,” she whispered and ran her fingers through the blond strands. I loved the feel of that, something so erotic I was suddenly, embarrassingly hard.

“Want to go out Saturday night?” I heard myself ask.

“And do what?” She watched me from under her lashes.

“We could go to the movies, and then go to Mrs. Dee’s for pizza.” Mrs. Dee’s was a small, family run pizzeria on Broadway in Massapequa.

“I’d like that.” Jenny smiled.

We had a good time. That date led to another and another, and before long, Jenny was considered my girl. We went steady throughout high school.

I tried to talk her into going to college after graduation, but she gave me a lopsided grin. “My folks can’t afford it—”

“There are scholarships.” I planned on going to Cornell up in Ithaca to get a degree in architecture, and while my Dad had set aside something for college for all of his sons, I also had a few scholarships lined up myself.

“—and besides, my grades are awful.”

“I could help you.”

“No. Barb said she’d get me a job at Woolworth’s.” Barb was her oldest sister. She worked behind the cash register in the notions department five days a week.

I couldn’t think of a more boring job and said so.

“It’s only until we… I get married.”

I liked Jenny. Maybe… For a moment I thought wistfully of the girl who lived next door, then pushed her image from my mind.

Maybe I even loved Jen. But I wasn’t getting married until I finished college, and I told her so.

After we graduated from high school, Jen did start working at Woolworth’s.

Tony was going to college in the fall too, to the State University of New York at Stony Brook, out in… well… Stony Brook on the Island. His momma couldn’t bear the thought of him going away, and as a good Italian son, he was willing to stay local, even though it meant a pretty long drive.

“Hey, Jack,” he shrugged, “it gets me wheels!”

That was in the fall, however. Until then, I would work with Dad and my oldest brother Jake as I’d done every summer in the family’s construction company that my grandfather had founded. Dad had started me when I was fourteen and old enough to get working papers, but I’d been at the various sites even before then. I’d run for coffee or sandwiches, and the guys had always given me the change as a tip.

“Whatcha gonna do with all that money, sport?” they would tease as I pocketed the coins.

“I’m saving up for my own house.”

And they’d laugh.

Even Dad would laugh, and he’d ruffle my hair. “My boy’s gonna be an architect and join his old man and his big brother in the business!”

Peter and Simon, the brothers between Jake and me, had decided against a job in Matheson & Sons. Pete was a career Marine – Mom went to church with Mrs. Sabatini everyday and lit candles for him to stay safe – and Simon was teaching chemistry at Cal Tech. Mom lit candles for him too, because everyone knew the next big earthquake would send California sliding into the ocean.

I didn’t mind that Dad had planned out my life. I liked the work, and I couldn’t wait to eventually go away to college so I could get my degree.

And now it was almost here.

There was the usual block party for the Fourth, and I brought Jenny to it. We played volleyball, danced to music on the record player someone had attached to a long extension cord and propped on a crate that had held soda bottles – I even kind of danced with Sophia. Kind of, because it was the Twist, and I didn’t have my arms around her – and ate hotdogs, hamburgers, and Mrs. Sabatini’s mouth-watering sausage, peppers, and onions heroes.

When it started to get dark, I borrowed Dad’s Chevy and drove with Jenny over to Massapequa Park to see the fireworks display. There was patriotic music on the radio, and Jenny oooh’d and ahh’d as the sky lit up and cuddled against me. After the grand finale, we drove around until I found a place to park, and Jenny and I got in the back seat.

“We could get married, Jack.” She brought it up again.

“I’ve got to go to college, Jen. You know my dad would have a conniption fit if I didn’t.”

“Am I still your girl?” She began unbuttoning her blouse.

“Well… well, sure.”

“You’re going to meet all kinds of girls while you’re away. Pretty, sophisticated, wild.” She undid her bra and brought my hand to her breast. “Promise me you won’t date them.”

“Sure, Jenny.” I rubbed her nipple, and it swelled under my touch. My dick grew so hard I ached. Usually we touched each other while we made out, but always over our clothes. My hand began to tremble. I eased her down on the seat, fumbling with the button of my fly. At that point I would have promised her anything.

It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later, when Jenny and I went parking again, that I realized how stupid – how lucky – I’d been.

“We can’t do anything tonight, Jack,” she murmured in my ear as I slid my fingers under the cuff of her shorts. “I have my period.”

It slammed into me that instead of going to college, I could have been getting married, because, of course, if I’d gotten her pregnant, I would have married her.

Before our next date, I made sure I went to a drugstore a couple of towns over where no one knew me and bought a box of rubbers. Jenny wasn’t happy about that.

“You don’t need them, Jack. I trust you to pull out in time.” She rubbed herself against my thigh, and her heat took my breath away.

“I’m not sure that I could, Jen. You’re so hot, and it feels so good… We’re too young to be parents.”

“I thought you loved me. Don’t you want to marry me?”

“Not now, Jenny!” I couldn’t believe she was actually willing to play Vatican roulette. “Jesus, we’re only eighteen.”

“My mother got married when she was sixteen.”

And even living a few blocks away, we had heard tales of how successful that marriage was, how Mr. and Mrs. McDermott could be heard screaming and throwing pots and dishes at each other on the hot summer nights when the windows were open.

“I’d better take you home, Jen. It’s getting late, and I need to be up early in the morning.”

She pouted the whole ride home.

“You… uh… you want to go to the movies next Friday night?”

She shrugged, but she didn’t say no.

Things were a little cool between us until my last week at home. She called just after Ed Sullivan on Sunday night.

“Jack, my parents are going to the Poconos on Friday, and they’re taking Kevin and Little Sean with them.” They were twins, the youngest of the McDermott brood. Jenny had often been responsible for their care.

“What about you, Jen?” Shouldn’t I have been disappointed that she wouldn’t be around?

“Oh, I have to stay home. I haven’t been at Woolworth’s long enough to get a vacation. You could come over if you like. You could… you could even stay the night.” As if she could sense my reluctance, she began to sniffle. “Please, Jack? You’re going to be gone for so long. Please, honey?”

Tears always made me feel like a bastard. “Okay. What time do you want me over?”

“Right after work? I’ll cook dinner for you.”

“Sure, Jen. I’ll see you on Friday.”

“Cool! Bye, honey.” She blew a kiss into the phone and hung up.

I was about to hang up myself, when I thought I heard a click on the line, as if someone had been on the extension. But my mother was in the kitchen singing “Stupid Cupid,” and Dad was in the living room looking for something else to watch. I shrugged and went in to join him.

**

After work on Friday, Jake slung his arm around my shoulders. “What do you say to coming with Dad and me to the Sinn Fein?”

The Sinn Fein was a little corner bar on 109. It was dark and smelled of beer. The jukebox was loaded with Irish songs, “The Lonely Hills of Upton,” “The Wild Rover,” “The Black Velvet Band.” All the men went there after work for a few beers, but Dad had always sent me home.

I turned to my father. “Can I, Dad?”

“You sure can, sport. You’re gonna be a college man and help us put this little company on the map. I think that means you’re old enough to knock back a few.”

“But Mom…” She’d blown a gasket the one time she found out Tony and I had snuck some beers on Jones Beach after dark.

“I already cleared it with your mother.”

I forgot about any other plans I might have had.

We sat at the bar. I was a little disappointed that Dad bought me a Coke, but then he slid his glass of beer toward me, and ordered another for himself.

“Just don’t let anyone see that glass in front of you. Gene,” he nodded toward the bartender, who smiled and continued filling little bowls with beer nuts, “could get in trouble.”

Somebody brought in pizzas, and someone else brought in Chinese food. Songs poured out of the jukebox, and I listened, wide-eyed, as the men told stories of different jobs they’d been on, of the piss-poor helpers and rotten bosses, Grandpa and Dad excepted of course. As the beer continued to flow, they went on to tell how Bob Johnson had gotten so bombed he’d driven into an airport limo – “And let that be a lesson to you, sport,” Dad whispered. “Never drink and drive!” – how Charlie O’Neill had walked home from the bar after closing one night, then reported his car stolen the next day because he’d forgotten he’d left it there, how Joe Johnson, brother of Bob, had fallen asleep in his car outside the Sinn Fein after throwing up Bloody Marys, resulting in an emergency call for an ambulance because the tomato juice on his T-shirt looked like blood and an unsuspecting good Samaritan thought he’d been shot.

I laughed until I had hiccups, and before I realized it, it was after ten p.m.

“I’d better go, Dad.” Jake finished the last of his beer and left the change in front of him as a tip. “My Charlie’s gonna be wanting me home.”

The men teased Jake about being tied to his wife’s apron strings. He just laughed and walked out.

I wondered if I’d ever love Jenny that much. Jenny… There was something I was supposed to do that concerned Jenny and Friday night…

Abrupty, I forgot all about Jenny. “Oh, Jesus, Dad, Mom is gonna kill us!” Friday was soup night, some kind of vegetable soup because it was a day of abstinence. Mom always wanted us to have dinner at home, and while she didn’t mind if Dad stopped to have a couple of beers, she wasn’t going to be happy about this.

“No, it’s okay, son.” He ruffled my hair as if I were still twelve years old. “I called her when Charlie O’Neill brought in the pizzas. She said she’d put the soup in the fridge. We’ll have it tomorrow night.”

“Cool. Um… Do we have to go home now?”

“Not a chance. Dawn Patrol is coming on.”

The bar fell silent. Gene had turned on the little TV above the bar, and we all settled in to watch the Errol Flynn movie.

The second time my chin slipped off my palm, Dad patted my shoulder. “We’d better be heading home, sport. ’Night, everyone.”

“Yeah. ’Night, everyone,” I mumbled and followed after him, unable to walk in a straight line but somehow managing not to trip over my own feet.

I fell asleep on the car ride home, and semi-woke when Dad hoisted me over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift.

“’m not drunk.”

“I know.” He gave my butt a light whack. “You’re a Matheson, after all.”

“’kay. Jus’ so y’know.” I began to sing, trying for an Irish accent. “‘I’ve been a wild rover fer many a year, An’ I’ve spent ahl me money on whiskey and beer…’”

Dad laughed and carried me to my room, and dumped me on my bed. That was the last thing I remembered until the next morning. Someone tapping on my door woke me up, and I managed to get my eyelashes unstuck and an eye opened. I was wearing undershorts and an undershirt. Dad must have undressed me the night before.

Jake leaned against the door jamb, grinning. “Morning, merry sunshine. Mom’s made breakfast.”

The smell that came wafting up from the kitchen would normally have had me drooling in anticipation, but that morning my head was pounding, my mouth tasted vile, and my stomach was undecided as to whether it liked me anymore.

It decided it didn’t, and I bolted for the bathroom down the hall, making it just in time.

“How come you’re not puking your guts up?” I griped when my stomach had untwisted itself.

“The first time Dad took me to the Sinn Fein, I did. You’ll do better from now on.”

“Oh, no. No more drinking for me, ever!”

“Moderation, sport. Everything in moderation.”

I just washed my face, brushed my teeth, and swallowed the aspirin he handed me. “What are you doing here anyway? Aren’t you married?”

“Yeah. But Charlie wanted to sleep in. She gave me dispensation to take the boys and be elsewhere, and Mom has volunteered to keep the boys today.”

“Huh.” I opened the medicine chest and took another aspirin. “Is she pregnant again?” My brother and his wife already had two sons, and Charlie had said she wanted to try for a little girl, even though everyone knew Mathesons ran to boys.

“We don’t know yet. It’s too early to tell. Don’t dawdle, Jack.” He went downstairs, and after I pulled on a pair of pajama pants, I padded down after him.

“Uncle Jack! Uncle Jack!” Two blond boys threw themselves at me.

I flinched at the shouts that greeted me. “Ben. Stevie.” I swallowed and patted their shoulders.

“Now, boys, Uncle Jack isn’t feeling too well.” Jake was laughing at me.

“Sorry, Uncle Jack,” they murmured in chorus.

“Why don’t you go inside and see if Bugs Bunny is on?”

“Okay, Daddy.” They left at a gallop, and I flinched again at the sound of their sneakers on the linoleum.

“Thanks, Jake.” I decided I’d forgive him for finding my affliction a source of amusement.

“Don’t mention it, sport.”

“Good morning, John.”

“Morning, Mom.” I felt her eyes on me and wondered if I looked as green as I felt. I took my seat at the kitchen table. A glass of orange juice was at my place, and I picked it up.

Dad clapped a hand on my shoulder. “Our boy is a man.”

Mom snorted and put a cup of coffee and a plate of bacon and eggs before me. The aspirin must have started working, or maybe it was the orange juice that helped, because surprisingly, my stomach didn’t object.

“Someone ask me how my evening was.” She poured more coffee for Dad.

Was that a trick question? “Uh… how was your evening, Mom?”

“I’m glad you asked. I spent it answering the phone.” She turned back to the stove to ease over the eggs. “I answered the phone twelve times. Now ask me who was calling.”

I took a bite of toast. “Who was calling?”

“Jenny McDermott.”

“Oh, sh…! Um… sorry, Mom.”

“I take it that you forgot you had a date last night?”

“Completely. I’d better call her.”

“You might want to give her some time to cool off, son.”

“She’s wasn’t happy, huh?”

“To put it mildly. Her last words to me were she didn’t want to see you or talk to you ever again. Ever. To tell you the truth, I was surprised not to see fireworks coming from the direction of Joyce Hill Court when I went to let Dog out.”

Dog, our yellow Lab, was lying in front of the refrigerator. Even in the summer she loved the heat it threw off. On hearing her name mentioned, she raised her head. Her jaws parted in a doggy grin, and her tail thumped against the floor.

I blew out a breath, waiting for depression to settle in. Jenny and I’d had a fight and broken up once when we’d first started going steady, and all I’d done for the two weeks before we got back together was mope around the house. Now there was just a sneaking feeling of relief.

I broke off a piece of toast and held it out for Dog.

“Could I have some more bacon, Mom?” I looked up in time to see her exchange a smile with my father. “Mom?”

Then she smiled at me. “Of course, John.”

Part 2

My first year at college was amazing. It dragged, it flew by. I was glad to be on my own, I missed my family. In spite of my promise to Jenny, I saw other girls. How could I not?

When I returned home for the summer, I was amazed to find how small the neighborhood seemed to have gotten, but after a few hours, my perspective switched back to pre-college times, and it was as if nothing had changed at all.

Tony came over after dinner. We sat on the steps of the front porch, watching the lightning bugs and chug-a-lugging Cokes. He talked about being the first male Sabatini to ever go to college.

“Pop wants me to be a doctor. It should keep me out of the ‘police action.’” He sneered at the term.

“You’d want to go?” It wasn’t something I had to worry about. I’d dislocated my knee falling off a ladder when I was younger, and it had had a tendency to pop out ever since then, so Uncle Sam decided he didn’t want me. Jake was out of it too because of his age, plus the fact that he now had three children. Charlie had been expecting last summer and had just given birth to another bouncing baby boy. Simon had some kind of exemption because of what he taught. As for Pete, he’d already served a tour in Vietnam and now was stationed in Japan.

“Hell, no. But I hate that they think we’re stupid enough to not be able to tell that it’s a war. Politicians.” The way he said it made it a four letter word. “So tell me about life in a dorm. Are you going to rush a fraternity?”

“I did, this past spring. I’m Alpha Omega Chi. Living in a dorm was okay. I had two other roommates. One of them, Ed, was a real dick. He kept picking on Andy, who was this skinny little guy. Ed called him a fagola and laughed as if he’d said something clever.” I grinned.

“That isn’t funny.”

“No, but it was when Andy beat the ‘crapola’ out of him. Just goes to show how deceiving appearances can be.”

“How so?”

“Andy had more notches on his bedpost than half that floor combined.”

Tony’s eyes widened, and then he groaned. “You lucky son of a bitch! I am missing so much, living at home! Tell me more so at least I can live vicariously.”

I told him more, keeping my voice down in case Mom was nearby.

“You lucky son of a bitch!” he repeated, practically salivating.

Finally I was able to bring the subject around to what I was most interested in. “How’s… uh… how’s Sophe? I’m surprised she didn’t come over with you.”

“She’s out with her boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” My stomach felt suddenly hollow.

“Junior Calaviere. Pop would’ve had a fit if she’d dated anyone who wasn’t Italian.”

“Yeah. I guess so.” I didn’t want to hear any more and changed the subject. “So what will you do this summer?”

“I’ve got a part time gig at Adventureland.” It was the amusement park that had opened a year or so earlier in Farmingdale.

“Well, it’s a good place to meet girls.”

“That’s why I took it. What about you, Jack?”

“I’ll be working with my dad and Jake again.”

“Are you gonna take over after you graduate?”

“Get outta here. My old man is going strong. He’ll never turn over the business.”

“Are you… uh… gonna call Jenny McDermott?”

I shrugged. “Maybe.”

“She’s been seeing Rob Thompson while you were away.”

“I know.”

“I guess your momma told you?”

“No, actually, Sophe wrote me.” But why hadn’t she written that she was seeing that creep, Junior? Not that I knew him, but I was sure he was a creep anyway.

“Sophia wrote you? My sister Sophia?”

“Yeah, your sister. How many Sophias do we know?”

“I’m just… Sophia?”

“You got a problem with that?”

“No. I’m just surprised. Sophia hates to write.”

“Well, she wrote to me.”

“How come?”

I shrugged. “She came over just before I left for Ithaca and said she had an assignment for English, to correspond with someone she knew.”

“Man, Honors English is a bitch. Glad we never had to take it.”

“Me too.”

“Why’d she pick you?”

I’d asked her the same thing, hoping for… well, something. “She told me it was your mother’s idea.” And I’d been sorry I’d asked. “I was the only one she knew who was gonna be away from home, so it would be a real correspondence.” Had you expected her to say it was because she was going to miss you? Just be glad it gave you a way to be in touch with her.

“Yeah, that makes sense. I hope she wasn’t too much of a pest.”

Only those weeks when I was expecting a letter and didn’t get one.

“So what do you say we go out for White Castle? I’ll drive.”

“Great idea.” That was actually our code for cruising for chicks. I tipped the Coke back and finished it, glad for an excuse to end the conversation.

I didn’t see much of Sophe that summer. We ran into each other at the library a couple of times, and once we double-dated, she and Junior, me and Jenny. I knew whose bright idea that had been – mine. It was the closest I would get to an actual date with Sophe.

It wasn’t obvious – at least I hoped it wasn’t obvious – but I wanted to be the one in the back seat with Sophia. I wanted to have my arm around her, wanted to touch her thick, dark hair, drop a kiss on her ear.

Jenny had jumped at the opportunity of a date when I’d called and asked if she wanted to go to the movies – Tony had said Sophe was dying to see A Hard Day’s Night – and now Jen sat plastered next to me, her head on my shoulder, the perfume she wore clogging my nostrils, and her hand high on my thigh. She was happy to note the bulge in my jeans.

“Let’s find someplace to park after the movie, Jack.”

“Yeah, Matheson. That sounds like a good idea.”

“Sorry, I can’t. Jake wants his car back.” He and Dad were working on the Chevy, and Jake had let me borrow the T-Bird he had restored.

“Aw, will big brother spank?”

“Shut up, Junior.” Through the rear view mirror I saw Sophe take his arm from her shoulder and put some space between them. “It’s fine, Jack. I have to be home right after the movie anyway.”

“Daddy doesn’t let his pwecious widdle girl stay out late?”

It was my turn, although I couldn’t move away from Jenny. “Shut up, Jenny.”

We didn’t double date again.

Jenny and I fell back into the habit of dating. I borrowed Dad’s car, and we’d see a movie and go to White Castle, or maybe just go for a ride.

“Mom’s pregnant again.”

“Uh… “

“I’m so embarrassed. You would think at their age my parents would know better, but no, I’m going to have another brother or sister to take care of, who’ll be young enough to be my kid, and all because my father came home drunk one night, and Mom didn’t have time to put her diaphragm in.”

I felt my face go up in flames. Jenny never seemed to have a problem discussing her parents’ personal lives. I knew my own parents had sex, but it wasn’t something I talked about or even liked to dwell on.

Jenny leaned against me. “Jack, we haven’t made love since you came back from college. Don’t you… don’t you love me anymore?”

“Well… well… sure I do, Jenny.” I hated myself for lying to her.

“Why don’t we find someplace to park?” She leaned against me and squeezed my crotch.

My dick quickly swelled, and I headed the car toward a parking lot that I knew was unlit, and which would afford us privacy.

I was going to have sex with Jenny, even though I didn’t have a rubber.

I’d learned a lot besides what was in books my first year at college, and one thing had been that when you could have sex anytime, anywhere, and with just about anyone, it lost its sheen, so to speak. By the time I’d gone through my second box of rubbers, it was no longer special. They hadn’t known my favorite food or my favorite book or movie. Some of them hadn’t even known my last name. I’d grown tired of how impersonal it all was, and never bothered getting a third box of rubbers.

But Jenny had been my first, and I didn’t want her to feel bad, so I was going to.

She lay down on the back seat. The light cotton material of the summer dress she wore trembled with each breath she took. I stroked her breasts through her dress. She hadn’t worn a bra. I pushed my jeans and shorts down around my knees and reached under her dress to pull her panties off. She hadn’t worn those either. She was hot and wet under my fingers, and she cried out when I teased her clit.

I went still. It wasn’t my name she’d cried out. My erection deflated.

“Jack? Why’d you stop, baby?”

“I’m not Rob.”

“I know that. What are you…” It dawned on her what she’d done. She grabbed at me frantically. “Please don’t stop! I want you so much!”

“But you called me Rob.”

“I’m sorry, Jack! I don’t know why I did that!”

Didn’t she? I tugged my pants back up and tucked my dick away. “It’s probably a good thing, Jenny. You could have gotten pregnant.”

“No, I wouldn’t! It’s the wrong time of the month, honest it is! And I’ve told you – I trust you!”

“Ah, honey, it would have felt so good inside you, I wouldn’t have been able to pull out.” I stroked the hair off her face.

“If I did get pregnant, you could… you could always marry me!”

And that was what I was afraid of. “Jen, I’ve still got four years of college. I wouldn’t be able to take care of a wife and baby.” Not to mention my father would skin me alive for being so stupid.

“You could drop out and work for your dad.” She tried to pull me back on top of her. “Please, Jack! Please make love to me!”

“I can’t, Jenny.” It wouldn’t be making love, it would just be a fuck in the back seat of my father’s car. “It’s not fair to you. You deserve more.”

“I bet if it was Sophia Sabatini you wouldn’t say that.” She shoved me away and curled up in a corner of the car. I could hear her crying.

She was right, but I wasn’t going to let that and guilt pressure me into having sex with her.

“Do you need a tissue, Jen?” Mom always made sure there was a packet in the glove compartment.

“Please.” She sniffled.

I got into the front seat and rummaged for the tissues. She took one, then straightened her clothes and got back beside me, and I drove her home.

She didn’t ask if we were going to see each other again, and I didn’t have to lie to her again and tell her, “Sure.”

The next time I saw her, it was a couple of weeks later, at a local ice cream parlor. She was with Rob Thompson, draped over his arm, gazing up at him with adoration. She’d looked at me like that once.

All I felt was relief that it wasn’t me now.

**

When I returned to Cornell in the fall, I found a stack of mail waiting for me, all letters from Sophe, and I scanned them quickly. Once I realized that none of them was going to announce her engagement to Junior Calaviere, I went back and read them with pleasure.

We continued corresponding that year, and I could hardly wait to get home to see her again.

She wasn’t around at all that summer.

“Where’s Sophe, Tony?” I asked casually.

“Aunt Rosa’s depressed now that Uncle Tonio’s passed on, so Momma sent Sophia to Brooklyn to keep her company and help out.”

“When’s she coming home?”

“Not until school starts.”

Shit. Dad didn’t mind letting me borrow the car, but he’d have a fit if he knew I wanted to drive it to Brooklyn.

“She and Pop got into it pretty good.”

“I thought Sophe could do no wrong.”

“Pop wants her to get engaged to Junior. He says if she’s too picky, she’ll wind up an old maid.”

“What did she say to that?” She was only nineteen.

He just shrugged, and I could see he wasn’t about to tell me. Some things stayed in the family. “Hey, did you hear? Jenny McDermott and Rob Thompson are getting married. He’s proud as punch and telling everyone about it.”

“What does Jenny say?”

“Beyond that she’ll be glad to leave Woolworth’s, not much of anything.” He leaned closer. “Actually, word is they have to get married.”

“Ah.” I thought of how close that had come to being me, and I couldn’t prevent a shudder. Tony noticed.

“Are you okay, Jack? She was your girlfriend for the longest time.”

“I’m fine. I hope they’ll be happy.”

“Uh… yeah. Um… The Golden Arches after work?”

“Sounds good to me. You at Adventureland again?”

“Yeah. I’ll need a ride. Stacey Conlyn is driving today.”

“Who?”

“You don’t know her. I work with her.”

“Okay. I’ll pick you up then.”

“Cool.”

I had no trouble getting dates that summer. I was a Cornell man, after all. I even brought a date, Patsy Brown, a friend of the girl Tony was seeing, to Jenny’s wedding.

I would have gone stag – I didn’t mind if Jenny thought I was pining after her, but I definitely didn’t want her thinking I was pining after Sophe.

It was a sad little reception. The groom’s family stayed on their side of the hall, watching the bride’s side in wary fascination.

Mr. McDermott started hitting the bar as soon as it opened. Mrs. McDermott looked tired and older than her years. The baby she carried on her hip couldn’t have been more than a couple of months old. A cap of red-gold hair covered the baby’s scalp, and when she opened her eyes, they were an unbelievable aquamarine. She didn’t cry the whole time.

The rest of Jenny’s brothers and sisters were boisterous, the older ones sneaking drinks and getting bombed, and the younger ones just running wild, crashing into the guests. Jenny looked miserable until Rob touched her shoulder and smiled at her. She leaned against him, and I thought maybe they would find happiness together.

When it came time for Jenny to throw the bouquet, Patsy gave me a wink and rushed up with the other unmarried girls. She caught it.

I made sure I missed the garter, even though it seemed that Rob aimed it directly at me. Patsy wasn’t very happy about that. Jenny didn’t seem too thrilled either.

It didn’t matter. That was the last time Patsy and I went out together.

**

The beginning of my third year at Cornell, and I was surprised to run into Sophia on campus. “Sophe!”

“You’re the only one who calls me that, you know? Hi, Jack. It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too.” I figured I could get away with a hug, as long as I kept it brotherly. She was a nice armful, and she smelled good. Instead of kissing her, as I would have sold my soul to do, I let her go and smiled. “I missed you this past summer. What are you doing here though?”

“I thought it would be a good idea to get away from the family for a bit. Aunt Rosa ran me ragged. She has a list of medications as long as your arm, and I was always going to the drugstore for Milk of Magnesia or … um…” She blushed, a pretty pink, smiled and cleared her throat. “She’d give me a list when she sent me to the store, but she’d always forget something, and I’d have to go back for it. And my cousin Theresa was staying with her too. With her kids. Guess who got to watch the little demons?”

“Poor Sophia.”

“You got that straight! Anyway, my counselor at Farmingdale said my grades were so good I should go to a four year college for a bachelor’s degree, and I chose Cornell.”

“Sophe, that’s so fantastic!” I was proud of her. The degree she was working toward had something to do with education and little kids, and her counselor had actually said her grades were great. Mrs. Sabatini had told Mom, bemoaning the fact that her little girl was going to be an old maid.

Sophia shook her head. “Momma didn’t think so. She went to bed for three days, and Pop… Well, I thought he was going to rupture something.”

“But you stood your ground and came here anyway.”

“Well, yeah!”

I couldn’t stop myself. “I’m so proud of you!” And I hugged her again. “But… weren’t you worried about being here all by yourself?”

“Nah. You’re here.”

“Yeah?” I hoped my grin wasn’t as dopey as it felt. “I was wondering why no letters were waiting for me when I got back to campus.” I knew the writing assignment had been long since finished, and I’d thought she’d grown bored, or maybe had found someone in Brooklyn.

“I wanted to write, believe me! But I was afraid you’d see what a horror I can be. My family makes me nuts sometimes.”

I’d never think she was a horror. “Family can be like that. Listen. Why don’t we go down to the student lounge, and you can tell me all about Aunt Rosa and Cousin Theresa and her brood. I’ll buy you a Coke,” I wheedled.

“Cool.” She took my hand and swung it gently between us, and I could barely catch my breath.

It was a warm, sunny September day, Indian summer in all its glory, and we took our Cokes outside and found a bench under an oak tree whose leaves were starting to turn color.

I waited to hear her stories. Sophe had a way about telling them. She’d made me laugh so hard one time that I’d snorted Coke through my nose. She’d be a great teacher.

“I hated Jenny McDermott,” she told me out of a clear blue sky as we sat sipping our sodas.

“Why? Jenny’s a nice girl.”

“I know.”

“I don’t understand then. Why say you hated her?”

“She was dating you.”

I tried to keep my jaw from dropping. Sophe had noticed? Well, of course she’d noticed, but... she’d noticed? “If I remember correctly, you were dating Junior Calaviere.”

“That jerk. Pop didn’t like the idea of me going out with any boy who wasn’t Italian.”

“That’s what Tony said.”

“My brother has a big mouth.”

“So, uh… Junior was a jerk?”

“Yeah. He had a lot of chest hair.”

My gut twisted in a way that it hadn’t when I’d realized that Jenny had probably been sleeping with Rob Thompson. “How do you know that?”

“Please.” Her mouth twisted in a moue of distaste. “In the summer he wore a sleeveless undershirt, and there would be tufts of black hair sticking out all over.”

“I’m… uh… I don’t have a lot of chest hair.”

“I remember. I saw you when you came over to use the pool last summer.”

She had? I ducked my head and pretended the seam of my jeans was interesting. “What… uh… what else made Junior a jerk?”

“He kept trying to get his hand in my blouse or under my skirt.”

That bastard! “Sophe, did he touch you, hurt you? I’ll kill him!”

“Thank you, Jack.” She leaned toward me and kissed my cheek. “Tony taught me how to take care of myself. That’s the one reason Pop didn’t blow a bigger gasket when I told him I had no intention of going out with Junior ever again.”

My cheek tingled from where she’d pressed her lips. “He wants you to marry a nice Italian boy.”

“Yes, but he’s not the one who’ll have to live with the ‘nice Italian boy.’ I told him no more. If he didn’t stop, I’d…” She slanted a look at me, her face pink once more. “I’d just start dating the boy next door.”

I was the only boy next door. The people who lived on the other side of her house were a business couple who had no kids. Did that mean…

“Sophe, what’s my favorite food?”

“Are you kidding? It’s your mother’s pot roast.”

“What about my favorite book?”

“‘The Three Musketeers.’“

“My favorite movie?”

She gave me a puzzled look. “Pride of the Yankees. Why?”

“None of the girls I dated here knew anything about me, except that I was a good... um...” I blushed. I couldn’t tell her they liked the way I used my cock.

“I see. So if I asked you the same questions...” 

“Your mother’s ravioli with meat sauce, To Kill a Mockingbird, and Psycho. Though how you could sit through that…” I’d had to shower with the curtain open for a month after I’d seen that movie.

“Hitch was playing mind games with us, Jack. Once I figured that out…”

I couldn’t stop myself. I kissed her, just a light brush of my lips over hers. She sat back, smiled, and touched her lips. “It’s about time. I’ve been wondering forever when you would kiss me.”

She had? “You have? Can I kiss you again?”

“Please.”

How to describe what kissing Sophia Sabatini was like? Fireworks. Gripping an electrical wire barehanded. Waves crashing on a shore. More fireworks. Her lips were soft and lush and warm, and tasted of Coke. They glided back and forth beneath mine, and I suddenly had a raging hard-on.

Whistles and catcalls brought me to my senses, and reluctantly I pulled away from her.

 

“Jack,” she sighed. Her eyes were still closed, and there was a sweet smile on her lips.

I licked my lips. “Sophe, how would your father react if I asked you out?”

“On a date?”

“On a date.”

“He’s not here, Jack.”

“No, but he’ll be there when we go home.”

“And you’ll still want to see me then?”

I took her hand, turned it over, and pressed a kiss to her palm. “Now, then, always, Sophia.”

**

I called Mr. Sabatini as soon as I returned to the Alpha Omega Chi house, having walked Sophia to her dorm.

“Mrs. Sabatini, it’s Jack Matheson. ... I’m good, thank you, and how are you? ... That’s good. Um… Can I— ... No, no, everything’s fine. Can I talk to your husband, please? ... Thanks.” I waited what felt like an eternity.

“Yes, Jack?”

“Hi, Mr. Sabatini. How are you?”

“Jack, you din’t call me from Ithaca to ask about my health. What’s wrong? Is it Sophia? Is my little girl okay?”

“She’s fine, Mr. Sabatini. I ran into her here on campus. Um… I want to take her out, and I’m calling to ask your permission.”

“Sophia always liked you, better even than any of the Italian boys we tried to get her interested in.”

“Really?” My voice rose and cracked on the last syllable. I cleared my throat. “Really? I’ve always liked Sophia too.”

“So why you don’t ask her out before this? You think maybe because I’m not next door right now you can do what you like with her?”

“No, sir. I just … I never thought… Frankly, I didn’t think she liked me that way. And I like my balls where they are very much.”

“What?” He started laughing. “Smart boy, even if you not Italian. Okay. I give my permission. Just you remember. I like you father and mother, but if you hurt my girl, I kill you anyway.”

“Yes, sir. I promise I’ll treat Sophia like a queen. Goodbye, and thank you again.” I hung up, grinning.

I figured I’d let him get used to the idea of his daughter having an American boyfriend before I told him I wanted to marry her.

Part 3

Sophe graduated the year before I did, since my degree required five years. We were going to be married as soon as I graduated.

She would have found a job in Ithaca to stay close, but her father put his foot down: she came home, or the engagement was off.

“It’ll be okay, baby,” I told her, although I didn’t like the idea of her being that far away from me. “You can help Momma plan the wedding.” As soon as we’d gotten engaged, Mrs. Sabatini had instructed me to call her ‘Momma.’

“And I’ll get a job and start saving up for our house.”

“Oh, Sophe. What a sweetheart you are.” I’d told her I’d been doing that with the money I’d earned working for Dad. Dad honked the horn. He was giving me a ride up to Ithaca. “I have to go.”

“Okay, Jack.” Her eyes filled with tears, and they looked like drowned pansies.

“I’m gonna miss you so much!” I kissed her. She had a mouth made for kissing. “I’ll call you, but I want you to write to me too.”

“I will, I promise. Just like the first two years you were away.” She threw her arms around my neck, hugged me tight, whispered, “I love you,” in my ear, then let go and ran into the house.

“You okay, son?” Dad put the car in drive.

“Yeah.” I took a shuddering breath.

“Here.” He handed me a tissue.

“Sophe must have gotten tears on me.” I dried my cheeks.

“Yeah.” He got on the Seaford Oyster Bay Expressway North, heading for the Parkway. “I’ve always liked Sophia. So has your mother. You’ve made a good choice, Jack.”

**

I graduated the following spring, and immediately after, Sophe and I got married. She looked like an angel in white.

When we returned from our honeymoon at Strickland’s in the Poconos, we lived in her bedroom at home until we found an apartment. Fortunately, her room was farthest from her parents’ bedroom, but it gave added incentive to getting a place of our own.

The apartment was in Massapequa, and it wasn’t legal, but we weren’t going to tell anyone. Sophe kept that little apartment in spotless condition, just like Momma had taught her, and she cooked the most amazing meals.

I went to work for Dad full time, and she continued working, teaching preschoolers in a small private school.

We talked about having a baby, and decided to put off having one right away. “Let’s save up for a place of our own first, Jack.”

But I did better than that. Dad had found a nice piece of property in an area we were interested in. While my wife thought I was working extra jobs on the weekend to earn the money for our house, I was actually having it built. It was going to be big enough to hold as many kids as the Brady Bunch, and it would have everything Sophe had ever mentioned she wanted or liked – a master bedroom with an en suite bath that had a sunken tub, a nursery just down the hall from the master, a sewing room for her and a study for me, a living room with a wood-burning fireplace and built-ins surrounding it, a gourmet kitchen, a game room in the finished basement.

“Let’s go for a ride,” I suggested one Sunday after we’d finished lunch with her parents and Tony and Angelina, his wife. They’d gotten married a few years before, even though Tony had just started his internship, and now they had a toddler who gave proof to the term terrible twos. Fortunately, she still took a nap.

Pop had gone into the bedroom to sleep off the effects of the heavy lunch, and Tony was in the spare room, fiddling with the TV dial.

“Let me help Momma with the dishes first.”

“No, no, Sophia. Angelina can help me. You go with your husband.”

Sophe gave her a puzzled look, but Momma shooed her out of the kitchen and exchanged winks with me.

“Where are we going?”

“Just for a ride.” I eased her coat up over her shoulders, and we went out to the Chevy that used to be Dad’s. He’d given it to me once we’d come home from our honeymoon. It didn’t look like much, but it ran like a dream. “Can’t I take my wife for a ride?”

“Jack, you’re making me nervous. Are you fooling around?”

“Sophe!”

“Just kidding, hon. I know you’d never do that. But what’s going on?”

“I… uh… Actually, I passed this nice-looking house when I was coming home the other night, and I just thought you might be interested in taking a look at it.” I opened the passenger door and waited until Sophe got in, then jogged around to the other side.

“Okay.” She snuggled next to me. I kept one hand on the steering wheel and held her hand with the other.

“I love you so much, Sophe. I’d be lost without you.” I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed the back of it.

“I love you too, Jack. You’re never going to be without me, so just stop that.” 

I pulled up in front of a sprawling, cream-colored Victorian. There was a deep bay window with leaded glass, forest green shutters framing all the windows, and a winding walk of flagstone that led to three shallow steps and the front door.

“Oh, Jack!”

I got out of the car, ran around to her side, and opened the door. She took my hand and stepped out onto the curb.

The front yard was all dirt. It was too cold to put in the landscaping, but I’d thought we’d go with sod rather than grass seed, some shrubs along the walk and at the corners of the house, and a flower bed beneath the bay window. Sophe loved spring flowers. I’d buy bulbs and plants that had already bloomed – hyacinths, tulips, daffodils, azaleas, hydrangeas – and we’d plant them as soon as all danger of frost was gone. By next year, we would have a yard that was a riot of color.

She spotted the chimney rising from the left side of the house and clutched my arm. “A fireplace?”

“Two, actually. There’s one in the master bedroom as well as the living room.”

“Oh, Jack! Whose house is this? I don’t care. I want it!”

“Do you, baby? Do you really?”

“Are you kidding? Who do I have to kill to get it?”

“No one, but you’ll have to sleep with the architect.”

“What… Jack! You built this?”

“For you, Sophia.” I unlocked the door, scooped her up, and carried her over the threshold. “For us. For our family.” And I kissed her.

**

There was much that still had to be done in the house itself, and I’d left that for Sophe –  the wall colors selected, window treatments, furniture, carpets, paintings, accessories – so it wasn’t until August of  ‘75, a year and a half after I carried her into the Victorian for the first time, that William Gregorio Matheson, named for both his grandfathers as was customary in my family, was born. Twenty-one and a half inches long, 8 pounds, three ounces. Mother and son doing well, father a total wreck

**

Our son was the handsomest, most lovable little boy ever born. He had his mother’s sunny personality, and although he had the fair skin tones of the Mathesons, his brown hair and eyes were all Sophia.

As he grew older, I realized that he also had her mouth.

He was going to drive the girls wild.

Sophe went back to teaching preschool for a few afternoons a week, and her momma and my mom took turns watching Will. They loved it, and vied to see who could spoil him the most. He could already speak Italian, courtesy of Grandma Josie, and he could ride a two-wheeler, courtesy of Grandma Elaine.

When our son was about three, we decided it was time to have another baby. “My parents had four, and I want at least that many!” Sophe said.

“I’ll probably give you all boys.” I was willing to go along with whatever she wanted.

“I don’t mind, as long as they’re all healthy!”

I came home from picking up our son one afternoon to find her flushed and excited.

“Jack, I’m pregnant!”

Only she wasn’t. It turned out to be a false alarm.

The next time Sophe told me she was pregnant, she actually was, but we’d no sooner got the good news, than we got the bad. She miscarried.

She miscarried the time after that too. She’d been further along, and I’d rushed her to the emergency room of Mid-Island. They hadn’t even admitted her. It was all over in a couple of hours, and they sent us home. “Make sure you see your obstetrician.”

“What’s wrong, Doctor? Why can’t I carry a baby? I had no problem with Will.”

“I can’t answer that, Mrs. Matheson. Sometimes these things just happen.”

“But there has to be a reason. Did I do the wrong things? Should we not have…” She bit back the rest of her words. Our sex life had always been adventurous. Did she think our lovemaking had caused her to lose the baby? “Maybe if I hadn’t bent over to pick up that child in school...”

The doctor shook his head. “We really can’t tell. I’m sorry.”

“What do we do, Doctor?”

“Give your body some time to rest, then try again. When you get pregnant again…”

The problem had never been her getting pregnant, it had been her staying pregnant. We both stared at him, hands clinging, hope rising.

“… if there should be another miscarriage, I’d suggest considering adoption.”

She cried in my arms that night. “I don’t want another woman’s child, Jack. I want our own child! I know that’s a stupid, selfish attitude to take. All the… all the unwanted children who have no parents or families. I just…”

“It will be all right, Sophe.” I cradled her close and kissed her temple. “We’ll have another baby, and next time it will be fine; we’ll have a little brother for Will.”

We did everything the doctor said and more. In order to make sure her body was recovered from the last miscarriage and that she didn’t get pregnant too soon, I went back to wearing rubbers, something I hadn’t done since a couple of months before we’d started trying for Will.

“Jack, I’m going to quit my job.”

“But you love it, Sophe.”

“I can’t afford to keep it. It cost me the last baby.”

“The doctor wasn’t sure about that.”

“I’m sure about it. Please, Jack…”

“Of course, Sophe. We can… we can sleep in separate beds too, if you think that would help.” I’d never be able to stay in the same bed and not touch her.

“No!” She hugged me fiercely and gave me a little shake. “Do you hear me? I’m willing to do a lot to stay pregnant, but I never want that!”

“Thank you, Sophe.” I would have done it if it had been her choice, but it would have hurt to not be physically close to my wife. “Do you want to get a housekeeper too?”

“Could we? Oh, hon, could we afford it if I’m not working?”

“Carol Brady wasn’t working, and Mike could afford it.” I wrapped her in my arms and kissed that kissable mouth. “So can we.” 

Finally the doctor gave us the go ahead. We couldn’t burn the rubbers; the smell would have been awful, but we did make a ceremony of lighting a fire in the fireplace and burning the box that had held them.

This time Sophe didn’t get pregnant within the first month, and as the weeks went past, going from two months and then to three, each became more frustrating than the last.

And then we found out that Sophe was pregnant again. “I don’t want anyone to know yet, Jack. I couldn’t bear it if…”

“No, baby. It will be just between the two of us.” But now we really needed to find that housekeeper.

I called my mother. “I don’t know what to do, Mom. We don’t like any of the women we interviewed, for one reason or another. Too rigid, too lenient, too nutso. There was one who wanted Will to call her Madame. Another one informed us that she couldn’t permit him to eat red meat. One kept squinting at us and asking us to speak louder and stop mumbling.”

“Oh, my.”

“Yeah. And one was insulted that she’d have to live in the basement…”

The basement had been finished right from the start, but when I’d mentioned to Dad the possibility of having live-in help, he’d brought up the idea of converting a part of it to a housekeeper’s suite, with its own sitting room, bathroom, and small galley kitchen.

“I’ll tell you Sophe,” I’d said to my wife when it was done. ‘”f you ever toss me out of our bedroom, I wouldn’t mind living down here!”

“Don’t get any ideas, hot shot.” She’d kissed me, one of those kisses that curled my toes. “It’s never going to happen!”

Mom tried to be reassuring. “Well, don’t worry about it. I’m sure someone will turn up.”

“I hope. We’re…” I’d almost let it slip that we were getting down to the deadline, but no one knew we were expecting again.

“You have plenty of time, John.”

I cleared my throat. “I’d better get to work before Dad thinks I’m playing hooky. I’ll see you soon, Mom.” We said good-bye and hung up.

When I came home from work I had copies of Newsday and the Island edition of the Daily News, and we spent the evening checking the classifieds, still without much luck.

Sophe didn’t sleep well, and the next morning over breakfast she said, “I think I’m going to spend the day with Momma, hon.”

“That’s a good idea.” Visiting with her mother, watching soaps together and copying recipes that had been in the family since they’d immigrated from the old country, always made her feel better. “Do you want me to drop you off?”

“No.” She kissed the corner of my mouth. “I’ll drive, and Will can spend the day with us.”

“He has the day off? It’s not a holiday.”

“No. Another one of those teacher-things.”

“Okay. Will,” I called.

He came running in. “Yes, Daddy?”

“How would you like to go with Mommy and see Grandma Josie?”

“Yes!” He bounced up and down.

“You’ll be a good boy and not make Mommy run after you?”

“Mommy, you okay?” He went to her and stroked her abdomen.

Sophe and I exchanged startled glances, but then she smiled and shook her head. Our little boy couldn’t know what was going on.

“I’m fine, my little man. Let’s get you dressed, okay?”

“Okay.” He took her hand and led her into his bedroom. He mostly dressed himself, but he still needed some help tying the laces of his sneakers. Sometimes they tangled and knotted.

Once they’d left, I cleaned up the kitchen and went to work.

And then, just like that, everything fell into place. A supplier happened to mention in my hearing that his sister had recently become a widow.

“She and Gus were married almost thirty years, and it’s tough for her. The kids are all grown and married, and she’s rattling around in that big house all by herself. She never worked on the outside, and all she has is Gus’s pension. The kids help as much as they can, but…”

Maybe she’d want a job?

I got her name and phone number and called her from the trailer at the jobsite. “Mrs. Wainwright, my name is Jack Matheson. Your brother sells supplies to my dad’s company, Matheson and Sons.”

“How may I help you, Mr. Matheson?”

“I understand that you were recently widowed. I’m very sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you. Gus was a good man, and I’m not the only one who’ll miss him. But I’m sure you didn’t call to offer me condolences.”

“No, ma’am. Your brother said that you’re pretty much by yourself now, and I was wondering if you’d be interested in working for me and my wife as a housekeeper.”

“I… I must say I never gave that any thought. I married Gus right after I graduated high school, and I’ve always been a housewife. What would it entail?”

 

“Cooking. Some light housekeeping.”

“I’m a good cook, and I was never afraid of housework.”

“I feel I should warn you we have a very active five-year-old.”

“Neither of my sons have any children, and Ginny, my baby, was just married recently. It would be nice to be around little ones again. And you say my brother Ralph knows you?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Would you… would you mind coming to see me, perhaps talking about it more?”

“That would be great.”

“Why don’t you come now? I’ll give you lunch.”

“Thank you. And if you decide this wouldn’t suit you, there would be no hard feelings, I promise.”

“All right, then.” She gave me her address and directions.

“I’m familiar with the area. We built a custom home there a few years back.”

“Well then, you’re practically family.”

“I guess we are. I’ll see you in about half an hour.”

“Goodbye, Jack.”

“Goodbye, Mrs. Wainwright.” I hung up the phone and left the trailer. “Dad, I have to run an errand. Do you mind if I take a few hours off?”

“Is everything all right?”

“Yep.”

“Okay, son. I’ll be docking you.”

“You’re a hard man, Dad.” I laughed and waved and went to my car.

Alice Wainwright lived in a split level ranch on a quiet street. There were flowers on either side of the walk that led to the front steps, and the lawn had been raked free of the last of the late autumn leaves.

I rang the bell. The woman who answered the door wore slacks and a pale yellow blouse with flowers embroidered on the collar, and was younger than I thought she’d be, in her late forties. “Mrs. Wainwright? I’m Jack Matheson.”

“Hello, Jack. Come in. I thought we’d have lunch in the breakfast nook.” She led me past the living room and through the kitchen.

The table in the breakfast nook was set with two plates on cloth placemats. The centerpiece was a vase that held oak and maple leaves, red, orange, and brown. There were pickle spears and potato chips, and bowls with potato salad and cole slaw.

“I thought we’d have roast beef sandwiches.”

“I love roast beef.” The slices of roast beef were paper thin, but the bread was thick and crusty and dotted with caraway seeds. My mouth began to water.

“Take a seat and help yourself, Jack. I made the rye bread myself. And I can offer you coffee, soda, or beer.”

“Soda will be fine. I have to drive back to work, and I never drink and drive if I can help it.”

“Smart man.” She poured a couple of glasses of soda, put one in front of my place, and sat across from me. “Now, what do you say we get to know each other a bit better?”

**

After we finished lunch, I helped her wash the dishes. “We have a dishwasher,” I murmured, thinking a little added enticement might be in order. Alice Wainwright’s eyesight and hearing were fine, she wasn’t looney tunes, and if the lunch she offered me was anything to go by, she was almost as good a cook as Sophe. I was ready to hire her on the spot.

Once the dishes were done, I dried my hands and asked if she’d be interested in working for us.

“I think your wife and I should meet.”

“That’s a good idea. When would you like to do that?”

“Whenever you’d like. I’m always home.” She looked a little sad at that.

“Would later this evening be okay?”

“Yes, that will be fine. I’m looking forward to meeting her.”

“I’ll bring Sophia by.” She was going to love this woman, and so would our son.

“I have no doubt we’ll get along very well.”

“Sophe is a sweetheart. She gets along with everyone.” I checked my watch. “I’d better get back to work. We’ll see you later this afternoon, Mrs. W.” We shook hands, and she smiled for the first time since I’d met her. It made her look much younger.

“Good-bye, Jack.”

I boogied down the steps and practically did the Hustle to the car.

Dancing. Yeah, that was the ticket.

I was going to take my wife to meet our prospective housekeeper, and then we were going dancing.

**

“Sophe?”

“I’m in the kitchen, Jack.”

“Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!” Will came running in and threw himself at me. I caught him and swung him up.

“How’s my little man?”

“Hi, Daddy!” He wrapped his arms around my neck and gave me a smacking kiss on the cheek. “When we getting a dog, Daddy?” His clothes were covered in yellow hairs. He must have been playing with Amerigo Vespucci, the Sabatinis’ Golden Retriever.

“Ask Mom.”

“Okay.” He wriggled to get down, and I set him on his feet. “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy! Daddy says we can get a dog if you say yes!”

“I heard what Daddy said, and it wasn’t that. We’ll see, little man.” Sophe pinched his chin, smiling, and looked up. The smile faded as she saw my face. “You’re home early. Is everything okay, Jack?”

“Yeah. Uh… I want to talk to you.”

She studied my face. “Sure. Will, isn’t it time for Sesame Street?”

“Yes!” He ran into the family room.

Sophe poured a beer for me and a glass of juice for herself. “I’m not taking any chances. Now what’s going on?”

“I… Sophe, I hope you’re not gonna kill me. I’ve hired us a housekeeper. Well, almost hired her. I want you to meet her.” I told her all about Alice Wainwright. “I’m pretty sure she’s interested. She was recently widowed, and she has no one to care for at home any more. She’s perfect. That is, if you like her.”

“Oh, Jack, I’m sure I will!” She hugged me. “This is so… Thank you!”

“For what, baby?”

“For indulging me.”

“It’s what I live for.” I kissed her. “I’ll take you to meet her, and then what do you say to a little dinner and dancing before we settle in for the duration? Are you up for it?”

“You bet I am! It’s going to be a long time between dances. Let me give Jill a call and see if she’s free to sit with Will tonight.”

Jill was the youngest of the McDermott brood, the baby Jenny had told me her mother was expecting just before we broke up, the baby her mother had held at her wedding. Jill was a junior in high school, having skipped a grade, and she’d sat for us from the time Will was two.

~~~~

Both our mothers cornered Sophe at a family gathering. “You should use Jill for a babysitter,” her mother told her. “When Elaine and I aren’t available.”

“She’s trying to save up for college. Goodness knows that good-for-nothing father of hers – if he really is her father…” inserted darkly. “… won’t help out,” my mother told her. “And she’s nothing like that sister of hers.”

Mom had never forgiven Jenny for trying to snare me. She’d overheard our plans on the extension, and rather than flat out forbidding me to see Jen, had hatched the plot with Dad and Jake to keep me busy that Friday night. Considering the way everything worked out, I’d never felt the need to be anything but relieved.

“She’s very responsible, Jack,” Sophe, in turn, had told me.

We interviewed Jill, because after all, this was our son we were entrusting to her. She was studious and sweet-natured. She’d been a Girl Scout and knew CPR. She also came with a sheaf of references. I recognized the names, men and women who’d gone to high school with me. They all praised her highly.

“You can give me a trial run, if you like,” Jill suggested. “Go out for about an hour. We’ll see how you feel and if Will likes me.”

Will loved her. He announced, when we got home, that he was going to marry her as soon as he was ten.

~~~~

Sophe arranged for Jill to have dinner at our house, and while she got something ready for Will and Jill, I called The Summer White House, a restaurant on the North Shore where we celebrated all our special occasions, and made reservations. Not only was their food excellent, but their lounge featured live music, and although the dance floor wasn’t very large, on a Wednesday night, it would be large enough.

I also arranged to have a corsage of red rosebuds and babies’ breath be at the table. Sophe loved red roses.

We dressed up, kissed our son goodnight, and made sure Jill had the phone number of the restaurant. The numbers for my mother, for Sophe’s mother, for my brother Jake, for Sophe’s brother Tony, and for the pediatrician, as well as Poison Control and the local ambulance service were already by the telephone.

It was a cold evening, and I ran the engine to let the inside of the car warm up. It was toasty warm when we got in. Sophe buckled her seat belt and turned on the radio, and we listened to the FM station that played songs we’d grown up with.

The meeting with Alice Wainwright went smoothly. Both women took an immediate liking to each other, and Mrs. Wainwright accepted the job.

“When would you like to start with us?” Sophe asked.

“Probably the beginning of the month, if that would be all right? Daniel, my older boy, mentioned something about wanting to move in here now that Gus is gone, but his wife and I… well, Karen is a nice enough girl, and they’re having a bit of a rough time right now, but I’m sure you know the Chinese ideogram for trouble is two women in one kitchen. However, taking this job will allow me to turn the house over to Daniel. It will probably take a bit of time to get this all sorted out.”

“That would be fine, Mrs. Wainwright. It will give us time as well. We’ll make sure to stock up your fridge. You can eat with us or in your suite, whichever you’d prefer. Is there anything in particular you’d want or need?”

“You don’t have a TV there, do you?”

“Uh… no. But we can…”

“That’s good then. I have one in my bedroom that’s almost brand new. Gus… Gus wanted it.” Sorrow filled her eyes for a moment, and then she shook it off. “I can take that with me.”

“Would you need any help getting moved in?”

“No. My boys and my brothers will be help enough.”

“Okay, but if you need any help, please let us know. We’re a family of many men.” I grinned at her.

“There is just one other thing, Mrs. Wainwright.”

“Please. Call me Alice.”

“Alice. And I’m Sophia. Although no one else is aware at this point – and we’d like to keep it that way for the time being – we’re going to have another baby. Our last two pregnancies ended in miscarriage, and that’s why we don’t want to say anything just yet.”

“Mum’s the word. But… will you still need me once the baby comes?”

“Yes. We’re hoping this baby will be the first of more little brothers for Will.”

“But she might be a little sister.”

“No. My family runs to boys. That’s why my mother insisted on all our pets being females. She didn’t want to be the only girl in the house.” I chuckled to hide my regret that I would never be able to give Sophe a little girl.

Sophe leaned against me and squeezed my arm. “It’s okay, hon,” she whispered.

“Now, would you two care to stay for dinner?”

“Thank you, no. Jack’s made reservations.”

“I’ll see you on the first, then.”

“We’re looking forward to having you as part of our family, Alice. Good-bye for now.” Sophe shook her hand, and we left. “I think she’ll be perfect, Jack.”

I took her hand and brought it to my mouth, brushing my lips over her knuckles. “I’m glad. I want everything to be perfect for you.”

“I know, Jack. You’ve made me very happy. I want you to know that.”

“I’m happy too, Sophe. I have you and Will, and soon this new little boy…” I opened the car door and leaned forward to help her in. She rested her palm against my cheek.

“I don’t care if we only have boys, Jack. As long as they’re healthy and yours, that’s all I care about.”

I turned my face and pressed a kiss into her palm. “I love you, Sophe. I don’t know how I lucked out, but…”

“Shhh. We’re both lucky. Now let’s get going.”

Once at the Summer White House, we checked our coats and were shown to our table. Sophe got teary as I pinned the corsage over her heart.

“The band just better not play ‘You’re Havin’ My Baby’!”

“They won’t, I promise!” I had requested “Me and My Baby,” which was from Chicago. I’d taken Sophe to see the musical in ‘76.

Sophe ordered a Shirley Temple, and I had a Virgin Bloody Mary.

“You don’t need to stop drinking just because I have to, Jack.”

“Nope. We’re in this together. Hey, you’re not supposed to cry!”

She had teared up again. She smiled and carefully blotted her eyes. “You mean so much to me.”

“And you mean the world to me.” I took her hand, turned it over, and kissed her palm.

“Oh, Jack. My mascara is going to run.”

“And we can’t have that.” I squeezed her hand, then opened the menu. “Let’s order.”

“Good idea. I don’t know about you, hon, but I’m starved!”

**

After a dinner of prime rib, we strolled to the lounge. I slipped the leader a twenty. “Play all the slow songs you know.”

As it turned out, they knew a lot of them.

“What a fantastic night, Jack,” Sophe murmured in my ear as we moved languidly across the dance floor. She gave a contented sigh. “What a very fantastic night.”

**

On the drive home, I hit a patch of black ice, invisible in the scant light of the street lights. I wasn’t speeding. Sophe was buckled up. The car spun out of control, and the passenger side slammed into a tree.

Afterwards, they told me it was a freak accident. The force of the whiplash snapped my wife’s neck. She was dead before the tires stopped spinning.

Part 4

The funeral was a nightmare.

Momma fell apart, screaming and tearing her hair, and had to be sedated. Pop stared at nothing, a blank look in his eyes. Tony gave me a venomous look and refused to talk to me. Sister Marie was pale but composed, and she hugged me and then Will.

My son was very quiet. He slipped his hand into mine. “Mommy isn’t coming back anymore, is she?”

“No, my little…” I choked on the phrase. That had been Sophe’s pet name for him from the very beginning. “No, William.” Afterwards, at my parents’ house, I spoke to my father and mother. “Will you let me and William move back here?”

“Of course. Stay as long as you need to.”

“I’m putting the house on the market. I don’t want it anymore.” If I thought I could get away with it, I’d have set fire to the house and burned it to the ground.

“Son, are you sure?”

“Dad, I built that house for Sophia. Without her… Would you sell it for me?”

“What about her things?”

I shook my head.

“At least give yourself some time before you do something so drastic.”

“No. Sell everything, even the furniture.”

My mother sighed. “I’ll go over there and pack your things.”

“Everything, Mom.”

I called Alice Wainwright. “I’m sorry I won’t be able to hire you, Alice.”

“I’m so sorry for both your losses, Jack.”

The pain of that nearly brought me to my knees. I had told no one else about the baby we had lost as well. What was the point?

“I’ll… I’ll send you a month’s pay.”

“That isn’t necessary. My son won’t throw me out of the house now that it’s going to be his, and I’ll get along with Karen just fine. She’s said something about getting a job, so the kitchen will still be mine.”

“Please, Alice. Please take it.”

“All right. I won’t deny it will come in handy. But if you ever need a housekeeper, keep me in mind.”

“Sure.” I said good-bye and hung up.

I moved back into the bedroom that had been mine until I’d gotten married. My son shared it with me. It wasn’t a large room, but two twin beds fit in it fine. I didn’t need a big bed anymore.

I remembered the morning after Dad and Jake had taken me to the Sinn Fein. If I hadn’t gone, if I’d slept over at Jenny’s, she probably would have gotten pregnant and I would have married her instead of Sophia.

I would have been absolutely miserable, but…

Sophia would still be alive, and Jenny… I should have been ashamed to be willing to barter another life for Sophia’s, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. If it would have kept her alive, I would have sold my soul to the devil.

The sun had stopped shining, and maybe I should have wondered why no one complained about the chronic gloom, but I couldn’t bring myself to care about that either.

I went back to work.

I didn’t talk to anyone, not the men I worked with, not my parents, not my son.

I didn’t ask if the house had been sold yet.

I didn’t cry.

**

I was dressing for work while my son dressed for school.

“Dad?”

“Yes, William?”

He tugged on my trousers to get my attention, and I glanced down at him.

“What is it?”

“Do you… do you still love me, Daddy?”

The question knocked me for a loop. How could he even think to ask it? “You’re my son, Will. I’ll always love you, no matter what.”

“I wasn’t sure. Since Mommy’s not here…” His lower lip quivered. His brown eyes, Sophia’s bittersweet chocolate-brown eyes, were filled with tears, but not a single one fell. “Can I… Can I cry now, Daddy? I know big boys aren’t supposed to cry, but… Is it all right?”

“Oh, my little man!” And it was as if the dam burst.

I fell to my knees, folding in on myself and burying my face in my hands, and wept. I didn’t have time to worry that I was frightening my son. Will put his arms around me, and his tears mingled with mine.

We cried for a long time, and when we finally could stop, I took out a handkerchief and dried his cheeks. His eyes were swollen and his skin was blotchy. That was something else he’d gotten from his mother – Sophia couldn’t cry prettily. She hadn’t cried often, but when she had, she’d looked as miserable as she’d felt.

“Blow, sport.” I held the handkerchief to his nose, and obediently, he blew.

“Grandpa calls you ‘sport’.”

“Yes.”

“I like that. I’m too big to be called ‘little man’ anymore anyway.”

I ruffled his hair. “Let’s go in the bathroom, and I’ll wash your face.”

“You better wash your face too, Daddy.”

“Okay, we’ll wash our faces together. How does that sound?”

“Am I gonna be in trouble?”

“Why?”

“I’m late for school.”

“I’ll write your teacher a note. You know what? I think I’ll write Grandpa a note too, for me. What do you say to playing hooky and spending the day at the Bronx Zoo?”

“Can we really go to the zoo?”

“Sure.”

“Yes!”

And for the first time in more than a year, the sun seemed to break from behind the clouds.

**

My son and I moved back into the house that had once held so many hopes and dreams. Dad hadn’t sold it, hadn’t intended to sell it until I had gotten over the worst of my grief and could make a rational decision. I was relieved about that. I wound up giving my wife’s clothes to St. Vincent de Paul, but everything else was saved for Will, even her jewelry, which he could give to his own wife one day.

Alice jumped at the chance to move in. Karen had never gotten that job, and things were tense in the house that had once been hers. She never occupied the housekeeper’s suite, though. Instead she took one of the bedrooms on the second floor.

**

“It’s been two years, Jack.”

“I know how long it’s been, Jake.” I didn’t need a walking calendar. “It’s just… It’s too soon.” It wasn’t that I couldn’t bear the thought of going out on a date; it was just the thought alone left me depressed, the small talk, making an effort to get to know a new woman, the possibility of her wanting to have sex, which still would have felt like I was cheating on my wife. I didn’t want any part of it. “Drop it, please.”

Jake dropped it.

Sophia’s parents decided to move to Florida. “We know it wasn’t your fault, Jack, but we can’t stay here. Will you… will you let William fly down to see us? We’ll pay for his ticket.”

“Of course, but you don’t have to do that. Put the money into an account for him, if you want.”

Tony never stopped blaming me, and I knew things between us would never be the same. I mourned the loss of my boyhood friend and the fact that Will would barely know his Sabatini cousins.

**

“It’s three years, Jack.” Jake and I were on a job site. “Don’t you think it’s time to get back on the horse?”

“It’s too soon, Jake.” I’d wondered when he would say something. So far both our parents and Charlie, his wife, had all brought up the subject at one time or another this year. Simon, flying in from California for our parents to meet his fiancée, the most exquisite Chinese-American young woman I had ever seen, had suggested I start dating again. The only one I hadn’t heard from was Pete, but we could go for long stretches without hearing from him, and I imagined it was simply a matter of time before he put in his two cents as well.

“That’s what you said the last time I mentioned this. Look. At least think about getting your foot in the stirrup, okay?”

“I’m not getting married again, Jake. I loved Sophia too much to want that with anyone else.”

“Who said anything about getting married? Is that what you think we want you to do? Hell, no! Date!” He leaned close and lowered his voice. “Get laid!”

Maybe I did need to get laid – I’d begun waking with a morning erection hard enough to hammer in nails – but I remembered what meaningless sex had been like from my freshman year in college, and I wasn’t going to do that again.

I must have said that aloud.

“You don’t need to go bar-hopping. The church has a mixer every Sunday afternoon… Okay, nix that.” I was shaking my head. I hadn’t been to church since Sophia’s funeral mass. “You won’t go out with any of Charlie’s friends. You won’t go out with any of the daughters of Mom’s friends. I tell you what. Go shopping. At Walbaums or Foodtown or Grand Union. Walk down the aisles looking confused, and you’ll have all the women running each other over with their shopping carts to get to you.”

“But it wouldn’t be fair to them. They’ll be looking for a relationship.”

“Jack, what’s with you? You’re not getting any younger, you know.”

“I don’t need you telling me I’m not getting any younger, Jake. I know exactly how old I am. And how old I am is too old to settle for one night stands or serial monogamy.”

“Sophia spoiled you.”

“She did, and why should I settle for anything less than what we had together?”

“But you’re never going to find it if you don’t go looking for it.”

“When I’m ready, Jake.”

“And when will you be ready?”

I shrugged. “I’ll know.”

“I give up.”

“Is that a promise?” I called after him as he walked off, his hand raised and one finger extended, and I laughed in spite of myself.

**

Will and I brought flowers to plant on Sophia’s grave. She had been gone for more than four years.

“I like coming here in the spring. It’s so pretty.” He looked around at the flowers that were laid on all the nearby graves.

“It was Mommy’s favorite season.” I snapped off the dead branches on the miniature red rosebush that grew beside her headstone.

“It was?”

“Yes.” Along with summer, fall, and winter. Sophia had found something to love in them all.

We knelt on the ground and planted impatiens, which would bloom all season, a blanket of pink, red, coral, and white. I dug the holes for them, and Will took the plants from their little pots and put them in the holes.

“I’m… I’m starting to forget what she looked like.” He sounded panicky.

“It’s okay. Anytime you can’t remember, tell me, and we’ll look through the photo albums, okay, sport?”

“I miss her, Dad.”

“I miss her too, son.”

“Do you think she misses us?”

Oh, my son. “I know she misses us terribly. If she could come back to us, she would.”

“She loved us, huh, Daddy?”

“Yes, she did. More than anything in the world.”

He leaned against me, his arm around me, mine around him, and we stayed like that until the damp soaked through the knees of our jeans.

“Come on, sport. Time to be getting home.”

**

“The housekeeper’s suite is going to waste downstairs,” Alice said one evening at dinner. “Why don’t you rent it out, Jack? It would be ideal for a businessman or a businesswoman, and they wouldn’t be any trouble.”

“That’s a good idea.” Not that we were hurting for money – the business was doing well – but it would be good to have toward Will’s college education. “If I call the Penny Saver tomorrow, the ad should be out next week.”

The Penny Saver, the little weekly newspaper that was filled with ads and tidbits of information, usually appeared on the driveway on Saturday or Sunday morning, depending on who the company got to deliver it.

“Can I help?” Will asked.

“Sure. We can work on it right after dinner.”

We each wrote an ad, passed them around, and combined the best of them.

Cozy apartment for rent, bedrm, sitting rm, galley kitchen, and full bath. Single business person preferred. Call 555-6591 for appt.

“What about pets, Dad?”

“Hmmm. Twoey might not be happy about a dog or a cat in her territory.” Dog Two, the great-grandpup and spitting image of Dog, raised her head when she heard her name. Her jaws parted in a doggy grin, reminiscent of my boyhood pet, and her tail thumped on the floor.

“And I can live without a screeching parrot.” Alice had told us about her youngest son, who had brought one home when he’d been in high school. Its vocabulary hadn’t been particularly blue, but its raucous pleas to “Kiss me, gorgeous!” hadn’t gone over well with either Alice or the neighbors.

Fish allowed.

“How’s that?”

“A nice, quiet pet. That works for me, Jack.”

Before I could call in the ad, the phone rang, and Alice went to pick it up.

“Matheson residence. ... Oh, no! ... Oh, Tom! ... Yes, I’ll be there as soon as I can.” She hung up, white as a sheet and trembling.

“Alice?”

“It’s Ginny.” Her only daughter. “She’s gone into labor. It’s too early. Nothing is ready. I have to go there.”

“Of course. I’ll drive you.” Her daughter and son-in-law lived in Queens, just west of the borderline. “Will, get Alice’s bag, all right, sport?” She had packed so she could leave at a moment’s notice. First babies could be notoriously unpredictable, and this was Ginny and Tom’s first.

“Okay, Dad.”

“I’m so sorry, Jack,” she kept saying as we drove to the Parkway. “I should have had more meals prepared for you.” She wrung her hands. “I didn’t do the week’s shopping...”

“Alice, don’t worry about us. Will and I will do fine.”

“Yes, but your parents are away, Jack.” Dad had decided it was time to take Mom on a long overdue vacation. He’d rented a trailer, and he and Mom had packed up and taken off to see the USA. They were in the Northwest right now and wouldn’t be back until the end of October. “You can’t live on McDonald’s or Kentucky Fried Chicken.”

“We’ll be okay, Alice,” Will assured her. “We’ve got Grandma Josie’s recipes.”

Those recipes had been written out by Sophia, but my heart didn’t clench at the reminder of my deceased wife. All I felt was the warmth of nostalgic memories. The searing pain of that first year was gone.

Tom had given Alice a key. She unlocked the door, and I carried in her suitcase.

“I’ll call the hospital, and then start getting the house in order. Ginny’s a good housewife, but this pregnancy has taken so much out of her.”

The call to the hospital revealed that it had been false labor; Tom and Ginny were on their way home.

“Oh, Jack, I’m so sorry! I made you drive all this way…”

“I don’t mind, Alice.”

“Neither do I,” Will piped up. “I didn’t have to do my homework!”

“You’ll have twice as much to do tomorrow, sport. Alice, do you want to stay?”

She worried her lip. “I really want to, but…”

“No ‘buts’ about it. Ginny will be glad of your support, and so will Tom. Stay for a couple of days and see what happens.”

“Thank you, Jack.” She hugged me.

“Now, I’ll give you a call as soon as we get home, and you can fill us in.”

Will and I got back in the car and drove home. The FM station on the radio was the one I always listened to. I knew Will had his clock radio set to WBAB, a Long Island station that played heavy metal, but he was very familiar with the music I liked, and we harmonized along with the Everly Brothers.

Never knew what I’d missed until I kissed ya…

He had a sweet voice. I wondered what it would be like once he reached puberty and it changed.

Once we got home, I sent him to get ready for bed and called Alice.

“Oh, Jack! We’re on our way back to the hospital! I’ll call you when I can.”

“All right, Alice. Good luck.”

It was late the next afternoon before she finally called. “They’re all fine. Ginny had no sooner taken off her coat and sat down to catch her breath when her water broke, so I went with them back to the hospital.” She yawned. “Sorry. It’s been a long night and day. The babies—”

“Babies?”

She gave a tired chuckle. “—are small but fine. Yes. Twins, a boy and a girl! Ginny surprised everyone, including her obstetrician. When he asked about multiple births, Tom said not in his family. I was going to say not in ours either, and then I remembered my mother talking about her grandmother, who was a twin.”

“Well, congratulations, Grandma!”

“Jack… The doctor had to do a C-section, and Ginny is going to need rest and a lot of help.”

“Stay as long as you need to.”

“I’m afraid it will be for a while, at least a couple of weeks, maybe longer.”

“Don’t worry about it. Charlie had Will over after school until I got home from work. She won’t mind if it’s for a while longer.” She was a good sister-in-law, and we all agreed that it was good for Will to be with his cousins, especially Harry, who was around his age and was the closest to a brother he was likely to get.

“Thank you, Jack. I’m so sorry to leave you in the lurch like this.”

“You’re not leaving me in the lurch; you’re seeing to your family, which is as it should be. Now give Ginny and Tom our best, and keep in touch.” I hung up the phone and turned to my son. “Looks like we’ll be on our own for a while, sport.”

“Neato, Dad!”

It completely slipped my mind that I was supposed to place the ad in the Penny Saver.

We cooked together, although mostly that consisted of sticking TV dinners in the oven, which got old fast. I wasn’t a good enough cook to follow the recipes that had been written out in Sophia’s neat hand, and while Celentano’s made some pretty good pasta stuff, I’d gotten used to the real thing, and Will had never known any other kind.

I picked Will up Friday after school. “We have to get some groceries, sport.” The cupboard was decidedly bare.

“Potato chips? Chips Ahoy? Milky Ways?”

“I was thinking more along the line of broccoli, string beans, and carrots. And some meats too.” I broiled a pretty mean steak, if I said so myself.

“Awww, Dad!”

“Don’t ‘awww, Dad,’ me. You want to grow up healthy, don’t you?”

“Yes, sir.”

We stopped home long enough for him to put his books away and change into jeans and a New York Yankees sweatshirt, and then I drove to Walbaums and found a cart whose wheels all actually turned in the same direction. Will hopped on the front end, and I pushed him in.

The first aisle was soda and snack foods. “Dad?” He was allowed to have soda on the weekend.

“Get a six pack of Coke.” I put a bag of potato chips and a bag of pretzels in the baby seat at the front of the cart so they wouldn’t get crushed, along with a can of French onion dip.

We walked up and down the aisles, skipping the paper products except for a package of Charmin which was stacked at the end of the aisle, and bypassing the canned vegetables in favor of fresh.

“Hearts of celery, sport?”

“Isn’t that kind of wimpy, Dad? Like we can’t take apart our own celery?”

I just grinned at him and put the celery in the cart, then went to look at the string beans. “These look good.”

“Okay.” Will got a plastic bag and held it open while I dropped in handfuls of string beans, then closed it with a twist tie. But he groaned when I reached for the broccoli. “Grandma always boils it till it’s limp.”

A young woman who was looking at the bunches of carrots glanced up and smiled at us. “You might want to try it as a crudité. After washing it well, of course. Dip it raw in your favorite salad dressing.”

“That sounds good, Dad.”

“Thanks,” I said to the young woman. “Do we have any salad dressing, sport?”

“No, Dad.” His eyes went from me to the young woman and back, and I raised an eyebrow. “We’d better get some. Do you know where it is, miss?”

“Oh, it’s down the next aisle.”

“Thanks. I’ll get it.” He took off before I could tell him to wait for me.

“Your wife is a very lucky woman to have a husband who’s willing to shop.”

“Uh…” I looked after him, but Will was disappearing around the corner of the aisle. “I’m a widower.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” But she looked interested. “And raising a little boy on your own. It must be very difficult.”

“We manage all right. My housekeeper usually does the cooking and shopping, but she’s away right now.”

“Well, if there’s anything else I can help you with?”

“No. Thank you.” I tossed the broccoli into the cart and hurried to the end of the aisle. Will had returned from his foray in search of the wily salad dressing and was poking at a bag of potatoes. “What are you doing down here?” I whispered.

“I’m just checking out the potatoes.” He put the bottle of dressing – Ranch – into the cart. “Do these look okay?”

“They look fine. Why did you leave me there with that woman?”

He gave me an innocent look. “I thought you might want to get to know her, Dad. She’s pretty, and she seemed nice. Did she give you her phone number?”

“No, she did not give me her phone number.” I took the potatoes from him. “Why would she? We don’t know each other.”

“That’s the point, Dad. You’d get to know her.”

“Never mind.” I ground my teeth together. Why was everyone so interested in my love life? “We’re running low on dog food.” Twoey got dry food as well as canned. “You get the Mighty Dog, and I’ll get the Dog Chow.” I heaved a twenty pound bag into the cart, then said, “Okay, let’s check out the meats.”

The young woman turned up in the meat aisle. Our hands bumped as I reached for a package of chop meat. “Sorry.”

“No, no. That’s okay. I don’t really need such a large package anyway. It’s just me, you know.” She flashed her very white teeth at me in a blinding smile.

I tried for a noncommittal murmur and an absent-minded smile and moved down to the steaks. I found a couple of nice ones and went on to the poultry section. “Hey, sport, how does…”

Will wasn’t there. I looked around. He was talking to the young woman.

“William.”

He gave her a smile and trotted back to me. “Yes, Dad?”

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing.” He was going for his innocent look.

I humphed. It might have fooled other people, but I was his father.

“What did you want, Dad?”

“Uh… chicken. How does chicken sound?”

“Great. I think Mom had a really easy recipe for it too.”

“Okay. Let’s see what Frank Perdue is offering.”

The young woman seemed to be following us, or was that me being paranoid? Our paths crossed again in the dairy aisle. She stocked up on non-fat yogurt.

“We’re out of OJ, Dad.”

“Okay. And we need eggs and milk too.”

“Biscuits in a can?” He frowned, and I hid my grin. He really had been spoiled first by his mother’s cooking and now Alice’s, and even my mother and Charlie made their own biscuits. “Do people really eat this?”

“They certainly do.” It was the young woman. “I even make a form of shepherd’s pie with them.”

“You don’t make your biscuits from scratch?” I could see her approval rating going down in his eyes.

“It’s… it makes things easier.”

He sighed and looked up at me. “What else, Dad?”

“A loaf of Wonder Bread.”

“It’s down at the end of this aisle.” The young woman pointed helpfully.

“Can we get some ice cream, Dad?”

“Sure, sport.”

“They’re having a sale on Breyer’s.” She came up behind us.

“Oh. Thank you.”

“Vanilla fudge, Dad?”

“Sure.”

“Just make sure the carton isn’t torn or hasn’t thawed enough to leak.” She was starting to overdo the helpful bit.

Will glanced at her, took a carton out of the case without checking for tears and leaks, and put it in the cart. “Is that everything, Dad?”

“Yep.”

“It was nice meeting you,” he said politely to the woman. “We have to go now.”

I gave her a smile and a shrug as if to say, ‘Kids. Go figure.’ “Have a good afternoon.”

We saw her at a checkout lane a few registers down. She finished paying for her groceries and left before we did, giving us a brief nod and a blank smile.

“Oh, well.” Will shrugged and grinned up at me.

I paid for our groceries, helped bag them, then loaded the bags into the cart. It was starting to drizzle, and we hurried across the parking lot to where I’d parked the car, and transferred the bags into the trunk.

I made steak, baked potatoes, and string beans for dinner that night, and neither of us got sick on my cooking.

The rain came down harder, and it continued all day Saturday. Will had been inside playing Atari, but he’d gotten bored with Pac-Man and E.T. and even The Empire Strikes Back.

“There’s nothing to do.” He sighed and watched the raindrops chasing each other down the window pane. Twoey came to him and nudged his hand, wanting her ears scratched.

“All your homework done?”

“Yes.” He sighed again.

“Okay. Clear off the drafting table in the study. I’ll draw up floor plans for a tree house.”

His eyes lit up, and he ran to obey me. I spread out a sheet of paper on the table and began sketching.

A rope ladder led to the large room in the notch of the tree, which would be suitable for the rebel forces making plans to defeat the Empire’s Death Star or for the Legionnaires defending Fort Zinderneuf or Jim Bowie and Davy Crockett and their men to stand fast at the Alamo, making a last stand against Santa Anna’s army. Smaller rooms braced by notches in the upper branches could serve as the bunkhouse and would be reached by a boy-sized winding staircase. Even higher up would be a lookout or a crow’s nest, depending on whether the treehouse was a fort or a pirate ship.

“This is so cool, Dad! When can we build it?”

“When we can find a tree that’s big enough.”

His face fell. None of the trees I’d planted after Sophia and I had moved in were the right size.

I pulled out another sheet of paper. “Let’s see what we can come up with for the attic. We won’t have to wait for that to grow.”

“A fort, Dad?”

“Why not?”

We were still involved with it when the doorbell chimed.

“I’ll get it, Dad.”

“It’s probably the paperboy. The money’s on the table by the door, but check before you open it.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

“Okay.”

Twoey trotted after him, her claws clicking like knitting needles on the wood floor.

I heard Will’s gasp and then the door bouncing against the wall. “DAD!”

I dropped the pencil and raced to the front of the house, in time to see Will hugging a young woman. She looked up and smiled at me.

“Hi, Mr. Matheson.” The voice was warm and throaty, and vaguely familiar. “I understand you have an apartment for rent?”

“Dad! It’s Jill!”

Part 5

I felt as if I couldn’t catch my breath. It was Jill, all grown up and beautiful, with strawberry blonde hair that feathered around her gamin face and eyes an unbelievable aquamarine blue.

“Jill! It’s so good to see you again!” I hugged her, simultaneously realizing how much I liked it, and dropped my arms and stepped back. “How have you been? Where have you been? What have you been doing with yourself?” I was babbling, and I got myself in hand. “Don’t stand out there in the rain! Come on in!”

“Thanks. I am a little damp.” She picked up her umbrella, which had been dropped just outside the door, and folded it and propped it against the wall. She was wearing jeans and a windbreaker the color of her eyes.

“It’s been so long…”

“Yes. I didn’t want to intrude after Mrs. Matheson passed away, and then I went away to school. How have you and Wills been, Mr. Matheson?”

“‘Wills’?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Matheson! I didn’t mean…” She looked flustered. “I liked the little prince’s nickname. If you’d rather I didn’t…” Jill shouldn’t feel she had to apologize for something like that, and I raised my hand to place my fingertips on her lips, intending to stop her words.

Oh, my God, what was I doing? Abruptly I clenched my fingers, dropped my hand, and kept myself from touching her.

“I like it, Dad. It’s better than Billie Boy,” which my mother had a tendency to call him. “And Willie sounds like a…” I cleared my throat, and he flashed me an innocent grin.

Oh, my son. When you get a little older, we’ll have to beat the girls off! “… a Shirley Temple movie.”

I ruffled his hair. “I guess that’s settled then, Jill.” She smiled, and for a second I couldn’t catch my breath. “Um… what were we talking about?”

“About how we’ve been, Dad.”

Yes, right. “Well, it was rough in the beginning, but we’re better.”

“Dad’s just putting a… a brave face on it, Jill. We’re just a couple of guys, you know? Living here alone. All alone.”

What the…? “What about Alice?”

Will … Wills scowled at me. “She’s our housekeeper, Dad.”

Jill’s face fell. “Oh. I didn’t know you had a housekeeper. I thought the housekeeper’s suite downstairs was vacant.”

“It is. Alice – Alice Wainwright – lives with us, but since it’s just me and Wills…” He gave me an approving smile. “… there was plenty of room for her upstairs…” Empty bedrooms for the children I would never have.

“Would you consider renting me the apartment, Mr. Matheson? That is, if you haven’t rented it out already?”

“No, it’s not rented. Alice’s daughter just had twins, and in all the excitement of getting her to Rosedale and then the births, I forgot to put the ad in the Penny Saver. But how did you find out about it?”

“Jenny ran into your sister-in-law at the supermarket, and she mentioned that you were thinking of renting out the housekeeper’s suite.”

“Ah. So that’s how you found out about it.”

“Yes.” She smiled, that pretty smile, filled with mischief.

You don’t want to live with your folks?”

“No.” The smile vanished.

I blinked. “Okay. Let me show you the suite.”

Wills ran down ahead of us, turning on the lights. He threw open the door. “It’s cool, isn’t it?”

“It is, sweetie. It’s just like I remembered it. I used to come down there and pretend it was mine.” She looked away. “It was… difficult… living at home. That’s why I applied to all out-of-state colleges.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Please don’t be. Being on my own was the best experience I could have.”

“I can’t believe how grown-up you are!”

“Well, I’m twenty now. I’ve got my degree – from UC Berkeley.”

“That’s pretty far to go.”

“The University of Hawaii wouldn’t have been far enough.”

“Jill?”

She smiled and shook her head. “Don’t mind me, I’m being silly. Anyway, I guess I’m a New York girl at heart. I came back after graduation and got a job in Manhattan.”

“That’s…” I couldn’t take my eyes off her heart-shaped face. “… that’s wonderful.”

“It is great, and I love it, but it’s too expensive to live in the City. I’m staying with Jenny right now, but her place is so small. It’s not fair to her and Rob and the kids.”

“Well, if you want the apartment, it’s yours.”

“Yes, I… Oh. I should have asked first. How much did you want for the rent?”

“Two hundred dollars a month.” Ruthlessly, I cut a hundred dollars from the amount I’d originally intended to ask.

“Really? That’s a steal! I’ll take it!”

“Jill, Jill, Jill!” Wills was almost jumping up and down with excitement. “You’re going to live with us!” Yes, she was. “Dad, can she stay and have dinner with us?”

“She may have other plans, sport. You don’t pressure a lady.”

“Please! Pressure away! I have no plans. I’d like to…” She actually blushed. “I’d like to stay for dinner. I’d like to help cook it, if you don’t mind, Mr. Matheson. If Mrs. Wainwright doesn’t mind.”

“I don’t mind, Jill, and Alice is in Queens. As I mentioned, her daughter just had twins, so she’s there helping out. Wills and I have been batching it this past week…” I ruffled my son’s hair as he leaned against me, proud as punch to be considered a bachelor. “… and it will be nice to eat something we didn’t take from the freezer or make ourselves. We went grocery shopping yesterday before the rain started; let’s see what we’ve got.”

Jill opened the fridge and peered into it. “How does meatloaf sound? Maybe with pan-roasted potatoes?”

“Delicious!”

“Sweetie, would you get the potatoes, please?”

I flushed and my heart started pounding until, “Yep!” Wills ran to the pantry, and I realized she was talking to my son.

“Thank you, Wills. Now let’s get to work.” She pulled out a package of chop meat, eggs, and an onion. “Hmmm. No peppers, but you’ve got celery!” She was a joy to watch as she danced around the kitchen putting together the ingredients for the meatloaf. “Breadcrumbs?”

I gave her the glass canister Alice stored them in. Our fingers brushed, and I withdrew mine slowly, surprised not to see sparks of electricity. Our eyes seemed to cling, and pink rose in Jill’s cheeks. My own cheeks felt warm. I was the one to look away first.

Wills didn’t appear to notice – he was busy peeling potatoes – and I backed away.

Jill turned to say something to my son, and it was as if that little interlude had never happened.

Stupid old man. You’re seeing things you want to see.

When the meatloaf was formed, I lay strips of bacon over the top of it and around the sides. “To give it that little something extra.” I really didn’t know what the bacon did, but Sophia used to do that.

“Of course.” Jill nodded and put the meatloaf in the oven. “Do you have gravy?”

“There’s a package of McCormick’s in the pantry, I think.” I found it. “I’m not sure how fresh this is.” Or even how it got there. As with everything else, Sophia had always made gravy and sauce from scratch.

“That should be okay. I’ll measure out the water and start it boiling.”

Wills began telling her about the plans we had been drawing up, and we lost track of time. Somehow, the water boiled away and the pan scorched.

“I don’t understand how that happened! I’m so sorry!”

“Don’t be. It wasn’t your fault.” I put the pan in the sink to soak and took out another one. This time preparing the gravy worked out without a problem.

I cut some slices from a loaf of Italian bread while Wills put the butter dish on the table and Jill set out the salad and potatoes and poured milk for my son and wine for us.

“This smells great, Jill!” Wills helped himself to a couple of slices, added a piece of bread and some potatoes, and waited expectantly for us to start eating.

“It looks delicious, too. Let’s dig in!” I took a bite, and struggled to control my expression.

It tasted awful, even the gravy and the potatoes.

I’d eaten worse, I assured myself, although just then I couldn’t think where or when.

Jill chewed thoughtfully. “I think I should have added more salt.” She poured more gravy over it.

Wills struggled to eat it. When Jill’s attention was elsewhere, he slipped a bite to Twoey, but after snatching it up, she spat it out just as quickly and pushed it back toward him with her nose.

Finally, he swallowed and sent me a pleading glance. “May I… may I be excused, please?”

“Sure, son.”

“Didn’t you like it, Wills?”

“Yes, thank you, Jill. I think maybe I just had some snacks too close to dinner, that’s all.” My boy. Gallant wasn’t the word for him.

“I understand.”

He smiled at her and escaped, and I made a mental note to make sure he had something more than bread and butter before bedtime, if only a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I used the excuse of reaching for his plate to carry mine to the disposal too. I scraped the plates into the sink, rinsed them, and put them in the dishwasher.

“Would you like some coffee, Jill?”

“Yes, please. I’m having such a nice time, I don’t want to leave yet. Would you like me to make the coffee, Mr. Matheson?” She pushed her chair back as if to rise.

“You’re my guest, Jill. And besides, you went to all the trouble of making dinner, so it’s only fair I make the coffee.”

“Okay. Where’s the plastic wrap? I’ll store the leftovers for you.” She frowned at them. “My, there are a lot of them, aren’t there?”

“I think you just made more than you realized.”

We had coffee and the last of the pie Alice had baked just before she’d left.

“So tell me about college.”

“It was great! I was rushed by three different sororities.” Her smile dimmed. “I turned them all down.”

“Why?”

“I couldn’t afford the fees.” Her smile returned, jaunty. “And besides, dorm life suited me much better.”

I didn’t ask why she hadn’t been able to afford the fees. If sororities were anything like fraternities, there would be initiation fees, rooming fees, and annual dues. With all her brothers and sisters, her father was strapped to put food on the table. There would have been nothing to spare for a child who was out of state. Although if it were my child, I’d have worked two, three, and four extra jobs if necessary to make sure she had whatever she might need.

However, it was none of my business.

Jill went on to speak of political rallies she had participated in and of her classes, her job in the cafeteria – “I worked the cash register. They didn’t want me to cook though.” She shrugged. “Must have been something to do with their insurance policy.”

She spoke of her various professors, and one in particular.

“Dr. Ingram and her partner raise American Bobtails as a hobby. They’re cats that look like bobcats, but they’re actually a domestic breed. Anyway, Dr. Ingram got me interested in them. If I ever have the money and the spare time, I’d love to get a breeding pair from her and raise them myself. Maybe even sell them, if I can bear to part with them” She took another sip of coffee. “You’ve let me ramble on. What about you, Mr. Matheson? I understand you went to Cornell. I would have loved to go there, but it was too close to home.” Over five hundred miles? “Tell me what it was like.”

And I found myself doing just that.

**

“Oh, wow! Look at the time!” It was almost nine. “I’d better get going!”

“Of course. It’s a Saturday night. You must have plans.”

“I’d get out of them if I could.” She made a moue. “I’d much rather be talking to you. Is it… is it all right if I move my stuff in tomorrow, Mr. Matheson?”

“That’ll be fine, Jill.” I wondered what my name would sound like on her lips, but decided maybe it would be better not to find out. I was twenty years older, after all. “Wills, come say goodnight to Jill.”

He came running in. “You’re leaving?”

“Just for tonight. I’m moving in tomorrow.”

He threw himself at her and hugged her. “I’m so glad!” Then he stepped back, shooting a glance at me that I couldn’t interpret.

“Thanks, sweetie. I’m glad you’re glad.”

“And I’m glad you’re glad I’m glad.”

She burst into laughter and pressed a fingertip against his chin. Wills joined her laughter. That was something I’d seen them do when she’d sat with him, and a sense of nostalgia swept over me.

“Will you need any help moving, Jill?”

“No. I’ve been living pretty much out of my suitcase.” She slid her arms into her windbreaker, and Wills retrieved her umbrella. “Thanks, sweetie.” She kissed his cheek, and he gave hers a quick peck, then ran off in the direction of the kitchen.

“Okay. Oh, what time?”

“Would ten be too early?”

“You’re the one going out on the town tonight. We’re usually up by seven.”

“Even on Sunday?”

“Even on Sunday. Wills’s grandparents come by to take him to Mass.” After Sophia had died, I’d stopped going.

“I won’t turn up that early. Ten, okay?”

“Great. Um… great.” I found myself staring at her lips and wondering what her kisses would taste like. Jack Matheson, you’re a dirty old man!

“I… uh… I’d better go.”

“Well, we’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Good night, Mr. Matheson.” She went out the door and into the night.

“Drive carefully,” I called.

She waved to let me know she’d heard me, then came running back. “Thank you so much.” She kissed my cheek, ran back to the car and got in, and started the engine.

“What a sweetheart of a girl.” I touched my cheek where she’d kissed me.

The engine sounded a little rough. I’d take a look at it tomorrow. She drove away, and I closed the door and adjusted my jeans. It was a good thing she’d never looked down.

“You are such a fool. She’s twenty years younger than you, and she’s probably got guys her own age lining up to go out with her. The last thing she’ll want to do is get involved with a widower who’s old enough to be her father. You’d better get those ideas out of your head.”

“You say something, Dad?”

“No, sport,” I called, then muttered under my breath, “Just trying to talk some sense into myself.” I went into the kitchen. He was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

“I’m sorry about lying to Jill about having a snack before dinner.”

“I understand, son.”

“I like her a lot, Dad.”

“So do I.”

“But she can’t cook meatloaf.”

**

I dreamed of Jill that night, and for the first time since I’d been a teenager, I woke the next morning with semen on my sheets. I gave my cock a stern talking-to, but it didn’t do much good. I awoke the following morning in the same state.

“All right, be that way. “ I glared at my cock while in the shower. “But that’s as close as you’re going to get to that sweet girl – in your dreams! So just you behave, or you’ll scare her, and she’ll move out.”

**

“She’s a nice girl, Jack,” Alice said when she came home a couple of weeks later.

“She is, isn’t she?”

“I won’t have any qualms in asking for some time off here and there then. Ginny’s going to need my help.”

“Well, sure, that won’t be a problem; you know you’re always welcome to take off as much time as you need, but why no qualms?”

Alice smiled. “Jill will be able to cook for you.”

I started to laugh. “I don’t think so, Alice.” I told her about the various adventures in the kitchen. Meatloaf wasn’t the only thing that Jill couldn’t cook.

“Oh. Oh, my. I guess…”

“No, don’t let it stop you. If you need to be with Ginny and the twins, we’ll manage fine.”

“Thank you, Jack.” She hugged me, then drew back to look into my eyes. “And she really burned the spaghetti?”

“Yeah, she really did.”

**

Jill had been with us for a few months. She’d usually get in between six and six thirty in the evening, depending on how the trains ran and how bad the traffic was from the station.

“Are you having dinner with Jill again tonight, Dad?” Wills asked as I put his plate in front of him. The twins were suffering through a bad bout of colic, and Alice was spending this week with Ginny.

“Yes. Do you mind, sport?”

“Nope. I told you, I like her. I think it would be neat for you to marry her.”

“What?”

“Sure. I know you like her. And she likes us. Why not?”

“You don’t think marrying again would be disloyal to your mother?”

“No. We’ll always love her, Dad, but she’d want you to be happy, wouldn’t she?”

“Yes, she would, but…”

“Besides, everyone thinks you should get married again, Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Jake. Even Uncle Pete the last time he came to visit.”

Why was everyone sticking a Matheson nose into this? “That’s beside the point, young man. I won’t marry Jill.”

“Why not?” he pressed.

“Well, for one thing, I’m too old for her.”

“No, you’re not.”

I frowned at him. I didn’t need to hear this from my son. My libido had wrestled with my conscience the first few days Jill had been here, trying to convince it twenty years wasn’t that much of an age gap, but my conscience hadn’t bought it.

“Okay, so what’s the other thing?”

“What other thing?”

“You said, ‘for one thing.’ That makes it sound like there’s something else.”

“You’re giving me a headache.” I groaned. “William, I’m serious. I don’t want you bringing up this subject in front of Jill. It will make her uncomfortable.” Maybe even enough to decide she didn’t want to live here anymore.

“Aw, Dad.”

“This subject is closed.”

“But…”

“Closed, young man.”

He scowled and finished his dinner. “I’ve got homework.”

“All right.”

He disappeared into his room, so he wasn’t there to see how I reacted when I heard Jill’s key in the front door.

By the time she came into the kitchen, I had my erection, my breathing – and hopefully my expression – under control.

“Hi, Jill. How was your day?”

“Busy.” A brilliant smile lit her face. “I’m glad it’s the weekend.”

“I can imagine. Dinner is ready.”

“Gee, you don’t have to do this, Mr. Matheson.”

“Why not? If that’s a kind way of saying you don’t like my cooking…”

“No! No, you cook very well. It’s just that you work hard all day.”

“So do you, but you get home later. Anyway…” I was going to say that Alice usually prepared all the meals, but I saw the look on Jill’s face. “What’s wrong?”

She turned away, but not before I saw the way her eyes shimmered with tears. “Nothing.”

“Jilly?” I turned her face toward mine. A single tear spilled over, and I caught it on my finger.

“I haven’t had a home in so long.” She’d spoken very little about life with her parents and what it had been like, but gossip had a way of making the rounds of the neighborhood. Mom had told me one Sunday when she and Dad had come to pick up Wills. It hadn’t sounded like fun.

“You have one here.”

“Oh, J-Mr. Matheson.” She went into my arms and held onto me.

For one single minute, I would allow myself to enjoy the soft feel of her, the way we fit together so perfectly. I stroked the pliant curve of her back.

Jill raised her head. Her eyes were closed, and her lips were parted. The sweet warmth of her breath bathed my mouth, and I found myself lowering my head to take her lips in a kiss that would have revealed how much I wanted her.

But our lips never met. I forced myself to stop, to take her arms from my neck, and set her away from me.

She flushed and avoided my eyes. “I’m sorry. That was stupid of me. I… I need a tissue.” She hurried down the stairs to her apartment.

“I hope you always think of this house as home,” I said, even though she couldn’t hear me. I licked the finger that had held the tear drop. All that was left was the taste of salt.

It was about fifteen minutes later when she came back up, dressed in sleek black pants and a silk blouse that matched her eyes. A blazer hung over her arm, and a purse dangled from her shoulder.

“Jill? Aren’t you going to have dinner?”

“No. I have a date. I’m sorry, I should have told you…” Those aquamarine eyes never once met mine.

 

“That’s okay.” I was such a liar. It wasn’t okay, but how could I dump that on this vibrant young woman?

A horn sounded outside. “I have to go.” She placed her purse on the hall table, slid her arms into the jacket, and picked up her purse again.

“Have a good time.”

“Thanks.” The door shut behind her.

I sighed, covered both plates with plastic wrap – I’d lost my appetite – and put them in the fridge. I went into the living room and turned on the television.

Three hours later, Wills came downstairs. “I’m going to bed, Dad.” He was dressed in his Star Wars pajamas.

“You still mad at me, son?”

“No. If you don’t love Jill, I guess you don’t love her. I’ll have to marry her.” He nodded decisively. “Just don’t you scare her off until I can, okay?”

“Okay.” I didn’t tell him I was pretty sure I’d already scared her off.

He kissed my cheek. “’Night, Dad.”

“’Night, son. Pleasant dreams.”

An hour passed, and another hour. The television was still on, some HBO Young Comedians special maybe, but I really had no idea. I just sat there telling myself I wasn’t waiting to hear Jill’s key in the door.

It was close to midnight when I heard muffled sounds by the door. Was Jill’s date kissing her goodnight on the front step? Was she going to invite him to come in with her? I was torn between opening the door to find out and letting her open the door herself.

“Let me… I said let me go!”

That solved the problem. I yanked the door open.

Some guy had Jill in a bear hug and was trying to find her mouth while she twisted her head from one side to the other, her hands futilely trying to push him away.

“What’s going on?” I roared, heedless of the time of night and what the neighbors might think.

That startled the guy, and his hold loosened enough so that Jill managed to stomp on his foot and get free. His expression darkened, and he glared at me.

“Go back inside, old man.” Old man? “This has nothing to do with you!”

“Asshole. Are you all right, Jill?” I turned to face her.

“I’m… Luke, no! Jack! Watch out!”

A fist caught me high on my cheekbone, knocking me off my feet.

I sat up and shook my head. Luke stood with his fists clenched. “I warned you. This is between this cocktease and me.”

I rose to my feet. “Jill, go inside and dial 911.”

“Calling the cops for backup, old man?”

“No. Calling for an ambulance for you.” I was an architect, but I did a lot of hands-on construction work and had the muscles to prove it.

That blow to my cheek was the only one he landed on me. In a matter of minutes he was out cold.

“Need any help, Dad?” In the doorway my son was hefting a baseball bat with serious intent. I made sure he didn’t see my grin. “Stay, Twoey!” Standing beside him was Dog Two, her hackles raised and her muzzle wrinkled back, no longer looking like a big, dumb, happy mutt, but a force of nature to be reckoned with.

“Down, girl. Thanks, sport, but I’ve got it under control.” I winced from the pull on the bruise I could feel forming on my cheek. “Why don’t you and Jill go inside?”

“Will you be okay, Jack?”

“I’ll be fine, Jill.” A Pontiac Grand Prix was at the curb, its lights on and the engine still running. “I take it that’s Sleeping Beauty’s car?”

“Yes.”

“Bastard.” I hoisted him up by his collar and the seat of his pants and lugged him to the curb. Jill followed. It was obvious she wasn’t going to retreat to the safety of the house. “I suppose you didn’t call 911 either?”

“Why? You had everything under control.”

I gave a snort of laughter. “Want to get the door for me?”

She opened the passenger door, and I slung him inside and dusted off my hands.

“I suppose we should turn off the engine and the lights,” Jill said, although she seemed dubious.

“Why? To be polite? This isn’t something Miss Manners covers.”

“That’s true, but if he runs out of gas, or if the battery dies, he’ll probably come banging on the door for us to call him a cab.”

“I’ll save him the trouble. Luke?” I shook him, and his eyes blinked opened. I wasn’t too sure if he was actually regaining consciousness. “Luke! You’re a cab!”

“Huh?”

Jill chuckled.

Luke’s eyes rolled back in his head, and he was out again.

She went around the car, opened the driver’s door, and reached in to turn off the lights and switch off the ignition.

We each slammed a door shut and went back up the walk and into the house. Wills was still hovering in the doorway. Twoey watched with that doggy grin on her face. Now that the threat had been neutralized, she no longer felt the need to be at her courageous best.

“Are you okay, Daddy?”

“I’m fine, son.” I dropped to a knee and hugged him. “Excitement’s over. Back to bed now. You too, Twoey.” I ruffled her ears.

“Dad took good care of you, didn’t he, Jill?”

“My hero,” she said softly.

He paused on the bottom stair. “Was that guy your boyfriend, Jill?”

She turned and fussed with the lock. “He used to be, sweetie, but not ever again.”

“I’m glad. G’night.”

“Goodnight, Wills.”

“’Night, sport.”

He went up to his room, dragging the bat behind him.

“I’m sorry, J-Mr. Matheson.”

“Come on in the living room. I’ll build a fire. You’re shivering.”

“I am? Oh, I am. Reaction, I guess.” She toed off her shoes and curled up on the sofa.

“Yes.” I took the throw from the back of the sofa and wrapped it around her, then got the fire going. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

“No.”

“Okay. I’ll… uh…”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Matheson, I didn’t mean it like that. I… I didn’t want you to know that… I’m such a fool.”

“We’re all entitled to be fools at one time or another.”

“Not like this, we’re not. I didn’t have a date tonight. I called Luke after I’d made such an idiot of myself, crying all over you and practically throwing myself at you… I told him to pick me up. We’d stopped seeing each other, but… Oh, damn, you’d think I’d know better.”

“Who’s Luke?”

“We went to the same high school. When I first came home, I ran into him at the diner. He remembered me – can you believe that? He was a senior when I was a sophomore, the big man on campus, captain of the football team, on the fast track to a Yale law degree – but he remembered little Jill McDermott. He came over and started flirting with me. I… I flirted back. He asked if I wanted to go for a drink, talk about old times.”

My gut felt as if it were on fire. It made sense. She’d want to date someone her own age.

“Things were okay at first. We’d go to dinner or a movie, make out a little, and then he’d take me home. He wanted more, but he seemed okay when I told him I didn’t want to rush it. My mother asked what I was waiting for. He was a good catch, and if I had half a brain, I’d do whatever it took to get him to marry me.” She looked away, into the fire. “I always swore I would never be like my mother. Like my sister.”

“Oh, Jilly.”

“I’m not a child; I’ve had… I know the facts of life, and I know we can’t always get what we want. If Luke was willing to wait… But then one day I saw you in Sears. You were with your brother in the hardware department...”

“Why didn’t you come over and say hello?”

She gave me a look. “… and I knew I couldn’t keep seeing Luke. And then I heard about the apartment. That Saturday when I told you I had something I couldn’t get out of? I broke it off with Luke that night.”

A strange sensation was curling in my chest. Hope. “Jill, why haven’t you called me ‘Jack’?”

“If I ever did, you’d realize how much I… that I’ve been in love with you since I was fifteen.”

“Oh, Jill.”

“Everyone used to know I wouldn’t take a babysitting job until I’d checked to make sure you wouldn’t need me first.”

“Jill. I had no idea.”

“I know. That was the way I wanted it. You looked at Mrs. Matheson with so much love. There was no reason for you to even look at me. And then after she… after the accident, I saw how unhappy you were. The last thing you needed was a lovesick teenager hanging around. So I stayed away from you. And now I’ve messed things up, and…”

“Where are you going?”

“The kitchen. You need some ice for your hand and your cheek. And then I’m going downstairs. I’d better start packing.”

“Why?” I followed her into the kitchen.

“After the mess I’ve made of this…” She took ice cubes from the freezer and put them in a dishtowel. “Hold this to your cheek.”

“I don’t see how you made a mess.”

“Don’t you?” She put more cubes in another dishtowel and wrapped it around my right hand. “I was going to be so cool about it, cook for you, always be around, and you’d… Oh, maybe you wouldn’t fall in love with me, but you’d get used to me being here, you’d see how good I was for you. For Wills. Only no matter what time I got home, it was always too late to start dinner, and then I moved too fast tonight, and I could see you didn’t want anything to do with me. And now this thing with Luke…”

“Whoa, whoa! You didn’t… What gave you the idea that you’d moved too fast?”

“Well, you wouldn’t kiss me, and you couldn’t wait to get me out of your arms.”

“That was just because I didn’t want you to think I was a dirty old man, lusting after a pretty young woman.”

“You’re one of the cleanest men I know, Jack.”

“I’m twenty years older than you, Jill.”

“So?”

“People are going to think I’m our children’s grandfather.”

“Screw what people think!”

“Jill! My ears!” I laughed, tossed aside the dishtowels, and pulled her into my arms.

She nestled against me. “If it comes to that, considering my family, people are going to think you had to marry me.”

“Not if we don’t get pregnant for a couple of years, Jilly.”

“I love when you call me that… Jack.”

She was right. I could hear how much she loved me in that one word. I tightened my grip on her, and sighed happily. “Would you mind waiting to have a baby, Jill? Aside from what the busybodies would think, I’d like to have you to myself for a while.”

“That’s fine with me, darling Jack.” She stood up on tiptoe and kissed me. “Jack? Is something wrong?”

“No, Jilly. I was just thinking. If this turns out to be a dream, I’m going to be so pissed.”

“If it is a dream, then I’m having the same one.” She kissed the side of my neck.

“Jill, it isn’t too soon, is it? I mean it’s only been a few months.”

“Not too soon. When you stop to consider it, we’ve actually known each other since I started sitting Wills. That’s eight years.”

“That’s true.” I tipped her chin up and studied her lips. Her mouth was nothing like Sophe’s, but the way she kissed… “You’re shivering,” I whispered against them.

“Reaction, Jack.”

“Damn. I was going to make coffee.”

“I don’t need coffee. Just kiss me again.”

**

The next morning Jill was making breakfast when Wills came down.

“Creepo’s gone,” he said as he went to the back door and let Twoey out.

“Who?”

“The guy from last night.”

“Ah. Yes.” I’d noticed his car wasn’t there when I’d gone to retrieve the newspaper from the front walk. “Wills, I’ve got some bad news for you, son.”

“Dad?” He looked scared. “Jill’s not leaving, is she?”

“No! No, she’s staying. It’s just, you won’t be able to marry her.”

He held himself very still. “Why not, Dad?”

Jill put the plate of waffles in front of him and came around to do the same for me. I pulled her onto my lap. “Because I’m marrying her.”

He let out a whoop and threw himself at us, nearly tumbling us all to the floor.

“Easy, sport. Easy!”

“When are you getting married? Are you going away for a honeymoon?” His eyes suddenly widened. “I’ll have brothers!” The one thing he’d envied his cousins were the brothers they had.

“Soon, wherever Jill wants, and I wouldn’t be surprised, but not right away.”

For a second he looked confused, but then he laughed. He went back to his place, poured syrup on the waffles, and took a bite. He chewed for a moment or so, and then stopped. “Uh, Dad?”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, sport.” I got a good look at his expression. “Wills, what’s wrong?”

He clapped a hand over his mouth. “’Scuse me,” he mumbled and bolted out of the room.

It turned out that Jill couldn’t cook much of anything, but that was okay, because there was something else she did very well, and that was love my son. And me.

Part 6

“Jill, would you like a house of your own?” We’d been married a year and a half.

“Unless it’s escaped your notice, darling Jack, I have a house of my own.”

No, what she had was the house I’d built for Sophe. I’d overheard some of the busybodies commenting snidely, ‘Poor thing. Another woman’s husband, another woman’s son, another woman’s house.’

Soon Jill would have a son of her own. She was about three months pregnant, and those same busybodies had had plenty of time to get over the disappointment of learning ours hadn’t been a shotgun wedding.

“Y’know that house I have up in Cambridge? Jake and I have finished renovating it, and I’m thinking of putting it on the market. Whatever I get for it will be gravy, and I’ll use that money to build you your house.”

“If that’s what you want to do, Jack, but it really isn’t necessary. I like this house very much.”

I thought it was necessary. I didn’t want Jill to ever think she was second best.

“Do you want to drive up with me? Wills has school, but Alice will be here to keep an eye on him. It can be like a mini honeymoon.”

Her eyes lit up. “I’d love to! When?”

“How does in a couple of days sound?” That would give me time to get things squared away at work.

“Wonderful, darling Jack!”

It was a long drive, mostly because I had to keep pulling off the Turnpike for Jill to use the facilities at various rest stops.

“Did Sophia have this problem with Wills?” she asked, disgruntled, as we finally reached our exit.

“Truthfully, Jilly, I don’t remember, but you know your obstetrician said each pregnancy is different.”

I’d worried there might be a problem with her carrying the baby to term, but the doctor had reassured me, and Jill had never had any doubt.

“Okay, now this is one of the older parts of Cambridge, so the houses here are bigger, and they’re on larger lots.”

“What a beautiful area! These trees must be a hundred years old.”

“Some are at least two hundred, and some are even older.” I pulled up across the street.  “This is it.”

Jill got her first view of the house and the wraparound porch and sucked in her breath. “Oh, Jack!”

I studied it critically. The clapboard siding was authentic, as were the shutters. I was proud of the job Jake and I had done on it, even though we’d only been able to work on it sporadically. At first we would take busmen’s holidays a couple of times a year, but since I’d married Jill, we’d cut that back – I hadn’t felt much like being away from home.

“I can’t wait to see the inside!”

I turned the car into the long driveway. At the end of it was a former carriage house. It had been converted into a garage years before and hadn’t taken much in the way of renovating. It was my idea to make the space above the car bays into a living area. “It’ll be perfect as a pool house, and who knows, Jake. Whoever buys this might want the added income and rent it out.” 

The backyard was immense. There was enough room and to spare for the in-ground swimming pool and tennis court.

“Oh, Jack! You know, Twoey would love this!”

“Yeah. All that space to run.” I brushed a kiss over her lips. “Come inside and take a look at it.”

She linked her arm with mine, but glanced back at the yard as I led her into the house.

I’d not only renovated the house, but I’d restored portions of it as well. Crown molding, chair rails, wainscoting. All the fireplaces worked – a double one in the kitchen that also opened in the formal dining room, one in the living room, and in each of the four bedrooms on the second floor. The first floor also held a den, a spare room that could be a study or sewing room, and to the rear, a comfortable suite of rooms.

The attic was huge and had window seats in front of each of the gabled windows as well as plenty of storage. The basement wasn’t finished. In the far corner was a laundry room large enough for a washer and dryer and with hookups for a slop sink. There were windows in the foundation that let in light during the day, and recessed lighting that would provide light in the evening, and with carpeting covering the concrete floor and a bar added, it would be a perfect game room. I could picture a pool table at one end, a game table that would be suitable for chess or monopoly or other board games, and a card table for poker.

I shook my head. That would be for whoever bought this house to decide.

“Do you… Do you have to sell it?”

“Jill?”

“You said you’d give me a house. This one, darling Jack?” She was so excited she was almost quivering with it, but then her excitement left her, and she sighed. “We’d have to move. You’d have to leave your family. Wills would have to go to a new school. He’d hate leaving his friends.” She sighed again. “Never mind.”

“No, my own sweet girl. If this is the house you want, then this is the house you’ll have.” I knew it wouldn’t matter that she had to leave her family. In the eighteen months we’d been married, we’d only seen her family once, and that was at our wedding. Her father had stayed sober, and her brothers had been better-behaved than at Jenny’s wedding, but I wasn’t sure whether that was because they’d matured or if they were simply intimidated by all the males in my family, including Pete in his dress blues and the big, quiet Marine who was at his side.

“Oh, Jack! Thank you! And that suite of rooms on the first floor would be perfect for Alice! Do you think she’ll come with us?”

“If we can talk her into leaving her grandkids.” Otherwise, I’d have to see about hiring another housekeeper.

She hugged me and cried all over me. “I love this house, Jack. I love it! And I love you!”

We put a house on the market. It just wasn’t the one I’d originally thought it would be. I sold the house I’d built for my first wife and put the money in CDs, for our child’s college education.

Jake bought out my share of the family business, but it was still Matheson & Sons, since Ben and Stevie had gone into the business as well. With that money, I was able to start my own small company in Cambridge.

I looked over at Wills. Maybe it would turn out to be another Matheson & Sons.

Wills was disappointed about leaving his friends and his school, although he tried to hide it. That was, until he saw the house and the old tree in the backyard.

“Dad! Do you think we could…”

“Yes.” I grinned at him and ruffled his hair. That tree would be large enough to build the tree house from the plans we’d drawn up one rainy Saturday two years earlier.

Alice agreed to come with us. “I think you need me more than my children. Ginny and the twins are doing fine, Daniel and Karen are taking their own sweet time about having children, and Lew – well, his mother-in-law is living with them.” And Alice didn’t want to cause more friction than was already there. “Besides, if something happened that I had to be back in New York and I couldn’t catch a plane, the drive isn’t so bad.”

“If you’re sure, Alice?”

“I’m sure.”

And so we settled in and waited for the new baby to arrive.

**

Jill gave birth to our first child, a boy, which didn’t surprise me. Her selection of names did, though.

I stretched out beside her on the bed in her hospital room, gazing at our little son, with his cap of strawberry blond fuzz.

“I think it would be an excellent name for this baby, Jack.”

“We name the firstborn sons after their grandfathers.”

“But you already have a firstborn son.”

“Yes, but this child is our firstborn.”

“Oh, darling Jack!” Her aquamarine eyes filled with pleased tears and she kissed me. “Well, Wills has already been named for his grandfather. We can’t have two Williams running around, Jack. It will be confusing, to say the least.”

“We could name him Sean William, after your father and mine.”

“No.” She had never talked much about her relationship with her father, beyond assuring me that he had never physically abused her. “I want our son to be named after his own father. Besides, he looks like a John Robert.”

“Jilly. My sweet girl.”

“And we can call him JR.”

“He’s going to get teased about it.” She gave me a blank look. “Dallas? The TV show?”

“Oh.” She smiled and patted my cheek. “Will it be any worse than being teased because his parents are Jack and Jill?”

“I guess not.” I leaned down and kissed her. “John Robert it is.”

**

Wills started sixth grade that fall. He became friends with another boy whose family had moved to Cambridge around the same time we had, and who was in the same class. Michael Shaw would bike to our house almost every day, often wheedling an invitation to stay for dinner.

“Doesn’t his mother cook?” I grumbled one evening after he had left. I didn’t mind the extra mouth to feed, but reciprocity would have been nice.

“Yes,” Wills assured me with a grin, “but Alice cooks better.”

“Thank you, Wills.” She gave a pleased smile. “And at least he helps clean up afterwards.”

“Since you made a point of it, Alice.”

Michael had light brown hair and brown eyes, and would have been a good looking boy except for the discontented twist to his mouth, and the attitude that seemed to smirk, “here’s my face and my ass is coming.” Try as I would to like him, it often felt as if he was taking advantage of Wills’ good nature, and that set my teeth on edge. Jill didn’t care much for him either, but for Wills’s sake, we made him welcome in our home, although for a time I was afraid his temperament might rub off on my son; I didn’t give Wills enough credit.

The most easy-going of boys, Wills had a surprising streak of implacability when it came to what was important to him.

He came home one afternoon, slamming the back door.

“What’s up, sport?”

“Michael can be such an…” His lips folded in an irritated line. “… such a jerk.”

“Oh?” He’d obviously changed his words, but I had a feeling he was going to call Michael an asshole. What had happened?

“He wanted to…” Wills blew out a breath. He got that impatient action from me, and I was tempted to smile, but I didn’t. “He wanted to do something really stupid—” powerful words from him “—and when I said I wasn’t going to, he made fun of me.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yeah. But I don’t think I can. It’s between the two of us, you know, Dad?”

“Okay, son. But if you decide you need an ear, I’m here.”

“I know.” He hugged me. He’d never been shy showing his affection, not even now when he was in his teens, a time when dads were no longer cool.

Margaret Shaw called the next afternoon. “Michael is at Newbury Comics. He’s been caught shoplifting!” Tears were in her voice, as well as bitter disappointment. “A seventy-five cent comic book! Edward… I don’t want him to know. These times are so difficult for him.” Her husband worked for a Manhattan brokerage firm during the week, coming home on the weekend. He wasn’t due home for a few more days. “John, I hate to put you in this position… I don’t know who else to call… Would you mind coming with me?”

“Of course not, Margaret. I’ll pick you up in ten minutes.”

“What’s going on, Jack? Oh, no, you don’t, you little exhibitionist!” Jill reached out to snag a squirming, giggling, naked JR. He had recently learned how to get out of his clothes, and usually picked the most inopportune times to do it.

Wills walked in with a disposable diaper. “Here you go, Jill. Come on, little man.” He crouched down to hold his brother still while Jill fastened the diaper. “You don’t want to give the world a free show, do you, Jar?”

I’d come upon Wills hanging over JR’s crib one night. “This is the best family, Jar.” He’d slurred together the consonants of his brother’s nickname. “You’re gonna love it here.” And he’d leaned down and run a gentle fingertip over the baby’s cheek. Now John Robert was called Jar as often as JR.

“No!” Jar flung himself at his brother, and Wills pretended he’d been toppled over, sending the toddler into gales of laughter.

“Michael seems to have gotten himself into trouble at Newbury Comics. I’m going to pick up Margaret and…”

“I’m going with you, Dad.” All trace of amusement was wiped from Wills’s face.

“Wills…”

“Michael is my friend.”

“All right.” I ran a hand through my hair. “Get your jacket. We’ll be back as soon as we can, Jilly.” I kissed her and kissed our son. He stared at me with his mother’s aquamarine eyes.

“Drive carefully. Wills…”

“It will be okay, Jill.” He kissed her and his brother too. “Behave, you!” He pretended to steal Jar’s nose, resulting in more giggles, but he was somber when he got in the car. “I told him not to do that, Dad. I mean, duh! It was stupid!” Wills was a smart, sensible boy, and I trusted him to do the right thing. He’d never disappointed me. “I could kick his a- his butt!”

It might be a good idea for my son not to be friends with Michael any longer, but I didn’t think it was a good idea to suggest it just then. I’d keep an eye on things and see how they sorted themselves out.

Meanwhile, there wouldn’t be any harm in having my brothers invite him to visit for the Christmas and Easter vacations, and come this summer I’d ask Wills if he wanted to spend a few days a week with me on various job sites. He’d shown a talent for construction when we’d built that tree house.

We drove to where the Shaws lived in a small, second floor apartment on George Street, and I pulled up to the curb. Margaret Shaw was waiting for us.

“Hi, Mrs. Shaw.” Wills got out and held the door for her, then closed it and climbed in the backseat.

“Hello, William. John. Thank you for…” She placed her purse on the seat beside her and buckled her seatbelt. “Can we go, please?”

“Of course.” As I drove, I could see from the corner of my eye how she twisted a handkerchief through her fingers in a constant, nervous movement, and I gave silent thanks that my boy had never caused me that kind of distress.

Because of Michael’s age and because it was the first time he’d done something like that, the manager agreed not to press charges, although Michael was banned from entering the store again.

He shrugged as he got in the backseat of the car beside Wills, unrepentant as far as I could see. “I never liked that store anyway.”

“Thank you, John.” Margaret was back to twisting her handkerchief in her hands.

“You’re welcome.” I put the car in gear and started the drive back to George Street.

“I don’t know what the big deal is. It was just a stupid comic book.” Michael had a way of irritating me. If he had been my son, I would have whaled the tar out of him long before this. However, it wasn’t for me to question how Margaret and Edward Shaw chose to raise their son.

“I suppose… I suppose you won’t allow William to be friends with Michael anymore?” Margaret’s voice trembled.

“Wait a second!” There was a touch of panic in Michael’s voice. Apparently that hadn’t occurred to him.

Wills answered before I could. “Mrs. Shaw, Michael is my friend.” I could see the boys through the rearview mirror. Wills gave Michael’s shoulder a sharp poke. “Doesn’t matter if he’s been a jerk.”

“So you’ll be my friend in spite of everything, Willie Boy?”

Wills leaned toward him and whispered something in his ear. Michael seemed to flush in the dimming light of the afternoon, and he bit his lip and looked away.

“All right, Wills,” he said gruffly. “Thanks.”

**

For the first twelve years of his life, Wills had no siblings. However, he had often been with my brother Jake’s boys, and he had seen how brothers interacted with each other.

With the age difference between him and Jar, I wasn’t sure how Wills would treat him, whether as an interloper or a pest or someone to be ignored completely.

I should have known better. Of course there were times when he was at school, when he had to do homework or simply had big boy things to do, but there were also times when he played with Jar, took him riding on his bike, sledding in the winter, or helped Jill out at bath time. I’d hear the two brothers singing, “Rubber ducky, you’re the one… “

“Wills is going to make a wonderful father one day,” I said to Jill when we were in bed one night.

“Yes, he is. And he’s going to have the most beautiful children!”

And I knew they would look just like his mother.

**

Five years after John Robert was born, we were in the delivery room once again.

“All right, Mrs. Matheson. One more nice, big push.”

“That’s what you said eight pushes ago!” Jill snarled. She took another deep breath, and I flinched as her nails dug into my hand.

“That’s right, your baby is coming along nicely. And… Here we are!” The obstetrician’s eyes smiled at me over her face mask. “Would you like to cut the umbilical cord, Mr. Matheson?”

“Sure, Doc.” I’d done it for my first two sons, and I was getting to be pretty good at it. I took the scissors she handed me and looked down, getting my first good look at my newest child. The scissors dropped from suddenly nerveless fingers. “What… what…”

“Mr. Matheson, you’re not going to faint, are you?”

“What’s wrong with our baby?”

“Jack?” There was panic in Jill’s voice, but I didn’t have time to regret scaring her.

“There’s nothing…” the doctor began.

“Don’t tell me there’s nothing wrong! He doesn’t have a penis!”

There was muffled laughter. “Girls don’t, Mr. Matheson.”

I tore my eyes from the baby. “I… I don’t have… There hasn’t been a girl in my family for a hundred and seventy-five years!”

“Well, congratulations. There is one now!”

“We have a little girl? Oh, Jack!”

My hands were shaking too much, so the doctor had to cut the cord. A nurse put our… our daughter in Jill’s arms, and she cuddled her.

“She’s beautiful!” She was so tiny, so delicate, I was afraid to touch her.

“Darling Jack, yes she is!”

“Mr. Matheson, why don’t you let your sons know they have a little sister? She’ll be in the nursery as soon as the pediatrician has checked her out, and you can bring them to see her. Meanwhile, we’ll take care of your wife.”

“Yes, go tell the boys and Alice. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I won’t be long.” I kissed her palm and hurried to the waiting room where my sons and Alice waited. I’d call my parents and my brothers later, and Mom would see about notifying the rest of the family.

I lingered in the doorway for a second, observing the tableau. Jar and Wills had their heads together, Wills talking to him in a quiet voice, his arm around his younger brother’s shoulders.

Alice sat across from them, knitting a little blue sweater. I smiled to myself. She’d have to get some pink yarn.

I was startled to see Michael Shaw sitting in a corner, reading a dog-eared magazine that looked about ten years old. He and Wills had intended to go to the mall to see if they could pick up girls, but then Jill had gone into labor and Wills had called him to cancel their plans. When had he arrived at the hospital?

I cleared my throat and entered into the room.

“Daddy!” Jar ran to me and threw himself into my arms. “Is Mommy okay?”

“She and the baby are fine, little man.” And then I collapsed into a chair and buried my face in my hands.

“Are you okay, Dad?” Wills knelt beside me and put his arms around both of us.

“I’m fine. I’m fine.” I dried my eyes on the sleeve of the scrubs I’d been given and tried to smile at my boys. “I’m sorry. It’s just… You have a little sister!”

“But… but you told me I was gonna have a baby brother!” Jar objected.

“Next time, okay, little man?”

“Well, I guess. But I wanted to be the big brother.”

“You can still be the big brother, Jar.”

“I can?”

“Yes, you can.” I ruffled his hair, then hugged both him and Wills.

“What about Wills?” Michael gazed across at me, something in his eyes, but it was so quickly replaced by indifference that I wasn’t sure what I’d seen.

“I’m the biggest brother, Michael.”

“Right.” Michael resumed thumbing through the magazine, and Wills frowned at him.

Alice patted my shoulder, drawing my attention away. “A little girl? How wonderful!” She glanced ruefully at the blue yarn trailing from her needles. “It looks like I should have chosen pink.”

I couldn’t help laughing. “My very thought.”

“When can we go see her, Dad?”

“Let’s take a walk to the nursery. She should be there any time now.”

“I’m a big brother! C’mon, Alice!” Jar dragged her out of the room.

“Michael, would you like to come?” I asked, simply to be polite. After all, he was my son’s friend, and he’d been kind enough to wait here with him.

“No, thanks. You’ve seen one rug rat, you’ve seen ’em all. I’m gonna head out. I’ve got things to do.” He dropped the magazine, picked up his jacket, and slung it over his shoulder. “Congratulations, Mr. Matheson. So long, Willie Boy.”

“Thanks for coming, Michael.”

“No sweat.”

“I’ll see you. Let’s go, Dad.”

Michael went toward the elevators, while I led my little troop down the corridor toward the nursery. I tapped on the door, and a nurse came out, smiling.

“Which baby are you looking for?”

“I’m Jack Matheson. My wife Jill just delivered a little girl.” We hadn’t thought to choose a girl’s name. What were we going to name this unexpected blessing?

“Ah. Baby Girl Matheson. We’re just getting her diapered. If you’ll stand by that window and wait a moment?”

“We’ve really got a sister, Wills!”

“Yeah, we do, Jar. Isn’t that the best? They’re wheeling her in. Here, let me give you a boost so you can see.” He picked his brother up and pointed to the little bundle wrapped in a receiving blanket covered with animal babies wearing diapers.

“She is beautiful, Jack. You and Jill should be very proud,” Alice said.

“We’ve got three of the best looking kids in the world!” I gazed at my children, then grinned at Alice. “You bet we’re proud!”

**

Jar’s eyelids were drooping, and Alice smothered a yawn behind her hand.

“It’s been a long day for all of us. Why don’t you take the car and drive home, Wills? Alice being with you will make you driving at night all right.”

“What about you, Dad?”

“I’ll spend the night here.”

“Okay. ’Night, Jill.” He leaned forward to kiss her.

She rested her palm against his cheek. “’Night, sweetie. Drive carefully.”

“G’night, Mommy. ’Night, Daddy.”

“Goodnight, little man. Make sure you listen to Alice and your brother.”

“I will.” He took Wills’s hand.

“We’ll hold down the fort, Dad.”

“Do you want me to bring you a change of clothes tomorrow, Jack?”

“Thanks, Alice, that would be good. Since there were no complications, they’re only keeping Jill and the baby here a couple of days, and I’d like to stay with them.”

“Do you need anything, Jill?”

“No, Alice. Thank you.” Jill looked up at me. “I have everything I need.”

“We’ll see you as soon as they let us up tomorrow,” Wills said. It was a Saturday, so neither of them would have school.

They left, and shortly after a nurse wheeled in the bassinet bearing our daughter. Jill made herself comfortable and prepared to breastfeed the baby.

“Have you picked out a name yet?” the nurse asked.

“We’ve never given any thoughts to a girl’s name.” Early on we’d settled on Matthew John for our baby, but it looked like that name definitely wouldn’t be appropriate for this baby.

“Martinique, darling Jack?”

“Martinique.” I smiled into her eyes, ran a gentle finger over our daughter’s soft cheek, then took Jill’s hand and raised it to my lips.

“That’s an unusual name. Are you French?”

“No.” I laughed. We’d vacationed in the Caribbean nine months earlier and had spent a week on the island. When Jill discovered she was pregnant, we realized she must have conceived during that time.

“Well, it’s a very pretty name. Now, I’ll just leave you to get comfortable with Martinique. If you need anything, use the buzzer. Otherwise, I’ll be back later.” She bustled out of the room.

“We’ll call her Marti for short, Jill?”

“Yes.” She nuzzled Marti’s soft cheek.

“Thank you, my sweet girl.”

“For what, darling Jack?”

“For giving me the most wonderful gift.” Just then Marti opened her eyes and stared up at me solemnly. “She has your coloring, Jilly, red hair and blue eyes.”

“All babies have blue eyes, Jack.”

I brushed that aside. “She’s going to be a heart stealer.”  It was hard to believe this dainty little lady was ours. “When she gets older, we’ll have the boys swarming around her like bees to honey.”

Jill eased Marti onto her shoulder and began rubbing her back, and the dainty little lady let out a hearty burp.

“Oh, yes.” Jill’s eyes were dancing. “She’s going to be a handful!”

**

Our joy was dimmed with sadness. Later that spring Dog Two died in her sleep. She was almost twelve, which was a pretty good age for a Lab. Her muzzle had gone white, and arthritis had settled into her hips, making it difficult for her to climb up and down the stairs. I’d been dreading the thought of having her put to sleep and was grateful to be spared that decision.

It hit Wills the hardest. He had grown up with Twoey, and she’d always slept in his room. “I know you’ll want to get another dog, but please wait until I leave for college in the fall, Dad?”

“Sure, son.” It would give the whole family the opportunity to mourn our beloved pet, and it would also help distract Jar when his brother was no longer just down the hall from him.

Wills loved his siblings. Just as I’d found him leaning over his brother’s crib, I found him one afternoon giving Jill a break, walking the floor with a fussing Marti and crooning, “I’ve got a crush on you, sweetie pie…”

Again I thought what a great dad he was going to be one day.

And then he graduated from high school and it was time for him to go away to college, and there was an empty, Wills-sized space in the house. Even Marti, as young as she was, seemed to realize someone was missing.

“I miss Wills so much.” Jar said one sunny Saturday.

I exchanged glances with Jill, and she gave a slight nod. We’d talked it over and decided that this would be a good time to get that puppy. “Would you like to come for a ride with me, Jar?”

“I guess.” He didn’t even ask where we would be going.

“Let me get myself together, and we can leave.” I used the extension in the spare room that had become a combination study/sewing/crafts room and dialed the number of a breeder I’d been in contact with since midsummer. The Daniels had been breeding Labs for the past twenty-five years and were caring, reputable breeders whose puppies were guaranteed to be healthy, with easy temperaments and free of genetic defects.

“Mrs. Daniels, this is Jack Matheson. Would it be all right if I brought my son to pick out a puppy today?”

“Oh, yes, please do. They’ve all been wormed and had their shots and are just waiting for their humans to show up and take them home.”

“Great. We should get to Woburn in about half an hour.”

“I’ll look for you then.”

We hung up, and I strolled into the kitchen, where Jar was waiting. “All set, Jar?”

“Is Mommy coming?”

 

“No, this is a daddy-son thing.” Jill ruffled his hair. “You two men go out and have fun.”

Jar’s face lit up, and he caught my hand and gave a skip. “We’re men, Daddy?”

I remembered Wills’s excitement to be considered a bachelor, and smiled to myself. “Yes, son. We’re men. Let’s go.” We went out to the car, and I made sure he was buckled safely before I backed out into the street.

The traffic wasn’t bad, and in a little less than twenty-five minutes I was turning into the Daniels’ drive.

“Why are we stopping here, Daddy?”

“Well, I understand they have some puppies that are looking for a good home.”

“We’re getting a puppy?” He tore out of the car and raced into the yard. Mrs. Daniels, a youngish woman wearing jeans and a checked shirt, was sitting on her porch swing. She rose and smiled at my son.

“You must be John Robert. I understand you’ll be picking out a new puppy.”

“Yes, please!”

“It was such a beautiful day today, I thought the puppies could use some fresh air. They’re around back. Come this way. Your daddy said you wanted to see the yellow Labs.”

“Oh, but…” He turned to me. “If we get another dog like Twoey, won’t Wills be sad?”

“Each pup has its own personality, Jar, and while they might look similar, after a while you realize they’re nothing alike.” I was touched at my little boy’s thoughtfulness. “Let’s take a look at them, okay?”

The puppies gamboled in a fenced-in area, so busy with each other that they paid no attention to Jar. Suddenly a small streak of black tore across the yard.

“Sorry, Ma. Blackie got out before I could stop her.” A young man came down from the back porch and tried to catch the puppy, who was hiding behind Jar’s legs.

“It’s all right, Eddie.”

The puppy nipped at Jar’s sock, and he squatted down to play with her. The yellow puppies gathered around the fence, drawn by the black puppy’s yips and Jar’s laughter.

“Daddy, can we get this puppy?”

“JR.”

“May we get this puppy?”

“Is she for sale, Mrs. Daniels?”

“I think your son would be heartbroken if I said she wasn’t.”

“Please, Daddy?” He gently removed his shoelace from the puppy’s mouth.

“Don’t you at least want to look at the other ones?”

He shook his head.

“Would you like to hold her?” Mrs. Daniels asked.

“Yes, please!”

She handed Jar the puppy, satisfying herself that he could support her hind legs and chest. “Very well done.”

He grinned up at her, happier than I’d seen him since his brother had left for college.

“What are you going to call her, son?”

“I get to name her?”

“She’s your dog.”

He grinned up at me through the shock of red hair that spilled into his eyes. “Dog Three, Daddy!”

And so Dog Three – Deety – became part of the family.

A few weeks later I noticed that Jar was unusually silent. “What is it, son?”

“Is Wills ever coming home, Daddy?” he asked.

“Of course he is, Jar. He’ll be back for Thanksgiving.”

“But that’s a hundred years away!”

“Not quite, little man, but I tell you what. Suppose we take a drive down to see him this weekend?”

“Can we, Daddy?”

“Yes, can we, Daddy?” Jill smiled at me.

“Sure.” I slid an arm around her waist, pulled her close, and kissed her. “We’ll all go!”

Alice volunteered to stay home with Deety and the cats—I’d given Jill her pair of American Bobtails for our anniversary a number of years ago.

I called Wills to let him know we were coming, booked a room in Providence for the weekend, and left midmorning on Friday to avoid the rush hour traffic.

Michael Shaw had applied to the same college and shared a dorm room with Wills. He gave a languid wave as we walked in. “Willie Boy is in the john. Unless he’s fallen in, he’ll be right back.” His mouth twisted in a smirk, and he sauntered out.

I knew my expression had to be mirrored by Jill’s. Deliberately, she turned and glanced around the room.

It was small, with barely enough room for two twin beds, matching desks, and a couple of chairs. Wills’s side of the room was tidy, in marked contrast to Michael’s side, which had a pile of laundry on the floor - clean or dirty, it was hard to tell without actually picking up an article of clothing and sniffing it - and shirts and a pair of jeans with a designer label on the back pocket dangled from his chair.

Michael had left the door open, and Wills hurried in. “Dad, Jill!” He hugged us both. “I’m so glad to see you!”

“And me too, Wills?”

“Of course, you too!” He knelt to hug Jar. “Aren’t you my favorite brother? I’ve missed you so much!”

“I missed you too! When are you coming home?”

“I’ll be back for Thanksgiving, little man.” Marti was reaching for him, her tiny fists opening and closing, and he laughed and got to his feet. “Yes, I missed you too, munchkin.” He took her from Jill and kissed her cheek. “Well, you’ve seen my room.” He glanced around ruefully. “Come on. I’ll give you a tour of the campus.”

We walked the shaded paths, and Wills, with Marti in his arms, drew the interested gazes of quite a few girls. A couple of his professors stopped to chat briefly, and it was obvious that they thought well of him.

I was so proud of my boy, I thought my buttons would burst.

**

That spring Wills was rushed by a number of fraternities, including a chapter of Alpha Omega Chi, my fraternity. He accepted their bid.

So, I regretted to learn, did Michael.

**

Those years were busy ones. While Jill and I didn’t practice birth control, being willing to have another baby if we were so blessed, it seemed as if our family was complete, and we were both happy that our children – all our children – were happy and healthy.

Jar had known how to read from an early age, but now he was learning to write and multiply, and he became a cub scout.

Marti learned to walk. A few months later, she started talking, and every sentence seemed to be an exclamation. She was a very active little girl and wanted to do everything her big brother did. “Why can’t I be a cub scout?” she demanded when she was three.

“Because you’re a girl, munchkin.”

“Then I don’t wanna be a girl! Make me a boy, Mommy!”

“I’m afraid that’s beyond my powers, Marti. However… little girls get to help their Mommies with the kitties!”

“Okay, Mommy!”

“You realize it won’t always be this easy to distract her, don’t you?” I asked, circling Jill’s waist and drawing her close to me.

“Ah, but then I’ll send her to Daddy!”

“You’re a devious woman, Jill Matheson! And I love you just the same!”

“Good thing, because I love you too.” She kissed my nose and patted my butt, an action that fortunately went unseen by our very curious daughter, who would have had no problem asking why Mommy was spanking Daddy. “Now, come along, Marti. Mary Poppins and  Willie Wonka want dinner.”

I’d been able to fulfill Jill’s desire to raise American Bobtails, and we had a pair, Mary Poppins, an orange tabby, and a gray with splashes of black over his face and four black paws. Bert Chimneysweep would have been a more suitable name, but somehow he’d wound up with the name Willie Wonka.

As for Wills, when he came home, he would tell us about the girls he was dating. He’d dated throughout high school, pretty girls who were cheerleaders, pretty girls who were in the honors program, pretty girls who all seemed to be redheads.

Even now, each and everyone was a redhead, but he never seemed to show an interest in bringing any of them home with him.

During his junior year he dated one girl, Rissa O’Hara, exclusively, and I began to wonder if she were the one, but they broke up that spring, and she was another one we never did get to meet.

**

That summer, Wills and I drove down to Long Island to work with Jake on a project in Port Jefferson, and while Wills stayed there most of the summer, I returned home for four day weekends, one of the perks of being the boss’s brother.

By the fourth Friday in August, the job was finished. In the morning, Wills and I would be driving home for good, but that evening, Jake and I were going out to celebrate with our sons and some of the crew. It reminded me of the night all those years ago when Dad and Jake had taken me to the Sinn Fein.

We waited at the bar while the bartender filled a couple of pitchers and loaded a tray with mugs, then carried them to the tables our sons had staked out.

“Congratulations on a job well done, Jake,” I toasted him. “Dad would be proud.”

“Thanks, Jack. And I want to thank you and Wills for coming down and helping out. And Jill too for letting you come down.”

“Not a problem. It was like the old days. Y’know, I was just thinking how this was like the night you and Dad took me drinking at the Sinn Fein.”

“A lot has happened since, hasn’t it?”

“That is has.” Births. Deaths. Weddings.

“And now Harry and Brynn are getting married.” He’d told me on the ride over.

“Your last child. You’re gonna be over the hill before you know it, Jake.”

“Them’s fightin’ words!” He laughed and cuffed my shoulder. We gazed across at the small space in front of the jukebox where his son and the tall blonde were dancing. “I like Brynn. She’s a good electrician. I just hope Harry’s not jumping the gun.”

“He’s as level-headed as any of your boys, Jake. His older brothers all waited until their late twenties, but maybe the fact of the matter is he’s seen how it is for them, and he wants that too.”

“I guess.” He took a handful of beer nuts from the bowl on the table and licked the salt off one of them. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am about Harry shooting Wills with the nail gun that time, Jack.”

“I know, Jake. Talk about a freak accident.”

“Much as I love my son, he never was a very good shot. For which I’ll give eternal thanks.” 

“Me too.”

Jake put his arm around my shoulder and hugged me.

As the evening wore on, I watched my son unobtrusively. Every once in a while an expression would cross his face, and I wondered if something had happened at college.

Then I noticed the bartender. A very buxom green-eyed blonde, she flirted with him, more than once bringing him a Coors without taking any money for it. During her break, she put some money in the jukebox, and when Meatloaf’s “I Would Do Anything For Love” came on, she caught Wills’ hand and pulled him up to dance with her.

I smiled and relaxed, thinking he might go home with her. I assumed my son was sexually active – he was a healthy male – and I’d bought him his first condoms and had a talk with him about using them, not only for birth control but for avoiding STDs as well.

However, when Jake and I decided to call it a night, Wills said, “Hold on, Dad. I want to catch a ride with you.”

Jake grinned at my expression. “What did you expect, Jack? She isn’t a redhead.”

Wills gulped down the rest of his beer, licked off the foam moustache, and smiled at the bartender, who looked wistful. He whispered something and raised her hand to his lips, and she blushed and smiled, and kissed his cheek.

The next morning, on the drive home, I took the opportunity to talk to him. “You seemed to be having a good time.”

“Yeah. It’s always fun with the cousins.”

“I thought you might have gone home with the bartender. She seemed taken with you.”

“She really wasn’t my type.”

“A green-eyed blonde with tits out to there?”

“Geez, Dad!” He blushed to his hairline.

“So… uh…” I guessed I shouldn’t tease him. “What is your type, son?”

“Redheads, Dad,” he said easily, and I risked taking my eyes off the road for a quick glance at him. The corner of his mouth was curled in a grin. “I have a weakness for auburn hair. Just like my old man.”

I reached across and patted his knee. “Remember when you decided to marry Jill?”

“Yeah. I loved her a lot; I still do, but I think it worked out better this way.”

“Definitely. You’d have been the only boy in fifth grade with a wife.”

He gave a snort of laughter.

I caught a glimpse of the road sign listing the eating places coming up at the next exit. “Breakfast?”

“Good idea.”

I flipped up the blinker and steered into the deceleration lane. The diner was in the rest stop that was also a weigh station. Fortunately, since it was a Saturday morning, there weren’t too many trucks in the parking lot. We got out of the car and walked into the diner. “Counter or booth, son?”

“A booth sounds good, Dad. Hey, they have jukeboxes at each one!”

“See anything you want to hear?”

He turned the selections. “These are mostly old time music.”

“Oh?” I didn’t realize he was biting back a grin until after I started to examine the songs, expecting to see something from the Big Band era. “Scamp!” I gently wacked him with the menu. They were all from the ’60s and ’70s.

“Sorry, Dad. I couldn’t resist.”

I returned his grin, then sobered. “What do you think of your cousin getting married, Wills?”

“I wasn’t expecting Harry to get married so soon. He’s only a few months older than I am.”

“This is true.”

Our waitress arrived, and we gave her our order: orange juice, eggs over easy, bacon, hash browns, and whole wheat toast. After she left us set up with the juice and coffee, I continued.

“No, I meant what do you think of him marrying Brynn?”

“Why would I think about it one way or the other, Dad?”

“Harry did shoot you in the ass because of her.”

“I’m never gonna live that down, am I? I like Brynn. She’s a nice girl. Woman. She’s a little older than Harry, but if it doesn’t matter to him, then it certainly doesn’t matter to me.”

“So you’re okay with the marriage?”

“Didn’t I just say that?”

“Yes. It was just… something last night. A time or two I thought you looked… I don’t know… sad?”

He was silent for a moment, then sighed. “Nothing gets by you, does it, Dad? I’ll admit I’m a little envious. I don’t want to settle down now. I mean, I’ll be twenty-one next week. But one day… I hope I can find what you and Jill have. What it looks like Harry and Brynn have. I really want that.”

“I was lucky, Wills. I found that twice in my life.”

He smiled ruefully. “I’ll be happy if I can find it once.”

I reached across the table and gripped his forearm. “I know you will, son. I know you will.”

Part 7

Wills dated sporadically his senior year, explaining he was too busy with his studies to concentrate on one girl in particular.

“He’ll find someone eventually, darling Jack,” Jill said when I brought up the subject after Harry’s wedding, where Wills, looking very handsome in his tux, if his old man could say so, had danced with every woman there, including a ladies’ choice with Marti, when she’d wormed her way through the crowd of women clamoring to have him for their partner and loudly declared, ‘My dance!’

“Yes, but…”

“You found me, didn’t you?”

“Yes, and I thank my lucky stars. I just want him to be happy.”

“He will be. Just let him go at his own pace.”

“You’re right, Jilly.”

She cuddled up against me and succeeded in replacing my thoughts of Wills with something else.

That spring, for the first time since his freshman year, Wills came home instead of going to Panama City Beach with his fraternity brothers for spring break.

“Didn’t you want to go, son?”

He shrugged. “The only reason they’re going is to get blitzed and laid.” He glanced quickly around, but neither Jar nor Marti were in the vicinity. “Sorry, Dad.”

I patted his shoulder. “And you don’t want to do that?” He flushed and looked away, and I remembered how unsatisfying sex with someone I hadn’t loved had been and decided to drop the subject. “Your old treehouse needs some repairs. Want to give JR and me a hand?”

“Sure thing, Dad. I’ll change and get my tool belt and meet you in the backyard.”

“Come on, Jar.” We walked through the kitchen and out onto the porch.

“I’m glad Wills is home. I miss him when he’s away.”

“I do too, son.”

“How come Michael doesn’t come to visit any more, Dad?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes friends just drift apart.”

“Huh?”

“They stop being friends.”

“But Michael was Wills’s best friend!”

“It happens, sport.”

“That’s sad. But it won’t happen with me and Pat.”

I wished. Kevin Patrick Mulcahy was a kid who, if there was trouble, he was almost certainly guaranteed to be involved. He’d been given the nickname “Damien” early on, after the kid who was the Antichrist in the movie, The Omen. He constantly gave his parents grief, although he behaved himself whenever he was staying over with us, tended to drive his teachers to distraction, and was in the principal’s office more often than not. I hoped he wasn’t a pint-sized version of Michael Shaw.

What was it about my sons that attracted this kind of friend?

“Here comes Wills!” Jar started climbing the ladder up to the treehouse.

I watched my older son as he crossed the lawn, wearing a pair of jeans that were starting to show their age and the tool belt I’d given him when he first started working the job sites. “How has college been going?”

“It’s been fine, Dad.” He’d been on the dean’s list every semester, something my brother Simon told me his students were getting tired of hearing about.

“Have you given any more thought to what you’ll do after you graduate?”

“Yeah. I’m thinking of accepting the offer from Huntingdon. The salary is good, there’s a decent benefit package, and the prospect of advancement is promising. Plus I’d be working out of their Boston office. I could come see everyone a few times a month.”

“I’m sure Jill will try to persuade you to commute from here.”

“Uh, Dad, that’s a sweet offer, but will you be hurt if I turn it down? I’ve got my eye on an apartment in Medford that will be available right after graduation.”

“Not at all, son. As a matter of fact, I’ve been planning on turning your room into an exercise room. You know, weights, treadmill, stationary bicycle.”

“So when I come for a visit, I get to sleep on the weight bench?”

“Actually, no. You get to camp out in this treehouse.”

“You’re going to banish your firstborn to the wilds of nature?”

“Yes.”

Feigning shock, he opened his eyes wide and pressed his hand to his chest, and then we both burst into laughter.

“After you, Dad.” But he wasn’t behind me as I climbed up to the main room of the treehouse. He lingered behind to talk to the girl whose family had moved in next door.

Patricia Herendon was in her mid teens, pretty and petite, and she was a redhead. I watched as she looked at my son, her eyes huge and filled with adoration. He was a college man, after all, and not at all hard on the eyes.

I was glad he would be leaving at the end of the week, though. Patricia was a nice girl, but she was much too young for him. And quite frankly, I didn’t care at all for her parents. Her father, a retired Army colonel, seemed fonder of his pit bull, General Custer, than of his daughter, and her mother obviously worried that she would be contaminated by talking to any of the neighbors.

“Patricia! Don’t hang over the fence like a common washerwoman. Come in the house at once. At once!”

Wills came up, shaking his head. “Glad I wore my sweatshirt.”

“It did get abruptly chilly, didn’t it? Well, you know what they say about good fences making good neighbors.”

“Yeah, but Dad, a stockade?”

A simple white picket fence had separated the properties when Joe and Sylvie O’Brien, a friendly older couple, had lived there. Wills would often hop over it and help Mrs. Obie, as he called her, in her garden. After she was felled by a mild stroke, both Joe and Sylvie had decided it was time to see the USA while they could still enjoy it, and had put their house on the market. 

“Well, as long as it keeps General Custer out.” Herendon’s pit bull was a nasty-tempered brute. The cats didn’t like him, and tended to stroll along the top of the fence, deliberately taunting him. As for Dog Three, her hackles went up every time General Custer came near.

“I miss Mrs. Obie,” Jar said.

Wills ruffled his brother’s hair. “She baked the best cookies. Did she ever make you Boom Booms?”

“Brownies like the ones from Rosie’s Bakery? With the cream cheese in them?”

“The very same!”

And while they were busy reminiscing about Mrs. O’Brien’s fine hand in the kitchen – she and Alice had become good friends and would swap recipes, and she joined in the gentle conspiracy to keep from Jill the fact that cooking was not her forte – I mulled over the fact that as Jar had reminded me, we hadn’t seen Wills’s best friend in a long time. When there was a break in their conversation, I asked about him.

“What will Michael be doing, Wills?”

“He’s said something about joining Huntingdon too.”

“Will he be sharing that apartment with you?” Please God, no. And then I was ashamed for thinking that.

“No. He’s… No, Dad.” There was regret in those simple words.

“You were friends for a long time.” Had Michael finally done something that had pushed my easy-going son to the limit?

“Nothing lasts forever.” Wills shrugged, concentrating on yanking out a rusted nail and replacing it. “He’s found new friends.”

Had Michael shut his best friend out, left him behind? After the way Wills had stuck up for him all these years? “Wills?”

“It’s not a big deal. Please, Dad?”

“It is a big deal, but all right, son.” I handed him the battery-powered drill. “Those screws need tightening.”

“Got it.”

“Are you still seeing… What was her name? The redhead?”

“Which redhead?” The corner of his mouth tipped up in a grin. “There’ve been six of ‘em since the New Year.”

“That’s my boy!” It might be chauvinistic and macho, and I’d never say a word about this to Jill, but I liked the notion of my son cutting a swath through the female population of his college. It was too bad that he didn’t see any of them in the light of a potential mate, but there was plenty of time for him to settle down in the future, and this way he’d know the real thing when it came along.

“Am I your boy too, Dad?” Jar had been listening even as he’d worked to caulk the boards in a corner of the treehouse room.

“Of course you are, Jar.” At nine, I didn’t need to worry about him dating just yet. “And if you’re done, let’s go in and get washed up. I hear Alice calling us for dinner.”

**

Both Wills and Michael accepted the job offers from Huntingdon, and after graduation, Wills began working in the IT department. Michael, from what I gathered, worked in Public Relations.

Wills moved into the apartment in Medford he’d told me about, a dingy little efficiency, and once he was settled, he invited us over to demonstrate his capability of dealing with being on his own and to have dinner with him.

Alice had a tendency to shoo the men of the family out of her kitchen, so Wills wasn’t much better at cooking than I had been at his age, or was even now. However, most supermarkets had a prepared food department, and as he told me, “I wield a pretty mean phone when it comes to ordering takeout, Dad.”

Dinner was good, and my wife was impressed. She wasn’t impressed by his apartment, though.

She kept her feelings bottled on the drive home, while Jar and Marti squabbled good-naturedly in the back seat over who would get to sleep over first – the apartment wasn’t large enough for both of them, even if Marti was willing to take her Barbie sleeping bag.

Once we were home and JR and Marti sent off to bed, she let it all pour out.

“Jack! It’s awful!” She stood fussing before the mirror. “It’s small and dark, the furniture is shabby, there are silverfish in the bathtub, and the mousetrap in the kitchen had a mouse in it!”

“That’s what it was there for, Jilly.” I went to stand behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and drawing her back against me.

“I wish he’d let you give him the money for someplace better! Whatever rent he’s paying, it’s too much!”

“It’s the first place he’s had all on his own, and from what he’s said, Huntingdon intends to send him around the country troubleshooting their computer system, so he’ll rarely even be there.” I wondered if she was as grateful as I that at least Wills wasn’t sharing that apartment with Michael. Apparently things had been cool between them for longer than I’d realized. Wills didn’t offer any explanations, and I was reluctant to ask for any.

“Then why couldn’t he stay here at home?”

“He’s a man now, Jill. We have to let him go.”

She sighed. “You’re right, Jack.” She was quiet for a bit, and then murmured, “Maybe I could give him one of Mary Poppins’s kittens, the little golden male? At least that would take care of the mouse problem!”

“I think JR has his heart set on him. Besides, if Wills isn’t home all that much, it wouldn’t be fair to any pet. It’ll be all right, Jill; he’ll be all right. I promise you.”

**

Wills called early on a Sunday afternoon in February. “Is it okay if I come over, Dad?”

“You never have to ask, son. Come now if you’d like. We’ll catch the end of the Patriots game and you can stay for dinner.”

“Cool. I… I have some news.”

“Good, I hope?”

“Yeah, it is. I’ll see you in a little while. Bye, Dad.”

“Bye, son.” I hung up, wondering if maybe he was going to announce he’d become serious about some young woman, and went into the kitchen. “Wills will be joining us for dinner, Alice.”

“Wills is coming! Wills is coming!” Marti danced around the room.

“All right, young lady.” Alice smiled at her. “Would you like to help me get the table set?”

“What’s all the excitement?” Jill came in, a large, black trash bag in her arms. I stepped forward to take it from her. “Thanks, darling Jack.”

“Wills is coming, Mommy! And Alice is going to let me set the table!”

“That’s wonderful! I know you’ll make it look very pretty, Marti. Carefully, now.”

“Okay!” Marti took the dishes Alice handed her and walked decorously to the dining room.

“What’s in the bag, Jilly?”

“All the clothes Marti and JR have outgrown. It’s a good thing they got so many new ones for Christmas.”

“Even though they grumbled that they hadn’t asked Santa for clothes?” We exchanged grins. “Where do you want this, sweet girl?”

“In the trunk of my car. I’ll drop it off in the St. Vincent de Paul box at the church one day this week when I drive Marti and JR to school. I’m so glad Wills is coming for dinner. We don’t get to see him often enough.”

“Yeah.” I took the key to her car from the key rack by the back door. “Huntingdon has really kept him busy.”

**

“So what’s the good news?” I asked my older son as I passed him the platter holding the pork chops.

“I’ve been given a promotion.” He placed a couple of chops onto his plate, not the amount he would normally take.

“In only eight months? Way to go, son!” Not quite the announcement I was expecting, but then, I told myself, he was young yet.

Jill paused in carefully slicing the meat from a chop for Marti, and glanced up. “Oh, sweetie, that’s fantastic!”

Apparently disinterested, Jar concentrated on his pork chops, while Marti attempted to get a small piece of the white meat onto her fork.

“Well done, Wills!” Alice passed him the squash.

“Thanks.” He gave her a weak smile. As much as he didn’t like it, he would eat it to please her. “The thing is,” he turned his attention back to me, “it involves a transfer. I’ll be moving to Washington, DC.”

Even Jar and Marti looked up at that.

My grip tightened on my napkin, crumpling it. “When…” How foolish to grieve his moving away. He was a man now, as I’d often told Jill. But he was also my first born, my only link to my first love since Tony had cut us out of his life. I cleared my throat. “When do you leave?”

“I have the week to tie up loose ends in the Boston office, clear things off my desk, and get packed.”

“Wills is moving?” Marti’s lower lip quivered. “Far away?”

“Not that far away, munchkin. It’s only four hundred or so miles.”

Since when had Wills looked on four hundred miles as not being far?

“But… but that’s as far as California!”

“Not quite.” He smiled and reached over to tug her ponytail. “I promise you, munchkin. Not quite.”

“Do you want us to help you pack?” Jill asked.

“I’ll only be taking what I’ve got in the apartment.”

“Oh. So you won’t need any help.” Jill was more upset than those words would seem to indicate. I’d constantly said my boy was a man, but this brought it home as nothing else might have done.

“No. But once I’m all moved in, you’ll come down and visit me, won’t you? Maybe make a long weekend of it?”

“Oh, sweetie! We all will!”

“Cool. You too, Alice, please?”

“Why, yes. Thank you for including me… “

“Of course I’d include you. You’re family.”

She teared up, reached for his hand, and squeezed it. “Thank you.”

Wills smiled at her, looking so like Sophia that for a second I couldn’t catch my breath. Why had no young woman snapped him up yet?

Well, time for that once he was settled in his career.

“Pass the biscuits, please, Wills?” I smoothed out my napkin. “Now, what will this promotion entail?”

**

A few weeks later Wills called to let us know he was settled in. “And Dad, give some thought to letting Jar and Marti each spend a night at my place? It’s not big enough for them both to stay, but… “

“That will pretty much blow your weekend, son.”

“I haven’t started dating yet, and truthfully I’d rather spend the time with my brother and sister.”

“I’ll talk to Jill about it, but if you’re sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“All right then. I’ll call the airline now and let you know our flight number and when we’ll be arriving.”

“Cool, Dad. I love you.”

“I love you too, son. Take care of yourself.”

“Always do.” There was a smile in his voice. “See you soon, Dad. Bye.”

“Bye, Wills.”

I made arrangements for us to fly down on a Friday afternoon, then had to cancel Alice’s ticket. There was a crisis at her daughter’s home, and Alice was unable to join us.

“I can’t understand it. I was only there a short time ago, and everything seemed fine.”

“Next time, Alice,” I assured her and patted her shoulder. I didn’t say anything, but it seemed to me that Alice was often called away to help her daughter with one crisis or another.

“Yes.” She sighed, then gave herself a brisk shake. “Well, that’s what grandmas are for. You take plenty of pictures, Jack. I’ll want to see where our boy is living.”

“I will.” I called Wills to let him know that it would just be the four of us flying down.

He picked us up at Reagan National. Because we were only staying for the weekend, we were able to make do with carry-ons and didn’t have to wait around at the baggage carousel.

“Can you handle your carry-on, Jar?” I had Jill’s and mine, while Wills took Marti’s.

“Yes, Dad. I can do it.”

“Okay, everyone. Right this way.” Wills led us directly to where his car, a nondescript Dodge, was parked in the short term lot. “I made reservations for you at the Harrison Hotel. I’ve heard it’s a nice place.” He opened the roomy trunk and placed the bags in it, then grinned at Jar and Marti. “It’s got an indoor pool and an arcade.”

“We won’t be staying with you?” Marti’s lower lip began to quiver. She was exceptionally close to him, and she’d missed him a great deal.

“There isn’t much room, munchkin. I just have one bedroom and a sofa in the living room, but... Dad?”

“When Wills called earlier, he told me he’d be taking the weekend off, and that if it was all right with me and Mom, you could each spend a night with him.”

“Can we, Daddy? Please?” From the very first day, when she’d been placed in my arms and had opened her blue eyes to peer up at me, my daughter had had me wrapped around her little finger. “Please, Mommy?”

“As long as you promise to behave.” Jill could be surprisingly strict at times. “If we hear you’ve given your brother the least little bit of trouble…”

“We’ll be good, Mom,” Jar assured her.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Marti bounced up and down.

I grinned at her enthusiasm. “How do you two want to decide who goes first?”

Jar stood up straight. “Ladies first, Dad. Marti, you can sleep over tonight, all right?”

“You’re a good boy, son.”

“Thank you, Jar!” Marti hugged him.

“I’ll drive you to your hotel so you can get checked in and freshen up, and then we’ll drop Marti’s bag at my place. I’ll show you around it, and we can go to dinner from there.”

“Sounds good.”

Wills had always been a competent driver, but the way he dealt with the DC traffic made me proud. It also made me glad I wasn’t the one doing the driving.

He pulled into a spot in the hotel’s underground parking garage, and we gathered our bags and took an elevator to the lobby.

“You have a reservation for Jack and Jill Matheson and family.”

“Yes, sir.” The clerk’s expression was polite and interested, and there was no trace of a smirk, which was the customary response we got to our names. “Two adults and two children. You’ll be in our Old Tippecanoe Suite.”

“Why are you giving us an old sweet?” Marti asked. “Don’t you have any fresh ones?”

She smiled at Marti. “Old Tippecanoe was the nickname of William Henry Harrison. This hotel is named for him. And a suite is a couple of rooms that open into each other. Oh, no, Mr. Matheson.” She pushed my credit card back to me. “It’s all been taken care of.”

“Wills?”

“You wouldn’t let me pay for your flight, Dad. Let me do this for you. Please?” There was something in his eyes that I had never seen before.

“Thank you, son.” In spite of the fact that we were in the lobby of a hotel, I hugged him.

“Thank you, Dad,” he whispered.

“Your key cards, sir.”

I squeezed my son’s shoulder, then stepped back and took the cards, giving Jill hers.

“You’re on five,” the clerk informed us. “The elevators immediately off the lobby will take you there. Enjoy your stay, Mr. and Mrs. Matheson.” The smile she turned on Wills was flirtatious, and I wasn’t surprised when he returned it. She was a redhead, after all.

I was so proud of how he attracted the opposite sex. Jill saw my expression. She linked her arm with mine and kissed my cheek. “JR, Marti, come along.”

It didn’t take long to find our suite. My children oo’d and ah’d over the flat screen TV and the mini fridge in the sitting area, my wife was charmed by the Jacuzzi in the bathroom and the stand-alone shower with its variety of bath products, and I – I liked that the bedroom that would be ours had a queen bed. Jill would be close enough to cuddle during the night.

“This is very nice, Wills. Thank you.”

He blushed and looked down. “You’re welcome, Dad. Are you ready to go?”

“Sure.” What was going on with my son?

The ride to his apartment took about half an hour, due to the traffic. Not only was it Friday afternoon, but it was rush hour.

The building had a parking garage on the lower level. He drove the Dodge to a spot with 808 painted on it, then led us to the elevator.

“Is there a doorman, Wills?”

“No. The security is good, though. Surveillance cameras and such.”

“Hmm.”

“It’s not bad, Dad.” The doors of the elevator slid open. “Okay, right this way. The grand tour starts immediately, if not sooner!”

The apartment came furnished. The walls were painted a bland, innocuous off-white and the furniture was uninspired and beige.

“Huntingdon found the apartment for me. I know it doesn’t look like much, but the rent’s reasonable. And anyway, I’m not here often enough for it to make much difference.”

“Like in Boston?”

“Yeah. Like in Boston.”

“There are no drawers in the walls.” That seemed to be Jar’s chief complaint. He’d loved that feature of Wills’ Medford apartment.

“It’s bigger though. The couch pulls out to a sleeper.” He put Marti’s carry-on down next to it.

“But it’s too far away for us to come visit!” And that was Marti’s chief complaint.

“Well, at least there aren’t any mice or bugs!” Jill tried her best to put a positive spin on it.

“No, there aren’t, and that’s a nice plus.”

“I want to see your kitchen.”

“Right through there. And you’ll notice the washer and dryer in the alcove? Not every apartment has that feature. I feel so special.” He grinned, about to follow her and his brother and sister, when I touched his arm. “Dad?”

“Are you happy here, Wills?”

His grin turned wry. “Does it show?” He shook his head. “I just miss you all. I’m still adjusting to living in the big city, I guess.”

Boston was a big city. Something didn’t jive right. “How long do you plan on staying here?”

“In DC or this apartment?” He shrugged. “I’m not sure. This branch of… of Huntingdon is tougher than the Boston one. I’m… I just...”

“Son?”

“Don’t mind me, Dad. It’s just a touch of homesickness.”

“If this doesn’t work out, don’t be ashamed to admit it. There are other jobs, and I know at least one architectural firm that will hire you in a snap.”

“It’s good to be the boss’s son.” His smile became more relaxed.

“I’m here if you need to talk, son.” As I’d pointed out time and again, my son was a grown man. But he was still my son.

“I know. You’re the best, Dad.” He hugged me. “Thank you. Now, come on. I’ve made reservations for dinner. It’s a nice little Chinese restaurant, and I think you’ll all like it.”

**

The next time we saw Wills was about four months later when he had a layover in Boston and called to let me know he wanted to take us out to dinner.

Maybe it was just a matter of getting used to working in a different city, far from his family, but he seemed more relaxed, more my easy-going son once again.

While Jar and Marti vied to hold his ear, bringing him up to date on everything that had been going on with school, their friends, and the cats and Dog Three, he sat back in his chair, running a finger up and down the side of his wine glass, happy and smiling.

“Have you been seeing anyone, sweetie?” Jill asked when our children both paused for a breath.

“Not for a while, Jill. Work keeps me busy, and it wouldn’t be fair to date a woman when I’m out of town so often.”

“I suppose.” Jill sighed.

“That’s probably just as well,” I said, although I would have liked to know Wills was serious about someone. “You’re too young to be a grandma, Jill.”

“That may be, Jack, but I want to see Wills happy.”

“I am happy.” He did seem to be. “And one day I suppose I’ll meet the girl of my dreams, get married, and have a bunch of kids.”

“And I’ll be their uncle!” Jar seemed more excited by that fact than by the idea of his brother marrying.

“Me, too!”

“No, Marti. You’ll be their aunt.”

“That’s what I said!”

“Enough about your non-existent wife and children. How is Michael? Do you see much of him?”

“No.” His smile dimmed, and I wanted to kick myself for bringing up the young man who had once been his best friend. “We’re in different departments, and his boss keeps him pretty busy. And since I’m out of town so often, well, there doesn’t seem to be time to get together.”

“Where are you flying to this time, sweetie?”

“Huntingdon has an affiliate in Colorado.”

“How long will you be there?”

“Probably not longer than a week. From there I’m supposed to go to San Francisco to connect with a flight to Hawaii.”

“Hawaii. How romantic!” Jill smiled dreamily, and that gave me an idea for our next anniversary. I’d talk to Alice to make sure she would be available to watch the children. If she was unavailable – she was still getting calls from Ginny to hurry back to New York to help her – maybe Jake and his wife would have them stay. I’d have to give it more thought.

Meanwhile, Wills grinned wryly. “I won’t get to see many of the tourist spots, but I am hoping to meet up with Uncle Pete. He’s trying to coordinate a couple of days’ leave.

I smiled at Wills. “You’re really racking up the frequent flyer miles.”

“You could say that.” Our waitress came with the dessert menu. “No, nothing for me.” He glanced at his watch. “I hate to eat and run, but I’ll have to step on it if I want to make my flight.” He reached for his wallet.

“No, son. Let me get it.”

“All right. Thanks, Dad.” He rose, ruffled his brother’s hair, kissed his sister’s cheek, then hugged Jill and shook my hand. “I loved seeing you all.”

“When will you be in town again?”

“Soon, I hope.”

“Son?”

He pulled me into a hug, whispered, “I love you, Dad,” then let me go. “Bye, everyone.”

I watched as he strode toward the front of the restaurant, assurance in the way he carried himself, in every step he took. He made me very proud.

“Can we have dessert, Dad?”

“Sure, Jar.” I sat down and opened the menu. “What do you feel like having?”

**

The Labor Day weekend was approaching, and my brother Jake was having a small family gathering – well, relatively small, considering the size of our family – at his home on Long Island. He called me to find out if we could make it.

“You bet, Jake. I’ll have to drop Alice off at her daughter’s house on Friday, and then pick her up on the way back on Tuesday morning.”

“Her daughter needs her again?”

“Yeah.” It seemed that every time we tried to include Alice in our plans, something would come up with her daughter’s kids, and she’d have to go help out.

“Ginny sounds really insecure to me.”

“To me too, but I can’t tell Alice that.”

“No. So, what about Wills? We were sorry he wasn’t able to make it for Memorial Day.”

“He won’t be able to make this either. His job.”

“Shit. That’s too bad, because Mom and Dad will be here. Have you seen him recently?”

“Yeah. He was able to take the second week in August for his vacation, and he spent it with us, then drove down to Seaford to see Mom and Dad before he had to get back to DC.” Wills had a decent number of vacation days, but because he was low man on the totem pole, he didn’t have much choice when it came to taking them. It also seemed that he was working almost every weekend.

“He drove out to see us for a few hours before he had to head back to DC too. The boy does a lot of driving.”

“He does a lot of traveling, period.” I sighed.

“Well, we’re gonna miss him on Labor Day.”

“Yeah. Will Pete and Simon be able to come?”

“No. Pete’s stationed out of the country until the end of the year and can’t get leave, and Simon’s not only teaching, but he’s doing some research for a paper.”

“It would be great if we could all get together for Thanksgiving or Christmas, but I guess the odds on that aren’t good.” This would be the first holiday season we’d be spending without Wills.

“No. It’s been too long. Maybe next Memorial Day?”

“We can hope. Mom will twist Pete’s arm; she was always good at that. And Simon promised he’d be here no matter what.”

“I’m glad to hear that. It would be nice if Pete brought that guy he’s involved with.”

Pete was gay, but because he was in the Marines, no one outside the family knew. It had made no difference to Sophe, which had surprised me a little, considering how old-fashioned her family was. Then again, knowing Sophe, it shouldn’t have surprised me. She’d loved Pete and insisted he come to dinner whenever he was in town. He’d been out of the country when she’d died, but somehow he’d managed to get leave, and had been one of her pallbearers.

Lost in memories of that time, I almost missed it when Jake said, “Hey, did I tell you Brynn is expecting? Twins, Jack!”

“No! Congratulations, Grandpa!”

“Smile when you call me that!” He chuckled. “My sons have married veritable baby machines, and if you tell any of my daughters-in-law that I said that, I’ll grind you into little bitty Matheson meatballs!”

“My lips are sealed.”

“So, Jack, any idea when Wills will make you a father-in-law?”

“Not any time soon, that’s for sure. His company sends him all over the country, and that makes it hard for him to get serious about anyone.” Wills was a grown man, I kept reminding myself. He had his life to lead, and work was an important part of it.

“Well, he’ll make a good husband when he finally settles down.”

“Yes, and a good dad.” I thought wistfully of a little boy with Sophia’s eyes and mouth, warm olive skin, and ink-dark hair.

We talked a bit longer, catching up on other family news, and then hung up.

The next time Wills called to touch base, I asked casually, “Seeing anyone special, son?”

“Not right now, Dad. You know how things can be with work,” he replied, just as casually, and changed the subject.

**

The ringing of the telephone shrilled through the quiet of that night the following April, yanking me out of a deep sleep. I fumbled for the receiver, my heart pounding as adrenaline flooded through my system. Beside me, Jill snapped on the bedside lamp.

“Mr. Matheson?”

“Yes?”

“One moment for Mr. Adams, please.”

Adams? Who the fuck… Oh, Jesus, the man who was Wills’s superior in DC.

“Mr. Matheson, this is James Adams.”

“What’s happened to my son?”

“Why would you think something’s happened to him?”

“Don’t treat me like a fool. You’re not calling at two thirty in the morning to pass the time of day.”

“I’m not,” he said. Was there grudging admiration in his voice? “Your son was in an automobile accident – a freak accident – but he’s alive.”

“Oh, dear God.” My gut felt as if it turned to water. A freak car accident had taken his mother from me. Was it going to take my son from me also?

“Jack? What’s happened to Wills?” Jill’s voice was sharp.

I put my hand over the receiver. “He’s been in an accident.”

“Oh, no!” She sprang out of bed and began laying out clothes.

“Mr. Matheson, are you there?”

I swallowed and turned back to the phone. “I’m sorry, I was just telling my wife… How… how bad?”

“It could have been worse.” Adams’ words were somber. At least he didn’t insult my intelligence by trying for a chipper tone. “As I told you, he’s alive. However, we thought it would be for the best if we transferred him to a hospital closer to your home.”

“Mass General?”

“No. Matheson has been sent to Joseph P. Kennedy Memorial, a small teaching hospital that Huntingdon sponsors. It’s in Weymouth. I’m sure you’ll want to go there. I’ll give you the directions.”

“Yes. Thank you.” I’d never heard of that hospital, but if it was a small one… “Let me get a pencil and paper.”

Jill opened the drawer of her night table and took out the notepad and pen she kept there. “Here, Jack.”

“Thanks, sweet girl. All right, Mr. Adams. Go ahead.” I scribbled down the directions. “We’ll be there as soon as we can.”

“There’s no rush for you to get there, Mr. Matheson. Your son is just getting settled into his room.”

“We’ll be there as soon as we can,” I repeated.

“Very well. Drive carefully. Good night.”

“Wait! How bad… Yeah, good night,” I said to the dial tone.

“I’ll wake Alice and let her know.” Jill was already dressed. “You get the car, okay, Jack?”

“Yes.” I blinked and blinked again, trying to emerge from the daze I was in. “Yes. I’ll get the car.” I threw back the covers and headed for the bedroom door. A pounding was building up behind my temples, and I dug my thumbs into them.

“Jack?”

“Yes?”

“Get dressed, okay?”

I looked down at myself and scrubbed my face. “Jesus.” I was wearing shorts and an undershirt. “Yes.”

Jill came to me and hugged me, then hurried out of the room.

**

At that time of night, there wasn’t much traffic on the road. Fortunately, there weren’t any state troopers around either. I did the half hour run in fifteen minutes.

A middle-aged nurse took us right to Wills’ room. “He’s doing much better. He’s sleeping right now.”

I bit back a moan at the sight of my son lying face down on the bed. Tubes ran into and out of his body. Hanging from the lower railing of his bed was a bag, about a third-filled with bloody urine. The sheet and blanket covered him to his waist, and his back…

A livid, angry red line held together by surgical staples ran from a couple of inches above his waist to just below his left shoulder blade.

“How badly is he hurt?”

“He’s on the mend. Beyond that, there really isn’t much I can tell you.”

“Nurse, please?”

“I’m sorry. You’ll have to speak to his doctor. I’ll make sure Dr. Herricks knows you’re here.”

It seemed an eternity before Dr. Herricks strode in, but it couldn’t have been longer than five minutes.

“Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Matheson. I’m pleased to meet you, although not, of course, under these circumstances.”

“Dr. Herricks.” We shook his hand. “How is he? What happened?”

“Didn’t—I was sure Mr. Adams was supposed to tell you… Your son was in a freak accident.”

“Yes, we were told that. But what happened?”

“Oh. Well.” He waved his hand vaguely. “A motor vehicle accident. Not your son’s fault at all, I was told, and it would have been a lot worse if he hadn’t been wearing his seat belt. The worst of his injuries is damage to his kidney. He’ll lose some of the function, I’m afraid, but he’s got the other one, so that’s okay.”

Was he insane? It wasn’t ‘okay’! “What—”

“He’s getting something for pain through his IV.” The doctor looked around. “Well, I’m sure you’ll want to stay with your son. I’ll just talk to one of the nurses and see that you get a couple of cots in here. It was very nice meeting you.” He gave us a professional smile. “Good night.”

“But… Son of a bitch!” I stared at his retreating back and started to go after him.

“Dad?”

I forgot everything else and went to my son’s side.

“We’re here, son.”

“Wasn’t sure. Been… been thinking since it happened that I’ve heard your voice.” His eyes were unfocused. “I’m home?”

“You’re in the hospital.”

“What happened?”

“We were told you were in a freak car accident.”

“S-sorry, Dad. Wish they… they hadn’t put it like that.” His eyelids drooped closed.

“Are you in pain? Do you want us to get a nurse?”

“No. Tired. Jill here too?”

“Of course, sweetie.” She smoothed the hair back off his forehead. “Where else would I be?”

He smiled, but his lips were so dry it looked like they were about to crack. Jill took a tube of Chapstick from her pocketbook, smoothing it over his lips.

“Jill?”

“Yes.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Though I could smack you for scaring us like this! If you’d wanted to see us so badly… “ Her voice hitched, and she turned away and bit back a sob.

“Sorry. Dunno what… what went wrong… “

“Go back to sleep, sport.” I would have patted his shoulder, but I was afraid I’d hurt him. Instead I straightened the covers around his waist. “We’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Th-thanks, Dad. Been… been a long time… since you… called me… ‘sport.’”

“Wills…”

“’sokay. Missed… missed hearing it. Didn’t… realize… how… much…”

“Oh, son…” I reached for his hand and held tight to it, and Jill buried her face against my shoulder.

“’sokay.” His breathing deepened and evened out as he slid back into slumber.

It was a restless slumber, however, and he tossed and turned, biting back moans when the staples on his back pulled, or the tubes tangled.

“Nurse! Why is he like this? What’s happening to him?”

“Not to worry.” It was another nurse who answered the bell. “It’s just nightmares. The narcotic he’s taking for the pain has that side effect sometimes. He’s doing amazingly well, and we’ll be lessening the dosage before long.”

I wanted him home. “When will he be discharged?”

“Once the doctor is sure we have the bleeding under control, I’m sure he’ll… You’re both looking exhausted. Why don’t you try to get some rest?” Her smile was a copy of the doctor’s. “I’ll be back to check on Mr. Matheson in a little while, but if you need me, please feel free to call me.”

“Jack, I want Dr. Sorensen to see Wills.” Jill went into my arms and clung to me. Jim Sorensen had been our family doctor since we’d moved to Cambridge in ‘87, and he’d taken care of the broken bones and childhood illnesses of all our children, as well as the occasional flu and bronchitis that Jill and I and Alice had contracted. We trusted him to keep us all healthy.

“I’ll call him first thing in the morning, sweet girl.” I wanted Wills out of here as soon as it was possible. I didn’t like the doctor, I didn’t like the nurses, and I didn’t understand why he was in this hospital instead of Mass General. “We’ll get our boy home as soon as we can.”

Part 8

It was more than a couple of weeks before Wills was discharged from Joseph P. Kennedy however, and by that time he was off the narcotic, disconnected from the IVs and the Foley, and had the staples removed.

When our family doctor got to see Wills, he studied the X-rays, examined him carefully, and finally shook his head, shaken and puzzled. “I don’t know how he managed to survive, Jack. Wills had a very close call, that’s all I can tell you. A very close call.”

“I’m sorry, Dad.” Wills eased his shirt on over his shoulders, and I helped him with it, avoiding the long, healing wound on his back.

“What are you sorry about?”

“I didn’t want to get you all upset.”

“You’re alive, and that’s all that matters!”

~~~~

He was alive, and that was all that mattered. Everything else was just bullshit.

“Jack.” My wife’s voice pulled me back into the present, and I looked up at her. It was dark now, the kitchen illuminated only by the light from the hallway. How long had I been sitting there, musing over the events of my life? “Oh, Jack!”

“My sweet girl.” I stood, and she came to me and ran her palms over my cheeks. Only then did I realize that I’d been crying. “I didn’t mean it.”

“I know, Jack. I know.”

“I want what’s best for all our children, Jilly. Our children. I’m so sorry I said Wills wasn’t your child. I was just so hurt that you wouldn’t give me credit for…”

“I know. I reacted without thinking, and I’m sorry too. My father… He’s a hateful, bigoted man, Jack.”

“I’m not like that, Jilly.”

“I know. I know. You were crying.”

I held her tight in my arms, my cheek against her hair. “I was thinking about how we almost lost Wills a few years ago.”

“And with Michael passing away at the beginning of the year…” She shuddered in my arms.

“Yes. We worry about drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and now we have to be concerned about scarfing.”

“Is that what they’re calling it?”

“That’s what Wills told me.”

“Darling Jack, I know you’ve had ‘the talk’ with Jar, but this…”

“Wills talked to Jar about it, and then Jar and I talked more.” I’d been anticipating a difficult conversation – how was I supposed to talk to my younger son about autoerotic asphyxiation? – but he’d touched my arm and said, ‘It’s okay, Dad. Wills called me after the funeral. He said it wasn’t a smart thing to do, and if he’d known Michael was doing it, he’d have kicked his ass from Washington back here to Cambridge.’ “He’s promised to let either me or Wills know if any of the boys in his crowd want to try it.”

“And by ‘any of the boys,’ you mean Damien.”

“Yes.” I knew she was talking about Patrick.

“Wills is a good brother. He’s a good son too. Please, darling Jack. You’ll give him and his friend a chance?”

“I will, but it’s going to be so hard for them, Jill. Never mind all the homophobia he’ll have to face. There’s also health insurance, owning property together, advanced health directives… And if they decide they want children…”

“Jack, they’ve only started dating. They’re not even living together. Don’t you think that maybe you’re jumping the gun just a bit?”

“He’s never brought anyone home before!” She gave me a look. “I… You’re right, Jilly. I suppose if it becomes necessary, Bob will come up with something.” Jake’s third son was a lawyer.

She laughed and kissed me. “You have an amazing family, darling Jack. I’m so glad I married into it.”

“So am I.”

“Let me make you some dinner.”

“Better yet, sweet girl – it’s not too late. Let me take you out to dinner! How does Casablanca sound?”

“Wonderful! Jar is old enough to stay home alone with Marti. They can nuke a bag of popcorn and watch some tapes. I’ll just let them know, and then we can go!”

**

After we returned home, and while Jill was getting ready for bed, I called Pete. He’d retired from the Marines a couple of months earlier and had just purchased a home in North Carolina.

I finished telling him the whole thing. “And there you have it, Pete.” I blew out a breath. “I don’t understand how I could miss the signs.”

“What signs? Did you expect him to wear makeup? Talk with a lisp? Suddenly start singing show tunes?”

“Don’t be an asshole, Pete. What I meant was, I’m his father. Shouldn’t I have seen he was attracted to guys?”

“Dad didn’t.”

“Come on. That was how many years ago? Did he even realize that was a possibility?”

“Well, y’know, there was Aunt Margaret.”

“Yeah, but how many years was it before we found out that the school teacher she was sharing her apartment with was more than just a roommate?”

“We all knew!”

“And you kept it from me?”

“Face it, Jackie. You were just a kid. You didn’t need to know.” He was the only one who could get away with using my boyhood nickname.

“Yeah, but…”

“But…?”

“Never mind.”

“So what are you gonna do?”

“Well, I have to call Mom and Dad. Jake. Simon. The Sabatinis.” I wasn’t looking forward to that call at all.

“Idiot. I mean with Wills being bi. How will that affect your relationship?”

“Oh. I don’t see that it has to.”

“That’s what I want to hear, Jack. So what’s got your shorts in a bunch?”

“I’m just worried about this young man he’s seeing. I haven’t met him. I have no idea what his intentions are.” I groaned as I realized how that sounded. “I thought I’d only have to worry about that with Marti.”

“Listen, Jack. We’ll all be worrying about Marti, so don’t give it a second thought.”

“Thanks, Pete. I’m gonna need all the help I can get. She’s ten years old, and already boys are calling her!

“That makes me glad I don’t have kids.”

“And that’s another thing! Wills would make such a great father, and he won’t have children!”

“Yes, he will, Jack. He’ll have Jar’s and Marti’s and all his cousins’ children.”

“I know that, but… Pete – this is strictly between the two of us, okay? A child of his would be like having a little bit of Sophe again.”

“Ah, Jackie…”

“I’m sorry. I’m being maudlin.” I cleared my throat. “If only this Bascopolis is like your Dave.” Pete had been involved with Dave Fredericks for almost as long as I’d been married to Jill, although with them both being in the military, they’d had to be very discreet. “Suppose he’s not as serious about Wills as Wills is about him? Suppose he breaks Wills’s heart?”

“Straight or gay, that’s a chance we all have to take. Do you trust your son?”

“You know I do!”

“Then trust him enough to know he’s doing what’s right for him. When is he coming home?”

“He’s flying up on Saturday for the Memorial Day Weekend, and bringing Bascopolis with him.”

“Shit. I can’t make it this year. Dave and I are in the middle of things, what with moving in. You know how that is.”

“Oh, yeah, tell me about it!”

“Wills’s birthday wouldn’t do any good. That’s three months away, and if I know my nephew, he’ll be pretty involved by then.”

“There is that. Damn. I don’t know what to do. He might be a nice-enough guy, but Jesus, Pete! I don’t have to tell you how difficult it’s going to be for Wills.”

“At least he’s not in the military. Is it likely he’d lose his job if he were outed to his company?”

“Huntingdon seems to have a fairly liberal policy when it comes to their employees’ sexual orientation. But if Wills is let go, I’ll have Jake sic Bob on them.”

Pete burst into laughter. “Who’d have thought we’d have a reason to be pleased one of Jake’s boys studied law? We’ll have to stop teasing him about it now.” He was silent for a minute. “I tell you what, Jack. How about if I drive up to DC as soon as I can and meet this Theo Bascopolis? I’ll get back to you about my impression about him.”

“Would you mind, Pete?” By the time he was able to get to DC, we’d pretty much know if this guy was worthy of my son, but a second opinion would be good. “I trust your judgment, and I’d really appreciate it.”

“Ass. That’s what brothers are for.”

I laughed. “Do me a favor, would you? Don’t tell Jill I’ve been such an idiot about this, okay?”

“You’re not an idiot; you’re a concerned father. You know I won’t say anything if you don’t want me to, but how come?”

“Jill is so thrilled that Wills finally seems to have found someone that she’s ready to welcome him with open arms. If…”

“Ah. Got it. She’ll start cooking for you if she realizes you have doubts. My lips are sealed, Jack.”

“I just hope we both can approve of Bascopolis. I’d hate to think what it would do to Wills if we didn’t like his choice.”

“I hear you. When I brought Dave home to meet everyone… Well, I blessed my luck in having such an amazing family.”

“Your Dave is a good guy.”

“He is, isn’t he?” I could hear the deep affection in my brother’s voice, and I remembered his earlier years, when he’d gone from one man to the next, none of them lasting very long. Dave was good for him, and I hoped my son had found someone who brought him as much happiness.

“I wish we all could get together more frequently. Mom and Dad aren’t getting any younger, you know.”

“Yeah. I know each of us go to see them when we can, but it would mean the world to them if we were all there at the same time. I’ll see if I can arrange something with Dave. Maybe next Memorial Day?”

“That’s a good idea. Jake will be having it at his place, and there’s plenty of room for everyone. Wills isn’t usually able to get holidays off, but I’ll ask him to make an effort to be there then.” With his boyfriend, if they were still together. “I’d better go now, Pete. It’s getting late, and Jill will get suspicious.”

“I’ll let you go then. Make sure you call and let me know what you think of him.”

“I will, Pete, and you do the same. You take care of yourself now, you hear?”

“Sure thing, Jack. Bye.”

“Bye.”

**

I put the car in the garage, and Jar, Marti, and I went into the house. “She’ll be okay, Daddy?”

“That’s what Dr. Morse said, munchkin.” This was a hell of a time for Dog Three to break her leg. The kids had been playing with her, tossing a Frisbee around, and she’d landed wrong. I’d heard the bone snap from the deck where I was hooking up the propane tank to the gas grill.

“I’m sorry, Dad.”

“Not your fault, Jar. Sometimes these things just happen.”

Jill and Alice were in the kitchen when we walked in. If we weren’t expecting such a mob, they would have come with us. “How is she?”

“She’ll be fine. Dr. Morse wants to keep her there for the weekend. She said something about making sure the bone is stable...” Dr. Morse had been our vet for almost as long as Jim Sorensen had been our family doctor. She’d taken me aside and had actually said it sounded as if the bone had snapped too easily, and she wanted to run a few tests, but Jar and Marti didn’t need to know that just yet. I’d tell Jill and Alice later. “Anyway, it’s probably just as well, with all the kids we’ll have running around. You know Deety would want to join in all the fun, and she’d wind up breaking her leg again.”

“Yes.” Jill crossed to Marti, who wasn’t taking it well, and hugged her. “It will be all right, munchkin.” Marti sniffled, and Jill exchanged looks with Alice.

“You know, Jill, I have to run to the store to pick up a few last-minute things. Why don’t you come with me, Marti?” She put her arm around Marti’s shoulders and gave a small squeeze. “I could use the help.”

“Okay, Alice.” Not surprisingly, Marti was subdued. She hated to see any of the pets hurting.

“Take my car, Alice.” Jill handed her the keys, and Alice and Marti left. “Jar?” She went to hug him, but he held himself stiffly.

“I’ll get the blow-up stuff for the pool ready, okay, Mom?”

“All right, sweetie.” She tugged his head down and dropped a kiss on his hair.

“Jar? It wasn’t your fault.”

“If you say so, Dad.” He went out, and the screen door banged behind him.

I sighed, then glanced up at the clock. “Oh, shit!”

“Now, now, Jack!”

The shuttle that my son and his boyfriend would be arriving on was due to land at any moment. Wills had told Jill there was no need for anyone to come pick them up; he’d rent a car. He’d also told her they were only bringing carry-ons, so they’d be able to skip the wait at baggage claim. Taking into consideration the lines at the rental place and any holiday traffic they might run into, it would only be about forty-five minutes before they got here.

I ran a hand through my hair, becoming more and more stressed. We didn’t know much of anything about this Theo Bascopolis beyond the fact that he was unemployed and Wills had met him in George Washington Hospital. I’d hoped my son would meet the person who would be important to him close to home, at school or at his job or living right next door, although truthfully, I cringed at the thought of him joining our family and the Herendons.

Well, I supposed meeting his soul mate, if that was what Bascopolis proved to be, in a hospital, couldn’t be any stranger than meeting him in a supermarket or waiting on the corner bus stop.

What troubled me was that Bascopolis wasn’t working right now. Did that mean he was chronically unemployed? Was he a leech? Would he take my son for everything he could and then leave him, breaking Wills’s heart?

“Jill, would you tell me the truth? Has Wills always been like this, and I just didn’t see it?”

“If he was, I didn’t see it either, darling Jack.”

“Oh, my God! I didn’t pressure him into acting straight, did I?”

“No.” She came to me and hugged me. “Now, you pacing and wearing a hole in the floor won’t get them here any sooner. Why don’t you go open the pool? We’re supposed to have good weather, but if the water isn’t warm enough to go swimming, you can turn on the heater. And the tennis court needs to be set up too.”

“How can you be so calm about this, Jilly?”

“Are you kidding? Inside I’m such a wreck; Alice has had to do most of the food prep! Darling Jack, this is the first time since high school that Wills has brought someone home.”

“That’s what worries me. Knowing Wills, knowing his personality, we can be pretty sure that he’s handed Bascopolis his heart on a platter.”

“But…?”

“What are Bascopolis’ intentions? These gay guys can be so… Don’t look at me like that. You didn’t know Pete when he was younger!”

“Darling Jack.” She ran her hand over my hair, smoothing it down. “You’re such a good father! Wills is a son you can be proud of, and I have no doubt he’s made a wise choice.”

And if he hadn’t, all we could do was be there for him, and I would be, right after I’d beat the shit out of Theodore Bascopolis.

I brushed a kiss over Jill’s lips and let her go. “I’ll go see to the pool.”

“Oh, and look for the horseshoes too, okay?”

“Okay.”

**

The pool cover was off, the heater was warming the water, and I’d gone through the garage twice with no luck, so now I was in the basement looking for the horseshoes. Overhead I could hear footsteps. It occurred to me that they were too heavy to be my wife’s and it was too early for my brother and his family to arrive.

It had to be Wills and his friend. I licked my lips and went up the stairs. Jill was tearing the wrapping paper off what I assumed was a hostess gift.

“Oooh! The first volume of Mastering the Art of French Cooking! A first printing! And it’s been autographed by Julia Child!” Jill turned around and saw me standing there. “Jack, look!”

“That was a very thoughtful gift. Bascopolis.” Julia Child had retired to Santa Barbara, California the year before. How had he managed to get an autographed copy? Wills hadn’t said anything about them taking a trip to the West Coast.

I studied Bascopolis carefully. If I hadn’t known that he was homosexual, I’d never have made him out to be gay. Well, except for the earring in his right ear. He was about six feet tall, and while he wasn’t bulked up, his body was well-muscled. His eyes were a light, golden brown, and his hair… I felt my heart sink. He was a redhead.

“Jill, take William’s guest up to his room. I’d like to have a word with my son.”

“I’ll join you in a few minutes, Theo. As soon as we’re unpacked, we can go swimming if you’d like.” My son’s words were easy-going, but underneath was a thread of steel, and I remembered how staunchly he’d stood by Michael Shaw. I knew I’d have to tread warily if I didn’t want to risk alienating him.

Bascopolis met my gaze. “Mr. Matheson, I’d just like you to know that I care a great deal for your son; I won’t hurt him. I think the last thing any of us would want is to see him hurt. I hope you’ll give me a chance.”

I nodded but said nothing that would commit me one way or the other.

“Come along, Theo.” Jill gave me a look. “Wills has mentioned that you cook also.”

“Yes, I do.”

“We’ll have to exchange recipes…”

Their voices faded as they climbed the back staircase to the second floor, and I turned to face my son. He was watching me, but I was startled to realize I couldn’t read his expression.

I cleared my throat. “A very personable young man, William. But Jill tells me he’s unemployed.”

“He’s in the process of changing jobs, and…”

“Wills.” I’d always tried to be a hip, happening father, but I couldn’t be hip and happening about this. Love was blind. I didn’t want my firstborn son to be taken for a ride. “He could be a deadbeat. Don’t let him get his hands on your money.”

“Dad, Theo has a degree in computer accounting; he’s better with money than I am. He has a stock portfolio that… Well, let me put it this way. The last thing Theo Bascopolis needs from me is money. And besides, I’m too young to be his sugar daddy!” He blushed suddenly, but I hardly noticed.

“I don’t understand. You could have any woman you wanted. In college you had more girlfriends than we could shake a stick at!” Rissa, Sandy, Marilyn, Betty, Mary Ellen, Kate, Cindy… “Every time we turned around, there was a new coed clinging to your arm!”

“Didn’t you ever wonder about that, Dad?”

“I thought you were a stud.”

He gave a snort of laughter. “Geez, I was lucky I could achieve penetration!”

I felt shell-shocked. Oh, sure we’d had the birds and the bees conversation, but we’d never talked about what he’d done with any of his girlfriends. This was definitely too much information.

Still chuckling, he patted my shoulder. “Sorry, Dad; more than you needed to know, huh?” He sobered. “Like you said, I went from one girl to another. I always used to wonder why I couldn’t…” He paused and cleared his throat. “Um… why I couldn’t settle with any one of them. Now I know.”

“I can’t understand it.”

He stiffened, as if in anticipation of a blow. “That I’m gay?”

“Wills!” I hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but that wasn’t what I’d meant. “I mean, you’re a good-looking man, son, but…”

“But Theo is flat-out gorgeous. I know.”

Actually, Bascopolis’s looks were well enough, but nothing to compare with my son’s.

Wills was shaking his head. “I don’t understand it myself, but I’m not going to question it. You know something, Dad? He loves me.”

And you love him. “Well, if you’re going to persist in this…” I guess that’s about all anyone can ask for.

“Do… uh… do you still love me, Dad?”

Abruptly I was taken back twenty-one years, to the time after Sophia had died, and my son had looked up at me with his mother’s tear-drenched eyes and asked, “Do you still love me, Daddy?” and I felt as if my heart was breaking.

“You’re my son, William. I’ll always love you, no matter what.” I gave him a shake, and then pulled him into my arms and hugged him fiercely. “No matter what! Just…” I gave a watery chuckle. “Just don’t encourage Jill to cook for me again.”

He laughed, but his eyes were a little wet too. “I promise, Dad.”

**

I sat on the front porch steps, gazing up at the night sky through the leafy branches of the oak in the middle of the lawn. The women were putting the younger kids to bed, while Harry and his brothers sat with the older ones in the family room, watching videos.

Jake lounged against the railing. “What do you think, Jack?”

“I like him. He seems like a nice enough young man.” I kept remembering the look I’d seen on his face when he’d learned how seriously Wills had been injured in that accident some years back – shocked, stunned, devastated.

“I thought so too. I wonder if we’d have accepted him so easily if Pete weren’t gay.”

“You’ve got a point. I wondered about that myself.” The thing was, it was one thing growing up with a gay older brother. It was another learning the son I’d thought was straight, on whom I’d pinned all my hopes of a grandson with Sophia’s looks, was gay. This was going to take some adjusting to.

“You’ve told Mom and Dad?”

“After I called you. They took it well. So did Simon.”

“Something’s bothering you.”

“Yeah. I still have to call the Sabatinis.”

“I don’t envy you that chore. They won’t take it well.”

“No. Neither of Sophia’s parents is in the best of health, and this news…” I sighed. “It will be just one more thing Tony will blame me for.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Jack. And Wills being gay…”

“Actually, bi.” He’d told me himself he’d slept with girls.

“Whatever. That’s not your fault either.” He patted my shoulder.

“I know, Jake.” I gazed up at the full moon as it hung in the late spring sky. “He took Theo out to the treehouse to look at the stars.”

“They’ve got a good night for it.”

“Yeah.”

“It’ll be okay, Jack.”

“I hope so. I’ve never seen my son so… so in love with anyone.”

“I think you’re right. I don’t remember him ever bringing any of his girlfriends to a family gathering, not after high school, at any rate.”

“No. And we never met any of the girls he dated in college.”

“Y’know, Jack, none of my boys brought a girl home unless they were really serious about her.”

“So I guess this is the real deal for him.”

“Knowing you, knowing Sophia?” He dropped down beside me and slid his arm around my shoulder in a comforting hug. “I’d say yes.”

**

The rest of May, all four days of it, went downhill fast. When I went to pick up Deety, Dr. Morse asked me to step into one of the treatment rooms. There was an X-ray box on the wall, and she flipped a switch, lighting the film within it.

“This is Dog Three’s X-ray. I’m sorry, Mr. Matheson. As I’d feared, she has osteosarcoma, cancer of the bone. That’s why her leg broke so easily.”

“But it can be treated, can’t it?”

“Yes, but I won’t lie to you. It’s a very aggressive cancer, and at the most, we’ll only be able to buy her a year.”

“What kind of treatment are we talking about?”

“Amputation of the limb, then chemotherapy.”

I’d been afraid it was bad, but this bad… “How soon do I need to make this decision?”

“It appears to be in the early stages – no sign of it having metastasized to her lungs yet – but truthfully, the sooner we get started, the better chance she has.”

“What kind of quality of life will she have? You have to understand I want what’s best for Dog Three, but she’s nine years old, and I don’t want her last year to be miserable.”

“She won’t be miserable. Dogs don’t react to chemotherapy the way humans do, and the agent I’d put her on has minimal side effects.”

“If we do nothing?”

“I’d still have to amputate the leg, if only to alleviate the pain. Dogs manage very well on three legs.”

I scrubbed my face. “Can I see her?”

“Of course.” She pressed a button on the intercom. “Josh, bring Dog Three to Room 2.”

Within minutes a tall, skinny kid brought in the black Lab. Deety’s ears and tail were down, and she looked the epitome of an unhappy dog, but when she saw me, her ears went up and her whole hind end began to wag with her tail.

“Hey, pup.” I knelt down, and she hobbled to me, covering my face with doggy kisses and trying to climb onto my lap. I buried my face in the ruff of her neck. How could I have her put to sleep, when she appeared so alive? “Okay, Dr. Morse. Do whatever you have to do.”

“You’re making the best choice for her, Mr. Matheson.”

“When will you…” I looked up at her and swallowed, “… take her leg?”

“Tomorrow morning. I’ll make sure she’s first on the schedule.”

“Will we be able to see her before she goes under?”

“Of course. Can you come by before eight?”

“Yeah.” I turned back to Deety. “You have to stay here a little longer, okay, pup? And you know what? The whole family is gonna come see you tomorrow!” She licked my cheek. “Be a good girl, Deety.”

“We’ll take very good care of her, Mr. Matheson,” Dr. Morse assured me as Josh led her away. Deety looked over her shoulder at me, her jaws parted in a doggy grin, and I felt the first tear spill over and run down my cheek.

“What kind of timeline are we looking at here, Dr. Morse?”

“We’ll give Deety a couple of weeks to recover from the surgery. Then I’ll remove the stitches and start the first of five rounds of chemo, which will be spaced about three weeks apart.” She took my hand. “I’ve consulted with an oncologist about this, Mr. Matheson. We’re going to try our best to get Deety through this.”

I cleared my throat. “Thank you. I… I have to go home and tell the family about this.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t have better news for you.”

I nodded and walked out. Jar and Marti were both at school, so I had a reprieve with them, but that still left Jill and Alice.

**

“Jack? Why didn’t you bring Deety home?”

I sighed. Here was the start of it.

**

Surprisingly, Jar and Marti took it better than the three adults in the house did. Maybe because at their age they still believed that they and everyone they loved would live forever.

Deety came through the surgery with flying colors, so glad to be at home again that she scarcely seemed to notice the loss of her front leg.

**

It was a couple of weeks later, and things were settling into a routine. When the phone rang, Jar yelled, “I’ll get it!” He didn’t see me standing in the doorway. He picked up the phone, intoned into the receiver, “City morgue. You kill ‘em, we chill ‘em!” and abruptly blushed. “Oh, hi, Uncle Pete. Sorry about that; I thought it was someone else.”

I snorted. Probably Damien.

“She’s doing good, thanks. She had her first round of chemo yesterday, and so far there aren’t any problems. Knock on wood.” He rapped his knuckles gently against his skull, and I smothered a laugh. “I know, Dad was kind of surprised by that too, but it’s a relief. ... Yeah. ... Okay, I’ll get him for you. Daaaddd! Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you were right here, Dad.” His cheeks turned a deeper red, and he handed me the telephone. “Um… I’ll just go watch some TV.”

“You do that, sport.”

“C’mon, Deety.”

She followed along after him.

I kept my expression stern until he left the room, then chuckled softly. “Hi, Pete.”

“Hi, Jack. I’m glad to hear Dog Three is managing on three legs.”

“Yeah, she’s a wonder. I’m just hoping she handles the chemo as well. We’ve got our fingers crossed.”

“Us too. Keep me posted, okay?”

“Sure thing. So tell me, how are things in North Carolina?”

“They’re going well, Jack. Dave and I have everything just about squared away with the house now, and as soon as you have some free time, we’d like you and Jill and the kids to come down and stay for a few days, christen our guest rooms.”

“We’d love to. Let me check to make sure Jar and Marti don’t have anything on their schedules, although I think they’d have no problem changing any plans. They do love their Uncle Pete.”

“I love them too. You’ve got yourself three great kids, Jackie. And that brings me to why I’m calling. Have you got the time to talk?”

“For my big brother? Always!”

“Okay, then, here’s the skinny. I drove up to DC and met William’s significant other. William was at work, so I got to spend some time alone with Theo.”

“What did you think of him?”

“You were right. He’s very easy to like.” I’d called Pete after Memorial Day and filled him in on the events of the weekend. “You know I’ve been all over the world, but I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with so much charisma. And once he realized I wasn’t going to make a play for William…”

“Excuse me?”

“He was rather… curt when I first showed up, until I introduced myself. He apologized later, said he thought I was some guy who’d finally got what a great man William was and was going to try to take William away from him.”

“Y’know, I saw Theo watching Wills a few times when he didn’t realize anyone was paying attention to him, and it about broke my heart. It was as if someone had handed him the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and on a silver platter to boot, and he couldn’t understand how he could be so lucky.”

“I know what you mean about that look. They had dinner with me at my hotel, and William reached across the table to pat Theo’s arm. He was looking at me, so he didn’t see the expression on Theo’s face. I don’t think Theo was aware himself, or he probably would have been embarrassed. I get the feeling that he’s used to keeping his feelings under wraps.”

“He’s had it rough, Pete. Did he tell you his father threw him out when he learned Theo was gay?”

“No, he didn’t say anything about that. How can any man call himself a father and still toss out his son like so much trash?”

“Beats me.” I sighed.

“That reminds me. How did your former in-laws take it?”

“They still don’t know. I called to tell them, Pete, but Tony answered the phone, and when he realized it was me, he slammed it down.”

“Fuck it. What’s wrong with him?”

“He still hasn’t forgiven me for surviving that accident, while Sophe...”

“Even after all these years? Ah, Jack…”

“As much as I wanted to spare Wills from having to break that news to his grandparents, I’m afraid he’ll have to.”

Pete was silent for a moment. “I thank God I had such a supportive family.”

“Yes. We really did luck out.” After a moment, I said, “Okay, enough of the mushy stuff. Tell me about the time you spent with Theo.”

“He showed me the apartment… Have you seen it yet, Jack?”

“Not yet.”

“It’s amazing. I’m not the architect in the family, but it about knocked my socks off. It was originally built before the Civil War, and… “

**

The veterinary receptionist smiled up at us as my son and I tore into the vet’s office.

“Mr. Matheson. John Robert. Are you here to see Deety? She’s responding well to the treatment, and Dr. Morse is certain she’ll be able to go home, maybe as soon as…” She took in the blood-soaked towel Jar was holding and quickly became all business. “Go into Room 3.” She thumbed the intercom. “Tech to Room 3. Dr. Morse, we have an emergency. Room 3.”

Dr. Morse hurried in, pausing in surprise when she saw us. “Mr. Matheson…” Then she saw the little bundle on the examining table. “What happened?”

“I got her here as quickly as I could. Our neighbor’s dog got into the yard and did this,” I explained as she carefully unwrapped the towel. “Please. Do whatever you have to in order to save her.”

“Which kitten—This is Jasmine?”

“Ye-yes.” The kitten was to have been our birthday gift to Wills. He and Theo had had such fun playing with her over the Memorial Day weekend.

Dr. Morse spoke to the tech in low tones and began examining the tiny body, but she’d barely started before she shook her head and looked up at us.

“Oh, Mr. Matheson. I’m so sorry. The extent of the injuries she suffered… Jasmine was gone before you got here.” She cleaned the blood off her hands and rested her palm on my son’s shoulder. “Are you all right, John?”

Jar, white-faced and looking more like a boy than a teen on the threshold of young manhood, had ridden with me, holding the little broken body wrapped in the towel. He ducked his head and scrubbed his cheek against his shoulder, making no effort to hide his tears.

“How is Marti taking this?”

“Not well.” I squeezed the bridge of my nose. “She saw the whole thing – she was in the kitchen and happened to look out the window. She went running out to try to save Jasmine.” I swallowed hard. “Marti always picks the damnedest names… It’s a good thing that Princess Kimba and Jad-bal-Ja got out at the same time. Otherwise…” I shuddered and swallowed again. Herendon’s pit bull had actually chewed a hole through the wood of the stockade fence that separated our yards. If the two adult cats hadn’t attacked him… I couldn’t bear to think what might have happened to my daughter. “Anyway, Marti couldn’t stop crying, and Jill’s taken her to see Dr. Sorensen.”

“I’m so sorry,” Dr. Morse repeated. “May I suggest a necropsy? It will come in handy if you decide to have the owner charged with negligence.”

I felt a hundred years old. “What will you do with the body afterwards?”

“We’ll cremate the remains and give you the ashes.”

“All right, then. You’ll let me know what you find and when I can pick them up?”

“Of course. And I’ll be willing to testify if you need me to, Mr. Matheson.”

“Thank you. Send me the bill, all right?”

“Go on home now.” She patted my shoulder. “Drive carefully.”

I drove home from the vet’s, Jar huddled against my side, shivering in the July heat. “What’s gonna happen to General Custer, Dad?”

“If Hugh Herendon has any sense of decency, he’ll have that dog put down.”

Jar’s laugh was bitter, too bitter for a fifteen-year-old. “He loves that dog more than Mrs. Herendon or Patricia. He’s not gonna let anything happen to him.”

“We’ll contact Animal Care and Control and let them deal with it, Jar.” I turned down our street.

He sat up abruptly. “Do you think Marti’s okay? Mom’s car isn’t here.”

“I’ll call Dr. Sorensen’s office as soon as we get inside.”

“Dad. There are two officers on the porch talking to Alice.”

“I see them.” What could they want? I pulled into the driveway, turned off the ignition, and got out of the car. “Can I help you?” The patches on their breast pockets read Animal Care and Control. Had Alice called them?

“I’m Officer Goodson and this is my partner, Officer Bennett. As we started to tell Mrs. Wainwright, we’re looking for Jill Matheson.”

“I’m Jack Matheson. My wife has taken our daughter to the doctor and hasn’t returned home as yet.”

“We understand she’s the owner of a pair of cats that attacked a neighbor’s dog without provocation. A complaint has been lodged against them.”

“Without provocation!” I scowled in the direction of the Herendon’s house. The curtains dropped quickly into place.

“That bastard!” Jar must have seen also. “There was provocation! The cats went after General Custer because he killed their kitten!”

“Oh?” Officer Goodson began taking notes.

“My daughter ran out into the backyard when she saw what that dog was doing to the kitten. That’s why my wife had to take her to the doctor. She couldn’t stop crying. If the cats hadn’t distracted that dog, I have no doubt he would have gone after my daughter next.”

“I see.” Officer Goodson exchanged glances with her partner. “You said the kitten was killed. We’re sorry for your loss. May we see the remains?”

“We’ve just come back from the vet’s. Dr. Morse.” I gave them the address and phone number. “She said she’d do a necropsy, so if you’d like to contact her…”

“Thank you, we’ll do that.” She closed her notepad and put it away. “Now, we’ve seen the pit bull, and if you don’t mind, we’d like to see the cats responsible for his injuries.”

“Of course. Alice?”

She frowned at them but stepped back to let them enter the house. “They’re in the living room.”

Princess Kimba and Jad-bal-Ja were curled tightly around each other on the couch. She made little moaning sounds, and he nuzzled her. 

“Yeah, a really dangerous pair.” Officer Goodson gave us her card. “We’ll contact Dr. Morse, and then let you know the outcome of our investigation. The fact that it was a pit bull… “ She shook her head. “We’ll be in touch.” 

About half an hour later, Jill returned with Marti. She parked her car behind mine, and I ran out to help her. I’d never seen her look so shaken.

I took our daughter from her arms and carried her up to her room. Together we got Marti into summer pajamas and into bed. The cats had followed us upstairs and lay against her. Jar stood watching from the doorway.

“Someone has to tell Wills,” Marti murmured, all trace of her natural exuberance gone.

“I’ll take care of it, munchkin. You just get some rest.”

“Thanks, Daddy. I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I couldn’t save Jasmine.”

“That wasn’t your fault, Martinique. I want you to remember that. The only person responsible for this is the man who owns General Custer.”

“Okay.” But Marti didn’t really believe me. I heard Jar’s breath hitch and turned to make sure he was okay. There was a forlorn air about him, and he wouldn’t meet my eyes. Did he feel he was to blame in some way?

“Mommy, stay with me?”

“Of course, munchkin. Just let me talk to Daddy for a minute, okay?”

We stepped out into the hall. “Will she be all right, Mom?”

“Yes, Jar. Dr. Sorensen gave her a sedative, and he thinks once she’s able to put some distance between what happened today, she’ll be fine.” She hugged him and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for going with Dad to the vet’s. Why don’t you go downstairs and help Alice get dinner ready?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“All right.” She turned back to me. “Jack, Jim also gave me the name of a psychologist we might want her to see, just in case.”  Our poor little girl. Jill’s eyes grew hard. “I want that dog put down.”

“So do I. Animal Care and Control was here earlier. We’ll let them handle it, okay?” I wasn’t going to tell her yet that it was because Herendon lodged a complaint against us. Once the officers saw what had been done to the kitten, I had no doubt they’d encourage us to file a counter-complaint.

“You’ll be able to take care of yourselves tonight? Jim said it might be a good idea for me to stay with Marti.”

“Don’t worry about us. I’ll call Wills and then bring a tray up for you both.”

“Thank you, darling Jack.” Jill brushed a kiss across my lips and went into Marti’s room, and Jar came downstairs with me. He sat on the couch, his shoulders slumped, while I called his brother. He was more disturbed by this than I’d realized. Maybe it would be a good idea for him to speak to the psychologist too.

The phone rang four times and then was picked up. “Wills…”

“Hi. You’ve reached the residence of Theo and Wills. We’re not here right now. Leave a message and we’ll get back to you.”

I sighed. “Wills, it’s Dad. Call me when you get this. Something’s happened. We’re okay, but… Call me, okay?”

I’d no sooner hung up then the phone rang.

“Dad, what’s wrong?” My son sounded out of breath.

I rubbed my upper lip hard to keep from breaking down. “We’ve had a problem here. The Herendons’ pit bull attacked the kitten that you and Theo were playing with on Memorial Day.”

“Jasmine? The little calico? Jesus. How bad, Dad?”

“She didn’t make it.”

“Dammit! How is Marti taking it?”

“Not well. Dr. Sorensen had to give her a sedative.” I went on to explain what had happened.

“Goddammit.” I’d never heard his voice so cold. “What can I do?”

“Nothing, son. Right now it’s in the hands of Animal Care and Control. I just wanted to let you know. I’m sorry we won’t be able to give you the kitten…”

“What?”

“She was your birthday present. It was supposed to be a surprise, but...”

“Don’t worry about it, Dad. How’s Jar?”

“He’s upset.”

“Is he there? Can I talk to him?”

“Sure. Hold on a second.” I put my hand over the receiver. “Jar, Wills wants to talk to you.”

For a second he looked scared, but then he squared his shoulders, rose, and took the phone from me.

“Wills?” His voice cracked for the first time since he’d reached puberty. “I… I should have been out there…”

I could hear the sibilance over the line, but I couldn’t distinguish my older son’s words. Relief flooded Jar’s face, and then determination.

“Okay. ... Okay, I will. Thanks, Wills. ... Yeah, I love you too. Do you want me to put Dad back on? ... Okay. Bye.” He handed the phone back to me. “I think I am a little hungry. I’m gonna go help Alice, Dad.”

“Okay, sport.” I watched him as he left the room. “Wills…”

“Dad, did Dr. Jim give you a referral to a psychologist?”

I stared at the phone in surprise. “Yes, he did. I was just thinking I’d make sure Jar saw him too.”

“Good. I was going to suggest that. And I told him if he wants to talk to me, he can call me on my cell anytime. If I’m at work, I’ll get back to him as soon as I can.”

“You’re a good brother, Wills.”

“I’ve had lots of good examples. Listen, Dad. You call me too if you need to talk.”

“I will, son. I’ll let you go now. I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault. Give my love to Jill and Marti and Alice. And to you too. Bye, Dad.”

“Bye, son.”

Part 9/End

I wondered who Herendon had in his back pocket. He was fined a hundred dollars. In spite of the numerous injuries the kitten had received, and since he hadn’t harmed Marti, General Custer was given a reprieve. He had to be muzzled whenever he left the house, even if it was just to do his business in the backyard, but he wouldn’t have to be euthanized.

Aside from her emotional value to us, Jasmine had been worth four hundred fifty dollars.

Herendon tried to approach me after the hearing. “Matheson…”

“Listen to me, Herendon. Keep that dog of yours away from my property line. I don’t care if you kennel him or run him on a tether. If he comes anywhere near my family, and that includes the cats and Dog Three, I swear to God I’ll shoot him! You got that?”

His mouth opened and closed several times, but nothing came out. Since he apparently had nothing else to say, I brushed past him and went home.

**

A few days later I opened the front door to find Herendon standing there. “Yeah?” I was in no mood to be polite.

His hands were fisted at his sides and his right eyelid twitched. “My dog is gone!”

“So?”

“He’s nowhere to be found, I tell you! I demand to know where he is!”

“How would I know?”

“Your family was the one that wanted him gone!”

“Problem, Dad?” Jar came up behind me. “Mr. Herendon. Have you shot your miserable excuse for a dog yet?”

“My dog is missing, young man!”

“Who gives a fuck?”

“Matheson! Are you going to stand there and let your son talk to his elders like that?”

“Yeah, I am. It was only by the action of his mother’s cats that his sister wasn’t savaged by your mutt.”

“General Custer is from championship stock!”

“Who gives a fuck?”

“I… I… You haven’t heard the last of this, Matheson!” With military precision, he turned on his heel and stormed off.

“Where do you think General Custer is, Dad?”

I shrugged. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Herendon got him out of town. He’s been getting the cold shoulder from all the neighbors since word got out about what his dog did.”

“You don’t think anything happened to General Custer?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care. That dog was a menace, and whether Herendon got rid of him or someone else did it for him, for the safety of the neighborhood, I’m glad that he’s gone.”

**

Marti had nightmares for a while, but talking with the psychologist helped. Jar went a few times too. To my surprise, Patrick was there for him, something I was positive Michael Shaw would never have done for Wills.

What helped even more was when we found out that Princess Kimba, who had taken over when Mary Poppins retired to live out the rest of her days in a life of ease, was pregnant.

“But Wills’s birthday is past.” Marti was still very subdued.

“I know, munchkin, but he said he wants one to give to Theo for Christmas.”

“Really?” That seemed to perk her up. “I like Theo. He really liked Jasmine!”

“But remember, it’s a surprise, so don’t say anything to him, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy!”

**

The seasons changed. Marti started sixth grade, and Jar was a sophomore in high school. Patrick was in the same homeroom class and was always at his side. Uneasily, I wondered if Jar might be gay. As much as Patrick’s actions after Jasmine had been killed impressed me, the possibility of having the Antichrist as a son-in-law still tied my insides up in knots.

Princess Kimba had a litter of three kittens, two chocolate silver males and a seal lynxpoint female. They thrived, and in spite of the fact that General Custer was gone, we always made sure one of us was with them when Princess Kimba and Jad-bal-Ja took them outside to explore the wide world of our backyard. Jill emailed pictures of them to Wills, and he chose the seal lynxpoint. She wasn’t show quality, as her two brothers were, but she’d make the perfect pet.

Before we knew it, it was October, and Halloween was right around the corner.

Jar announced he was going to the Halloween dance that would be held in his high school gym with the prettiest blonde in his class. “Tory’s going as Ginger Rogers, and I’m gonna be Fred Astaire.”

“Sounds interesting, Jar.” I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Yeah. Tory’s mom made her a pink gown that looks like the one Ginger wore in Top Hat. It’s all feathers and froufrou stuff.”

“Froufrou stuff?”

He shrugged. “That’s what Tory calls it. Uh… Dad? Can I borrow your tux?”

I couldn’t help laughing. “Sure, son.” He’d had another growth spurt over the summer, and the trousers would fit him pretty well, although he still needed to bulk up a little through the chest. “Will Da-” I cleared my throat. “Patrick be going?”

“Yeah. As Father Karras.”

“Father Karras?”

“From The Exorcist, Dad. And you know how his grandfather used to be a doctor? Well, Pat’s gonna borrow his black bag! He’s even gonna bring a vial of holy water to make it look even more authentic!”

“Uh… right. Does he have a date?”

“You bet! Most of the girls in school think he’s hot.” At my raised eyebrow, he gave a wry smile. “Well, you know how they can be about bad boys. He’s not really bad, Dad,” he hastened to assure me.

“Of course not, son.” Just a little misunderstood.

“Anyway, if Tory and I get serious, we’re gonna double date. What about you and Mom, Dad?”

I opened my eyes wide, unable to resist teasing him. “You want us to double date with you and Tory?”

“Dad.” He lightly whacked my arm. “You can be replaced by a kitten, you know.”

“I don’t think so, sport. A kitten doesn’t have a driver’s license, and neither do you right now.”

“C’mon, Dad. You know what I mean. What are you gonna dress up as?”

“I haven’t given it much thought.” As two of the chaperones, Jill and I would be at the dance. “Maybe a cowboy?”

An innocent expression filled my younger son’s face. It was too innocent, and I waited for him to retaliate to my teasing.

Jill came in just then, carrying a tray with the coffee things. Alice was right behind her with a plate of the cookies she always baked. Although Halloween was still a few weeks away, she was getting a jump on it, and cookies in the shape of pumpkins, cats, witches, and cauldrons were on the plate.

Jar took a cookie. “Too bad Wills and Theo are so far away. Wills could go as a construction worker and Theo could be a cop. And if Uncle Pete was here, he could wear his Marine uniform. And Dave could go as a biker.”

Jill started to laugh. “And they could all sing ‘Macho Man’?”

Jar snickered and the innocent look slipped.

“Daddy! Daddy! Look at me!” Marti came skipping down the stairs. She was wearing one of my shirts, which hung down to mid-calf and was spattered with paint and clay. “How do you like my costume, Daddy?”

“Very nice. You’re supposed to be an artist, right?”

“Yes! You’re so smart, Daddy!” She’d done an oil painting for Wills’s birthday of Jad-bal-Ja and Princess Kimba. Marti’s fifth-grade teacher had remarked on the quality of her artwork in class, and Jill and I were looking into getting her into a program to encourage her talent.

“I hope that was an old shirt, young lady?”

“Um…” She giggled and peeked up at me through her bangs.

It was good to hear her giggle. I pinched her chin and grinned at Jill. “What’s Mommy going as?”

“If Daddy is going as a cowboy, then Mommy is going as a cowgirl.”

“The King of the Cowboys and his Queen?”

“Of course.” The smile she gave me was sultry, and fortunately neither of our children noticed.

“What about you, Alice?” Marti asked as she took a witch and neatly bit off its head. “What will you dress up as for Halloween?”

Alice had always enjoyed taking the kids trick-or-treating, wearing a costume also as she took them up and down the streets of our neighborhood.

“Well, since your mom and dad are going as Roy Rogers and Dale Evans, I think I’ll go as Nelly Belle!”

“Huh?”

My jaw dropped. “The jeep, Alice?”

“Why not? All it will take is a few sheets of oak tag, some aluminum foil and plastic wrap, and a little paint.” She smiled at Marti. “You can help if you’d like.”

Marti bounced with excitement. “This is gonna be the best Halloween ever!”

**

Christmas Eve, and Wills paid Jill a flying visit in order to retrieve his gift to Theo, the seal lynxpoint kitten. I was at work, and Jar and Marti were out caroling with their scout troops. Wills promised that he and Theo would come visit some time after New Year, but work kept him from keeping that promise.

Valentine’s Day rolled around, and Presidents’ Day, and…

“Is this coffee stale?” Jill frowned down at her cup.

“It tastes fine to me.”

“And before you ask, the milk is fresh,” Alice said. “I bought a new container yesterday.”

“Well, I don’t understand…” Jill abruptly turned green and clapped a hand over her mouth. “’Scuse…” She bolted out of the room.

I rose and hurried after her. “Jilly, what’s…” I was dismayed to find her doubled over the toilet. I held her head, keeping her hair out of her face as she shuddered and vomited.

She finally straightened, and when she swayed, I slid an arm around her to steady her. “Sorry.”

I kissed her hair. “Don’t be silly.” I tore off some toilet paper and wiped her lips and dried her eyes. “Blow.”

Jill wobbled a bit as I helped her to the sink, and I tightened my hold on her. She rinsed out her mouth and patted some water over her cheeks.

“What’s going on, Jilly?”

“It’s nothing, probably a touch of stomach flu. You’d better stay away from me before you catch it too.”

“I’ll take my chances.” She looked washed out, and I scooped her into my arms and carried her upstairs to our bedroom at the front of the house.

“Jack, you don’t have to treat me like I’m made of spun glass. I’m fine.”

“Of course you are.” I sat her in the wing chair by the bay window. “Stay put,” I ordered, pressing lightly on her shoulders when she tried to rise.

She sank back down, swallowing convulsively. “I… I think that might be a good idea.”

That was when I got scared. I reached for the telephone and hit a number we’d had on speed dial since forever. “This is Jack Matheson. I want Dr. Sorensen to see my wife as soon as possible. Can you squeeze her in this morning?”

“Please hold while I check the schedule, Mr. Matheson.”

“Sure.”

“Jack, I can’t afford to be sick. I have to get Marti to school, and I’ve got lunch duty today.”

“After I’ve made your appointment, I’ll do that.”

“But you need to go to work.”

“I’ll call Jerry and tell him I’m taking the day off.” Jerry was my foreman. He was a good man, a steady worker.

“You never do that.”

“I own the business, sweet girl. What good is being the boss if I can’t take a day off now and then?”

Normally she would have come up with a killer of a rebuttal, but it became more and more evident she wasn’t feeling well enough to offer any kind of retort.

“Maybe seeing the doctor is a good idea.” She smiled wanly.

“Mr. Matheson?”

“Yes, I’m still here,” I said into the phone.

“The doctor will see your wife in half an hour, if you can bring her in then?”

“Sure, no problem. We’ll be there. Thanks a lot.” I hung up the phone and went to the dresser, taking out clothes and laying them on the bed – camisole and panties, a sweater and a pair of jeans, and thick socks to keep her feet warm. I knelt down and slid the socks over her toes. “Half an hour, Jilly. Do you need help getting dressed?”

“I’m not a baby,” she fussed. “But if you take me to the doctor, you’ll never get Marti to school on time.”

“Don’t worry about it, just get dressed. I’ll ask Alice to drive her.”

“Jar…”

“He’s been catching the bus on his own since he was thirteen. Are you okay; are you sure you don’t need help getting dressed?” She shook her head, but I wasn’t too sure I believed her. “I’ll get the car out and start the heater, and be back before you can miss me.” I was out of the room before she could object, if she was going to object.

“Alice, Jill isn’t feeling well, and I’m going to take her to the doctor. Would you mind driving Marti to school?”

“Not a problem, Jack. It’s about time she went to see the doctor.”

“How long has this been going on?”

“A couple of weeks now, that I’ve been aware.”

“‘That you’ve been…” I felt cold. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t I notice?”

“You’re usually at work when it hits. Jill’s sure it’s the flu.”

 

“But you don’t think so.”

“No.” She met my eyes. “I wasn’t as certain as she was that she’s starting menopause.”

“Menopause? Jesus, she’s only thirty-eight!”

“That’s what I said.” She smiled. “I’d better hurry Marti along.” She left me standing there, feeling as if I’d been hit by an eighteen-wheeler. Was she saying what I thought she was saying?

I’d stopped using condoms once we’d decided to get pregnant, and after Marti had been born, we just never went back to them. There were no more pregnancies, but we’d been content with the size of our family.

Still, after almost eleven years… I shook my head. No, another baby wasn’t likely. I grabbed the keys to the SUV that had been Jill’s Christmas present to me, ran out to the garage, and turned on the engine.

By the time I went back in the house to get Jill, the car was toasty warm.

“I… I thought it might be a good idea if I took this.” She held up doubled plastic bags from Whole Foods Market and smiled wanly. “Just in case.”

“Okay.” I helped her on with her coat and hustled her out to the car. I didn’t break any speed limits getting to the doctor’s office, wanting Jill to arrive safely, but I pushed it.

The receptionist sent Jill back as soon as we walked in. I picked up a Better Homes and Gardens magazine, sat down, and thumbed through it, not taking in a word I read.

I shot a glance toward the examining rooms. It shouldn’t take Jim this long to diagnose the flu. People began coming into the office, and we all waited.

Finally, Jim came out and looked around. “I’m sorry I’ve kept you all waiting. Mrs. Peabody, would you bring Joey into Room 2? I’ll be with you shortly. Jack, if you’ll come into my office?”

Jill was sitting beside his desk looking dazed, and my gut clenched.

“What is it, Jim?”

“I can tell you what it isn’t, and that’s a stomach bug. I’ve already congratulated Jill. Congratulations, Jack. In about six months you’ll be having a baby.”

“Jill!” I dropped to my knees beside her and held her. “And she’s okay, Jim?”

“She’s fine. You’ll want to make an appointment to see your Obgyn – you see Dr. White, don’t you? I don’t know how long it will take before you can see her, so I’ll prescribe something in the meantime for the morning sickness, and I’m sure she’ll want you to take a multivitamin also.” He sat down behind his desk, pulled out a pad, and began writing. “In a couple of months Dr. White will most likely do an amnio to screen out birth defects, and if you like, she’ll tell you the baby’s sex.”

“No need for that, Jim. He’ll be a boy.” Jill was flushed and smiling and teary-eyed. She clung to my hand.

“Well, perhaps. There seem to be a surfeit of males in the Matheson family. And speaking of boys, how’s Wills?”

“He’s doing well. He’s been busy with work, but we saw him over the Memorial Day weekend last year.”

“His kidney giving him any problems?”

“Not that he’s told us.”

“I hope he isn’t taking any twinges for granted. I don’t know why they…” He frowned and shook his head. “Oh, well. Is he still in DC? Has he found anyone?”

“Yes and yes.”

“Ah.” His expression lightened. “Do I hear the sound of wedding bells?”

“I don’t think so. Same-sex marriages aren’t legal.”

“Same-sex… Oh. Oh, I see.”

“Is that a problem for you, Jim?”

“Don’t be an idiot, Jack. Just give him a bit of advice from me? Tell him to make sure he practices safe sex.”

“Thanks, Jim. You’re a good friend.”

“How are you with this?”

“I’m okay. Well, you know about Pete, so it’s not like we’re unfamiliar with this.”

“But something is bothering you.”

“Children.” I sighed. There would never be any grandchildren with my first wife’s features. And my son would never know the joy of seeing his own children grow to adulthood and have children of their own. I rose to my feet.

Jim came around the desk and griped my arm. “If he and his partner ever decide they want kids, maybe I can do something, pull some strings or something.” The intercom on his desk buzzed. “Yes?”

“I’m sorry to disturb you, Dr. Jim.” It was his receptionist. “Joey Peabody is getting a little antsy.”

“Thanks, Penny. I’ll be right there.” He handed Jill the scripts.

“Are there any restrictions for Jill?” I remembered the problems that Sophia had had.

“Dr. White will let you know, but right now I’d say just use common sense. Oh, and I don’t want you changing the litter pans, Jill.”

“Toxoplasmosis. Right. I remember with both JR and Marti. I’ll be careful.”

“Okay. Congratulations again, and give Wills and his friend my best.”

“Thanks, Jim. And thanks for seeing Jill on such short notice.”

“It’s my job.” He grinned and shook our hands, and we walked out of his office.

**

The phone barely rang once the next morning before I scooped it up. Jill was sleeping in.

“Matheson residence.”

“Dad, what are you doing home? Is everything okay?”

“And good morning to you, William.”

“Sorry, Dad. Good morning.”

“And in answer to your question, I decided to take the day off. I’m the boss. I can do that, you know.” I wasn’t going to tell him about the baby, not yet. Both Jill’s pregnancies has gone smoothly, but I couldn’t help worrying, remembering how hard it had been for his mother. “It’s good to hear from you, son. How are you and Theo doing?”

“We’re both good. He sends his best.”

“Tell him I said ‘hi’.”

“I will. How is everyone at home?”

“They’re fine. Alice is driving Marti to school, Jar’s outside waiting at the bus stop, and Jill’s decided to laze around the house today.”

“Ah.” There was a smile in his voice. “Did I call at a bad time, Dad? Are you and Jill both gonna be ‘lazing around the house’ together?”

“Don’t be a smartass. Actually, I was just about to have another cup of coffee. So, to what do I owe the pleasure of this call? Not that I’m complaining, but it is early in the day to hear from my number one son.”

“I need some advice, Dad.” He didn’t sound upset, so I assumed things were going well with Theo.

“You know I’ll help in any way I can.”

“What do you give someone for your first anniversary?”

“Well, I gave your mother… Just a second. I thought you didn’t move in with Theo until after Memorial Day.”

“That’s right.”

“Isn’t it a little early to be making plans for your first anniversary? You’ve got at least three months.”

“Actually, it’s a little more than a month. It’ll be a year since we… uh… met.”

I was surprised to find my son such a romantic. Then I remembered my time with Sophia and realized he was actually a chip off the old block.

“So what do I give him? Theo’s given me so much, he’s spent so much.”

It could be difficult to accept such lavish gifts. We hadn’t managed a visit to DC yet to see where Wills was living now – we had planned something for spring break, although now with Jill pregnant, I wasn’t so sure. She wouldn’t be able to fly, and driving was out of the question – but I understood from my brother Pete that Theo had furnished an office for my son, buying everything except the computer. I smiled wryly when I remembered my fears that Theo might be a gold digger.

“For Valentine’s Day he gave me a gold chain with a Virgo charm, while all I gave him was a box of Godiva chocolates. I want to give him something special.”

“You already have, Wills. You’ve given him your heart.”

He cleared his throat, and I could almost see him blushing. “What did you give Jill for your first anniversary?”

“Don’t your remember, sport? Mary Poppins and Willie Wonka.” I’d called Dr. Ingram, Jill’s professor from UC Berkeley, and made arrangements to purchase a pair of American Bobtails.

“Was that for your anniversary? How could I forget? It took a while for Twoey to get used to them.” There was laughter in his voice. The two kittens had adopted her right off the bat, but Dog Two had been at a loss, until she finally must have decided they were just two very odd-looking puppies. “Jill was surprised, wasn’t she?”

“She was that.” And so happy.

“See, now that was really clever. What about Mom?”

“I gave your mother flowers when we’d been dating a week, a month…”

“A year?”

“No. I gave her an engagement ring then.” I smiled at the memory.

“Hmmm. You went the whole route, didn’t you Dad?”

“Yes. I asked her father for permission, went down on one knee…”

“Down on one knee?” he repeated. “Interesting. Did you do the same thing for Jill, Dad?”

My sweet girl… “We didn’t date as long. My first gift to her was a wedding ring.” It was my turn to clear my throat. “I’m sure you didn’t call to hear me reminisce about the women I’ve loved.”

“I always love hearing you talk about the olden times, Dad.”

“Watch it, smart guy. You can be replaced by a puppy.”

“By a kitten, you mean.”

“Now you’re sounding like Jar.”

He chuckled then sighed. “Come on, Dad. I need a little help here. I’m really not sure what to give Theo. I do like the idea of flowers, but I’m afraid that’s kind of… I dunno… girl-y?”

“And Theo isn’t a girl.” I couldn’t help smiling.

“No.”

“You know him better than I do. What do you think he’d like?”

“I know it sounds corny, but he’d like anything I gave him. At least that’s what he’d tell me.” He sighed. “I guess I’m on my own with this.”

“I guess you are, son. I would suggest one thing, though. Give some thought to what you write on the card. That might wind up meaning more to him than whatever you give him.”

“I remembered you doing that for Mom and for Jill, and I already do. Don’t tell Theo I told you this, but he gets all choked up by what I put in his cards.” He sounded pleased as punch about that.

“That’s my boy. When are you coming up again?”

“I have some time off around Easter. We’ll fly up early and help color eggs.”

Jill’s pregnancy should be far enough along that it would be safe to start telling everyone. So far, Alice was the only one who knew.

“That will be good. Your brother and sister will be home from school, and they’ll love that. They miss you, son. We all do. They’re still ticked you couldn’t see them at Christmas.”

“I’d have liked to, but work, Dad. You know how it is.”

“Sure. We’ll look forward to seeing you.”

“Us too. I’ll book the flight and let you know what day we’ll be coming in.”

“Great.”

“Dad. Thank you.”

“What for, son? I didn’t help much.”

“Not about the gift for Theo. For accepting him, for accepting that he’s an important part of my life.”

“You’re my son, and I want to see you happy.”

“Th-” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “Thanks, Dad. We’ll see you in April, then. I’ve got to run, they’re calling my flight.” The company he worked for did send him all over the country. “Give my love to everyone and tell them I said ‘hi.’”

“Sure. Wills?”

“Yes, Dad?”

“I love you.”

“I…” I could hear him swallow over the line. “I love you too, Dad. Bye.”

“Bye, son.” There was a click and then the dial tone hummed in my ear.

I hung up, then went to mark the week before and after Easter with a big red circle. My boy… both my boys would be coming home.

~End~