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Back in the Sixth Grade, yours truly was a naive youth, who would buy an album because either an older kid or Beavis and Butthead told me it was cool.  This was the case when I purchased Anthrax's "The Sound of White Noise".  I got it as part of a Columbia House deal which basically started my CD collection, so I suppose you could say it was one of the first CD's I ever bought.  Oh man.  This being the MFO and all you've probably already guessed that I'm not gonna say that this album is very good......you're right.  If this album was an NBA team it'd be the Clippers.  Always sucked, always will.

    Okay, fine, Anthrax is a pretty rockin' band, I mean they are friends with Metallica and they did collaborate with Public Enemy and that song "Got the Time" is pretty fucking awesome.  Also, they're named after a crazy ass disease that sounds really cool.  But then there's this shitty album called "Sound of White Noise" that basically erases all good things that Anthrax has ever done.

    If you're a huge heavy metal guy, you'd probably like this album; then again you're probably the same guy who got mad at Dr. Doom for making fun of Vinnie Vincent at a KISS convention.
DOOM: HAHAH a Vinnie Vincent album
METAL FAG: Hey man! Vinnie rocks!

 
No Vinnie does not rock.  He's a strange little reptillian like man who occasionally looks like a woman and got kicked out of KISS after one album for doing something "indecent".  Our guess is he either had sex with an underaged girl or put ice cream on his ass and had a dog lick it off while singing KISS' "Lick it Up" a song for which he played guitar on.

"I did lick Ice Cream off Vinnie's ass at my birthday party.  I like ice cream and ass. BARK"
    This album loses you right off the bat and doesn't stop sucking.  I remember the song "Black Lodge" getting some attention way back and it was the only song I recognized when I got the album.  But the song blows deer so forget that man.  It's the slowest song on the album and I suppose it is a nice change from the crappy metal, but it's really nothing special at all.  Whoa remember in Terminator 2 when all that mercury started melting an T 1000 came back! Holy fuck that movie is awesome! And when Arnold had that mini gun at CyberDyne but he didn't kill anyone cause John Connor told him not to! I'm going to watch Terminator 2 beofre I finish this article about what's their faces.

 

A cyborg know as a "Terminator" is sent back
through time to protect young John Connor...


 
 

JC - "Wow my own Terminator! Can we go listen to Anthrax now?"

T - "Data does not compute; Anthrax licks sack.  Chill out"
 
JC -"Hey man you have to do what I say.  I wanna listen to Anthrax.  Just go ask my psycho mom or that friend of mine with the red mullet and the nose that looks like a cock."

T - "You are a little fucker. Dickweed"
T - "So I came here so your son can listen to Anthrax?"

SC - "Yes they rock.  That song Black Lodge is beautiful and I'm really strong."
 
 

 

T - "Identify: Crazy bitch who likes Anthrax: TERMINATE"
SC - "ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH"
 
 

T1000 - "Anthrax is underated.  They just haven't gotten the mainstream success they deserve"
A - "Ya man it's the critics man, the critics, ya! Get him T1000, do what we said!"
 
 
 
A - "Ohhhhh naked man.  We like that cause we're gay and all"
T - "My robot balls are chilly"
 
 
 

Fin.

Ahhhhh that's better.  There's a lesson here: If you have 20 bucks lying around, go buy T2, and not Anthrax. Now I have talk about these shitty songs more.
    The next song is called C11 H17 N2 O2 S Na as in some sort of chemical.  I would take the time to look this up and see what chemical it was if I wasn't so lazy, and if I cared, but I don't.  And for all you chemists out there don't be all like "that's so obvious, it's an ether poly-peptide you moron" because I took OAC chemisrty and anyone who retained any knowledge from that class is either an android, a 		 I'd  only suggest buying this album if:

A) You somehow really like Anthrax right now, yet even still you'll probably be disapointed
B) You're rich and you want to play frisbee
C) You're rich and you want a coaster
D) You have a friend who you don't like and you want to piss them off at their birthday party
E) You're gay
F) You're deaf
cocksucker or some sort of tool who makes regular joes like me look retarded.   My guess is that it's the chemical compound for osterich feces because if osterich feces made a song, this is what it would sound like.  And we all know that a piece of shit can't play guitar.   This is a song for chemistry teachers when they want to make learning fun, or for regular guys who want their dicks to shrink  We all know that if a teacher tries to incorporate anything into school, it's automatically deemed uncool because threre's always a "lesson" involved.  Like if a teacher brought in Ice Cube, sipping a forty while listening to Van Halen, surrounded by numerous booby women, it'd be cool at first but then the teacher would be all like "What is a metaphor for this situation?" then Ice Cube would be all like "Metaphor? Bitch you be trippin'!" Then he'd kick some ass and save the day and we'd all party and he'd give us money.  I guess my point here is that no one under 22 thinks Anthrax is cool nowadays and this song sucks as much as all the other ones.  Oh wait, if you're 22 and you like Anthrax you don't have any friends and you enjoy model trains.  By the way when was the last time you heard Anthrax on the radio?
   
    I could go through the rest of the songs one by one and tell you how bad they are, but there'd be no point because they all sound the same.  It's like a puddle of bad metal.  Now I'll admit I'd rather listen to this album than like a million others out there today, but compared with all the other cool stuff Anthrax has done, this album blows. 
    Why would Anthrax name their shittiest album the Sound of White Noise?  That's one of the most annoying sounds on earth.  They probably thought it'd be "metal" like naming your album "The Feeling of Getting you're Face Kicked in" only that sounds a lot cooler.  But this title could be beneficial because if you're grandma is out buying you a CD for your birthday, she'll see this one and be like "That sounds awful, first off all Anthrax is a deadly disease, second I don't think my grandchild will want to hear white noise.  My back hurts, I need some prunes."  Okay so she probably wouldn't say that and she'd probably buy you O-Town before she even got to the rock section, but this a lesson to ask for money for your birthday or tell grandma what you want before you end up with an Alouettes hat, a set of "neat" pens and an Aaron Carter CD.