I'd like to tell you all a story.  And unfortunately you can't stop me.  Don't even think about hitting back on your browser either, cuz I'm watching you.  Right now, you can't see me but I can see you.  I see everything, so don't jerk me around.  Got it?  This particular story takes place on Thursday, June 14th, yes that's right New Beer Thursday.  On this night I was drinking a combination of Grolsch and Budweisers.  Now I know what you're thinking, Bud is in no way a "new" beer, that we should be putting on here.  But you see, I already had a fridge full of Buds and I didn't feel like laying down all that extra dough just to please you jerks.

 
 

Well we've  got Grolsch or you could just suck on  a skunk's ass.

I sampled some Grolsch and used the Bud's to get myself nicely drunk.  First thing about Grolsch, skunk city.  Some of you may not understand our way of beer classification, so here's the lowdown.  There's good beer that just tastes plain wonderful, there's skunky beer which may taste alright but feels like it's been bathed in by skunk (depending on the strength of its skunkness) and lastly there's bacon beer.  Don't even get me started on bacon beer.  To hear more about bacon beer go read Vampireface's beer review for this week, he got king bacon in a bottle.     So the Grolsch tasted skunky, I was disappointed.  I was expecting some fancy tasty European beer and I certainly did not get that.  I had heard a couple good things about Grolsch too, namely, "That beer is good.", "I like Grolsch and then sticking the bottle up my ass."  You'd think the second part of that last comment would've clued me in to not take this guy seriously but I suppose I wasn't thinking straight. (Little pun for ya...hahaha.........FUCK OFF!)

    By the time I got to my Grolsch I already had ingested a few Bud's so I was feeling good, but I took a few swigs of the Grolsch and in the blink of an eye I felt like shit.  It completely threw off my groove and I had to take a breather to let all that skunk settle.  IT ACTUALLY MADE ME STOP DRINKING.  FOR MINUTES!!! MINUTES I TELL YOU!!!  With advice from the good Doctor, I switched back to Bud and leave the Grolsch for the end when I couldn't taste it anyways.  When I got back to the Grolsch, I was as you might say 'Drunker' and I didn't want to taste it so I chugged the 500ml bottle I had left and called it a night for my friend booze.  If anyone is still reading this incoherent ramble listen to these words, you can get much better beer for much cheaper, don't get Grolsch.  It has a fancy bottle that I'm sure you'd love to shove up your ass, but it ain't worth it friend.
 
 

And that was when the night got really interesting.

    Ron Jobi shows up to the Doom residence, chills for a while, then he tells me that we're going to go cause some ancient Philipino style shit at the old high school.  Being drunk and rowdy I jump at the chance while Doom and Vampireface pussy out.  In Doom's respect he was already home and had already caused shit that week.  Old vamps on the other hand had no excuse, so I stole his stupid carrot and poked him in the eye with it.  He galloped home crying and the rest of us laughed.
 
 

Our mission on this night was to break into the high school cafeteria, take all the furniture, move it out onto the field and set it up like it was originally set up in the caf.  Now I know this isn't the best grad prank ever and at first I thought it was kinda stupid too, but no one else had anything better planned and we're sick of stupid grad pranks consisting of merely breaking things.  Smashing stuff is fun don't get me wrong, but for a grad prank you want to do something funny and thought provoking.  Breaking stuff just makes people pissed off and will lower peoples opinions of an entire class.  It was our decision that we're better than the dumb fucks who break whatever they can and call it a prank, when that's more vandalism, and I'm all for vandalism, I've vandalized plenty o' shit in my day, I just don't like vandalism that claims to be a prank.  Fuck, you uncreative pussies.

    So Ron Jobi and I get to the school at 12:30 and meet a few of the other boys that're waiting for us.  Upon greeting I go to take a swig of a friends bottle of water and realized it's filled with the strongest mix of vodka rhum and seemingly whatever this guy could get his hands on.  Being already drunk and taking a large drink of that wasn't a good move and came into play later in the night.  So the guys tell me they need to get inside the school and since they didn't leave any windows open could I, being a ghost and all, phase in and let a couple other guys in too.  After making fun of them for being so inferior to me I did what was asked and four us were in the school in the middle of the night.  That was a pretty cool feeling, being in there when it was all dark and locked up.  So I started to whip chairs at the wall. weeeeee. It was good times.  The four of us got all the chairs out of the way and the tables up against the doors in no time and that was when we opened the doors and started the mad rush of getting everything out onto the field.  It must've been a funny site, all these guys running in, coming out with tables, lining them up on the field and running back in to get more.  We had the whole operation done in about a half hour which is pretty damn good.  Upon completion we decided to chill at our new outdoor caf and take some pictures of ourselves victorious, unfortunately the pictures came back and I'm just a cloud of mist in front of the camera. oh well.  At this point Ron Jobi and I remember that on our way we had found a huge broken ass tv which we deposited at the front of the school, we were planning to add it to the entrance, you know, to give it some elegance.  So we ran out to the front to get the TV and lug that heavy bastard up and place it right in a good spot.  Then Ron Jobi decided to head back to the group, but I realized that there were real estate signs laying all over the lawn from a previous nights prank.  I thought "Damn, I should stick these badboys back up" and I did.  I spent about 10 minutes arranging all the signs in what I thought was the most decoratively pleasing fashion and ran back to the field.  Nobody had mentioned to me that as I was putting the signs in the cops were on the way.  I get onto the field and everyone was gone.  I look around and see about 4 cop cars speeding in from two different directions, one being where I was a mere 15 seconds earlier.  And that's when the blood starts pumping.  I took off as fast as I could, across the field to the cover of some trees and then along the trees to the cat walk where everyone no doubt would be.  As I reach the cat walk though I hear some various screams something like "OH FUCK!" and I decide to keep on running.  I ran up along the trees some more until I reached the forested area and came to a small path that led in.  This was when I realized that running wasn't fun and I was tired as hell.  I had to slow down for two reasons:

1) I was tired from running
2) I was walking through a forest in complete darkness

I stumbled my way along and tried to keep my breathing as quiet as I could to listen for footsteps around me.  It was quite an accomplishment to make it through that forest I tell you.  I walked into several different trees and I had to jump a stream which was rather tricky.  Somehow I made my way out of the forest into the hydro field and luckily I didn't see any big ass cops with flashlights or dogs.  If they had dogs I would've been so fucked.  I started to run again, up to the street where good old Ron Jobi had parked his car.  You see I was thinking ahead and I knew that chances were we'd have to go through the hydro's to get to the car, so I got him to park close.  As I ran up to the car I found Ron Jobi walking in my direction, I proceeded to yell go go go or something along those lines and we both jumped in and sped away to safety.

I just love the way these new cop pants make my ass look and they feel great in the testicle area as well.

     As all good nights end with a bang, mine certainly wasn't one to break the trend.  When we dropped off the third member of our car party I got out to get some water from his house and whether it was all the running or perhaps all the beer, or perhaps both, caused me to barf on his lawn.  Sorry buddy, but moreso thank you.  For a wonderful evening.     NG