Name: VampireFace

Real Name: Col. Larry Fitzgerald Edwinson IV

Home: Flin Flon, Manitoba

Arch Enemies: Secretariat, Lee Majors, "Oil Can" Boyd, The Hitachi Corporation, The National Football League

Pet Peeves: Movies about trucks, those fucking straw glasses that look like glasses but are straws, cock noses who ask "Are you really a vampire horse?" Of course I am you lovers of ball sack!  And Peter Klima’s helmet (does it not look like a garbage can folks or what?)

Hobbies: Riding into the sunset, killing stupid horses then sucking their blood and stuff, writing for TIME Magazine, making fun of Doom and calling him "Steel Nuts" and buying sweaters then returning them and saying they don’t fit! Ahahahahahaha!!!

I am a vampire horse who likes web pages.  Occasionally I use my wizard powers to turn into a human and ride other horses and make them run fast then calling them stupid and teasing them with carrots.  One day I met these three tools named Doom, Neon Ghost and Ron Jobi.  I told them to go to hell and then I kicked all their asses and I made them make me a web page and then I got them to give me money.  Ever since then they feed me oats until I get fat then they brush my healthy mane and then I go and I suck blood and if you don’t like it then you can go climb an oak tree and play with your genitals.

Just listen to what the Hartford Whaler’s Frank Pietrangelo had to say about me:

"VampireFace is the best at everything and I suck compared to him.  One time he scored a million goals against me then he did a lot of chicks."

Ya so that’s me I hope you enjoy yourself here.  Grab some corn and read on...