What if the Egyptians of the Exodus had Palestinian PR?

I have to comment that this analogy, though clever, is not 100% accurate. I'll put some comments at the bottom. -BF
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-"If the Passover Story Were Reported by The New York Times or CNN" by

The cycle of violence between the Jews and the Egyptians continues with

no end in sight in Egypt. After eight previous plagues that have

destroyed the Egyptian infrastructure and disrupted the lives of

ordinary Egyptian citizens, the Jews launched a new offensive this week

Western journalists were particularly enraged by this plague. "It is

simply impossible to report when you can't see an inch in front of you,"

complained a frustrated Andrea Koppel of CNN. "I have heard from my

reliable Egyptian contacts that in the midst of the blanket of

blackness, the Jews were annihilating thousands of Egyptians, it's a

massacre. Their word is solid enough evidence for me."

While the Jews contend that the plagues are justified given the harsh

slavery imposed upon them by the Egyptians, Pharaoh, the Egyptian

leader, rebuts this claim. "If only the plagues would let up, there

would be no slavery. We just want to live plague-free. It is the right

Saeb Erekat, an Egyptian spokesperson, complains that slavery is

justifiable given the Jews' superior weaponry supplied to them by the

The Europeans are particularly enraged by the latest Jewish offensive.

"The Jewish aggression must cease if there is to be peace in the region.

The Jews should go back to slavery for the good of the rest of the

world," stated an angry French President Jacques Chirac.

Even several Jews agree. Adam Shapiro, a Jew, has barricaded himself

within Pharaoh's chambers to protect Pharaoh from what is feared will be

the next plague, the death of the firstborn. Mr. Shapiro claims that

while slavery is not necessarily a good thing, it is the product of the

plagues and when the plagues end, so will the slavery. "The Jews have

gone too far with plagues such as locusts and epidemic which have

virtually destroyed the Egyptian economy," Mr. Shapiro laments. "The

Egyptians are really a very nice people and Pharaoh is kind of huggable

The United States is demanding that Moses and Aaron, the Jewish leaders,

continue to negotiate with Pharaoh. While Moses points out that Pharaoh

had made promise after promise to free the Jewish people only to

immediately break them and thereafter impose harsher and harsher

slavery, Richard Boucher of the State Department assails the latest

offensive. "Pharaoh is not in complete control of the taskmasters," Mr.

Boucher states. "The Jews must return to the negotiating table and will

The latest round of violence comes in the face of a bold new Saudi peace

overture. If only the Jews will give up their language, change their

names to Egyptian names and cease having male children, the Arab nations

will incline toward peace with them, Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah

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My Comments:
1) The plagues of the Exodus were intended to show off God's might more than to free the slaves, according to the narrative. The Israeli attacks are intended to route out terrorism by killing terrorists and hindering their communications.

2) The problem with relying on Palestinian reports of Israeli abuses is not just the heavy reliance on it versus Israeli explanations, but that the reports themselves are often unsubstantiated rumors.

3) Whereas the Palestinian violence is intended to destroy Israeli morale and eventually Israel, slavery's intent was merely to prevent the uprising of the Israelite minority against their masters. The balance of power and intent is not precisely parallel. But I agree with the ridiculousness of the claim that Israeli counter-measures are the stimulus of the violence, since clearly the violence continues in areas not 'oppressed' and in times when Palestinians were not 'oppressed' by Jews, unless oppression is defined by Israel winning the territory from other nations in wars of self-defense and then administering and investing in it.

4) The claim regarding 'Pharaoh's ability to control the taskmasters is insightful. Either Arafat is in charge of the terrorists and can control them or 'the people speak with their own voice about their oppression'. He can't have it both ways. Israel can't negotiate with Arafat if he has nothing to offer in controlling the violence.

5) The Saudi plan merely sought to destroy the Jewish nature of Israel and erase post-1967 history by returning borders to the unnatural cease-fire lines and letting hordes of possible militants return to Israel proper.