WHAT GETS SHOVELED ALMOST AS IMPORTANT AS WHO IS SHOVELING

By Mike Royko
Web-posted Friday, January 17, 1997; 6:01 a.m. CST

So out of the blue, this guy Dave calls from Elgin and says he wants to tell us about how goofy people can be.

He has this strapping son, Jeff, 20, who has more energy than he can use up in his pizza parlor job.

When the big snow hit a couple of days ago, Jeff grabbed a shovel and went out to clear his father's sidewalk and driveway.

It was cold, but the fresh snow made it a lovely winter evening to be outdoors. So when Jeff finished his dad's property, he decided to just keep going. Why not? Shoveling snow is cheaper than working out at a health club.

So he went down the street, shoveling one driveway after another.

"He was doing it for nothing," his father said. "If they wanted to give him something, fine. But he wasn't asking for money. He was doing it because he wanted to do it. That's the kind of kid he is.

"Before he was finished, he did 27 driveways. He was all the way down in the next block. That's right. Twenty-seven driveways, all by himself and he wasn't asking for anything.

"Finally, he came to this one house and he was shoveling away and this guy opens the front door and says: `What the hell are you doing?'

"So Jeff says, `I'm shoveling your driveway, that's what I'm doing.'

"The guy said, `I'm not going to pay you. I didn't ask you to do it, so I'm not going to pay you.'

"So Jeff says, `That's OK, I didn't ask you to pay me. You don't have to pay me.'

"The guy says, `Oh, yeah? Well don't forget to get the stuff by the garage. But I'm not going to pay you.'

"So just when Jeff is finishing the guy's driveway, he opens the door again and tells Jeff to get off his property.

"OK, so he leaves the guy's driveway and he goes to the next one and starts shoveling.

"All of a sudden a police car pulls up. And the cop gets out and asks him what he's doing. He says he's shoveling driveways.

"They tell him he's trespassing on other people's property and that he should stop. They tell him to go home and get drunk or something.

"Isn't that something? He's out there clearing off people's driveways just to do them a favor. And somebody calls the cops on him. What's wrong with people?"

It was a strange reaction, all right.

But where is Jeff? For the story, it would be better if he told what happened in his own words.

"Well," Dave the father said, "I don't know. You see, he doesn't like the media."

Doesn't like the media? What, is he running for president or something? This is about shoveling snow. And you called us, we didn't call you.

So Dave the dad said he would ask his son if he would consent to have a few words with us.

Jeff finally came on the phone and confirmed what his father had said.

"I don't think it is amusing at all," he said. "Most people appreciate it when you do something good for them.

"A lot of the people in this neighborhood are elderly, and they don't want to go out and shovel when it is almost zero weather.

"So I thought I'd take care of it for them. I thought I would do them a favor, but apparently it wasn't appreciated by some of them.

"I'm not sure which of them called the police. I don't blame the police. They told me that when someone wants you off their property, you have to get off, even though you are just trying to do them a favor.

"But I don't want any media exposure on this. I didn't do this to get media exposure. I don't want my name in the paper."

OK, how about if we use only your first name? In a story such as this, names aren't as important as gaining an insight into the dark side of human nature.

"No, not even my first name. I'll tell you what. You can use my middle name."

Actually, we could use my middle name. Who would know?

"But remember, I don't want my name in the media. If my name is used, I will call my lawyer."

Your lawyer?

"Right."

How about that? Here I am, closing in on Medicare age, and I don't have a lawyer to call my own.

If I had to call one, I'd call "a lawyer." But I couldn't call "my lawyer" because I don't have a lawyer I can call my lawyer.

But here is Jeff, age 20, working in a pizza parlor, and at the drop of a snowflake, he is ready to call his lawyer.

After Jeff and his dad clicked off, we called the Elgin police to see who called and complained about their driveway being shoveled.

The cops said they hadn't had any calls of that nature in that part of town.

Anyway, I'm glad Dave the dad called to let me know how goofy people can be.

I'm not sure he realizes how right he is about that.

© 1996 Chicago Tribune