Movie was mild compared with X-rated couple

Web-posted: Thursday, January 23, 1997

ctually, it comes down to a question of etiquette: How one properly handles an uncomfortable social situation.

The situation was this: Cari Hicks, 14, and two teenage friends had gone to see a movie at a Sony Theater in Streamwood.

"We ended up seeing Beavis and Butt-head because we went to see something else and couldn't get in.

"The theater was really crowded. We were sitting in the middle, and there was this couple sitting in front of us.

"At first, we didn't notice what they were doing. It started out gradually and it looked like they were just making out, and we didn't care because we're all in high school.

"We didn't like the movie and we were all talking, so we weren't paying much attention to them.

"Then my friend realized that making out wasn't all they were doing. They had their coats over them so you couldn't completely tell, but they were pretty much naked.

"And they were having sex, right there in the middle of the movie theater.

"They were in their 30s, and they didn't seem embarrassed. We were all disgusted. We said: `Eeeuuuow.' ''

Because they were talking, a man behind them leaned forward and suggested that they shut up.

Then he, too, noticed the thrashing movements of the couple and said: "What are they doing?''

The teenagers said: "What does it look like they're doing?''

And he, too, said something like: "Eeuuuow.''

The question is, what do you do in a situation like that? You can't exactly lean forward and tap one of them on the shoulder. You could, but in the darkness, you couldn't be sure where you were tapping.

And even after you tapped them somewhere, what do you say? Possibly: "Excuse us, but your behavior is a distraction, and we don't approve of it on general moral grounds.''

Unfortunately, people who get almost naked and have sex in the middle of a crowded theater are probably indifferent to public opinion.

Besides, they might say: "Well, you have been jabbering throughout the movie, and that disturbs us, so why don't you clam up?''

And they would have a point.

I would like to think that this is another example of the decline and fall of civilized behavior in our society.

But in truth, this isn't an entirely new problem for movie theaters and audiences.

As a lad, I worked as an usher at the Marshall Square Theater on Cermak Road and later downtown at the Chicago Theater.

At both places, we occasionally had to deal with people who were overcome with uncontrollable love or lust, although it was usually limited to vigorous groping or pawing and seldom a full display of unclad whatchamacallit.

The solution was simple enough. If we spotted it ourselves or a patron called it to our attention, we would simply aim a beam from our industrial-sized flashlights at them, blink it a few times and their ardor would cool.

Or there was the more stern approach taken by Stockyards Lenny, one of the more militant of ushers.

He would snarl: "OK, you lousy perverts, knock it off or we call the cops.''

At the Chicago Theater, that was not a hollow threat since the theater hired full-time off-duty cops to work security in uniform.

And he would come to the scene, accompanied by several ushers who would bathe the targets in flashlight beams and we'd escort the humiliated offenders from the auditorium, through the crowded lobby and out on the street.

I don't doubt that if this were done today, the theater and the cop would be sued for public embarrassment, loss of consortium, long-term impotency, frigidity, sterility as well as insensitivity.

The Chicago Theater was a popular place for afternoon trysts because it has the boxes along the sides of the balcony, which provided some privacy. Especially during the day, when the balcony was hardly in use.

However, the couples who used the boxes weren't as private as they thought. The ushers would frequently go to the top of the theater and look down to check for wrongdoers. And if a patrolling usher spotted a coat spread on the floor of one of the boxes and a couple engaged in what was then called the dirty deed, he would rush to a house phone and alert the rest of the ushers, who would scramble to the top of the balcony to take in the impromptu show.

Legend had it that one usher's young life was shattered when he peered down and saw the young lady who was his betrothed.

So what did Cari and her friends do at the Sony Theater in Streamwood?

Nothing. They didn't even try to find an usher or a manager, although in most theaters today, the only visible employees are those who sell tickets or munchies.

Cari's mother, Dori, said: "When she told me about it, I told her: `Why didn't one of you say: "Holster it and take it outside.'' '

"She said: `Mom, we can't do that.'

"I guess there is this attitude in society that as long as I'm not hurting you, I can do what I want wherever I want. People think it's offensive to tell someone that their behavior is offensive. Many of us have gotten accustomed to the belief that rights are guaranteed for those who choose to be obnoxious.

"It is a sad commentary on how wanton we have become.''

In some circles, yes. At a theater in Streamwood showing Beavis and Butt-head, yes.

But I doubt very much if that couple would have gone undetected and unrestrained at the Lyric Opera.

© 1996 Chicago Tribune