Words just escape ya when dealing with Chicagonics

Web-posted: Thursday, January 30, 1997

Letters, calls, complaints and great thoughts from readers:

James L. Sandrik, Park Ridge: I was born and raised in Chicago, dough yud hardly know it now after all dem years of been away in da suburbs fur so lon.

Here's some of my contributions per your request for Chicagonics:

Grachki (grach'-key) as in, "Yo, Theresa, waja do wit da grachki? Howmy supposta cut da grass if I can't git intada grach?''

Uptadaendada (up-ta-da-en'-dada) as in, "Joey, you kin ride yur bike uptadaendada alley but not crost or I'll bustyur butt. . . . OK, honey?''

Frunchroom (frunch'-room) as in, "Getottada frunchroom wit dose muddy shoes.''

Comment: I think we came from the same neighborhood. Wuz you my english teacher?

L.L. Berger, Chicago: I've been reading Chicago newspapers longer than you've been writing for them, which is a long time. But that might come to an end soon.

If Chicago sportswriters want to form a verbal lynch mob for Dennis Rodman, I suppose that is their privilege, although I doubt very much if average Chicagoans -- especially those of us who are Bulls fans -- share their rage.

But I draw the line when these writers tell me or even infer that I am an idiot for admiring and enjoying Rodman's athletic ability and accomplishments.

One opinionated jerk in the Sun-Times said that those of us who cheered for Rodman when he pulled down a milestone rebound were morons.

Maybe so. But at least this moron paid to get into that game, which is more than I can say for all of the pompous blowhards of the sporting press.

Someone ought to give these smart-aleck writers or their editors some common sense advice: Don't insult your customers. It ain't good business.

Comment: Sorry, but it's your own fault. If you would just grab a bucket of tar and some feathers and chase a real tall guy with tattoos and funny hair, they'd stop questioning your IQ.

Anon: I read your article about how putting criminals in prison reduces crime.

Wise up dummy. About 80 percent of people in prison are there for drug offenses, a non-violent crime.

Get real!

Comment: Any criminologist will tell you that is bunk, a myth cherished and peddled by those who favor legalization of drugs or believe that prison sentences are a cruel way to treat criminals. Fact is, well over 50 percent of those in prison are there for violent crimes. And most of the drug inmates were convicted of being part of the selling process -- a very dirty business -- not for puffing a joint at a frat party. Write again when your head clears.

Dorothy Hamm, Euless, Texas: So some people actually paid money to see Beavis and Butt-head and then had the audacity to complain to you that some fellow theatergoers were acting in bad taste. Behaving immorally even? Perhaps I shouldn't be stating an opinion about someone I have watched so little, but it seems as if Beavis and Butt-head are dedicated to setting new standards in bad taste.

No, I don't think it is acceptable for people to copulate publicly. Or even semi-publicly. In fact, it would even be OK with me if they stopped copulating on screen also.

You have often commented on the oddities of human nature. I find our attitudes toward romantic escapades oddest of all. The foulest of language is protected under the 1st Amendment. We may not approve of the language or of the person who spouts it, but we concede their right to spew their filth at will.

I am reminded of a line in "Irma La Douce,'' a movie I saw too long ago to quote exactly. Jack Lemmon's character is aghast that couples are checking into a hotel and only staying an hour. The concierge says, "So?'' Lemmon says, "But they're making love, and that's against the law.'' The concierge replies: "Shows you what is wrong with the world. You can hate anyone, anytime, anywhere. But making love is against the law.''

I remember that quite often when we have a police-protected Klan rally and a concentrated crackdown on prostitution in the same week.

Comment: I don't think that Beavis and Butt-head can be blamed for turning that couple on. If anything, they would stifle any reproductive urges.

J.B., California, e-mail: Just another example of why California has its own orbit. I was listening to a radio call-in program this past weekend when one of the "spots'' advertised an official Green Bay Cheesehead hat.

Sure enough, someone called the program's host and asked if the hats came in brie or Camembert. Man, how I miss Chicago!

Comment: The better cheese hats have holes, which means they would be a perfect fit for the heads of Californians.

Tony Morris, Chicago: I just fell off my couch from laughing. One of the TV sports guys was talking about Rodman agreeing to pay that cameraman $200,000.

Then he said the cameraman couldn't be reached for comment because he had left town for a while to get his life together.

If that ain't a 1990s thing, I've never heard it. He takes one kick, grabs $200,000 and now he has to "get his life together.''

Never mind that. He ought to get a good tax accountant.

Comment: I agree. Hey, Dennis, this is Mike! Kick me, please! I'll settle for the price of a set of golf clubs.

© 1996 Chicago Tribune