In O.J.'s case, jury still out on the rest of his life

Web-posted: Thursday, February 6, 1997

don't see that O.J. got a bad deal,'' said Slats Grobnik. "Looks like he came out of this whole deal in OK shape.''

How can you say that? He's been plunged into millions of dollars in debt for the rest of his life.

"Yeah, that's what it says in the headlines. But all those zeros and dollar signs don't mean much because -- what's that old saying? -- you can't get blood out of turnip.''

That is true.

"I wonder where that came from?''

Where what came from?

"That stupid old saying. Why would anybody think they could get anything out of a turnip except turnip juice. You think maybe some farmer walked into his kitchen one day and said: 'Thelma, I been squeezing turnips and I can't get no blood out of them.' ''

I've given little thought to sayings about turnips.

"Anyway, you can't get a cold beer out of an empty fridge. I like that better.''

So do I.

"And if O.J. is broke and already in debt from paying lawyers, how they gonna get anything from him?''

Actually, he isn't broke. He has more than $2 million stashed in retirement funds, and under a kindly California law, that can't be taken from him.

"So he's set for his old age? And they can't take more than 25 percent of what he earns until he's a geezer?''

That's the way I understand it. Of course, it's questionable how much earning potential he has. One of his former lawyers said that O.J.'s professional career has been destroyed because no company would ask him to endorse a product.

"I can't believe that this country would let a terrible thing like that happen.''

What terrible thing?

"O.J. not being able to endorse products. That would set, what do they call it, a bad precedent.''

In what way?

"It would stifle ambition. Why would anyone hustle to become a celebrity if when you get there, you can't make a living by endorsing products. What about the American dream?''

That's the American dream?

"Sure. And how are you and me and everyone else gonna know what car to buy or rent, gym shoes to wear, or credit card to flash if a celebrity don't tell us. Gotta have 'em. Look at the TV. They're even digging Fred Astaire and Humphrey Bogart out of their graves to do endorsements. So if they use dead celebrities to pitch merchandise, don't tell me they can't find something for O.J. The day this country can't take care of its celebrities, we're on our way down the tubes. Just check your history books. Look what happened to the Roman empire after it started treating its celebrities bad.''

Which Roman celebrity?

"Julius Caesar. Those were some of his best friends that slipped him the shiv. Just like some of O.J.'s best friends have stopped inviting him to parties. The world is full of fair weather pals.''

But wouldn't it be logical for O.J., an able-bodied fellow, to go out and get a job?

"What are you talking about, a job? Celebrities don't get jobs. Being a celebrity is a celebrity's job. Don't you ever watch the Jay Leno show or "Entertainment Tonight?'' You think they're going to put the cameras on somebody who drives a truck or a cab or works on a loading dock?''

You may have a point. But how else is O.J. going to support himself.

"He could do books. It's really something how celebrities all know how to write books even if most of them sound like they never read one.''

I think the O.J. book market might be drying up.

"Not if he plays it smart. I read where he's been shunned by all of those rich white guys who were his best buddies when he was riding high, his golfing buddies at the fancy country club he got thrown out of. He could write a book about that -- how when you are accused of murdering your wife, those glad-handing country club pals stop including you in the Sunday morning foursome. That's a raw deal. This Ron Goldman was just a waiter. Since when do country club swells worry about waiters?''

That might be an interesting story. And I suppose O.J. would always be in demand for interviews on the authors' publicity tour.

"Right. And I still think he can do endorsements.''

But what products?

"OK. You see a white Bronco rolling along a highway. And the announcer says: 'Legal problems can be a bother. Cops say you stabbed someone? Maybe the little lady? There's no reason to jump off the roof.' The camera cuts to O.J. inside the white Bronco. And he picks up his car phone and says: 'Take it from me, get the right lawyer and you'll be joining me on the first tee.' Then you see the name of the law firm on the screen.''

I can see the potential.

"Then we cut to a shot of a guy being led to the tee by a prison guard, who takes off the guy's leg irons. O.J. hands the guy a golf club and says: 'You made the right call. So try a 5-iron instead.' What do you think?''

Sounds promising, although my wife might disagree.

"Can't please everyone. That's why we have two juries.''

Why would anybody think they could get anything out of a turnip except turnip juice.

© 1996 Chicago Tribune