New York defines the city of losers

Originally published: Wednesday, May 29, 1991

ew Yorkers resent being stereotyped as rude, loud, pushy, self-centered, neurotic know-it-alls. And I can understand their resentment. I've met hundreds of New Yorkers, and at least five of them weren't neurotic.

Yet these same New Yorkers, at least those in the media business, can't look beyond New Jersey without attaching tired labels to the 95 percent of us who live somewhere out here.

I had another dose of that familiar New York attitude the other day when a call came from a man who works in TV film production for the National Basketball Association.

He said a film crew was coming to Chicago to interview locals about the success of the Bulls.

That was nice. But then he said: "We're interested in how Chicagoans feel, after all these years of being the city of losers and now the Bulls have a chance to ... "

I interrupted to ask him what he meant by that, about the city of losers. "You know, the history of so many losing teams in different sports and ... "

I was forced to interrupt again, to ask what losing teams in what sports he was referring to.

"Well, the Cubs, the Sox ... "

It was rude of me, not letting him finish sentences. But I cut in to point out that last year, the Sox had a better record than any New York baseball team. And the year before that, the Cubs won a division title, which the whining Mets and the laughable Yankees haven't done lately.

"I mean a real championship," he said.

A real championship? I reminded him that the Bears won the Super Bowl only a few years ago, which most people would consider a real championship.

"But the Bulls have never won the championship," he said, "and it's been all those years since the Cubs ... "

That was it. The tired, old, not-since-1945 Cubs thing again. It's become so frayed that even Chicago sportswriters seldom bother to mention it anymore. So I was unable to remain polite. I said: "Look, can't you New Yorkers ever be original? Must you always fall back on your narrow, provincial view of the rest of the country?

"Do you really believe that the 7 million people in the Chicago metropolitan area agonize because the Cubs haven't won a World Series since whenever the hell it was? Most of us weren't born then, so what did we miss?

"It's possible that the Cubs will never win a World Series. So what? A hot dog and a beer will taste just as good; the sun will still come up; young people will fall in love; babies will be born and grandparents will tickle their chins, and life will go on.

"As for our other professional sports franchises, the Bulls have been a wonderfully entertaining team since Michael Jordan arrived, the Bears win far more games than they lose, as do the Blackhawks. Our baseball teams are better than your baseball teams. In fact, with the exception of the Giants football team, your sports franchises all look ragged. And judging from what I see in the New York newspapers, your fans and writers are whining louder than a 5- year-old who lost his Ninja Turtle. So if you want to talk about sports losers, why waste air fare coming here?

"By the way, are you aware that no New York institution of higher learning has won as many Nobel Prizes as the faculty of the University of Chicago? Nor has any New York orchestra won as many Grammys as the Chicago Symphony. And even the New York critics agree that Chicago has surpassed New York as a center of creative theater. Why not interview New Yorkers about those shameful losing records? Or ask them whether it was mass insanity that led them to keep re-electing goofy Ed Koch as their mayor? And what kind of city makes a hero out of a wet-look loser like Donald Trump, for Pete's sake?"

There was a long silence on the other end. Then he said: "I guess you don't want to be interviewed while we're there."

I told him that he guessed right.

"Thank you," he said.

"You are very welcome," I said.

After we hung up, I thought about the conversation and felt bad.

I shouldn't have let him go before asking what kind of damn fool puts sauerkraut on a hot dog.

© 1997 Chicago Tribune