Hospital Jokes!
A man comes into the ER and yells,
"My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's dress, and began to take
off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that
there were several cabs,
and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed
a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly
deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
Dr.Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news
when I told a wife that her husband had died
of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more
than five minutes later, I heard her telling
the rest of the family that he had died
of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical,
including the visual acuity test. I placed
the patient twenty feet from the chart and
began, "Cover your right eye with your hand."
He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now your left." Again, a flawless read.
"Now both," I requested. There was silence.
He couldn't even read the large E on the
top line. I turned and discovered that he
had done exactly what I had asked; he
was standing there with both his eyes
covered. I was laughing too hard to finish
the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up
appointment with his cardiologist, he
informed me, his doctor, that he was
having trouble with one of his medications.
"Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse
told me to put on a new one every six hours
and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what
I hoped I wouldn't see...Yes, the man had
over fifty patches on his body! Now
the instructions include removal of the
old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St.Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new
elderly patient, I asked, "How long have
you been bedridden?" After a look of
complete confusion she answered...
"Why, not for about twenty years-when my
husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky
and asked, "So how's your breakfast
this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the
taste," the patient replied. I then asked to
see the jelly and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room,
when a young woman with purple hair
styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting
a variety of tattoos, and wearing
strange clothing, entered. It was
quickly determined that the patient had
acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled
for immediate surgery. When she was
completely disrobed on the operating table,
the staff noticed that her pubic hair had
been dyed green, and above it there was a
tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's
dressing, which said "Sorry, had to
mow the lawn."
BACK!
BACK HOME!
Email: clemieux3@cogeco.ca
