Women's Issues
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now.
When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method
to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant
and so moody that sometimes she's
borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says
it's not pain I'll feel during labor,but pressure.
Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in
the delivery room while my wife
is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while
recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week.
When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
"ESTROGEN ISSUES"
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips
to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans
.
4. Your husband is suddenly
agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone
to dial up every bumper sticker that says
"How's my driving-call 1-800-***-."
6. Everyone's head looks like
an invitation to batting practice.
7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
8. You can't believe they don't make
a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming
to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and
you bought it yesterday.
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of
shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without
trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru,
cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand
1. OTHER WOMEN
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Email: clemieux3@cogeco.ca
