Fishing Quips
Ice Fishing
A drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his gear and goes walking around until he finds a big patch of ice. He heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole.
All of sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the sky. "You will find no fish under that ice."
The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He starts sawing again. Once more, the voice speaks, "As I said before, there are no fish under the ice."
The drunk looks all around, high and low, but can't see a single soul. He picks up the saw and tries one more time to finish. Before he can even start cutting, the huge voice interrupts. "I have warned you three times now. There are no fish!"
The drunk is now flustered and somewhat scared, so he asks the voice, "How do you know there are no fish? Are you God trying to warn me?"
"No", the voice replied. "I am the manager of this hockey arena!
Frogs and Bourbon
A man went fishing one day. He looked over the side of his boat and saw a snake with a frog in its mouth. Feeling sorry for the frog, he reached down, gently took the frog from the snake, and set the frog free. But then he felt sorry for the snake. He looked around the boat, but he had no food. All he had was a bottle of bourbon. So he opened the bottle and gave the snake a few shots.
The snake went off happy, the frog was happy, and the man was happy to have performed such good deeds. He thought everything was great until about ten minutes passed and he heard something knock against the side of the boat. With stunned disbelief, the fisherman looked down and saw the snake was back with two frogs!
YOU MIGHT BE A BASSAHOLIC IF....
thanks Jeff Foxworthy
..you have a power worm dangling from your rear-view mirrow because you think it makes a good air freshener.
..your wedding party had to tie the tin cans to the back of your bass boat.
..you call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "Skeeter".
..your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.
..you keep a flippin' stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels with.
..you get "40 to life" because your teenager asked you to buy him a jet-ski.
..you name your black Lab "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude".
..your cologne is called "BANG".
..Bass Pro Shops has a private line just for you.
..you honeymooned on Lake Okeechobee..ALONE!
..you have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.
..you have a photo of your ten pounder on your desk at work instead of your family.
..you consider viennies and crackers a complete meal.
..you think MEGABYTES means a good days fishing.
..you send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a Palomar knot.
..your wife puts on green lipstick just so you'll kiss her more.
..your favorite color is Scuppernong.
..you think there are four seasons..pre-spawn, spawn, post-spawn, and hunting.
..your $30,000 bass boat's trailer needs new tires so your just "borrow" the ones off your house.
..your wife tells you she's feeling "frisky" but you don't know what she means until she explains she wants to SPAWN.
..you go to church to meet new fishing partners.
..you trade your wife's van for a smaller vehicle so your boat will fit in the garage.
..your kids know it's Saturday...because the boat's gone.
Back to Fishlics
bravenet.com