Justin opened his eyes to the thin strips of sunlight streaming across the room. He could hear the distant sound of a radio playing in the apartment next door and the shared ventilation system meant he could smell the neighbor's bacon and egg breakfast. Justin's mind had wandered for a second or two and his thoughts settled on Brian's oft-repeated joke that the younger man's cock and his stomach always woke up before the rest of him did.

Trying to dismiss the thought, Justin rolled on to his side and reached out to run a hand across the back in front of him. Ethan was breathing evenly and steadily and Justin watched his hand rise and fall with each movement of breath. He let his eyes pan across the man's sun freckled back and the disarray of his hair. He'd managed to put Brian out of his thoughts for six consecutive hours the night before and Justin considered that to be a great victory. This even though Brian was currently at the forefront of his thoughts again and Justin suspected he would remain so for the next little while.

Morning had always belonged to him and Brian. They may have shared their nights with tricks but by morning it was always just the two of them and it was there that Justin had his most comforting memories of his time with Brian. No games were played in the light of morning and there was no doubt between them that the day always began with a few minutes of their solitude...

...their kissing

...their touching

...their fucking.

Justin swallowed hard at the memory and he quickly forced his blush and the thought away as he looked over at Ethan again. There were a lot more things to remember about Brian than the sex and the few times that he'd actually thought that Brian belonged to him.

The shrill ringing of his cell phone pierced the haze of the morning and Justin shifted off the bed slowly. He'd been trying to reach it before it woke Ethan up but at the same time he hadn't wanted to wake the man in the process.

"Hello." Justin whispered his word while turning back to watch Ethan turn over and curl up in the spot he had just vacated. Ethan was still asleep and Justin walked gingerly across the room in an attempt to avoid all the floorboards that he knew squeaked.

"Justin. It's Lindsay, I'm sorry did I wake you?"

"No. No you didn't, most of me has been awake for hours." Justin smiled reflexively at his comment and his repeated memory and then dismissed both of them when he realized what he'd been doing.

"I wouldn't have called you this early only I'm kind of in a bind and I'm hoping you can help. Mel and I would owe you big for this." Lindsay spoke breathlessly into the phone. On her end of the line, her entire household had been up for hours with Gus screaming to be released from his playpen and Melanie was working herself into a frenzy by cursing all things Brian Kinney.

"It sounds crazy over there. What's going on?" Justin had returned to the spot on the sofa that he'd spent part of his night and he pulled the discarded sheet around his naked body before sitting down.

"Mel and I are supposed to catch a flight at 9:30 and we should have been at the airport twenty minutes ago. Brian was supposed to come pick Gus up this morning and he never showed. I drove to the loft and he's not there. I've been calling his cell and he's not answering."

"I don't know where Brian is Lindsay. You should call Michael or maybe Debbie knows something." Justin thought to add the fact that he hadn't seen Brian is close to two weeks now and he was the last person that anyone should call for information about the man these days.

"I realize that Justin. I'm wondering if you wouldn't mind coming over here. Maybe sitting with Gus for the weekend. If you can't stay that long, we're still trying to call some friends of ours and they may be able to pick him up later." Lindsay hadn't come up for air once and now Justin could hear Melanie's voice getting closer to the phone. Lindsay had stopped to say something to her and covered the phone slightly before launching back into her plea to Justin. "It's just that he's getting over his ear-infection and his cold so we can't take him with us. Debbie is working all weekend and I wouldn't want to expose Vic to anything. We'll only be gone till Sunday afternoon and Brian was to watch him until then."

"And that selfish asshole is too busy fucking to pick up the goddamned phone and tell someone that he's not going to do the shit that he promised that he would do." Melanie yelled into the phone and Justin held the receiver away from his ear. Between Melanie's yelling and Gus's crying, Lindsay's nerves were on the verge of fraying.

"Justin, I would really appreciate this. You could use the time to work in the studio, maybe catch-up on homework. Gus sleeps a lot because of the medication. Once I get him settled, he shouldn't be a problem at all." Lindsay had sat down on the couch and brought one hand up to her free ear to block out some of the noise.

"Don't worry about it Lindsay, I'll come. I'll leave right now and I should be there in twenty minutes tops." Justin jumped up off the sofa and dropped the sheet around his ankles. He'd been looking around for his clothes while he listened to Lindsay thanking him. "See you in a bit."

Justin closed his phone and dropped it into his backpack before reaching for the one foot of his running shoes that he'd spotted beside the bed.

"The other one's over there." Ethan spoke up behind him and Justin turned to look at him.

"Did I wake you up?" Justin asked sheepishly. He hadn't been aware of the fact that even the quietest whisper of the name Brian would have been enough to wake Ethan from the deepest coma.

"Nah. It's time for me to get up anyway. You know, practice, practice, practice." Ethan shrugged off the sheets and stood up slowly. He'd reached around cup his ass as he did it. "I hope I have some energy left, considering the fact that someone wore me out last night."

Justin huffed a little laugh before crossing the room to pick up the other shoe. "I'm going to go over to Lindsay and Mel's and I might be there for the whole weekend. They need someone to sit with Gus and if they can find someone else on short notice, then I should be back tonight."

"Brian was supposed to do it and he bailed huh?" Ethan folded his arms across his chest and waited to Justin to look over at him again. The other man had already found his underwear and was now stepping into his jeans.

"Why'd you mention Brian?"

"I heard you tell her that you didn't know where he was. I'm assuming they were looking for him since they expected him to come get his son." Ethan let his words hang in the air and waited for Justin's inevitable defense of the man.

"I don't know anything about Brian. I just know that they need someone right now or they're gonna miss their flight." Justin pulled on his socks and reached for his t-shirt on the chair beside where Ethan stood. He'd expected the other man to reach out for him once he came close enough and Justin let him self be held.

"I thought you and I would do something together this evening. You know, a date. Student Union is showing some more French films and you really liked the last ones right?" Ethan leaned in to kiss Justin lightly and Justin kissed back.

"I did, but they need me over there. Maybe we'll still be able to go out if they find someone to sit with him or maybe Bri..." Justin stopped short.

"Maybe Brian will actually remember he has a son and come get him. Well that would let you off the hook so at least that's something to look forward to." Ethan leaned in to kiss Justin again and Justin stepped out of his hold, putting an end to the kiss. He'd pulled his t-shirt over his head and grabbed for his hoodie and backpack.

"I've gotta get going. I'll call you later and let you know what's happening for tonight." He stepped into his shoes and moved towards the door. He'd tie the laces as soon as he got out of there.

"You do that." Ethan offered a half smile. Even though Ethan had noticed that Justin was less than his receptive morning self, at least Justin wasn't defending Brian.

Justin pulled the door shut behind him and closed his eyes for a second or two. Having regrouped quickly, he dropped his bag beside his leg and set about tying up his laces. In a few minutes he'd be outside in the sun and fresh air and he'd have a moment to himself to sort out the thoughts that had been swirling through his head since he heard Lindsay's voice.

Brian rolled his head against the headrest and grimaced against the light that stabbed at his eyes. His mouth felt like someone had lined it with sandpaper and his throat felt raw. His first reaction had been to sit up in his chair, but he'd rethought that proposition when the first wave of nausea swept through his stomach.

He turned his head slightly and took in the exposed brick wall outside the window of the Jeep. From the looks of things, he hadn't spent the night at the loft and he had no idea where he'd been since he left Babylon or where he was now.

Brian pulled himself up in his seat and grabbed for the steering wheel to steady himself. This hadn't been the first time that he'd spent hours folded against the bucket seat of the Jeep but it had certainly been the first time that he recalled sleeping a high off there. He could hear the sound of cars passing behind him and he turned around gingerly to eye the somewhat bustling street at the end of the alleyway behind the Jeep. His head was beginning to clear and his path up to this point was flooding back along with some of the sludge that he was now barely able to keep down in his stomach. He'd made it no more than two blocks from Babylon before everything had started fading to black and he'd just managed to maneuver the Jeep into the narrow path between two low rise buildings before passing out.

Brian pushed back from the steering wheel and lifted his eyes once again. Now he focused his attention on the woman who was walking down the alleyway toward him. She looked to be in her sixties at least and through the leftovers of his drug haze, Brian's only thought had been that she hadn't held up well at all.

"I didn't call the cops because you were snoring loud enough to hear it through the glass and I didn't think you'd cause much trouble all out of it like you were. But now it's time to rise and shine and move this show to someone else's backyard." The woman had come up beside the driver side window and gestured for Brian to roll down the window.

"Who the fuck are you?" Brian spoke slowly as he drew up his brows. He thought his words sounded a little slurred.

"The person who will call the cops if you don't move this monstrosity so that I can get my car out of the back lot and do my grocery shopping." The little woman spat back and Brian couldn't help but smile. "From the looks of your fender and brick scratches along this side, your drunk driving skills are just as foul as your mouth." The woman stepped back a little to eye the damage to the Jeep and Brian popped the lock so that he could see what she was talking about. He'd been unstable enough on his feet to fall against the door and he'd succeeded in scraping the edge when the door connected with the brick wall.

"Take it easy. Don't think that I'll be hauling you up off the ground if you fall over." She'd stepped back and out of the way as the six foot plus man found his walking legs again and closed the door before moving around to where she had been standing.

"Motherfucker!" Brian ran a hand through his hair as he took in the gouge marks that almost ran the entire length of the left side of the Jeep. From the looks of this and the fender, he'd bounced off the walls of the alleyway as part of his bumpy ride the night before.

"If you don't like that, then don't look at this side." The woman folded her hands across her chest and shook her head from where she stood on the other side of the Jeep. She hadn't bothered to lift her eyes to Brian's face as she spoke, instead settling for one last look at the mess Brian had made of his paintjob before turning and walking away. "Now like I said, move this show somewhere else, so I can get on with my day."

Brian scrubbed a hand through his hair before bringing it to rest on the back of his neck. It had taken this disaster to completely clear his head and now except for the queasiness and his ever- present headache, the drugs had let go of his brain. He took a look in the direction the woman had walked before slowly trudging back to the driver's door. Not believing for a second that the bile in his stomach would stay put if he took a look at the other side of the Jeep anytime soon, Brian climbed in and started the engine.

He'd swallowed to moisten his sandpapery throat before throwing the so-called monstrosity into reverse and slowly backing out of the alley.

"Justin, thank God." Melanie greeted him at the door sweetly before looking over his shoulder to yell at the irate cab driver that'd been leaning on his horn for the last ten seconds. "What is your fucking problem? I said that we were coming right out." The veins in Melanie's neck stood out against the skin and the cab driver stopped honking.

The woman ushered a very concerned Justin into the house and he took in the disaster area that Lindsay had described as not being a problem. Gus had been released from the playpen only to be trapped once again in his high chair and he was just as pleased with this prospect as he'd been with the pen. There were baby clothes thrown across the normally neat living room and he'd just missed tripping over an overnight bag as Lindsay breezed into the room passed him.

"Oh sweetie, thank you for doing this. I promise you that once Gus settles down, you won't even notice that he's around." Lindsay leaned in to kiss his cheek and Justin checked out the new view of the disastrous room from this angle. Now he could see that the bag that had been packed for Gus to take with him to Brian's was now leaking it's contents of mixed formula and that there were at least two soiled diapers sitting on the coffee table beside Gus's playpen.

"Did you get in touch with any of your friends?" Justin spoke meekly. He was still being smothered in Lindsay's hug and he felt the woman pull away slowly.

"I'm so sorry sweetie but I'm afraid you're it." She'd scrunched up her face a little and was getting ready to plead with him to stay for the weekend. Lindsay was again on the verge of singing the virtues of an overly medicated two-year old and her quiet studio.

"It's okay. I'm happy to stay with him." Justin dropped his backpack on the sofa and soaked up Lindsay's smile of relief.

"I'll keep trying Brian on our way to the airport and maybe he'll still come and get him." Lindsay had said this in hopes of offering Justin some hope of salvaging his weekend but she'd also regretted having to be the one to again mention Brian's name in Justin's presence.

"That's fine Lindz. Don't worry about it just get out of here and keep me posted on what happens between now and when you get to the airport." Justin shooed the woman away. Melanie had made short work of transferring their bags to the cab and now Lindsay reached for her purse before crossing the room to stroke a wailing Gus's cheek.

"Mommies will see you tomorrow night honey. Be good for Justin and bite Daddy with your new teeth if you see him." Lindsay kissed the baby before kissing Justin and heading towards the door. "Justin, all his medicines and the instructions are in his bag."

"See you tomorrow kiddo." Melanie called her words to Justin as she leaned down to pick Gus up from the highchair. She'd given him a kiss on the forehead and the baby settled down instantly, having now been released from his confines. The woman handed Gus to Justin and then moved off toward the door.

"Be good boys." Lindsay called out as she disappeared out the door and Melanie closed it behind them.

...Lock turning in the door.

...The sound of footfalls on the porch and then...of car doors slamming.

....Baby no longer screaming.

Justin took in the fallout around where he stood and Gus smiled at him before reaching out to pull on his ear. As far as Justin was concerned, he could handle this.

Six blocks from Tremont, Brian was following the car ahead of him from one and a half car lengths behind. He wasn't up to his usual tailgating self and whereas he would have practically ran this turtle off the road, he didn't think he had it in him on this fine morning.

"You're so lucky that I don't have any place else to be asshole." Brian reached over to the passenger seat and pulled out a cigarette from the package. His thoughts had settled on the fact that he was almost out of smokes and that he'd have to pick up more and get a few out of the way before he went to pick up Gus.

"...Shit."

Brian made a screeching u-turn and flattened his foot against the gas pedal as he glanced at the dashboard clock. He was supposed to make an appearance at Muncher Villa close to two hours ago.

Justin had set Gus down amidst the chaos and the baby had promptly set about pulling tissue from the tissue box that had been on the chair next to him. Turning his attention to righting the disarray around him, Justin hadn't noticed the baby until the box was nearly empty.

"No Gus." Justin plucked the box from the small fingers and paused as he waited for Gus to start wailing. He and his father shared the same temperament. Things had to go their way or all hell was sure to break loose.

When the baby didn't start to cry, Justin considered his mission successful and set about picking up the thin papers from the carpet. Gus had busied himself with trying to pull the tissues out of Justin's grasp in hopes of returning them to their rightful place on the floor.

"Gus c'mon, work with me here." The baby smiled in response and Justin tried not to take note of the resemblance.

The door buzzer sounded just then and the two of them looked toward it in unison. The noise started again almost immediately and now by the sound of things, the person on the other side of the door was leaning their hand against the button with no release.

Justin pulled the door open and got ready to let his displeasure be known.

"Before you both take turns chewing my nuts off, take one look at the Jeep and be thankful that I'm still here." Brian drawled his words as he leaned against the doorframe. He'd covered his red eyes with very dark sunglasses and been looking down while he stubbed out his cigarette under his boot.

"They'll chew them off when they get back." Justin spoke up and Brian finally looked up from his cigarette.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" The composure that had been lost in the instant that he saw Justin's face had quickly been recovered and Brian was glad that he'd decided to pull on his shades before getting out of the Jeep. There were some reactions that were better left unseen.

"Your were missing in action, so Lindsay asked me to come by for the weekend." Justin thought he'd stammered out his words but in reality Brian was amazed by how calm and cool he seemed.

"Daaaaa...daaaaaaaa" The large sound came from the very small body and both men looked into the house to watch Gus walking toward them.

"C'mere Sonny Boy." Brian stepped forward and Justin moved back and out of his way. He hadn't moved fast enough to avoid the familiar smell of Brian's cigarettes and cologne or to avoid contact with the skin of the man's arm against his own. He'd felt Brian tense in that instant and Justin thought he'd seen something in Brian's eyes even behind the depth of the glasses.

"Careful he's still pretty runny because of his cold." Justin offered his words quietly as he watched Brian lean down to pick up his son. He'd moved away and gone into the living room when he grew tired of not looking at Brian's skin...Brian's arms...Brian's hair...Brian's hands.

The last time he'd laid eyes on Brian, it had been Brian who'd beat a hasty retreat from the diner without so much as a look in his direction. Now Justin was the one beating the hasty retreat and trying hard not to see what he would inevitably see if he looked in Brian's direction. He'd busied himself with straightening out a few more of the tissues Gus had scrunched up on the floor before setting the whole stack on the coffee table.

"You don't have to stay. I'll get him out of your hair and then you can get back to bigger and better things." Brian's voice came from somewhere to the left of him and Justin turned around slowly to look at him.

"I'm not in any hurry and I told Lindsay that I would stay. If you wanted to take off, you could." Justin pushed his hands into the pockets of his Levi's and waited for Brian to look away or do something to break the spell. The man had taken off his sunglasses and now Justin could see the originals of the eyes that he'd spent the last hour looking uncomfortably at.

"I said I would keep him at my place this weekend. I was late but I'm here now. You can get back to whatever you were doing Justin." Brian was instantly aware that he'd said the name out loud thus breaking his own intended silence where those syllables were concerned.

"Whatever." Justin shrugged his shoulders a little and looked around the room. He'd physically managed to break the spell when Brian looked away after saying his name and Justin tried not to let his mind settle on the fact that Brian had more closed his eyes than looked away. "I'll repack his stuff then. They were pretty much like this when I got here but I did manage to clean up the formula spill that I found." Justin was reaching for Gus's bag and he'd set it on the table furthest from Brian's frame before pushing the little boy's clothes back into it.

Brian watched him move around the room. He hadn't said anything in response to Justin's words and had set a squirming Gus on the floor by his legs. Brian hadn't noticed the baby immediately move towards the box of tissues before finishing off the few that still remained unscathed.

Brian had let his eyes fall on Justin's back and skim across the shape of his body.

Even from across the room, he could smell Justin's shampoo and Brian cursed under his breath for the immediate reaction his body had had to Justin's proximity. Like with Justin's subconscious and his dreams, even though the reality may have changed, there were still parts of them that were playing catch-up.

Brian had wanted to tell Justin to leave the mess and just get out of there. He didn't trust the sound of his voice just then so he'd kept quiet. He'd instead settled for watching Justin move and watching his hands at work folding and smoothing Gus's clothes. Whatever he wanted to say to Justin would stay unsaid and Brian blinked hard at the Technicolor of the memory that was starting to flood his senses.

He'd said the word and conjured the demon...and now one particular memory came crashing back with full force.

It was late and he'd been thinking...and drinking. Neither one of which was a good thing for Brian to do alone in the dark and even he realized that the combination of the two made him deadly.

Brian had slipped out of Woody's three hours ago without any goodbyes after the bowling fiasco and now it was just after two in the morning. It seemed like three lifetimes ago since he'd left a moody Justin unloading the dishwasher, kissed him on the cheek and told him not to wait up. By the looks of the lifeless loft and the crisply made sheets, Justin had taken his advice.

Hindsight now told Brian that he was never in any danger of finding Justin waiting in bed for him when he returned. He hadn't been there when Brian got home from work that day and considering the warmth of the homecoming from Chicago, Brian was getting bitterly used to the fact that Justin wouldn't wait for him.

Scrubbing his hands across his cheeks, Brian let the sound of stubble fill his ears and drown out the din of the empty loft. He'd been making a slow circuit of the place since getting home, having started out collecting provisions at the bar and then moving from chair to chair whenever he got restless. He hadn't turned on any lights, relying instead on his sense of smell to guide him to each of Justin's ‘places'.

Brian had started out on the sofa, leaning back to rest his head against the cushions so that he could smell the telltale scent of Justin's shampoo. When that smell had started to fade for him, he'd moved on, drink in hand, to the table Justin had turned into his workstation. He'd flipped through Justin's papers and pretended not to be skimming through the contents of Justin's book bag. There wasn't much of Justin's scent on these objects. There was just enough to remind him that Justin worked in a greasy diner but not enough to tell him where Justin spent almost every minute of his free time lately.

The distaste over the fact that he'd been searching through Justin's things having finally hit him, Brian moved on.

He reached for the bottle next to him and refilled his glass...

...He'd ended up as close to the bed as he could let himself get and settled for sitting on the platform instead. The empty bed seeming anything but a comfortable retreat considering his thoughts.

Brian had been playing a drinking game with himself for the last little while. He took one shot for every time over the last few weeks that Justin had pulled away from him to head to the bathroom claiming the need for a shower. For every time he remembered finding hickeys he hadn't left on his lover's back or neck, Brian took a shot. He'd emptied one bottle of Absolut and was starting on his second. He'd had a lot of memories and so he'd taken a lot of shots.

At some point Brian had changed the focus of his game. He'd stopped thinking about Justin and started to count of the number of times he'd told Michael or Lindsay that he would never do this. How many times had he told them that he'd never be stupid enough to fall into the traps that kept them awake thinking about something that was never there.

He realized that his thoughts had come full circle back to Justin when remembered telling Justin that same thing.

In the beginning he'd been able to deny Justin with words. To tell him to stop hoping and dreaming because he'd met a man who didn't want anything from a lover that couldn't be delivered with a hard press of urgency and a satisfying release. He'd told Justin that truth then and he'd made it his calling card to tell him the truth ever since.

After a year of hearing Brian say it, part of Justin had started to believe it.

Brian took a deep swallow and the glass found the platform with a low thud as he set it down beside him. He'd crossed the room to retrieve his cigarettes from the nightstand before returning to his perch and returning to his quiet brooding. There was a flash of light across Brian's face as the lighter sparked to life and the flame warmed the room. Within seconds the light and the warmth had receded and Brian's features returned to dim outlines in the dark once again.

He'd drank a lot tonight but he wasn't drunk. He was no where near drunk and in this stark lucidity he was perfectly aware of the fact that he was waiting for Justin to say something or just waiting for himself to snap and say it for them both. He was faintly aware of the fact that he was doing everything in his power to ensure that the man he was waiting for wouldn't know he was there when he finally returned.

Despite what he had and would always tell anyone who asked, three shots ago he'd come to the realization that Justin did owe him something.

"Brian...Brian."

Brian raised his eyes and found Justin's face. The memory had subsided and now the reality was even more blinding.

"I said...he's all packed." Justin had been standing beside the closed bag and holding Gus in his arms. He'd turned around to find Brian's stare fixed on a spot on the floor while Gus ran rampage on the loose tissues he'd left on the coffee table. "Are you alright? I saw the side of the Jeep but you didn't look hurt or anything." Justin shifted the weight of the baby on his hip and eyed Brian closely. This time he wasn't trying to avoid the parts of Brian's body that brought back memories and temptation.

This time he was trying to gauge Brian's quiet.

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and reached for his son. A damaged paintjob was easy enough to spot but a lot of other things didn't show on the outside.

~To be continued~