Justin was reaching up to find Brian's fingers now and Brian stilled his exploration of the other man's chest and turned his focus on the feel of Justin's palm against his own. Justin's skin was hot and Brian felt shivers passing up and down his spine as the tips of their fingers skimmed and danced. Justin was looking at him again, having spent the last little while with his eyes closed. He was charting and memorizing the face that he saw every time he closed his eyes and he was mapping the body he felt every time he dreamed. Neither of them had said anything when this started, both seeming to know instinctively just what to do and what pace to keep.

They weren't in a hurry and this wasn't ever supposed to end.

Brian met Justin's eyes and lost himself to the kind of all seeing and all accepting gaze that could only be reciprocated between lovers. Brian smiled. He'd been watching the slow dilation of Justin's pupils and thinking back to a documentary he'd seen on physical reactions to things one found attractive or desirable. Justin's eyes were practically swimming and whereas they'd been blue only a little while ago, now they were practically black.

Brian dipped his head closer to Justin's and let his lips brush across the younger man's cheek and then his lips. He could feel Justin's hands on his face and he caught himself before the kiss could deepen itself. They could get lost in this so easily and Brian didn't want to get lost just yet.

"Can a person get off just by looking at someone else's face?" Justin spoke slowly as he wound his fingers through the hair at Brian's temples.

Brian huffed a small laugh and considered the question. "You tell me." Brian watched as Justin's pupils continued to dilate impossibly.

"Yes."

Brian smiled and touched his lips to Justin's again. He pulled back to look over his handiwork and then kissed the younger man again. He'd been aware of the fact that it was taking increasingly longer to pull away from Justin's lips with each kiss.

Brian could feel the skin of Justin's chest against his own and he dropped all his weight against the body below him. He could feel the muscled thighs pressing at him and he reached down to run a hand along the length before resting it on Justin's hip. Brian could just as easily have continued his explorations by spreading legs and running hands along the insides of thighs, but he didn't. He didn't do it because he knew how Justin would react to that touch and he knew he had no resolve to resist that invitation. He didn't want to rush this and it wouldn't do his cause any good to get Justin too stirred up too fast.

Justin arched his body against Brian's before reaching around to cup his hands in the small of Brian's back. Brian could feel Justin's fingers inching lower and he could feel Justin pressing his hardness against his own.

"Slowly." Brian breathed his word against Justin's mouth as the other man let his eyes slip shut again. Justin was trembling a little as patches of blush crept across his cheeks, neck and chest. Brian watched them grow and blend into each other and he watched the small beads of perspiration break out above Justin's lips. Brian dropped his head again and licked at this collecting moisture. He could feel their combined sweat against his chest and stomach and he was sure they'd prove soon enough that a person could definitely reach orgasm just by looking at their lover's face.

Justin reached up to rub his cheek against Brian's and the older man moaned deep in his throat. This slight movement had caused a shift in Justin's body and meant torture to Brian's already dripping cock.

Brian moaned again as Justin continued to shift beneath him. He had pulled his legs free of Brian's weight before wrapping them around the man's frame and between this new angle and the sheen of sweat on their skin, Brian could feel Justin's slick hardness moving against his own again. Justin was losing control and he meant to take Brian with him.

Brian sat up slightly and swallowed hard as he fought to pull himself back from the edge that Justin was willing him to lunge over.

"Come with me." Justin was looking at him again and Brian tried to focus on his face. "We have all night to do this. Just come with me."

Brian dropped his face to Justin's neck and breathed the heat that was rolling off Justin's skin in waves. He was fast losing all resolve to resist and he wanted nothing more than to wrap himself in the sensations that had been threatening him from the first minutes since Justin folded himself into his arms.

"Brian, please."

Justin whispered and Brian surrendered.

They touched forehead to forehead as the final steps of their dance played out. They'd long ago become used to the complete loss of control and the complete loss of reality that overcame them in these moments. Brian found himself bathed in softness and hardness all at once. Pliant folds gave way to the most incredible sense of tightness and the most indelible sense of freedom at the same time. Justin held on as Brian moved against him and he lost himself in what he knew would just as surely kill him if he had too much of it as if he had to live without it.

The pace was more urgent now, but still not hurried. There wasn't any reason to hurry because they were alone and this felt like it wasn't ever supposed to end.

'Fuck.' Brian held his breath as Justin stumbled out of the room and into the bathroom. It had been eleven days since their arrangement had been defined with words and in that time Brian had lived up to every demand and he hadn't faltered on a single of Justin's rules. He'd even gotten a little sense of comfort in knowing that there were things that they both saved just for each other.

'But...

It had been less than a couple of weeks and Justin had...'

Brian shook himself out of his thoughts and chided himself for whatever it was he was feeling about Justin's implicit admission about kissing his trick. Brian figured that two weeks ago he wouldn't have given a shit to find out that Justin had kissed someone else, let alone kissed a one-time fuck...

...Brian considered this thought for a second and then corrected himself; he realized that it wouldn't have been his favorite piece of news but by his calculations, it certainly wouldn't have had this effect on him.

He stood up from the bed and crossed the room to the closet. He'd been trying to shake his all too fresh memories of smelling the sweat and cum on Justin's skin and smelling some other guy on Justin's breath.

This was what he'd bargained for in asking Justin to come back and he had no right to stand in the way of Justin's having his own experiences. Brian thought this much was definitely true. He'd done any and everyone he wanted to for so long and he'd rubbed Justin's nose in it for so long that he was sure that he didn't have any right to call Justin on this now. He could hear Justin moving around in the next room and he rolled his lips into his mouth and tried to focus on occupying his hands and hopefully his mind with something else.

He had no right to call Justin on this because Justin had every right to his share of "Free Fuck/ Free Fuck-up" coupons. Even though Brian had decided that this much was definitely true, he couldn't let himself shake the nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach that Justin had broken their rules...and he'd done it after less than two weeks.

Brian pulled his shirt over his head and pulled at the buttons on his jeans. They were due at Lindsay's in a half hour and he could hear that Justin was already in the shower. Brian rolled his neck and tried to loosen some of the tension in his shoulders as he dumped his clothes into the hamper. He'd have to shake some of these thoughts before he went into the next room and he turned to survey the rest of the loft quickly as he fixed his trademark look of indifference firmly into place.

Brian pulled the shower door open and watched as Justin turned to look at him before stepping back to make room. Justin was standing on the other side of the spray and he reached out to rub water across Brian's back as the older man turned to pull the door closed behind him.

Justin watched as Brian turned his face into the spray and closed his eyes. Brian hadn't looked at him directly for more than a split second since coming into the shower. He watched as Brian ran his hands over his face and blindly reached for the soap.

"Here." Justin held out the bar that he'd had in his hand and Brian opened his eyes and took it wordlessly.

From all outward appearances Brian was pissed and Justin thought he had every right to be. Justin watched as Brian wound soapy circles across his skin and he thought back to the way he'd handled his attempt to try sex with strangers "Brian style". Justin figured that not only had he screwed that attempt up royally, but he'd also managed to get caught with his pants down where their rules were concerned.

Justin had started things off with his trick by being as cool and as aloof as he thought he could muster given the fact that he had his dick buried in the guy's ass. He'd fucked the guy for the sake of a fuck and he thought he'd managed to avoid giving any of the long looks or gentle kisses that Brian had used with him his first time. He figured that he'd fallen so hard and so fast for Brian because the man had been too good at his craft and too good to him that first night. Virgin or no virgin, Justin had on some level or another had the clarity of thought to realize that his first fuck with Brian was just that. He'd had that clarity of thought only up until Brian started kissing him and he'd lost it completely by the time Brian told him he loved him as he came.

Brian had done things to him that Justin made every attempt not to do with this trick. He hadn't kissed him at first, dodging the guy's attempts by turning his head or moving to lick at some part of his trick's body instead. He'd even been a little rougher than Brian had been; all of this a conscious effort not to fall into the same trap that Brian had...and not to have this kid fall into the same trap that he had. It wouldn't do this kid any good to have him falling in love with the first fag he fucked.

Justin jerked himself out of his thoughts as he watched the little rivers of lather running down Brian's thighs and legs before pooling around his feet and running down the drain. Brian still wasn't looking at him and now they'd managed a dubious record; their first five minutes in the shower together without sporting twin stiffies.

Justin made the first move. He reached out to touch Brian's chest and shoulders as the other man lifted his gaze from the square of tile just over Justin's shoulder and finally settled his attention on Justin's face. Justin watched Brian's eyes as he reached up to spread soap on Brian's chest, neck and down his arm. Justin could feel how tense Brian was and he tried to figure out what reason he could give as to why he'd managed to ditch the rules that he knew Brian had done his best to live with.

How could he tell Brian that he'd started out doing everything in his power not to be like him and not to make the mistake of fooling an innocent into thinking the romantic fairy-tales could actually come true? How could he tell the man he'd fallen for in spite of everything that he hadn't wanted to inflict that same curse on anyone else? He'd fallen for Brian and he was Brian's but some part of him had wanted to make sure that this kid wouldn't have the same experiences he'd had. If any of it could have been avoided by having a less than perfect view of his first time, then Justin had intended to spare somebody else what he'd gone through.

How could he tell Brian this part of why the kissing and the rest of it had happened and how could he tell Brian why he hadn't had the balls to live up to his "good" intentions of being rough and cold? He'd lost his nerve when he saw his same wounded expression on the kid's face and he remembered back to what it had felt like when Brian sent him away with a slap of reality after that first time. Brian blamed himself for too much already and Justin didn't feel like getting off the hook by shifting all of this on to Brian's shoulders.

Justin reached out to Brian again and stepped closer. He held Brian's stare as he slipped his hands around the taller man's waist and leaned forward to nuzzle his face against the warmth of Brian's neck.

"I won't do it again." Justin whispered his words as he felt the growing tension in Brian's body. He'd hoped this apology would be enough without having to go into any explanation or excuse for why it had happened in the first place.

"Do what?" Brian pulled back a little to look at him.

It seemed Brian wanted him to explain and that Brian wasn't going to let him get off so easily. Justin dropped his eyes as he prepared his answer. He'd been flipping through a range of approaches when he felt Brian's hand on his chin. Brian was tipping his face up to his and Justin lifted his eyes to focus on Brian's face again.

"Fuck it." Brian was smiling a little as he shook his head. "So you gave him a little kiss. I'd say it was a lovely parting gift on your part. After all, the kid did give you his cherry didn't he?" Brian was smiling a little more now and Justin didn't like it one bit.

"You don't care?" He knew Brian cared. He'd spent the last year reading between the lines when it came to the things Brian said and did and he was sure that this was another of the many fronts that Brian used to hide his true feelings. The tension in Brian's muscles and everything in Brian's eyes said he cared and Justin was now more worried about this pretense than he was about telling Brian the truth. He'd worked pretty hard to get he and Brian to the point they were at now and now his major concern was the fact that Brian might use this mistake as ammunition to take himself three steps back.

"If you're gonna stand this close to me, don't be a tease." Brian was squeezing at Justin's ass now and he stepped in closer to lick across Justin's lips. He couldn't taste the Mystery Man any more and he'd been doing his best to act as though Justin's little slips were no big deal. He'd called Justin on the kissing, but he hadn't called any attention to the telltale marks on the backs of Justin's thighs that told him that his lover had done more than just pop a cherry last night.

Justin let Brian kiss him and he played down the increasing alarm he was feeling. If Brian was going to pretend that nothing happened, what would that mean for their rules and what would that mean for them?

Brian closed his eyes and willed himself to forget everything he was feeling. Justin had every right to his own experiences and he had no right to interfere with that.

Justin wasn't into any of this. He'd gone along with Brian's plan for the sake of keeping the man entertained and he'd hoped he could pull this off without displaying any of the discomfort he was feeling at the prospect. Knowing Brian fucked other guys on the side was one thing, but having to watch him do it had always brought a certain feeling of nausea to the back of Justin's throat.

Brian wanted to play a game and as far as Justin was concerned, it was a game neither of them could win.

Brian was looking at the crowd below them and between toying with the little crack in the paint of the railing that he'd found under his finger and pretending to survey the crowd, Justin had been stealing quick glances at Brian's profile beside him. The man seemed totally into it. Outside of the fact that they'd been standing close to each other all night, Brian was obviously on the prowl. He'd been sizing up and discarding potential players all evening and every now and then he'd lean into Justin's ear to provide some commentary or the other about some guy he'd just noticed.

Justin was definitely not into this but he figured he'd gotten them here with his little fuck-up and at this point, he didn't have any other choice but to play the game. A kid Justin thought was probably younger than he was looked up at them and Justin eyed him warily. His thoughts floated back to the way he'd unceremoniously destroyed his young fuck outside the diner and Justin took that and his present situation as another bit of punishment for his mistake. He'd sent signals that he hadn't meant to and not only had that kid acted on them but Brian was acting on them now.

"So many men, so little body hair." Brian was a little tweaked and he leaned in towards Justin's ear to give his pronouncement on the group of Twinkies that had taken up position on one of the catwalks across from them. Brian thought he'd noticed Justin looking at them.

Justin tried for a smile and tried again to shake off the thoughts of what was to come. Brian intended for them to share their bed tonight and on the heels of his tricking the night before, Justin wasn't feeling up to the occasion.

"See any you like?" Justin half turned to look at Brian as he spoke.

"Him." Brian didn't have to think for a second before answering and Justin looked down to see his competition. He dropped his eyes away quickly as the guy looked up and smiled at him. Brian had been eyeing the man since they'd come in and it was obvious to this guy and all others around that they were looking for a third.

"You?" Brian asked. His eyes still firmly planted on the trick's smiling face.

"Him." Justin chose quickly. He'd just picked the first guy he spotted when he looked up.

"He's kind of young." Brian assessed the situation dryly. He hadn't missed the fact that Justin seemed to still have a taste for youth. "Let's go for it." Brian had dismissed his thoughts as he reached out to grab at Justin's hand.

If Justin wanted to fuck a young buck, then he'd have to play along.

Brian stopped in mid stride as he felt Justin's resistance behind him. Justin hadn't moved from his spot by the railing and Brian turned to see what the hold up was.

"Or we could go home. Just the two of us." Justin spoke tentatively. If experience was any kind of guide, he knew Brian didn't like when his planned fucks didn't go the way he planned.

"What about the game?" Brian spoke up and glanced away quickly before watching Justin's eyes. This reaction wasn't something he'd been expecting. It had been Justin's idea to come out tonight and he was sure he hadn't missed the looks Justin had been washing on the younger guys that had approached them over the course of the evening. Brian was sure that he'd caught the way Justin had stared after them before noticing his attention and looking away.

"Fuck the game." Justin made one forceful last-ditch effort to derail Brian's plans for them. He remembered one thing about his trick more than anything else. He remembered the way the kid had wanted nothing more than to find one guy and only one guy that he could be with and Justin remembered a time when that was all that he wanted too. If he was honest, he'd say that time hadn't been all too long ago. He'd laughed off the kid's sentiment and he'd realized in that instant how much his eyes had been opened over the course of the year. He'd come to realize that all the good intentions and all the high hopes didn't mean that you got exactly what you wanted. He'd gotten his Brian on some level or another, but he'd come to realize that he didn't and might never have Brian all to himself.

Justin watched the dawning expression on Brian's face. The man was processing his reluctance and in another few seconds Justin would have his answer as to what Brian wanted and as to how many steps backwards his little slip had cost.

Brian leaned in and kissed him. They barely closed their eyes as they kissed, each seeming to want to make sure that the other wasn't kidding. Justin reached down to wrap his arms around Brian's waist as Brian in turn reached around to hold on to him. Brian still hadn't made his decision known and Justin leaned into the kiss a little more.

Alone.

The kiss continued as both of them hoped his read of the situation was right. Brian hoped Justin didn't want Twinkies tonight and Justin hoped that Brian didn't want to fuck another stranger tonight. They'd kept their doors open but each wanted nothing more than to keep them closed tonight.

Brian pulled back suddenly and looked at Justin's face. He'd long ago discovered this trick. If he surprised Justin, he could guarantee that he would read Justin's true emotions on his face in that instant.

He stepped away from Justin as he watched the other man's face fall slightly. Justin wanted to go home. He didn't want the hairless bodies on the catwalk across from them and he didn't want the kid on the dance floor down stairs.

"Come on." Brian reached out to grab at Justin's hand before turning and moving off again.

He leaned down to drop kisses across the small of Justin's back and he listened to the soft murmurs his movements were earning. Justin settled himself on to his stomach and waited for the next phase of Brian's torture. He'd been dying of Brian's slow manipulations since they'd come back to the loft an hour ago and Justin was sure he couldn't last very much longer. Brian wanted to take this slowly and Justin didn't do anything to hurry him. He'd won the narrow victory of getting Brian and he back here in one piece, relationship wise, and he'd won the narrow victory of getting them back to the loft alone. Justin was still sure that the broken rule or two had cost them something but he'd long since learned to stop counting score with the battles and instead to keep sight on winning the war.

He and Brian were alone again and this was a victory in any right.

~Fin~