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You Know Your're From Unalaska When
You Know You're From Unalaska When . . .
You laugh at people who carry umbrellas instead of wearing rain gear.
You don't think it is strange that torrential rains fall sideways.
You only need a snowblower every four years.
You're in your fifties and your house is older than you are.
Your house remembers WWII and you don't.
Your house and you are both old enough to remember WWII.
You use a WWII bombshelter for a tool shed.
You pray for snow in the winter so it will fill in the potholes.
You travel to work on two miles of dirt road and two miles of paved road.
You think five miles a long way to travel for work or shopping.
You fly to Anchorage to shop at K-mart.
You think everyone from off-island is crazy and they talk funny too.
Your speech patterns have developed Aleut inflections.
Your skiff is newer than your car.
You spend more money on your skiff than on your car.
Almost everyone you know owns a skiff.
You have a large video collection.
You fly to Anchorage to watch a movie.
Alcoholism is the only social disease in your community because everyone passes out before they get to the sex.
The only drug problem anyone you know is aware of is getting them.
You may or may not remember what grey squirrels and chipmunks look like, but you can tell a rat from a parkee squirrel from 300 yards away.
You leave dog food out for the foxes.
You have been shit on by an eagle.
Your spiritual advisor is a dog.
Your dog has been in the newspaper and you haven't.
The local newspaper only has six pages and two of them cover the police blotter.
A lost dog is headline news.
The children's story hour at the library is front page news.
You keep milk and other beverages cold in the arctic entry even in summer.
You think 65 degrees Farenheit is unseasonably warm.
You don't think it's strange that summer only lasts four days, not necessarily in consecutive order.
You have watched the 4th of July fireworks at midnight while it was still daylight.
Your eyes hurt when the sun comes out.
Mosquito season is about a week long.
Your best clothes are a new pair of sweats and you wear them to formal events.
X-tra Tuff deck boots are formal wear shoes.
When you dress for really special events you wear Sorrel snow boots.
You laugh hysterically when someone asks you where the bus station is.
When someone asks you how far you have to drive to get to Anchorage you snicker before asking them, by airplane or boat?
You haven't taken anyone snipe hunting in years, but you tell new people which road to take if they want to drive to Anchorage.
You know what a cheechako is and you would smack anyone who called you that.
You know what the sign in the Elbow Room that says: W.Y.B.M.A.D.I.I.T.Y.? means.
You know what an oosik is and you have even seen one or know someone who has one.
When someone asks you what you do for entertainment you answer: house repairs.
You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and barbeque sauce.
You don't mind barbequeing in the rain.
You have been to a blueberry bash, a soup-off and a tanner roundup.
The annual icecream social is a highlight event on your calendar.
Your car has had no muffler for years and you haven't gotten a ticket yet.
Your car has more rust spots than paint.
Not all the doors and windows on your car open.
Your car has a broken window and you leave it like that so you can get in and out of your car.
Your seatbelts work fine, but the bolts holding down the car seat rusted through a long time ago.
You try to avoid puddles in the road so you won't get splashed through the holes in the floorboard of your car.
You don't walk through mud puddles for fear of never being seen or heard from again.
When people are missing you help the police look for tracks going into mud puddles.
You look forward to coming home to the island.
You're the only one on the plane cheering when it gets ready to land in Dutch Harbor.
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