"Justin! Justin!"

The young blonde turned around at the familiar sound of his name and took a step back in surprise.

"Ethan?" he seemed to question loudly as the dark haired youth came up to him with open arms.

The two men embraced warmly in the middle of the sidewalk about a block from Justin’s apartment. When they pulled away Ethan kept his fingers curled lightly around his upper arms and smiled brightly at him.

"What are you doing here?" Justin asked. "When did you get back?"

"Early this morning," Ethan answered. "And surprise, surprise, there was no interest in my place while I was away so it looks like I’m home again."

Justin smiled but pulled gently out of Ethan’s arms.

"So how’s it going?" Ethan asked. "You like you’re new place?"

Justin nodded.

Ethan narrowed his eyes a little and took a step closer to him.

"Justin, what’s wrong?’

The artist shrugged and slightly moved away from him

"It’s been kinda hard lately Ethan," Justin tried to explain but he found his words carried away by the sudden breeze.

"Is it school?"

Justin shook his head and attempted to wipe the tears from his eyes before Ethan saw them.

"My dad . . . he passed away the other day."

"Jesus . . .," Ethan began. "Justin, I’m so sorry. Are you all right?"

"I’m fine," he answered somewhat roughly, annoyed suddenly.

"You wanna go somewhere and hang for a while?"

"Yeah," Justin said quickly. "Sure. You want to come see my place?"

The violinist smiled sadly at him.

"Sure."

Justin turned swiftly and moved down the sidewalk with his ex-boyfriend at his side. Ethan remained mostly silent as he followed Justin to his apartment, but when they arrived, praised Justin for finding such a perfect little dwelling for himself.

"You’ve been doing all right since I’ve been away," he smiled, sitting next to Justin on the couch. "I’m impressed."

"Christ, then it must be good," Justin laughed lightly.

Ethan smiled and then seemed to freeze. Justin watched with curiosity as he took in a sudden deep breath.

"Justin, I need to confess something," he began softly as Justin waited with uncertainly. "I didn’t get back this morning. I’ve been back for a week. My apartment was rented out and I haven’t been able to find anything else."

Justin sat motionless beside him for a moment before he spoke.

"Where have you been staying since you got back then?" he asked concerned.

"I found a little place near school," he explained. "It’s not that bad, usually, just a little intimidating sometimes."

"Ethan," Justin breathed knowing full well that his friend had been sleeping at the bus station a block away from the institute.

"Why didn’t you come to me sooner? Why didn’t you tell anyone?"

Ethan leaned back into the small couch and slowly shrugged his shoulders.

"Pride," he confessed. "I just came back from an incredible semester in Italy, surrounded by some of the world’s best art, architecture and musicians and now I’m homeless? It just didn’t seem to make any sense."

Despite the situation, Justin couldn’t help but grin.

"God, that is so like you, Ethan," he admitted. "But I really do wish that you had come here sooner. It’s so dangerous out there."

‘Well, I’m here now," Ethan continued. "And can I take this to mean that you’ll let me stay with you, just for a little while, until I get back on my feet?"

For a moment, Justin hesitated. Was he really thinking this through or just letting his compassion run rampant? Having an ex-lover move in was bound to create tension and awkwardness. But he couldn’t imagine anyone he cared about living on the street.

"Of course you can," he agreed.

"Jesus, Justin, you’re a saint," he breathed as he leaned forward and wrapped his arms warmly around his back, tightening his grip when he felt Justin return the gesture.

"Thank you so much, Justin," Ethan said as he pulled away. "And I promise, things won’t get weird."

"That’s good," he responded as his mind raced back to the other night with Brian. "That’s one thing I don’t need any more of right now."

The harsh air bit at the tips of his ears as Justin pulled his jacket tighter around himself to better block out the cold. This morning seemed more bitter than usual. Of course, the fact that he hadn’t slept very well last night didn’t help him any. Ethan had immediately insisted on sleeping on the couch when Justin offered him the bed but that didn’t loosen the strange air in the room that night. It was strange having someone sleeping near him again, especially an old partner. Daphne had stayed over once or twice before, but he had grown accustomed to sleeping alone.

That was a lie.

Since the first night he fell asleep at Brian’s side he had hated the feeling of an empty bed.

"Hey."

Justin turned around and was startled to see Brian walking towards him. He held his breath as he looked at him. Even dressed to accommodate the unyielding weather he carried and immaculance with him. Long legs dressed in dark brown slacks that were mostly hidden by the warm tan coat that stopped right at his knees. Justin suddenly hated that the black lenses he wore masked his gorgeous eyes.

"Hey," Justin heard himself answer before he realized it.

"How are you?"

The boy smiled despite his suspension that Brian was only speaking to him on account of what he’d done, or tried to do, the other night.

"All right," he shrugged looking up at him.

"You wanna go get some coffee?"

The younger man blinked almost out of confusion. He couldn’t remember the last time Brian had ever been so considerate of him with the exception of when he was recovering and becoming accustomed to being around people again.

You all ready have some," Justin said looking at the streaming cup in Brian’s hand. "And I’m on my way to class."

The other man seemed to falter for a moment before he spoke again.

"I’ll walk with you."

Justin dropped his eyes and began to move once Brian was at his side. For a moment neither of them spoke but the vibe surrounding them was comfortable.

"You should get a new jacket," Brian said as he observed Justin’s shivering.

"Yeah, but clothes aren’t really high on my priority list right now," he responded.

"But your health should be," Brian added. "Here."

He offered Justin his cup of coffee with an outstretched arm and the teenager took it after a brief moment of hesitation, pleasantly surprised as the warmth immediately brought his hands back to life. Justin slowly pulled the paper cup to his lips and took one long and deep swallow. He moaned softly as the heat travailed languidly down his throat.

"Good?" Brian questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Justin nodded and handed the drink back to him.

"Yeah, I can see why you pay five bucks for this stuff now."

"Finish it," Brian said when Justin tried to give the cup back to him. "You look fucking white."

Justin smiled a little and pulled the warmth back to his body.

"I am fucking white," he grinned.

"You know what I mean," Brian continued. "You’re skinny as hell too."

Justin tried not to let his secret joy that Brian was concerned about him show.

"I’m fine Brian," he insisted and then turned his face towards him. "But thank you."

Brian lowered his eyes and continued to walk with him down the snow-spotted sidewalk towards the art institute.

"You wanna get together after school?" he suggested after a while.

From somewhere inside himself Justin had to force the slight laugh into recession. It just sounded so juvenile, so adolescent, so un-like Brian to offer such a thing.

"Why?" Justin asked with a slightly furrowed brow.

He didn’t mean to sound rude, he just didn’t know what else to say.

Brian slowly shrugged his shoulders and dipped his head slightly.

"I don’t know," he confessed. "Do you really need a reason?"

Justin smiled at him and pushed a strand of hair out of his eyes.

"I’d like to," he began. "But I should probably go home after school. Ethan’s - "

Justin stopped talking as soon as the name passed his lips, almost like he was ashamed. Brian’s paced slowed a little and he shoved his hands deep into his coat pockets.

"He’s back?" he asked keeping his eyes on the concrete path before him.

"Yeah," Justin half-heartily answered. "His apartment was rented while he was away so he’s staying with me until he finds somewhere else to go."

"He’s living with you?"

Justin turned to meet his eyes, but Brian continued to look away.

"Yeah . . .just until he gets a place of his own," Justin repeated.

Brian raised his head up and visibly swallowed. Justin’s eyes were unable to move off of him and he was suddenly taken by an insatiable desire to be around him, near him.

"You wanna grab something to eat when I get out?"

Finally, Brian turned and their eyes met. Even from behind the darkly tinted glasses, Justin could feel the amber glow.

"Sure," he agreed. "The diner?"

"Yeah, that’s good," Justin said as he pulled his jacket more snugly around him, careful not to overturn the cup in his hand. "I gotta get going. Thanks for the coffee."

Brian smiled the slightest little bit and watched him turn his back and walk away. He allowed his eyes to linger on the beautiful, seemingly delicate form before he turned around and walked back towards his jeep.

"How’s your art coming?"

Justin shrugged his shoulders.

"Can’t complain," he said. "I’m getting better at, doing it naturally, you can say, but I still need the computer to do certain things."

"That’s good," Brian smiled from the other side of the booth.

"You wanna see the one I just finished?"

Brian raised his eyebrows.

"I don’t know shit about art," he stated. "You know that."

Justin kept their eyes locked.

"But yeah, sure."

The teenager moved to pick up his portfolio that had been resting on the floor next to him.

"I actually really do like this one," he said proudly, opening the large album and coming to sit beside Brian in the booth, showing him his piece.

On a large sheet of off-white paper, Justin had drawn hands. From halfway up the forearm to the fingertips were hands. Dark and light, old and young, all involved with an activity. A smooth pair of feminine hands were poised as if ready to play the piano. A large, slightly wrinkled pair held a rosary with love and adoration. An entwined set of non-distinguishable hands were pressed against the other like lovers. It was the pair in the middle however that caught Brian’s eye. One tiny hand was wrapped securely around the finger of what appeared to be an older man.

Brian very vividly recalled suddenly a weekend when he had had Gus and that his son had done the same thing to him when he had laid him down in his crib. He’d smiled and turned to Justin whom he could have sworn had tears in his eyes.

"What do you call it?" he asked, clearing his throat.

" ‘Humanity’," Justin answered as he moved slightly closer to him.

Brian exhaled and turned to look directly into the artist’s eyes.

"It’s good Justin," he told him. "It’s really fucking good."

The blonde smiled brightly and thanked him for his compliment. It filled him with such pride to hear Brian praise his work, especially when he was so often the inspiration, whether he knew it or not.

"This one was my entire reason for doing this," Justin told him, moving to point to the hands of the man and infant.

As he moved closer to his panting, the soft strands of his hair brushed against Brian’s cheek.

"What do you think of this one?" Justin asked turning towards him once again.

When Brian met his eyes, the two found that they were mere inches apart.

"Beautiful," he breathed.

The men stared as if unable to turn away from one another.

"Sunshine!"

Justin turned quickly to find Debbie standing next to their table, balancing a tray on her right hand.

"I didn’t even see you there," she smiled. "How are you honey?"

"I’m all right," he smiled up at her.

"Well, if you need anything, you just ask me, understand?"

"Yes ma’am."

"Good," she continued and then stole a glance at Brian. ‘What have you boys been up to?"

Justin spoke up before Brian had a chance to.

"I’m just showing him some of my work," he explained as if he felt guilty.

"I see" she replied between smacks of her gum. "You make sure I get to see those sometime, huh?"

Justin nodded and smiled as she leaned in to playfully ruffle his hair.

"I’ve got to get back to work," she smiled. "Take care of yourself . . . you too."

Brian locked eyes with her as Debbie walked towards the waiting patrons at another table. The young man leaned back into the booth and gazed back over at Brian. After a moment, they both smiled in the inauspicious silence.

"You really like it?’

"Very much."

Justin reached forward to close the portfolio, brushing Brian’s hands in the process, and moved to stand.

"I should be heading back home," he said. "Ethan’s going to be wondering where I am."

"You want me to drive you?" Brian offered.

"Nah, I’ll be all right," he answered. "Thanks."

Brian pushed his back into the booth and remained silent as Justin prepared to leave.

"Later."

Everything inside his body screamed at Brian not to let Justin walk out that door. To pull him into his arms and never let him go again.

Not again.

"Later," he heard himself say.

Justin secured the portfolio around his shoulder and after a final, fleeting glance, turned and walked out the door.

Brian lowered his face into his hands and closed his eyes.

The first thing that caught Justin’s attention when he walked back into his apartment was the small in the air

"Hey!" The young musician exclaimed upon seeing him. "I was starting to wonder where you were."

"I had some stuff to do after class," Justin explained as he walked towards him. "What’s this for?"

"Well, I know it’s not much at all," he began. "Especially in light of everything you’re doing for me, but it’s something at least."

"Ethan, you shouldn’t have," Justin said, smiling softly. "Not with the way things are right now."

"I couldn’t help it," Ethan insisted. "I had to do something for you, to show my eternal gratitude."

Justin lowered his work onto the floor and placed his hands on the counter.

"Well come eat, before it gets cold."

The artist moved to sit across from Ethan, taking note that his stomach began to grumble as he inhaled the smell more closely.

"I knew you were hungry," Ethan said as he sliced the pizza. "You’ve got the metabolism of a freakin’ gerbil."

Justin laughed as he took a piece and pulled it up to his mouth.

"Oh my God," Justin proclaimed. "It’s really, really good."

"Jesus, you’re acting like you haven’t eaten all day," Ethan smirked.

"Yeah, it’s strange. I went to - "

Justin stopped mid-sentence as he realized that he and Brian had never ordered anything. They had been so engrossed with one another that they had seemingly forgotten their hunger.

"What?"

Justin focused his eyes.

"Nothing," he lied. "I guess I’m just kinda out of it."

"Rough day?"

"You could say that."

Justin finished his sentence and took a large gulp of the soda Ethan had poured for him in a nearby glass.

"Are you going to go back to school?"

Ethan waited a moment before he shrugged his shoulders.

"I hope so," he said earnestly. "I talked to my instructor when I got back and I’m due in class in about two weeks. Finding a place to stay is really my top priority though. I’ve been playing on the streets since I got home. Made about 250 bucks so far, and I’ve sill got my scholarship so I don’t need to worry about that."

"That’s good," Justin responded with honest eyes. "You got too much talent for it to go to waste. Did you have any luck finding a place to rent today?"

"One," he answered. "Just a little ways up the road from here. That may be the only place I can get so I’m going to keep my eye on it but continue looking. It’s really, really not that great of a place."

"That’s OK," Justin immediately assured him. "I told you, you can stay here as long as you need."

Ethan smiled again and suddenly motioned to the corner of his mouth with his hand.

"You’ve got a little . . ."

When Justin attempted to wipe away the wayward sauce near his mouth, Ethan moved from his stool and softly brushed it away with a napkin. Justin flinched slightly at the sudden contact but held still when the dark eyed boy clasped the side of his face and stoked his cheek with a gentle movement of his thumb.

"I really am grateful for this Justin," he breathed.

The blonde’s eyes widened slightly and he felt his heart rate increase.

"I’ve missed being around you," he softly continued. "I’ve missed you."

As he whispered the last word, Ethan moved in and pressed his lips to Justin’s cheek. Justin closed his eyes against the contact and when Ethan slowly kissed his way to his mouth, he sighed. He knew it was wrong. He didn’t have these feelings towards him anymore, as Ethan obviously still had towards him. But he couldn’t pull away. It seemed like an eternity had passed since someone had last touched him like this, and the mishap with Brian had only made it worse. He kept telling himself to push him away, to tell Ethan that there was no chance of them ever getting back together, but he felt so devoid of human contact, so vulnerable.

When Ethan found his lips, he opened his mouth.

Justin slid his hands up to Ethan’s shoulders and pushed him back.

"Ethan . . ."

"What is it?"

In his mind Justin screamed at him to stop. This will never work. He didn’t want this. But instead, his eyes filled with tears and Ethan moved to kiss away the salty drops.

"Shhh," he soothed. "It’s all right, don’t cry . . . I’m here."

Justin swallowed and slid his arms around his neck. Ethan’s hands went to the small of his back and the two men moved across the room until Justin felt the mattress under his back. Their bodies were pressed together as if glued and their hair gave off a magnificent contrast. Justin felt himself fall apart under his fingers as Ethan’s slid his hands under his shirt and caressed the smooth skin beneath, keeping their lips connected as Justin ran his right hand into his hair.

When the musician moved to remove his shirt, Justin raised his arms and then pulled him back almost in desperation. The cloth of Ethan’s shirt tickled his bare chest and with a quick nudge he urged him out of his own clothes. Looking back up into his eyes, he was startled to see the familiar hazel instead of black. Skin against skin he felt Brian.

Tasted him on his mouth.

Sighed under his touch.

Fingers locked he pulled him close, wanting every fraction of the long, slender body against him, inside him. Brian’s breath on his neck, lips at his back, arms pressed against his. When he came he felt himself caught between screaming and crying. Everything felt so right, so wondrously normal.

Lying back, he rested his ear against Brian’s chest and closed his eyes, listening to the frantic beat of his heart. Brian’s arms were around him; holding him; keeping him.

"Are you OK?"

Justin opened his eyes. It wasn’t Brian’s voice.

Not Brian’s voice.

He lacked the ability to meet the midnight. He wanted the desert sand.

Justin slid his arm tight around Ethan’s waist and hoped that he would take that for an answer, regardless of its true meaning. Justin closed his eyes again and concentrated.

Teasing lips.

Seductive eyes.

Tapered fingers.

Elegant neck.

He closed his eyes and felt Brian nuzzle into his hair to sleep.

part IV
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