Justin woke up feeling calm. His entire body was loose and still against the starched white sheets of his bed. From the back of his mind he gradually became aware of the warm body pressed against him. In the night, Justin had turned to his side and the arms were around him, pulling him back against the warmth. Feeling the hands on his chest, the serenity began to vanish. The hands covered a strange area of his skin. They felt small and boy-like, abnormally constraining him. Closing his eyes, he remembered.

Justin moved carefully out of the embrace, and went to dress and quickly and as quietly as humanly possible. He didn’t know where he was going, he just knew that he had to get out of his apartment before he heard Ethan’s voice. Slipping his jacket on, he locked Ethan inside and headed down to the oddly-comforting street.

"Cutie, what bring you here?" Melanie excalimed as she opened the door.

"You guys aren’t busy are you?" Justin asked a little apprehensively.

"No, no, no," she answered immediately, reaching for his shoulder. "Come on in. You can have breakfast with us."

Justin smiled and followed her into the living room where Lindsay was busy cutting their son’s food.

"Justin, I thought I heard your voice," she smiled radiantly.

Gus turned around to discover the sudden object of his mother’s attention. Upon seeing the young man approaching, the child raised his arm and bent his fingers in a makeshift wave.

"Oh my God, that’s so adorable," Justin exclaimed as he moved to kneel in front of him. "He’s still the cutest baby I’ve ever seen."

"He’s hardly a baby anymore," Melanie said with a motherly touch of pride. "He’ll be a man before we know it."

Justin laughed a little and softly ruffled Gus’ familiar chestnut hair.

"Sweetheart," Lindsay began. "Is everything OK?"

"Yeah," Justin said as he stood. "I just . . . was in the neighborhood."

Lindsay nodded and moved to stand beside him.

"Well as long as you’re here, you might as well make yourself useful," she said in a mockingly-stern tone.

Justin looked at her with curiosity in his eyes.

"You can lend me your critique on this new piece I’m working on," she explained, looping her arm with his.

Lindsay’s eyes moved to her partner and Melanie gave her a gentle smile before the tall blonde woman led Justin up the stairs to her studio. Once inside, the young man immediately spied the painting on the easel. It was a winged woman at the beach; the sand was dotted with red rose buds.

"I started this one about a month ago and I’m finally close to finishing it," she said. "I don’t have a name for it yet however."

"I’m sure you’ll think of something," Justin encouraged her, keeping his attention on the piece.

Lindsay turned towards him with caring blue eyes.

"Baby, what’s wrong?"

Justin exhaled and lowered his eyes. It was stupid to try and hide anything from her. Of course, he hadn’t come to their house to hide anything in the first place.

"I did something really stupid Lindsay," he admitted in a thick voice.

"What happened?"

Justin blinked back the sudden tears and silently cursed himself for them.

"Ethan – he’s been staying with me since he got back from Europe, until he finds a place of his own. With everything that’s happened recently, I just . . . wasn’t thinking clearly. Last night I . . . I slept with him. I don’t know what the hell made me do it - "

Justin heard his own voice in his head.

"I know he still cares about me, he told me last night, but I . . ."

"You don’t love him like that anymore," Lindsay finished for him when his voice trailed off.

"Why’d I do it Lindsay?" he questioned. "When I knew that absolutely no good could come from it, why did I do it?"

The woman placed a soft hand on his shoulder.

"You were lonely," she offered. "You’ve felt lonely since your father passed away and you haven’t had a lover to comfort you the way that only they can. I don’t mean to sound psychological Justin, but it’s pretty obvious, and easy to understand why you didn’t it. Don’t beat yourself up trying to figure this out when you know the answer."

Justin sighed but looked into her eyes which were the color of his own.

"But that doesn’t change things," he added.

"You’re right," she agreed. "It doesn’t. But you can."

"I don’t wanna hurt him."

"You may have no choice. He has to find out sooner or later, only in this situation, later will hurt him more."

Justin exhaled and looked back to her painting. Of course, she was right. Lindsay always had a way of telling him what he needed to hear, good or bad. She reminded him of Debbie. The sudden image of Lindsay in a gaudy red wig cause him to laugh.

"What?" Lindsay smiled.

Justin looked back up and her wrapped his arms around her in an appreciative hug.

"Thanks Linz," he whispered.

"You’re welcome Jus," she responded.

The sound of the deadbolt sliding back to allow him to enter his apartment was the loudest noise that Justin had ever heard. The door felt like layered steel as he opened it and was immediately accosted by Ethan’s voice.

"Justin," he said, emerging from the couch. "I was worried, where did you - "

"This was a mistake."

Ethan’s face visibly slackened and then tightened again in confusion. Justin forced the air from his lungs as he realized that he had been holding his breath.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"What happened last night was a mistake. I never should have let it happen. I wasn’t thinking straight."

"What do you mean a mistake?"

"Ethan you know what I mean, please don’t make this any harder than it has to be."

"No, Justin, I know how I feel, it wasn’t a mistake."

"For you no, but . . . Ethan, I don’t feel that way about you anymore. I’m sorry. I still love and respect you as a friend and a musician, but not as al lover."

Ethan lowered his eyes, dropped his arms weakly to his sides and came towards him.

"So, what? Last night meant nothing to you? You just wanted a quick fuck and I was convenient?"

"That’s not fair," Justin defended. "You came on to me. I haven’t been the same since my father died."

"You still could have said ‘no’,"

"You’re right," Justin admitted. "I could have. But I wanted it Ethan. It wasn’t meaningless. I needed it. But I don’t anymore. I can’t lie to you."

Ethan turned from him and when Justin reached to take his arm he pulled it roughly from his grasp.

"I know how it sounds," he continued. "But I swear, I didn’t use you. I don’t know how else to explain this . . .I’m sorry."

The dark haired young man licked his lips and once again folded his arms across his chest.

"So what do we do now?"

Justin gazed back at him with honest eyes.