*~Shell Shock~*

The look. The feel. The air. The smell. Brian hated every aspect of hospitals. It only made it worse when he acknowledged to himself that the reason he was there was a broken 18-year-old boy who was lying comatose because of him. Every molecule in his body was screaming at him to turn and run, but something beyond his physical control was keeping his legs moving towards room 301. He’d had to work out an arrangement with the nurse for her to allow him to see Justin after hours. The thought of running into someone close him or to the damaged teenager made his knees tremble. Thankfully, she was willing to comply with little resistance.

"Mr. Kinney?"

Looking up, Brian realized that he had neared the room and the sweet-looking nurse was standing by the door questioning him.

"Yeah."

Taking a step towards him she extended her hand.

"You’re late."

Brian reached for her hand and lightly clasped it.

"Sorry."

Smiling she gently released him.

"It’s all right," she said. "My name’s Janet, I’m one of the nurses who’s been working with him."

Struggling to keep his emotions under control, Brian allowed the woman to direct him towards the door of the room with the tiny window partly covered by half-open blinds.

"Not much has changed since he arrived about a week ago," she explained softly. "He’s no longer in critical condition but . . ."

The nurse paused as if to give him time to comprehend.

"There is the chance that he won’t wake from the coma. But his signs are good. His blood pressure and heart beat remain steady."

As her slim hand moved to twist the doorknob she looked up to Brain who remained standing with his eyes downcast beside her.

"I can only give you about 10 minutes," she softly added.

Nodding once, Brian moved passed her and into the dimly lit room, barely noticing when the door closed softly behind him. There lying on the white bed under pale sheets was a little boy who’s complexion reminded him painfully of his stark surroundings. Breathing in, Brian walked around to the side of the bed and sat in a nearby chair. The steady beeping of the machine assured him that the young man lying prone beside him was alive. He felt a lump rising in his throat and, as he forced it into submission, he looked into the calm, sleeping face that appeared normal except for the small plastic tube running under his nose and the bandage at his top right temple. When he could no longer simply look at his limp body Brain leaned in and covered the still left hand with his right. Feeling the warmth only saddened him further rather than bringing him comfort.

"Justin," he whispered.

For a long time he waited. For a mumbled response, for a movement of the hand under his, for a sharp intake of breath, for an increase in heartbeat. Anything.

Nothing.

Slowly Brian moved his thumb over the teenager’s wan skin.

"Justin," he repeated ignoring the cracking in his voice. "Justin, Justin, Justin. . ."

The older man repeated his name as if he couldn’t stop.

". . .Justin. . . Christ, I’m sorry."

His vision blurred and as he blinked to clear it Brian felt the tear slide down his cheek. As soon as that little drop fell from his eye he knew he was in danger of loosing control. Indeed, as he tried again to speak he instead felt his shoulder began to tremble and after a few moments of resistance he lowered his lips to Justin’s hand and gave into his emotions. Brian had no idea how long he remained like that, crying silently against his fallen angel, before he was able to raise his head and look at him again.

"God, Justin I never meant for this to happen," he whispered desperately. "I never should have come. I should have left you alone. I never should have taken you home that night."

Reaching up he brushed a strand of blond hair from his forehead and cringed when he saw the stains of deep scarlet on the bandage.

"This wouldn’t have happened; he wouldn’t’ have come after you. You should be safe and happy getting ready to go the IFA but you’re not. You’re here because of me. And you may never open your eyes again."

Looking hard into his placid face he felt another tear escape his emotional eyes.

"You can’t stay like this," he continued. "You can’t stay here forever, you can’t die. Justin, you can’t give that to them. You can’t let them win now that you’ve come so far and proved them all wrong."

Pausing for a moment Brian tightened his grip on the motionless hand.

"Can you hear me?" he asked like a man would trying to rouse his lover. "Can you understand what I’m telling you? Justin, you can’t let this beat you. You’re so much stronger than this. You have to prove it to me, to them."

"Mr. Kinney?"

Sniffing, Brian cleared his eyes and looked up at the nurse who had returned. Giving him a sympathetic look she nodded her head, letting him know that it was time to go. Giving his hand a tight squeeze he stood and after casting one more look on him, walked away from the bed and towards the woman who guided him out of the room with a gentle hand on his back. As the door delicately closed, the moving green line on the machine next to Justin showed a slight increase in heartbeat before it once again returned to normal.

*~Resurrection~*

Trying his best to look calm and collected Justin stood near the back entrance of Melanie and Lindsay’s house. He’d stressed about going to an event with so many people but even in his state he couldn’t turn down Gus’ birthday party. Thankfully, Brain had not left his side since they’d arrived. As he nervously toyed with his hands, Justin watched Lindsay open her son’s next gift with Gus on her lap. As she reached into the colorful box the pretty woman let out a gasp of enthusiastic surprise and pulled out the miniature, yellow bat.

"Your son’s gonna be a baseball player!" She called out turning her head to Brian.

"Yeah, if you make a man outta him I’m gonna hold you personally responsible."

The laughter continued as the guests watched the toddler throw the bat around and then, clasping it within his tiny hand, Lindsay aided him in swinging it around. The slight smile that was playing on Justin’s lips gradually vanished as he suddenly became fixated on the yellow plastic. Closing his eyes he saw it.

Chris Hobbes.

Trying to shake the image from his mind he closed his eyes and slightly moved away. It was then that Brian noticed the change and carefully questioned him.

"Justin?"

JUSTIN!

He felt himself beginning to collapse from the inside out and by the time Brian had moved to him Justin felt as if he were going to break. Brian wrapped his arms around him as tightly as he dared knowing full well that the young man recoiled from touch. Out of reflex Justin attempted to push him away but after a moment gave in and clasped his hand on Brian’s protective arm, pulling him closer. Keeping his grip on him, Brian’s mind raced to figure out what best to do. Eyeing the open door behind them, the taller man leaned down and softly whispered into Justin’s shivering ear.

"Come on," he urged gently. "It’s okay… I’ve got you."

Justin pulled his face away from Brian’s chest but remained plastered to his body as his lover led him inside and onto the couch. When they sat down Justin pulled slightly away and kept his eyes downcast but his agitated breathing ceased to falter.

"Hey," Brian said wrapping his fingers around Justin’s chin and pulling his gaze up to meet his own.

As soon as the blond met Brian’s eyes he felt the remains of his inner wall crumble. Reaching for him, Brian pulled him back to his chest and slowly caressed his back as the teenager cried against him. There had been no doubt in Brian’s mind what had just taken place. He’d told him the horror story in more detail than he had ever wanted to repeat again. He’d re-created their last dance. He’d driven him back to that godforsaken parking garage. He’d nearly broken down in front of him twice and it was his son’s birthday present that had triggered his memory. Justin’s audible cries were dying down but his shoulders were still shaking when Debbie walked in. Knowing that the last thing Justin needed now was more attention, Brian held a hand up as Debbie saw them on the couch.

"Anyone know where the - "

Debbie’s face changed from one of elation to confusion and then settled on concern. As she was about to question the situation, Brian looked up at her with emotional eyes, gently pleading her not to say anything more.

"Brian?"

Moving his head slightly so that he press his ear to Brian’s heartbeat, Justin sniffed.

"Can we go home?"

Running a hand slowly into his hair Brian immediately answered.

"Yeah, we’ll go."

Debbie gave the man a sympathetic smile and then walked back out to the party. She’d tell Lindsay and Melanie what had happened. Brian just felt he lacked the ability to tell anyone and besides the last thing he wanted to do was leave Justin alone, if only for an instant.

"Come on," he whispered.

Justin wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve and hooked his arm tight around Brian’s waist as the older man led him to the jeep. Once he was sure that his smaller partner could stand unaided he hurried to the driver’s side and started the ignition. Silently, Justin crawled into the opposite side and Brian reached over to do his seatbelt as Justin closed the door. After securing the belt, Brian cupped the side of his face and looked into his watery, reddened eyes.

"You okay?"

Despite his belief that he was unable to, Justin gave him a little smile and even leaned into Brian’s gentle, hesitant kiss. When they pulled away Justin leaned back into the seat as Brian drove them back to the loft. The journey was silent, accompanied only by the sounds of the street, and the entire time Justin gazed mindlessly out at the passing sights. When they got back to the building Brian parked and put an arm around Justin’s slender waist as he felt him to the same. Justin leaned heavily on him and by the time they’d reached the sliding door the younger man felt he would fall over from his sudden exhaustion.

"Why don’t you go lie down?" Brain softly suggested. "Come on."

When they’d gotten to the bed Justin turned to Brian and spoke for the first time since he’d asked to be taken home at the party.

"Will you stay with me?" he asked almost shyly. "Please?"

Justin’s voice sounded on the brink of breaking again.

"Yeah," he answered. "Yeah. Here."

Brain slowly helped him out of his shoes and socks and, reaching down, undid the buttons of Justin’s jeans and slowly slid them down his legs. After he stepped out of them Justin entwined Brian's fingers in his own and lay on his side of the bed, pulling his lover down beside him. Again, the younger man sniffed and held back tears as Brian’s tightened their grip and rested his other hand under his head.

"It’s all right," he whispered reassuringly. "Everything’s okay."

Justin closed his eyes and it wasn’t long before he felt the tiny fingers gripped within his go limp. He wondered what this meant. How much would this episode help him to move on? Could he handle regular human contact? Could he allow himself to be touched intimately again? When he was certain that Justin was asleep he carefully slid away and moved off the bed to shut off the lights. Only then did he realize that his stomach was growling but before he could move to the kitchen he heard Justin moving behind him. Holding his breath he waited for him to wake but sighed in content when he only wrapped his arm around his waist and settled back down. Walking to the refrigerator, Brian soon closed it in disappointment when he viewed its lack of contents and instead he moved to shut off all the lights. When the only illumination left was the vibrant blue coming from the bedroom he followed it back up the steps and spied Justin sitting up on the mattress looking up at him with thankful, loving eyes.

"Better now?"

*~Shame of Pride*~

Justin rose from where he had been sitting on the bed the moment he heard Brian’s drunken voice accompanied by Michael’s harping one. Brian was rambling on about his new client, the homophobe with the shitty drinks, and through the fogged dividers he could see that Michael was having to assist him in walking. Moving slowly towards the steps he saw Brian close to his right.

"I saw him."

Brian and Michael turned to look at him questioningly.

"Chris Hobbes."

Instantly Brian’s face fell.

"Another dream?"

"He was at the hospice."

"What the fuck was he doing there?"

It was almost frightening how quickly Brian’s tone changed to something so furious.

"It’s where they assigned him his community service," Justin answered in the voice of a child.

"Is that some sort of sick joke?" Michael asked angrily.

"Did he do anything?" Brian gently pushed, rubbing his forehead.

"He said he hopes I get AIDS and die."

Brian met his watery eyes.

"Piece of shit!" Michael exclaimed as he walked around to help calm himself.

Looking up at Justin nearly broke his heart. How much longer was that asshole going to torture him?

"Forget it," Brian said walking up the steps to warmly embrace him. Fighting back his tears, Justin wrapped his arms tight around him.

"Get some sleep," Brian whispered before he pulled away to look into his face. "You’ve got a big day tomorrow."

"I’m not going," Justin said as if it took every ounce of strength he had.

Brian watched him slowly walk back into the dark bedroom.

"And miss your first PRIDE?"

Justin turned back to him sharply.

"What am I supposed to be proud of? That I got bashed and didn’t die?"

Brian said nothing as his wounded lover moved further into the shadows. Justin listened as Michael tried to defend him but Bran was having none of it since his friend had refused to march with Debbie once again. He heard Michael loudly curse Brian before the metal door roughly slid open and closed again. Sighing, Brian turned to see Justin sitting on the edge of the bed but his eyes appeared to be looking somewhere entirely different. Putting the bottle of the disgusting drink on the bedside table Brian moved to sit beside him. As soon as he wrapped his arm around Justin’s small shoulders the boy leaned into him and relaxed.

"It’ll be all right," he said softly.

Justin didn’t respond but leaned in more to the comfort that Brian’s body provided.

"He already took almost two weeks of your life," Brian continued. "Don’t let him have anymore."

Justin sighed but fully understood the message his partner was trying to send him.

"It’s hard," he confessed simply.

"I know," Brian agreed. "I know it is, but you have to overcome it, and I know you can."

All Justin wanted to say was "easier said than done". After all, it happened to him. How would Brian feel about losing so much time to such an intolerant act? Waking up screaming in terror because it was happening all over again? Feeling like you couldn’t breathe when too many people came around? How could he know? It was the older man’s sincerity that told him that it was possible. The fact that Brian had faith in him was all the assurance he seemed to need.

"So you’ll go," Brian stated and then leaned in close to kiss his cheek. "And you’ll have a fucking fabulous time."

Justin laughed a little under his breath and turned his head towards Brian who slowly leaned in again and kissed him softly on the mouth. When they pulled back Brian playfully nuzzled the side of his face with his nose before he moved to take a shower.

*~White Reunion~*

Justin softly sighed as he closed his book and put his hand written copy of his research paper on Renaissance Art away. He’d managed to get it all typed and had had his fill of reading for the next week or so. The sounds of the printer bounced lightly off the empty walls as the young man arched his back over the office chair and stretched. After the printer was done filling the white pages with his words Justin turned the computer off and placed his report on the table to that he could double check it tomorrow. Thankfully, he didn’t have any classes the next day and could put some finishing touches on it and hopefully spend some time with Brian. He had actually spent Saturday night at Debbie’s house after he found out Friday that it was too difficult to sleep in the large bed by himself and then wake up with a cold pillow next to him. The only reason he returned was that Brian was due back that night.

Justin had no idea what time, only that it was Sunday evening. For the past two hours every noise sounded like the hum of the elevator. As he stood he glanced at the clock. 9:30. Just as he was about to sit and attempt to pass the time with the Powerpuff Girls he once again thought he heard the whine of the cables. Instead of rushing over and sliding the door open as he’d done numerous times that evening, he waited and stood like a mouse before a snake until he heard the wooden gate slide up. Smiling, Justin ran towards the door and as he slid the metal back to find Brian with a large suitcase in his hand and a smaller bag slung over his broad shoulder. Skipping up to him, the young man flung his arms around his neck and pressed their lips together. Justin was startled when his lover pushed against him and broke their kiss.

"Sir?" Brian questioned. "Do I know you?"

Justin laughed.

"Shut up!"

Walking backwards Justin pulled Brian by his tie into the loft. As soon as they were clear of the door the tall man dropped his luggage and pulled Justin closer to him.

"Hmm," Justin moaned. "How was your trip?"

Brian smiled into his mouth.

"Hot and sticky."

"Oh," Justin said in a mock-disappointed tone. "I hope you’re not too sick of ‘hot and sticky’ yet."

"Never," Brian replied, grabbing Justin roughly by the front of his shirt and moved up the steps to the bed.

Nearly tripping over himself as Brian pulled him up the steps, Justin smiled and responded with equal vigor to Brian’s seemingly depraved mouth and, throwing all his weight on him, pushed the both of them down on the mattress. The younger man felt pleasure running though his veins like a drug as Brian wrapped his arms around his back and continued moving his mouth against his.

"Did you miss me?" Justin mumbled against his swelling lips.

Almost immediately after he’d said it Justin regretted having done so and was content and even relieved with Brian’s slight smile. Burying his face in his neck the young man inhaled the scent of his shampoo from his latest shower, assuring him that he would catch no other’s man’s smell on him, allowing him to at least imagine that Brian belonged only to him. Kissing the side of his neck he felt Brian run his hand into his hair and shifted their weight quickly, flipping him over onto his back. The older man smiled in amusement when he looked down into his lover’s flushed face, wrinkled clothes, and mussed hair. Lowering his mouth back down to his, he breathed against his lips.

"Where you a good boy while I was gone?"

Justin ginned and closed his eyes, reaching up to connect them again.

"Yes."

"Get your homework done?"

"Hm-mm."

"Get drunk? Get high? Get laid?"

"Of course."
Justin smiled even though his last statement was entirely false. All he’d done while Brian was away was his research paper and wonder when his lover was returning.

"That’s very good." Brian said slyly as his hands slid down to the waistband of Justin’s jeans.

Justin moaned in anticipation and caressed the side of his face softly and with complete adoration as his partner’s long fingers uncovered more bare skin. Looking into Brian’s preoccupied eyes he felt something inside him stir. It was the same feeling he had had when he’d woken up beside him on their first morning. When Brian had danced with him in his arms at his prom. When he’d held his hand so protectively walking down Liberty Avenue. When he’d made love to him slowly after the attack. Justin wanted to do nothing more at those moments then to tell Brian how much he loved him. How he fell helplessly since the night Brian picked him up outside Babylon and was falling deeper with every passing second. But each time he opened his mouth, something stopped him. What if everything changed? What with nothing changed? What if Brian said nothing? What if Brian told him he felt the same way? It was these thoughts that prevented him from expressing what his body yearned to scream at the top of his lungs.

"What’s wrong?"

The sound of Brian’s voice caused the younger man’s eyes to focus on him and he realized that he had been lying unresponsive for quite some time. Brian was looking down at him with a curious expression.

"Nothing," he responded craning his neck to kiss his lips. "Just thinking."

"That’s not much fun," Brian smirked as he slid back down Justin’s body. Feeling his lips at his navel, Justin wrapped his fingers in the brown hair and for the first time realized that his jeans had been thrown to the floor.

*~Birthday Treat~*

The sound of the violin danced throughout the loft as Justin turned around to Brian and explained to him what an amazing musician the young man he’d met was. Brian was fixing a broken chair and laughed on the inside at Justin’s sudden enthusiasm. Noticing his lover’s disinterest, the younger man walked over to him, removing one of Brian’s leather jackets that he’d let him borrow for the day, leaving him clad in his suit.

"You know, it wouldn’t hurt for you to expose yourself to a little culture."

"I’ve exposed myself to a little culture," he began. "There was an oboe player at one of the baths once."

Justin lightly hit his arm with the back of his hand and made a noise between disappointment and disgust. As Justin walked back over towards the CD player producing the beautiful music he slowly removed his suit jacket. The sound of the instrument was like something he had never heard before. The way the musician, Ethan was his name, commanded it was utterly captivating. The music however was suddenly muffled as the teenager felt Brian press himself up close behind him and cover his eyes with his right hand.

"Are you up for another birthday treat?" he whispered intimately against his ear.

Justin flinched in his hold but found that it was rather difficult to move. However, when he pulled his head away Brian let him go.

"No way," he said turning to him. "No fucking way."

Brian looked at him innocently and held his gaze as Justin stared at him in disbelief.

"I knew it!" he said hitting Brian playfully. "All that bullshit about not doing birthdays you were just gonna surprise me!"

As he spoke Justin was unable to repress a little bounce of joy and he, in a state of euphoria, wrapped his arms around Brian’s neck as the tall man pulled him closer by his tie. Brian’s right arm went around his slight waist and he grinned as the blond stood on his tiptoes and quickly kissed his lips.

"Oh," Justin said lovingly. "What is it?"

The nineteen-year-old sharply turned around and scanned the loft as quickly as he could before Brian’s hand moved back to cover his eyes and his other arm went around his chest and pulled him close.

"This way young man," he said deep in his throat.

Brian kept himself pressed close to Justin’s back as he maneuvered the two of them across the loft and towards the steps to the bedroom.

"I’m gonna trip," Justin exclaimed and soon after enforced his statement by yelping in surprise as he did indeed nearly trip over his feet. Brian carefully guided him up the stairs and soon stopped and wrapped his arms snugly around his chest. Justin smiled brightly as he felt Brian reaching for something with the hand that was not being used to block his vision. Inside his chest the boy’s heart beat vigorously as his ears picked up a faint crinkling sound. Kissing his side of his ear softly, Brian removed his hand that allowed Justin to see the bouquet of red roses embedded in a symphony of delicate baby’s breath in Brian’s other hand. To overcome with emotion to respond vocally, Justin reached forward to take the scarlet buds from his lover who rested his chin in the crook of his neck.

"Happy birthday," he whispered daintily against Justin’s smooth skin.

Justin felt a lump rising in his throat as his fingers tightened around the green stems that were wrapped in a thin, crisp plastic that protected him from the thorns. Bringing the velvet softness to his nose and inhaled and silently scolded himself when his vision became blurry. Taking in a deep breath he turned in Brian’s hold and wrapped his arms tightly around his back, resting he flowers against him as well.

"Thank you," Justin said quietly as he buried his face in Brian’s shoulder.

Brian didn’t say anything but Justin could feel him smile against him. After squeezing him tightly, Justin pulled back and kissed him sweetly gently before he ran his fingertips down his cheek. Smiling, Brian reached out and silently brushed a tear away.

"Allergies," Justin half-heartily defended.

Brian grinned at him and leaned forward to kiss his temple.

"I know."

*~Partners~*

"Hey Sunshine!" Brian sang out as walked past the large steel door with his bag and a bottle of champagne. "Come congratulate me. Your partner just made partner."

Lowering his bags Brian looked around only to discover that Justin was not there. Moving into the bedroom with his luggage he noticed that the new sweater he’d bought Justin about a month ago was not hanging in the closet as it normally did. Placing the bottle on the nightstand he opened the dresser and saw that some of the youth’s other clothes were missing as well. For a moment the newly-made partner stood in silence. He wouldn’t have gone to Vermont . . . and without telling him? It soon sunk in however that that was precisely what Justin had done. On the dresser was the second ticket; Justin had gone alone. Brian’s mind raced with possibilities as he stood and placed his hands on his hips. Before he could change his mind he reached into the closet for his other suitcase and packed yet another set of clothes for the intense weather.

In less than 20 minutes he was ready to go and the instant he heard the buzzer he raced outside and climbed into the waiting cab. On the short ride to the airport he called ahead and purchased a one-way ticket to Vermont since he’d taken the other ticket with him and it was two way and he certainly had no desire to leave before Justin did. Brian only hoped he was able to get to him before too much time was lost, or before the younger man grew so angry with him that he refused to speak to him. He had hated to feeling of coming home to no one when he had been so certain that Justin would be there waiting for him and he wanted to be reconnected with his lover as soon as possible. The plane ride seemed much longer than his brain told him it was and the entire time all he could think about was that he couldn’t believe what he was doing. Since when did Brian Kinney ever chase anyone, especially across states? Then again, this wasn’t the first time Justin had him crossing state lines to get him back.

A little more than three hours later he finally found himself at the front desk of the B&B that Justin had found a few days ago. He informed the man that he was Brian Kinney who Justin had also put down when he’d booked the room a few days ago and apparently never called to change it. Grabbing a hold of his baggage again Brian made his way to the second floor and quietly slipped his key into the lock before he slowly opened the door. The inside was exactly what Justin had described to him only it was a little difficult to make out details for the room was void of all artificial light. Fireplace. Jacuzzi. Extremely nice. Placing his things down he looked around and finally found what he was seeking.

Lying on his side on the enormous bed was Justin, sleeping soundly on top of all the covers in all his clothes, as if he’d just curled up there to rest. Brian smiled and walked over to the bed, carefully sitting down on the edge and gentle touched the side of the young man’s face. After a moment, he felt the soft skin beneath his fingertips begin to move and as he continued to softly caress him the eyelids slowly twitched. Brian grinned as he caught the first glimpse of cobalt peeking out from beneath their hood of skin. Before his eyes opened fully however, Justin reared up and moved his hands up in preparation to either protect himself or shove the invader away.

"Whoa!" Brian said moving his own hands up in the air in surrender. "It’s all right, it’s me."

Justin squinted his eyes and then seemed to realize that the image of Brian’s before him was neither a vision nor a dream.

"Brian?"

Laughing a little, the dark haired man lowered his hands and slid closer to him.

"Yeah," he said softly. "Way to make me feel welcome."

"What are you doing here?" Justin questioned.

"I have big news," he confessed as he reached to touch the side of his face. "You weren’t there when I got home, so I came to find you."

"You came all this way just to tell me something?"

Brian cocked his head slowly.

"Partly, yes"

Justin did not say anything further he only continued to look into Brian’s eyes until his lover gave him a little smile and very carefully kissed his mouth.

"And I missed you."

"You missed me?" Justin asked arching an eyebrow.

Brian gave him a look and leaned in to rest his forehead against his. Satisfied, Justin moved closer to him and all but crawled into his lap as he slipped his arms around his neck.

"So, what’s your big news?"

*~Japanese Romance~*

Entering the loft Brian's gaze moved immediately to the floor where Justin was bent lighting the final candle surrounded by pillows and small tray of food and a bottle of wine. As he came closer and shrugged off his jacket, Justin's eyes moved up and caught his gaze.

"What the fuck is that?" Brain questioned more out of surprise than annoyance.

"A picnic," Justin answered in a small voice as he righted himself.

"A picnic," Brian responded absentmindedly.

I went to the store and got a lot of cool expensive stuff," Justin said as he walked over towards him. "Brie, pâté, French -"

The last item on the list was silenced as Brian wrapped his arm around his back and connected their lips. Justin closed his eyes and moaned into his lover's mouth as Brian did when his smooth fingers found their way into his soft, dark hair.

"Now you know I don't eat fat," Brian said bending down to pick up a piece of cheese. "Or carbs after seven."

"I know," Justin said innocently as he entwined their fingers. "But I thought . . . just this once."

"We could dine on the floor?"

Brian fell to the hardwood pulling Justin down with him onto the numerous pillows. The young blond smiled and chuckled softly as he moved to cradle Brian's body across his bent knees.

"This is Pittsburgh not Japan."

"Aw come on," Justin gently pushed as he placed a soft kiss on his neck. "It'll be romantic."

Immediately Justin wished that he could retract his last statement. If there was one other word that turned him off just as much as "love" it was "romance". The nervous teenager held his breath as he rested his chin on his stubborn lover's shoulder and waited to be shot down. When some painfully long moments passed without Brian saying anything, Justin was unable to keep quiet.

"Please?" he breathed against his ear.

Brian slowly swallowed his cheese in his mouth and then looked around the room before he picked up the wine bottle by its neck.

"You got any glasses?"

Justin grinned from ear to ear and immediately reached over Brian's long body to the two wineglasses that he'd placed next to the tray. As Brian pulled himself off Justin's lap in order to fill the crystal ovals with the full-bodied wine, the blond moved to work on the rich, delicate food on the small tray settled amid the pillows careful to avoid the candles. Justin prepared a small quantity and handed Brian a cracker decorated with a thin layer of pâté for his approval.

"It’s not bad."

Justin lowered his eyes and smiled in a moment of nostalgia.

It’s always better the second day.

"I’m glad you liked it," he responded. "I had to use the money I’ve saved from working at the diner to get it."

"Good, it’ll teach you the value of a dollar," Brian smirked. "Maybe then people will stop calling me your ‘sugar daddy’."

"You’re not my ‘sugar daddy’," Justin said smiling.

"Try telling them that."

"You’re just my older lover who gives me money."

Brian looked into Justin’s smiling eyes and scooted closer to his smaller form on the floor.

"I just like to take care of what’s mine," he whispered. "Don’t go around thinking you’re special."

"Oh, but I am," Justin said back as he leaned in to kiss him. "That’s why I’m still here."

The young man pulled himself closer and finally closed the distance between them. He immediately felt Brian respond but pulled away so that he could press his point.

"I’m only here because you think I’m special."

As tempted as he was to add "and because you love me" Justin resisted. Sometimes he was amazed at what Brian would let him get away with and yet he always felt the need to press it further. It was true however; the only reason Justin was sitting on the floor with Brian at that moment was because of the older man’s feelings for him. He allowed him to live with him in his loft despite various bumps and potholes along the way. Who knows? If Brian hadn’t yelled his name that night he might be dead. Brian’s gaze suddenly moved away and after a moment he cleared his throat and reached for the wine bottle. Despite the full glass next to him, the older man wrapped his long fingers around the bottle neck and brought it to his lips and Justin shut his eyes when he soon after felt his mouth on his as his lover kissed the wine into him. Feeling it slide down his throat Justin lurched forward and roughly pulled Brian to him by the back of his neck. Separating his lips with his tongue Justin fell backwards, pulling Brian down with him. Keeping their lips locked Brian moved the small tray out of the way as he toed his shoes off. The young man pulled his lover’s body down on top of his with a seemingly insatiable hunger and slipped his hands down between them to work the buttons of his pants. Smiling, Brian reached behind the blond head and snuffed out a nearly candle with a pinch of his fingers.

*~Human Behavior~*

The colorful melange of lights hindered Brian’s search through the dancing bodies for a particular young blond. The moment Justin had met his eyes in the backroom he’d realized that he had made the biggest mistake of his life. Brian had told himself that for his own good he pushed Justin away, like he did so dramatically to Michael on his thirtieth birthday last year. From the very beginning he knew that Justin would be doing himself no favors by being with him. Brian told him the night he came back to talk to him that he was nothing, just a fuck. He told himself that it was for his own good that he’d sent him away in tears. Yet, as he’d walked away something in his own mood had changed as well. It had been much more difficult that he’d imagined to send the gentle, love-struck teenager away and he found that as Justin refused to be forgotten he became less resistant. Now while he still believed that it would be better for Justin to leave and move on, he now knew that sending him away forever was a horrible mistake which would change his life like no other event, short of his son being born, had or would.

As his eyes finally spotted the familiar blond locks he began to move towards him but stopped at the sight of the dark haired man standing next to him. Ethan. Over the past few days that name had been scorched into his mind. Now, unaware that he was watched, the violinist spoke to Justin and then pulled their lips together. Brian could have sworn that his heart ceased to beat. Never before had he seen Justin kiss someone like he was kissing Ethan now, like he has kissed him so many times before. It was like being stabbed. In the midst of the crowd Debbie and Michael watched and waited for Brian’s reaction that had so far not come. It was then that Ethan’s dark eyes opened and he noticed Brian’s penetrating stare. When Justin felt Ethan pull away he quickly followed his gaze and meet Brian’s eyes as the older man lowered his head slightly and pulled off the black mask. Even though the two men were engulfed in lively music they were unable to hear any of it. For Brian, everything around him vanished and he became wholly attentive to the young man standing far from him. Ethan remained close at Justin’s side and offered Brian a look of helplessness but he could not focus on him. Feeling something inside alert Brian to the serious danger of the situation he felt his mouth move almost involuntarily to silently form the three words that Justin had been starving for since the night they met.

Instantly, he saw the change in Justin’s eyes and felt water fill his own. Never in his life did he feel as vulnerable as he felt now. Then, Justin gave him a sad smile and turned to Ethan before the two young men walked out of Babylon together. In that small moment Brian felt as if gravity was beating down on him. His knees trembled, his head was light and he felt as if he could curl up and wither away into nothing. The defeated man could feel his best friend’s worried eyes on him but he knew that if he met his caring glance it would all be over. He would crash and burn in the middle of his domain. Turning away, he crumpled up the mask in his fist and tossed it to the floor as he made his way to the back exit. Everything was unbearably hot and when he finally reached the door the rush of cold air soothed him like a raindrop to a parched garden. Inhaling deeply he blinked to clear his eyes and turned to walk towards his jeep that seemed miles away. As he moved out of the ally and entered the desolate parking lot he turned at the sound of his name.

"Brian!"

No sooner had he rotated his body that Justin flung himself into his arms. The feeling was overwhelming and unbelievable and as Justin secured his grip on him Brian heard him cry out against him in anguish and tighten his hold as he picked the youth off his feet for a short period of time. When Brian felt his mouth on his, a feeling that he was sure he had lost forever, he kissed his as passionately as he ever had. As if he stopped Justin would fly away. When the boy pulled back, he resisted, but allowed him to do so as long as he could keep his arms tight around him.

"Was that so fucking difficult?" Justin asked in an emotional voice.

Brian blinked back the tears that still lingered on the brink.

"Why did you leave?"

Justin adoringly cupped the side of his face.

"Babylon isn’t exactly the best place to end a relationship Brian," he explained softly.

"Yeah well you fuckin’ scared me," Brian admitted.

Justin smiled again and kissed his warm lips once more before he stood on tiptoe and rested his chin on his shoulder as he hugged him tightly.

"I’m sorry," he breathed. "I won’t ever scare you again."

Brian rubbed his back as Justin kissed his ear.

"You’re never leaving my sight now, you know," he continued. "I love you Brian."

Brian’s entire body relaxed at the sound of those words and as a tear finally slipped free he nuzzled into Justin’s hair and breathed him in.

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