Family

 

Angel was leaning against the window staring out over the city that lay below him. In his hand was a glass that Spike figured was filled with the Scotch his Grandsire preferred. The sadness on Angel’s face was what Spike noticed the most though. It was etched so deeply into the planes of a face that should never age or weather but yet his still told the tale of a life that had never been easy.

 

“Go away, Spike.”

 

“Don’t think so,” Spike said, walking over to the table where the liquor bottle was. He picked it up and sniffed before pouring himself a glass. “It’s one of the few things that I like about this place. They don’t skimp on the booze. How old is this? As old as you?”

 

“I’m not in the mood to put up with your shit,” Angel said, turning to look at his Childe over his shoulder.

 

“Don’t really care,” Spike said, coming to stand beside the other vampire. “You don’t need to be alone right now. The others are too scared of your temper to venture up. I volunteered.”

 

It had only been an hour since Cordelia Chase had been laid to rest in a private cemetery that wasn’t under the control of Wolfram & Hart. It was a beautiful place that overlooked the city. Fred had found it and Wesley had arranged the service. Angel had insisted on a small service with just the immediate gang. The others, Buffy and them, hadn’t even been told of her demise yet. It still wasn’t a reality yet for any of them.

 

“Like you care.”

 

“Maybe not,” Spike said, lying. “But like I said I’m here so you may as well take advantage of my company.”

 

“What do you want?” Angel said. “To see me in pain? Well, take a good look because I am. To taunt me about loving Cordy when I’m supposedly in love with Buffy? Go, find Buffy, do whatever you want, you will anyway.”

 

“It’s not your pain I’m looking for,” Spike said, softly. He put his drink down, a little surprised that he hadn’t even taken a taste. “And as for the being in love, well, I know that you can be in love with two people at the same. Been there once…a long time ago.”

 

Angel gave him a strange look but he didn’t ask. He didn’t need to. Love and hate had been intertwined so tightly in his relationship with Angel that after awhile it was all the same thing. It still was and it was something that Spike was discovering the longer he was in Los Angeles.

 

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” Angel said, hoarsely. “Buffy doesn’t love me anymore.”

 

“No,” Spike said, being his usual honest self. “You told me that Andrew said that she doesn’t trust you. Love and trust are two totally different things. She has very good reason not to trust you.”

 

This time when Angel looked at him his eyes were filled with anger. “I wouldn’t have let anything happen to that girl.”

 

“Oh, I wasn’t talking about Dana being the reason not to trust you.” Spike smiled as the anger faded to a quizzical stare. “I was referring to the fact that you killed Willow’s fish. No reason to trust you after that bit of cruelty.”

 

It brought the smile that Spike wanted and even a small hint of laughter. There was hope to get through to Angel after all. The laugher quickly changed to a choked sob.

 

“Oh, god, I miss her so much.”

 

“I know, Ang, I know,” Spike whispered, cupping Angel’s face. “She was a good woman. She was right about her soul being better than mine. Maybe one day…”

 

“You’re on the right path,” Angel said, catching and keeping Spike’s eye. His hand covered the one still on his cheek. “I’m kind of glad you’re here.”

 

“I knew it,” Spike smiled. “It’s my hot little body, isn’t it?”

 

“Only one of the reasons,” Angel agreed, smiling. He pulled the hand over and kissed the palm of Spike’s hand before letting it drop. He sighed. “Where did everyone go?”

 

“Downstairs in your office,” Spike said. “They’ve got dinner and some more drinks. They need to be with you as bad you need them.”

 

“Call them up,” Angel said.

 

Not giving him time to change his mind, Spike rushed over to the phone. He beeped down to Angel’s office and let Wesley know to bring everyone up. It took only a minute for the elevator to open and everyone to spill out. Fred took charge with putting dinner out while Harmony buzzed around heating up blood for the vampires. Lorne poured everyone drinks. Spike felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to find Angel there.

 

“It’s nice to have family, isn’t it, boy?”

 

“Yeah, it is,” Spike said, feeling a part of the group since he had gone drinking with them. “It’s real nice.”

 

 

 

Again

 

 

He was here again. Angel sighed and watched his Childe come into his bedroom. Spike didn’t say anything; just shed his clothes until he was standing nude in the moonlight. All the descriptions that could be used to describe the younger vampire crossed Angel’s mind. The clichés he had uttered a thousand times over the years, pale, marble, hard, gorgeous, alabaster, beautiful, innocent, lethal, lonely, needy and loving, were all still there but with a few new ones added to the mix, wise, comforting, and friend. It was the last one that confused Angel the most.

Spike had said it again earlier without compunction that he didn’t like him. He was only staying because of what was coming but yet there he stood, nude and waiting, for Angel to render judgment. It wasn’t difficult and Angel pulled back the black satin sheet for Spike to join him. Since the night of Cordelia’s funeral there had been something flickering between them again. It wasn’t every brought out in the light of day, around the others or even each other.

A shock went through Angel’s system as the cool body of Spike settled next to him. It had been years since they had shared this much contact. They lay side by side staring at the ceiling. Two creatures, vampires, men who had a long, painful but yet reverent relationship that kept them connected to each other. They had loved, hated, fought and shared the same women but there was more between them. There was their own physical desire for the other that had nothing to do with the women in their past. Maybe it was because the women in their lives never stayed, never loved long enough and were never safe. In the end it was always the two of them.

Fingers met and entwined on the bed between them.

“You could have gone to Buffy,” Angel said. “I offered.”

“I know but I need to do this,” Spike said. “I told her before…before that I had to see where it went. If it was only going to lead me back to her then I should have left when she wanted me to back in the cave. There’s still something I need to do.”

If anyone would understand that, it was Angel. He was always driven to do what was expected, what he was supposed to do, no matter the personal price to himself. It didn’t matter that Spike never responded when he mentioned losing Cordelia. He didn’t have to because Angel knew that Spike understood. His Childe had lost Buffy twice; once to death and once to life. It was why he did speak of his loss to him. They shared the same pain.

Maybe it was time they shared the same pleasure.

Angel turned on his side and let his free hand rest on Spike’s chest. He wanted to know if it still felt the same or if time had changed his memories. The small brown nipple puckered when Angel leaned down and flicked it with his tongue. His hand floated under the sheet and across his Childe’s abdomen to hook around his hip. He pulled Spike onto his side until they were facing each other. For a long time they just gazed at each other, accepting what they were going to do, accepting that it was just beginning again between them.

They didn’t need to explain to each other. They were beyond words. Finally with a soft sigh, Spike took the plunge, pressing his lips and body into his grand-sire’s, risking everything by letting himself be vulnerable. He shouldn’t have worried because Angel was waiting to catch him.

 

 

Morning

 

 

It was that time of morning, right before dawn that sends vampires scurrying back to their current domicile. Always a little death that reminded them they weren’t invincible gods no matter what the night told them or their latest meal thought. The first rays that chased at their heels as they went back into the shadows. Even if they didn’t sleep in coffins it was an applicable metaphor. They were boxed, caged, confined until night fell.

It was the time that they hid.

Angel watched Spike as he slowly put his clothes back on. The bed was cold already. The passion spent. The emotions guarded again. And Spike was leaving him. Angel rubbed a hand over his eyes in hopes that he would wake as he had earlier, wrapped around the body of his lover. Not this. Not this loneliness that felt raw and bleeding in the wake of what he had shared with his favored Childe.

They were back to secrets.

He closed his eyes and turned his head waiting for the soft swoosh as the elevator took William away from him. He was surprised when the bed gave under the weight of the other vampire. Lips pressed to his.

“Don’t,” Spike whispered. “The others aren’t ready to accept us. I’m not leaving you.”

Blue eyes bore into his, telling the truth of the heart of the man that wore them. His words weren’t lies. And he was right. After losing Fred, they couldn’t announce the change. Angel nodded, tangled his fingers into blonde curls, and pulled him forward. The kiss was full of the trust that their bodies had established.

It was their secret and that made all the difference.

 

 

Fire

 

It was late. The day was over. The offices were emptying out. It seemed Fred had affected everyone. No one wanted to be there where her presence lingered everywhere. Angel knew he should go upstairs to his apartment. Count his losses and try to figure out where they should go from there. They were scattered. All of them were alone with their grief.

 

His head sagged back on his chair. The silence was so loud that it crackled around him. Until footsteps coming down the stairs let him know that someone else was there. He knew who it was. The tread of his boots smacking against the wood, the swish of the leather duster and the tapping of his fingers against his jeans gave it all away. Angel waited until the figure appeared in his door.

 

“Ready to call it a night?” Spike asked.

 

“Yeah, you want to go out or…?”

 

“My place,” Spike said.

 

Angel nodded. He grabbed his jacket and keys before following Spike to the main elevator. They didn’t speak until they approached the viper.

 

“I’ll drive,” Spike said, holding his hand out for the key.

 

“Oh, come on, you drove last time. It’s my turn.”

 

Spike leaned closer so he could whisper in Angel’s ear. “You let me drive and I’ll give you first choice.”

 

“That’s ridiculous,” Angel said, with a small grin. “I’m always on top anyway. So, what’s with this choice thing? You face down on the bed with my cock up your ass. The usual.”

 

“That’s because you’re boring,” Spike said, snatching the key and climbing in. He waited until Angel was beside him. “There’s like hundreds of different positions and you’re stuck in a rut.”

 

“Well, okay, what do you want to do?”

 

“Hold on.”

 

Angel should have known to never give Spike control. He’d been manipulated. It was easy to tell from the grin on his Childe’s face. Maybe it was time to give up. Live for the moment because the moments were winding down. He’d tried to do the right thing, not to push, to be the noble hero, and he’d lost them. Seeking comfort, a connection to something real, his hand slipped onto Spike’s thigh. A jolt of excitement ran through him. It made him feel like he had centuries ago when he was first discovering sex, the anticipation in the pit of his stomach, the wonder of what was going to happen, and the freefall of giving another control.

 

“Where are we going?” Angel asked when he realized they had passed the turn that would take them to Spike’s apartment.

 

“Oh, somewhere,” Spike said. “Don’t worry your pretty head and relax.”

 

“I think I’m scared.”

 

“Virgins always are.”

 

Their eyes met. Spike’s eyes were telling tales on him again. There was the mirth, the recklessness, the need to live for now, the deep compassion and the love that he’d hidden for so long. If Spike was ready to take chances then he was going to let go too.

 

“Yeah, they are, aren’t they?”

 

The car picked up speed. The radio blasted out this song, ‘Fire’ sung by some new group, and all was right with the world. They were insulated for the moment. Well, at least they were until the car pulled into a seedy motel that overlooked the ocean.

 

“Nice place you’ve chosen to take my cherry,” Angel quipped, as he climbed out.

 

“Didn’t think that you were going to be that great of a lay. So, I didn’t bother to get anything better,” Spike said, pulling a key from his pocket. He dangled it in front of Angel. “I’ve been planning this since yesterday so just be a good boy and cooperate.”

 

Angel followed Spike into the room; waited until the door shut then he grabbed Spike, and pushed him against the door. There was no anticipation or courting as he pressed their lips together. It was pure hunger and heat as they tangled. Teeth crashed together, lips were only in the way as they tried to devour each other. Spike pushed off from the door, using the momentum to back Angel across the room and onto the bed. They fell in a heap, still kissing, still holding onto each other.

 

This was familiar. This was comfortable. Angel wrapped his arms around the vampire on top of him, rolling them, until their positions were reversed. Spike’s knees came up. His legs falling open and Angel settled in between them, like he had a thousand other times. Their erections strained against their pants trying to find the other, rubbing, creating friction as their movements increased.

 

Spike’s fingers clutched at his Sire’s hair as Angel moved his lips to the blonde’s throat. He nipped, and licked at the neck laid bare before him. He tasted the saltiness, the cologne, the pure richness that was Spike. Angel cupped Spike’s ass, pulling him up, bringing their cocks closer. His Childe was pure motion, his hips dancing to bring them pleasure, as they found the familiar pattern. Breathy moans filled the air around them, telling of their need and total joy of this act with the other. Soon clothes would be discarded and Angel would be driving into the smaller body beneath him.

 

It was the usual.

 

“Ang, stop for a minute,” Spike whispered. “Please.”

 

Never before had he been asked to stop. Never pleaded with. There had been struggles, fights, screams, and blood spilled but never before a whispered request. And Angel stopped, rolling onto his back, sighing his frustration and wondering what this game was that Spike wanted to play.

 

Spike followed him. One slim hand lay on his stomach, a head lay on his shoulder and he couldn’t resist. His arms closed around Spike, drawing him closer, because if this was what Spike needed then he would give it gladly. He wouldn’t lose another.

 

“Things have changed,” Spike said. “I’ve changed. You’ve changed. And…I want us to change, too.”

 

Weakness, frailty, need, hope and love all revealed in those few short sentences. A long time ago he would have beaten his Childe for this. Ridiculed and humiliated the younger vampire into submission and back into the bravado of fists and fangs. It was the only way that William could survive in that world.

 

And that world was gone.

 

“What do you want?”

 

Tension was released in the body that he held. Fear was still a delicate aroma in the air around them but it was dissipating quickly. Spike leaned up on an elbow to look down at him. The darkness was all around them but he could see what he needed to see on that face.

 

Fire.

 

The need for more. The need for something new. Something that wouldn’t disappear as easily as the humans around them did. And a primal need that spoke to both man and demon.

 

Love.

 

Making love.

 

Something they’d never shared.

 

Passion. Desire. Lust. Need. Fucking. Shagging. And a thousand other words but never before had they labeled it making love.

 

It was what they had been doing in the last couple of weeks but hadn’t dared to say it aloud.

 

Spike wanted to label it.

 

It was what Buffy had done to him. She had used his body and love unmercifully until it was too late for Spike to accept the love she had carried for him all along.

 

And his Childe couldn’t go through that again. It almost broke him before and it would destroy him now.

 

If Angel couldn’t love him then he needed to leave. He needed to stop this now before it went too far.

 

He didn’t need to think. Angel’s hand tangled in Spike’s hair, drawing him down into a kiss that was as innocent as a first. They tested and tasted this new thing between them. Tongues dipped and played then drew back.

 

“I love you, Spike,” Angel vowed.

 

“Bout damn time you said it, wanker.”

 

Angel rolled over, slapping Spike’s ass as they laughed together. They might be falling in love but they were still them. It felt good as they wrestled on the bed. Giving and taking, pinning then rolling gave slowly to caresses, hands that followed over the lines of their bodies, reaching under clothing to stoke the flames between them. The rasping sound of zippers going down gave way to groans as hands reached inside to find waiting cocks.

 

“We need to get naked,” Spike said, stroking Angel’s cock with a gentle hand. “It doesn’t feel like you can wait much longer.” His thumb flicked across the tip gathering the drops of his Sire’s pre-cum before taking it to his mouth to taste it.

 

It was all Angel needed as he rolled off the bed and yanked his clothes from his body. Spike slid off the other side of the bed to do the same. They stood facing each other. Eyes gazing upon the glory of the other before they knelt on the bed, crawled to the middle and embraced each other. No more darkness. They were going to set the world ablaze with what they were becoming.

 

Angel fell back against the bed, taking Spike with him, opened his legs and welcomed the weight of the blonde between them. He felt the surprise in his Childe but Spike didn’t say a word, just repositioned himself so they were aligned together.

 

“Make me yours,” Angel said. His tone almost defiant as he offered something he never had before. He hoped that by making himself vulnerable he would gain the one thing he never had before. A mate that wouldn’t leave him or that he didn’t have to leave, someone that would always be there.

 

Spike froze. Angel closed his eyes as his own fear returned. Rejection seemed to be looming close again. He was as vulnerable as Spike. He skimmed his hands along the smooth plane of his Childe’s back to wrap around his shoulders and tug Spike back down to him. He pressed his lips against unresponsive ones. He tried again and this time he was rewarded with a small kiss. Angel didn’t give up, running his tongue along clamped tight lips, dividing them to flick against teeth. He wasn’t going to give up. He brought his knees up so there was more of a cradle for Spike’s hips. His hands reached down to clasp at the firm buttocks of his Childe.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

All he had wanted was a place to belong, a sanctuary from the world that was slowly driving him to despair. If he could have the approval and protection of the one he had hated and fought with for so long then he knew he could continue to fight. He could become the helper of the helpless because it was the right thing to do and not for her, not for approval, and not to show the world a damn thing but that he was a good man.

 

This thing with Angel wasn’t supposed to come to this. He’d tried to deny the feelings that were growing in him since the first night they had made love. The night they had lost Fred. The night that he had started to feel like they were losing. The contact had given him hope. Surrendering to his Sire, to a dark knight that had already fought for too long, Spike thought he might find the strength to stay. A part of him wanted to run to Buffy. Together they could lick their wounds, bond again. It would be them against the world and he would never know the depth of his own soul. To stay here and fight would prove that.  It would show him who Spike really was as he stood on his own two feet.

 

Now this.

 

The declaration of love.

 

An offer to take what had never been offered before.

 

A plead to belong.

 

If he couldn’t accept Angel’s love. If he couldn’t take what he had asked for then he needed to go now. He would have to leave Los Angeles and never return. Next time the damage between Angel and he could never be repaired.

 

If he stayed then he would have to give up his dreams of Buffy. It was one or the other. The reality in his arms or the dream he’d been chasing for years.

 

Spike opened his mouth to take. He took the love, the hope, the need and made it his own. They were ready, past ready, and he pulled away.

 

“Are you leaving?” Angel asked.

 

“No,” Spike said, reaching into the drawer next to the bed. “Just getting this.” He held up the tube of lube before settling between Angel’s legs again. “You sure?”

 

Angel nodded. Spike kissed him again. Their mouths gave way to tenderness that had never been there before. An exploration of the future they were going to create together. It was burning between them again as hands slid over flesh that trembled. This blaze was out of the realm of what should be defined by gender, blood and society rules. This was reduced to two creatures needing what the other could give.

 

Spike slipped his hand behind Angel’s thigh, opening him further, directing his Sire to rest his foot across his back. He flipped the top of the lube. It was taken from his hand and Angel squirted it out into his fingers. Together. Spike looked up, staring into eyes that showed the fear that quivered in the belly of the man below him.

 

“’s’all right Luv,” Spike said. “Going to take good and proper care of ya.”

 

“I know.”

 

Trust.

 

His fingers dipped between the crevice to find the entrance that had never been breached before. The first strokes were met by a deep sigh, the first finger slipped inside made Angel buck, then tighten around his digit as he strained for more. It was a request Spike wasn’t going to refuse. Spike returned to watch the expressions on Angel’s face as a second finger slid inside.

 

It was a first for him, too. Never before had there been a beginning filled with such softness. Every new lover was given to him in violence or blood. And he hated to admit the only one that had come close to this had been Harmony. And that was because it was the only way to get her into bed. But it didn’t have this need, this yearning to make it right, didn’t have these emotions that were clogging his head.

 

Tomorrow he might call himself a ponce, a Nancy boy, and have to fight a hundred demons to reassert his masculinity but tonight he was wrapped up in a haze of love that made him feel complete. And he hoped that tomorrow wouldn’t find him wanting to apologize for it.

 

Because this felt right.

 

Spike positioned his cock at the entry, took one look upwards to lock eyes, then pushed forward. It was tight, and Angel squirmed below him in the pain of being filled for the first time. Spike stopped and waited but Angel wanted none of it.

 

“It makes it real.”

 

He moved forward, encasing his cock deep inside his Sire. He balanced his weight on his hands and pulled back. When he slid in again, Angel used his heels to push upwards to meet him. Spike chuckled and let it go. They were back to them again. Neither giving in as they moved together. Hands clutched at his hips, driving him further in, every thrust met. Angel moved one hand from Spike’s ass to wrap around his own cock. Their bodies rocked together, growing more violent as their momentum grew. The bed rocked and squeaked and the sound of flesh slapping against flesh made the music they moved to.

 

“You enjoying this?” Spike asked; as he ground down to go a little deeper. His balls smashed against Angel’s ass. “You want it all don’t you?”

 

“Yes,” Angel moaned. “Fuck me, boy.”

 

Spike moved to his knees, bringing Angel’s legs over his shoulder, wrapping his hands around Angel’s thighs. This way he thrust harder, deeper, filling more, and he could watch. Angel was going fast. His eyes were rolling back in his head as he tugged and jerked on his cock. Spike’s mouth watered wishing he could taste and take what he could only gaze upon. The motions of his hips slowed as he watched in fascination the living thing held by Angel’s hand. It jerked and rolled, releasing its life force that spilled over and down onto his Sire’s stomach.

 

The sacrifice had been made. The cock that had been so alive a moment ago grew soft. It’s willingness to give gone and Spike roared in jealousy. He lifted Angel, the legs slipped from his shoulder to drape over his arms as he pounded into the once virgin ass of his lover. He thrust and ground, only giving thought to his own release. The flesh that held him in its velvet grasp squeezed and rolled him until he threw his head back. The orgasm took its toll from every part of his body. His cum spent. The deed was done and his exhausted body fell into the waiting arms of his Angel.

 

It was just the beginning.

 

 

To be continued…

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