The campus was flooded with students moving about as if there was some great purpose to their migration. Spike smiled as he walked amongst them observing their joy and misery of college life. After a quick glance at the Rolex that now graced his wrist he picked up his pace toward the Science Building while his other hand took a moment to absently caress the present from Buffy.

While Raven had been planning her birthday party, she had asked her parents about their birthdays. She had marked Buffy’s in her calendar after being told and her gaze fell to Spike in anticipation of him divulging his. It had been Buffy who had quietly told her that Spike didn’t celebrate birthdays. The marking of the years wasn’t important to someone who would live forever. In light of the fact that his body was now aging and he had still refused to give up his actual birth date, the women in his house had decided the day of his change would be his day of marking. They had planned a small belated family party with just the four of them to celebrate. There had been a cake and presents, the watch from Buffy and sunglasses from Raven.

It was one of the nicer things about the changes. As much as he had wanted to be there for his family no matter what the time of day, there were a lot of things he hated about it too. He understood what Buffy meant when she had come back, about it being bright and harsh and violent. You couldn’t hide things in the day not like you could in the softness of the night. There was also the sweating, the sun burns, and getting sick. A cold had caught him in the first month of being changed and he had driven everyone crazy with his whining. It was horrible. The not being able to breathe when you knew you had to, the coughing and the burning up. All he had wanted to do was crawl into a freezer just to cool off for a few moments.

But all in all it was worth it. It was just going to take time for him and everyone else to finish adjusting. Right now all he wanted to do was catch up with Dawn. It was time. Buffy’s first doctor’s appointment with the obstetrician was tomorrow and Raven’s party was this weekend. They both needed Dawn in their lives right now and he was the only one that could give that to them. Out of respect for him they hadn’t attempted contact or even mentioned her name. So, for them he was going to try to talk to her, to see if they could reach some understanding.

He glanced up and realized he was now in front of the building he was seeking. There were students pouring from the glass doors and he waited. The students pushed around him as he stood in the middle of the sidewalk, unyielding as he looked for his Niblet’s face in the crowd. The term was almost sarcastic now because in a way she would never be that to him again. And with a sigh he also knew that she would always in a way be that to him but there was still a lot of anger still to work through.

He spotted her with Janice and a couple of other girls he didn’t know. At almost the same time she saw him, froze briefly then deliberately looked away. As she attempted to walk by him, he reached out to grab her.

“Let go of me or I am going to scream,” she told him bitingly.

“Go ahead and I’ll have you arrested for conspiracy to kidnap. Actually, one of the guys was more than happy to throw your name in the mix. Said you were trying to hire them to do it.” Spike cocked his head as he saw the guilt flood her eyes. “Is that what you wanted?”

“Let go of me,” Dawn bit out as she jerked her arm out of hand. She started to walk away but he stayed right beside her.

“Dawn, do you want us to get security?” Janice asked.

“You might want her to. Did you know the chip doesn’t work anymore? Makes me even more dangerous than you thought.”

It was too much. The guilt, the fear, the isolation from her family, Dawn stopped and turned to look at him. Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at her former hero. The one she had hung all her dreams of perfection on. The one she used to dream of marrying, of being her true love, and the one she used to want to be her first kiss. The same one who had broken every last one of them. Jealousy was a hard master and she had yielded to its call willingly. It was one thing to lose to Buffy. She had known from the beginning that Buffy had always held his heart but to lose to Donna was too much.

“Please leave me alone, Spike. Just go away.”

Spike sighed as he saw the heartbreak in her eyes. “I love you, Dawn. Always will. I don’t break my promises.”

“You lying bastard,” Dawn broke dropping her books and launched herself at him. They landed in the grass on the side of the walkway. He didn’t fight back as she beat him with her fists. “You promised five years ago that it was over and that Donna didn’t mean anything. But you ran to her. You left us. You left me and I have loved you so much and you lied. You lied. You weren’t here. You broke all your promises. I hate you. Do you hear me? I hate you.”

Then it was over and the storm turned gentler as she sobbed against him. Spike wrapped his arms around her as he sat up. He rocked her against him as she let go of the last of her teenage dreams. He had always known that her heart could be his, even after Buffy and after Josh. First love always had the strongest hold. Especially when you blocked out the flaws and set a level that could never be reasonable reached by the object of your attraction or anyone that would attempt to follow.

After a few minutes Dawn pulled back to sit on the grass and watched him with wary eyes. Spike sat up and reached over to gather her things and set them in a pile next to her. Then he waited for her.

Cerulean eyes met green ones as they each contemplated the other. Finally Dawn spoke, “I didn’t mean for you to be hurt.”

“What did you want?”

She laughed uncomfortably, “For you to hurt as much as me.”

“I never meant to hurt you. Or Buffy. I fucked up, Dawn, I’m the first to admit it.” Spike pulled his knees up as he wrapped his arms around them. “I got scared, started to feel I wasn’t any good to your sis anymore, and I went to someone who I knew wouldn’t demand as much from me.” Then he shrugged his shoulders.

“It wasn’t really my business,” Dawn muttered as she looked away from him. The intensity that was Spike was too much for her. It made her look at herself and it wasn’t what she wanted to see.

“Dawn, you have to let go of whatever fantasies or expectations from me that are left.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” she bit out as she began to gather her books and as she hoisted them into her arms, she dropped them again. “As far back as I can remember when everything was dark and scary, you were always there.” Her gaze dropped to her hands that were in her lap, slowly wringing in a move that was pure Buffy. “I used to weave fairy tales that you would come rescue me on your motorcycle. That one day that you would see that I was really the one for you.”

“And your husband?”

Her eyes flew up to meet his.

“I love him with everything that I am but you were like always the one in my head. The one that he was measured against and if you could fail Buffy so much then maybe Josh would be like everyone else too and leave me.”

“I’m still here. You have a huge family that loves you.”

“I’m always going to be Dawn the pest. The youngest.”

“Quit your bitching, Dawn. It’s time to grow up. Buffy and Raven both need you right now. Josh needs you to love him for him not because he reminds you of me somehow.”

“How dare you?”

The former key stood quickly, grabbing her books before walking off. The truth was too much right now because she still expected the protection and coddling that was always there before from Spike.

“Raven’s birthday is Saturday at two and if you can remove the pole from your ass, you are invited.” Spike called out to her as she walked away. She was acting more like Buffy in her bitch days than the sweet girl that he had always taken care of. It hurt that she didn’t see how hateful and bitter she was becoming and he hoped that she would change before it was too late.

He trotted for a few seconds so that he was close to her again and stopped.

“Buffy is pregnant, you know. We are all there for her but she could really use you. Since you are going to be the child’s aunt and the only link she really has back to your mum.”

Dawn halted for a second before continuing on, refusing to look back at him. The news of a baby on the way really threw her. No one had told her yet about it. Pride made her keep going but all she could think about was her sister and how excited she must be. More guilt surfaced as she thought of her estrangement from Buffy. She still loved her sister and Spike was right; Buffy would need her in the coming months. Maybe it was time to rethink things after all.

Maybe.

TBC