January 14, 2008 3:42 PM
Spike didn’t need the monitor to hear Buffy’s muffled cries. Dropping the mail back on the front table, he rushed up the stairs toward their room. She had been fine only a half hour ago; she’d been clear-minded and talking to the children in the kitchen about their day at school. The four of them had been laughing and discussing Buffy’s birthday among the complaints of homework and teachers. It was then that he had decided to sit on the front porch and breathe some air; get a few ticks alone. He hadn’t been gone twenty minutes and her state had fallen so fast.
The door was open just a crack thus allowing the sound of her tears to escape. Pushing it open, Spike stepped into the room and stared at the bundle huddled in the middle of the bed. Raven had her arms wrapped around her mother and she was crying along with her.
“I’m sorry, Mum, I thought you knew,” Raven said, patting the form in her arms. She turned startled eyes to her father and a deep flush covered her face. “I thought she knew about Willow.”
“It’s okay, not your fault. Should have told her myself days ago,” Spike explained, gesturing for his daughter to leave them alone. He closed the door behind Raven and crawled in behind his wife. “Buffy, talk to me. This last week hasn’t been the greatest and we were waiting until…”
“Until you thought I could handle it,” Buffy wailed, pulling away from him and sitting up. “It’s not what you think. I can handle it. I’m happy, absolutely ecstatic that she’s pregnant.” Buffy managed to get out before collapsing in sobs again.
Spike couldn’t quite figure out why she was crying if she was happy for her friend. Willow and Tara had stopped by a few nights before to share the happy news but Buffy had been lost in her own mind that night. There was no way she could have comprehended what the two witches were telling her so Spike had promised to let her know as soon as possible and he had every intention of keeping it. It was just every time Buffy became herself again, he wanted her to spend time with her own children, to spend time with him or just be able to have someone else with her for a short time. He should have told the others to keep quiet about it until he gave the all clear.
“If you’re happy, what’s with the tears, Love?”
After a few sniffles, she looked toward the window where they could hear Elijah and Del playing.
“I…miss my friends. There was a time that I would’ve known right away. Been one of the first two to know. Been there to share with the planning and the trying. Maybe even been there when she took the test, like I was with Tara.” Buffy whispered. “It hurts that life is passing me by and there is nothing I can do to stop it.”
Spike wanted to argue but what could he say? She was right. And the day might come when she would miss it all because there weren’t anymore good days.
“You’ve got today. Right now. Isn’t every moment that you’ve got worth living instead of worrying about something that isn’t even here yet?”
Startled green eyes met his and various emotions flashed through them. Anger, self-pity, hurt, and finally love. She sighed and dragged him into a hug.
“Okay, Mr. Optimistic, when did this happen?”
Spike kissed her and smiled up at her.
“Don’t know, but it sounded good didn’t it? Must be watching too many Dr. Phil reruns at night.”
They laughed and she crawled to the edge of the bed to pick up the phone. With one hand wrapped in his and the other dialing, she settled against the headboard.
“Willow, hi, it’s Buffy. I hear congratulations are in order.” Buffy said.
Spike kissed the back of her hand before slipping away. The sound of his wife’s laughter let him know that she was probably going to have a long overdue gabfest with her friend. Maybe having Willow pregnant would help Buffy deal with things. Give her something happy to focus on for awhile and give her some more fight. He pulled the door almost shut. It was time to go and find Raven to make sure their daughter wasn’t feeling too bad about letting the news out. His hands juggled imaginary balls as he ran down the steps. He never dropped the balls in the game he played in his head.
January 14, 2008 7:15 PM
With the sense of impending disaster, Angel hung the phone up. The brewing hurricane
erupted before he could even turn around.
“You are not going to Sunnydale,” Cordelia stated, in a voice that was too quiet, signaling her rage at his decision.
“Yes, I am, please, don’t make this difficult,” Angel replied, turning to look at his wife.
“Me, make this difficult? It’s you that’s making everything difficult.”
Angel watched as Cordelia leaned against the kitchen counter. He took a deep breath and tried to remain calm. He had promised his Childe that he would be there when Spike or Buffy needed him and it was a promise that he was going to keep. The relationship was still too tentative to back down now and if Spike felt that he wasn’t going to be there then Angel didn’t think Spike would ever trust him again.
“I need to do this, for me, for them. Maybe it’s too much for you to understand or accept the role of family…”
“The role of family? Vampire family?” Cordelia exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. “You, Mr. I Want To Be Human, why are you suddenly screaming how important your vampire family is especially Spike, who you tried to kill several times including when he first got with Buffy and who had no qualms about torturing you to gain possession of a ring, remember?”
“It goes beyond that. They need me,” Angel said, cupping her face in his hands.
Cordelia pulled away from him, leaving Angel frustrated. He was torn between his family and responsibilities in Los Angeles and the family in Sunnydale. It wasn’t just his own desire to help out but also a link to his son. Spike and his family had become important to Connor and maybe by being there and helping them, he could finally have the relationship he wanted with his son.
“Or is it that Buffy needs you?”
“Excuse me?”
“You’ve always had this shrine in your heart for her; something that I can’t even knock down, even though I’m the one here with you all these years. Are you doing this so you can be the hero for her?”
“Back off, Cordy,” Angel snarled. It was the furthest thing from his mind. He loved Buffy but he wasn’t in love with her anymore. He turned to look at the window, staring at the lights and the cars passing on the street. “I love you. You have my heart, and my allegiance, no one else. If you believe that, then what’ve we been building together for all these years?”
He felt her hand on his shoulder and he turned to look at her. Her hazel eyes were filled with love for him and confusion over his decision. She was right. He was changing direction on her and it had to make anyone even someone as self-assured as his wife question his loyalty.
“I don’t understand, that’s all,” Cordelia said, quietly. “It’s never seemed to bother you before. Spike has always been a thorn in your side and now he is the most important thing in your life. We’re having these problems with the new vampire gang in town and first, you tried to send Wesley to France and now you’re taking off again.”
“Only for a couple of nights,” Angel reassured her, pulling her against him in a tight hug. “I won’t be gone long, I promise. And he’s not the most important thing to me, you are and our life is but in the end he is my Grand-Childe and I owe him this. After everything I’ve done to them I want to make amends to them.”
“So, no changing your mind?”
Shaking his head, Angel leaned his forehead against hers. He knew she still didn’t understand and eventually it would come back because Cordelia wasn’t the type to forget easily. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask her to come with him but she was right about the vampires they were tracking. The LA crew needed as much help as they could get and it was best that she stay behind to contribute. He just hoped that Spike could make the trip as quickly as possible so he wouldn’t leave Cordelia alone too long.
Knowing that he didn’t have to leave until the next day, Angel backed up toward the bed bringing Cordelia with him. He had tonight to let her know how much he truly loved and needed her to make his world right. When she smiled at him and pushed him down onto the bed, he knew it was going to work out just fine and he surrendered to the love between them.
January 14, 2008 7:20 PM
Even with the assurance from his Sire that it wasn’t a problem, Spike
still felt uncomfortable asking him for help. To once again ask for help with
watching Buffy made him feel that he couldn’t handle his life. But Spike
had accepted that he couldn’t do it all and as he had surrendered the
house to Del, he knew that the only one that could handle Buffy besides himself
would be Angel. Anyone else would either have to put their own family on hold
or make him too uncomfortable to have in the house unsupervised. Like Connor.
Buffy had told him about the Christmas kiss and it angered him that Raven was
taking steps into that relationship when she was still so young. She should
be having fun and being a kid instead of kissing and talking claims. But that
seemed to be something else beyond his control and Buffy insisted on keeping
the lines of communications open instead of forbidding the two from seeing each
other.
Spike sighed and leaned back in his chair as he tried to tell himself that he had made the right decision.
“Everything okay, Baby?” Buffy asked, from her position in his chair. She was ear marking catalogs with possible baby items that she wanted. She studied him for a moment while she waited for a reply.
“Yeah, it’s fine,” Spike said, moving to sit beside her.
They scrunched in together with his arm around her shoulders and her legs across his legs. Everything was calm at the moment and she flipped through showing him the style of baby furniture that she wanted. He made a mental note to call Xander and set up the next construction day to work on the attic. It really needed to be done before the baby was born and that only left them a few months and the last thing he wanted to do was rush.
It was an unwelcome intrusion when the phone rang and he ignored it knowing that one of the kids would answer it. Sean did and bellowed from the living room for Spike to pick it up.
“Hello.”
“Hey man, not answering the phone there?” Max asked with a chuckle.
“Knew it was you and was trying to avoid which, by the way, is impossible around here,” Spike said, mouthing to Buffy who it was while absently playing with her ponytail.
“Not nice, not nice. How is it around there? Buffy okay?”
“We are all fine and Buffy says hello. She’s busy spending more of my money,” he grunted when she elbowed him and he quickly corrected, “Excuse me, spending OUR money.”
“Good boy. Always remember who the boss is. I called with good news anyway.”
His body flooded with relief ending the anxious state Spike didn’t even realize he was in. It would be nice to have some more good news. Anything to start turning the tide they had been drowning in lately.
“What’s up?”
“She’s getting careless. The last few phone calls from SB have all been made along the same stretch of highway at different convenience stores or gas stations. We are going to be making the rounds tomorrow at the times that she usually calls to see if anyone recognizes the composite we have.”
“Anything to get this tied up. Have they said anymore about Buffy being involved in the Nikki thing?” Buffy looked up at him, trepidation plain on her face but Spike nuzzled her cheek, “Its okay, Love, just checking.” She nodded and curled closer to him. Her trust in his ability to protect her evident in her manner and Spike hugged her tighter.
“Nope, no phone calls made from your house to the east coast except those to me. And nothing from the phone booth that would implicate her involvement in a set up so for now they are dropping it. Nothing more has happened with the girl. Nik moved back home temporarily and has security surrounding her. We are trying to find something to link it to the stalker too.”
The two men talked for a few more minutes, discussing SB and Spike’s trip. Max promised to show for Buffy’s birthday in a week and told Spike to email him with suggestions for presents. It was only going to be a family dinner with nothing really special planned because they still weren’t sure how she would be. After Spike hung up from talking to Max, he returned to catalog shopping with his wife. The small moment treasured before they had to stop to put Elijah to bed. It was something that he would see her writing happily about in her journal before she went to bed that night. Nothing it seemed was too small to be joyous about and every moment she had with them became all the more precious.
January 15, 2008 1:30 AM
It took her a moment to adjust to the darkness that surrounded her. She rose
from the bed as soon as she could see and wandered around the room. Her fingers
ran over the makeup and perfumes that dotted the vanity table lifting several
to inhale the scents. A candle was lit on the dresser so she could look over
the pictures on the dresser top. She drank in the photos of the children, especially
Elijah, dotting the surface. Her eyes welled up as she picked up and studied
the photos of Spike. The one of him at Christmas surrounded by the children,
the one of him on the motorcycle dressed in jeans and duster and the professional
one with him in a suit. There were the photos of them sitting on the hood of
the Desoto, arms wrapped around each other, the one of them kissing as if they
would die without the touch of the other and the one of them on their wedding
day. So, many promises and so much hope for the future.
Finally she turned back to the bed and stared down at him. Spike was lying on his back, the sheet low on his belly and his arms askew across the pillow and her side of the bed. She watched the rise and fall of his chest, marveling in the sight, and leaned close to listen to the sound of him breathing. All those years of sleeping with a beautiful statue now gone and here lay a man. Breathing and warm beneath her touch. She crawled back into bed, scooting close to him, her fingers drifting along his chest and stomach until he swatted them away before gathering her close. He never woke his actions instinctive to keep her near, even in slumber. All it would take would be one touch, one kiss, and he would make love to her, tousled and sexily sleepy and she would feel his passion and need for her. Sighing, she decided to let him sleep. There would be time later for them to mate. He was trying so hard to hold it all together until it was time and he needed his rest. She laid her head on his chest and wrapped her fingers in his. Everything was safe and secure as long as she was here with him and with that knowledge in mind, she allowed herself to go back to sleep.
to be continued…
