January 18, 2008 9:42 AM

Spike leaned forward, resting his forearms along his thighs, and wished someone would say, ‘it was all a mistake. Here is your wife all sane and happy’. But it didn’t happen and he wasn’t really holding out hope. Not anymore. He just wanted to get through each day. Hope for anything else was a luxury he couldn’t afford.

The door opened and he jumped. Sara smiled at him and gestured for him to step into her office. The curtains along the wall were open and he saw Buffy sitting curled in a chair on the verandah. Her gaze remained steadfast toward the ocean, watching the waves as they crashed on the shore. He knew the signs and it wasn’t going to be good news and with a sigh, he sat on the couch.

“Thanks for fitting us in today,” Spike said.

“You’re welcome,” Sara said, taking a seat on the chair across from him. “These abrupt changes need to be addressed as they come up. So, it was good that you did call.”

“So, did she say something?” Spike asked, crossing his legs. “A clue or something that…”

“Will lead to a magic cure and make it all go away,” Sara said, smiling gently at him.

“Yeah.”

Apparently a part of him was still hoping and her therapist was probably amused by his wishful thinking.

“Not here. Not today,” Sara said, leaning back in her chair. Her gaze drifted to Buffy before looking back at Spike. “You know that I work with the knowledge of magic and mystical forces. I have patients that are demons, witches and other things that go bump in the night. And I know that you’ve exhausted all the resources that you can to find such a cause of Buffy’s condition and so far nothing.” She sighed and toyed with her pen for a second. “And I’m not the one who is going to sit here and tell you to stop looking. In the life Buffy has led anything is possible and you should never give up hope.” Her voice cracked and she blinked back a hint of nonprofessional tears. “But all I see is a young woman that carried too heavy of a burden for too long and is finally breaking under its weight. No Slayer has ever lived as long as she has and maybe their psychological makeup isn’t made to withstand a long life.”

Spike laughed even though there was no reason to. All he could remember was what Buffy had said to him the other night that practically echoed her therapist’s words.

“You mean they have an expiration date?”

Sarah smiled. “Yeah, something like that. I’m going to be honest and give you a practical reasonable explanation of her slipping into either of an impersonation or alternate personality based on your former girlfriend.”

“And that is?”

“To hold onto you. Buffy has never been able to count on the men in her life. They’ve all left her at some point. Abandoned her and made her feel unworthy and although you are still with her doesn’t mean she’s certain that you are going to stay.” Sara leaned forward and met his eyes. “You have given her cause to be concerned. She is more vulnerable than she has ever been. Terrified that you will desert her and leave her to exist in a mental institution. You once loved Drusilla in spite of the madness, loved her for almost a hundred years. Somewhere in Buffy’s subconscious she rationalized a way to hold you to her. If she became Drusilla and Buffy than you would have the best of them both and never leave her.”

“It always comes back to me. I did this to her.”

“No,” Sara protested, coming to sit on the table in front of Spike. Her hand clasped his. “You can’t think like that. You actions alone did not make her ill. She is only adapting to your actions to try to survive and she knows that she can’t without you.”

Nodding, Spike looked to his wife. There was a sad vulnerability to her and it made him hurt beyond anything physical. If sacrificing his life would make her whole and healthy again, he would do it without a second thought.

“Spike, there is something else,” Sara said, breaking through his thoughts. She waited until he looked at her before continuing. “If you want me to, I can continue to see her but I’m not doing anything for her at this point. There is something that she is hiding and when she sees me now she plays a game and only tells me what I want to hear. It’s not that I can’t help her but she has to want me to help her.”

Feeling her gaze on him, Spike turned to the window again. Buffy studied with an almost condescending air before a smile twisted those lips. A shiver ran through him as he felt another shackle close around him and he wondered if either of them would ever be free.

January 19, 2008 11:08 AM

The cabinet door slammed shut just as the back door swung open. Spike looked up with a glass in each hand to see Dawn bounding into the kitchen. Behind her was Willow and after a quick smile he set the glasses on the shelf.

“Hey you two,” Spike said, smiling as he reached for more glasses.

Dawn hopped up to sit on the counter next to him while Willow stood watching him.

“Hi, Spike,” Dawn said, grinning as he had to reach around her to complete his chores. “Is my sister ready for an afternoon of shopping?”

“Don’t know since she’s upstairs and I’m putting the dishes away.”

After setting the last of the glasses on the shelf, he pecked her on the cheek before pushing her out of the way to close those cabinets.

“Is she going to mind me being here?” Willow asked.

“Don’t think so, Red. It’ll be good for her to have someone else to talk babies too,” Spike replied, grabbing the silverware out of the dishwasher and pulled the drawer out. “Maybe you all can do a little baby shopping while you’re out.”

“Is she doing okay today?” Dawn asked.

“So far so good but I haven’t seen her for the last half hour or so. She’s upstairs with Raven getting ready and talking girl stuff.”

The drawer was closed and the dishwasher was closed and Spike leaned against the counter next to Dawn. She looped her arm around his shoulder, her wedding band sparkling next to his face.

“How are you and Josh doing?”

“Good,” Dawn answered. “He’s pretty much living with me again. Well, actually he is living with me again. It’s just that neither of us has made this big announcement of hey, we’re back together.”

“Things going good then?”

“Yeah, we’re good.”

Spike turned and smiled at her. He was glad that the tensions were gone between them. He needed all the friends and support he could get right now. She hugged him and he leaned back against her, relaxing and enjoying the comfort for a moment before stepping away. They turned as Buffy stepped into the kitchen, smiling at finding her sister and friend waiting for her. She looked happy and beautiful, dressed in a pair of brown corduroy pants and a green velour top. Her birthday party was planned for that night and she was excited at being with everyone again. The shopping trip they had planned was for her to find a new outfit to wear.

“Hey, people,” Buffy said, hugging Willow. “We ready to go shopping?”

“I’ve missed you,” Willow said, hugging her back. Her hand caressed Buffy’s stomach when they broke apart. “You’re not mad that I’m crashing the little shopping trip are you?”

“God no,” Buffy exclaimed. “I’m glad you’re here. You will be a voice of reason to counter balance the shopping catastrophe of the truly clueless set. If I black out, I will no longer have to fear what those two would dress me in for my party.”

“Oh, come on, Mum,” Raven said, strolling into the kitchen. “We would dress you so cool. A deep purple leather mini skirt and a red halter…”

“With white go-go boots,” Dawn finished.

“And I’d bite the both of ya for it,” Spike threatened.

They all laughed and it warmed Spike’s heart to see Buffy having fun. It would do her good to get out of the house and just be normal for an afternoon. He crossed his fingers that nothing would happen to change the mood of the day. She deserved to be able to relax and hell, so did he.

He shook his head and returned his attention to the women surrounding him.

“Good, maternity shopping,” Willow was saying. “May as well start seeing what I’ll be wearing soon. Buffy you look so cute so you can tell me where to go.”

“No problemo,” Buffy said. “I still can’t believe you’re pregnant. No, I mean, I can and do believe, it’s just…” She laughed and shrugged her shoulders. “Does this baby have the same father as Jacob?”

“Yep, still the mystery man,” Willow said.

“Xander,” Spike said.

“Giles,” Buffy said.

Raven and Dawn just snickered and Willow laughed at their guesses.

“Xander, no, because Anya would charge us an exorbitant rate for the use of his Daddy makers,” Willow said, turning to Buffy with a grimace. “And, Giles, eew, incestuous much, so no on both counts.”

“Not to be pushy,” Dawn said, hopping off the counter, “but the mall is calling my name. I have credit card and am ready to spend.”

Spike watched as the woman gathered their purses and prepared to leave. Buffy wrapped her arms him and he kissed her forehead.

“Does Raven have the credit card?” Buffy asked, nuzzling his neck.

“Oi, that might help, right?” Spike answered, reaching for his wallet. He rummaged in it until he found the one he wanted and handed it to Raven.

“Hey,” Willow said. “Why isn’t Buffy getting the card?”

Spike tensed up as embarrassment crossed Buffy’s face. Since the incident with the checks, he had kept the checkbooks and the majority of the credit cards away from her. She had a couple with small limits on them in case she wanted to buy something online. And since she wasn’t ever alone it hadn’t become an issue until now. To them it wasn’t a big deal and just another change they had made but not everyone was privy to it.

“Its okay, Will,” Buffy said, turning toward the door. “I’m fine with it.”

“No, it’s not okay.” Willow said. “It’s a bit extreme, don’t you think, that you can’t buy something without asking your teenage daughter if you can. Are you allowed to do anything anymore without asking Spike’s permission?”

“Willow, really it’s all right,” Buffy said, standing a little straighter even though her face was still flushed. “Spike has a reason for doing it. He’s only protecting us.”

“How? By humiliating you?” Willow asked, glaring at Spike.

“Come on,” Dawn said. “She’s going to be with us all afternoon. It’s not like she is going to go spend the national debt in two hours at the mall.”

They didn’t know and they didn’t understand. Buffy was embarrassed because she was feeling incompetent and Spike was furious because they were making him look like a bully. He would do anything for his wife including making hard choices in an effort to protect her. Spike glanced at Buffy and saw that she was slowly fading under their attention and his anger rose because things had been going good for her so far today. He snatched the card back from Raven and headed for his study. He unlocked the desk drawer and searched for another credit card which was given to Buffy.

“It’s got a few thousand on it. Is that enough?” Spike asked, sarcastically.

Buffy nodded and slipped it into her purse.

“Please don’t be angry,” she whispered. “I wasn’t upset by it.”

Spike held her for a moment, rocking them as she clung to him.

“I’m not angry, Love,” he said, telling himself to calm down so she would too. “I should have just given you a card. Wasn’t really thinking and you asked if Rave had the card and I just gave it to her. I’m sorry.”

“Come on,” Raven said, taking her mother’s hand. “Let’s go shopping.”

“You promise that you’re not angry,” Buffy said, standing her ground. “I’ll stay home if you want me too.” She looked around at everyone before nodding her head. “That’s what I’ll do. Stay home. It’s best.”

Sara’s words echoed in Spike’s mind. That she was terrified of him leaving her alone and her fear of him being angry had to stem from that. If he was angry then he might not want to be around her. He sighed and cupped her face between his hands.

“Go, pet, I’m not angry,” Spike said. “You’ve been looking forward to getting out and doing some shopping. I promise I’ll be here waiting for you when you return. I love you. For now and always. Okay?”

“You promise you’ll be here when I get back,” Buffy said.

“I promise. Call me as much as you want.”

It took a couple of more minutes before the girls were able to get Buffy out the door. Spike followed them out and watched as they got into the car. Buffy turned in her seat and watched him for as long as she could. When the car rounded the corner and was gone he breathed a sigh of relief. There was no way that he could have told Buffy that he needed her out of the house for a few hours. Spike walked slowly into the house hoping that Xander would hurry from picking Max up at the airport so they could make the renovations to the bedroom that he wanted to do. And as he thought about those changes he felt like the very epitome of evil that he once was.

January 19, 2008 5:45 PM

A long, slow wolf whistle broke through her reverie and Buffy turned to look at her son as he walked through the bedroom door.

“Whoa, Mum,” Sean said, circling her. “You look absolutely gorgeous.”

“Thank you,” Buffy said, giggling as she made a small curtsy. Anything else was impossible without her toppling over. “I take it you like it?”

“Yes, very nice.”

Buffy waited as Sean fingered the material of her strapless dress that hung to right above her knees. The dress was silk chiffon in a red paisley multi print that molded itself to her blossoming figure. He fingered the ringlet curls adorning her head that were held back by a black band before finally taking in her birthday present from Spike. It was another piece of jewelry from Tiffanys; a Pave Ball pendent with round brilliant diamonds set in a platinum chain.

“Dad is taking care of you in the jewelry department,” Sean commented, stepping back to admire the full view.

“Yes, he knows I appreciate it,” Buffy spat, “unlike some people.”

“Did he do the hair too?” Sean asked, deliberately ignoring Buffy’s tone.

They both laughed because Spike had ended up styling everyone’s hair for the party including Sean’s. Raven had gotten a simple black velvet shift dress and her father had done her long red hair in a french twist giving her a very elegant look for the night. On the shopping trip they had even bought new clothes for the guys. Sean was wearing an ice blue satin shirt with black slacks. His hair had a long braid down the back of it. It was Spike that was the odd man out being the only one with short hair in the family and Buffy had tousled it into the bed hair muss style that she preferred. He was now dressed in a black silk shirt with mandarin collar and black slacks also. Buffy had insisted that everyone dress because they rarely had the opportunity to anymore. And everyone had acquiesced to her wishes since it was her birthday party.

“Of course,” Buffy answered, smiling at her son. “Everybody looks really nice. So, did you just want to see how I looked or was there something else?”

Sean sat on the bed and Buffy joined him taking his hands in hers. He looked nervous and she wanted him to know that she was there for him as much as she could be.

“I invited someone to the party,” Sean said, looking down at their joined hands.

“That’s all right,” Buffy said, before realizing that whoever it was more important than a casual friend to her son by his nervousness. “Is it someone that you’re dating?”

“Yeah,” Sean mumbled. “I didn’t say anything before because of everything that’s been going on.”

“Is he someone that you go to school with?”

“No, he’s Sam roommate at college,” Sean said, looking up at her. “He’s nineteen, Mum.”

“And you didn’t see fit to tell us about him?”

“It’s not that. I just didn’t think that…”

“That we’d let you date someone in college. You were right about that.”

Pulling his hands away from her, Sean stood and looked down at her. “Mum, I really care about him. His name is Bryant and he’s been out since he was fourteen and he’s everything I’ve been wanting.”

“Wanting?” Buffy asked. “Are you and he sexually active?”

“Not yet,” Sean said, turning away, “Mum, he’s a great guy if you’d just give him a chance. He’s the one that wanted to let everyone know about us. He’s protecting me.”

Buffy stood and put her hands on Sean’s shoulders. The love her son held for his young man shone in deep brown eyes but he was wrong for not telling them about the relationship.

“What if this Bryant hadn’t insisted on telling us about the relationship you were in, you’d have kept it quiet?” Buffy asked, shaking Sean just enough to let him know she was angry with him. “Some day down the road you’d tell us about it. What did you think we’d congratulate you on being with him? Did you think that just because you’re a boy we don’t care who you’re dating or sleeping with? Or that upon hearing that you got laid that Spike would slap you on the back and tell you that you’re a man now and hand you a cigar and a beer? Because if you think keeping it a secret was smart then you had better run when your father finds out.”

“Too late,” Raven announced, leaning in the door. “Your friend is downstairs and Dad is giving him the third degree and Max is backing him up like some damn mafia hit man.”

“Oh crap,” Sean mumbled, taking off toward the stairs leaving his sister and Mum to follow him down.

January 19, 2008 6:10 PM

The young man standing in his foyer was growing more nervous by the moment which was exactly what Spike intended. He stood with his arms crossed staring the invader down with Max standing right behind him. The boy who had introduced himself as Bryant shuffled his feet and waited.

“So, who are you and why are you here again?” Spike asked for the second time hoping that ‘Bryant’ would just leave. They didn’t need anyone else to add to the mix.

“Dad, he’s a friend of mine,” Sean said, leaping off the fourth step to land next to his young man. “I invited him to Mum’s party so he could meet everyone.”

“A friend?” Spike asked. “A friend or more?”

“More,” Sean mumbled, with a classic ‘I’m in trouble’ look on his face. “That’s why I wanted him here so you could meet him.”

“How old is he?” Spike asked, totally ignoring Bryant and dealing directly with his son.

“He’s nineteen.”

“Spike,” Buffy said, from the bottom step. “It’s my birthday and I don’t want everyone miserable. Can we talk about all this tomorrow? Please.”

Tomorrow there wouldn’t be time to talk about this. And Spike didn’t want something else to deal with than he had to so he made a decision.

“Raven, Sean,” Spike said. “I thought I could trust the both of you. I don’t have time to play babysitter to the two of you. You know what’s going on and both of you go off and try to have relationships with people who we wouldn’t approve of. I’ve had it so until the baby is born, you are both grounded. You go to school, go to your activities and come home. And you young lady,” Spike pointed to Raven, “I’m hiring a bodyguard to go patrolling with you. That’s it. End of discussion.” He turned to Bryant and cast a scathing glance over him. “You may as well stay since you’re here but don’t do anything foolish.”

Bryant nodded and smiled at Sean. Spike rolled his eyes and let Buffy drag him into the decorated living room. There were brightly colored streamers and balloons hanging from every corner and piece of furniture. There were also vases of red roses on every surface. Buffy / Dru had wanted the flowers and the scent hung heavy in the air. Crossing his arms, he watched his wife load the stereo with CD’s she had brought down from upstairs. And as the first notes of Dru’s favorite song, Rasputina’s Transylvanian Concubines, floated on the air, Spike knew it was going to be one hell of a party.

To be continued in Chapter 42 - Family
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