Chapter 45 – Baby Love
“Holy
crap,” Buffy muttered. “This is going to take months to get through.”
“I am right
there with you,”
It had been
“We’ll get
through as much as we can,”
“Dawn and I
are going to scope out the store,” Raven said, already walking away. “Find out
where everything is and we’ll catch up with you.”
The three
older women watched the girls walk away before heading for the counter. They
shook their heads because it figured that the two retreating figures were along
for the fun and the not the endless work it was going to take to get Buffy
registered and through the day.
“Xander
said the attic would be ready for move in by next weekend,”
“It should
be but we need to buy a new bed,” Buffy replied, leaning on the counter. “Where
we want to put the bed the ceiling slopes and the canopy on ours won’t fit.”
“Well, I
guess that’s going to cramp your style,”
“Spike
worked it out. He’s going to hang the chains from the wall,” Buffy said,
smiling up at the representative who had just come to help them. At the moment
the woman looked horrified at Buffy’s words. “It’s all right. He never leaves
me there for long.” Her expression turned sweet as the woman’s eyes got bigger.
“I need to register.”
The older
woman merely nodded and handed Buffy the forms. It took only a couple of minute
for her to fill everything out and be handed the ‘gun’ for her to record the
codes for the products they wanted. Buffy was also handed a coupon for a
discount for everything she bought that day.
“Okay,”
Buffy said, looking around. “Where do we start?”
“I think
the practical things,”
“Lead on,
expert one,” Buffy quipped, her hands planted on the handle of the shopping
cart. “I have list of necessary supplies, UPC gun and credit card so let’s get
everything ready for the baby.”
They stood
in front of the vast array of nursery items. Buffy’s fingers lingered over
items that she liked as they made their way through the supply list.
“Hey,
guys,” Raven said, sliding to a stop next to her mother. “This place is great.”
“They have
the coolest shi...stuff,” Dawn exclaimed. “I think I want a baby.”
Four pairs
of eyes turned in dismay at her announcement. Dawn laughed and put her hands
up.
“Not right
now. I promise to graduate from college first.”
“You’d
better,” Buffy said. “Or you will be mince meat pie.”
They turned
the corner into the baby bottles and other sundry items to feed the infant.
“You’re
going to breast feed, right Buffy?”
“What’s
wrong?”
“My
doctors…they said,” Buffy said, between hiccupping sobs. “They said that I
shouldn’t count…on, I asked them and, they don’t think I’ll be able to take
care of the baby.”
“I’m sorry,
sweetie,”
The mother
to be pulled back from them and furiously wiped the tears from her face. She
patted her stomach and offered a tremulous smile that showed her bravery in
facing the future.
“No, Tara,
all of you, thanks for doing this. I want to do as much for my baby as
possible. I want her or him to know that I did everything I could. That I
fought as long as I could to be there for her.” Buffy stopped for a second and
slipped back into their embrace. “Promise me that the four of you will take
care of this baby. That you’ll teach her everything she needs to know. Tell her
to be strong and true to herself.”
“That goes
without saying,”
It felt
like the oxygen was sucked out of the air around them as they contemplated
Buffy’s request.
“Listen to
me,”
Buffy
nodded but didn’t say a word. An eerie feeling passed through
“Well, even
if you can’t breast feed your baby yourself,”
“Yeah,”
Dawn said. “Spike will probably think it’s a torture device and be more than
happy to do it for you.”
Everyone
laughed as they continued to shop. Raven took control of the ‘gun’ so Buffy
could concentrate on choosing items. Occasionally there would be something that
she particularly liked and it would get tossed into the cart that Dawn was now
pushing. It became serious as they checked items off and moved through the
store.
“Have all
this ordered,” Buffy said. “We found a site on line and they had this crib that
looks like an antique spindle bed. William fell in love with it so it is on the
way along with the entire matching set.”
“Oooh,”
Dawn said. “Spike is taking care of his baby.”
“Both of
them it seems,”
“Not yet.
I’m still thinking lambs or ducks.”
“Lambs or
ducks? Why not Winnie the Pooh or snapdragons?” Raven asked.
“Because it’s
what I like,” Buffy said sternly. “I’ve asked William a couple of times but he
won’t give me a preference.”
“Why are
you calling him William now?” Dawn asked, peering over her sister’s shoulders.
“I know it’s his name but you never have before.”
“Different
names for different times,” Buffy said, never taking her eyes off the crib
sets. “Things are changing and he should be William again.” She sighed. “I
don’t know. I like them both.”
“I think
you’re waiting for Daddy’s opinion,” Raven said. “Let’s call him and ask.”
Before
anyone could stop her she had pulled out her cell phone and dialed home. She
left it on speaker phone so that Buffy could hear.
“Hello,”
“Hi Del.
It’s Raven. Is Daddy around?”
“He’s up in
the attic with the rest of them,”
“No, you
don’t have to. I’ll call him on his cell phone.”
“Silly
girl,”
The women
giggled as they waited for
“Hey, what
‘cha need, Princess?” Spike asked.
“Mum wants
to know which you prefer,” Raven said. “Lambs or ducks?”
“Lambs or
ducks for what?”
“The
nursery theme,” Raven said, with a trace of impatience. “She’s asked you before
and you haven’t answered so which is it going to be?”
“Lambs or
ducks,” Angel’s voice carried through the phone, “Sounds like she wants you to
choose between those cute nicknames that you call the women in your life. Which
is Buffy?”
“Lamb for
her fluffy little…” Spike started but was stopped by groans and protests from
everyone within earshot. ‘Look I really don’t care. It’s up to Buffy what she
wants.”
Buffy
sniffled again.
“Spike,”
“Yeah, Mum
is upset,” Raven added.
There was a
loud crash, a couple of expletives and then Spike was on the phone.
“Buffy, I’m
sorry,” Spike said. “We’re trying to get the bathtub installed. I didn’t mean I
didn’t care at all. If it’s a choice lets go with the lambs. Okay?”
“Okay,”
Buffy said.
“Anything
else you need?” Spike asked, the pitch of his voice had lowered and had a
soothing quality to the tone.
“No, that’s
it,” Buffy answered. “I’m sorry to bother you. I just don’t want you to hate
what I choose.”
“It wasn’t
a bother. The only thing that was between me and broken fingers was Angel.
Sorry I seemed like I didn’t care. I’m getting glares from everyone so I’m
going to let you go. Call if you need anything else.”
“Thanks
Spike,”
Raven
clicked the phone off while Dawn threw the crib set into the cart.
“Buffy, do
you know if it’s a boy or a girl yet?”
“No, we
haven’t officially found out but I have a feeling it’s a girl.” Buffy answered,
turning away from the set she had been looking out.
“Why don’t
you wait then on the theme for the nursery? Find out at your next sonogram and
then you could get the butterfly set if you prefer that one.”
“No,
William said lambs so its lambs,” Buffy said. “Now what clothes do we need to get?”
Even with
everyone scattering to admire the baby clothes they managed to get through the
list pretty quickly. A few items were purchased just so they would have some on
hand. Buffy chose a neutral outfit for the baby to wear home from the hospital.
After they had double checked the list to make sure nothing essential was left
out they walked toward the check out lines.
~~~~~~~~~~
Everything on
her body ached. Buffy fidgeted in her seat and longed for a hot bath. It had
been a long afternoon and although she had enjoyed spending time with her
friends she was ready to go home.
“Please
pull around the back,” Buffy pleaded, when
“No
problem, sweetie,”
Buffy
climbed out of the van and was relieved when Dawn and Raven offered to unload
everything. Knowing that everyone was there was overwhelming her. The
camaraderie was pulling her into an emotional abyss of hope and love that she
wasn’t sure she could handle at the moment. She didn’t dare let herself hope
too much at this point.
Forcing herself
to hurry she made her way through the back door. Thankfully only
“You look
exhausted, child,”
“I just
want to get some juice,” Buffy whispered.
“Go on
upstairs and lie down. I’ll get one of the children to bring it to you.”
Buffy
hugged Del. She had never been as grateful as when this woman had walked into
their lives.
“Thank you,
“You’re
welcome. Now go on before everybody decides to come looking for you.”
The hallway
seemed a mile long as she pushed her exhausted body away from the temptation of
the couch. It was at the bottom of the stairs that she had to really give
herself a mental pep talk just to put her foot on the first step. Before she
could even try the second step, he was there scooping her up in his arms. She
closed her eyes and let her husband carry her upstairs. Nuzzling her face into
his neck she let her hand drift across his bare chest. He smelled like sweat
and wood and all man. Her man. She pressed a kiss to his neck before he sat her
on the edge of the bed. When he knelt at her feet and began to remove her shoes
she remembered. She had given up the rights for the loving touches from him.
Buffy
closed her eyes as he disrobed her. It was humiliating to be so dependent on
another person even her husband. Her socks were pulled off before he had her
stand so he could remove her jeans. There was nothing condescending or
impatient about him as he cared for her. There was only gentleness in the way
he touched her and talked to her.
“Lie on
your side, Buffy.”
His words
left no room for argument so she did as he requested. A moment later when his
fingers kneaded her back loosening the tied muscles she sighed in ecstasy.
Spike knew exactly where to massage her and which muscles to loosen as he eased
the ache. Her legs and feet were next after he moved her to lie on her back.
Her entire body was melting and she could feel the pull of sleep.
“Thank you.
I appreciate it.”
“No
problem, Luv,” Spike said, pulling her body pillow next to her so she could
arrange herself in the way that was most comfortable.
Buffy turned
a little onto her side as Spike covered her with the comforter. His hand ran
lovingly over her hair and she wanted to pull him down on the bed with her. She
wanted to hold him and tell him of the nightmares that were with her constantly
but she couldn’t. Her eyes fluttered closed as she prepared to give up for a
little while.
“Mummy, I
brought your juice,” Elijah said. “And Candy wants to take a nap with you.”
Opening her
eyes, she saw her son standing next to the bed with a glass in his hand.
“Thank you,
would you put it on the nightstand for me,” Buffy said, too tired to even drink
it at the moment.
Spike
lifted the dog to the bed and she pulled Candy close to her. The small, warm
body was reassuring as it settled next to her.
“We’re
going to fire up the grill pretty soon,” Spike said, sitting on the bed with
Elijah on his lap. “Thought I’d feed everybody for all the help they gave
today. Do you want me to wake you when it’s done?”
Buffy
wanted to. She wanted to go down and be with her family. She wanted to laugh
and party and drink a quart of Xander’s margaritas but it just wasn’t meant to
be.
“No, all I
want is sleep right now. Go on though have a good time,” Buffy said, grabbing
his hand when she saw the guilt on his face. “No, it’s your right and I want
you to for me. It’s easier for me knowing that you’re with people who love
you.”
“You’re
sad, Mummy,” Elijah said. “Don’t worry. The baby is almost here and then
everybody will be happy again.”
“I know,
sweetheart,” Buffy answered, running her hand through his curls. “Go on both of
you and let this woman get much needed rest.”
They both
kissed her cheek before they left. She wiped the tear that wound its way down
her cheek. It was too late to cry. She listened to her family laugh and play as
she petted the dog. It was what she wanted if things didn’t work out. She
wanted Spike to be happy.
Her hand
moved to her stomach and pressed the spot where her baby was kicking her.
“I know,
baby, I know,” Buffy murmured. “I want to be with them too. Hopefully your
Daddy will figure everything out soon and we’ll be safe again.”
Buffy
closed her eyes and gave up trying to hold back the floodgates in her mind. It
was taking too much strength and she didn’t have it anymore. The nightmares
began to take over her mind and whimpering she wished Spike was holding her.
To be continued in Chapter 46 -
Sanctuary
