Chapter 48 – Unholy Alliances
“Dad, you
awake,” Connor called, rapping on the door to his father’s suite.
He fidgeted
while he waited. This confrontation wasn’t something he was looking forward to.
The last nine hours had been surreal. All he had wanted was to hang out with
Clem and Josh. Shoot some pool; drink a couple of beers before heading home.
Instead he had been involved in a bombing, the cover up of a crime, and a
vampire blood ritual. Not bad for a guy who only wanted peace and quiet in his
life.
The door
was yanked open and his father loomed over him.
Connor shook off his unease. He hated that the mere size of his father
intimidated him. No matter how old he would get, he would still look like a
child next to Angel. He stood as
straight as he could and looked into those brown eyes filled with curiosity and
concern.
“Connor,”
Angel exclaimed. “What are you doing here? Are you all right? Did something
happen?”
Spike had
said it would happen. It did. Angel growled and leaned closer to him, sniffing
at him. Connor blushed under his father’s inspection. Didn’t he realize how
much he resembled a dog when he did that? It was a wonder that vampires didn’t
sniff people’s asses and crotches. Connor shifted his weight from one foot to
the other.
“Spike,”
Angel said, looked at him perplexed. “And blood? A ritual?”
Not sure
what to say, Connor thrust the folder at him.
“Are you
going to answer my questions?” Angel asked, sighing and running his hand
through his hair. “Any of them?”
“After you
read.”
Angel nodded,
“Let’s go downstairs.”
Relieved
that his father wasn’t berating him for something, Connor followed him down to
his office. As he settled into the chair in front of the desk, he realized he
was more comfortable here than he was in Angel’s personal space. It was part of
keeping his father out of his heart. In the intervening years since he returned
from Quor’toth, his father had tried to build a relationship with him. But
always Connor pushed him away. At one time he must have trusted the vampire
completely, dependent on him for food and warmth. Then it was taken away in an
instant. The moment that Wesley had scooped him up out of his bassinette, life
had become hell for him.
Raven
believed in happy endings. Even now with Buffy drifting further away, she
believed that somehow her family would be reunited. Connor knew it wouldn’t
happen without great cost. What would his life been like if he had remained
here? Would he believe in happy endings if he had grown up with his father and
Cordelia instead of Holtz in that hell dimension?
Angel
looked up from where he had been reading Spike’s message, “Tell Spike it’s
taken care of.”
Connor
nodded. He had been dismissed so he stood.
“I’ll let
him know.”
For a
moment father and son stood across the desk from the other, their stances
uncomfortable.
“Connor,
why don’t you stay for a little while? I’ll fix you breakfast and you can tell
me your side of things. Maybe answer those questions.”
Connor
finally understood his father would never give up on him. Angel would wait
until the end of time for his son to return to him. No matter how many times
Connor rejected him; Angel would find an opportunity to offer peace again.
“Okay, I’d
like that.”
Angel moved
to the door but something held Connor back. He knew what it was. Spike had told
him to say it.
“Dad,”
Connor said, waiting until Angel turned. “I love you.”
It was said
and it felt a huge burden had been lifted from him. It was something that he
had wanted to say for a long time. Fear had held him back that maybe if he let
go, he’d lose again. But from watching Spike, he found that you lost if you
didn’t let go. He waited as the emotions flickered across Angel’s face and then
his arms were held out to him.
“I love you,
too, son.”
Connor was
enveloped in his father’s arms and he knew he was finally home.
~~~~~~~~
Spike
shifted in his chair, his fingers turning to the next page in his book, and he
glanced over at Buffy napping on the couch. So, far things had been quiet. No
police knocking on the door, just a small article on the third page of the
newspaper identifying a missing local man. He had left behind a frantic
girlfriend and parents. Guilt kept hounding Spike at how the family must be worried
not knowing what had happened to him. Every time it made itself known, Spike
would push it away. Life was about survival and his wife was more important
than their need to know. What was the idiot doing in the cemetery in the middle
of the night anyway? So, if you wanted to justify it, if the man had been smart
then he wouldn’t have died.
Buffy gave
a delicate snore and kicked her covers off. Sighing, Spike stood and pulled it
over her again. His fingers drifted over her cheek for a moment before he
straightened. She seemed to be terrified all the time now. Her slumber was
restless again, clinging to him when she did manage to fall asleep. He had
found her crying a few times but she wouldn’t tell him why except to say that
it was everything. He had considered calling
“Sir,”
Bryant said, from the door. The young man shuffled, still uncomfortable in this
house of supernatural beings and Spike knew Bryant was afraid of him. “I
finished the mural. Would you like to see it?”
Spike
nodded, glanced down at Buffy to make sure she was sleeping peacefully before
stepping out of the study. Leading the way, Spike made his way up to the attic.
Sean was waiting for them and he stepped out of the way when they appeared. At
first he didn’t see it. The mural was of a meadow with cute lambs playing on green
grass, fluffy white clouds and a sun. He doubted it when he did see it. Spike
blinked and stepped closer, his fingers hovering over the painting. It was.
Around the sun were three stars; the symbol of Aurelius.
“Buffy
asked you to paint this?” Spike asked, looking over his shoulder at Bryant.
“Yes, she
did. She even gave me a sketch to follow. Did I do something wrong?”
“No, it’s
perfect actually,” Spike said, shaking his head. “Look why don’t you head
downstairs. I need to do something. Sean, keep your ear out for Buffy.”
“Dad, you
sure everything is all right? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something.”
“I’m fine;
go on, I’ll be down in a bit.”
Spike
dialed the number for Angel. His mind swirled with questions as he waited for
his Sire to answer the phone. His emotions bounced from one extreme to the
other. One moment he wanted to grieve for his wife and the next he wanted to
run. It had been such a battle to become the man he was. A battle fought in
love for the woman who seemed intent on dragging him back to who he was once.
“Hello,”
Angel answered.
“Hang on,”
Spike said, and pushed the buttons to call Giles for a three way conversation.
The phone rang only a couple of times before Kate picked up the phone. “It’s
Spike, is Rupert around?”
“Yeah, sure
sweetie, hold on,” Kate said.
They could hear
her call for her husband and then he was there.
“Hello,
Spike, is everything okay?”
“No emergencies,” Spike said with a laugh. He
was beginning to feel like he needed to start every conversation with an
update. “Bryant just showed me the mural that Buffy requested.”
“You called
us for that?” Angel asked sarcastically. “Aren’t the lambs cute enough?”
“Oh,
they’re adorable. Tell me are there any prophecies about sacrificial lambs for
the Order of Aurelius?”
A part of him
enjoyed the stunned silence from Angel and the gasp from Giles.
“What does
Aurelius have to do with the mural?” Angel asked. His words exact and slow as
if he was trying to wake from a nightmare.
“Nice scene
of those fluffy little animals frolicking under the symbol of Aurelius. Is that
enough explanation?”
“Yes, I
think it is,” Giles said. “As a matter of fact I think it’s the first real clue
we’ve had. It will narrow the field quite a bit.”
“Do you
think it was a deliberate clue or just another symptom…?” Angel asked.
“Of her
delusions,” Spike finished. “I don’t know. I’m trying to think, remember, I
spend so much time just trying to deal I don’t really pay attention to her
ramblings.”
“Maybe you
need to,” Giles said, quietly. “Look I’m not trying to add more to your
shoulders. God knows you have enough as it is. But maybe she has been trying to
tell us something and none of us have been listening.”
“Don’t
William,” Angel chided. “Giles is right. You’ve got a hell of a lot going on.
It’s the ones that aren’t around her all the time that should have noticed
something. You’re with her constantly. It would be harder for you to see.”
Angel knew
him too well. It was exactly what Spike was doing. Blaming himself for missing
something that might be crucial to what was happening to his wife. If he’d been
blinded to something she’d been trying to tell him and had left her in that
hell because of it, he didn’t know if he’d ever forgive himself.
“I think
all of us need to get together and brainstorm,” Giles said. “To try and figure
something out. I’m assuming at this point we all agree it isn’t insanity but
something else.”
“Yes,”
Spike said. “I don’t know, Giles, I honestly don’t know. Are we grasping at
straws just so we don’t have to accept the truth?”
“Giles is
right,” Angel said. “We all need to get together and talk. Everybody needs to
write down anything; no matter how ludicrous it sounds that she might have said
to us. Maybe we’ll find a pattern or things we should have seen.”
“Is
everyone from LA coming to the baby shower?” Spike asked.
“Yeah,
we’ll be there for sure,” Angel said. “Do it then?”
“It will
give us all time to do some more research on this new development,” Giles said,
“and to see if we can remember something.”
“Watch her,
Spike, write down everything she says or does. Have the kids do the same,”
Angel instructed. “Let us know. We can move this up if we need.”
A minute
later after brief good-byes, the three hung up the phone. Spike sat on the top
step, wrapping his arms around his knees and felt the weight of his life press
on his shoulders. His mind began to search for something that she might have
said or done. But why didn’t she just tell him? Why all those secrets that she
kept so hidden from him? Was there something or someone preventing her from
turning to him?
~~~~~~~~
The baby
shower was still raging on. Her family was still everywhere, eating and joking
as if today was like every other day.
Buffy took another bite of her salad and looked around at everyone that
was gathered in the kitchen.
Angel and
Cordelia being cute and giggly as she tried to feed him cake. Angel didn’t eat
food. Didn’t she know that? Buffy shrugged and once again marveled that her ex
had won a game that needed a lot of knowledge of baby supplies. It showed the
devotion he must have had when Connor was a baby. It was good that father and
son had made up. Buffy hadn’t seen Angel looking that happy in quite a while.
Dawn and
Raven were talking about the men in their lives while they piled another
platter with sandwiches. Apparently Josh was still playing the sympathy card
with Dawn to get extra loving. Buffy scrunched up her nose at the thought of
her little sister being sexually active. It was just a total ick factor. She
stood, putting her plate in the sink and discreetly trying to figure out where
her husband was. He was laughing somewhere and she realized he was on the phone
when he said ‘Max’. Their friend hadn’t made it to the party because they were
waiting for some information on the stalker. Max had assured them that she
would be arrested within a couple of days.
With
another quick glance around, Buffy made her way to the back door. It was like
being in prison and she wondered how Faith had stood being locked away. The door
closed behind her and she breathed deeply taking in the sweet scent of being
alone. All day she had been questioned and studied as her family tried to
figure out what was going on with her. She wanted to be free of it for just a
moment.
Buffy
hesitated, making sure that no one was following her outside, before she headed
to the back wall. Her fingers ran across the magnolia bushes, pausing to inhale
their sweet scent. The back door opened and she sighed. Someone was coming.
There was no way that they’d allow Buffy to wander around unsupervised. She
looked over her shoulder to see Cordelia making her way across the back yard.
“Hi, Buffy,
what are you doing?”
“Trying to
catch a moment alone,” Buffy said, turning to head back to the house.
Cordelia’s
fake friendliness was not something she wanted to deal with at the moment.
There was too many things going on and the droning from her head was irritating
her.
“I wanted
to talk to you for a minute,” Cordy said, halting Buffy with a hand on her
upper arm. She waited until the Slayer turned around before continuing. “I know
everyone has been doing this whole coddling routine and trying so obviously to be
unobvious about asking you questions. But I’m not.”
“You’re
not,” Buffy said, knowing there had to be a catch, there always was with
Angel’s wife. Her snark factor had only grown over the years.
“No, I’m
not,” Cordy said, smiling with all those teeth showing. “No, I’m telling you.
I’ve known all along that you weren’t insane. You’ve always been wacko but not insane.
So, why don’t you quit this game or whatever you think you’re doing and let up
on your poor husband?”
“Do you
love Connor?” Buffy asked, the back of her fingers brushing against the
brunette’s cheek. The smiled vanished from Cordelia’s face and Buffy smiled.
“Do you?”
“Of course
I love Connor.”
“Do you
love him like a…son?”
“I’m not
playing this game,” Cordelia said, batting Buffy’s hand away from her. “If you
have something to say, just say it.”
Buffy
leaned closer and whispered, “I know the truth.”
“What
truth?”
It worked.
Cordelia was hooked. There was a flash of fear in her eyes before she resumed
her standard princess stance. It wouldn’t last.
“How you
must have hated Darla for the very act of conception? She had what you wanted. The
craving for Angel’s flesh, grinding into you, fucking you senseless and you
couldn’t have him. Could you? Not then.”
“I’m not
listening to this.”
Cordelia
stepped away but it was Buffy stopping her now.
“Then there
was Connor. The child you wanted to create with Angel. You were his mother in
so many ways, changing his diaper, cuddling him to your breast, wishing that he
could nurse from your teat. Wesley stole away your baby, your dreams, and your
hope that you’d be a family.”
“Don’t
Buffy,” Cordelia pleaded, tears filling her eyes. “How can you be so cruel?”
“I’m not.
The truth is so liberating. Don’t worry. I won’t tell them,” Buffy said, taking
the other woman’s hand. “I won’t tell how when Connor came back that you wanted
him. He was a child still but a man in so many ways. He adored you, wanted you,
looked at you like Angel never had. And for a moment, just a moment, you
wondered what it would be like to fuck him since you couldn’t have the father.”
The slap
didn’t even sting. It was welcome.
“Shut up,
you don’t know anything. If you even think about spreading these lies, I’ll
make you pay.”
Buffy
laughed because it was the truth. They both knew it. If it wasn’t then Cordelia
wouldn’t be so upset.
“It seems a
family trait. William wanted so badly to crawl back into his mother, and Connor
wanted to do the same. Maybe it’s why Angel’s father hated him so much,” Buffy said
her laughter louder with each sentence. “This family is so incestuous.”
Through
eyes that had narrowed to slits, Buffy watched her old enemy run to the house.
A part of her felt triumphant at hurting the other woman and a part of her
ached for Cordelia. If only they understood but it was already too late.
~~~~~~~~
The house
was blessedly quiet. Raven and Sean had gone to the movies with Fred and
Wesley. Cordelia had refused to stay at the house and had gone to a hotel with
Angel along with the rest of the LA gang. Elijah was sleeping and Spike was
downstairs leaving Buffy to tend to business.
An open
suitcase lay on the bed where Buffy was packing the few things she knew she’d
need. The baby carrier was the last item to be stuffed inside before she forced
the lid down. She put it inside the closet in case things didn’t go according
to plan. Next, she checked on her son and decided to let him sleep until the
last minute.
Closing her
eyes, Buffy tried once more to convince herself this was the only way. She knew
it was. It wasn’t like she had a choice. She didn’t need any more reminders of
who was in control. It was time and she made her way down to the living room
where Spike was watching a movie.
“Would you
like some wine?” Buffy asked, running her hands along his shoulders and down his
arms.
“That would
be nice,” Spike answered, pulling her down for a kiss.
Buffy
allowed him the kiss, enjoying the feel of his tongue as it invaded her mouth.
She teased it with her own and wished she had the time to make love to him. To
let him know one last time how much she loved him. In spite of what she’d said
that day, she would never let go of him. Never let go of the love she had for
him. It was the only thing keeping her sane.
She poured
out two glasses of red wine, glanced over her shoulder and pulled a small
packet out of her jeans. The mixture of powdered herbs were almost black and a
shiver of fear ran through her at what she was about to do. It had been her
choice. She was the one who had stolen it from the Magic Box after careful
research and idle conversation with Anya. Sighing she opened it and poured the
contents into the glass for Spike. After throwing the packet into the trash,
she mixed Spike’s wine with her finger.
Taking the
glasses, Buffy returned to sit next to her husband on the couch. It shouldn’t
take long for it to take effect if he would drink enough. She cuddled into his
side so that he couldn’t reach the table and had to hold onto his drink. It
worked as he absently sipped the liquid, finishing half the glass in only a few
minutes. Her head was nestled against his chest and she could hear his heart
beat slowing and feel his body starting to sweat. He knew something was wrong
as he shook his head. Buffy pulled away and stood.
“Don’t
fight it, Baby,” Buffy pleaded as he tried to stand. “Let it take you under.”
“What have
you done?”
Sobbing,
she stepped out of the way of his hand reaching for her. She hated this. She
hated doing this to him. If only things could have been different. Spike
staggered as the herbs took effect and he fell crashing onto the table.
“I’m sorry,
I’m sorry,” Buffy cried, as she saw the hurt of her betrayal shining in his
eyes. “I love you, remember that.”
It was
over. Spike was unconscious. Buffy lifted him onto the couch and covered him
with the afghan. Her fingers drifted along the planes of his face, her beautiful
man, such a contrast of life itself. He carried the extremes of nature within
him in perfect balance, love and hate, good and evil, he had seen both sides of
every emotion and let it mature him into the creature he was. How could she
ever have garnered the love of one such as him? She knew when this was over,
the chances of that love being lost was very real. Everyone has a breaking
point and how much hurt could one heart take? She kissed his cheek and returned
upstairs.
Buffy
grabbed the suitcase and went to wake Elijah.
“Is it
time, Mummy?”
“Yes,”
Buffy answered, helping him to dress.
Tears
slipped down her cheeks as she left their home and lead them through the
cemetery. Elijah stumbled, still half asleep, and she picked him up, making
their progress slower. Someone appeared before them, a vampire, and he reached
for her son.
“No, I’ll
carry him,” Buffy said, refusing to turn her son over.
She handed
him the suitcase and took his arm to help keep her balanced as they continued
to the entrance road. It wasn’t a surprise when she saw the limousine waiting
for them. She placed Eli back on the ground and held tight to his hand. The
minion hurried forward to put her suitcase in the trunk so he could open the
back door. Buffy held her breath as another vampire stepped out of the back.
It was him.
The face she had seen countless times in her nightmares.
“Dagon,”
Buffy said, a chill ran along her spine at seeing him in person.
The vampire
before her was handsome. His tall, dark looks bore a striking resemblance to
Angel but she knew Dagon lacked the other’s style. He was a wannabe that could
never quite measure up. The execution and delivery of his plans lacked the
grace and beauty of Angelus’ legend. His evil was heavy-handed and often
without enjoyment of what he wrought.
Buffy
allowed him his game. Let him lift her hand in greeting, kissing her palm with
cold, emotionless lips.
“Believe me
when I say it is honor to finally meet you in person, Mrs. Blood, “Dagon said,
“The woman who domesticated William the Bloody.”
Buffy only
nodded. It was time this monster found out who he was dealing with and if he
really thought Spike was domesticated it would only make his downfall easier.
“Shall we,”
Dagon said, sweeping his hand toward the car.
He reached
to help her in and she accepted it begrudgingly. Elijah crawled in first,
followed by his mother, clutching her hand as he stared at the vampire already
seated in the car.
“Hello my
little prince,” the woman said, holding her arms out to Elijah. “We can play
such games again. You will love the castle where we are going to live.”
“Is that my
dark mummy?” Elijah asked pointing to Drusilla, and at Buffy’s nod, he darted to
her, cuddling in her lap as they lost themselves in talk of the game they could
resume.
Dagon
settled next to Buffy, “Isn’t this nice? The beginnings of a family reunited…”
To be continued in Chapter 49 –
Unravel
Author’s
Note: Thank you to Vette for cluing me in about the
Order of Aurelius. And a reminder that in the Baby world Cordelia
never ascended to a higher plane so she was by Angel’s side during the whole
Connor crisis.
