July 10, 2007 5:45 PM

The exhausted adults slowly collapsed into various places on the back porch while Raven plucked Benjamin from his play pen so she could free him from his forced confinement and Elijah took off running to his own freedom in the backyard. His dizzying run in ever enlarging circles made the others shake their heads at his excessive energy. Of course having been confined in the house most of the day made this display easily explained.

“I’d say we made pretty good headway today,” Max offered as a way to start the conversation rolling in the wake of stumped sentences and polite orders of the previous hours. The kitchen had been cleared of debris and was now ready for minor repairs and replacement items. Raven had been placed in charge of the lists, one for the repairs and one for the things that needed to be replaced. Unfortunately for her, she had also been responsible for sweeping the floors once they were clear of the larger pieces.

After they had finished the kitchen the children’s rooms had been next. Thankfully their mattresses and springs were left untouched so that all that was left to replace was the bedroom furniture. But since it was something that had already been planned on no one was as upset about the losses in those rooms. Most of their personal things were left untouched, such as their clothes, just having been dumped out onto the floor when the dressers had been destroyed.

Thankfully Xander had been pulling strings for them all day and a construction size dumpster had been delivered mid-morning so that they had somewhere to remove the debris to. Buffy and Spike’s room had also been cleared but the living room and dining room were waiting to be tackled. Spike’s study was something that he wanted to do alone so that was also left untouched.

“Yeah, it feels like moving day except nobody is coming or going,” Buffy said looking wearily at their helpmate from Spike’s shoulder. She had curled into him on the swing needing the comfort of his arms but as she did the tension that was coiling tightly in him again was easily felt. The brief explosions this morning hadn’t held through the afternoon as they had gone from room to room cleaning up the remains of their home. Buffy could only hope that when he exploded this time that nobody was in his way that shouldn’t be.

“Thanks mate,” Spike said honestly to Max.

All day he had been working as hard as they had when there was no need for him to. After coming back with nourishment for everyone Max had called his superiors and said he was going to stay in Sunnydale for a few days to help out. Max had liked Spike as well as Buffy from the beginning and admired the fact that no matter what happened they seemed determined to work it out.

“No problem.”

“I hope the pizzas and stuff get here soon.” Clem said as he felt his stomach rumble in protest. Buffy and Spike’s kitchen had always been his place to go for snacks and for now it was pretty much gone.

“Me too, I am starving,” Raven chimed in as she amused Benjamin with his rattle.

“Actually, right about now, I am looking forward to eating pizza myself,” Giles added drolly.

“I’ll go in the morning to buy the refrigerator and see if I can bribe them to deliver it tomorrow too,” Buffy said.

Spike tensed a little knowing that he couldn’t go with her but then relaxed because, after all, it was just a refrigerator. The need to get perfect items didn’t seem to matter as much as it did the first time.

“Okay, then we can go shopping tomorrow night to start on the kid’s rooms,” Spike agreed to her purchase of the refrigerator but let her know that he wanted to be included on the rest of the things. She gently squeezed his hand in acknowledgment.

“Daddy, come play with me.” Elijah stood in middle of the yard with the sunlight shining on him.

“I can’t Elijah. Not until it’s dark.” Spike called out.

“I’m sorry I forgot. Max come play.”

Max laughed as he stood to go out to play with the boy. Within a few moments he was involved in a game of tag alternately chasing or being chased by Elijah. Spike watched as this man played in the sun with his child knowing it was something that he could never do. He knew it was silly to be jealous of this innocent game between the two but he was, especially after the events of the last day. Unable to watch anymore he stood abruptly, announced he was going to work on things in his study, and then walked away leaving everyone else in the waning afternoon.

~~~~~~~~~~

July 10, 2007 7:45 PM

Spike was setting up a temporary table for him to work on after having cleared out the old stuff. The only break he had taken in the past two hours was when Buffy had insisted he join them for dinner. She claimed that everyone needed the reassurance that some things, like family time, couldn’t be taken away just because there wasn’t a table to sit at. He had been relieved and a little proud when Elijah had chosen to sit next to him instead of Max. The little boy’s conversation had been peppered with ‘my Daddy this’ and ‘my Daddy that’, the highlight was the rescue of Rufus.

Immediately after dinner he had returned to the study trying to rescue as much as possible. Not only had the monitor of his computer been smashed but someone had taken the CPU, printer and fax machines and thrown them against the wall to ensure that they would be broken. When he had spoken with Willow earlier by phone she seemed confidant that she could save what was on the hard drive for him. The CD’s with his work and other things on them had been stepped on but he was hoping that some of them could be saved. Another phone call to Barney, his editor, had a second set of needed corrections being Fed Exed to him with morning delivery.

“Hi Spike,” Willow tentatively said from the door.

“Hey Will. Come on in.”

Willow stepped gingerly into the room noting the piles of paperwork and CD’s into separate piles on the floor. She knew that each of them was probably to their likelihood of being saved or not.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered almost afraid to break the grief like silence in the room. Her life was also heavily recorded and filed on a computer so she knew the emotions that had to be going through her friend. The blue eyes that turned to her almost made her catch her breath as she saw the pain reflected there. Without thinking she rushed to his side coming to kneel beside him on the floor and engulfing him in a hug. His arms moved to hold her as he took the comfort that was offered. Never again would he take his family and home for granted again. If nothing else this devastation proved to show him just how much it really meant to him.

They huddled in the embrace for a few moments as Spike regained his sense of purpose before he pulled back from her.

“Thanks,” he told her. It was humbling as he went from one person to another thanking them for helping a former evil monster restore his home.

“You don’t need to thank me. As much as we have all been through I’m just glad to do something for you.”

It was pure Willow, underestimating how much her friendship helped everyone. If it hadn’t been for Tara’s constant support they probably would have lost Willow to the dark side on more than one occasion from her inability to realize her worth to the group.

“I brought you a laptop for you to use temporarily until you can get a replacement. There is also a printer out in the kitchen. If you like I can go ahead and start setting up for you.” Willow said already making room on the makeshift table for her to work.

Spike walked out into the kitchen to get the printer for her. It was set down where her hand absently waved as she was already engrossed in her work.

“Willow.”

“Yeah,” she looked briefly at the vampire than back at the screen then as Spike came closer she looked back up at him in bafflement.

His hand cupped her face and he kissed her softly on the corner of her mouth.

“Thanks, Love, I appreciate it.”

Then he turned and left her to work.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh balls,” Spike muttered as he walked back into his kitchen to find Angel waiting for him. His apparently angry Grand-sire was leaning back against the counter with arms crossed. Their eyes met in a quick clash of unspoken emotions before Spike looked away and made a beeline for the door leading to the living room.

“Not so fast,” Angel said reaching out to grab his arm.

Spike shook his arm free taking the unspoken challenge and stepping into Angel’s space. “Back off,” he uttered with deadly emotion.

“No. I want to say a few things. Things that could be over with now but you saw fit to hang up on me.” Angel refused to back away from Spike’s threatening stance. It was time that someone had the guts to tell this punk a few facts of life. Everyone in Sunnydale either seemed too afraid to lay it on the line or was totally blind to the blonde’s selfish ways. Except Dawn who was the one that had called him to complain about Spike’s recent behavior.

“Don’t need or want your advice.”

“Too bad because you are going to get it anyway. Buffy is too important to me for me to see her hurt because you are turning into a whiny baby.”

“She’s my wife. Stay out of it.”

Angel stepped back, needing to clear his head. It wasn’t really his intention to fight Spike physically and Angel could feel the adrenaline rushing through his grand-childe.

“Look, Buffy is going to do everything and anything that she thinks she needs to do to hold onto you just so she isn’t alone anymore.”

“And who caused that insecurity. You did. I’m the one who has stuck it out with her, been there to take care of her and loved her no matter what.” Spike emphasized that last part hoping that the knife would twist in the other vampire’s gut just a little.

“I wanted her to have a normal life. Not a circus freak of a life,” Angel retorted refusing to let his words distract him from his purpose.

“She has a normal life.”

“Which you gave her reluctantly. It’s always your way. Yeah, you said okay let’s try to have a baby then not once in those six months, which was your time frame, can she relax enough to get pregnant. Stress hinders the process as if you didn’t know. Then you all have a chance to adopt and you have to threaten her into it by telling her it’s this or nothing.” Angel began to pace as he listed all the wrongs he felt that Spike had done to Buffy. “She agrees and still that isn’t enough so you take off with some other woman. And lastly you deny her the wedding she has always wanted. Yeah, you gave her normal, buddy. I am so proud of you.”

Spike was shaking as the rage coursed through him. The guilt for all the things he had done wrong was there anyway without Buffy’s ex telling him how he had failed.

“She loves me.” Spike words were mostly to reassure himself and had nothing to do with the brunette pacing his kitchen.

“Why, I don’t know? I should have dusted you five years ago when this whole thing started.”

“Do you want to step in and take care of her? Like you did when she was sixteen and you ruined her innocence and her trust.”

Angel stopped his pacing and moved in front of Spike again.

“That’s always going to bother you, isn’t it? That I was her first.”

“It bother’s me just as much as you are hung up on the fact that it’s me she’s wrapping her legs around every night and it’s my name she screams out as she cums.” Spike took a step closer to Angel as he snarled out his jealousy.

“You crude little bastard, you disgust me.”

“Go to hell, Angelus.”

Angel grabbed Spike by his t-shirt and shoved him against the counter.

“You listen to me and listen good. I know you’re biting her and that you are trying to play sick little games with her. She’s not Drusilla, so if I hear that she is hurt in any way or forced into anything that she doesn’t want, I will destroy you.”

“Sick little games? The ones that you taught me how to play, lover?” Spike delved down into all his pain and frustration with this vampire and said the words that he knew would anger him the most. Then he laughed in the face of the one he used to fear just to prove he didn’t anymore.

With a growl Angel turned into game face forcing Spike to follow suit to keep his edge up.

“She’s not a vampire and she’s not a toy for you to use.” Angel snarled. “She loves you for some reason, why isn’t that enough for you?”

“You don’t think I appreciate her. Is that what this is all about?” Spike bravado slipped some as he relaxed back into human guise. “Buffy is everything to me. So, much that it scares me. I love her more than I thought possible to love anyone or anything.”

Angel released him as the sincerity of Spike’s words resounded around him.

“You should have let her go when she still had a chance to have a normal life. To have babies and be with someone who could protect her.”

It was those last words that were the final straw for Spike on this day that had been nothing but emotional stress. It was the inability to protect her and their family that was bothering him more than anything. He didn’t stop to think as he punched Angel in the jaw. Then he followed him down letting his frustrations, pain, and anger out on Angel.

“Oh my God, they look like cats fighting,” Cordelia exclaimed as she with the others came hurrying into the kitchen after they had heard the growling and sounds of flesh hitting flesh.

“Come on. Stop it.” Giles exclaimed attempting to reach out to separate them but was almost pulled down as the two vampires rolled on the floor neither holding back.

“If they want to act like cats then they will be treated like cats.” Buffy stated as she reached for the hose that was on the kitchen sink. “Watch out everybody,” she warned before turning the water on full force directing it at the fighting pair.

It took a few moments to realize that they were being soaked before they broke apart. They stood facing off as they panted needlessly and shook water off of them.

Buffy walked over to Spike laying a hand on his arm.

“Leave me be.” He scowled at her then turned to Angel, “I can protect my family,” before giving a quick look around the room then stomped off out the back door.

“What the hell?” Buffy stared at the door that her husband had left by.

“You interfered in guy business,” Xander told her. “I’ll go talk to him.”

As Xander headed out the back door Max turned to follow him. He didn’t know what was going on between Spike and this other guy but he was laying his loyalty with Spike. Plus he understood not being able to protect your family from harm so he figured maybe he could help Spike deal with some of this.

~~~~~~~~~~

Connor slipped out onto the front porch with a smile on his face. He had actually enjoyed seeing his Dad get his ass kicked by Spike. Might wipe some of the superiority off of his face for a change but most likely it wouldn’t because Angel thought for sure he was here to save the world. And damn anyone, including his son that got in his way. A sigh was issued for the night as he sat on the steps.

The front door opened and he knew it was her without having to turn around. Raven had been watching him ever since they had gotten here. It wasn’t that he wasn’t flattered or that he didn’t think she was pretty it was the fact that she was only fourteen. Okay, she would be fifteen in September but she was still a kid.

“Hey, mind if I sit?” She asked as she sat without waiting for a reply. “Do you want a cigarette?” Raven held her breath as she held Spike’s pack up for him to see.

“No thanks I don’t smoke. You do?” Connor was trying not to laugh at her attempt at being older and cooler by offering a smoke.

“Sometimes,” Raven answered laying the pack on the porch with relief. She had never smoked in her life and still wasn’t sure what possessed her to even snitch them. Hopefully Spike wouldn’t look for them until she could get them back in their place. “So, what’s up with your Dad and Spike?”

“You don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“My Dad was Buffy’s first love and Spike can’t handle it.”

“Oh.” Raven processed that information while she began to think about the fact that Angel was a vampire too. “Your dad has a soul too. Do Spike and him have another connection?”

“Yeah, but it has nothing to do with them being souled. They were separate incidents. My Dad is Spike’s grand-sire.”

“Grand what?”

Connor looked at her with superiority having all the knowledge of the family and knowing that she was completely new to this completely insane incestuous group.

“Sire. A vampire sires another vampire or turns them. Angel sired Drusilla who sired Spike which makes Angel, Spike’s grand-sire.”

“Dru? Spike’s ex-girlfriend?”

“Yep, that’s her.”

Raven was looking more confused by the minute as she tried to follow the thread of history that was being opened to her.

“What happened to Drusilla?”

“Locked up somewhere in Europe the last I heard.” Connor offered enjoying this role of teacher. Might be something to be said for someone having a crush on him.

“Oh. Is Cordelia your mom?”

“No, just my step mom but she’s cool. Took care of me when I was a baby and when I came back.”

“Where’s your mom?”

“Staked herself so I could be born. She was a vampire. Yeah, I know two vampires shouldn’t be able to conceive but somehow they did.” He offered the last part before she could ask.

“So, if there is a possibility for a vampire to have a child, why didn’t Buffy and Spike have babies?”

This question threw Connor because he hadn’t expected her to take this direction with her questioning but he didn’t think it would hurt to be honest with her.

“They did try before you and your brother got here. Spike couldn’t get her pregnant and the next thing we knew you two were here.”

Raven was silent for awhile then more to herself then to the boy beside her she announced her conclusions in dire tone.

“So, Elijah and I are just the substitute children. If they could have their own babies they wouldn’t have us.”

It was then that Connor knew he had made a mistake and turned to look at the front yard unsure of how to fix the damage he had caused in his flippant need for adulation.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, Spike, slow down. We mere mortals can’t keep up with you.” Xander called out to his friend who was walking as if the hounds of hell were after him.

Spike turned back abruptly, growling as he faced his friend.

Xander stopped by his heels as he noticed Max take a step behind him. To anyone who didn’t know would think Spike was about to attack but Xander had seen this side of the blonde too many times not to know that Spike was just fighting his own demons of pain and insecurity.

“Careful, there, you are scaring the newbie.” Xander said calmly. He wasn’t afraid of Spike attacking but there wasn’t any reason not to be cautious.

Yellow eyes flickered at the man behind his friend noting that Max didn’t really look scared but more was stepping out of the way out of respect. With a deep breath he shook his head so that he was back in human visage.

“Sorry. That bastard just gets to me every time.”

“I know. He didn’t have any right to be giving you a hard time,” Xander agreed.

“I just want to know who has been talking to him about things that are none of his business.”

“Not me. And I don’t know who has. Nobody has said anything to me about it,” Xander replied. If someone had told him they were talking to Angel he would have been the first to try to talk them out of it. Spike didn’t want Angel to know anything about his relationship with Buffy except the most obvious things. Xander agreed because there were things in his relationship with Anya that he didn’t think anyone needed to know but the two of them.

Realizing that he was opening himself up in front of a practical stranger who already knew too much Spike clamped his mouth shut.

“Sorry if I’m intruding but I came out because I didn’t think he was right telling you that you can’t protect your family,” Max explained softly. “Sometimes there are things beyond your control but it doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t die for them if it took that.”

Xander and Spike glanced at each other before looking back at Max. Apparently this man knew about pain but they wouldn’t ask until he was willing to volunteer. The knowledge alone would give him temporary admittance into their circle until they knew everything.

“Hey you guys.” Fred called out to let the meeting of testosterone know that she was coming. Angel was ready to load the van so they could leave and she had volunteered to come out and find Spike and Xander.

“Hello Fred.” Spike responded as he looked at the woman who had befriended him in the floundering first weeks after he had been souled. “Has the brooding pouf calmed down any?”

“Yeah, he’s all clamed up and hurrying us along now.”

Fred ignored the ‘leave me alone’ vibes radiating from Spike and hugged him tightly to let him know that she was on his side. Sometimes Angel just felt like he had to control everyone. She would fight beside Angel giving him all her loyalty but that didn’t mean she didn’t see his faults.

Spike melted at her affection and hugged her back. It seemed that everyone wanted to take care of him today and he appreciated every bit of it.

“How are you and Gunn’s wife getting along?” Spike had been sad when Fred and Gunn had been unable to make it work out. The two were just too different to blend well.

“Like you and Angel get along. She refers to his days with me as his slumming days,” she quipped trying to hide the hurt that it still brought when she thought of Gunn marrying someone totally opposite of her.

“Bitch.”

“Shhh, you are still Gunn’s friend too.”

“I know but that doesn’t mean that I am hers.”

“Really. Just something about that woman just, I don’t know, she doesn’t fit.” Xander offered his support of Fred.

“Thanks guys. I appreciate it.”

Max watched the exchange between the friends with a twinge of jealousy. It had been a long time since he had been in one place long enough to develop deep ties to anyone. While he was here he would enjoy the temporary inclusion with them but keeping a part of him separate for the time when he had to leave.

~~~~~~~~~

July 10, 2007 10:40 PM

Buffy watched herself in the mirror while she brushed her teeth trying to push away the memory of her friends’ sorrow as they watched the van carrying their babies pulled away. Benjamin, Jacob, Aidan and Jessy were now temporary residents at the Hyperion Hotel. She laughed as she thought of what Angel had to be going through living in the day care atmosphere that was going on there. Luckily Kate had been able to take family emergency leave to go with her son. Benjamin was only three months old and still nursing so no one had felt any resentment at her going with them. Not that they would have anyway.

After spitting and rinsing her mouth Buffy slipped on her pink flannel pajamas with poodles dotting it. Having Clem and Max staying in the house she had to stay completely covered when wandering the halls. A door opened and then a moment later another door opened and closed, Buffy getting suspicious went to investigate. Elijah’s door was open now so she turned to Raven’s room. After knocking and receiving an okay she opened the door to find Elijah curled up next to his sister.

“Do you mind him being in here?” Buffy asked.

“Why would I? He is my brother,” Raven answered. She pulled the covers up and tucked them around Elijah protectively. “Those are mine.”

Buffy was squatting by the bed looking at some photographs lying on the floor. She looked briefly up at Raven then back at the pictures.

“Are these your parents?” She asked softly already knowing the answer but hoping that Raven would open up to her.

“Yeah.”

“Your mother was very beautiful. You were right. You look just like her.”

“Thanks,” Raven hated it when Buffy did this. She was trying so hard to hate her new mother but then she would go and do something nice which only chipped at the wall she was trying to build.

“Are these the only photos you have?” Buffy looked up as Raven nodded her head. “How about tomorrow we take these and have copies made. A set for Elijah to have in his room,” she smiled as Elijah peeked his head out when he heard his name, “and a set to hang on the wall downstairs. I’ve decided that there is going to be a family picture wall and these should be included if you agree.”

“They’re not your family.”

“In a roundabout way they are. They are your family and you’re my family now so that kind of makes them my family too. So, may I hang a set on the wall?”

“Okay.” Maybe Connor was wrong but it seemed too much to hope for as Raven reached out to take the photos from Buffy.

“By the way what happened to all the stuff that was in your house?”

Raven shrugged her shoulders. They had to leave so suddenly that they barely had time or space to take anything with them.

“Tell you what I’ll ask Max in the morning if he knows.” Buffy reached over to smooth Raven’s wayward curls with a smile.

“Thanks.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Spike was lying on the pile of blankets that Buffy and he had made into a makeshift bed until they could get something else. Candles were the only lights in the room as he tried to read his latest Michael Crichton novel. He looked up as the door to the bedroom opened to find Buffy leaning on the door jamb. A smile crossed his face as he saw the ridiculous looking pajamas she was wearing.

“Can we talk?”

“Yeah,” Spike closed the book and laid it on the floor. “Are you coming in or staying there?”

“Just wanted to make sure it was okay otherwise I was going to go and see if there was anything resembling chocolate left in that kitchen.”

He held a hand out to her as she smiled and walked toward him. Buffy grasped his hand but refused to be pulled to him instead coming to sit cross legged next to him. Spike shifted onto his back with one hand tucked behind his head while he waited for her to speak.

“I’m sorry about earlier.” Buffy said softly as she played with the material of her pajama legs.

“It’s okay. Over with now.”

“You and Angel are never going to be friends, are you?” She looked up to see the reaction in his eyes.

“No.”

“Is it just because of me?” She didn’t want to think that she was the only thing preventing them from making a full truce.

“It’s you and Drusilla and everything else that Angel uses to try to make me feel small.” Spike reached over to cover her hands with his free one while his thumb caressed the palm of one. “Don’t feel that it’s your fault, pet.”

She nodded trying to understand but knew that she probably never would. Spike didn’t like to talk about those days except in vague terms. Not only from not wanting to share the darker side of him but also the pain and humiliation that he had suffered at the hands of the other vampires.

“What else?”

There was something else that she wanted to talk about and he suspected that the talk of Angel had only been a stalling tactic for what she really wanted to ask about. Spike would wait for her to ask even though he knew what it was about. Sitting up he moved to cup her face so that he could kiss her. It was soft in nature only meant to reassure her and make her feel safe. When he pulled back he saw the gratitude in her eyes. Leaning back on his elbow he waited.

“Did I hurt you when I bit you?” Her finger slowly outlined the bruising on his shoulder.

“Some but it’s healing. Should be gone by morning.”

Buffy nodded again. It was silly to be scared to talk to him when just a few days ago she was upset with him because he couldn’t talk about sex with her.

“When I bit you and I tasted your blood I felt things.” She spoke while staring at her hands and when he didn’t respond she snuck a quick peek at him through her bangs. “Everything kind of got heightened.”

Spike grinned at her tentative question. He had chosen to open his sexual desire for her and she had taken to it eagerly.

“When I drank from Dracula the only things I got from it was like a Slayer history and this power rush. I don’t understand.”

“That’s what he wanted you to see. Like this morning I wanted you to feel the pleasure. Vampires when we share our blood we can open and close parts of ourselves so the biter only sees what we want them to see or feel.”

Buffy only looked perplexed not fully understanding.

“Since vampires don’t have this huge expanse of soul to share, we can turn things on and off more than other creatures. Control parts of ourselves, our histories and our feelings. When you drank my blood I could open up the power and the history or my love or a hundred other things. Like project them onto you but I chose the sexual rush. I wanted you to feel really good. The other night, on our wedding night, you kind of did the same thing. You gave your consent for me to bite from your neck out of love and I could taste and feel that love, so powerful, when I drank from you.”

“Oh,” she understood it a little bit more now and wondered when they could do it again and what else she could see in him.

“Not too much, Buffy. It can get addicting and then the normal things don’t seem to be as good.”

She nodded again knowing that it was true. If she had an orgasm like that everyday then the normal ones would never be appreciated again.

“Why didn’t you bite me back? I could feel your…you at my neck but you never did.”

“Because to do that would be like doing a ritual that two vampires do. They have to be joined together sexually and then drink from the other at the same time. When you do that there is nothing that can be held back. It opens the flood gates between the two.”

“Can we do that? I want to know all of you, Spike.” Buffy asked eagerly.

“No, Buffy, no. It’s not meant for humans. I’ve only seen it done with a human once, a vampire we were hanging with fell for one of his…pets and wanted to do the ritual with her. She went insane from it. There was too much for her to handle. I won’t do it with you, Buffy. It’s either me or you doing the biting but never both of us at the same time. Do you understand?”

Spike waited for her agreement before turning to blow the candles out. After lying down he pulled her against him. Unfortunately he knew the matter wasn’t completely dropped. He could hear the wheels turning in Buffy’s head trying to figure out a way to get him to agree to try but he would never voluntarily go through with it.

TBC