June 6, 2007 4:45 PM
Buffy placed her hands on the headboard of their bed and slowly stretched. It
was an awkward movement because she couldn’t disturb the lower half of
her body. Spike and she had just had the last sex of the last ovulation of their
agreement so her bottom was propped up on the pillow, a position that she had
come to hate with a passion and would never willingly assume again.
A smile slowly crossed her face as the last week filtered through her mind. Spike had been a changed man since the night he had made love to her on the stairs, constantly taking care of her every need. She had been loved, massaged, cuddled, and talked with.
The only down side had been when she had hesitantly brought up extending their agreement. His response had been an immediate and firm no. Buffy hadn’t pushed her luck hoping that there wouldn’t be a need for it and if there was a need, maybe at a later date he would be willing to try again.
Buffy turned as Spike came back through the door holding the cordless phone to his ear.
“Okay, Barney, it will be in your office next Thursday. Okay?” Spike was speaking to his publisher who had called a few minutes ago. “Bye.”
After hanging up he placed the phone on the nightstand then came to lie on the bed beside Buffy facing the opposite way with his feet propped on the pillows and his head near her feet.
“Is everything all right?” Buffy asked him gesturing toward the phone.
“He just wants the rough draft by next week.” Spike explained as his hand slipped under the covers to caress her thigh.
“Will it be ready?”
“It should be but I will probably have to be hidden away a lot.” He said as he flipped the cover aside to expose her leg to him. “With some conjugal visits to help keep me focused.”
“Oh, married and never told me? So, I’m nothing more than your mistress?” Buffy asked in mock hurt.
Spike leaned over to place a kiss above her knee while one hand continued to stroke the flesh of her thigh.
“What can I say? I’ve always been bad.” He replied with a flash of a wicked grin.
Buffy giggled at his words but as his tongue moved behind her knee the giggle became a moan.
“Buffy? We do have the all clear after this?” Spike asked as he shifted his attention further down her leg, her ankle now the recipient of affectionate nips from his teeth.
“The cycle is pretty much done. This was the last time.” Buffy sputtered the words out as he moved his tongue to the arch of her foot.
“Good, because we have a lot of missed sex to make up for.” He explained as he sucked her big toe into his mouth.
“Are we going to do this make up sex all at one time or are we going to space it out some?”
Buffy squirmed as his tongue and teeth returned to the arch of her foot and his left hand slowly caressed her calf.
“Well, I don’t know, Love.” Spike answered as he put her foot back on the bed. His eyes slowly moved over body making her shiver in anticipation. “You know, I was thinking a little oral gratification twice a day for the next year would be nice?”
“For me or for you?”
Spike sat up then moved till he was on his hands and knees facing her. With deliberate slowness he placed one hand and leg on each side of her so that he could crawl up her body and watched her eyes darken with desire. Once he was positioned over her torso he leaned down to kiss her with a hard possessive kiss. After breaking from her lips his mouth danced across her neck then down over her chest. It was only after the covers were down around her waist did he stop.
“Both at the same time. You than me. Or me then you. Whatever happens to feel good at the time,” he finally answered her while keeping his eyes on the rapid movements of her chest as she breathed heavily with need.
Buffy never took her eyes from Spike as he watched her. It never ceased to amaze the innumerable expressions that shone from his face as he loved her. Everything that was in his heart was there for her to see and it humbled her that it was only for her. Almost as if he knew what she was thinking he looked up at her and smiled.
“And to make up for everything,” Spike seductively whispered as he placed a hand on her side before letting it wander leisurely down her body until he cupped the curve of her bottom. “Maybe a trip to where no man has gone before would be in order.”
“And still no man will go.” Buffy laughed up at him as she pushed his hand away from her. At first he pouted before he changed tactics.
“I promise you’ll enjoy it.” He told her seductively as he began to nuzzle her neck. “Just say yes.”
Her hands tangled in his hair as he licked and nipped at her throat.
“The only time you’ll get a yes is when I am old and senile and don’t know what I am agreeing to.” She told him breathlessly.
He laughed into the curve of her shoulder.
“That will be great. By then I won’t be able to find what I am looking for. I’ll get lost trying to move the yards of wrinkles that hang down to your knees.”
“Thanks a lot Mister I’ll Always Be Beautiful.” Buffy joked as she shoved at his chest. If he kept playing she wouldn’t have the strength to resist him long enough to get through the rest of the time allotted for the pillow.
He took the hint and crawled off her but he didn’t go far as he came to lie beside her. Her hand searched for his until they were clasped together and she brought them to rest on her stomach as they lay contentedly next to each other.
A bittersweet feeling filled her heart as she realized that it was possibly over for them having a child. If she didn’t get pregnant during this cycle it may never happen. A part of her heart closed itself off as she feared the wait over the next two weeks. If she didn’t harden a part of herself the wait might drive her crazy.
“Spike?” She called to him softly afraid to break the silence between them.
“Hmmm, Love?” Spike had been almost asleep enjoying the sated feeling of his body. It hadn’t felt this good in a long time between them. After considering the words of his friends he had taken their advice, focusing his attention on Buffy in the last week to break the tension and she had responded accordingly, relaxing under his care and giving more back to him.
He turned back onto his side so that he was facing her again and stared into eyes that were dark with emotions as she studied him.
“Is everything okay? Are we okay?” Buffy asked him in a need to reaffirm their commitment to each other. During the past week under his thoughtfulness she hadn’t doubted them at all but once they moved from this bed things would change again. The agreement was over taking with it all the rules they had lived with for a half a year. They couldn’t go back to the way they were before because they weren’t the same people. This time had changed who they were and they would have to find a new way of going forward.
Spike twirled a lock of her hair before he answered her.
“I love you, Buffy. You know that. Things have been rough lately but it will be okay. There are things we need to talk about but later. After we know where we stand.” He tried to give her the reassurance she needed the best way he could. The conversation he had with Giles had started him thinking about their future but he wanted to wait to make decisions until he knew if she was pregnant or not. The answer they got in two weeks would pretty much determine which way they went. But no matter what happened he knew his future was with her.
“I don’t know what I would do without you.” Her voice was filled with desperation at the fear of losing him. Spike had become so much a part of her that she didn’t think she could remember how to walk if he wasn’t there.
“You won’t ever have to find out.” He declared before he kissed her softly but it quickly deepened as they both needed reassurance from the other.
“Hey, is anybody home?”
They pulled apart as they recognized Clem’s voice calling to them from downstairs. Buffy rolled her eyes at the interruption as Spike yelled out to him that they would be downstairs in a moment. Spike sat up to look for his discarded clothes. The only thing he could find was his jeans which he pulled on but gave up on his shirt and grabbed a clean one from the drawer pulling it over his head as he walked to the door.
“You going to come downstairs?” He turned to ask Buffy before he left the room.
“Yeah, I’ll be down as soon as I am done here,” She answered after a quick glance at the clock before adding hopefully as her stomach growled, “Maybe he brought food.”
As soon as the appointed thirty minutes was over Buffy hurriedly threw on some jeans and Spike’s discarded t-shirt that she had found. As she started down the stairs, she pulled her hair up into a pony tail and followed the sound of voices into the living room. The two friends sat cross legged on the floor playing a game on Spike’s new PS3. She noticed happily that there were plates of food sitting beside them on the floor.
“Hi, Clem.” Buffy said as she walked into the room heading for the demon with an appreciative air.
“Hey.” Clem called over his shoulder without taking his eyes of the action on the screen. “There are wings, pizza and one of those Greek salads you like in the kitchen.”
“Have I ever told you how much I love you?” Buffy laughingly told her friend as she hugged him from the back. She planted a noisy kiss on his cheek before turning to head into the kitchen.
“Can you still not satisfy her, man? Cause she is coming on to me again.”
Spike waited until he gotten through the door for the next level before he responded.
“I told you to go for it if you think you can take her from me.” He deadpanned before taking a bite from a slice of pizza. It had become a joke between them over the years as Clem had become almost a member of their house. He still lived in Spike’s old crypt with an open invitation to come to the house whenever he wanted. The wall that had previously been torn down to create an entrance from the crypt to the basement of the house had been made into an actual doorway.
“Thanks and I love you too.” Buffy called out from the direction of the kitchen making the two men laugh.
Soon she wandered back into the living room taking a seat on the couch. A plate of pizza was put on the couch next to her while she started to devour her salad. Earlier she had been too nervous too eat as she had waited for Spike to make love to her. There was almost a feeling of relief that it was over so they could get back in touch with themselves and each other.
“I get to play the winner.” She announced between bites of her food.
Clem and Spike both turned to look at her before returning to their game. Buffy was notorious for not having any coordination when it came to playing the games. She was great when she was fighting but the games she couldn’t handle.
“Gotcha.” She told them letting them know that she was joking with them. It was good just to relax with Spike and Clem. It would be hard but she decided then that she wouldn’t let the next two weeks be a time of frustrated waiting. She couldn’t control the outcome so the only thing she could do was let time reveal itself. Until then she was going to concentrate on Spike and their relationship.
June 13, 2007 11:20PM
The vampire grabbed Buffy’s hair flinging her with it over a tombstone.
She fell on her side on top of the cold marble before sliding off into the grass.
The vampire kicked out toward her while she rolled away from it. Buffy was quickly
on her feet as she sparred with the demon intent on making her night miserable.
He deflected her arm when she tried to stake him then punched her with his other
arm.
Buffy doubled over as he struck her. Now, she was angry. She came back up surprising him and soon his dust was falling to the ground. As she started to walk back toward the house a sudden pain ripped through her lower abdomen and her hand came to rest on the source.
“No.” She uttered as the pain became a familiar cramp. Her mind refused to accept the inevitable as she hurried toward home and by the time she came through the back door there no denying it. She could feel the warm stickiness of blood pooling between her legs as the cramps continued.
Her mind registered the still closed door of Spike’s study as she bounded up the steps. The first thing she did was call Kate telling her hysterically what had happened in the cemetery. It had to be her fault for patrolling. If she had stayed at home it might not have happened. The guilt was overwhelming her even though Kate assured her that it was just her period starting and not a miscarriage. The logical side of Buffy knew that she was right but the emotional side needed an excuse for not being pregnant.
Finally calming a little she bid Kate goodbye and headed for the bathroom. All she wanted to do was scream until there was nothing left inside of her that hurt. She climbed into the hot shower automatically going through the motions of washing and as the last of the shampoo was rinsed from her hair she leaned against the wall letting the tears come again.
Then Spike was there with his hands turning her into the comfort of his body. Her arms wrapped around him while she buried her face against his chest and as her sobs became louder he held her tighter.
“I’m sorry, Buffy. I’m so sorry.” Spike whispered to her, at a lost as how to help her. The first thought was to tell her that they would keep trying but he knew they needed some time before that happened. Their relationship needed to be strengthened so that the next time they wouldn’t hurt each other as much.
He slowly sat in the tub with Buffy cradled between his legs. His hands smoothed her hair back from her face as the water continued to spray down on them unnoticed. Time seemed to still as they were cocooned in the smallness of the shower. His hands gently stroked her back as she let her hurt and disappointment out.
When her tears had slowed to sniffles against him Spike stood bringing her up with him grabbing a towel to dry her off. Buffy stood still as the towel was rubbed against her skin. It didn’t seem to matter what happened anymore. She turned around when Spike told her to so he could dry her hair. Finally he left her there so he could get her some pajamas and when he returned he helped her dress in them as she moved the way he asked her to.
Spike was scared as she seemed to be lost to him and unwanted memories of times when she couldn’t cope flickered through his mind. That time when Dawn had been snatched by Glory and when Giles had adopted her. Times that Buffy in order to cope with her overwhelmed emotions had become catatonic or self destructive.
Once she was dried off and dressed in her pajamas he led her to their bedroom kissing her gently as he got her to lie under the covers.
“I’m going to go get you something to drink.” He told her softly brushing her hair back before he left.
When he reached the kitchen he snatched a bottle of Jack Daniels. Although he didn’t like her to drink too much when she was upset tonight seemed like a good night for exceptions. A large dollop of the alcohol was added to a cola for her.
A sound upstairs made Spike look upwards at the ceiling. Buffy was pacing making the floorboards squeak. He finished mixing the drink and hurried back upstairs.
He stopped in the door to watch her move from one end of the room to the other. She was talking to herself as the tears fell down her face again. She stopped her pacing as soon as she saw him standing there. Spike moved into the room so that he was standing across the bed from her.
“Come on, Love, let’s get back into bed.” He coaxed her as she eyed him warily.
Buffy threw her arms up in the air as she looked at him.
“I don’t understand. What did I do wrong? Did the gods just bestow misery on me when I was born?” She was bordering on hysteria as her ramblings became more incoherent. “Haven’t I done enough to deserve a little happiness? I mean is there some reason why I’m not good enough to be a mother?”
“Buffy, calm down and we can talk. Okay?” Spike said trying to break through her ranting.
But she ignored him.
“And is there some reason that you’re not good enough to be a father? What’s wrong with you? Angel is a father.” As soon the rambling left her mouth she knew she had said the wrong thing. She didn’t need to see Spike stiffen to know she had hurt him. “Spike, I’m sorry. That came out wrong.”
His eyes echoed the hurt her words had given him and he watched as Buffy knelt on the bed crawling toward him.
“No, it didn’t. Actually, pet, it is crystal clear now.” He said enunciating each word carefully. He stepped back away from her outstretched hand. “No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I love you, I will always be second in your heart.”
“No, Spike, that’s not true.” Buffy reached for him again as the tears filled his eyes.
“Yes, it is. Buffy. We both know it is. That is the something that has always been between us. Him. Angel.” Spike practically spat out his name in his hurt. “I will never be good enough. I accept that now.”
He reached a hand out to cup her face. His thumb stroked the tears from her eyes.
“I love you.” Buffy told him as her hands wrapped around his arm.
“I know you do. But I think you were right from the beginning though.”
“About what?” She asked in confusion not understanding where he was going with this.
“Love just isn’t enough.”
Then he carefully put the drink on the nightstand and turned to walk out the door away from her.
