Chapter 13 – Someday
How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren’t we able to see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables.
Well I'd hope that since we're here anyway
That we could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up staying
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
Nickelback
The decorating was going on
in full force. Raven, Connor and the girls were busy turning the house into a
four-year-old’s dream of pink ribbons and balloons.
Buffy was in the kitchen with
“Do you think you can slip
away with me for a little while?”
“Go ahead, Buffy,”
“Okay then, Buffy said. She
piled the remaining carrots onto a platter. “We’ve got the cell if someone
needs us.”
Spike waited until they were
halfway across the backyard before he slipped his hand in hers. Everyone knew
there was tension between them and that was part of the reason he wanted to get
this settled. Their daughter should have the best birthday party she could
without any undue unrest.
Neither said anything as he
led her through the cemetery. The peace
between them was welcome after the night before. Spike turned his face toward
the sun, letting the rays warm him. For so long this had been denied him and
now it was his again.
“Sometimes it feels strange
for me and you to be together in sunlight,” Buffy said, voicing his unspoken
thoughts. She smiled up at him. The happiness in her eyes warmed him and he slipped
closer to her until they were walking with their arms around each other. “I’m
glad though.”
“Me too,” Spike answered as
they came to a stop by their bench. It had seemed forever since they had been
here. Their lives too caught up in the daily routine but with a smile he
admitted that this was fate. In the early days of their relationship so many
decisions had been made here. It only felt right to decide their future here,
too.
Buffy settled next to him.
Her legs crossed beneath her while he leaned forward on his forearms.
“Promise me something?”
“What’s that?” Spike glanced
behind him to stare into eyes that were suddenly wary.
“Be honest. I can handle
anything as long as you’re honest.”
“Like you were last night?”
“Yeah,” Buffy answered with
a smile that crinkled up her nose.
“You were right. I hate
admitting it,” Spike paused with a sigh. “But a part of me still hasn’t
forgiven you for not loving me freely. I guess sometimes I wonder if you do
love me or if you settled for me.”
“I don’t doubt your love.”
“I’m just a right bastard
then, huh?”
“I don’t want to fight with
you again.”
“God, Buffy,” Spike
exclaimed, rubbing his hands over his face. “I don’t want to fight with you. I
mean…are we fooling ourselves? Do we have anything to build on?’
“Our home, our children,
friends and family,” Buffy said, putting her hand on his back. “Nine years of
being together…I don’t want to lose you.”
Her voice was trembling and
he knew he was tearing her apart.
“I don’t want to lose you
either,” Spike said. “I want us together…I don’t want to tear apart our family.”
“So, how do we get past all
the bad stuff?”
Spike didn’t know what the
answer was so he didn’t say anything.
“Pet?”
“Yeah?” Buffy asked
cautiously.
“Why did you think I wanted
to be with Dylan?” Spike asked, turning to face her. “Do you really not trust
me to be faithful to you?”
“
“
~~~~~~~~~
August, 1969
The beat from the song My Generation
weaved its spell among the thousands of young people still partying despite the
fact that it was three in the morning. The atmosphere was almost serene as Spike
made his way through the throng. He’d lost his sandals hours ago so the mud was
squishing through his toes. They had
disappeared sometime after he had eaten that young man. Ever since then the
world had been a crazy kaleidoscope of sensations that he was just floating
through.
Drusilla had disappeared with some other women early
in the night. This crowd of happy, tripping kids was the perfect place for his
dark princess to get lost in. They all just assumed that she was on the same
drugs they were and paid no mind to her endless chatter of things that no one
could see or understand. The last time he’d seen her she was dancing hand in
hand in a long line that weaved around others not so energetic. She had been
beautiful in the long white flowing peasant dress. Her hair flowing over her
shoulders with flowers weaved through her raven locks. She was truly living up
to the nickname of princess…his princess.
Spike was full which only added to the need to crash
as the drugs worked their way through his system. Everything was spinning in
slow motion.
“Hey, man, you look out of it,” a boy said to him.
“You wanna come join us. Me and my old lady have a tent.”
“Sure,” Spike said, smiling at the beautiful boy in
front of him. Probably not more than twenty, long blonde hair and big blue eyes
and he felt his cock stir in interest. He had seen the boy earlier in the night
but had lost sight of him in the crowd. It had to be fate. Sex and food served
in such an innocent child. It was a perfect way to spend the last few hours
before dawn. “I saw you earlier…up at
the food stand.”
“Yeah, groovy that you remember me,” the boy said.
“By the way my name is Peter.”
They shook hands, laughed then looped their arms
around one another. Peter’s hand was warm against his flesh. His shirt had
gotten lost somewhere too and the vampire had been reduced to only a pair of
dirty bell bottoms that hung low on his hips. Well, that and a macramé headband
that kept his curly brown locks out of his face.
The two males walked arm in arm toward the fringe of
the people where some tents were set up for sleeping quarters. Peter held back
the flap of the tent so Spike could crawl in first. The sweet scent of pot was
heavy in the small space. A young woman was stretched out on a sleeping bag.
Peter lay down beside her, gesturing to the other side for Spike to lie down
with them.
“She’s going to have a baby,” Peter whispered,
rubbing the soft mound of the girl’s stomach.
“Hi, there,” the pretty blonde girl smiled up at
Spike. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and stretched. “My name is Rainbow.”
“Hello,” Spike said, rubbing her belly. The child in
her moved beneath his hand and he grinned at the gentle stretching motion of
her belly.
“I think she likes you,” Peter said, sitting back up.
He opened a small box and pulled out a joint which he promptly lit. “You want a
hit?”
Rainbow sat up and leaned back against Peter. She
took a hit then passed it to Spike.
“So did you come from
“No, Dru and me, we travel around quite a bit. Don’t
like to be tied down.”
“Know what that’s like,” Peter said. “Rainbow and I
left home like last year. Been on the road ever since.”
“Parents just don’t understand what it’s like
anymore,” Spike said, nodding. It was an old story in this generation. His
mother flashed through his mind and a twinge hit him but he let it go. That was
past, a distant—yet not forgotten—memory. Never one to live in things already
done, he plastered on a friendly smile for the children.
They smiled at him like he was their best friend. So
trusting with no clue as to what was on his mind. Once they finished the joint
the three settled down to sleep. Rainbow was nestled between the two men and
Peter was soon snoring. It was him that Spike wanted. The girl was like every
other girl around. She was trying to be so blasé about this life when she
really wanted to settle down. He moved closer, resting his hand on her belly
feeling the child move, waiting until she responded to him. She waited for his
kiss and he gave it willingly. His lips moving across her neck then he pulled
her close as he sank his fangs into the sweet flesh. She gasped but didn’t
struggle much. The drugs gave her little resistance to his call of death.
Her heart stopped and he closed her eyes before
moving her to the other side of the tent. Thanking the darkness and the
illusions of the night, Spike pulled Peter to him.
“I’ve never with a guy before,” Peter whispered but
easily turned his body over to the vampire.
It was a different time, a different generation where
lines blurred. Spike knew this. It was an endless buffet of food and sex. Peter
was eager to learn. He touched as much as he was touched. The kisses were hot
and heavy. Blurring into slow motion with every caress heightened a thousand
times. It was a high that was indescribable as he took the boy’s virginity.
Peter panted and moaned, clutching Spike to him.
“Like it don’t you,” Spike asked, driving harder and
harder into the heated flesh. He was losing control and he roared when he
finally came. Peter was still hard.
“Rainbow is waiting for you,” Spike whispered with a
final kiss. He pulled his pants up, fastening them as he walked out of the
tent. With a smile he went to look for Drusilla. It was time to get out of
there.
“Oh, my God,” Peter cried. “What did you do? Oh, god,
Rainbow…wake up, please wake up…Diana, don’t leave me.”
An endless scream followed Spike but he’d gotten what
he wanted; the beautiful boy….
~~~~~~~~
…from his past that he had
wanted the first time he had seen him.
And the beautiful man in his
present that wanted him.
Buffy’s meaning had become
clear to him. The uncanny resemblance between the boy and the man sent a shiver
down his spine. Buffy knew his darkest secrets, his deepest desires and she
knew what he had tried to deny. Dylan was his ‘type’. The ones that attracted
him back in the days when taking what he wanted was only a game. A pastime that
was only fit to amuse him when he was bored.
But those days were gone.
This time the words came
easy.
“You were right, Buffy,”
Spike confessed with a laugh. “There was a time when seducing Dylan would be
what I wanted. He would be a toy that I would use to while away the time. Back
when time didn’t mean anything. It stretched out in front of me like it would
never end.” He hesitated and turned to look into his wife’s eyes. “Those days
are gone though. And yes, I’ve been denying it, tried to hide from it, but you
always know the truth somehow.” He shrugged. “I’m not the one to overanalyze
things. Writing those books is the only time that I’ve really spent time
reliving the past. It’s gone and nothing can change it.”
“And now that…”
“We’ve been through this,”
Spike cut her off then sighed. “All right, yes, I’ll admit to that too. There
are times when I can feel that Dylan wants me. I feel it, smell it but,” Spike
hesitated and looked into his wife’s eyes. “But I don’t want him. He can’t give
me what I need.”
“What’s that?”
“Love…unconditional love,”
Spike whispered, returning his gaze to his clasped hands. “I’ve always been
love’s bitch. Always begging everyone, someone to love me, to accept me as I am
but no one did.”
Neither spoke the name of
the woman that might have. The woman that almost tore them apart, but even
though he had made his choice, it seemed she was still there. With her had
begun the journey down this seemingly unending road they were on.
“You don’t think I can?”
Buffy asked softly but yet there was steel in her tone.
“Can you?” Spike asked as he
stood to gaze down at her. His beautiful Slayer shone in the afternoon sun. She
was an untouchable goddess that had come to him when she had hit the ground and
he had helped her to stand again…to run again. Still after all these years he could
still felt like the dirt beneath her feet and be unable to accept that she
could really love him.
So, many times they had hurt
each other, tried to kill each other, promises made in battle, and in the heat
between them. She had spurred him to make decisions that he never thought he
would, regaining his soul, giving up immortality and their children. Their
baby…his joy…it was all because of her. Because he wanted to find a way to
prove worthy of her heart but she didn’t care about those things. All his mate
wanted was his unconditional love.
Something he seemed unable
to give.
Buffy met him toe to toe.
Her hand cupped his face, caressing him with her thumb.
“The woman I am was forged
by your love,” Buffy said, tears filling her eyes. “It’s like you said last
night. I am your wife, your mate, the mother of your children and always your
woman. I’ve given you your freedom. Let you make your choices…”
“Then why did you send me
away?” Spike cried and something echoed in his mind. Another’s cry… Oh, god, Rainbow…wake up, please wake
up…Diana, don’t leave me. Was this his punishment? Was all his striving for
good not enough? Was he to walk the same road that he had sent countless others
on? No, the Powers had favored him and he pushed the thought aside. “Everything’s
been fine for years. This fighting and shit all started because you decided
that it was better for us if I wasn’t here.”
“I only want you beside me,”
Buffy said simply.
He had been sent away
because Buffy knew something he didn’t. Because she had seen something that she
couldn’t share. Raven knew of it, too. It rocked him to his core as the last of
his blinders fell away. The truth that he wanted to hide from was now so real
it was if it was carved in stone. The longer he had been away from home and the
safe cocoon he’d created, the more he felt the need to finish something.
Something was calling to him. He needed to find it and put an end to this once
and for all.
“I’m sorry,” Spike said,
pulling Buffy against him. “I’m so sorry…I don’t want to go but I know I need
to. It’s the only way.”
“I know, William, I know.”
Spike pulled back so he
could look into her eyes. “I love you, Buffy, only you. I’m going to come back
to you because the only thing I see at the end of this road is you.”
to be continued….
