Chapter 15 – Dream On
The past is gone
It went by like dusk to dawn
Isn’t that the way
Everybody’s got their dues in life to pay
Yeah, I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it’s everybody’s sin
You got to lose to know how to win
Dream yourself a dream come true
Dream on, dream on, dream on
And dream until your dream comes true
Aerosmith
It’s always the smallest
things that bring the greatest joy. That’s why Spike nicknamed his youngest
daughter Joy. She brought him a sense of self that no one else could. There was
no past to contend with, no previous needs that he couldn’t fulfill. He was
everything to her. Her father, her friend, her god and she doted on him like no
one else. It was amazing but he wasn’t threatened by her love for his
grand-sire. He had created this small being, his body, his heart and soul and
she would always belong to him first.
Maybe it was selfish to
think that way but when everything and everyone else came with a price and
compromise it was gave him comfort when nothing else did.
“And they lived happily ever
after,” Spike read softly. He closed the book and laid it on the nightstand.
“No, they didn’t,” Joy said
with a smile. “Mummy says no one does.”
“Why did she say that?”
Spike asked, wondering what conversation had prompted his wife to destroy such
innocent belief in their child. He put one hand down on the bed beside her so
that he was looking down at Journey.
“Because love takes work and
that’s what makes you happy,” Joy said, patiently. “It’s all the stuff you do
to make people happy that makes you happy.”
“Oh,” Spike said. “You mean,
like reading you a bedtime story or when you pick up your toys so Mummy doesn’t
have to.”
“Yep.” Journey nodded her
head vigorously. “Does reading to me make you happy?”
“Very much so,” Spike
whispered, leaning down to kiss her cheek. “And it’s time for you to go to
sleep.”
“Daddy?”
“Yeah, pumpkin?”
“Why do some Mummy’s and
Daddy’s not give toys to their kids?”
“What do you mean?”
“Mummy made me give my old
toys ‘way. She said some little girls and boys don’t have any. Why don’t they
have any?”
“Some parents don’t have a
lot of money so they can’t buy them. They spend the money on making sure they
have a place to live and food to eat.”
“Oh, will you always be able
to buy me toys?”
“I don’t know sweetheart. I
hope so but I promise I’ll always take care of you.”
“Are you going to come home
soon to stay? Mummy is sad and so am I that you’re not here to tuck us in at
night.”
He smiled at the thought of
tucking Buffy in. It gave him all sorts of illicit images that he shouldn’t be
having at the moment. He looked up and saw her standing in the doorway. Her
eyes were a deep shade of jade, letting him know that she was having the same
thoughts as he was.
“I’m going to come home to
stay as soon as I can. Daddy has to take care of a few things but I’m coming
back.”
“Okay. Mummy says I
shouldn’t make you promise, but you’re not going to go away for good are you?
Rona says her Daddy left home and never came back. He didn’t love her mommy
anymore. Rona thinks that he stopped loving her, too.” Joy gazed up at him with
big eyes as she worried her bottom lip waiting for an answer.
Thoughts of Hank Summers
came rushing to him and how his abandonment had affected both Buffy and Dawn as
he stared down into the worried face of his daughter. It tore at him that his
baby would think that he might not love her or her mother anymore. He pushed
her hair away from her face, letting his fingers drift down her cheek as he
swallowed back the emotion that was choking him.
“No baby, I love your mother
very much. And I do promise I’ll always come back to you,” Spike said then held
his hand up while putting the other one on her precious bear. “I vow that I
will come home to you and your mother and the rest of the family.” He smiled.
“Now, see you didn’t make me. I wanted to. And since it was made on teddy, I
have to keep it. Teddy Bears never lie.”
Journey grinned then scrambled
out from under the covers, pushing him aside when he tried to catch her. “I’ve
gotta give you somefin’,” she declared as she made a dash to her vanity in the
corner.
Spike watched as she opened
the sequined purse he had given her for her birthday. She pulled out a small
pouch and returned to him.
“Hold your hands out,
Daddy.”
Spike dutifully cupped his
hands out in front of him and tried to hide a smile at the serious expression
on her small face. She opened the pouch and dumped it into his hand. There were
a few coins, a necklace, a cross, and several beads that had to have once been
another necklace or a bracelet.
“Angels dropped these when
they came to take the people home,” Joy said. Her little voice filled with awe.
“I found them out in back when I was taking walks. Raven says they’re good luck
because of the angels dropping them.”
His heart ached as he stared
down at the small treasures in his hand. He glanced up at Buffy for a moment.
She knew about the lies told to their daughter to protect her. Most likely the
‘treasures’ were dropped by people attacked by vampires or other demons in the
cemetery.
“I want you to carry them
for luck cuz you need to come home to us.”
“I will, Journey, I will,”
Spike said, carefully putting the treasures back in their pouch. “Get back in
bed.”
This time Journey crawled
beneath the covers without any more questions. She hugged her father tight,
kissing his cheek before pulling her teddy bear close. Spike turned the light
off, adjusted the nursery monitor, and stepped outside. Buffy was immediately
in his arms.
“I think that you are the
best father in the whole world and I love you for it,” Buffy said, pressing
kisses to his face and neck. He pulled her close and buried his face in her
shoulder.
“I know you do,” Spike said,
he could see it radiating from her eyes. “Tonight I have no doubts.”
He scooped her up and headed
for the stairs to their bedroom. There would be no games but only love between
them this night.
~~~~~~~~
Dylan knew where she was. He
knew that she was upset by her earlier argument with Max. He knew because he
had shamelessly overheard every word. Division among the ranks and he
suppressed a smile at how easy it was as he stepped onto the back porch. And
Faith was right. If everyone thought that he was pursuing her then there
wouldn’t be any suspicions of his plans for Spike.
His Spike.
She glanced up at him then
quickly away. He slipped his hands in his back pocket.
“Hi, you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Faith said. Her
hand wrapped around the chain on the swing.
“Mind if I sit?” Dylan
asked, cocking his head toward her. She shrugged so he took it as a yes and sat
beside her. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been quiet since we got back this
afternoon.”
The woman shrugged and it
made Dylan want to sigh. He steeled himself. He could do it. Seduction was his
art. It had been since he first used his looks and body to get what he wanted.
Since then he had honed it to perfection even playing the lost little boy to
Spike’s need to protect someone. Research paid off.
“It’s amazing what some
people think,” he said rather nonchalantly.
“What people think what?”
Faith asked.
She shifted in the swing so
that she was facing him. He looked down, acting like he was hesitating as he
picked a thread on his worn jeans.
“Don’t start something if
you’re not going to finish,” Faith said with an edge of annoyance creeping into
her voice. She started to turn again but he stopped her with a hand on her arm.
“Look, I’m sorry,” Dylan
said. He sighed. “I don’t want to step in where I’m not wanted. It’s pretty
clear that something is going on between you and Max.”
“Was going on,” Faith said,
looking down. “He broke up with me not too long ago.”
“Do you love him?” Dylan
asked, slipping his hand onto her shoulder in a comforting manner. “I know it’s
none of my business but…”
She shrugged. “I like him a
lot. He just makes me uncomfortable.”
“Yeah, I understand. I think
you and I are cast from pretty much the same mold. You like the simple things.
I mean, seriously who gives a fuck which fork you use as long as the soddin’
food gets in your mouth,” Dylan paused, watching Faith’s reactions. There was a
trace of a smile on her lips so he continued. “And man, who wants to drink wine
anyway. Beer is just as good.”
“It’s not that bad,” Faith
said. Probably out of loyalty to the man who had her tied up in knots. “I’m
just not…”
“Comfortable in those
scenes,” Dylan said. “And he shouldn’t expect you to change.” He brushed her
hair back, letting his fingers linger over the ends. He lifted his eyes to
hers. Let it look like he was hesitant again then said in a rush, “I think
you’re terrific the way you are.” He quickly looked away.
Faith laughed but her hand
rested on his leg. “Thank you. It’s good to hear that.”
The sound of a car door from
someone in front of the house alerted them that they weren’t alone. Dylan could
hear the footsteps coming along the side of the house. A whiff of cologne and
he knew it was Max returning from the errand he had run.
With no time for finesse, he
cupped the back of Faith’s neck and leaned forward. Apparently she hadn’t been
paying attention to what was going on around them because she just looked at
him in surprise. The first contact of their lips was brief. The second she met
him halfway, letting their mouths linger. He needed a second more as the figure
moved soundlessly around the porch. Dylan wrapped an arm around her, pulling
her closer, and teasing her lips with the tip of his tongue. Footsteps sounded
on the steps and they pulled apart.
Yep, it was Max.
~~~~~~~~
Max stared at the kissing couple
for a second in disbelief. They pulled apart and he watched as Faith wiped her
mouth. His eyes darted to Dylan. The kid was wearing what was supposed to be a
look of shame but he saw it. The smugness in the depths of his eyes and he knew
Dylan was playing Faith. It really didn’t matter though. Faith had let him. The
embarrassment was clear on her face. He didn’t care or at least he tried to
tell himself that. Without saying anything he turned and walked into the house.
The door slammed behind him.
Fury swept past his carefully constructed walls and his training as an agent.
The hurt was beyond almost anything he had ever felt. It shook him down to his very
core. After years of being alone, one woman had bulldozed her way into his
heart, and was now destroying him.
“Can’t stand to lose out?”
Angel asked quietly.
Max looked around to find
the vampire in the corner of the kitchen. Leaning casually against the counter,
drinking what was probably blood. His taunt was the last straw. Propriety and
honor lost the battle that was warring in Max’s heart. He didn’t even care that
Angel might finally lose whatever restraints he had regarding him. All Max
cared about was that everything he believed in was slowly crumbling around him.
And what he thought was the best choices in his life were turning out to be the
worst. Worse than the numbness that service with the Guardians had brought him.
“Am I so bad that you prefer
Faith with that loser?” Max asked. He stepped closer to the vampire. “I mean at
least I would have loved her instead of just wanting what’s between her legs.”
It was all Angel needed. Max
found himself pinned to the wall with the vampire’s hand pressing down on his
throat. He laughed. It didn’t matter. Maybe Angel would break it and all his
misery would be over with. At least he would be with Brianna again.
“Don’t talk about Faith like
that.” Angel growled. He shook his head, letting the vampire slip over his
face.
“So, have the two of you
made plans for when Cordelia dies?” Max asked, feeling the pressure increase.
Not caring he continued, “I mean are you going to at least wait a respectable
mourning period or are you just going to go for it?”
“Give me one reason for not
killing you,” Angel said. “Because you just overstepped the bounds, boy.”
“I have? That’s good, Angel
old man,” Max said with a sneer. “I’m not the one with a dying wife and a
pretty young thing waiting in the wings to take her place. I mean that is why
Faith wouldn’t be with me.”
“What do you mean?”
The grip around his neck loosened.
“I mean that Faith fancies
herself in love with you,” Max said, clearing his throat. “She’s hoping that
she’ll be next in line for your affections. And since you seem to encourage
her, I figured maybe she’s right.”
The look on Angel’s face
told Max everything he needed to know. Angel hadn’t a clue about how Faith felt
or what she wanted. Either that or he had deliberately blinded himself. It
didn’t matter. He didn’t want Faith’s heart. Angel stepped back. His face
slipping back into human guise as the grief covered his features instead. Max
almost felt sorry for him but not enough to stop. The vampire should know
everything.
“Yeah, she was with me to
while away the time,” Max said a little calmer than before. “I guess she’s
moved onto someone else who is a little more willing to just be a toy until
it’s time.” He chuckled. “Because I don’t think that Dylan could care about
anyone else as much as he cares about himself.”
“Leave me alone,” Angel
said.
Max nodded. Now he was
feeling guilty for bursting Angel’s bubble about Faith, for letting his
emotions have the better of him for the second time in one day and for not
being the man he wanted to be. He headed straight out the front door and to his
car. The only thing he wanted at that point was a bottomless glass of scotch.
~~~~~~~~
How had he missed it? Was
Max telling the truth? Did Faith really want him? Was he encouraging her
without meaning to? Did Cordelia know?
Oh, god, he hoped Cordelia
didn’t know or suspect something that was the furthest thing from his heart. He
had been a fool for years. He had wasted so much time running from the love he
had for the woman that was now his wife. And now they had so precious little
time left. He didn’t want anything to mar whatever happiness he could give
Cordelia in the short time they had left.
It had to stop now.
Angel headed for the back
door. He ignored the murmurs of the couple still talking on the swing. The
touches they gave and the arousal coming off of both of them.
“Leave now, Dylan,” Angel
said. “I need to talk to Faith.”
“Angel, what’s wrong?” Faith
asked, jumping up. “Has something happened?”
“I said leave, pup,” Angel
barked. “And get far enough away that I won’t smell or hear you.”
It was a warning. He had
caught the young man skulking around the house, listening in, or getting into
things he shouldn’t have over the last couple of days. He had already decided
he needed to have a serious talk with Spike about it but he wanted to wait
until they got to LA. No reason to upset Buffy or the kids unless he had to.
Dylan looked at Faith and
she nodded. Getting her permission to leave them alone and it almost made Angel
laugh. Even if she said no, Angel would still have his way. The young man
thought he was all powerful but he wasn’t. Not to a centuries old vampire who
had seen and killed dozens of Dylan’s kind over the years.
The situation was too
sensitive though so Angel waited until the back door shut behind Dylan. He
waited until Dylan had moved beyond the kitchen before he looked up at Faith.
She looked worried and a little scared.
“Everyone is all right,”
Angel said, glad for the relief that showed on her face. He didn’t want to hurt
her but he had to. “I was talking to Max about you.”
“God damn it,” Faith said.
“Why was he whining to you?”
“He wasn’t. He was letting
me in on a few things.”
The fear was back. He wanted
to comfort her so he took a step back. So, many times the two of them had
wavered on the line that would take them beyond friendship. Always he had
stopped. Faith was beautiful, courageous, and now that she was on the right
path, a great woman. It hurt him to admit even to himself but she would never
be Cordelia or even Buffy. Not in his heart. Never in his heart and it wouldn’t
be fair to her to always be second best.
“Like what?”
“Faith, I’m probably going
to say this all wrong but,” Angel stopped, sighing as he searched for the
words. “I love Cordelia with everything that I am and have. She took a lost
vampire and made him a champion. She kicked my ass when I needed it, comforted
me when I needed it and has always stood by me. She’s taken my shit, my moods,
my dark side and loved me in spite of them. When she is…,” he swallowed back a
sob. “When she is gone, I am going to grieve for a long time. There is no way that
I could let anyone get close to me. Not even someone who has…”
“Someone who has what?”
Faith spat. “Someone who’s been your friend and only your friend. You’ve got
quite an ego there, Angel.”
It had gone wrong. He knew
it would and he didn’t want to lose the friendship, too. His mind searched for
a way to make this come out all right. And only came up lacking as Faith
continued to tell him how wrong he was. Her words though only proved him right.
~~~~~~~
It was quiet. Almost too
quiet and Cordelia pulled the afghan tight around her body. She hated it when
she was alone. She didn’t want to be alone. Not when death was lingering so
close. It was her only fear. Angel wouldn’t be holding her when she finally
slipped away. She shook her head. Self-pity wasn’t going to do anything and
Angel was doing the best he could. He was beside her more everyday. How did a
vampire become so caring? She smiled because she knew it was love. It had
worked its magic on a self-involved girl with an Academy Award for a goal. She
had no regrets.
Footsteps sounded in the
hallway.
“Hello,” she called.
“Hey,” Dylan said a second
later. He leaned on the door jamb. “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”
It was strange that with
everyone else he seemed to be faking his emotions and concern, but with her
though she could feel the sincerity in his words.
“I’m just being all
maudlin,” Cordelia said. “Come sit with me for a minute.”
“Is there anything I can
do?” Dylan asked as he took a seat on the couch next to her.
“Yeah, there is,” she smiled
at him.
“What’s that?”
“Quit trying so hard.”
Cordelia said, thoughtfully. “You have a chance to be a part of a family here.
A family that will be remembered for centuries because of what they have
accomplished. You could a part of it if you quit trying to tear it apart.”
She watched his reactions
carefully, the emotionless face, the shuttering of the eyes and the slight
twitch in his hand. She had hit a nerve.
“I’m not trying to do that,”
Dylan said, politely. “I’m sorry that you think that I am but all I’m trying to
do is get along with everyone.”
Cordelia chuckled. “You’re
really quite good but I’m not buying. Look, kid, you’re staying in a house with
an empath, a Slayer with prophetic dreams and visions and me who gets visions
directly from the powers that be. Who lately, by the way, have been really
generous in letting me see things concerning my family.
So, I know you hit on Raven last night, you’re hitting on Faith today, and
you’re creating a wedge between Buffy and Spike. Do I have this right?”
“Look, Raven was playing
with me, I was just playing back. She’s a kid, Spike’s kid and I wouldn’t do
anything like that to him. Faith is an adult, she’s free and I like her and I’m
sorry about Max but he couldn’t hold her,” Dylan stopped for a breath. “And as
for Buffy and Spike, their marriage has a lot of problems that have nothing to
do with me. I don’t want to see my friend get hurt and if she’s that insecure
then,” he stopped with a shrug.
“You’re lying,” Cordelia
said. “You’re very good but not quite good enough. I’m the queen of acting the
way you want people to see you. It’s a heavy burden to carry.”
“I’m sorry you’ve gotten the
wrong impression of me. I like you and I was hoping we could be friends,” Dylan
said, standing.
“Sit, Dylan. We are friends.
Friends tell each other the truth,” she stopped until he sat again. “I know the
burdens you carry. I’ve been shown them. And I know that although you’re not
really evil, you are susceptible to its charms. It’s very seductive I know. You
have a shot of a family here but you have to stop this path you’re on. You have
to choose to fight on the side of good.”
~~~~~~~~
The words slammed into him.
Words that had been said to him once before and didn’t mean anything. Life was
what you made it and he wanted the best. He stood up and stared down into eyes
that knew him to well. He couldn’t afford to let her see any more.
Dylan stood again. “Lady, I
do respect you but back off. You don’t know shit about me or my life or what I
want. I don’t know what kind of hallucinations those drugs are giving you but
you’re wrong.”
Without waiting for a reply
he turned and left the room. He felt like he was being suffocated. Everything
was off kilter. Who else knew? Had he blinded himself to being able to play the
game? He needed to get out, away from this house that was beginning to creep
him out. He headed out the back door, interrupting Faith and Angel in a heated
conversation. And he thought why the hell not?
“Faith, I need to get out of
here. You want to go with me?”
She hesitated then reached
for his outstretched hand.
“Yeah, get me out of here.”
“Faith, wait,” Angel called
as they hurried through the backyard. “Don’t do something stupid.”
Victory. Small but it warmed
his heart. The rest would come. Dylan knew he just needed to regroup and soon everything
would be back on track.
~~~~~~~~
Oh, god, how could kissing
make her just want to melt into a big pile of goop? She pressed herself closer
to him, opened her mouth a little more, letting his tongue in deeper. He
groaned in response, turning her so that she was leaning backwards onto the
tomb. Only a little jump and she would be on top. He would follow and…
“Shit, someone is coming,”
Connor whispered, pulling her down.
Raven cursed silently as
they crouched in the shadows. It wasn’t vampires or demons otherwise he
wouldn’t have pulled her down here. It had to be family members or something.
Someone who would tell her father what she was doing. She rolled her eyes. It
was time to stop pretending. She was eighteen and in love.
The voices drew closer. She
opened her eyes wide, staring at Connor, as she recognized them. It was Faith
and Dylan. They were talking about expectations and people who had them. Connor
kept her down until they had passed.
“I’m tired of us always
hiding out,” Raven groused, when he let her stand again. She buttoned her
blouse up. “It’s ridiculous.”
“We’re not hiding out,”
Connor said, slipping his arms around her waist. He pulled her close. “I just
wanted to be able to resume what we were doing.”
“Oh, well then,” Raven said,
going up on her tiptoes to kiss along his jaw. “That I accept.”
“Oh, yeah,” Connor
whispered, lifting her up onto the tomb. She wrapped her legs around him to
keep him against her. He unbuttoned her blouse again, kissing his way down from
her ear to the valley between her breasts. “You are so beautiful.”
Raven arched her back as he
pushed her blouse aside and latched onto her nipple. The stimulation from his
mouth and the scratching from the lace of her bra were sending her into
overdrive. She fell back on her hands, forcing him to follow her up if he
wanted to continue. He didn’t.
“Rave, come on,” Connor
said, pulling her by the hips so that she was closer to him. “If we get up
there then you know we’re going to get into trouble.”
“No, you come on,” Raven
declared pushing him away. “I’m sick of hiding out, pretending we’re still
fourteen or something. I’m eighteen, you’re in your mid-twenties, I want a real
relationship. I’m going to make an appointment with the doctor and get on birth
control.”
“And when your father finds
out?”
“The hell with him. He fell
for Buffy when she was around my age. And she was only seventeen when your
father slept with her.”
“Doesn’t that make us kind
of incestuous?” Connor said with a grin.
“Forget it,” Raven said,
turning to walk away. She was talking about their lives and he was cracking
jokes. “I love you. I have since I was
fifteen and I want to spend my life with you. Apparently you don’t feel the
same.”
“Raven, stop,” Connor said,
running to catch up with her. He grabbed her, pulling her around and against
him. “I love you.” He cupped her face. “You’re the best thing in my life. I
just…yes, I want to make love to you. I want you in my life, forever, but I want
you to be sure.”
“I am. I am.”
It was the same argument.
Connor thought she was too young to make a commitment. Their fathers were
against the relationship but tolerated it because they didn’t have a choice.
Cordelia and Buffy were on their side and it was a big mess. Maybe if they
showed that they were committed instead of trying to please everyone else,
they’d come around.
“Okay, then, go to the
doctor.”
“Really?” Raven screamed.
“Oh, my god, I love you.”
She threw her arms around
him then her legs. He swung them around as she rained kisses on his face. They
had all the time in the world. They were young and happy. There wasn’t a reason
not to hope for the very best that life could offer.
~~~~~~~
“You’re father will fail. He always does. He’s William
and no matter how hard he tries to prove otherwise, he always will be.” The
First whispered. “It’s been so easy, I must say. True to form the vampire is.
The pyramid will crumble so easily with his betrayal.”
The laughter was more terrifying than the words. It
echoed inside his head and shook him all the way down to his toes. Elijah
turned toward the light. He ran as hard as he could but couldn’t escape the
laughter that reverberated in the dark. Evil didn’t die. It never did. And just
because they had pushed it back didn’t mean it wasn’t still there. It lived
within the small boy. Inside his head. Eli screamed.
His breathing was heavy as
he sat up straight in bed. He gulped in oxygen as he looked around his room.
Nothing. No one. It wasn’t here. His mommy wasn’t here. Another sound of
laughter came through the open window. It was on the wind. He jumped from his
bed, took a deep breath then raced to close the window. With hurried hands, Eli
slammed it shut then locked it. He backed slowly away from it. He grabbed his
teddy bear and jumped back into bed. He didn’t care that he was too old to
sleep with stuffed toys. The bear had gone into hell with him and survived. It
was a bond between the two that Eli took very seriously.
Trying to reach a calming place,
he let his walls down, so that he could feel the others in the house. There was
a trace of hurt and anger but mostly love came back to him. It flowed in warm
streams around him from the attic above him and the study below him. It was a
strength and joy that comforted him. He searched out Joy, smiling at the giggle
she gave in her sleep. She was probably dreaming about riding unicorns through
fairy land.
Elijah sighed. Whatever was coming
wasn’t coming tonight. He knew it was on the way but he would keep his faith.
It was one lesson he had learned. Evil had no power in the face of unwavering
belief in good. Sacrifices had to be made, lives lost but evil didn’t win as
long as there was someone still willing to fight for good. And Elijah had
faith, in his family, his parents and the Slayers who had beaten back the First
last year.
Rolling over the little boy
returned to his little boy dreams, confident that at least for now they were
safe.
to be continued…