Chapter 26 – Running Blind
Running blind
I’m running blind
Somebody help me see I’m running blind
Searching for nothing
Wondering if I’ll change
I’m trying everything
But everything still stays the same
I thought if I showed you I could fly
Wouldn’t need anyone by my side
Now I’m running backward
With broken wings I know I’ll die
Godsmack
“Mummy, are we sleeping at
my Angel’s house tonight?”
“Yes,” Buffy replied,
drawing the sudsy washcloth along her daughter’s back.
“I’m staying, too?”
“It’s what I just said,
isn’t it?” Buffy teased.
“Oh,” Joy said, digesting
the fact that she wasn’t going to go back to the Hyperion for the night. But
just as quickly as she accepted that answer, she had another question. “Where
am I going to sleep?”
“With Daddy and me,” Buffy
answered. She cupped her hand, scooping up the bathwater, to rinse the soap off
of Joy. Her daughter had been covered in sand and salt, so it was sensible to
just to go ahead and bathe her before dinner. The others were in the kitchen
setting up dinner. “Put your head back,” Buffy instructed, picking up the hose
to wash Joy’s hair.
“In the middle, Mummy,
between you and Daddy?”
“If you want,” Buffy
absently replied. Another chill had just run down her spine. There was
something wrong. A niggling feeling kept harping at her, but her daughter’s
incessant questions and demands prevented Buffy from being able to decipher it.
She just wished she knew what it was.
“Can my teddy sleep with
me?”
“Yes, pet, teddy can sleep
with us, too.”
Buffy worked the shampoo
into Joy’s hair. This was a task she normally enjoyed. Always a moment of
bonding that was theirs alone. Usually Joy had more toys than water in the tub,
but because they were at Angel’s all she had was the mountain of bubbles from
Buffy’s shower gel.
“I wish Candy was here,” Joy
announced. “She could sleep with us too. I bet she misses me.”
“I bet she does too,” Buffy
said, smiling. She kissed her daughter’s forehead while tipping her head back
to rinse the shampoo out. “But I think we’d be a little crowded if she was in
bed with us.”
“You need a bigger bed,” Joy
decided as if that was an easy solution. She stood so Buffy could get all the
soapsuds off of her. The moment the last bubble had slid off of her to plop
into the water, Joy held her arms out to her mother. “Pick me up, Mummy.”
Buffy swung her out of the
tub, wrapping a huge, fluffy towel around Joy’s wiggling body. Nothing had ever
compared to this in her life. Holding the child she’d created with Spike, left
with her a feeling of completeness. There was no comparison in the love she
held for all of her children. It’s just that Joy let her know that even though
she was made for killing her body could still create life.
Her only pain was that the
pregnancy hadn’t been a time of love and reflection. It was an ugly time of
regret, pain, and the near destruction of her marriage. Spike’s words before
he’d left home about having another baby kept tempting her. He would love to
fill their home with a dozen babies. It was her that held them back. It was
fear of letting go again. Could she?
“Can I wear my new dress?”
Joy asked, interrupting her thoughts.
“Maybe you should save it
for when you go out somewhere.”
“We’re going home in the
morning?”
“Yes, Journey, we are going
home in the morning,” Buffy said, resorting to her daughter’s full name as the
irritation grew. It wasn’t really directed at Joy. There were a thousand
thoughts running through her mind. And through it all the unease was becoming
stronger. Every time she got close to wrapping her mind around it, Joy would
ask another question and she would lose it.
“If I save it then Daddy and
my Angel won’t see it when it’s new.”
Children’s logic, Buffy
thought with a shrug. There wasn’t really any way she could argue with it, because
she was wearing the new khaki shorts and pink pullover she’d bought during her
afternoon shopping spree. She smiled. If nothing else Joy was her daughter.
Buffy had the same reason to wear her new outfit. She wanted Spike to see her
in it. So, she pulled the tags off the yellow sundress with a large pink flower
on the front for Joy to wear.
Joy finished pulling her
underwear up and clapped her hands when her mother held the dress out for her.
“Yay, I get to wear it,” Joy exclaimed, pushing her hands through the arm
holes. She did a pirouette letting the
dress fly out. “Am I pretty, Mummy?”
“Always,” Buffy swore,
grabbing the hair brush off the dresser. “Let me get your hair done so we can
go eat dinner.”
“I’m hungry.”
“Me, too,” Buffy agreed,
working the brush through the mass of black curls that Joy sported. It was
going to be strange introducing her daughters and herself to new people. Each
one had a different hair color making the resemblance between them harder to
discern.
The payoff for being blonde
was going to be worth it though. The smoldering looks Spike had been casting
her way all afternoon told her how happy he was about it. There was a hunger
there that she hadn’t seen in years. It made her wish that their daughter
wasn’t sharing their bed tonight. They’d find a way to find some time alone and
there was that trip with Spike to look forward to. It held even more promise
now. Hours spent naked with her husband. It sounded like the luxury that it
was.
“Are you finished?” Joy
asked with an impatient edge.
“Oh, sorry, baby,” Buffy
said, pulling the brush away. A smile danced across her lips as she realized
that she had been lost in a sexual fantasy about the man she’d spent the last
decade with. But just as quickly as she had returned to reality that feeling was back. “Let’s go eat.”
Joy didn’t wait for her. She
ran for the kitchen, shouting for her Daddy and Angel, as she sped down the
hallway. Buffy tossed the brush on the dresser. It clanked against the frame
holding Raven’s picture. A wave of nausea hit her. She tried to clear her mind
to figure out what was wrong, but the rolling of her stomach was taking
precedence.
Straightening up, Buffy
hurried toward the hallway that led to the kitchen. The sounds of loud
conversations, laughter and the clinking of dinnerware were overflowing into
the rest of the house. It was a homey feel that she hoped would dispel the fog
in her head. She had just stepped into the kitchen when Amanda backed up into
her. They collided. Buffy put her hand up to steady herself when everything
became crystal clear.
The pain filled her heart,
taking her breath away, and she gasped from its intensity. Her head was filled
with a cacophony of noise. The music was loud, warring with the sound of car
horns and an almost cruel laughter. Another wave of the torrential hurt moved
through her, driving Buffy to her knees. She wrapped her arms around herself,
rocking from the dizziness that made it impossible to think. She was falling.
Lost in something she’d never known existed before.
Blessedly she passed out.
~~~~~~~~
Several hours earlier…
“Stop,” Raven said, pushing
Wesley’s hands away from her pants. “Please no, don’t.”
“You wanted this,” Wesley
said, struggling to finish dragging the zipper down. He leaned down and bit the
side of her breast. “Remember always wanting me…”
“Don’t, Wes,” Raven pleaded,
covering his hands with hers. “You’re not like this…I know it…you’re hurting
me.”
In all of her fantasies,
she’d never imagined something this ugly…this wrong. It brought all of her
emotions clattering to a crystal clear stop. This wasn’t love. It was lust. A
part of her wanted to sob, curl up into a ball, and pretend this wasn’t
happening but it was.
Because of her and powers
she had no idea of how to use or control. Much less what they exactly did. The
succubus blood was a family legend that had never been called upon that she
knew of. Damn her and her stupid ideas of revenge.
Wesley grabbed her wrists, pinning
her to the mattress while he loomed over her. “It would seem that if you would
quit struggling then I wouldn’t be hurting you. Now would I?”
“You don’t understand,”
Raven cried. “I put a spell on you.”
“Yes, you did,” Wesley
agreed, “with that sexy young body of yours.” He smiled before dipping down to
grind his mouth against hers.
Clamping her teeth together,
Raven tried to turn her head, but he seemed to follow her. His tongue was
trying to force its way into her mouth while his knee went to separate her
legs. He wasn’t going to stop on his own until it was over with. Until she’d
given him what she’d made him want. She went still, letting him think that he’d
won. She waited for the right moment then used her strength to shove him off of
her. He went flying into the dresser on the other side of the room. His head
made contact with the solid wood with a resounding thud.
“I’m sorry, Wesley, please
I’m sorry,” Raven said. The tears were coming now, in regret and in
embarrassment. She backed up, prepared to run, before he could regroup.
The sound of the front door
opening made her freeze.
“Wes, where are you?” Fred
called. “I left a folder here that I need…”
Raven whimpered and Fred saw
her for the first time. She immediately wore an expression of concern.
“Raven, what’s wrong?”
The older woman rushed to
her side making Raven shrink back. The bad dream was becoming a nightmare of
great proportions. She tried to get around Fred, but the recovery of Wesley
made her stop.
“What the hell is going on
here?” Fred demanded, looking from Wes to Raven. She looked horror stricken as
she immediately thought the worse. “Wes, what did you do?”
In spite of the urge to lay
it all on Wesley and get out of there with her reputation intact, Raven knew
she couldn’t, especially when Wesley was coming at them like a charging bull.
She shoved Fred behind her then swung with a right hook that caught Wesley on
the chin. He staggered back. The second blow was too much and he fell
unconscious to the floor.
“Raven, did he hurt you?”
Fred asked, grabbing her arms while inspecting her face.
“No,” Raven responded,
shaking her head. “It was my fault. I...used my powers on him. I didn’t know it
was going to turn out this way. He was…out of control.”
“You used your powers to
what?” Fred asked, stepping back from Raven. “What did you do to Wesley?”
“I’m part succubus,” Raven
sobbed, hoping for a little understanding.
But she’d gone too far. The
slap rocked her back on her heels. Raven covered her face with her hands. She
deserved it.
“You manipulating, selfish bitch,”
Fred snarled. “You have no idea of what you’ve done to him. Get out of here
before you cause anymore trouble.”
The rest of her world
crumbled around her. Everyone would know and she would face the ridicule, the
reprimands and the disappointment of her parents. Raven ran without direction. The
overwhelming emotions that were tearing her apart gave power to her feet as she
traversed the city streets.
~~~~~~
Spike handed Joy over to
Angel so he could prepare a plate for his daughter. She was chattering like a blue
jay that was greeting the day. He smiled as he heard the sleeping arrangements
for the night, thinking bloody likely that it was going to happen. Not when all
he’d been thinking about for hours was shagging his wife into orgasmic bliss.
He was just spooning potato
salad onto a plate when he heard Buffy’s approach from the hallway. With a grin
of anticipation for the coming hours, he turned around.
“Amanda, watch it,” Molly
hollered as the taller girl backed up into Buffy.
“God, I’m sorry…,” Amanda
started to apologize but was stopped by the sounds Buffy was making.
They sickened Spike. They
were sounds that torture victims made just before they were broken. He dropped
the spoon, hurrying to her side when she fell to her knees. She screamed then
fell backwards. He caught her just before her head hit the tile floor.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” Spike
asked desperately, but received no answer. Buffy was out cold. He picked her
up, carrying her into the living room, ignoring the family that was trailing
behind them. He laid her gently on the couch and sat beside her. The skin
beneath her twisted mask of pain was ashen. She moaned then her eyelids
fluttered.
“Come on, Buffy, wake up,”
Spike pleaded. “Tell me what’s wrong?”
“Is Mummy hurt?” Journey
asked, crying and struggling to get out of Angel’s arm. “Let me down. I want my
Mummy.”
The little girl wiggled her
way of Angel’s arms then darted over to Spike. She threw herself into Spike’s
arms.
“It’s going to be okay,”
Spike whispered, hoping he was right. He kissed her forehead, nuzzling the
sweetness of her before pushing her away. “Stay with Angel so I can take care
of Mummy.”
“Come here, baby girl,”
Angel soothed, taking the child back, but this time he sat on the edge of the
coffee table so she could still be near her parents. Cordelia
came to them, laying her hand on Angel’s shoulder.
“Raven,” Buffy murmured. She
shook her head as if she was trying to clear it. Her eyes opened slowly.
“Buffy, are you all right?”
Spike anxiously asked, brushing her hair back from her face.
“Oh, god, oh god, oh god,”
Buffy lamented, her hand covered her mouth as she tried to sit up. Spike tried
to keep her lying down but she pushed him back. “Spike, it was Raven. I could
feel everything…she’s in trouble.” She threw her arms around her husband’s neck
while sobs racked her body. “Spike, help my baby…she’s so hurt.”
to be continued….
