Chapter 28 – Riverwide
I spent a year in the mouth of a whale
With a flame and a book of signs
You’ll never know how hard I’ve failed
Trying to make up for lost time
Once I believed in things unseen
I was blinded by the dark
Out of the multitude to me
He came and broke my heart
In the morning you wait for the sun
And secretly hope it won’t come
But time washes everyone clean
Sheryl Crow
Buffy jumped from the car
before it even stopped. Her mind was focused on only one thing. Raven. The call
from Faith had confirmed her fear of what was happening to her daughter. The
connection between them seemed to be fading as Raven’s fears lessened. Of
course, there was no way for Buffy to distinguish between her own grief over
what happened or that of Raven’s. All she recognized was the emotions rampaging
through her nervous system and the overwhelming need to be next to Raven.
The double doors of the
Hyperion were barely left hanging on their hinges as Buffy burst through the
door. Her footsteps faltered for only a moment as she took in the sight of the
filled lobby. Every slayer and teacher in the school seemed to be gathered
there. The anguish filled faces turning to see who had entered let her know
that they were there for Raven also. Without questions the girls parted leaving
Buffy a path through them. She only took a second to nod before darting through
them.
Like lightening through
Buffy’s soul, sensations became more pronounced the closer she was to her
family. The seething red of Spike’s anger, the uncontrollable helplessness that
only fed that fury and the black pit of despair that was drowning Raven. It
almost brought Buffy to her knees again, but she fought against it. They needed
her too much to allow for self-pity.
Buffy ran through the clinic
door, nearly running over a pacing Spike. He grabbed her arms to steady her. She
only sank closer to him. Gathering strength and giving comfort to one another
in the sanctuary of his arms.
“Where is she?” Buffy asked.
Her voice muffled because her face was still buried in the crook of her
husband’s neck. It was safe here. His arms locked around her waist, his breath
whisper soft against her skin, and his fingers threading through her hair. For
a moment she allowed her eyes to flutter closed as she inhaled the pure scent
of her mate.
It was an indulgence that
she didn’t linger upon, just as quickly she stepped away. She glanced around
the room to the people gathered there, Angel, Faith, Max, Dylan, and Giles.
Unable to deal with them at the moment she looked up into the tear ravaged eyes
of Spike.
“Through there,” Spike said,
pointing to the door that led to the larger room of the clinic.
Taking a deep breath, Buffy
nodded, and headed in the direction he indicated. The door swung open silently
at the push of her hand. She poked her head around to try and assess the
situation before going in. Kate looked up, motioning her in, from Raven’s
bedside. Buffy choked back a sob as she approached the bed that her daughter
was lying in.
Raven appeared to be
sleeping. She was lying on her back with her eyes closed. The rails were up on
either side of the bed. Buffy shot Kate a questioning look as she reached down
to smooth Raven’s hair back from her face.
“I thought it would be safer
for her. She’s…,” Kate sighed softly, “intoxicated. Over the legal limit and
she also has rohypnol in her system.”
Buffy’s eyes flew open as
she choked out, “The date rape drug?”
Kate nodded.
“How…far?” Buffy asked,
quietly. Spike had only said ‘tried’ without details of what exactly happened.
Raven whimpered, causing
both women to turn their attention to her. Tears were pouring down her young
face. She turned onto her side, curling into a ball as the pain overtook her.
Buffy moving on maternal instinct brought the railing down and crawled in
behind her daughter. She wrapped an arm around Raven in an attempt to bring her
comfort.
“I’m so sorry,” Buffy cooed.
“You’re safe now.”
“I wish I was dead,” Raven
cried. Her voice slurred from the poisons in her body. “Everything is fucked up
and it’s never going to be the way it was.”
“You’re right,” Buffy
replied. Nothing was ever going to be the same for any of them. It was the one
thing she was learning. Life never stood still for anyone. All they could do
was their best and hope it was enough. “It never will be. But it can be
better.”
“How Mummy? Connor doesn’t
want me,” Raven said, taking Buffy’s hand. “Wesley and Fred hate me. I know
Daddy is mad at me. I messed everything up.”
“Raven,” Kate interrupted
them. She sat in a chair next to the bed so she was eye level with the teen.
“You need to calm down. You’ve got a lot of stuff in your system that is only
making things worse. Try to sleep. Your parents will be here in the morning, sort
through everything then.”
Buffy tucked the blanket tighter
around Raven before cuddling into her back. It was a good sign when her
daughter settled into her embrace. Their hands were still locked together. Kate
nodded approvingly as she stood up. The lights were turned off except for a
small one by the front door. The only sound that could be heard was that of
Raven crying which was lessening in intensity as the seconds ticked by. Her
body grew lax against her mother as sleep overcame her again.
Not sure of how long it was
Buffy remained where she was until she was positive that Raven was sound
asleep. Only then did she ease from the bed. Raven didn’t move and Buffy tucked
her in tighter. She motioned for Kate, who was sitting at a small desk, to
follow her. The two women headed out to the waiting area.
The door hadn’t even swung
shut behind them before they were surrounded by concerned family and friends.
Spike was in front with Angel right behind him.
“How is she?” Spike asked,
looking relieved when Buffy smiled and took his hands.
“She’s sleeping,” Buffy
said, glancing around at everyone. “She woke up for a few minutes and talked to
me.” She paused long enough to give a deep sigh. “She’s upset, scared, but
we’ll be able to tell more of where she’s at after she sleeps for awhile.”
Spike nodded, looking over
her shoulder at the door that kept him from his daughter. “Can I just…?”
“Yeah, go ahead,” Kate
agreed. “Just be quiet.”
With that Spike slipped into
the clinic.
“So, physically…she’s okay?”
Rona asked, from her position leaning against the wall in the back of the room.
It was almost too much.
Buffy had to restrain herself from verbally attacking the girl who had been
with Raven. Her own dislike of Rona shouldn’t cause her to put all the blame on
Raven’s friend. Amanda’s words of the young Slayers using fake IDs and the fire
escape to spend time on the town returned to Buffy. It wasn’t one of them. It
was all of them.
“Follow me,” Buffy said,
heading toward the lobby. She gave a glance over her shoulder to make sure that
Rona was following her. They all were.
“What’s up, B?” Faith asked,
coming up beside Buffy.
“They are going to hate me,”
Buffy said, with a shrug. “But I’m going to tell them what I think of their
stunts.”
“Come on,” Faith said,
stopping. “You can’t blame them all for what happened to Raven. She’s the one
who decided…”
“No, it’s not just one,”
Buffy declared, whirling around to face her friend. “It’s all of them. Isn’t it
Rona?” She looked for the girl behind the others.
“Not everyone,” Rona
protested. “And it’s like Faith said. Raven was looking for a wild time. You
can’t blame us all because she went a little crazy.”
“Oh, and you as the good
friend encouraged her,” Buffy spat, closing the distance between them. “Knowing
how upset she was, you went out with her anyway, didn’t call anyone for help.
You drank with her, and she almost ended up raped. Is that what a good friend
does?”
“Look, Mrs. Blood,” Rona snapped. “Maybe if you and your vamp of a husband
took more of an interest in what’s happening to the people around you like your
kids, instead of being so damn selfish, you would have known what was going
down with Raven. But, no, you were all wrapped up in this constant struggle
between you two to even notice.”
“You ever say one bad thing
about my husband again,” Buffy snarled, grabbing Rona up by her jacket. “I’ll
make sure that you are no longer welcome here. Do you understand me?”
“That’s enough, Rona,” Max
ordered, wrapping an arm around Buffy’s waist to pull her back. “This isn’t the
time or place.”
Buffy let go of Rona as
Faith stepped between them. She had issued her warning. And if she had to, she
would stand by it. Buffy had overlooked Rona’s call to stake Spike when he was
being used as a pawn by the First and returned to the killing fields.
Rona was young and new to
slaying, but she never seemed to let go of her dislike for Spike. No matter how
much good he’d done since those days or all the good he’d done before. It
didn’t matter to her. He killed therefore he should be dusted.
“Do whatever you want to,” Rona
shouted, over Faith’s shoulder. “Do you really think they’ll follow you? You’re
a bitch who puts damn vampires first.”
“Rona,” Max warned, even as
Angel put a hand on the girl’s shoulder.
It was too much. This girl
was complaining about everything that had been handed to her. Sure, she had to
train, fight, and had faced the First, but she’d also been well taken care of.
“That’s right,” Buffy
responded with a sardonic chuckle. “I’m the bitch who campaigned for this
school so all of you could be together. And oh, yeah, it’s those vampires who
are paying for it.” Her hands went to her hips. “You’re a sad case, Rona, very
sad.”
Buffy stepped away from Max
as she proceeded toward the lobby. The girls waiting there were crowding the
entrance to the hall. If anyone was missing before, Buffy was sure they were
there now. She didn’t stop until she reached the top of the steps at the
doorway to the hotel. Faith and the others stood behind her. Rona was sulking
at the rear of the room. The girls were all facing her. She let the Slayer in
her take over.
“Apparently some of you
think you’re invulnerable because you’re Slayers,” Buffy started. “You think
that you don’t have to obey the rules because you’re special. Well, you’re
wrong…very wrong.” Her arms crossed over her stomach. She began to pace. “That
arrogance is what will get you killed. You think it’s all in the fight. It’s
not. There is a million ways to bring someone down.” She stopped to look out
over them again. “Your emotions will destroy you. They will take the best
Slayer and bring her to her knees. I know that. Faith knows that. And now Raven
knows that. Maybe I was wrong by not being open enough. By not letting you know
everything we’ve gone through. We were arrogant to think it would make us
appear weak as your leaders.”
She stopped to take a deep
breath as she looked out over the young women. Some met her eyes with
compassion or need and some were filled with pride. Those were the ones that
scared her.
“There are going to be
changes around here. Whether you believe me or not, I care about you…”
She couldn’t go on. She’d
failed Raven. She failed them all…again. Sobs racked through Buffy’s body as
guilt filled her. Rona had been right. She’d turned her back on her girls for
her own selfish reasons. And that reason was there, nearly flying across the
room to get to her, to wrap her up in his arms. She let him hold her. Once she
had jeopardized everyone’s life to save him. To protect him even when he had
shown her the bodies of those he killed. She sacrificed the group’s safety for
him.
Because he was all she
needed.
Accepting that truth only
made her cry harder.
to be continued…
