Chapter 3 -
I only want to say,
If there is a way,
Take this cup away from me,
For I don’t want to taste its poison.
Feel it burn me
I have changed.
I’m not as sure, as when we started.
Then, I was inspired.
Now, I’m sad and tired.
Listen, surely I’ve exceeded expectations
Could you ask as much from any other man?
Raven leaned against the
window frame and stared down at her parents saying good-bye. She hated lying to
them but if it was one thing she learned when fighting the First was how to make
the tough decisions. Not confiding what she knew was one of the hardest things
she had ever done but there was too much riding on their future to take a
chance. She sighed as she watched her parents kiss. There was such desperation
and love in that one gesture between them and it made her ache for what the
future was going to bring to them.
“Is Daddy gone?” Elijah
asked. His voice was filled with sleepy innocence. Somehow in those first moments
of the day he could maintain the illusion that he was the same as any other boy
his age.
“He’s leaving now,” Raven
said, turning to look at her brother still in his bed. Her words were
punctuated by the sound of the motorcycle roaring out of the driveway.
“Will he come back?”
“Yes, Eli,” Raven said. “You
have to believe.”
“I try to, Raven,” Elijah
whispered.
Raven knew in the momentary
silence that followed her brother was trying to find his faith in their parents
again. She sighed and let her fingertips trace a make believe snowflake on the
window. There was nothing to do but wait. Elijah would speak again once he
formed his next question. She had been his confidante for too long not to
understand the patterns that made up the boundaries of his existence. The
boundaries that kept the small boy still sane in the aftermath of the horrors
he had been witness to in his short life.
“Mommy said…”
“That wasn’t Mommy,” Raven
protested vehemently as she turned from the window to face Elijah. “Don’t ever
call that monster Mommy.”
The Slayer saw the pain that
her words caused as they found their mark. She shook her head but refused to
comfort the small boy huddled in his bed. Although, they had been over this countless
times, Elijah, who had seen his Mummy taken over by a vampire, still couldn’t
grasp what the First had done to him. The ancient evil had manifested itself as
their natural mother to Elijah in hopes of separating him from his family. The
child’s incredible abilities were too much of a temptation to be ignored by the
evil. Thankfully, Elijah had smelt the malevolence of its being and had run
away. But to him, it was his Mommy and she had only been possessed by something
evil. Just like Buffy had been with Drusilla.
“It said that he would leave
us for good,” Elijah said. “This time it would be stronger than him.”
“Do you remember the rest of
what was written on the wall?” Raven asked, softening as she reminded him what
the First had shown him carved on the gate into hell. The fear in his eyes was
too much and she moved to sit on the bed next to him. “What the prophecy said?”
Elijah nodded.
“This is the third
temptation. The last one Daddy has to face. The First was grasping at straws,”
Raven said, her hand caressing her brother’s arm. “Mummy and Daddy’s love is
too strong. They will pass through this like they did before.”
“I want Daddy home,” Journey
said, from the door. Despite the irritation at being interrupted, the sight of
her sister dressed in her fuzzy yellow blanket sleeper made Raven grin. Journey,
clutching her pink teddy bear, stared sleepily at her siblings. The toy had
been a present from their father on her third birthday and she never went to
bed without it. Raven opened her arms, hugging Journey tight against her when
her sister flew into her arms.
“He’ll be back,” Raven
assured her. “Get in bed with Elijah until we get breakfast ready.”
“No, I want, Mummy.” Journey
demanded, struggling to free herself from Raven’s embrace.
“Shush, Joy,” Elijah said,
running his small hand along his sister’s back. “Come sleep with me.”
Journey’s lower lip trembled
as she looked back and forth from one sibling to the other. Finally she climbed
from her sister’s arms to crawl in beside Elijah. Raven tucked the blanket
around them both.
“Where Daddy go?” Journey
asked, before sticking her thumb in her mouth.
“He’s in LA,” Raven
explained. “Where Angel is.”
“My Angel,” Journey giggled,
pulling her thumb out of her mouth only long enough to make a claim to the
vampire. Since the first day she had been placed in Angel’s arms, Journey had
been infatuated. Although she was a Daddy’s girl, it never failed that when she
was sick or unhappy it was their Father’s Grandsire she wanted.
“Yeah, your Angel is going
to think you’re ugly with buck teeth if you keep sucking your thumb,” Raven
said.
“Bulltit,” Journey said,
giggling more and ducking under the cover.
Raven laughed and tickled
the tiny mound under the covers. Journey’s laughter shrieked out around them
making even the usually solemn Elijah laugh. It was these moments that the
teenager lived for; moments when the evil that hummed around their family
seemed to be completely banished by their love.
“Mummy will tan your hide
for saying that,” Raven warned, then turned and shook a finger at Elijah. “And
your hide for teaching it to her.”
“It wasn’t me,” Elijah
protested. “It was Aidan.”
“Yeah, yeah, I don’t believe
you,” Raven smiled. “Is Giles still coming today to tutor you?”
Elijah nodded. Somehow he
was already forgetting that other boys go to school. Buffy and Spike had tried
to keep Eli in mainstream school but it was impossible. Although
“Well, maybe we can go out
after he comes over,” Raven told them. “Go down to the beach for the afternoon
or something.” After receiving enthusiastic agreements from them, Raven said
she was heading downstairs to see how their mother was doing.
“She needs to cry,” Elijah
said, patting Raven’s hand.
~~~~~~~~
Elijah was right.
Buffy was busy whisking
together an egg mixture for French toast when Raven walked into the kitchen.
The unspoken tension was pulsating in the air, dancing between the women who were
preparing the family’s meal.
“Raven, why don’t you set the
table,” Buffy said, looking up at her with the look that had been dubbed her
‘general stare’ by the Potentials.
“Why don’t you talk to us?”
Raven asked, but her feet dutifully took her to the cabinets. As she gathered
the dishes—mindful that they needed one less setting-- she watched her mother take
the mixture to where
“There is nothing to talk
about,” Buffy finally said. It was a lie. She went to the refrigerator, pulling
out oranges, before straightening up to look back at Raven. It was there in her
eyes. How painful it had been to send her husband away again. The fear that
this time there would be something or someone he wanted more than her. “Oh,
God, what have I done?”
It was the same cry she had
made when she had sent Spike to Donna. Her face crumpled under the weight of
her guilt and pain. Raven rushed across the room to envelope her mother in a
hug.
“Mummy, it’ll be all right.
You knew what you had to do and you did it, just like you always have.”
“I’m tired, Raven, so
tired,” Buffy cried, burying her face in the crook of Raven’s neck. “All I want
is to love him and be here for you all. How much more do we have to give up
until we’re left alone?”
“I don’t know, Mum,” Raven
lied. “I don’t know. He won’t let us down. He hasn’t yet has he?”
Buffy shook her head and
pulled away. Her hands wiped at her face brushing the tears away. “No, he
hasn’t.” She sighed. “I miss him already. He’s supposed to be here. Making fun
of me trying to help cook, to help get Eli and Journey ready for the day,” She
stopped and laughed as Candy looked up at her, “Yeah, and to get the damn dog
out of here before he makes a snack out of it.”
Raven and Delores laughed.
It was what they came to expect out of Spike. It was part of the morning ritual
and starting that day there was a gaping hole in their lives.
~~~~~~~
The building was
nondescript. So, nondescript in fact, that Spike passed by it the first time.
He had met Jake, worked with Jake but had never been to the building where Matrix Returns was housed. It was a
flat, brown, ugly thing with bars over the windows. Nothing attractive at all
to passersby to make them want to venture in or curious enough to find out what
was going on inside. And that was exactly how Jake Monahan wanted it to be. He
had also chosen to establish his business in a part of
Spike made a mental note to
make sure that Buffy never came to meet him here. Slayer skills be damned. She
was his wife and he didn’t want her amidst all this ugliness. He parked the
motorcycle near the door, grabbed his bags off the back and turned on the
security device. The Heritage Softail Classic Harley Davidson in vivid black
had been an anniversary present from Buffy the year before. He had fallen in
love with it instantly and he would be beyond pissed if something happened to
it.
The door opened and he
stepped into an amorphous reception area. He sighed at the plainness of it and
wondered how much time he would actually have to spend here. It was repulsive
and held nothing of the comforts of home. After a quick glance at his watch, he
knew that Buffy and them were probably sitting around the kitchen table eating
breakfast. He wasn’t too much of a man that he couldn’t admit that he was already
homesick.
“Hey, who’s there?” A voice
called out from the back. “Whoever you are, come on back, don’t have a
receptionist.”
“It’s Spike,” he called out
as he headed through the door for the office area. He found himself in a big open
area with four desks along the walls. There was a door on the left hand side
and another hallway toward the back. It was as dismal as the rest of the place.
Fading posters on the wall and over one desk was a nude Miss January gracing a
calendar. Too bad it was March.
“Hi there,” Jake called
walking out of the office on the left. “Welcome. Put your stuff down over
there.” He waved toward an empty desk on Spike’s right, waiting till the
backpack and overnight bag were put down. “Let me introduce you to everyone.”
He put his arm on Spike’s back pulling him deeper into the office. “This is
Bob, been with me since the beginning. If you need help with the underbelly
life in LA he’s the one to ask.”
“Hey,” Spike said, nodding
his head in greeting. Bob was around fifty with long gray hair and beard. His arms
reminded Spike of tree trunks they were so thick and corded with muscles.
Nothing was small about the man wearing a bike week t-shirt and faded jeans.
“Now over here,” Jake
directed him in the other direction. “This is Ted. His specialty is guns and
sweet talking the ladies.”
“Hi there,” Spike said,
taking the proffered hand that was thrust his way. Ted seemed to be more of an
amiable guy with a craggy but handsome face that was only accentuated by the
crisp white dress shirt he wore.
“Hey, glad you’re joining
us,” Ted said, smiling. “We could use the help.”
“No problem,” Spike said,
feeling a little better about being in LA.
“And now,” Jake said. “It’s
time for you to meet your partner. Dylan’s a good guy bit of an ass though.
Still young and needs to get it beaten out of him probably.” He turned toward the hallway and yelled,
“Hey, Dylan, get out here.”
Spike leaned back against
Ted’s desk and crossed his arms. He hoped the outer veneer of arrogance covered
for the nervous thrumming inside him. This wasn’t the time to show any
weakness.
“What? I’m supposed to move
it because you’re fancy, spoiled rich boy has arrived,” a voice echoed down the
hall. “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. I need a real partner, not some
old man that will be running for his wife’s arms by the end of his first week.”
Spike could feel the anger
building in him at the insults that were about him. He stood to face whoever
was behind the voice that kept getting closer. Finally someone stepped out of
the dim recesses of the hall. Spike looked up and swallowed. Standing in the
doorway was the one of the most beautiful men he had ever seen.
to be continued…
