Chapter 35 – Who Wouldn’t Wanna Be Me
‘Cause I’m ridin’ with
my baby
And it’s a brand new
day
We’re on the wheels of
an angel
Flyin’ away
And the sun is shinin’
This road keeps
windin’
Through the prettiest
country
And I got the one I
love beside me
My troubles behind me
I’m alive and I’m free
Who wouldn’t wanna be me?
Keith Urban
Max glanced over at Faith, who was fidgeting again, seemingly unable to get comfortable in the passenger seat of his new phantom gray Toyota Camry. But he didn’t need to ask to know it had nothing to do with the comfort of his car. She didn’t want to be doing this with him. It was too intimate of a situation for them to be in and she was afraid that he would get ideas again. He sighed, reaching over to turn the music down.
“I know you don’t want to do this,” Max said, clearing his throat. He kept his eyes on the road. There was no way he wanted to see the guilt and relief that would be so easy to read on her face. “I only agreed because Buffy and Spike specifically asked us to watch over Sunnydale while they were gone.”
“And their house and kids,” Faith scoffed. “I figured out the plan already. You and me, the cute kids and the house. Give us a chance to see what it might be like…if…”
“I know,” Max said. “You don’t have to finish it. Don’t worry; I won’t try to make you see the light. I know that you and your little buddy have it all wrapped up in the fun department.”
“Don’t Max,” Faith warned. “You’re going to push it too far one of these days.”
He shrugged. “Sorry, Faith.”
“It’s okay,” she said, turning to him with a smile which he returned.
Friends. They were friends and some how he needed to wrap his mind around that concept. So, how would friends act? If it was Buffy beside him they’d be chatting about everything from her shoes to the kids to Spike. They’d found that comfortable middle ground, so he should be able to do the same with Faith. Except his crush on Buffy had never progressed to the point where his heart had taken a severe beating.
“So, how did Dylan handle your taking off with me?” Max said, curiosity prompting the question. He winced after he said it though. It wasn’t exactly idle conversation.
“If I said he was pissed off and jealous would it make you feel better?”
“No,” Max replied, after a moment of thinking it over. “I wouldn’t want you to have to deal with that.”
“Are you ever like…I don’t know…just a guy?” Faith asked, turning in her seat to look at him. “You’re always so…prissy.”
“I am not prissy.”
“Yes, you are,” Faith insisted with a giggle. “You have this fuddy-duddy routine, your clothes match all the time, and you’re just too nice.”
“A few minutes ago you said I was too pushy.”
“Then you immediately apologized.”
“My mother taught me to be a gentleman,” Max retorted. And his training and lifestyle had taught him to be very precise and careful. It was something that would always be with him. It could cost him not only his life but the life of someone else if he let go even for a moment.
Faith laughed before reaching over to turn the radio back up. She patted him on the leg lightly then her hand retreated to her own thigh. Her grin was infectious and he found himself laughing, too. One thing about being around this woman was that he never knew what to expect from one moment to the next.
“So,” Max said a moment later. He got her patented ‘here we go again’ looks when he turned the radio down. “Seriously…do I really come off as that…prissy?” He hated the word. He just couldn’t think of another one at the moment. “You’re a woman so what do I need to do to get women to notice me?”
“You thinking about asking someone out?” Faith asked.
He shrugged because he hadn’t really thought about actively searching for anyone. Life had been lonely. His close friends were all paired off. Maybe it was time he did start looking. He wanted Faith but she kept turning him down. It seemed to be a good time to try to get over her. To look for someone else that would be a better match for him.
“Why not?” Max said. “You’re the one who keeps saying I spend too much time alone and am turning into a grouchy old man.”
“So, I do,” Faith said. Suddenly she leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Don’t change a thing, Maxim, you’re perfect the way you are. Any woman would be lucky to have you.”
She returned to staring out the window leaving him flummoxed by her words. He could hear the pain in their inflection and in her eyes that were blinking back tears. He couldn’t say anything in answer. Anything that would come out of his mouth would make it worse. Instead he retreated, pulling out every piece of detail he’d memorized since Faith had first returned. Somewhere there had to be a clue as to why she continually rejected him when she gave off so many signals that were the opposite of her words. He wouldn’t rest until he knew the answer.
~~~~~~~~~
The sporting goods store was actually a few miles away from Matrix. Everyone had loaded their gear into the van that Jake would drive. The others climbed onto their bikes before heading over as a group. Ted had organized them once they got there. He sent Buffy and Spike to the dressing rooms, and then sent the guys to the different departments to get what she would need. He said it would save time this way. They wanted to get to their destination well before dark.
“Spike?” Buffy called. Her voice muted by the door between them. “Are you there?”
“Where else would I be, pet?” He smiled because he could just imagine her rolling her eyes at him. “You ready to try clothes on.”
“Yeah, you alone?”
“At the moment,” Spike answered.
The door to the dressing room opened a crack so that Buffy could peek out. Once she was satisfied she stepped back so that he could see her. She was wearing only panties and bra. He licked his lips as he gazed at her. They weren’t just the usual everyday comfort underwear she usually wore. These were the ones for him, and well for her. The red ruffle hipster panties were so cute on her that he was tempted to join her in the dressing room. While he debated, Buffy turned just a slight bit so that her bottom was jutted toward him.
“Do you see something you like?” She asked while trailing her finger slowly along her hip.
“Buffy, you’re going to get us both in trouble,” he warned, glancing out to see if the guys were coming yet. They weren’t. He looked back to see her bending over.
“Oh, I think you’re the one who got us into trouble,” Buffy pouted, straightening up then turning to sit on the small bench. She allowed her legs to fall open, so that he could see exactly what she was offering. “All those wonderful toys are just going to…oh, my god, Spike,” she stood up with panic in her eyes. “Bob, he took my duffle bag. You don’t think he went through it, do you?” Her hand covered her face as all thoughts of teasing him vanished.
They had decided to leave Buffy’s original bag at the office since she wouldn’t need her frillier things for the job. She’d taken a few things out to put in Spike’s bag then after zipping it up, Spike had handed it off to Bob to lock up in the weapon’s room.
“What are you worried about? Even if he did, I’m sure he’s seen women’s clothing before,” Spike laughed, and shook his head.
“You don’t understand,” Buffy hissed. “Not only is Mr. Buzzy the seventh in there, but so are all the…well, the…other stuff is in there. It’s not something I want him to see.”
Spike couldn’t help but to break out in laughter. “I’m sure he didn’t go snooping.”
“Ooh, you want him to know, don’t you? You’re such a pig.”
“Hey, I’m not the one who made the big speech about fucking a vampire,” Spike was still laughing.
“Yeah, well you enjoyed that,” Buffy replied in a huff. She sat on the bench again, crossing her arms and legs in a way that told exactly the way she felt. “Stroked your ego, didn’t it?”
“Bloody hell, Luv, don’t want to get into a tussle about this,” Spike said, leaning on the door jamb. “I’d much rather have spent the weekend alone with you and your little bag of goodies.” He rubbed his chest to let her know that he meant what he said. What he got was a sandal aimed at his head. He ducked, letting it hit the wall on the other side of the hallway. “Now, calm down, pet.”
“Did you go and piss her off again?” Bob asked, heading into the dressing area with some jeans over his arms. He smiled when Spike closed the door so he wouldn’t see Buffy. “Man, you gotta learn how to treat a lady.”
“Thank you, Bob,” Buffy called out making Spike roll his eyes. “He needs to learn to appreciate me more.”
“Look, this store doesn’t sell any jeans so I had to go next door,” Bob explained, handing over a few pairs. “Try them on and the ones you don’t like I’ll take back,” he called through the door. “And Miss Buffy, don’t let this jackass of a husband of yours give you any shit.”
“I won’t,” Buffy called back. She giggled. “If he does I’ll just kick his ass.”
“Thanks mate,” Spike said, ignoring her with a shrug. It was
just playing after all. He waited until his co-worker had disappeared into the
store again to hand Buffy the jeans. “They don’t look like the fancy stuff you
wear,” he remarked as she looked them over.
”They’ll do fine,” Buffy said, sliding a pair over her hips. “Just as long as
they fit.”
She started moving around, squatting and bending over while staring in the mirror the whole time.
“Like the show, pet,” Spike said, watching her.
“I have to see if they’re comfortable or not,” Buffy said. She
pulled that pair off then hurriedly tried the others on. “Nothing like good old
“I’m bringing shirts down,” Ted called, with his hand over his eyes. “A couple of sweatshirts, t-shirts and some thermal undershirts. It’s cold up there.”
“Thanks,” Spike replied, taking them from him, and then helping him turn around without Ted having to move his hand. Once he had bounced himself down the hallway, Spike knocked on the door.
Buffy reached out and took those. She shook them out, looked them over then slid a sweatshirt on. “They’ll work. Now for socks and shoes.”
“Dylan’s got that duty,” Ted called back. “I’ll go see what’s keeping him.”
“I’m here, I’m here,” Dylan said, pushing past the other men. He handed over a pair of hiking boots to Spike along with a package of heavy socks. “Don’t need to worry. I got the best brand they carry.” He added as Spike looked them over. “Don’t need a man down in the field. Oops, sorry, woman.” He shrugged. “Besides I had to impress.” He waved a piece of paper. “Got the salesman’s number.”
“Whore,” Buffy muttered under her breath. It took everything Spike had to pretend he didn’t hear it. He knew Dylan would never call the guy. It was just an attempt to show Spike that he didn’t care about the show Buffy had made earlir. Dylan did though and he wished Buffy wouldn’t be so heartless. Spike waited until Dylan headed back toward the other guys before opening the door. He slid into the room with his wife.
“You should be nicer, pet,” Spike said, dropping the shoes on the floor. He slipped his arms around her waist and kissed the tip of her nose. “He’s just a mixed up kid.”
“A mixed up kid who wants you,” Buffy said, her hands splayed across his chest. “I just don’t trust the guy.”
“It’s me you don’t trust,” Spike said. “Is it?” He hugged her tight. Not even caring that she didn’t say anything to refute his statement. He’d earned her distrust. Soon it would be over with though. Once he was home with her and Dylan was just part of the past it wouldn’t matter anymore.
“I love you, Spike,” Buffy whispered, rising on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck. “I do trust you.” She took his chin in her hand to make him look at her when he wouldn’t meet her eyes. “I do, okay? You haven’t given me a reason to doubt you in a very long time.”
He wanted to believe her. He decided that everything was going too good between them to doubt her words. So, he kissed her until she was smiling again. “Come on, we need to get going.”
They sorted through the clothes, taking the ones she wanted and headed out. It didn’t take long for them to pay for things, pack them in a new duffel bag, and leave. Everyone loaded up again, Buffy climbing onto the back of the motorcycle behind him.
“Remember,” She whispered, before he started the engine. Her hands slid along his hips, down his thighs and back again.
Yeah, he remembered. How could he ever forget? The days when it all started between them. Suddenly he let everything go but the feel of the bike beneath him and his girl wrapped behind him. They were together. The way he always wanted them to be. He was the happiest man on earth.
~~~~~~~~~
No matter how much he cared about the rest of the family, Angel was grateful that the house was quiet except for Cordy and himself. He’d given her nurse the night off so they could have some time alone. Unlike most couples there wasn’t a romantic candlelit dinner for two, or even passionate lovemaking. Instead they were wrapped up in blankets on the verandah just watching the ocean roll in under the waning sun.
If he closed his eyes he could believe for just a little while that everything would be all right. That this woman in his arms wasn’t going to leave him alone soon. A fragile hand was tucked inside his so much larger one. Her breath fanned over his chest in erratic whispers. He kissed her forehead, then moved his cheek over her hair, letting it tickle him.
“What did Gunn want earlier?” Cordelia asked.
“Not much,” Angel replied, hating that he couldn’t tell her the truth. “Just some questions about a client of the law firm.”
“I wish we’d never accepted the deal.”
“Why? We’ve done some real good,” Angel said. “Yeah, we’ve made some compromises, but overall I think we’ve done more good than bad.”
“Do you think so?” Cordelia asked, turning to look at him. “We used to take out the bad guys, not help keep them in business.”
Angel sighed, and pulled her a little closer. This way he didn’t have to see the condemnation in her eyes. She knew the night club that Raven had been attacked in hadn’t been closed down. He’d braced himself for an argument from her, but she only looked disappointed in him. It hurt. There wasn’t much time left for them and he didn’t want any regrets for her. He wanted to explain everything to her. His plan for when she was gone of how he would sacrifice himself to bring that law firm down. A blaze of glory for the righteous in her name.
“I hated having to compromise,” Angel said. “I didn’t have a choice.”
“There’s always a choice,” Cordelia said, squeezing his hand. “Sometimes it’s just hard to see which one is the right answer.”
“That’s what you’re here for,” Angel whispered. “You’re my light, remember?”
She didn’t say anything, but he felt her tears against his skin. He gathered her closer and watched the day slip away into the night.
to be continued…
