Chapter 51 – Epiphany
I am nothing more than a little boy inside
That cries out for attention
Yet I always try to hide
‘Cause I talk to you like children
Though I don’t know how I feel
But I know I’ll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed
Staind
Sometimes her parents just
really pissed her off, and there was nothing she could do about it. Raven fiddled with the car window, rolling it
down a bit then back up. She wanted to
be back in
“It’s not going to help
anything to be all pissed off,” Connor commented. He was smiling and it irritated her. The last couple of weeks had been intense,
and she’d forgotten what it was like just to hang out. It would have been fun to stay and giggle,
eat junk food and talk about boys.
“Well, it’s not going to change
anything to be mature about it, is it?”
“Whatever, Raven, you just
keep flipping back and forth. I thought
you were over that.”
“Why? If I’m all grown up then I wouldn’t care about
having a little fun?”
“I didn’t say that,” Connor
replied, reaching for her hand. “I
really am sorry that your night was interrupted. I wasn’t mad that you were ditching me for
the girls. I just don’t want you to lose
sight of what’s important.”
“How could I with you and my
parents shoving it down my throat,” Raven groused. She squeezed his hand as she realized she
wasn’t being fair with him. He had
responded well and hadn’t been mad when she’d told him the change of
plans. If Buffy hadn’t called and
ordered her to Sunnydale then everything would have been fine. She glanced over at her companion. “Sorry, Con.
I know I’m being a brat.”
“An adorable brat.”
She smiled at him. “Thanks.
I’ll try not to yearn for things I can’t have.”
It was still there
though. It had been her choice, but she
wondered what it would be like to be able to take off like
Dawn had, go to college and just have fun.
Raven scooted over and put her head on Connor’s shoulder, fantasizing
about a different life for them the rest of the way home.
~~~~~~~~
It was just one of those nights. Max was tired. He’d spent his day pouring over ideas with
Giles and Kate, trying to figure out the best way to proceed with the
school. His television was on some crime
show that didn’t really interest him.
The burrito he’d nuked earlier was cold and congealing on the plate resting
in his lap. His second beer was almost
gone, and he wished he could just be numb.
The nights were getting
harder to get through. They were filled with dreams of a sexy brunette slayer who
wouldn’t give him the time of day, but made his nights an exercise in frustration. He scratched his taut belly as he shifted the
plate to the cushion next to him. Then
he stretched, his back arching against the cushion and his arms rising to the
ceiling as he tried to work out some of the kinks.
The doorbell rang startling
him. He muted the TV, and headed for the
front door. He double-checked, ensuring his
gun was right there on the table, and he contemplated putting on a shirt but
decided against it. It was night, he was
home, and he hoped it was someone he could get rid of quickly. Max glanced in the peephole and was startled
to see Buffy standing there. A million
thoughts of trouble filled his mind as he yanked the door open.
“Buffy, what’s wrong?” He asked, taking in the tear streaks down her
cheeks, and the red swollen eyes.
“Spike? The kids?”
“Spike,” Buffy mumbled,
gesturing toward the door. “May I come
in?”
“Is he hurt?” Max asked, stepping aside to let her in. He closed the door behind her, waiting with
arms folded across his chest. “Buffy,
what happened?” he prodded when she didn’t say anything. All she was doing was wandering around his
apartment. There was a smile when she
saw the burrito, then she moved to glance out the window before she finally
stopped by the breakfast bar. Fresh
tears were falling, and suddenly he knew.
“God damn it.”
“Did you know?” Buffy asked, turning to look at him. “Did you know that he’s involved with Dylan?”
“He’s not,” Max
protested. Defending his friend was
innate, but he wondered now if it was ignorance. He rubbed his face. “Oh, god, Buffy, he can’t be. He adores you.”
“He promised that he would
be with me tonight,” Buffy said, sinking onto a barstool. “He promised that we would be starting all
over, that it was only going to be us, and that he didn’t want Dylan at all.” She sobbed, holding her arms out to him. He didn’t think. He went to her, wrapping his arms around her,
and rubbing her back while she buried her face against his chest. He could feel her tears as they made their
way down his belly. “He called, said he
wasn’t going to be home after all. Dylan
is having some sort of problem and he has to help him through it. He said, please understand, Buffy, I need to
be a friend.” Her nails dug into his
back just as her tears slipped beneath the waistband of his jeans. “What about me? I’m his fucking wife, and I need him too.”
“I know, Buffy, I know,” Max
whispered. One hand went to tangle in
her hair while the other continued to rub her back. She shifted so that he was standing between
her spread legs, and he felt his body respond to hers. He tried to back up, but she only held on,
and he gave up. She needed to be
comforted. “He’s a good man. We both know it, and he cares about
Dylan. Maybe more than we would like,
but I honestly don’t think he’s gone off to sleep with him. There probably is a problem, and he’s just
trying to help. It’s just Spike.”
“Bullshit,” Buffy said,
lifting her face to look at him. “Spike
is selfish in a lot of ways. It’s about
what he wants, and when he wants it.
Don’t take me wrong. I love
him. I still do.” She wiped the back of her
hand across her nose. “Don’t you
remember when we first met? What he
wanted most was for us to live in that house, and fight evil and fuck without
ever getting married or having kids. I
know he loves me, but he didn’t want to be tied down. It was only because of his stupid crush on
Donna that we took Raven and Eli in, and got married.” Her hand settled on his waist, low enough
that a mere fraction of a move of her fingers would have them on his hips. “It was my idea to get pregnant. Not his and now Dylan is here, offering the
things I can’t. Freedom, and fun, and
power, and I can’t compete against that.”
Max cupped her face,
grateful for the chance to look into her eyes, and try to forget that the
warmth of her flesh was against his. He
wiped her tears away with his thumbs.
“Spike is scared of losing everything.
A woman never loved him when he was human, and it frightens him that you
do love him. He doesn’t understand how
someone like you can love him so much.” He glanced over her head as he tried to
find a way to explain it to her. “If he
lets himself believe that you can love the man in him, then he is as vulnerable
to you as he was to Cecily. She
destroyed his humanity and you could do the same.”
Buffy ran her hands to his
belly then upwards to his chest. “He’s
already destroyed that love. He’s free
now.” Her thumbs stroked his nipples, sending
a charge of sexual awareness through his cock, and he was getting hard. The urge to kiss her was strong, but this was
his friend’s wife. It wouldn’t be right
on so many levels, but it’s what he always wanted. Max leaned his forehead against hers, where
he can feel her soft breathe caressing his face.
“Buffy, why did you come
here?” He asked, even when her fingers
were encircling the back of his neck.
“Because I need you.”
Her lips were almost
touching his, and he wanted to say the hell with being right, and kiss her
while he carried her to his bedroom.
Loneliness was for the birds, and they were both alone in so many ways. Rejected by the ones they truly wanted. Was it really so wrong to find comfort with one
another? They were friends, too. Never in all the time they’d known each other,
had they’d gotten so close to fulfilling the attraction they’d always
carried. Realizing that they may be
better suited for each other than the mates they’d chosen, he wanted to give in
to this moment.
“Think carefully,” Max
whispered. “If we do this, then I’m
taking it all the way. I’m going to make
love to you tonight, let myself fall in love with you, and I’ll never let you
go.”
Buffy pulled back, studying
his face, but she didn’t take her hands away.
She smiled, and whispered, “Max…”
~~~~~~
Spike stared out over the
cheap motel’s parking lot, smoking while he listened to Buffy’s voice mail
again. She wouldn’t answer the phone,
and Faith had said that she’d left the house.
He knew she was hurt, and angry.
He would be too if he were in her shoes.
Yet, he knew that for whatever reason, he needed to be here. Sighing, he ground his cigarette out in the
plastic plant on the corner of the balcony.
A hundred other butts littered the base of it, and he wondered why they
just didn’t supply ashtrays.
The room was dark as he slid
the glass door shut behind him. Dylan was
lying on the bed, curled on his side where Spike had left him. The scratchy blanket pulled over his naked
body. Dylan had showered after they’d
gotten there, then he came out nude, silently offering his body to the
vampire. Spike had refused. Instead, he’d gone to the little convenience
store on the corner, and bought them some beer.
Just a couple to take the edge off both their nerves. Dylan hadn’t moved, hadn’t drunk the beer, he
just lay there watching Spike with soulful eyes full of need.
Spike sat on the edge of the
bed, reaching over to tuck Dylan’s hair behind his ear like
he had a thousand times to Buffy. The
thought hurt, but he pushed it aside.
“You feeling any better?”
“No,” Dylan said, grabbing
Spike’s hand and holding on with a strong grasp. “Come here, and hold me. You know you want to.”
“If I wouldn’t lose
everything else in my life, maybe I would,” Spike responded with a smile. “You’re a beautiful person, Dylan, inside and
out, but I love Buffy. You know that so
why do you keep trying to tempt me?”
“Because she doesn’t love
you,” Dylan spat, flopping onto his back.
“You’re an idiot for holding onto her when I could give you everything
you want.” He sat up in the bed, and
even in the darkness, Spike could see the lines of his body, and the blanket
dipped lower showing the curve of Dylan’s cock.
Spike forced himself to look
away. He closed his eyes, imagining the
house that he and Buffy built together, the sound of her laughter, the feel of
her body, and images of his children, desperately trying to ignore his body’s
response to the other man. He stood to
look out over the parking lot again. Not
this time. No, he wouldn’t be
tempted. His love was waiting for him,
and the moment he could get out of here, he would. The only reason he came was because he was
frightened that Dylan would kill himself if he faced another rejection.
All he wanted was to be home
with his family. This life wasn’t him anymore, and William demanded the chance to be the man
he could have been. It’s his demon, the
whoring bastard taught under Angelus’s tutelage that wants to crawl into that bed,
and make Dylan his in every possible way.
“Do you know why she wants
another baby?” Dylan asked, interrupting
him. He was standing too close, right behind him, and Spike felt his hand coming to
rest on his back.
Please, please make this go away…I don’t want to
know…I don’t want my eyes to be opened…not this time
“Why?” Spike asked, remembering Drusilla, and the
kidnapping of his precious Journey. He
can’t imagine life without his little girl.
He hated himself for asking, but the demon was panting for a chance to
take what he wanted. All he needed was a
good excuse to defeat the weakness of William.
He laughed. “Go ahead, and tell me.
Make it believable,” he added sarcastically.
“It was when we were at that
cabin,” Dylan said, slipping his arms around Spike’s waist. “She told me that she could give you the one
thing I can’t…children. That’s the only
reason. Man, she turned you down about a
baby before, and sent you away. Now that
her perfect little life is on the line, she wants that baby. Everything she does is a desperate move to
keep you on the hook. Look, at your past
together. She’s used your attraction to
her to ply you with pity to hook you, guilt to keep you, and now she’s offering
you another baby. She needs someone to
take care of her, and you’re the handiest sap.”
Spike hated that Dylan may
be right. They were all thoughts that had
crossed his mind over the years, but then he forced himself to think of the
good times. The love between them, the
gentleness of Buffy’s touch, the way she smoothed his brow when he’s tired, the
smile she shows every morning, but he knows the dark side of their
relationship, too. Her fear of being alone
and he wonders who she’s with now. It
makes his gut turn with disgust because he knows. Dylan kissed his shoulder, his hand sliding
lower on his belly, and Spike forced his partner away.
“Even if you’re right,
doesn’t mean I’m ready to jump into bed with you,” Spike stated softly. “Get dressed.
I’m starving.”
When he turned around Dylan was
wearing a shit-eating grin, because he’d won.
He thought that in the end, Spike will belong to him, and Spike wondered
if he’s right.
~~~~~~~
Angel knew Buffy was in
Max’s apartment even before he knocked on the door. It sickened him as he smelt her sweet perfume
in the hallway, and as he waited for Max to answer the door he could smell
their arousals. It only made the job he
came to do easier. He smiled. It would be over in only a few more hours.
“Angel, hey,” Max said, as
he opened the door. He looked guiltily
over his shoulder where Angel could see Buffy sitting on the couch. They both looked disheveled, and Angel
wondered if this was the first time or if this was an ongoing affair.
“Hello,” Angel said. “May I come in?”
Buffy didn’t move, just
stared up at him with a touch of fear in her eyes. He knew what she was going through, and felt
sorry for her in many ways. Spike wasn’t
an easy man to love, and it was his fault.
Yet, she’d chosen to stick by Spike through all the other times, and he
wondered what had happened to make her finally choose to go to Max. His eyes flickered over both of them.
“Angel…,” Buffy started to
say. She stood up, smoothing down her
hair, and pulling her blouse down. A
blush stole across her face, and he realized this was the first time; she was
too open, and still too innocent to play this game.
“Buffy, I’m not going to
judge you, but I will tell you that Spike will kill you both when he finds
out.”
“He won’t care,” she
declared, her chin lifting in defiance.
“He has someone else to consider.”
Max turned to stand beside
her, pulling her into an embrace as he returned Angel’s stare. It almost made the vampire smile. At least they weren’t in this for a quick
fuck, and maybe, just maybe Buffy was right.
Spike was becoming more confused by the day by that brat Dylan. He had hoped his childe wouldn’t be so stupid
as to fall for it, but maybe he had.
Unfortunately, his plans were going to interfere in this burgeoning love
affair.
“Actually, I’m not here to
rebuke you,” Angel said. “I need Max’s
help. There’s some stuff at Wolfram
& Hart that I need you to do for me.
Can you meet me there in about an hour?”
“What kind of stuff?” Max asked, raising his eyebrows.
It was out of the norm for
Angel to ask him for anything, and Angel smoothed his face into a pleasant
smile.
“I need to get some stuff to
Giles to help with the prophecy,” Angel replied. “They won’t be as suspicious if you take
paperwork out then if I did it. So, will
you?”
He waited as he saw the
questions ran through Max’s head and the looks between the couple, before Max
shrugged his shoulders. “Sure, I can be
there.”
“Great,” Angel said, with a
nod. “Meet me out front. Okay?”
“Yeah, sure,” Max said.
Angel nodded one last time at
them. He pushed aside the twinge of
guilt as he looked in Buffy’s eyes. It
was better, and Max didn’t have any right to take advantage of her sorrow. Spike wouldn’t care once he knew, and would
probably applaud him. Angel waited until
he was outside of Max’s building before he pulled out his cell phone. Gunn answered on the second ring.
“Me here,” Angel said. He looked up at Max’s apartment window. “The lamb is ready and willing for the
sacrifice.”
To be continued…
