Chapter 53 – Only
Time
Who can say where the
road goes
Where the day flows,
And who can say if
your love grows
As your heart chose,
Only time
Enya
The cool night wind whipped around Raven’s lithe body, making her shiver, and she wondered how it still blew when everything else around her was frozen. She stared down at her hands, shaking under the impact of the choice she needed to make. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to accept, she was frightened of all the other things that she might lose. It was selfish. More than selfish. But yet once again she would be the outsider, no longer just another young slayer, but something above the others.
“Raven, do what your heart tells you.” Titania’s smile was gentle, but firm.
With a last longing glance at Connor, Raven pushed back the red locks hanging in her face, and nodded. “Yes, I accept.”
It was done.
“What the fuck?” Connor asked, stumbling forward as he was released from the spell. Instinct guided him to his girl’s side, weapon drawn as he moved between Raven and the being he didn’t understand was a friend.
“Put your weapon down.” Raven placed her hand on his arm, and then her other on his back. “She is Titania. Queen of the Fairies, and she’s made me an offer.”
“What kind of offer?”
“Raven has consented for me to bring out her latent fairy appearance, and skills.” Titania stepped forward, brushing ethereal fingertips along Raven’s cheeks. “It will make her almost unbeatable on the battlefield.”
“What’s the drawback?”
Raven grinned. Connor always needed to know every side to a situation, good and bad. It was great in a way, because she hadn’t thought to ask what the drawbacks were to becoming full fairy.
“Will we still,” Raven waved her hand between Connor and herself, and then blushed. “I mean…”
“Yes, you will still be mated. Maybe one day even be able to produce offspring.” Titania grew serious. Her gaze drifted between them with a parental concern. “Yes, there will be difficulties. Especially in the beginning.” She waved a hand to cut off their curious questions. “Raven will need to learn to adjust to her new appearance, how to fly with the wings, and one day she will even be able to morph between a human guise and her fairy one. This will take time. There are people in Lankasha that can teach you.”
“So, I have to leave home?” Raven felt the tears well up in her eyes, unbidden she sought Connor’s hand. Leaving home was something she hadn’t thought about, and it tore through her with an unexpected heartache.
“Yes, if you want to properly learn to use your new gifts.”
“Connor?” A thousand questions were wrapped up in the one call of his name. Raven turned frightened, young eyes to her boyfriend. Despite her claims of being grown up and not needing her family, she wasn’t and she did. Despite the difficult beginning, especially with Buffy, she loved her parents fiercely. Their daily guidance was a necessity, just as was Connor’s. “Will you come with me?”
“You know I will.” Connor reassured her with a squeeze to her hand. “Nothing is going to come between us at this point.”
“Then let’s go.” Raven wanted to add before she changed her mind. It was a difficult decision, but she knew that if something would make her a more powerful warrior then she wanted it. Her surety was as strong as when she first chose to become a Slayer. Only the First and growing pains had made her doubt. “Oh, will it hurt?”
“No, Raven,” Titania replied, with a smile. “Please step away, Connor.”
Connor turned Raven to face him, slipping his arms around her before kissing her with all the reverence of his deep devotion to her. “I’ll be here when it’s done.”
Ravens watched him back away then hunker down to watch her transformation. She smiled at him one more time, so he would know she wasn’t afraid. “Okay, I’m ready.” Her eyes met Titania’s with a curt nod.
Titania waved a hand over Raven while chanting words that drifted away on the breeze. Warmth enveloped Raven’s entire body, filling her from the inside until it danced around her in a brilliant, shimmering light, and forming a cloud that surrounded her. Raven felt her feet leave the ground until she was hovering above the two on the ground. Her eyes closed, arms outstretched she felt a shock enter through the top of her head, and out through her toes until she was a sparkling star in the dark. Raven could feel her body stretch from the changes she was undergoing, she felt stronger, lighter, and she could hear the rustling of the wings as they unfurled behind her. She smiled with the splendor of it.
This was who she was meant to be.
~~~~~~
There wasn’t any need to think about it. Angel trusted Cordelia explicitly. If she was certain this was what he needed to do, then he would do it. However, he knew once he verbally announced his choice, she would be gone. Only a cold shell would be waiting for him at home. That broke his heart, and with tears streaming down his cheeks, he held his hand out to touch her one more time. She clasped it in hers, holding it against her face for a long moment before she kissed the palm.
“Angel, you need to make a choice.”
“I don’t want to let you go.”
“I can’t stay. It’s time for us both to move on.”
“I know.” He choked back a sob. “Yes, I will give up this foolish quest of mine, and trust that you know what is right.”
“I wouldn’t lead my boy astray.” She hesitated for a moment. “Oh, what the hell.” Her eyes filled with love, and then she made a dash toward Angel, and into his arms. Their lips met with the desperateness of their situation. He poured all of his love in this last chance to show her how much she meant to him. When they could no longer maintain the contact, she stepped back, holding onto his hands. “I love you, Angel.” Cordelia turned to Max. “Take care of him for me.”
“No problem.” He clanked the chains holding him down. “That is if I get out of here alive.”
“I have to do that, don’t I?” Angel asked with a chuckle.
“Yes,” Cordy smiled. “Angel, you’ll have a two minute head start, take Max and don’t look back.” She dropped his hands. “I’ll always look at for you.”
“I know.” Angel nodded, watching as she slowly faded away until there was nothing left but the residue of her presence. There was a rumble beneath his feet again, and he knew he had to move. He snatched the keys away from one of the servants, and undid Max’s restraints.
Max rolled off the stone tablet, hitting the floor with wobbly feet that made him stagger backwards. He caught himself with his hand before righting himself, except Angel was already there. He put an arm around the human, helping to hold him upright as they moved toward the only exit. Somehow the way was cleared for them, creatures magically parting to allow them to get out the door.
The heavy wood slammed shut behind them as the ground shook, rumbling like a freight train in the middle of the night, leaving the two males weaving as they stumbled up the winding staircase. They both froze as they heard the collapsing of the room beneath them. A few screams followed, along with pounding, and then as they ran down the corridor only silence was left. It seemed the Powers that Be had finished what Angel had started. The Black Thorn was buried beneath tons of earth and rock.
When they burst out into the night air, Angel murmured one name, “Gunn.” And his heart broke again.
~~~~~
Buffy stared at the glittering diamond of her engagement ring, while running her finger along the platinum wedding band. How could she balance what Justin was asking her to do? Could she allow Spike to be who he was, even if it ultimately meant letting him go, so the world would be saved?
No matter how she would try to twist the request, there really wasn’t any other choice but to give up on the one thing she wanted the most in the world. Not with the lives of her children at stake. The pain rocketed through her very soul as she ripped her rings from her finger, and shakily held them out to Justin.
“Take them,” she whispered. “I’ll do what you ask, but I pray that if we choose to stay together that we won’t be punished for it.”
“You won’t,” Justin said. He covered her hands with his own. “You need to focus on the most important things and let the things that are out of your control, like another’s persons actions, go.”
Buffy nodded, pulling away. “Please keep them safe.” She sighed, rubbing her forehead with her fingers. She could feel a flash of fear from Elijah rippling through her very soul. He and Journey must be terrified with the earthquake. Neither of their parents were with them. Urgency brought her head up so that she could ask, “Am I free to go? My babies need me.”
“They’re at the Hyperion,” Justin explained. “Faith was needed elsewhere.”
There wasn’t time to ask what Faith’s situation was even though concern for her sister slayer was rampant. She couldn’t control everything that was happening. Her priority needed to be getting to where her children were and the younger slayers to check on their safety. She only took a step, when Justin stopped her from leaving.
“Allow me,” he said, with a wave of his hand.
The church swirled around in a rapid blaze of dark and light. Buffy held her hands and spread her feet apart so that could maintain her balance. It only took a moment for the scenery to clear, and she found herself in front of the Hyperion. She looked heavenward. “Thanks Justin, and well, you too, you know.” Then she ran for the front door, swinging them open and barreling into the lobby.
“Mummy, Mummy,” Joy’s voice was louder than the chattering of the slayers, even though Buffy couldn’t see her through the throng. “You came.”
Then the young women parted to allow the little girl to get to her mother’s side. Buffy crouched, opening her arms as her youngest came into view. Journey didn’t stop until she had wrapped arms and legs around her Mum’s body And right behind her was Elijah, his face showing all the insecurity that any little boy would have in his situation. Buffy pulled them both close, murmuring words of comfort and love.
“I’m here, I love you, it’s all right, and everything is going to be just fine.”
“Where’s Daddy?” Elijah asked. His arms were tight around Buffy’s neck with his face pressed into her neck. “Is he all right?”
“Yes he is, but I need to call him, Eli, to find out what’s going on. I will, I promise, okay?”
Her son didn’t answer verbally, just nodded. Buffy kissed his shoulder, and then looked at her daughter. “You okay, princess?”
“Yes, Benjamin and Elijah kept me between them. I was all right.”
“Good,” Buffy looked up to see Giles’s young son standing on the fringe with his parents behind him. He looked as confused as her children did. She gestured with one hand for him to come closer. There was room for him, and he wiggled between Joy and Eli. She kissed his cheek. “You okay, Benny? Is your Mom and Dad okay?”
“Yes, we’re all fine. I’m glad you came back. Joy was really scared.”
“I know she was,” Buffy sagely agreed. “I was a bit scared myself.”
“You were?”
All three children’s eyes grew wide when she admitted her fear, and when she nodded, they all seemed to relax a little. Giving them each one more kiss, she released them so she could speak to Giles. They scampered off, seeming to be reassured that their lives would continue as before. Maybe even a little better for a while until the next crisis arrived demanding attention.
“Everyone come through all right?”
“Yes, yes.” Giles looked out over the girl’s still gathered around the lobby. He nodded. “No one here was hurt in any way.” He chuckled. “I think they were a bit disappointed that they weren’t included in this apocalypse.”
“Lucky for them. Hear from anyone else.”
“Actually, Max just called. He and Angel are fine. Had a bit of an adventure I’m sure they’ll share later, but Buffy…it’s….”
Buffy closed her eyes while nodding. She already knew that Cordelia was gone. In the last few weeks while she barely clung to life, her protective life force hovered around them. Now, it was gone. She wrapped her arms around herself in a useless effort to feel less alone. “Spike…Dylan?”
“We haven’t heard from either of them…neither has Angel or Max. But I’m sure that…”
“Spike is still alive…our blood has mixed,” Buffy stated, looking at her former Watcher. “I’d know if he was gone.”
“Of course,” Giles said. He waved his hand in the air next to him. “I keep forgetting that,” he cleared his throat. “That you’re…”
“Mated to a vampire,” Buffy laughed. “It’s okay. We still haven’t explored all the connections ourselves. Maybe one day.” She shrugged as if she didn’t care, but was praying they would have those opportunities still. “And Faith?”
“No, we haven’t heard from her either. We’ve tried to call but no response.”
“Call
“Buffy, have you heard from Raven?” Kate moved so she was beside her husband with one arm draped around his waist. “Rupert believes she was one of those on trial tonight.”
“Shit,” Buffy muttered as she reached for her cell phone. There had been so much turmoil happening she hadn’t wanted to open herself to check on everyone. The stronger feelings like Cordelia broke through her psychic walls, but now she was getting ready to drop everything if she couldn’t reach Raven and Connor. She hurriedly pressed the speed dial for Raven’s phone, Connor answered on the second ring. “Are you two all right?” Buffy asked without preamble.
“We’re fine,” Connor replied, but Buffy could almost see a smile twisting his handsome face. “Actually, more than fine, but you need to come home tonight.”
“Raven? What choice did she have to make?”
“It’s good. She’s the
most amazing…beautiful woman I have ever seen.
But she needs her mom.”
”I’m on my way.”
~~~~~~~
All he’d ever dreamed about was a life full of love. Now, he was being asked to give up before he’d ever know what it was like. A sob escaped from Dylan as he covered his face with his hands. “Why was I even born? I don’t understand it.”
“Why did you let the bitterness consume you? When you were free, why didn’t you make changing for the better your goal? You can only blame your past for so much and then you have to decide who you are going to be.”
“I fucking survived,” Dylan snarled. He looked heavenward. “How dare they ask me to give up my life? “ He pointed at Spike. “Everything I want is right there, and it’s mine tonight. I can feel it.”
“No, it’s not Dylan.” Marguerite cupped his face in her hands, stroking his cheeks with her thumbs. “If you don’t choose to die for him, then he will be the one to die tonight. It all depends on the love you hold in your heart, and if it’s enough.”
“I do love him.” Dylan cried it to whoever would listen as he realized it for the first time. Spike was the only one is his life who never took what he offered so freely. The only one he ever knew who stood by his word to remain true to their spouse. And the only who gave a damn about him, and held him with only the intent to comfort. In this realization, he also recognized that he wasn’t in love with Spike. It was more of a son for his father, and he’d had no other way to express it except in the giving of his body. “I love him. I hope he knows it.”
“He knows.”
“I’m scared.”
“It will be all right.” Marguerite hugged him tight, rocking him as she reassured him that it would be over quickly. They were only interested in the strength of his soul, not in making him suffer.
“Yes, I’ll die for him.”
~~~~~~~
“All I ever wanted was to be a good man. A man who was loved.”
“You are very much loved, Buffy, your children, your friends and family. You are a man who is truly blessed.”
Spike knew it was true. He just wondered if after the decades of being evil if he deserved to have all that he’d been given. It didn’t seem that he’d suffered enough after he’d gotten his soul back, well unless you counted how Buffy tortured him while she tried to live a normal life. He couldn’t blame her for it. Not then, and not now. Somehow, they’d never learned to pull together instead of make the other jump through hoops to prove their devotion. He sighed, and shook his head.
“No, I don’t want Dylan…I only want my family. Oh, and a little peace would be bloody nice, too.”
Faith laughed. “That’s up to you in the end. Follow your heart, Spike, listen to it.”
“Why do I have a feeling it’s not going to be as easy as it looks?”
“It never is,” Faith said. “Do me a favor?”
“Name it, and it’s yours.”
“Tell Max I would have stayed with him if I had a choice.”
Then she was gone. Just like that he was back in the thick of the fight, and a gunshot was ringing out. Spike whirled around to see Dylan hitting the ground.
“No,” Spike screamed, vamping out as he ran to the younger man. The other men took off running, but Spike didn’t care. Everything in him was concentrated on Dylan. He fell to his knees, and pulled Dylan into his arms. “Dylan, oh god, hold on…okay?”
Dylan was shaking while blood poured through the wound in his abdomen. It was pouring over the two of them, the hot, copper scent teased at the demon in Spike. This time there was no temptation as Spike slammed the beast back into his corner. He rocked the boy in his arms, murmuring words of encouragement.
“Won’t work,” Dylan stammered. He stared straight into Spike’s eyes with his soul wide open. “My choice to die tonight. I love you…sorry.”
Spike was alone. He threw his head back, howling his pain and frustration. It wasn’t fair. He should have had the chance to help Dylan make a life for himself. So, many lost moments that could have made a difference, but they were gone. Just like Dylan.
“I’m sorry,” Spike cried. And in the distance, he could hear the wail of the sirens arriving too late.
to be continued…
