Chapter 9 – I Will Take Care of You
When the daylight disappears
When you’re haunted, I’ll be near
When the shadows come to call
When you’re too scared to stand tall
I can stand tall
Dream and let your dreams go
It’s your turn to fly
Long as I’m standing by
You can close your eyes
I will take care of you
The
Bangles
The confusion hadn’t
dissipated. It had only grown in intensity as things had returned to the
normality of what he expected. Spike and the crew had been back in
Spike stood ankle deep in
the surf enjoying the feel of the icy water as it washed over his feet. He
considered a swim but swimming alone in the middle of the night didn’t hold any
appeal. It would only remind him of the time that Angelus had made him swim for
his undead life. He sighed and threw his head back, breathing deep of the salty
air before returning to the house.
There was a light on in the
kitchen and knew he had been offered his opportunity on a platter. After
washing and drying his feet, he padded over the cool tile to where he knew he
might receive some answers. Spike stopped in the doorway, observing his
grand-Sire pouring a glass of blood.
“Hey,” Angel said. “Want
some?”
“No thanks,” Spike said.
“Is…is she better?”
Cordelia had been in almost
intolerable pain earlier and had to be coaxed into upping her dosage of
morphine. She wasn’t ready to die yet and although she was building a tolerance
to the drug, she also knew it was how many patients died. A few drops too many
added in the IV would lead to the release from more than just the pain.
“She’s sleeping,” Angel
replied, wearily as he replaced the decanter in the refrigerator. “Come in and
keep me company.”
A shiver ran down Spike’s
back. It sounded like Angelus. The one he really sought advice from. His foot
hovered over the invisible line between rooms knowing that if he went in that
he would be crossing more barriers than he might be ready for. He had to know
though and as he stepped into the room, he felt like he was stepping into his
past.
Angel had taken a seat at
the table as Spike wandered around the room. Unsure of how to ask without
revealing too much but it probably wouldn’t matter in the end. His Sire would
know the truth behind his questions. Vulnerability to Angelus was never
tolerated and he still tried to keep that façade with Angel. There was no one
else that could explain though, no one else to teach him, just as it had been
after he was turned.
“Did you…how did you…feel
toward your children?” Spike asked, knowing he sounded like the confused
William who had sought answers on why the family was the way it was. “Did you
love us?”
“There was a time when I
would have said that I was incapable of it,” Angel said. “No soul, no
capability of love but now…I know it is possible.” He laughed. “Why do you want
to know? Planning on turning someone?”
Spike shook his head because
speech was difficult. “I…Do you miss it…us?”
“No,” Angel said, turning to
catch Spike’s eyes. “What’s going on with you, Spike? Did you run into someone
that has you all turned inside out?” He paused. “Did you have a childe that you
never told me about?”
“No, Drusilla would never
have tolerated it,” Spike said. He went to stand at the breakfast bar, his
fingers drifting over the magazines stacked there. “Is it the same love that
you have for a mate?”
Spike heard Angel putting
the glass down and could feel the tension rising in the room.
“Is this about Drusilla?”
“No, it’s about…me,” Spike
said, so softly that it was barely audible.
“Do you want to know if I
was in love with you?”
“Not that…I know the answer
but the other…all the other things…how is it different?”
Angel sighed loudly. “Why
are you bringing this up now? Does it really matter?”
“To me it does,” Spike said,
turning away. “I need to know.”
He could hear Angel stand,
the chair scraping of the chair legs across the floor, and he could almost see
his Sire’s hands going into his pocket. It was like he was the fledging Childe
again waiting to be punished, to be brought to task or brought to bed.
“You were special to me,”
Angel said. Spike shivered as the tone and inflection became pure Angelus. “You
were like a present given to me by Drusilla. I had a male playmate, someone who
would share the games with me like the women wouldn’t. And someone new to share
my bed…”
“The times you raped me,”
Spike bit out, then dreading his words as he listened to his master walk up
behind him. He had left himself vulnerable but he couldn’t move. Angel’s hand
slipped beneath Spike’s shirt to rest on his back. His fingers kneading that
spot that Spike had forgotten that anyone but Buffy knew about. The sensation sent
messages straight to his cock that this was pleasure.
“It wasn’t always rape,
William,” Angel whispered in his ear before kissing his cheek. “There were
times when you came crawling to me, begging for my touch.”
Spike closed his eyes,
hating his weakness. It was the call of the blood, of the demon, of family. If
Angel wanted him here and now, he would succumb, he would have to. His Sire
would accept no disobedience and if Spike allowed it, he would bring great
pleasure, too.
“Yes, I did,” Spike said,
turning his head so that he could look into the eyes that used to hold so much
power over him. “But did you love me?”
Hands cupped his cheek.
“Yes, I loved you, wanted you, protected you and I was your father, but always
your better and always the one to be obeyed. It is the way of the Sire, Childe
relationship. You had no voice in the relationship except what I gave you. No
matter how much you tried to fight it.” A thumb caressed Spike’s cheek before
drifting over his lips. “Is this about Dylan?”
Spike nodded as his eyes
closed because he was too afraid of the truth.
“You are still a demon no
matter how domesticated your life might become,” Angel said, hands moving to
Spike’s shoulders. “It is like now. We remember, we want but we have become too
humanized to answer the call. Your demon is seeking a companion, more and less
than a mate, a childe to teach and share with. It is as it has always been for
our kind. But remember, Spike, the man in you has always been stronger than the
demon. Trust yourself. You won’t go too far.”
“Thank you,” Spike said,
stepping back. “I’m going to go and call Buffy.”
Angel only nodded as Spike
headed for the doorway. He was about to step into the living room when Angel’s
voice made him hesitate.
“Yes, William, sometimes I
miss those days…and you.”
It was all his heart needed
to hear. Spike nodded and walked away almost hearing an audible closing of the
door to his past. It was a place that he knew he would never visit with Angel
again. Sometimes you only get one shot to understand.
~~~~~~~~
Buffy winced as the
Navigator bounced through another large rut in the dirt road. She made a mental
note to have it checked out before Spike came home for a visit. Her decision
wasn’t based on fear of him being angry with her but to protect him from
worrying about something else. She nibbled on her lower lip as she looked for
the gated entrance where she was supposed to meet her husband. His call, late
the evening before, had worried her.
There was something more
than just needing to see her that was bothering him. She just couldn’t tell if
he was hurting, feeling guilty about something or both. Her first instinct had
been to immediately go to
The sun glinted off of
something and Buffy squinted to make sure it was the motorcycle. It was. She
smiled as she caught her first glimpse of her husband in what seemed forever.
His head was bowed as he leaned against the cycle. Dangling in his fingers was
a cigarette.
Don’t nag, just love him, Buffy thought as she pulled in behind him.
Buffy watched as he opened
the gate and motioned her through. She waited while he locked up again and
climbed on his motorcycle. Down the path was a lake where there was once going
to be vacation homes but the plan had never panned out. The property was still
held onto by Aurelius Enterprises. She followed him down to the clearing that
overlooked the water.
They were as isolated as two
people could be and Buffy grinned as she watched Spike stride toward the truck.
He was opening the door before she could even take the keys out. She turned
toward him as he reached for her. His hands were sliding along her thighs,
underneath the small denim skirt she wore and she pushed up on her heels so
that he could cup her bottom.
“Ready for me, woman?” Spike
growled when he found that she hadn’t worn panties.
“Yes,” Buffy whispered,
reveling in the need she felt in his touch. She wrapped her legs around his
waist as he propped her against the side of the Navigator. “I’ve missed you so
much.”
Her words were drowned out
by his mouth descending on hers. She sighed, thankful that they were so attuned
to each other. Their kiss held no hesitation or questions, only the raw hunger
they had for each other.
“Do you want to talk or
something?” Spike said, pulling back. “I didn’t…”
“Don’t care…only want you
now,” Buffy cut him off. She didn’t need polite conversation. She needed him
and her hands delved between them to the button on his jeans. Spike only smiled
for a second before kissing her. It didn’t take her long to free his cock,
quivering when she held it in her hands again. It was hers to pleasure and be
given pleasure by. She led him to her ready entrance. Her body wet even before
she left home. The humming inside of her at seeing her mate again was making
her drip in want of him.
“I love you,” Spike
whispered, as he thrust into her in one stroke.
“Love you, too,” Buffy
muttered. She wrapped her hands around the luggage rack to help take some of
her weight off of him. She wanted him to only have to concentrate on moving in
and out of her.
He buried his face in her
neck as his hips moved at an almost violent pace. The vehicle was rocking under
the force but Buffy only urged him for more. To her there was nothing better
than the feel of him inside her. It didn’t matter if it was her cunt, her mouth
or evn her ass just as long they were connected. His cock piling into her, stroking her, bringing
them closer and finally giving her his life force was what kept her alive.
Sometimes in the darker games she knew it was the part of her that was Dru that
was giving him the pleasure but it was always her body. It was his to do with
as he wished but he had never abused her acquiesce.
“You feel so good,” Spike
said, as he licked along her neck, “such sweet hotness…have you been touching
yourself and thinking of me?”
“Only you,” Buffy answered,
tangling her fingers in his hair and pulling his head back. “Want to watch your
face when you come.” She squeezed him with every inward thrust, loving the face
he made and the trembles of his body. “Come for me, I’ve been so empty without
you.”
Her words were the final
caress to take him over the edge. His fingers tightened on her bottom as he
pulled her closer and buried himself as deep as he could inside her. She felt
the tremors as he came, the sticky fluid he released, and she let herself join
him. They wrapped their arms around each other, leaning against the truck until
they came down.
“Hello,” Spike said, a few
minutes later with a chuckle. He brushed the hair away from her face. “Have you
had a good day so far?”
“It’s been delightful so far,”
Buffy grinned, sliding down his body to stand on the ground. He knelt to smooth
her skirt down while she tousled his hair. “I brought a blanket and a cooler
with drinks and sandwiches.”
They gathered the items from
the back of the truck before making their way down to a grassy space by the
lake. The blanket was spread out and they made themselves comfortable. Buffy
offered him an icy beer and took a bottle of water for herself. She took a
couple of long cool drinks before putting it aside so she could settle next to
him. He immediately realigned himself so that they were touching.
“So, how are the kids?” He
asked, kissing her forehead softly.
“Good,” Buffy said. “Raven
is being way too good so I’m waiting for the explosion to happen soon.” She
chuckled as she thought of her teenage daughter. “If I didn’t know it was going
to end soon I’d be enjoying the extra nicey helper.” She sighed. “Elijah has
already fell off the little man wagon. He was demanding some cookies while
Spike stiffened next to her
while she told him about Eli. There were strict rules in the house about the
use of Elijah’s powers.
“What did you do?” He asked
without anger in his voice.
“I had
“Kind of hard for him to
deal with, I’m sure,” Spike said, smiling. “How is he handing it?”
“Just fine. I sent him off
with Xander and Aidan to go fishing for a couple of days. Let him wallow in all
that male stuff.”
“Good, let him burn off some
of that extra energy,” Spike said, approvingly. He pushed her t-shirt out of
the way so that he could settle his hand on her stomach. His finger tickled her
belly button. “And Journey?”
“She’s being your demanding
daughter again,” Buffy said, sighing. “She keeps seeing things on television
that she wants for her birthday and the list keeps getting longer.”
“Don’t spoil her too much,”
Spike said, his hand coasting along her body until he was cupping her hip. “And
send me a list of things I can pick up in
“How was your trip?” Buffy
asked, turning on her side to face Spike. His roaming hands were making her
body respond again and she wanted to get the preliminaries out of the way so
they could make love again.
Spike rolled onto his back,
pulling her with him. “We got the job done.”
“Oh, come on, silly,” Buffy said,
trailing a finger down his cheek. “Tell me all about your adventure. Really…I
want to hear.”
“It wasn’t that
interesting,” Spike said but his grin told her otherwise. She listened while he told her about the run
across the rooftops. The drive through the desert with Dylan hanging out the
window and the demon protesting his capture in the back of the truck all
sounded adventurous to her. A part of her longed for the days when she was part
of the action but it was over for her. Spike, though, seemed to come alive
beneath her. His face was animated as he talked about the cemetery, the
cantinas and the heat that he hated. Suddenly he stopped talking. “I’m sorry. I
must be boring you.” His face held a trace of guilt as he looked up at her.
Buffy kissed him. “You’re
not boring me. It seems like you had a great time.” She ground down on him.
“It’s kind of like having the big bad around again.”
“I’ll big bad you,” Spike
whispered as he flipped them.
“Please do,” Buffy said,
spreading her legs so that he was cradled against her. This time it was slow. Their
touches were slower as they reaffirmed their knowledge of each other’s body.
Spike made sure she was feeling loved and satisfied before he slid into her
heat. He rolled again letting her take control. Her hands planted on either
side of him as she rocked against him.
“I’m so glad you’re mine,”
Spike said, stroking her breasts.
“Never leave you,” Buffy
vowed. She arched back when his hand slid down her stomach and between her
legs. He rubbed her clit, circling and teasing, until she plummeted over the
edge. Panting she fell against him, using the last of her strength to bring him
to his own completion. Kissing his chest, she let her hand drift over his ribs.
“I’ve missed you.”
“You just miss getting laid
everyday.”
“That too,” Buffy giggled.
“So, are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”
“You mean besides missing
being home, you, the kids and living my life?”
“Yeah,” Buffy said, sitting
up. “You know you can tell me anything.”
“Let me up, baby,” Spike
said, holding her hand until she was sitting on the blanket. He stood up,
reaching for his jeans to look for a cigarette. She watched the familiar
profile as he lit it and inhaled.
“You pick that up in
“It’s my house.”
“Damn you Spike,” Buffy
said, standing in front of him. “Don’t shut me out, please.”
“How can I tell you when I’m
not sure myself?”
“Did you find someone else?”
“It always comes back to
that again, doesn’t it?” Spike said, laughing. “Have I cheated again? You were
the one that bloody pushed me out of my home. Not me. I didn’t want to go.
Maybe you’re the one cheating. You did it first by the way...can I remind you
of Richard?”
“That’s childish.”
“So, is not trusting me.”
“I have reason,” Buffy said,
softly. She crossed her arms and stared down at his feet. Her big toe ran
across his. “You need to cut your nails.”
“That’s rich,” Spike said,
tilting her head up. “We go from my straying to my toenails.”
“The other hurts too much,”
Buffy said, honestly. “I do trust you. I’m sorry…that was uncalled for.”
“I’m not cheating on you,”
Spike said pulling her close. “I know you don’t have reason to believe me.” He
laughed softly. “I love you, woman, no matter how much of a bitch you are.”
“Bastard,” Buffy said,
pinching his bare bottom. “So, tell me what you do know.”
“It’s Dylan,” Spike
answered. “He confuses the hell out of me and I don’t know what to do about it.
He got hurt while we were there and I felt like his soddin’ father or
something.” He paused and she could feel the vibration of his neck as he
swallowed. “Yet there was something else there. Angel said it’s my demon
calling out for a childe.”
“And what do you think?”
“I don’t know, Buffy, I
don’t know.”
His confusion worried her.
She wasn’t sure if she should be threatened by Dylan or be supportive of Spike.
Her doubts were her problem. Spike had been nothing but a model husband for
years now. Another unjustified display of being a shrew and he would have
reason to turn away. There was only thing to do. She would be the understanding
wife.
“Invite him home,” Buffy
said, stepping back so she could look into her husband’s eyes. “Bring him with
you for Joy’s birthday party. It will give him a chance to see you who you
really are...besides rogue demon hunter extraordinaire.” She smiled. “If he’s
important to you then he should be important to the rest of the family.”
“Are you sure?”
There was hope in his eyes
and she quelled the unease she felt about bringing a stranger home. Their
family had almost always expanded by unusual means and she did understand the
need for a vampire to create a family.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” Buffy
said, cupping his cheek.
“Thank you,” Spike said,
hugging her again. “I love you.”
Buffy held him knowing that
if Spike wanted this Dylan to be part of their family then he would be. She
wouldn’t lose her husband again…no matter what it took.
T o be continued…
