“Spike, wait up,” Buffy called out.

He slammed the door of the car and made his into the house. As he strode toward the bedroom he started to remove his clothes. All he wanted was a hot shower and some time alone. The sound of her footsteps followed him as he went but thankfully she wasn’t whining for him to talk to her. To explain why he was upset with her. She didn’t deserve an explanation. The little slut showing off her tits to them and batting her eyes at them like they were the greatest things on earth.

“Stop,” Buffy said and her hand grabbed his arm to pull him around.

“Leave me alone,” Spike shouted and shook himself free.

“No.”

She took a step forward to wrap her arms around him and her lips met his. She was soft against him and he tried to stay stiff in her arms but he couldn’t. He wrapped her hair around his hand and pulled her head back so he could plunder her mouth even more. When she melted into him he started walking them toward the bed. She giggled as he laid her across the bed and covered her, pushing her legs apart so he could settle against her.

“Don’t be angry with me. I just wanted to get us out of there.” Her hands cupped his face so she could tempt him into her web with those hazel eyes so innocent but yet so seductive.

“Not angry with you,” Spike said as he pinned her arms over head and nibbled on her neck.

“Are you sure?”

“Nope, not a bit.”

He rose up and undid her blouse. Once it was open he flicked the clasp on her bra freeing her to his gaze and hands. Her eyes showed her unease at his movements but Spike didn’t take the time to reassure her or tease her. This wasn’t about the fluffy little love making he had given her so far. He was angry and hurt and wanted to punish her. Punish her power and freedom. He wanted her to hurt for having love and being loved. All the things he was denied.

Coldly he undid her pants and pulled them down her legs. He hopped off the bed and yanked her boots off then her pants, dropping them all on the floor. His gaze swept over her naked form as he finished stripping himself.

“Spike, what’s going on?”

He refused to answer as he moved to cover her again. His hand moved between her legs and stroked her. Just as he thought Buffy was wet and throbbing for him. Finally his eyes met hers and he saw her flinch under his icy gaze. She started to twist away from him but he pinned her arms above her head again with one hand while the other guided him into her heat.

“You can get away anytime you want, Buffy.” He murmured. “But you don’t want to, do you?”

Spike continued to stare down into her eyes as he slowly entered her. The desire was there in her eyes and he tried to tell himself that she was thinking about that freak in the woods.

~~~~~~~

It was cold. So cold. The way he was looking at her. The way he was touching her. Buffy knew he was angry and upset but he was making her feel so bad, like she was wrong for wanting him. He was right though she could get away anytime she wanted to and she yanked her hands free. A soft moan rippled through the air and she realized that it was coming from her. She wasn’t wrong though. She knew that. Her body was already trained to respond to his touch and his mouth. It was as if this part of her belonged to him and instinctively she knew even if he didn’t have the chip he wouldn’t hurt her. Because he knew that her body was his. Even like this.

But it didn’t mean she couldn’t try to change things and she let her hands roam over his chest, across his shoulders and down his sides. Through her touch she tried to convey her caring and understanding but she couldn’t get past his wall.

“You like this. Fucking demons. Maybe I was wrong. Those humans wouldn’t be enough. You couldn’t get Angel between your legs but you’ll take a substitute as long as it’s a vampire.”

Tears threatened but she blinked them away. She refused to be humiliated by him. As she opened her eyes she watched as he transformed into his demon guise. Those yellow eyes stared down at her as he moved faster within her. This time there was no attempt to bring her along and she knew he didn’t care about how she was feeling. It was all about him.

“Do you like this, Buffy? Do you like fucking the vampire that wanted to rape and eat your best friend?” Spike bent his head and scraped his fangs across her neck and even then she turned her head to give him better access. “Or is it the danger that you like? Do you get off on knowing that if this chip wasn’t in my head that I would drink you dry?” He pulled almost all the way out of her then thrust so hard that she gasped from it.

“Spike, please,” she begged. This time she didn’t stop the tears and they rolled down her face as she kneaded her nails into his shoulders.

“Go ahead and cry all you want. It only makes it sweeter.”

They both froze as they heard footsteps across the living room floor. Angel was home. All she had to do was cry out and he would make Spike stop this but as he came closer to the room she pulled Spike down on her. Buffy buried her face in his shoulder and wrapped her legs around him. She could feel the surprise in him but he didn’t stop moving. He only reached beside them and haphazardly threw the comforter over them.

Neither looked at Angel as he stopped in the doorway and Buffy bit her lip to keep from crying out. For some reason she didn’t understand she wanted to protect Spike from Angel’s wrath. So, they listened as Angel walked into the bathroom and turned the shower on. Only a few moments later and Buffy felt Spike spasm in her.

He pulled back from her and looked into her eyes.

”That was stupid, you know?” His fingers ran across her face. “Don’t ever let your enemy have the upper hand. I’m going to go join him in the shower and put him in a really good mood. Later when you want to tell him it will be too late.”

Buffy watched as he stood and walked to the bathroom. She lay there just as he left her feeling the shame and embarrassment wash over her. The sobs took her over and she rolled onto her side letting them run its course even as she heard Angel and Spike laughing in the shower.

There was no way she could stay here. She had to be away before they got out. She stood and felt his seed run down her thigh. It was a reminder that she needed too much as she pulled her jeans on and without bothering to think of why she pulled on the sweater that Spike had worn. His scent strong around her was able to give her comfort even in this.

After grabbing some stakes she made her way toward the cemetery. She was on the hunt. Anger and humiliation driving her to punish something for events she hadn’t been able to control and as she chased a vampire it hit her. She was doing the same thing that Spike had done to her. The reasons for his atrocious behavior became crystal clear to her and she stopped. Back there in the woods he had been totally helpless and humiliated in his emasculation. Throwing her head back, she breathed deeply and found a way to forgive him.

Forgiving him was one thing. Understanding why was another thing. Letting him get away with it was something else.

Slowly she turned to head toward home when she sensed them. They had come looking for her. Or at least Angel had and Spike had followed. It would make it look like his fault if he didn’t come with Angel.

She waited for them but as they came closer several vampires came out of nowhere.

“Angel,” she shouted as she turned to fight.

Her chance came only a moment later. She had dusted one vamp and was fighting with another when the third took off with Angel in pursuit. Buffy quickly dispensed with the one she was currently battling. No quips, no playing, just the stake through its heart and she was free. Free to face Spike.

They stared at one another for a moment before she punched him. Hard enough to knock him on his ass and as he fell she followed him down. His eyes widened in apprehension as she raised her stake and he yelped in fright as she brought it down toward his chest. Thankfully her quick reflexes stayed with her as she allowed the stake to penetrate just enough to break the skin.

“Move and I’ll finish it. Understand?” Buffy asked as she wiggled it just slightly.

He nodded.

Tears filled her eyes again as she looked down at him, so beautiful but yet so deadly if not in deed than in word. If she hadn’t once been where he was she would never have understood.

“As Angel’s mate basically I have control over you, right?”

He nodded.

“If I wanted I could make you sleep alone every night, couldn’t I?”

He laughed. She wiggled the stake and he nodded.

“I could have you sleep on the floor?”

His eyes started to fill with tears as he nodded slowly.

“And I could treat you basically like shit couldn’t I?’

“Yes,” he said with a show of defiant pride in his voice. “Go ahead if that’s what you’re getting to. I’ve survived worse than a little girl on an ego trip.”

She ignored his rant and continued. “And yet I haven’t. Actually I’m trying to be your friend and include you. Aren’t I?”

He looked away then his eyes closed as he nodded.

“They why would you treat me like that? Why Spike? If you would just have talked to me I could have told you that I understand. That I have been where you are now but you chose to humiliate and hurt me. Do you know that you hurt me?”

“Yeah. That was the point, you stupid bint.”

“And did it occur to you that you couldn’t hurt me unless I care about your damn ass. And because I care I would have gone down fighting before I’d let them hurt you. Remember that and remember this. Don’t ever fuck with me like that again or you will see what a bitch I can be.”

~~~~~~~~

The damn fledging had led him on a merry chase before he had caught it and destroyed it without pretense. Something was wrong with Buffy and he wanted to make sure she was all right. Angel hurried back to where he had left them. And as he rounded the corner of a mausoleum he froze.

Buffy was staking Spike. And an overwhelming fear hit him as he thought that he would never hold the blonde again. That Spike would never laugh with him or listen to him when he got down about things. Intense anger at Buffy also filled him for taking Spike away from him.

“Buffy,” he yelled as he started to run toward them. If she was going to destroy Spike he would never reach them in time but he would try anyway.

With relief he watched Buffy stand up and hold her hand out for Spike to take. She pulled him up and as Angel got to them she walked past Angel without a word.

The implications of his emotions finally hit him as his eyes moved over Spike to reassure himself that he was okay than he turned to watch Buffy walking away. When his feelings were locked away again he allowed himself to look at Spike again.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“What the hell was that about?”

Spike hesitated before answering and Angel knew he wasn’t going to get the truth.

“It’s fine. Buffy and me had a disagreement. Settled now.”

“She didn’t hurt you?”

A laugh was his reply along with a shake of a blonde head. Spike started to head in the direction that Buffy had gone and reluctantly Angel followed. Neither of them was going to talk to him about it and it had to have been bad for Buffy to threaten Spike like that. He was torn between being angry with Buffy for hurting Spike or being angry with Spike for giving her a reason. Or was it vice versa and it confused the hell out of him. Which one was he supposed to be angry with and which one was he supposed to protect. By the time he followed them into the house he was about ready to scream in frustration but he didn’t.

“I want to be alone. I’m going to go and sleep in Spike’s room if that’s okay.” Buffy said.

“If that’s what you want.” Angel agreed. Whatever had happened was bad enough to drive her away from them. Slowly, he turned to Spike. His eyes flickered over his Childe as he contemplated the evening’s events. They had been having sex when he came home and then Spike had come to him. Buffy had left when they were in the shower. So, whatever had happened between had occurred from the time they had finished sex to when Spike had come to him therefore Spike had to have instigated the situation. “What did you do to her?”

“Leave it alone, Angel. It’s over.”

Without thinking Angel grabbed Spike’s shirt front and hauled him closer to him. “Don’t tell me to leave it alone. I want to know what happened.”

“He said leave it alone and so am I. We had a disagreement but we understand each other now.” Buffy said from the stairs. “It’s okay. I promise.”

He let go of Spike’s shirt as Buffy returned upstairs. With a last glance at Spike he disappeared into his bedroom. Neither of them was going to include him in this so let them be alone.

~~~~~~~~

Spike watched both of his lovers walk away from him. And both of them were angry at him. It hurt. Quickly he made his way toward Angel’s study and found the bottle of whisky kept there. Not bothering with a glass he quickly swallowed a fourth of the bottle welcoming the burn because it matched the one already in his heart. He made his way toward the couch and fell down upon the leather finish then took another hefty drink of the liquor. Soon, it would be all gone and so would his heartache. Well, at least for a while.

She had done it again. This was one of the reasons he hated her so much. The other two Slayers had been fucking easy to kill. The same game, different bitch. Exchange words, fight and kill them. No, Buffy had to be bloody different. She had a fricking social life, friends that backed her up and she had those stupid eyes. Eyes he wanted to drown in and a body he wanted to lose himself in. This one from the first moment he had seen her he had wanted her and now that he had been with her nothing was going to be the same.

After kicking his boots off he tried to make himself more comfortable. Figured since they were both angry that neither of them would want him and if they didn’t want him then this was his bed tonight. Another long swallow and he tried to put the almost empty bottle on the table but it fell onto the floor where he patted it.

“Good night,” he slurred. “You the best friend any guy needs.”

I understand.

Those words kept echoing in his head. Her face as he had taken her earlier was hiding behind his eyelids as he tried to sleep. And his fucking heart hurt. How could something cold and dead hurt?

Spike gave up. He couldn’t hide from her no matter what he did. Carefully he made his way towards the stairs then crawled up them. Everything was going to be gone now even his pride but maybe he could at least know why. Stumbling his way down the hall he would stop and remove a piece of clothing every few feet. Although it was only two pieces it took a great deal of effort and concentration in his state. When he made it to his room he opened the door and walked in.

Buffy was burrowed under his covers and she was crying.

“Aahh, bullocks, Slayer, what the fuck you bawling about now?”

“Go away.”

He swayed at the end of the bed and looked down at her swollen and pinched face in the moonlight.

“Stop that. You’re too pretty to get yourself all messed up like that. I like you pretty.”

She sat up so quickly it made him dizzy and he had to clutch the footboard to keep from falling on his ass. His other hand clutched at his head to try to keep the room from revolving around him.

“Don’t move like that. I can’t keep up.”

“You’re drunk?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Get out, Spike, before I start screaming for Angel.”

“What’s the pouf going to do? Stake me? Again?” Spike started to giggle which quickly turned to sobs and he crawled onto the bed collapsing with his head on Buffy’s legs. “I’m sorry.” His fingers plucked at the bed covers. “Do you forgive me?”

Buffy sighed and when she touched him he recoiled afraid of what she might do to him.

“Come here, you big wussy boy.”

Spike looked up at her. “Not a wussy boy. Mean bad vampire that wants to eat you.” Then he laughed again as he tried to wiggle his eyebrows. “In more ways than one.”

She rolled her eyes at him. “Yeah, I know. Now get your drunken ass up here.”

“Going to stake me?”

“No.”

“Can I stake you?”

“Not in your condition.”

Spike finished crawling up the bed until he was beside her and managed to lift his legs so she could cover him up.

“I should make you sleep on the floor for this.” She told him as she made sure he was comfortable.

“You care about Spike. You said so.”

“Yeah, and your point?”

“Not make me sleep on the floor like a dog.”

He turned so he could cuddle against her with his head on her shoulder.

“No, I wouldn’t do that unless you really piss me off again.”

They were both quiet for a moment as they slowly settled into each other and their bodies prepared for sleep.

“Tell me,” his voice was almost sober sounding again.

“About what?”

“Why you understand?”

Buffy ran her hand down his arm before twining her fingers with his. She sighed softly, “It started a few days before my eighteenth birthday…”