“Hey, Buffy,” Riley said.

“Hi,” she replied as she stood and swung her bag over her shoulder.

“I want you to meet someone.”

Riley led her down to the front of the lecture hall toward Maggie Walsh, their professor. Buffy looked around at Willow and gave her the look, telling her to go and let Angel and Spike know where she was. Her friend gave her a quick nod before rushing from the room.

“Buffy, Professor Walsh is my commanding officer and part of the Initiative.”

“Hello, Buffy,” Maggie said as she held her hand out to Buffy. “Riley has told me quite a bit about you, like you fancy yourself a Slayer.”

“Not a Slayer but THE Slayer.” Buffy replied. “There can be only one, well, actually there are two right now, but the other one isn’t actively slaying right now.”

When Maggie looked at her like she was crazy, Buffy quieted down. No reason to look like a babbling fool when she was trying to impress the woman. So, she waited.

“Riley tells me that you are quite the impressive demon fighter. Staked a vampire by yourself.” Maggie said. “I’d like to see what you can do. Why don’t you come down and we’ll give you a tour of our operations and put you through some tests? If you are as good as Riley says, then maybe we can come to a mutually agreeable arrangement.”

“Maybe, let’s go,” Buffy responded.

Riley laughed and Maggie smiled slightly as they regarded her.

“I told you she’d be eager for this,” Riley said.

Yeah, sure, real eager, I just want to get this over with, Buffy thought as she followed them from the classroom.

Angel paced across the living room, looked out over the garden, and turned, slowly walking back across the room. His eyes flickered over Spike and the look of worry that was on the blonde’s face mirrored his own. After a few more laps across the living room, he turned and headed for the weapons chest that occupied one corner.

“What are you doing?” Spike asked as he followed him over.

“Getting a weapon then I’ll gather the others and go after her. She’s been gone too long. It’s night already.” Angel replied as he pulled out a battle axe.

Spike reached around him to procure a weapon for him when Angel grabbed his arm.

“No, you stay here.”

“I’m going with you,” Spike said as he straightened to his full height, his eyes burning indignantly into the worried ones of his Sire.

“No, you are not. We are going against the Initiative.”

“Well, at least I can go to Giles while you all get ready.”

Angel sighed in frustration. He didn’t need his Childe tagging along when he was already so worried about Buffy. It would render him unable to concentrate on rescuing her if he was protecting Spike, too.

“I am telling you to stay here in case she shows up.”

“Why? It’s not like I can call you, never got the phones we talked about. We can leave a note for her.”

Ignoring him, Angel headed for the door but Spike persisted by following him.

“Damn it, Spike, stay here. That’s not a request.”

“I can handle it. What the hell is your problem? Buffy doesn’t treat me like a child.”

“Maybe if you weren’t acting like a whiny brat, I wouldn’t be treating you like one.”

“It’s not your decision, Buffy runs the Slaying, and she’d let me go.”

By this time the two vampires were nose to nose as the anger and the frustrations they had been holding onto finally exploded.

“She is my mate and would do as I tell her.”

“She’s mine, too,” Spike shouted as his body tensed and his hands began to clench and unclench at his sides.

This time his insolence had gone too far. To claim that Buffy in anyway belonged to him was challenging everything that Angel was in this relationship. Buffy was his and only by his graciousness was Spike even allowed to touch her. Their declarations of love had obviously led Spike to delude himself on his relationship with the Slayer. The anger surged through the older vampire forcing the demon to the forefront as he switched to game face.

“She is not yours. You have obviously been too spoiled and think that you’re place in this house is more than what it is.”

Angel almost winced at the pain that flooded Spike’s face and the sound of his Childe’s heart breaking was almost physically audible. But the words were already said and could not be taken back now.

“Is that all that I am? Still?” Spike laughed bitterly as he obviously tried to maintain his dignity. “Buffy and I only pretend that we believe in your roles and titles. They don’t mean anything to us.”

“What do you think you are? You are a vampire, my Childe and it would be best for you to remember that.”

He hated the words that came from his mouth but he couldn’t seem to stop them. To say what was in his heart would make him too vulnerable and as Spike slipped into his demon guise, he knew that they had gone too far to back down now.

“What’s going on?” Buffy cried as she came into the room.

“Nothing. The hero was going to rescue you and leave his minion at home.” Spike ground out. His gaze never left Angel’s face.

“I have never treated you like a minion. Never. You have been treated like more than what you deserve.”

Buffy ran between them, her hands coming up as if she could stop what was going to happen.

“I deserve? More than what I deserve?” Spike laughed as he backed up. “That Angel is hilarious. You tell me I forget who I am. You are the ultimate lapdog of the Slayer. Your roles mean nothing because you are the most pussy whipped vampire I have ever had the misfortune of meeting.”

Angel pushed Buffy aside as he took a swing at Spike. His fist landed on the beauty of that face with a resounding thud and for a moment they stared at each other. Their pain was evident before they threw themselves into the fight. The confusion and the love they couldn’t express created an anger that was directed at their own inabilities to communicate just as much as their frustration that the other one didn’t automatically understand came through in their fists. Snarls and growls and the sound of flesh hitting flesh echoed around the room.

“Stop it, both of you stop it,” Buffy screamed.

Her small body came between them as Angel pushed Spike backwards. Her tears and screams for them to stop slowed them down for a moment but Angel wasn’t ready to give up yet and moved around her. It was when her fist connected with his face that he stopped in astonishment. If it hadn’t been for that then he would have hit her back. The three stood there frozen as they tried to come to grips with what had happened.

“I’m leaving,” Spike whispered.

Angel stared at his child in disbelief. He wanted to tell him to stay, he wanted to apologize. To tell Spike that he loved him. But in the end he watched Spike turn and go up the stairs.

“Do something, Angel,” Buffy begged through her tears.

“It’s his choice,” he replied as he headed for the garden. He couldn’t watch his Childe walk away and he would hide like the coward he was until the younger vampire was gone.

It had been too much to hope for and Spike knew if he stayed he would always be Angel’s bitch and that he couldn’t forgive himself for. It was one thing to be love’s bitch but another just to be someone’s dog. He knew he was worth more than that. And if he had ever forgotten it then the look of love on Buffy’s face would remind him.

He threw his duffel bag on the bed and headed for his dresser to grab a pile of clothes. As he stuffed them into the bag, she came into the room and he almost lost his resolve. Almost decided to stay, anything to chase the pain from those eyes, instead he opened his arms to catch her as she flew across the room.

“Stay,” she pleaded, “please, stay,”

“I can’t, Pet; we both knew it was crazy to hope for anything else.” He whispered as his hands floated over her back. “We only deluded and hurt ourselves.’

“He won’t force you to go. All you have to do is give him time to calm down.”

Spike reached behind him and pulled her hands away so that he could hold them between them. Her face was ravaged with the tears and her nose was running. He freed a hand to wipe away some of the moisture gathered across her cheeks.

“Buffy, I need to go. I’m sorry. It’s not you.”

“Please don’t leave. I can’t lose you.”

He pulled her against him again, laying a kiss on top of her head.

“You’re strong enough to do this. I have to go. If he asks I’ll stay but otherwise I can’t do this anymore.”

After letting her go, he headed to the dresser again and grabbed some more clothes. As he moved back and forth a few more times, Buffy sat on the edge of the bed and watched him. Her sobs never lessened but only grew in intensity as the bag filled. Finally it was time for him to go and he went to kneel in front of her.

“You take care of yourself, Slayer.”

Her hands caressed his face in random flutters as she leaned her forehead against his. He wanted to ask her to go with him but she needed to be safe and here she was. As angry as he was with Angel, he knew that his Sire loved the girl and would protect her with everything he had and here she would be taken care of.

“I love you, Spike,” she whispered.

Slowly he pulled back and smiled up at her.

“No, you don’t. You love the poof. Me, it’s just a fairy tale you told yourself to excuse the fact that you were fucking a soulless demon.”

He stood, kissed her on the forehead, grabbed his bag and left. It was time to figure out who Spike was. What he was made of and what kind of life he could have with the chip in his head.

She kicked her shoes off and crawled under the covers. It used to be just his bed and smell only of him but now it carried the scent of all of them and she found the pillow that he had last used and clutched it to her. The last time she had felt this bad was before she ran to Daytona and knew that like then that there would be no sympathy from family and friends.

“Buffy, are you all right?” Angel asked as he sat on the side of the bed. His hand pushed the hair back off of her face.

“Why didn’t you stop him? If you had only asked he would have stayed. Was your pride worth it?”

“It’s deeper than that Buffy. I didn’t ask him to leave. He is always welcome here but like I said it was his choice.”

“And it was your choice that let him leave.”

Her eyes closed as she listened to him sigh. She refused his comfort and only took comfort in the blame she placed on him. There was a part of her that knew that Spike’s emotionalism and impulsiveness had contributed to the situation but he wasn’t there and Angel was.

“I’m going to bed.” He whispered as he leaned over to kiss her cheek. “I love you, Buffy, for always.”

She waited until he was almost to the door before she had the courage to tell him.

“If anything happens to him out there, I will never forgive you.”

He turned to meet her gaze, “Neither will I.”

Then he was gone and she was alone with a pillow and her broken heart.

The ever increasing tempo of Buffy’s weeping was strangling him with its piteous sound. Angel lay in his bed; eyes trained to the ceiling, and let her tears be his punishment. For the first time in months the vampire would be sleeping alone and it was lonelier than all those decades of true aloneness. This was bitter and cold and it cut through him with dullest edge imaginable.

He wanted to go and wrap her in his arms and tell her everything would be all right.

It wouldn’t be.

He wanted to go and find him and tell him it was all right.

It wasn’t.

Everything had changed. In one hour their illusion of happiness was gone and it had taken months, no, a century to build to this point. Always, always it had been William that had played such havoc with his emotions. Anger, lust, desire, and joy. All wrapped in the beautiful package that he was and Angel wanted him home. He wanted that body next to his, to hear their laughter in the next room, to wake up like he had this morning to them making love.

Angel turned in his bed and scooted down, until the scent of their sex, could wash over him and he let his eyes drift closed so he could remember. Remember the look on Buffy’s face as she peered at him over Spike’s shoulder, her hand reaching for his as she cried out her orgasm and the contentment with which they cuddled still joined next to him. They were truly wondrous together. Their bodies as if they were made for the other to fuck and it had become a joy to watch them move together. Buffy was a woman now. And it wasn’t just life or him that had helped her on her journey. It was Spike. And in a way a part of her did belong to Spike.

A tear slid down his face as he thought of the cruelty of his words tonight. Of the century of words and deeds meant to break someone that could never be broken. Spike would never allow himself to be broken and that was why he had left. If Spike had given in, content to be Angel’s plaything and toy, then he would have been more broken than he had been after all the torture that Angelus had laid upon his body. His spirit would have been broken and that was the one thing that Angel loved about him.

And Angel had failed him with his weakness.

He had failed Buffy.

Once again Angel proved himself to be nothing more what his father had told him he was. A waste. And in his blindness that it wasn’t true, he had caused pain where it wasn’t intended.

He stayed where he was, alone in his bed, and went to neither of them. His tears fell in earnest and soon the sound of Buffy’s crying was drowned out by the sound of his own sobs.

The crypt was cold and dank. Dust and cobwebs covered every surface there was. It was what every vampire would love to call home except for Spike. It was early. Really too early to sleep but there was nothing Spike wanted to do except go home and he couldn’t do that. So, he had found a crypt that would most likely afford him no interruptions for the next twenty-four hours.

After throwing his duffel bag onto the sarcophagus he slowly walked the perimeter of the small building. There were no signs of anyone being in here in years and knew that he should be safe enough to try to sleep. He found himself a corner that wasn’t as filthy as the others and after pulling down the cobwebs and wiping his hands on his jeans, he grabbed his bag and hunkered down with his back against the wall. From here he could still watch the doorway and after a quick glance to make sure that it was closed tight. He waited. Waited for one of them to care enough to look for him and hoping more for the sight of his Sire. Wasn’t he supposed to take care of Spike, his Childe, even being able to fight demons, it still wasn’t safe out here for him. One pissed off human and he was done for. One run in with the Initiative and he was done for.

After a couple of hours of not moving, he gave up. Finally he realized that Angel didn’t really care after all. He figured that Buffy wanted to come for him and Angel forbade it. That would be the Angel thing to do after all. Spike was on his own again. And as was his habit, he decided to play ‘Scarlett’, tonight he would indulge his grief and tomorrow would figure out what to do. Unzipping his bag he first pulled out a bag of blood he had pilfered on the way out of the house. He ripped it open and downed it to keep his strength up and when it was gone, reached in and took the bottle of whiskey out. Now, this would get him through the night as he took a long swig.

He thought of home, as the mansion now was to him, and wanted to return. Let Angel have his way and play Daddy and husband to him forever but he couldn’t. Not and still call himself Spike. He leaned his head against the wall and thought of all that he had walked away from. Comfortable beds with even more comfortable bodies to sleep with. A refrigerator that always had blood and a decanter in the study that always had whiskey, a telly that they had rigged so he could get cable, (didn’t tell the Slayer about that one, did they?), bathtubs you could swim in and hot water to fill them.

But that wasn’t what he would miss the most. It was him. Angel and his hands that moved across his flesh so knowingly and the laughter that had been growing more frequent. He would miss the Angel that took care of him and fed him and even as much as he hated it, had tried to protect him from the dangers of the world.

And her, he would miss the Slayer, Buffy, who had started off as a conquest, a fuck in a game that would give him security. She had become his friend and a lover. Gotten under his skin with her smiles and nurturing and belief that he was better than evil even without a soul. And he was in love with her. Her declaration of love swept through him and wished that he could have taken her with him. He laughed as he glanced around his new home and asked himself how could he offer her this when she had all the things he was longing for.