“Sorry, honey, take an afternoon off and they think they can’t live without you,” Joyce said, sitting next to her and patting her leg. “So, now that we’ve done all the small talk and I’ve put the phone off the hook, are you going to tell me what is bothering you?”

And that was all it took for Buffy to let go, she launched herself at her mother, needing her comfort the way she had when she was a little girl. Joyce’s arms surrounded her in a protective embrace letting Buffy cry out the whole story about Riley and her subsequent withdrawal from Spike and Angel. The Slayer could feel her mother’s anger and hurt and she only held on tighter until everything was out.

“Are you okay? Physically, I mean,” Joyce asked, and handed her daughter some tissues.

Buffy nodded against the older woman’s shoulder and took the proffered tissues, wedging them in the tight space to dry her eyes. Steeling herself that Joyce’s anger wasn’t against her, Buffy finally moved but only to sit close by her mother’s side.

“Physically, I’m fine and I know its stupid but I just feel so dirty,” Buffy explained.

“Have…the boys made you feel bad about it?”

“They’re not boys, Mom,” Buffy said, laughing at her mother’s insistence of ignoring the fact that the men she was living with were vampires and over a century in age each. “They’ve been great. Neither one of them blames me or makes me feel bad for it.”

“Have they pushed you into…having sex again before you’re ready?”

Shaking her head, Buffy responded, “No, Spike has been as patient as he can be. He’s told me he’s ready when I’m ready but no pressure or anything.”

Her mother ran her hand down the back of Buffy’s hair and gave her daughter a thoughtful smile.

“I have this feeling that there is something bothering you that you don’t want to admit to anyone. I’m flattered that you have come to me but it seems with everyone being so wonderful to you that you should be on your way to being whole again. So, talk to me. Do you want to go to counseling? Move home? Whatever it’s going to take, we’ll get it for you.”

Buffy moved further down on the couch, her arms folding across her chest as she steeled herself to confess the secret that she had been holding onto.

“Riley called me a demon whore.” Buffy murmured, her hands running along her upper arms as she shivered with the memories. “Was I being punished for living with Spike and Angel? Is that why it happened? Am I a bad girl?”

“No, absolutely not,” Joyce declared vehemently. “Things like that don’t happen for punishment. Riley was completely to blame. Not you. You’re not a bad girl.”

“Even though I am having sex with a soulless demon almost every night and our bed is shared with another vampire. Aren’t you the one who told me that it wasn’t normal?”

Joyce sighed and looked away. Buffy watched the emotions dance across her mother’s face before she turned to look at Buffy again.

“Buffy, it’s not normal. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I think it is.” Joyce said, turning to face her child again. “But I am willing to admit that maybe it’s not wrong for you. Thankfully, since you’ve been back we’ve able to talk more openly about your life as a Slayer. And I know the risks and dangers that you live through every day a little better. I don’t think you are going to find many boys you’re age that could understand and deal with it. Besides Spike and Angel have made you happy, I can see that, so, no, you’re not bad for being in a loving relationship.”

Relief flooded Buffy’s senses as her mother gave her what she had been seeking; understanding and acceptance of her life with the vampires.

“Thank you, Mom.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.” Joyce smiled. “Now, don’t you think you need to go home and take you’re life back?”

Laughing, Buffy hugged her mother. “Are you telling me to go home and seduce my boyfriend?”

“Yes, I am. Just don’t give me details, okay?”

It was time. There was no avoiding it anymore and Buffy would get through it one way or another. She had waited until Angel had left to go patrolling before moving upstairs to take a bath. Grabbing her nightgown she pulled it over her head, liking the way the white satin clung to her still damp skin. It reached mid-thigh and hung from her shoulders by thin straps and it made her feel sexy without being too revealing. She took one last look in the mirror, decided that she looked good before heading downstairs to where Spike was watching television.

The look Spike gave her as she walked toward him made her feel warm all over. The television was muted as she put one knee on the couch and swung her other leg so that she was straddling him. When she sank down on him and felt him between her thighs was when the small swirl of panic began in her stomach. Buffy swallowed quickly and pressed her lips to his. The kiss was forced because she told herself to keep going even when she wanted to run. And his attempt to tease her was overridden by her tongue darting in and out of his mouth. His hands settled on her upper arms and with a firm grip, pushed her away.

“Slow up, Baby,” Spike said, his voice ragged with suppressed desire. “There’s no rush.”

“I thought you still wanted me.”

His hands moved to either side of her head while his thumbs caressed her cheeks.

“I do want you but I want it when you do.” Spike laughed. “I don’t want to fuck you with your eyes clenched shut and your hands fisted up. Want you relaxed and enjoying it.”

“Sorry,” Buffy whispered, shifting to sit on the couch. Her eyes blinked several times and felt rejected when he turned the television back on.

Spike leaned over and kissed her cheek, “I’ll be right back.”

Buffy didn’t want to wait anymore to have sex with Spike. If the first time was awkward then it would soon pass, she was sure of it. She almost called him back when he walked out of the room but sank back into the couch in frustration and threw her feet up on the coffee table. She grabbed the remote defiantly and started to flick through the offerings for the night.

“Was watching the movie,” Spike scolded, walking back into the room with a bottle of wine and two glasses. He sat beside her and filled both glasses and handed her one. “I know you don’t normally drink wine but it’ll help to relax you.”

“Trying to get me drunk?”

“No, Love, like I said, just trying to get you to loosen up some,” Spike explained, leaning back and putting his arm around her shoulders. Without any encouragement she leaned into him and took a sip of the white wine. Taking advantage of her temporary occupation, he grabbed the remote and put his movie back on.

For the next hour they watched, Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo, starring Spencer Tracy. It surprised Buffy that Spike would like a movie like that and when she commented on it, he had laughed and said that he’d seen it in the theater when it was new. Buffy felt silly, having forgotten how old he was, but he pulled her a little closer and kissed her below the ear. As she sipped her wine and watched the movie, Spike was affectionate in small doses. A quick kiss to her cheek, or the side of her neck, his fingers drifting along her arm, or he would play with her hair and the longer they were there the more relaxed she became.

When the credits rolled, Buffy was almost sorry that it was over. Spike removed his arm and took her glass away from her, setting it alongside his on the table. Standing he took her hand and led her upstairs. The closer they got to his bedroom, the more nervous she became. Just as she was about to run, he stopped her at the foot of his bed.

“Stay here,” he instructed, walking down the hall to the bathroom.

Buffy could hear him rummaging around and was curious about what he was doing so she let the moment of retreat disappear. Her eyes widened when he returned and spread two large beach towels across the bed. And when she saw the bottle of massage oil stuck in his pocket, a large smile graced her face.

“No pressure,” he said. And she believed him when he shut the bedroom door. If Angel came home he would leave them alone. It was what she wanted and needed. She jumped a little at Spike standing behind her. He hooked his fingers in the straps of her gown and lowered it down her arms. Closing her eyes she allowed it to pool at her feet. “Go, lie on your stomach,” he whispered, right there in her ear.

Relief flooded through her that he wasn’t asking her to remove her panties yet and she crawled on to the bed. She could hear him removing his shoes and clothes as she lay on her stomach. But when he crawled onto the bed, with his knees on either side of her legs she could still feel the denim that covered him and she sighed. He was doing everything to make her feel safe and Buffy realized that she was falling in love with him all over again.

“Now, just relax and let me do all the work.”

The scent of magnolias filled the room as he rubbed the oil between his hands to heat it up. Spike started with her feet, rubbing them and pushing on the pressure points. Her body was melting as he massaged each calf, working his way along her thighs. He ignored her bottom, his hands never wandering anywhere that might be misconstrued as sexual. However, a finger was lazily dragged along her spine but she only smiled. And he must have caught that because that spot between her shoulder blades was laved by his rough, wet tongue sending shivers straight to her center. Then he was all business as he kneaded and molded her flesh, sensuously undoing each knot, starting at her waist and ending at her shoulders. By the time her muscles were completely loose she was ready to purr from the heat he was creating. His hands drifted along her arms, spreading them out as his fingers entwined with hers and she could feel his chest just a hairbreadth away from her back. All she had to do was breath deep and they would meet. She was a millisecond away from doing that when he was gone leaving her skin cold and needy.

Opening her eyes she looked for him. He hadn’t gone far. He was still on the bed, kneeling above her, a knee planted on either side of her legs.

“Turn over, Pet,”

Already falling under his seductive spell, Buffy wanted to see where this was going. Her body was needy and yearning for the completion that only Spike could bring to her. With a smile she did as he requested and found herself enjoying the hungry gaze he cast over her bare flesh.

“Take your panties off.”

Without a flicker of doubt she lifted her hips and pulled them down her legs. At her knees he took over, crawling backwards as he pulled them down her legs. Spike dropped them on the floor and waited at the foot of the bed. He tilted his head asking in silence for permission to join her.

Buffy nodded.

Spike knelt on the foot of the bed, a knee on either side of her feet.

“It’s what you want and how far you want to take it,” he said. “No matter how far it’s gone, all you have to do is say no and it stops.”

Buffy nodded again.

Never taking his eyes from hers, Spike reached down and slid his hand under her left calf to move her leg on the outside of his. His fingers glided down her leg, encased her foot and tickled the sole before releasing it. His other hand reached down to repeat the motion with her right leg until she was spread out before him. Licking her lips, she let her hand slide up her thigh to settle between her legs. She watched in fascination as his eyes shuttered and a frown crossed his face at her action. Releasing a giggle at his response and unable to resist teasing him, she opened herself up even more.

Graceful as ever, he shifted his hands until they were on the bed, his blue eyes holding a lock on hers again; he crawled, slow and easy towards her until his face was above where her hand rested.

“May I?” Spike asked, gesturing downwards. “You’re overwhelming me with the smell of your desire. I’ll make it all better.”

“Please.” Buffy answered, moving her hand to rest on the bed beside her.

Crouching down he licked her from one end to the other. She shivered at the familiar feeling but as his fingers moved to spread her open, Buffy froze.

“No fingers,” she whispered.

And the fingers were instantly gone. Buffy glanced down as Spike settled between her legs. His hands tucked under his chest. She closed her eyes and let his tongue work its magic on her. Spike licked along the center in long strokes, short strokes at her opening and rapid flicks on her clit. He played her like a memorized song, the tune varying from a slow ballad to an out of control rock tune until she was moaning to his beat. Her hips surged upwards to bring him closer to her need and his lips surrounded her swollen nubbin. Teeth nibbled, oh so carefully, sending her upwards, hands grasping the bed beside her, until she exploded, calling out his name.

All Buffy could do was pant and turn a glassy stare to her lover. Spike settled onto his back beside her and she rolled to her side and rested her hand on his arm.

“Thank you,” she said.

Spike laughed, turning his head to look at her. He winked and made her smile. “So…?” His head gestured downwards at his cock straining for release from his jeans. “I said it was up to you and it is but it would be nice about now.”

“Pig.”

His hand tangled in her hair, messing it up, and she pulled away from him. Buffy sat back and let him think that she couldn’t decide if she could or not.

“Its okay, Love,” Spike said, closing his eyes and flinging an arm over his eyes.

Stifling a giggle, Buffy carefully undid his button and zipper. Spike quickly shucked his jeans off and lay back down. Once again Buffy contemplated her next move, finally decided to just go for it and wrapped her hand around his erection, moving it up and down along its length, until Spike caught his lower lip between his teeth.

Copying his earlier movements she crawled over him until she was above where her hand had been.

“So, hand, blow or fuck?”

The arm moved and his eyes scrutinized her to see if she was serious or teasing him.

“Whatever you want,” Spike finally answered. “This is about you.”

“It includes you.”

Spike lips turned up giving her an indulgent and caring smile. “Next time my choice but if you insist, well…if you don’t hurry up and sink your sweet pussy down on my cock, I might have to beat you.”

“Yeah, like you could.” Buffy challenged as she covered him in one motion and in the next he was completely sheathed in her heat.

They both sighed in that first moment of being joined again. Their gazes locked and she began to move on him. The rise and fall of her body was relaxed in the first moments but quickly became rapid and needful as they felt their bodies and spirits realign with their joining. There was no easy quest for fulfillment but an overwhelming race to climaxes. Buffy shifted so that she was grinding her clit against him with each downward movement and her cry of bliss sent him over the edge. She collapsed against him and he held her while she came down from the star she had found.

All the fear and demons she had been harboring had been vanquished by their lovemaking. Spike’s gentleness and patience had given her all the security she needed to take back her womanhood.

“I love you so much,” Buffy whispered, and kissed his chest, smoothing it out with a brief brush of her fingertips.

“Love you, too.” Spike said. “Angel’s home. I heard him come in a few minutes ago.”

“Do you want to go and find him? And before you ask what I want, I do want to find him.”

Spike agreed and together they rose from the bed and not bothering with clothes they hurried downstairs to find their mate. Spike held her hand and at the bottom of the stairs hesitated a moment before turning back and whispering that Angel was in the kitchen. Like naughty children with much giggling and shushing, they tip-toed across the living room to hide in Angel’s room so they could surprise him when he came to bed.

Leaning against the counter and sipping blood, Angel flipped through one of Buffy’s magazines left on the table. An article made him stop to read and he smiled at the suggestions of ‘The 100 Ways to Please Your Boyfriend’,

“Done that, boring, who made up this crap, and if he did that I’d kick him out of the bed,” were all comments he made on his way through the list.

Angel lifted his head when he heard his mates, giggling, well, Buffy giggled and Spike shushed her as they made their way through the living room. He smiled at the sound, relieved that Buffy seemed happy. A familiar scent tickled his nose and his smile became a grin. It seemed that Buffy was more than happy and with suggestion #76 in mind, he repacked the grocery bag that he had unpacked a few minutes ago and headed for his room.

“I wonder who’s been sleeping in my bed,” Angel sang, coming through the door, and pounced when he heard the rustle of the sheets. They both shrieked as he landed on them and wiggled his way between. “So, what are you two up to in my bed and naked by the way?”

Buffy reached over and turned the lamp on, trying to look completely innocent and failing miserably. She spotted the grocery bag on the end of the bed and her eyes lit up.

“Presents?” Buffy asked.

“If you want.”

Nodding she crawled her way to the end of the bed, presenting her backsides to her mates, neither of which could resist smacking.

“Stop that,” Buffy whined, flipping so she was kneeling and giving them even more to view. “Oh my God, I love this stuff. Willow and Xander and I would eat this stuff right out of the can.” She said, pulling out the can of whipped cream. “Of course we’d be sick but this is so good.” After shaking the can she squirted some in her mouth.

“Chocolate sauce?” Spike asked, sorting through the rest of the bag. “What is this stuff for?”

“Well, the original intention was for you two to make sundaes with.” Angel explained, opening his mouth obediently for Buffy to share the whipped cream. After swallowing, he continued, “But knowing the two of you, well…”

“Open up, Spike,” Buffy said, holding the can in front of him.

Angel knew what was coming but didn’t say anything. Watching the two of them play felt good after what they had been through. And he had to laugh as Buffy fell for it, as she filled Spike’s mouth with the fluffy white confection, Spike squirted chocolate sauce over her breasts. Buffy sputtered for a moment before retaliating. As his mates proceeded to cover each other with the sticky substances, Angel crawled closer to the headboard, trying to stay out of the line of fire.

It didn’t take the two long to completely cover the other, both of them were laughing, and their covering turned to licking and their mate couldn’t help himself. Angel pulled the jar of maraschino cherries out of the bag and opened them. When Spike pushed Buffy on her back, Angel started flicking the little red fruits at them.