Mistletoe
Xander was nervous.
His stomach clenched as he
pulled his car to the curb in front of their house. Buffy and Spike’s suburban
dream which was actually an old rooming house they were slowly renovating.
Spike had been back for almost two years and for the last year he’d been at
Buffy’s side constantly. It wasn’t them though that he was nervous about
seeing. He was a frequent visitor to the old rambling house and somewhere in
those visits he’d made peace with the vampire.
The house was lit up with
Christmas decorations. Buffy’s idea. She’d missed out on so many times that
should have been filled with celebrations and was making up for what had been
lost with a vengeance. Lights were strung along the eaves of the house and the
lawn was dotted with illuminated Santa’s and Snowmen.
Somewhere among all that gaiety
was the cause of his palms sweating, his churning stomach and the questioning
of his worth as a man. It had been so long since Anya had died; so much time
and so many tears that had finally been shed after weeks of being bottled up.
It was only when his grief had begun to abate did the other feeling start to
surface leaving him confused.
Giving a deep sigh, Xander
forced himself from the car and to walk up to the front door decorated with a
wreath that covered half the surface. He knocked softly, almost hoping no one
would grant him entrance and he could leave. Of course, his wish didn’t come
true and the door was quickly flung open by a giddy ex-Slayer. Buffy enveloped
him in a hug that reached only as far as her enormous stomach would allow.
Spike had fathered a child leaving the couple humbled by the miracle they were
granted.
“About damn time you got
here,” Buffy scolded, stepping back and pulling him into the warmth of the
house at the same time. “I expected you hours ago.”
“Sorry,” Xander said,
shrugging his shoulders and giving his patented ‘I’m a goof’ grin.
He sighed though when he saw
the compassion in the depths of his best friend’s eyes. She knew and
sympathized but wouldn’t embarrass him with all the reason’s his dream would
never be his. Xander was resigned to being alone because he was unwilling to
ever give his heart again. It hurt too much.
“Come on in,” Buffy said,
waddling in front of him and into the crush of people crowding her living room
for her Christmas Eve party.
Instantly he was greeted by
half a dozen people. Angel and the
Xander glanced around but
still didn’t see the object of his anxiety. Relaxing in his momentary reprieve he
took a long swig of his beer before making his way over to where
“Hey Xander,”
His childhood friend and
Kennedy had flown in for the holiday two days ago but this was the first time
he’d seen them. He’d deliberately stayed away because he knew that here in this
house his heart would be broken again. And he wanted to put the pain off for as
long as possible.
“I missed you too,” Xander
said honestly and held onto
It was when he stepped back
that he was finally confronted with the source of his reluctance to be there.
Everyone in the room seemed to part as they grew silent in anticipation of what
would happen next. He saw her standing there. No longer the awkward, unsure
teenager she’d once been but the woman that was always promised.
Dawn.
It had been five years since
he’d seen her. They’d exchanged emails occasionally and he would receive news
of her from the others but there’d been no real contact between them. Dawn had
taken off for school after the battle with the First. She said she needed calm,
not chaos and had stayed away from the changes they had all undergone. It was
only now that there was a home and stability to return to had she even come
home for a visit.
“Watch out, Dawnie,” Andrew
crowed. “You’re standing under the mistletoe.”
The telltale red flush of
mortification filled her face and she quickly stepped away. Her eyes darted to
his before she became lost in the throng of the people as she made her escape
into the hall. Xander heard a cluck of sympathy and unable to stand it he also
made his escape. The beer was left on a table as he hurried to the back of the
house, into Spike’s study and out into the garden. Tears threatened and he
blinked them back unable to bear to have his shame so open for scrutiny. His
hand covered his face as he felt the deep burn of the unreturned love he had
for Buffy’s sister. He’d been horrified at the feelings he found he had for the
girl but knew that he never would have acted on them. Never would he have done
anything to hurt Dawn. Nor would he now. He needed to
leave. Let her have her holiday at home and he would visit with his friends
after she’d returned to
“Xander?” Dawn said, laying
a hand on his back. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he lied,
wishing that he could greet her with all the love he held. She was so beautiful
and he ached to touch her but knew he couldn’t. He shoved his hands in his
pockets. “It’s good to see you. Are you glad to be home?”
“It’s not home. It never
will be home.”
She sounded so bitter. So
old.
“It’s a home though,” Xander
said. “Buffy and Spike are…”
“It’s their home,” Dawn said
quietly. “I’ll always be a visitor.” She started to walk and he willingly
followed. “Don’t get me wrong. I don’t begrudge them their happiness but I
don’t belong here. When they’re together everyone else is shut out.”
“I know.”
In the middle of the garden
was a small gazebo that Buffy and Spike often retreated to. There was a
timeless feel that was almost magical in the small round building. At night you
could hear the musical tinkling of the brook that ran along the back of their
property. The air was filled with the scent of the flowers that grew in the
garden including the sweetness of roses.
Dawn sat on the bench and
tucked her feet under her. She studied him with an interest that caused the
hair on the back of his neck stand up. Unsure he sat across from her and stared
down at his hands clasped in front of him.
“Are you happy, Xander?” At
the slight shaking of his head, she tilted her head. “Could you be?”
He laughed. Yeah, he could
be happy again but he couldn’t tell her so he remained silent. She sighed and
turned her eyes to the landscape around them.
“I’ve been miserable,” Dawn
said. Her voice was whispery in the stillness of the night. “Nothing has been
right since that day. I feel adrift in a world that has no need of me. The only
thing that gave me purpose once killed my sister.” She chuckled and returned to
look at him. “My life was fucked up and it’s something that I can’t share with
anyone that I know now. I’m a fraud living a life that isn’t mine.”
“We saved the world.”
Their eyes locked as she
fought some inner war until she looked away with the shimmer of tears in her
eyes.
“And we destroyed everything
we were. We were all in such a god awful hurry to be free of our
responsibilities we forgot each other. I wonder sometimes if it was worth it.”
Xander reached across the
expanse that divided them and grasped her hand.
“You’re home now, Dawn. It’s
a new beginning.”
“I have no place to belong.
I’m still the forgotten one.”
Anger coursed through him
and he stood so that he could turn his back on her. He thought that maybe over
the years she would have grown out of being so self-absorbed. He took a deep
breath.
“You’ve never been forgotten
and if you think you have than you need to talk to the people up there,” he nodded
his head toward the house. “Not a day has gone by that you weren’t mentioned or
missed.”
“And did you?”
“Did I what?”
“Miss me?”
He bit his lower lip to keep
from saying how much and looked down at his shoes. How could he answer without
making her more uncomfortable? Without making a scene that would leave them
forever distanced. Eventually he hoped they could become friends again.
“Turn around, Xander,” Dawn
commanded, tugging his hand from his pocket.
Knowing he couldn’t refuse
her, he turned to face her. His brows knitted in confusion when he saw the grin
on her face. Mischievous was the only explanation he could give for the way her
eyes were lit up. She was almost dancing in front of him when he noticed that
one hand was held up. Hanging from her fingers was the mistletoe.
“What’s going on?” Xander
asked, afraid to hope but too curious to run.
“If you need me to tell you
what to do under the mistletoe then you’ve been alone for too long.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you too,”
Dawn said, stepping closer to him. “I confessed to Buffy about how I felt and
she told me it was time to come home.”
“But…”
His guilt filled
protestations were silenced by the feel of her lips against his mouth. Shock
prevented him from responding for a moment but the feel of her tongue lapping
at him so he would open his mouth galvanized him into action. He groaned,
wrapping his arm around her and pulled her closer. Her slim body that had grown
even taller seemed to fit so neatly against his frame. They both froze for a moment
as they bumped into one another and chills ran through his body. She was a
woman that wanted him and he pulled her closer even as her arms wound around
his neck.
It took them few seconds for
their bodies to adjust to the rhythm of the one they were holding. Then they
exploded in long pent up need. Xander pushed her up against the center post,
tilting her head back so he could freely plunder her mouth. She was sweetness,
goodness and this was the fulfillment of years of longing.
They broke apart to catch a
breath and he stared into green eyes so close that they seemed to be a part of
him. A smile still graced her face as she stared up at him.
“Merry Christmas, Xander,”
She whispered, nuzzling his neck with lips that were warmed by their activities
of a few moments ago.
“Merry Christmas to you,
too,” Xander whispered back. “I’m never
going to let you go, you know?”
“Better not.”
It had been too long and
they met each half way for a kiss that left them shaking. So, lost in the love
they’d found they didn’t hear the giggle of a matchmaking Slayer and her
vampire.
~~~The End~~~
