Title: The Need For Love

Author: Mrs Muir

Rating: NC-17

Summary: This story was not written for titillation but to show the depth of human need. I needed to write this story for me. Warning it does contain unpleasant sexual scene and character death. Very Dark.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox and Joss Whedon.

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Dawn was woken by the sounds of her sister and Willow prodding Xander down the hall. Xander had been going to talk to Anya again tonight. Once again she must have pushed him away. Rolling over and bunching her pillow up under her head Dawn made herself more comfortable. She couldn't understand why Anya kept turning Xander away. If she were older she would have made him forget all about the demon. But she wasn't so she lay in her bed and listened.

"Come on Xander get into the bed." Buffy coaxed her friend. If he just could sleep this off they could talk things over in the morning.

Xander collapsed onto Willow's bed. Rubbing his hand over his eyes in an effort to stop the world from swirling anymore.

"I'm sorry you guys. I'm sorry. This is it she's not coming back to me." Xander told his friends slurring his words. He had taken to the bottle tonight in an effort to ease the pain. No matter what he did Anya wasn't coming back to him and getting drunk had only made him feel worse.

Willow sat on the edge of the bed and took his hand away from his face. She reached out to move his hair out of his eyes. When she had suggested that Xander try one more time this wasn't what she wanted to happen. Xander loved the girl with all of his heart and knew how wrong he was to break off their wedding. But Anya remained steadfast in her refusal to take the boy back.

Willow covered Xander with a blanket when he had fallen asleep and slipped from the room. Buffy had left the room ahead of her and was now opening the door to Dawn's room. After checking to make sure her sister was asleep she pulled the door to and turned to face her friend again.

"Well, it seems she slept through everything." Buffy told the redhead. "Do you think he'll be okay for the rest of the night?"

"Yeah, he's pretty much passed out. With the amount he drank I don't think he'll be doing much tonight." Willow answered her.

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Dawn waited in her room until Buffy had gone to her room and Willow had gone to sleep on the couch downstairs. After awhile the only sounds in the house was the usual night noises. It was then that she slipped from her bed and headed for the bathroom. She turned the light on and closed the door. That way if Buffy woke up she would think she was using the toilet. Dawn tiptoed to the other door leading to Willow's room. After she opened it slowly she glanced into the room to see if Xander was asleep.

She started to take a step into the room but then she heard a noise coming from the bed. He was crying. In great loud sobs as if his heart was breaking. Dawn quickly moved back into the bathroom before he could spot her. She went to the mirror and looked at herself. She hated being sixteen and seen as everyone's kid sister. Her heart could feel Xander's pain because that is how she felt when he didn't notice her. Then an idea came to her of how she could make Xander feel better.

Closing her eyes she said the words to the incantation that Willow had taught her. She opened her eyes and looked into the mirror. A smile crossed her face because her glamour spell had worked. The face looking back at her was now Anya's.

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She stood over the bed and looked down at the heart broken man.

"Xander, I'm here." Dawn whispered. Then when he didn't respond she sat on the edge of the bed. Reaching out she touched his shoulder gently.

He turned to her in surprise. Anya was here. Somehow she must have changed her mind. Sitting up he pulled her to him in a rib-crushing hug.

"Anya, Thank God you're here. I can't believe it. I love you so much." He repeated over and over to the woman he held in his arms.

Just glad that he was holding her Dawn encircled him with her arms. He smelled like Xander and whiskey. It was both a comforting and exciting smell. It was a smell that belonged to a man, not like the boys that she knew. Realizing that this was probably not a good idea, she told herself that she would just get him back to sleep.

But he pulled back leaning his forehead against hers. "I am so happy right now. Don't ever leave me again, please."

He started to kiss her in quick succession. Dawn tried to kiss him back but she wasn't sure what to do. She had only kissed two boys and one didn't really count since he was a vampire. Then Xander started to kiss her, slowly rubbing his lips against hers, his tongue prodding at her lips in an effort to open them. She sighed against him and opened her mouth. This was like nothing she had done before. It felt good and she slowly started to rub her tongue against his. Her hands started to caress his back involuntarily. She knew that she should leave but Xander was kissing her. As long as it was just kissing she would stay.

He pulled away from her and lay back across the bed. He tugged at her until she was on top of him. His hands tangled in her hair and pulled her forward in another searing kiss. It was still just kissing so this was still okay. His hands moved away from her waist down to cup her buttocks. Then he slowly started to knead them. Dawn groaned. Feelings and sensations that she had never felt were coursing through her body. She didn't want this end.

Pushing at her Xander rolled her onto her back. Warning signals went off in Dawn's brain that she should get out of here. Then his mouth started to suckle her breast through her nightshirt and she arched up and gasped at the feeling.

"Oh, my god." She gulped out and dug her fingers into his back. He pulled his mouth away and smiled up at her. Then she remembered she was Anya to him. She started to push him off of her but he kissed her again. She ran her fingers up his back and into his hair. If only this was real. If only he knew that it was Dawn and that he wanted her.

She felt his hand running under her nightshirt. His fingers moved between her legs. Caressing her over her panties while the heel of hand rubbed her at the top of her mound. She could feel herself becoming wet desiring something that she wasn't sure of.

"Xander!" Dawn cried out when she realized that he was tugging her underwear down. His head came down and he kissed her at the apex of her thighs. Then smiled up at her as he knelt on the bed and finished pulling her panties off. She started to sit up and leave, but he wrapped his hand around the back of Dawn's neck and pulled her toward him in another kiss. She was lost again and forgot that she really needed to get out of there. Somehow during the kiss they had ended up lying down again and he was moving to lie between her legs. Holding himself up he broke the kiss off and looked down into her eyes.

"This is the greatest gift you could give me. Coming to me like this. I thought I would never hold you again." Xander whispered to her.

Tears formed in Dawn's eyes and she pulled him down for another kiss. All of a sudden it didn't matter that he saw Anya. This moment was hers. She moved her legs apart to allow him better access. Then he pushed into her tight warmth. Oblivious to the barrier he broke through it without any gentleness. As he settled into her heat he chose the harder rhythm that Anya preferred.

As her virginity was taken Dawn bit down on her lip to keep from crying out. The pain was so intense it felt like she was being torn in two. All the sensations of pleasure were gone as moved over her. The sounds of their flesh slapping together echoed around her. His sweat covered her. She didn't understand what had happened. It had felt so good a few minutes ago. Now she wondered how long before this would be over. The whole bed rocked with the motion of his thrusts. She prayed to herself that Buffy wouldn't hear the sounds and come to find them. This wasn't what she had wanted. She had just wanted to feel loved.

Finally after what seemed like forever he groaned and shuddered. He pulled his now limp penis from her and rolled over to lie next to her. He pulled her into his arms and whispered his love and appreciation for Anya.

As soon as he was asleep again she crawled from the bed. Her body ached all over. She could feel her blood and juices mixed with his cum running down the inside of her thighs. A hot bath would be so good but it would wake Buffy up so she stood at the sink and cleaned herself up as much as she could.

She whispered the incantation to turn herself back to Dawn then went to crawl into her bed.

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It had been six weeks since that night. Xander had woken up puking all over the bed and the floor before Buffy had gotten him over the toilet. So, any evidence of the encounter had been covered up in the middle of the mess. Dawn overheard him telling Buffy and Willow of the wonderful dream he had had of Anya returning to him. No one but Dawn knew of what had happened that night. .

Buffy kept looking at her and asking what was wrong. But her sister was definitely the one person she couldn't tell. Finally she broke down and told Janice. More out of necessity than emotional unloading. And even then she didn't tell who it was. She needed somewhere to take the test. Her house was out of the question with Buffy and Willow constantly watching her.

She sat on the toilet and Janice sat on the edge of tub while they waited for the stick to seal her fate or erase the last fears from her mind. Neither girl said a word. When it was time Dawn looked away from the stick making her friend read her results.

"Dawn, I'm sorry, Oh God I'm sorry it's positive." Her friend told her reaching out her arms to catch Dawn as she collapsed in tears. They rocked together until Dawn could pull herself together. Then they talked. Janice told her of a place in LA that could take of 'it'. She just needed to come up with money. Dawn knew she couldn't get it from home. Things were too tight. She couldn't ask Spike he would just tell Buffy. That left only one place.

Xander was at home alone watching some game on TV when he heard a tentative knock on the door. He stood and headed for door wondering who would be visiting him.

He stared down at Dawn standing in his doorway. She looked scared and hurt.

"Dawn, come in." Gesturing for her to enter he stepped back to give her room."Are you okay? You're not looking too good."

"I need to talk to you. Can we sit?" She asked heading into the living room.

"Of course, umm, do you want something to drink? Or eat?" Xander asked her. He was worried about Dawn too. Buffy had told him how she had been spending a lot of time in her room alone. And that she had caught her crying a couple of times. Maybe some boy was breaking her heart and she needed a guy's opinion. Yeah, that had to be why she was here.

"No, I'm fine" Dawn sat on the edge of the couch nervously playing with hem of her skirt.

Xander sat next to her angling himself so that he was facing her with an arm draped across the back of the couch.

"You don't look fine. Talk to me and maybe we can come up with something that will make you feel better." He felt good that Dawn would trust him to help her out. Maybe she still had a crush on him. Lord knew that he needed an ego boost right now.

"I need to borrow money a lot of money." She said in a rush. "Please don't ask me what for."

Xander sat up a little straighter looking at the young girl in front of him. She was looking out the window trying not to cry. He reached a hand to touch her shoulder but she pulled away from him scooting further away on the couch. Pulling back his hand he let it drop on his lap. Whatever was going on Dawn was in deep.

"Dawn first you are going to have to tell what you need it for. It has got be something bad otherwise you would have gone to the girls." He told her as calmly as possible. There was no way he was just going to hand her cash and let her leave. Buffy would kill him if he didn't take care of her.

Dawn started to sob and said something through her tears that Xander couldn't understand. Then she turned and crawled over to him curling herself into his side as the tears took control. He wrapped his arms around and whispered sounds of encouragement to her. That he was there for her and he would be her friend no matter what happened or what she had done. Then she told him that she needed it for an abortion and he froze. A white anger went through him that some guy would do that to Dawn. Apparently the jerk had abandoned her when he found out.

"You need to talk to Buffy. You can't make this decision on your own. And you need to make the father responsible." He was trying not to take his anger out on the girl but at this moment he wanted to rip something apart with his bare hands.

Dawn pulled away from him and went back to sit on the other side of the couch She then reminded him of the night he was drunk, of the dream he had of Anya. And of the spell that she had cast. Then she told him the baby was his.

The world around him started to whirl and he felt the bile rising up. He stared at her as the emotions went through. Anger. Betrayal. Hurt. Fear.

But Dawn wasn't finished with him yet. She told him that if he didn't give her the money and help she would tell Buffy that he had come to her room that night. That he had forced her in his drunken state.

At this Xander lost the fight and headed for the bathroom. He knew that Buffy would believe Dawn. Even in the truth he was still the adult and Dawn was a minor. He was the loser in Dawn's attempts to comfort him and wanting to be with him. And he was also backed into a corner. What choice did he have but to help the girl?

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Xander parked his car in the Summer's driveway. Willow and Buffy were still out on their all day school event. He walked around the car to help Dawn from the car. From the time that he had picked her up earlier she wouldn't even look at him much less talk to him. After they got inside Xander made her take the pills that the clinic had given her.

Throughout the rest of the afternoon he checked on Dawn periodically. But she remained sleeping. He stood and watched her at one point. Maybe he should have just told everyone the truth. Gone to Buffy without telling Dawn. Offered to marry her, raise the child himself, anything but this. But everytime he had offered alternatives she had become hysterical. She had screamed at him that she wanted all it to go away. She would have him thrown in jail or kill herself if she didn't have her way. So, he let his fear lead the way and gave in to her. Now hopefully the nightmare was over and they could both learn to forget.

"I'm sorry Xander.' Dawn had awoken to find him watching over her. She really did feel bad about using him and hurting him. All she had wanted was to feel loved for a little while like Xander loved Anya. Like Tara and Willow had loved each other. Like Spike loved Buffy. She realized now that she was too young. That's why she had insisted on this way. She wanted to be able to just forget. To go back to being a high school kid. This stuff was way to old for her.

Xander came over to kiss Dawn on her forehead and pulled the blanket up to cover her. "I'm sorry too. I love you." He told the hurting teen.

She snuggled further down into the bed and went back to sleep. Xander made his way downstairs to wait for Buffy and Willow to return.

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When the pair returned home he told them that Dawn had called him saying she wasn't feeling well. So he had come over to make sure she was okay. Buffy went upstairs to check on her. Dawn reassured that she was just feeling crampy and that she just wanted to sleep.

After coming back downstairs she and Willow convinced Xander to stay with them for pizza.

"You've been really alone man lately. You're getting as moody as Dawn." Willow told her friend. He just hadn't been coming around lately. And when she called he didn't want to talk. After all he had done for her she wanted him to be able to confide in her.

As they were sitting around eating dinner Willow and Buffy talked about the lecture they had gone to at the school. Xander just listened to them and picked at his food. He just wanted to go home and be able to give into the emotions running through him.

Then a scream came from upstairs. "Buffy!" Dawn was calling for her sister. Buffy ran up the stairs with Willow and Xander behind her.

Dawn's bed was covered in blood and she was crying in pain. Buffy ran to her side as Willow ran for the phone. Xander stood in shock.

The two girls did what they could for Dawn until the paramedics arrived. But nothing seemed to help. Dawn just whimpered in her fear and pain.

Xander had gone down to let the paramedics in. It seemed that he was forever doing this. As soon as they reached the girl's room they started asking question. Was she healthy? Did she have any former female problems? Ever suffer from abnormal periods? Did she recently have an abortion?

"No, of course not. She's only sixteen." Buffy emphatically told the medical workers.

The two paramedics looked at each other as they loaded Dawn onto the gurney. The three followed them down the stairs and out toward the ambulance. They refused to let Buffy ride with them. They told her they needed room to work on the patient.

Xander drove his friends to the hospital. The fear for Dawn was choking him making it hard for him to breath. He glanced over at Buffy but she was holding onto Willow with all that she had. This couldn't be happening to Dawn.

At the hospital they were directed toward a waiting room. They were told that everything was being done for Dawn that could be done and a doctor would be with them as soon as possible. Xander and Willow sat on both sides of Buffy trying to help her hold it together. Time seemed to drag by and the three friends remained locked together in hope that everything would be okay.

"Miss Summers" The doctor stood in front of them.

Buffy stood and looked at the doctor with hope.

"I'm sorry to tell you that your sister didn't make it. Her uterus was perforated and she was bleeding internally for hours before the vaginal hemorrhage started." He explained to Buffy.

"How?" Buffy managed to get out as the shock of the news started to get to her.

"It happened from a botched abortion. I'm very sorry." He told her before leaving them. Someone would be along shortly to take them into her.

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Buffy was going through Dawn's room with a vengeance. She knew that Dawn kept a journal and when she found out whom it was she was going to kill them. Willow kept trying to calm her down but there was no stopping her. Finally at the back of her closet she found a lock box, which she quickly broke with her Slayer strength. Papers and Dawn's journal fell at her feet. Rummaging through them she found what she was searching through. A receipt from the clinic with the credit card stub attached. The credit card belonged to Xander Harris.

The whole world fell apart around her at her friend's betrayal. Willow looked over her shoulder and gasped at the information. Buffy headed down stairs to confront Xander. Red blinding anger had taken control by the time she reached him.

"Was it your baby? Did you fuck my sister?" She spat at Xander.

Yanking him from the couch she threw him against the glass doors. He slumped to the floor. He started to sob as his world finished falling apart. Buffy started punching him screaming at him for hurting Dawn.

Xander kept trying to tell her that he didn't know that it was Dawn. That he thought it was Anya. He was too drunk to know. That he would never willingly hurt Dawn.

But Buffy was too blinded by grief for his words to even register with her. He never tried to defend himself. He just lay on the floor and let her beat him.

Then it stopped as Buffy was pulled from him. Xander looked up to see who had arrived. It was Spike He wrapped his arms around her so that she couldn't reach Xander.

"I don't know what this is about but you had better scram before she kills ya." Spike told the beaten young man.

"He should die is what this is about." She screamed struggling to get free from Spike's grasp. "Spike let go of me. The son of a bitch deserves to die."

"What did the whelp do, Pet? Told ya that outfit didn't look good." Spike joked with Buffy while keeping his hold on her so that Xander could get away.

Buffy brought her foot down on Spike's instep causing him to release her. She swung around to face the vampire.

"Do you want to know what he did? Do you?" She spit out. " He fucked Dawn, got her pregnant, forced her to have an abortion which in turn killed her. Did you hear? Are you laughing now? Dawn is dead because of Xander."

Spike took a step back as the force of Buffy's words hit him. Then a murderous rage took over him. He changed to his vamp face. No pain on earth would keep him from torturing and killing the young man he had just saved from Buffy.

Looking down at Buffy he said in a deadly tone, "After you." He said gesturing toward the door. But as they turned to leave Willow stopped them. She was coming down the stairs holding Dawn's diary.

"You guys, it wasn't Xander's fault." Willow told the disbelieving pair. Handing the diary to Buffy she said, "It's all here. Read it before you go after Xander. After all these years he deserves a little benefit of the doubt."

Snatching the book from her hands Buffy sat on the stairs and started to read. She read of her sister's love for her friend. Of the spell she had wrought and even the threat of saying it was rape. The last entry was from last night when she spoke of her fear and her wish that there was fairy tales so that Xander would whisk her away and they would live happily every after. She read of her wish to still be a protected little girl but yet of wanting to be loved in a grown up way.

Spike and Willow came to sit beside of her while she cried for her little sister's lost dreams.

"Buffy, I think you need to go talk to Xander. At least hear him out." Willow knew that there would probably never be any trust between her friends. But maybe some understanding could be reached.

"No, I can't go tonight." Buffy replied shaking her head then burying it in her hands.

"You need to go and talk to him tonight. He was pretty badly beaten emotionally and physically. If nothing else to make sure you didn't kill him." Spike knew that the longer she waited the worse it would be.

"Xander, let me in. We need to talk." Buffy yelled through the apartment door. They had been standing out here pounding on the door for what seemed forever.

"Ah, Bloody hell!" Spike pulled Buffy back and raised his foot to send it against the door. He broke through the lock on the first try. The door swung back forcefully and banged loudly against the wall behind it. And as the door started to swing back toward the three companions the sound of a single gunshot tore through the apartment.

They ran toward the bedroom. The sight made Buffy stop suddenly causing Spike to run into her. Willow came around from the back of the pair. She pushed aside Spike's hands that were trying to keep her from the room.

"Noooo!" Willow screamed collapsing on the floor.

Buffy stood and stared at the scene before her.

Xander's body lay across his bed a gun still clutched in his hand. Splattered across the room was pieces of his skill, brains and blood.

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