Chapter 20 – To Never Go Back
“What makes
you think that we would want anything from you?” Spike asked, dismissing the
girl who continued down the stairs toward them. He looked back at Angel who was
staring at Faith. His face was an unreadable mask. It made Spike uneasy because
he knew his mate did want something from the girl; something that could destroy
their family. “Sorry, we’re not
interested,” he added for emphasize but for the other two he had ceased to exist.
“What did
you have in mind, Faith?”
Buffy
always referred to Angel as her Angel, giving their mate a power that was
almost omnipotent in its context. It appeared that their mate had come to
believe that power was really his. He stood before Faith like a god waiting to
wield his judgment over her life. Spike snickered as he moved to stand closer
to his mate. The gesture was meant to remind his Sire that he was exactly that
and already sworn for life to others. The quick glance given him by Angel let
Spike know that he hadn’t been forgotten.
“Thin
walls, you know,” Faith said, attempting to cover up the fact that she had been
eavesdropping. Neither vampire commented as they waited for her suggestion that
was supposed to make all their lives better. “Look, the solution is easy. You
get me out of this murder rap they want to hang me with and I work LA. That
leaves you, Angel, free to baby-sit the kiddies.”
“Not
likely,” Spike scoffed. “And besides you’d be the one that needs babysitting.”
“At least I
don’t whine,” Faith said. Her eyes raked over Spike leaving no doubt that she
considered him to be nothing. “Oh, you never have time for me. Don’t you love
me anymore?”
Spike
lunged for her fully intending on breaking her neck. Totally forgotten in his
anger was his chip. It was only Angel’s arms around him that caught him before
he could set it off.
“Let me
go,” Spike yelled, struggling to free himself. “I’m going to kill her.”
“And cause
yourself great pain,” Angel said, holding him tight. “She’s not worth that.”
Spike
twisted a couple of more times for show before settling down. His Sire’s words
had been enough to relieve his anger. He wasn’t going to give Faith something
else to torment him with by letting her think he was submissive to his mate.
Spike knew that he would have gotten the release he needed if Buffy was there.
She would have gone after the other Slayer and he would have held their mate
back so that Faith could be taught the lesson she needed. And that was
something that Spike would enjoy watching.
“Going to
behave now?” Faith asked.
“Be quiet,”
Angel barked, stepping between the two. “Before I totally lose it with this
childish behavior why don’t you tell me why you want to help?”
If he
didn’t know better, Spike might have fallen for the look on Faith’s face. She
looked almost remorseful as she looked around the apartment. She spread her
arms out and shrugged before looking back at Angel.
“I can’t
undo what happened,” Faith said. “We’ve talked a lot these last couple of days.
There’s a part of you that believes in me despite your loyalty to them. I want
to believe, too. In prison I can’t do anything but sit there. If I’m out here,
I can help out. Try to make things right.”
For the
second time that night, Spike was hearing all the right words without believing
their sincerity. Angel did though or he wanted to. Faith was an unfinished
deed. Wesley had screwed up Angel’s last attempt to help the wayward Slayer. It
was something that had to be bothering his Sire on some level. His appointed
mission in life was to help people and the ones that he couldn’t help weighed
heavy on his soul. To have a second chance had to be tempting.
“How do we
know that you aren’t just going to take off when we’re not looking?” Spike
asked, deciding to support Angel instead of fighting what looked to be a battle
he couldn’t win. “I mean, we go through all this trouble to help you and then,
poof, you’re gone.”
“I don’t
know,” Faith said, “Except to tell you that I won’t.”
“You would
answer to not only me but to Spike and Buffy also,” Angel said, standing
straighter and shoving his hands in his pockets. “And you would have to work
with Cordelia and Doyle. There isn’t room for a loner in this family. We all
work and fight together.”
“I can do
it if they can.”
“Oh, come
on,” Spike exclaimed. “You’d take orders from Buffy…from me? You hate her, you try
to ignore that I exist and you want Angel. Do you think you can just go out and
buy humble? I’m not falling for that particular line.”
He got the
reaction he wanted as a flash of anger crossed Faith’s face. She wasn’t the
contrite individual she was trying to claim she was. Her admission of guilt was
gone in a second. The innocent expression returned before her eyes even hit the
floor. It was a great masquerade and Spike hoped that Angel had seen it.
“I agree
with Spike,” Angel said. “You’ve never been one to take orders. Buffy tried to
make you a part of the team in Sunnydale but you kept pushing them away. I know
that you’re hurting, Faith, and that you want to change but I won’t have this
family torn apart.”
“Why do you
keep saying family?” Faith asked. “I mean, I know why they all hover around
Buffy but when did you all decide you were family?”
“Buffy is
mated to me and Spike by blood ritual,” Angel said. “She became my family and
the others are a part of it by right of claim. You were correct that first
night when you were talking about a Slayer listening to a vampire. She is mine
and my voice is the one she obeys.”
“Or what?”
Faith asked.
“Something
you don’t want to know,” Spike said. His voice held all the quiet terror at the
remembered punishment at Angelus’ hand. A brief glimpse of fear from Faith’s
eyes and he knew his warning had hit home. The slight trembling of his body
from its own memories only added to the effect that he was frightened of
incurring that punishment again.
Spike
watched as Angel stepped closer to the girl. Towering over her petite frame his
Sire stared into her eyes. Faith swallowed as she tried to straighten up but
things had changed for her. The bravado she wore as a shield was wearing down
under Angel. A part of her had come to trust the vampire and now she was facing
a part of him she had only caught a glimpse of before.
“I told you
that I would help you…be here for you,” Angel said. “But in return I need your
loyalty.”
“And do you
want me to obey you, too?” Faith asked, tossing her hair over her shoulder.
“Like a dog on a leash or something?”
“Or
something,” Angel replied. “There is a ritual of magic and blood that would
link you to me. Under this I will always instinctively be able to find you and
if need be force you into following my orders. Agree to this and I’ll find a
way to get you out of the charges against you.”
“No way,”
Faith exclaimed, backing away. “I’m not going to be your little pet.”
“Well,
pet,” Spike said, deliberately insulting her. “It doesn’t seem like you have
much choice in the matter. It’s either giving full trust to Angel or going to
prison. I’m sure if you be a good little girl and do what you’re supposed to do
then you’ll have the freedom to do what you want.”
“He’s
right, Faith,” Angel said. “If you’re telling the truth then you have nothing
to worry about. I wouldn’t invoke the power unless you gave me a reason to.
It’s your life and your future to decide.”
Spike
wasn’t sure how strong the bond between the two already was. There was clearly
a silent conversation going on between the two as they stared at each other. He
would prefer the brunette going to prison and being out of their way but the
possibility that it would enable Angel to come home was enticing. The spell
that would be performed would make Faith little more than a slave to Angel if
he used the control that would be given him. It was never done to anyone that
would be considered worthy of being a mate. It was another sign that although
Angel might care and want the girl he wouldn’t ever love her.
It was up
to Faith. Spike sat down to wait the end of this. Faith was mulling over her
choices, occasionally casting glances his way, as she moved around the
apartment. Buffy crossed his mind and he wondered where she had gone to. Had
she headed home or was she still in
“Deal,”
Faith said.
“Good
choice,” Angel said. He nodded toward his bedroom. “We’ll talk in the morning.
Go ahead and sleep. Spike and I have unfinished business.”
With only a
nod to give her compliance, Faith headed for the other room. This time it was
the vampires who headed upstairs. The moment Spike stepped into Angel’s office
he strode to the window hoping to see Buffy coming back. She wasn’t there and
with a sigh he turned to Angel.
“I’m
worried about her,” Spike said.
Angel
joined him at the window to peer out into the pre-dawn light. “So, am I,
William, so am I.”
~~~~~~~~
The man
grunted his appreciation as Buffy catapulted into the fight. She leaped over
the trashcans so that she was behind the two vampires. Her movements confused
them long enough for them to be divided. Her frustration found its release as
she punched the being in front of her. A kick to his mid-section sent the
vampire flying into the wall. She took advantage of his dazed state sending him
bursting into a cloud of dust.
Buffy
turned to help take out the other vampire only to watch it also being
destroyed.
“Well, that
took care of that. Now, didn’t it?” the man said.
“Yes, it
did,” Buffy said, sensing something familiar about him. She stepped closer to
try and identify him but he stayed in the shadows. “Do I know you?”
He laughed
as he stepped forward into the light and even then it took her a moment longer
to recognize him.
“Oh, my
God, Wesley is that you?”
“Yes, it’s
me Buffy,” Wesley answered. “I certainly never thought that I would run into
you here of all places.”
“Angel has
a place here now…,” Buffy said. Her voice tapered off when she took in the rest
of her former Watcher. Gone was the bumbling prissy man that she and the others
used to make fun of. Instead before her stood a man with an air of confidence
with an added emphasize on man. He was rugged now from his unshaved face to
leather pants and all the way down to his snake skin boots. She licked her lips
unconsciously as she made her way back up to his face. She knew she’d been
caught when she saw his knowing smile. A blush covered her face and she looked
away.
“Really,
why is Angel living here now?”
“He…umm…the
Powers That Be kind of ordered him here,” Buffy explained, trying to regain her
equilibrium. “But he’s in Sunnydale as much as possible with me and Spike.”
“Spike and
you?” Wesley asked in confusion. “You surely don’t mean William the Bloody do
you?”
“A lot has
happened since you left,” Buffy said, walking from the alley. She sat on the
curb relieved that Wesley followed suit. He wasn’t exactly the kind that
inspired anyone to confide in him but he was the only one around for Buffy to
talk to. Maybe his attitudes had changed with his appearance. “Tell me what
you’ve been doing since graduation.” It seemed only polite to ask him before
she unloaded all her problems on his shoulders.
“I’ve been
spending my time looking for demons,” Wesley said. “Not much else other than
that. I’ve been doing a lot of traveling. So, tell me what’s been going on in
your life.”
“Did some
traveling too,” Buffy said. “I left home, went to
“You mean
the three of you are…well, to put this delicately are in a ménage a trois?”
“Yes.”
The
expression on Wesley’s face made Buffy smile. It was kind of fun to shock
someone with the news of her relationship to the vampires.
“What does
Giles have to say about this?”
“It’s my
life,” Buffy said quietly.
“I mean
how…Spike; does he have a soul also?”
Buffy shook
her head and sighed. She explained the chip to Wesley then moved on to the
spell that had freed Angel to love her. Slowly, encouraged by the Watcher’s
gentle questions and nonjudgmental manner, Buffy explained her life and the
problems she was currently facing.
“It would
appear that he was merging with Angelus into one personality,” Wesley said.
“Weren’t you warned that it might happen?”
All her
questions were answered with that one statement. Buffy wondered if that was one
of the things that her mates never got around to talking to her about. Fury
swept through her. How dare he know something so important and not tell her? He
could play with her emotions, manipulate her into doing what he wanted but yet
never utter one sentence that would clarify it all.
“Angelus
said something while we were performing the spell,” Buffy said, her eyes
narrowing. “He’s known all along and has just been playing me.”
“Buffy, if
Angel is aware of it then it would be safe to say that Spike would too, He knew
Angelus intimately and would recognize him.”
Tears ran
down her face at knowing that Spike had betrayed her also, He had tried to keep
her safe but he’d known. If they’d just told her it would have made everything
so much easier.
“How could
they hurt me like that?” Buffy cried. “He let me think that I was doing
something wrong.”
“May I
offer some advice?” Wesley asked, awkwardly patting her back. At her nod he
continued. “I doubt that either of them was intentionally trying to hurt you.
It would have been his Angelus personality that would have manipulated you. For
as long as I’ve known you, Buffy, your happiness and confidence depended on how
well your relationship with Angel was going. In the end you have only yourself
to count on and you need to quit letting him be the center of your world.”
“How can I
do that? He’s been there through everything. I don’t know how to do it.”
“What about
when you were in
Memories
washed over her. She’d been happy enough there. She’d felt freer than she ever
had and Angel had been an aching memory that had faded a little more with each
passing day. Since being back with him they’d fallen back into their old roles.
It didn’t have to be that way. The talk with Wesley and her earlier
introspection had made her want to take back control of her own life. She still
wanted to be with her mates but she didn’t want to be dependent upon them for
everything from her shelter to her happiness. It was time that things changed
for all of them.
“Thanks
Wesley,” Buffy said, smiling at him. “You made me remember and I know I can do
it. It seems the fates have brought us together tonight. So, since you helped
me I want to return the favor.”
“There’s no
need.”
“Sure there
is,” Buffy said. “I think we need you in the group again. Would you like to go
back with me; work with us?”
“I’m fine,
really,” Wesley said, standing. “It was good to see you.”
“Not so
fast,” Buffy said, standing also. “Do you have a place to go? A job?”
“Well, no…”
“Good you
do now,” Buffy said, smiling at him. “First assignment in your new position is
to get me back to Angel Investigations in one piece.”
“That I can
do,” Wesley said, capitulating with a smile.
The first
rays of sunlight stretched across the sidewalk and Buffy knew that the night
had taken with it the impossible weight of yesterday’s problems. There were
still going to be things to work out but for now she felt better than she had
in a long time.
She climbed
on the back of Wesley’s motorcycle for the ride back to her mates. Eager to see
them she smiled as they took off. Maybe she didn’t just have to wish anymore…
