Chapter 12
The sound of the shower woke Spike from his sleep. He rolled over onto his back, feeling the bed, and wishing Buffy was still beside him. The night before was a fluke, no more of a moment that should never had happened. Sighing he sat up, rubbing his face, and forced himself to push away any regrets.
It wasn’t easy, not when he was surrounded by her scent, the sound of her moving around in the bathroom, and her clothes strewn around the room. It was time for admitting truths, at least to himself even if he couldn’t tell Buffy he was still in love with her. Not when another woman wore his ring. He couldn’t respect himself or another relationship unless he ended the prior one, no matter where his heart lay.
Plus, Buffy wasn’t going to make it easy on him. He agreed that she should make it hard on him. He was a fool. It was one of those times a man has to admit he’d made some very wrong moves. There were a lot of things to clear up before he could attempt to woo Buffy again.
The bathroom door opened, making him look up. “Good morning.”
“Morning Spike,” Buffy said, reaching for a brush on the vanity. “What’s the plan for today?” She sounded almost too nonchalant as she began to pull the brush through her short hair.
“First an apology from me,” Spike mumbled, knowing he couldn’t wait anymore. It was time for him to tell some truths. “Could you come sit?”
“Sure,” she said, with a shrug.
Spike swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He gripped his knees, digging in with his fingers so tightly, he was sure he’d leave bruises. This was harder than he thought, and he was unsure of how to begin. Oh, he had a clue, but where he was now would make this task difficult because his heart and body was so far ahead of where he was. If he hadn’t screwed things up so much, it might be Buffy and he planning their wedding.
“What’s up?” Buffy prodded, sitting primly with legs crossed on the edge of the other bed.
The bed still made because they’d shared the other one. Wrapped around one another with a sexual frustration that kept him up most of the night, because he couldn’t, after all, take the girl he loved without giving her the promises she deserved.
Swallowing back his uncertainties, Spike forced himself to look her in the eye. “I’m sorry, Buffy.” She didn’t say anything. “Look, I was wrong about a lot of things. I’m an arse of the worst kind.”
“Yeah,” Buffy said.
She wasn’t smiling. Nothing except staring at him with confusion and hurt in her eyes. He was in serious trouble. Pushed the girl too far and she wasn’t going to give another inch where he was concerned. He watched her pick at a loose thread in the torn jeans she was wearing. A small bit of creamy flesh showed through the rip. He swallowed. For a second he contemplated telling her about where his heart stood. It was going to be so hard to be around Buffy and remain honorable. Somehow, he needed to finish groveling this morning, and get back to the case, so he could set things right. For all of them.
“I should never have made assumptions…about you or what you were doing…”
“You mean what I was doing on those dates?”
“Yes, that exactly. I don’t think you’re a whore…,” he stopped, sighed and then continued. “I wanted a reason to push you out of my life. This whole thing scared me. It still does.” Shut up, you bloody wanker before you put your foot in your mouth again. Got to get things right with Fred before you spill everything. He snapped his mouth shut.
“Why did you have to have a reason? If you didn’t want me around, why didn’t you
just say so?” Suddenly her eyes closed
and she clutched her hands together.
“That’s why you wanted me to go to
“No, god no,” Spike said, falling to his knees. He took her face in his hands. “It’s not like that at all. Pet, it wasn’t anything like that. You’re so young and beautiful with a wonderful future ahead of you and I’m just a burnt out cop without even a decent pension.”
“You were my everything,” Buffy whispered. “I thought you were my best friend,” she shook her head, “but best friends don’t treat each other like we treated each other.”
“You’re right,” Spike agreed. “You should have been on a pedestal, still should be. In a place I don’t really want to admit to, I wished that boy could have been the answer for you. You deserve the best.”
“I was living in a fantasy,” Buffy said, pulling away from him. “Maybe they were right…I made you up…tried to make you into someone you didn’t want to be for me.” She turned her head. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” Spike said, sitting back on his haunches. “I know I can’t be the hero you dreamt I was, but I tried…I wanted to be, but everything got messed up somewhere along the way.”
He felt sick to his stomach as she seemed to drift away from him. He wanted to hold on tight, but she wasn’t his any longer.
~~~~~~
Something was changing inside of her and she wasn’t sure she wanted to fight it.
The words were the right ones, yet she couldn’t believe them. Not now, not after last night. She’d practically begged him to make love to her, and he’d refused. Instead, he’d held her like she was a child in need of comfort. She wanted him to see her as a woman, but he wouldn’t let her grow up. The pedestal was too high, and she didn’t want to stand alone up there.
“Yeah, it did,” Buffy agreed, reaching for him with a trembling hand. He held it with a strength she once thought would sustain her for a lifetime. “We need to finish this so we can get back to our lives.”
Spike seemed stricken by her words, but she didn’t want to empathize with him. Somehow she needed to put him in another category, remember who he was and why she needed to avoid him. No matter how much she didn’t want it to end like that. Dreams of a happy future were raining around her like ashes.
The sudden ringing of the motel phone jarred them both. Buffy slid further down the bed while Spike reached for his gun. He motioned for her to get into the bathroom. With her heart pounding, she rushed for cover, grabbing the second gun from the dresser top. Holding it close against her chest, she slipped behind the door without closing it all the way. She wanted to hear what was going on as the sound of Spike lifting the receiver echoed in the quiet room.
“This is Spike.”
There was a moment of silence before he spoke again. “How the hell did you know where to find us?” Another pause, during which Buffy came back into the bedroom. Spike glared at her, before handing the receiver to her with a shake of his head.
“Hello?”
“Hey girl. You doing okay?”
It was Gunn. Buffy smiled at the warmth in his voice. “Yeah, I’m good.”
“Is that the old man you carrying a torch for?”
“Trying not to,” Buffy giggled.
“So, what room you two holding up in?”
“You’re here?” Buffy’s gaze shifted to Spike who was glowering. “Where?”
“Roaming the halls looking for you, little girl.”
She quickly gave him their room number, hung the phone up, and held her hands up. “Don’t, okay? He’ll be able to help us.”
“Yeah, just what we need is one more person involved in this. Should be real easy to stay undercover,” Spike said, standing up to put his gun harness on, which he covered with the leather jacket. “Why don’t we throw a party?”
A knock on the door saved Buffy from having to answer. Spike’s remark hurt. As if he was the only one who could make decisions. She knew Gunn could help them. He knew the murdered man, and possibly had more information on Luke. On her way to the door, Spike grabbed her arm so he could step in front of her. Holding his gun up, he gestured her to the side before undoing the chain lock.
“Who is it?”
“It’s a friend of the little blonde you’ve got hold up with you. I’ve come to take her home.”
It was pure Gunn. Buffy smiled as Spike rolled his eyes. Already she knew the two men would never get along, but it didn’t stop her from being happy to see her old friend. Despite the problems with their relationship, they’d ended it on good terms, both swearing to remain friends. Gunn’s gentleness and understanding of her shortcomings made Buffy trust him.
She rushed around Spike to pull the door open. The big man strolled into the room, picked her up in his arms to give her a hug. He kissed her cheek as he pushed the door shut behind him.
“Hello girl.”
“Hi Charles,” Buffy said, as she returned to her feet. “I’d like you to meet Spike, Spike, Gunn.”
The two men reminded Buffy of a couple of dogs defending their territory. After sizing each other up, Spike warily offered his hand to Gunn. They shook, with a brief nod on the part of Gunn before stepping back from one another. Buffy hid a smile as she gestured them further into the hotel room. The heat of a blush crept over her face as she watched Gunn take in the one unmade bed. He lifted a brow in question, but she was unable to do anything but look away.
Gunn took the chair by the small desk in the corner. He shifted trying to get his large frame comfortable in the wooden chair. Finally he gave up and leaned forward with his hands clasped between his knees. Buffy took a seat next to Spike on the bed closest to Gunn which fortunately was the one neither had slept in the night before. She couldn’t imagine the mortification she’d feel at Gunn looking at her in the place where she’d almost committed what she considered a sin.
“Buffy says you know the guy Luke had murdered,” Spike said.
“Yeah, he was a member of the gang I used to hang with,” Gunn said.
His face remained neutral. Buffy knew he was waiting for the insult that usually followed that admission. Being labeled by their pasts was one of the things that bonded them. It was a rare person who didn’t make instant assumptions when they learned the truth. She tensed waiting for Spike to respond, but she should have known Spike wouldn’t let her down.
“Do you know this for a fact or is this a guess based on some rumors?” Spike asked, slipping into cop mode.
“Don’t believe me?”
“It’s not that,” Spike said, leaning forward a bit, relaxing his shoulders to help put Gunn at ease. “We don’t have a lot of time. Luke has already killed a cop while searching for us, and we need to stay ahead of him before he finds us or Cassie again.”
Buffy watched Gunn as he decided to trust Spike or not. She prayed he trusted her enough to accept her word that Spike was a good guy, whether he was a cop or not. Just as she hoped Spike would accept Gunn, and the two would become, if not friends, at least tolerant of each other.
“Pretty much assumption,” Gunn replied. “But everything fits into place. Rico, my old second in command, has been doing business with Luke. He can give us some answers, but he isn’t going to incriminate himself.”
“I’ll get him immunity,” Spike said. “We’re after the big guns.”
“I’ll have to have an answer from someone higher than you. For Buffy’s sake, I trust you, but Rico on the other hand…”
“Understandable,” Spike said with a nod. “I’ll get it for you.” He held his hand out. “Deal?”
“Deal,” Gunn said, taking Spike’s hand to shake it.
Buffy let out a sigh of relief that the two men were willing to work together. This partnership might just work after all.
to be continued…
