Chapter 6
Buffy smiled in triumph at using her inept feminine wiles. Somehow, those inexperienced and virtually untried charms managed to convince Spike to help her on her newest quest. She wanted to shout her victory to anyone that would listen. It was a step forward for her in this game that was played between men and women. Maybe there was hope for her to win one day, but then she saw the expression on Spike’s face.
Confusion, mixed with a little fear was clearly written for anyone to read on the perfection of his face. Until only a couple of days ago, they’d done everything they could to avoid each other. There wasn’t any reason for them to speak, much less work together on finding another lost soul. She wasn’t sure of why he was feeling the way he was, but it brought pain to her own heart. Without thinking if it was right or wrong of her to touch him, she covered his hand with her own.
Her thumb lightly caressed the familiar heat of his skin, and what started as an innocent gesture became more. She slid her fingers between his until they were interlocked together. His eyes closed at the contact followed a second later with a shiver of desire. The intensity behind the motion was reflected in her own body.
“I appreciate you helping me out.” Buffy pulled back, tucking both hands inside the sleeves of her sweatshirt. She was uncomfortable, unsure of how to proceed now that the temporary easiness between them had passed into something more. A part of her wanted to throw herself into his arms and declare her need for him; but there was the other part, the logical part, which reminded her that he’d chosen another person to love. To keep from making a fool of herself she added, “It might make the time pass a little more quickly here.”
“Hard to be cooped up?”
“Yeah.” Buffy stared at the floor between her feet. Although this confinement was for her own safety, not having a choice about it was battering at her defenses. Having something to concentrate on, and the companionship of her friends, especially Spike, would be the only thing to keep her together. She shrugged. “I used to prefer being in the house all the time, but now I like…going outside.”
Spike cupped her face. It was a sudden gesture that made her look up at him in surprise. She told herself that he was only comforting her as she had done for him a few moments before. Yet the heat was there and if things were different, the way it should be, it would end with him holding her, taking her to bed so they could love each other until the doubts were all gone. A flash of a pretty brunette danced before her eyes, Fred, and she yanked away in guilt from the touch she was craving so much.
“I’m sorry,” he said, tilting his head as he tried to figure out what he’d done wrong.
“You should be,” she said a little more harshly than she intended. “You’re an engaged man.” She winced when she saw the anger replace the compassion.
“Stuck on yourself, aren’t you? I wasn’t trying to get laid, just thought you might need someone to care.” He leaned back in the chair, as far away from her as he could get without actually getting up and leaving. His head turned away from her so that she couldn’t read his expression. The crudity of his statement once would have hurt her, and in a small way it still did, but she wasn’t quite the innocent she used to be.
“Not really. I didn’t mean to…well,” hesitating, she sighed. “Sometimes it’s hard not to fall into old habits with you. That’s all.” All the times she was free to touch him, take and give comfort from him, why hadn’t she appreciated them more when they were hers? Suddenly standing, she wrapped her arms around her middle. She needed distance from him. From the feelings that were racing through her heart and body. “I appreciate you offering to help me out. We’ll need to get our hands on a computer to start with some research.”
“I’ll ask Lorne.” It was all he said as he stared off into the distance. There would be nothing more said. She was dismissed as far as he was concerned.
“Thanks,” she backed up toward the door, waving one hand toward the same. “I’m going to go find some food. So, um, I’ll catch up with you later.” Then she fled to anywhere she could find that didn’t have chiseled cheekbones, blue eyes, and hands that made her feel protected and loved.
~~~~~~~
Spike rubbed his hand over his mouth as he watched her leave. He wondered what the hell he was going to do. There was no way he could stay cooped up with that woman. Not only was his entire body humming in want, his cock was half-aroused just from that small contact. How was he going to be able to control himself while working closely with Buffy again?
It was why he’d avoided her so much since she’d returned
from
Maybe if he could gaze upon the funny little smile, listen to the blunt way she had of saying things, and hold those lean curves of her body close to him, he could put Buffy away where she belonged…in a distant part of his heart and soul where she couldn’t haunt him. He wanted to look into Fred’s eyes and see the love that shone there for him.
Suddenly his brows furrowed as he tried to remember the last time he’d really seen that. Fred was always loving, kind, a true friend and a hellcat in bed, but when was the last time he’d looked into her face and seen that he was the only one? It had to be there. Of course it was. Only his own confusion and guilt was making him doubt his fiancée. Sighing, he pushed up from his chair. Thinking about the two women wasn’t going to do him any good. It was as good as any other time to find Lorne and have the fight of a lifetime.
~~~~~~~~
“No, no, no, absolutely not,” Lorne stated, refusing to look up from the book he was reading. The only physical response Spike got was a small wave of Lorne’s hand. “Go away and find something to entertain yourself.”
Spike snatched the book, tossing it onto a chair across the room. Except he missed and it bounced onto the floor.
“Look, Lorney, you don’t know Buffy like I do. She’s a pit-bull when it comes to getting her own way. If we just let her do some research on the guy, it will keep her busy, make her feel useful until we can get out of this hellhole.”
“And possibly keep your mind from thinking about getting into her pants?”
It was only the knowledge that Lorne was a good guy that kept Spike from punching his lights out. As it was, his hands were fisted and waiting for an excuse to do just that. Even if it was the truth.
“No, I don’t want to get in her pants,” Spike refuted. It was partial truth, he didn’t just want the sex, he wanted the whole thing when it came to Buffy. Or he did, a long time ago, until she’d decided to find her pleasures elsewhere. Just like Dru. He wasn’t enough. He sank down onto the ottoman in front of Lorne. “Look, come on, seriously what could it hurt?”
“Plenty if they realize that someone is looking for their former mule, do a little detective work themselves and trace the IP address to here. In conclusion, we all end up dead.”
“You’re such a pessimist.”
“A pessimist that is right, hot cross buns. We can’t give any kind of clues that we’re here.”
“Buffy is determined.”
“Well, then undetermine her. Give in to what you both want and keep her in bed the whole time.”
“Asshole.”
Lorne laughed. “The woman is head over heels with you and you’re the one who walked away from the best relationship you’d ever had.”
“That’s not true,” Spike whispered. “Buffy did.” At least Fred was true to him. She let him know she enjoyed the sex between them and she didn’t find him lacking enough to find someone else. “I wasn’t enough for Buffy.”
“You’re an idiot,” Lorne stated, leaning forward and putting his hand on Spike’s arm. “Buffy was eighteen and you were the only guy she’d ever been with. Besides…well, she deserved the chance to check out the other flavors in the ice cream parlor without you getting your panties in a twist.” He poked Spike in the shoulder. “And if I remember correctly, you agreed with that assumption. You didn’t even give her a chance to decide if she liked Spike in a waffle cone more than the other choices. You ran off with Fred.”
“If she’d loved me then she wouldn’t have had to…try,” he choked back a sob. The mere thought of Buffy wrapping her legs around another man made him physically ill. She was his. He covered his face.
Lorne rubbed his shoulder.
“Spike, she was still a child when she left for
~~~~~~~
“Hey, Buffy, how much mayonnaise are you going to put on that piece of bread?”
Kate asked in a gentle joking voice. It did the trick. It broke Buffy out of the thoughts that were giving her waking nightmares. The game of ‘if only’ was a dangerous one. You couldn’t change things you had no control over. The only thing you could do was deal with the reality you were given. Dreams didn’t exist.
“I guess enough to clog my arteries for life,” Buffy joked as she placed the knife into the sink. “Sorry, I’ve got stuff on my mind.” She quickly added the turkey and cheese onto the bread before squishing it together. Grabbing the bag of chips, she joined Kate at the kitchen table.
“Is it Spike?”
“Who else?” Buffy
shrugged. There wasn’t any reason to
lie. Kate was privy to almost everything
in her life since she’d moved back.
Their friendship was strong. This
time it was more as equals instead of adult and lost child. There were still a few things that were only
told to
“Did something new happen?” Kate reached into the bag of chips to grab a handful. She munched on a few while waiting for Buffy to answer.
“I can’t be around him without wanting to curl up in his arms.”
It was said. Now she could face the fact that she wanted him. Sex, fucking, making love, whatever you wanted to call it, Buffy wanted it with Spike. Not with any other man in the world, or at least the ones she’d known.
Kate smiled. “I take it that you’re not talking about cuddling.”
With a flush creeping over her face, Buffy ducked her head before mumbling, “Yeah, I’m not.”
“Have you told him?”
“No, of course not,” Buffy said in horror, looking at her friend. “He’s engaged.”
“To a woman he doesn’t even love.” Kate raised her hand before Buffy could protest. “They’re good together, even good friends, I guess the sex is good enough, but they don’t go together.” She sighed. “I probably shouldn’t be saying anything. You know how I feel though, he should be with you. End of story.”
“End of what story?” Spike asked from the doorway. He was leaning against the jamb with his hands shoved into his pockets.
“None of your business,” Kate said, smiling up at her friend. “It’s girl talk.”
“Then I don’t want to know.” Spike sat down at the table with them, grabbing a few chips from the bag. “I probably wouldn’t understand anyway.”
The anticipation was killing Buffy. She
didn’t want to listen to their silly banter.
There was business that was more important. “So, did you talk to Lorne?”
Spike didn’t even need to answer. His silence as he dusted the crumbs from his hands was enough, but she waited to hear the words.
“It’s a no, Buffy. He’s right and I should never have agreed. We can’t do anything to draw attention to ourselves. If when the sting operation is over the murdered man’s identity hasn’t been found, then I’ll help you. Until then we sit here like good little witnesses.”
“No,” Buffy declared, standing up to put her plate into the sink. She leaned back against it with her arms folded across her stomach. “You can sit here and twiddle your thumbs like a useless lump, but I’m not going to.”
Spike stood. “Yes, you will.”
“They could still find us, and we could still end up dead.” When he didn’t answer, she prompted, “Right?”
“Yes, a lot of things can happen, but that doesn’t mean we walk around with a target on our back.”
Buffy strode over to Spike until she stood nose to nose with him. “When you say a target do you mean maybe,” she snapped her fingers. “Oh, I don’t know something like a yellow cheerleading uniform or yellow underwear?”
to be continued…
