Chapter 14 – Take It to the Limit
Spike was
waiting for her right where he said he would be. His legs were stretched out in
front of him as he stared out into nothing. A curl of smoke rose from the
cigarette dangling from his fingertips. Buffy smiled at the picture he made
while butterflies danced in her stomach. It was the second time that night that
she’d seen him so she didn’t know why she was so nervous. At least the stomach
flips wasn’t as bad as when the guys had first come in for the celebratory drinks.
When he had
walked through the door it had taken everything Buffy had not to run into his
arms but his grin had let her know he felt the same. Somehow they had made it
through without embarrassing themselves. The drinks had been ordered and delivered
with detached interest but when the guys had dispersed, Spike had waited around
until she went on break. She had taken him to the alley outside the kitchen
where everyone hung out.
Thankfully
there was no one else there because as soon as they were alone they were upon
each other. Four weeks of pent up loneliness and frustration was unleashed as
their kisses reached fevered pitches. It was everything she needed to reaffirm
that she wasn’t the only one falling. His hands had rushed over her body as she
pressed herself as close to him as she could get.
Spike had
noticed the changes she had done to her hair. Buffy had it done a few days
before he came home. Cutting it so she had bangs again and having silver blonde
highlights added to the honey gold. Her mother had told her she was crazy for
having her hair done so it would match the jewelry Spike had bought her. But
after she’d slip the shoulder length silver chandelier earrings into her ears
just the look on his face had told her it was worth it. And being squeezed between
him and her usual place against the wall while his tongue devoured her was the
reward for her slide into impulsiveness. When her break was over Spike had left
her with promises that he’d be waiting for her.
He was.
A curl of
excitement ventured through her when he noticed her and stood. His smile was
wide as he pulled her against him in a hug.
“Thanks for
coming back,” Buffy said.
They broke
apart and started walking toward the bookstore. Buffy reached for his hand but
found that he had shoved them in the pockets of his jeans. His gait was almost
a shuffle while he stared at the sidewalk. Something was up. Whatever it was
had happened between the time he’d left her earlier to now. She wasn’t worried
about him breaking up with her or anything but if he didn’t talk then the rest
of the evening might be ruined.
“Spike,
what’s up?”
“Nothing.
Why do you say that?”
Buffy
stopped and waited for him to do the same.
“Something
is going on so why don’t you just tell me?”
Spike met
her eyes briefly then looked back down at the ground. “Igotusamotelroom.”
“Huh?”
At least he
laughed before looking up at her. “Angel said I could stay at his place but his
parents are home so I couldn’t very well invite you there. Besides he’s
probably going to be at Cordy’s and you live with your parents so I got a motel
room.”
“So, you’re
inviting me to go to a motel with you?” Buffy deciding to pretend outrage used
her iciest tone and an arched eyebrow as she stared at him but she couldn’t
hold it when Spike looked hurt. She rested her hand on Spike’s arm. “It’s okay.
I’m glad you did.”
“It doesn’t
mean that I expect us to do anything or you know…” Spike trailed off still
uncomfortable with how she might react to his news.
“Spike, the
last time you were in town we slept together and I’d be disappointed if we
couldn’t have that this time.”
The grin
that danced across his face matched the warm glow lighting her from the inside.
They were still in synch from earlier as their hands found each other and continued
the walk back to her place. It was one of those times when the whole world
seemed to be working with you. The night was still warm and filled with the
sweet scent of the ocean. Buffy almost wished they could freeze that short time
because all was well. She sighed at the bottom of the stairs knowing that a
small moment of paradise was gone.
Spike
followed her up to the apartment being as quiet as he could. It didn’t take her
long to pack a bag for the next couple of days and knowing that Spike was poking
around her room helped to hurry the process along. She had already grabbed some
clothes when she opened her underwear drawer.
“I like
red,” Spike said, peering over her shoulder. “And that little yellow number
with the ribbons, bring that one.”
“Would you
like to pick them out yourself?” Buffy said, laughing up at Spike as he wrapped
his arm around her waist. He started to search through the drawer but she
pushed back against him. “Stop it, Spike, a gentleman doesn’t go through a
lady’s drawers.”
“He does if
she wants to feel good,” Spike whispered in her ear. He bit down on the lobe,
sucking it into his mouth. “Do you want to feel good?”
“Already
do,” Buffy whispered, melting back against the solid support of his body. She
laid her head back on his shoulder giving him access to nibble on her neck.
“How can you do this to me?”
“Because
you’re doing it to me too.”
Spike
turned her around in his arms, pulling her flush against his hardening body. It
was almost torture as he kissed her in a flash of heated desire. The world and
everything spun out of existence until the back of her knees hit her bed. Buffy
shook her head as reality crashed unwelcome back into her conscious. Somehow
she stopped herself from falling backwards.
“Not here,”
Buffy whispered, hating having to halt again. “Not in my parent’s house.”
Their
foreheads rested against the other’s as they attempted to calm their breathing.
Her fingers plucked at his shirt. For the second time in one night they’d
pushed the limits on frustration.
“Sorry,
pet,” Spike said, his arms tightening around her. “Guess I’m not being much of
a gentleman after all.”
“That’s not
true,” Buffy declared. “Let’s just get out of here so we can be alone.”
“Seems that
might be for the best,” Spike said. “I’m going to head downstairs and wait for
you.”
The words
unspoken were still clear to them both. He was leaving to get them out of
temptations way. But it would only be a temporary solution because they were
walking right into the lion’s den with a motel room. Hurrying Buffy threw the rest of the things
she’d need into her bag, grabbed her backpack and slipped back down the hall.
It took her only a moment to tell her mother where she was going but she knew
her father was awake from the stiffness of his back. At twenty-three she was
old enough to do what she wanted but it didn’t mean that her parents had to
like it. It wasn’t the time to talk to him about it and even with his
disapproval she wasn’t going to stop being with Spike as much as she could.
Spike was
waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs. He looked up to watch her descend,
holding his hand out to take her bags from her. She handed them over with a
quick thank you. An air of awkwardness had come between them, neither saying
anything as they made their way to the ‘Sea Watch Inn’. It was a decent
establishment that usually catered to families with kitchenettes in each room.
He handed her the key and allowed her to unlock it. Another way of once again
letting her decide if she wanted to take this next step. Buffy couldn’t
understand how he could think that he wasn’t a gentleman when he was constantly
doing things like that. Not once with him had she felt pressured or used which
only made her fall so much easier.
The room
was what she expected. The furniture was old but clean
with two beds and a dresser with a television on top of it. The kitchenette was
to her left and the bathroom was beside it with the door against the far wall.
She wasn’t sure what the etiquette was at this point. Was she supposed to throw
herself on the bed saying ravage me or wait for him to make a move? Needing
something familiar to do until an answer became a little bit clearer she
unpacked. Her jeans and under things were put in the dresser while she hung her
blouses, slacks and skirts. Not knowing what they were going to be doing she
had brought a little of everything. The present she’d bought for Spike was put
on the dresser top. Her makeup and toiletries were taken to the bathroom.
When she
returned Spike was out on the patio smoking, his duffel bag still unpacked on
the bed. On his previous trips he’d left everything in it but she decided since
this time they were planning on making this their home for the next forty-eight
hours that he should unpack. With a shrug of her shoulders and a quick glance
outside she unzipped the bag. He looked back at her just as she was pulling out
his clothes but he didn’t say anything so she continued.
“Would you
like a drink or something?” Spike asked, stepping back into the room. “I went
by the store and picked up a few things. There’s some soda and wine. Got some
snacks and stuff for breakfast.”
“A glass of
wine sounds nice,” Buffy said, closing the dresser drawer. She went to get his
toiletries from the bag but found another present tucked in the side pocket.
Spike had said he’d gotten her something else but she wasn’t going to assume
anything. So, she laid it on the dresser and took his things into the bathroom.
Figuring
that Spike was still in the kitchen, Buffy decided to go ahead and take her
birth control pill. She’d gotten in the habit of taking them when she got off
work. Tonight was a little late but it wasn’t like she was depending on them at
the moment. She’d just popped the pill from the packet when she felt him behind
her. Trying to be nonchalant she went ahead and took the pill, swallowing it
down with water from the sink.
“When did
you start taking these, pet?” Spike asked, reaching for the packet.
“After you
left the first time,” Buffy said, looking down at her fingers drawing
nonexistent designs on the bathroom counter.
“I thought
you wanted to wait?”
“I said I
wanted to wait,” Buffy said, turning to smile at him. “Not that I didn’t want
to.”
The pills
were handed back to her and she returned them to her makeup case. Straightening
she turned to Spike waiting for him to say something. There was something sad
in his eyes as he looked at her. He caressed her cheek and sighed.
“Buffy,
what are you waiting for? I’m not trying to pressure you. Said I was willing to
wait until you were ready but, luv, if you’re waiting for me to say ‘I love
you’ or for a wedding ring then it’s never going to happen.” Spike stopped for
a moment as his hand rested on her waist. “And if that’s what you want then
maybe you had better rethink this whole thing.”
It always
came back to these two issues. His refusal to commit and her virginity;
eventually one of the two was going to have to give. And Buffy already knew
which one it would be. She would have to yield and maybe by giving him all of
her he would see that what they had could be real and last. He wasn’t ready to
hear that. Only when he thought she’d given up those dreams before had he
stayed and now he needed that reassurance again.
“Spike,”
Buffy said, wrapping her arms around him. She decided to be only partially
honest because technically she wasn’t really holding back sex for either of
those things. “That’s not what I’m waiting for. Actually I’m not sure what I’m
waiting for but I figure as long as I have doubts then I’m not ready.” She laughed.
“Does that make any sense?”
“For you it
does,” Spike said, laughing with her. “Like I said before I don’t want you to
have any regrets so until that time comes, no sex for Miss Buffy.”
“And what
about Mr. Spike?”
The way
he’d said it made her wonder if there had been other one night stands that he
hadn’t told her about and that had somehow escaped Angel’s attention.
“Buffy, I’m
not going to be with anyone else while I’m seeing you,” Spike said. “Now that
we’ve got this thing going I won’t disrespect you like that.”
It was
enough for now. At least he’d made some sort of declaration to give her a
security base. It made things a little easier to know she was at least the
center of his attention. It gave her more of a fighting chance to win his heart
for good. Buffy nodded and looked down at the glass of wine that Spike had put
on the counter.
“Is that
for me?”
“Yeah,”
Spike answered. His relief was evident that she wasn’t bringing up the whole
Harmony issue.
Buffy
picked up the glass and took a sip of the chilled Chablis. “Thank you. If you
don’t mind I think I’m going to take a quick bath.”
“No
problem,” Spike said, leading them back into the main room. He sat on the bed
and was removing his boots while she grabbed pajamas.
Buffy kept
her promise as she hurried through her bath. Underneath of her pajamas she put
on the yellow panties that Spike had requested. She rolled her eyes at the
silliness of their obsession. Maybe it was because it was the closest he felt
he could get to what they covered. Her pajamas were soft pink cotton this time
with a camisole top. After combing out her hair she returned to the bedroom.
The lights
were off with a couple of candles placed around the room. But she barely
noticed them transfixed on the figure on the bed. Spike had removed his shirt
and was lying against the pillows watching television in only jeans. Their eyes
met for a moment when she put her glass on the bedside table. She turned to
retrieve his present from the dresser.
“Get the
other one too,” Spike said.
With their
presents in hand, Buffy sat on the bed with her legs crossed in front of her.
Spike took his with a smile but a nod of his head indicated he wanted her to
open hers first. She peeled back the paper to reveal the small box beneath.
Inside was a silver locket with a braided chain. Her breath caught when she saw
his name engraved across the front.
“Thought
when we got pictures you might want to put mine in there.”
“I do,”
Buffy whispered, leaning over to give him a quick kiss. She handed him the
locket so he could put it on her. “Thank you. Now, open yours.”
Spike
looked a little uncomfortable as he sat up to open his present. It was obvious
that he hadn’t expected a present in return. He ripped the wrapping off to
reveal the digital camera that she’d gotten him.
“Now we can
take all the pictures we want,” Buffy giggled. “
“You mean
like take nudie pics?” Spike said, sarcastically. “Are you trying to see how
far you can push me until I break? All this starting and stopping is driving me
crazy, Buffy. Now you want me to take pictures of you naked.” He dropped the
camera on the bed. “I can’t do it not without something giving.” He stood and
headed for the patio again.
“I’m sorry.
I didn’t know that it would piss you off.”
“Not pissed
off, baby, just frustrated,” Spike said, stopping to look back at her. “I don’t
want to hurt you but I don’t know how much more I can take.”
He turned
to head out onto the balcony again. Something broke in Buffy and she didn’t
want to wait anymore either. Spike was trying to do the right thing but why
should they wait? They weren’t going to be in love, they weren’t going to be
married and she made a decision. Buffy pulled her pajama top off and threw it
at him. It landed on his shoulder and leaning back on her elbows she waited for
him to turn around.
