Chapter 24 – Heart for Rent
Spike whistled as he made
his way through the halls of UC Sunnydale, never noticing the stares of
appreciation as he cut through the students. His natural good looks were only
heightened by the elation of his mood. A grin lit up his face while his duster
billowed behind him in a black cloud, and a red rose plucked from the dozen
he’d bought for Buffy was clutched in his hand.
The morning had been
extremely productive and soul satisfying. Buffy had seemed to be more at ease with
him even after waking to find herself on top of him. She’d been restless in her
sleep and only after he’d pulled her over him had she exhaled a whisper soft
sigh before drifting into a deep slumber. Her eyes had opened to find him
staring at her and she’d only grinned down at him. It would have been a perfect
moment for them to share but Angel sleeping in the next bed prevented any
chance of that.
The three had gone out for
breakfast and after dropping Buffy off at school the two men had picked up his
test results. They were completely negative which meant he and Buffy could make
love without any misgivings. But that was only the beginning of his reasons to
be so happy.
He had planned out an entire
evening for them with a candlelit dinner prepared by him, champagne, the red
roses followed by a declaration of love and a request for forever. He still
wasn’t sure if they were ready to be engaged but he could definitely give her a
promise of heading that way. And he was open if the discussion came up to offer
her a wedding. But before any of that was a surprise that would surely let her
know his intentions were in earnest.
Spike turned the corner into
the student union and quickly scanned the busy room for Buffy. It was earlier
than the agreed upon time to pick her up but he couldn’t wait to share his
surprises with her. He heard her laughter and turned to find her at a table
filled with friends. Some he knew but there were a couple of men that he didn’t
know and one of them was leaning over to whisper in Buffy’s ear. Whatever he
said was causing her laughter. Spike realized with regret that she looked
happier and more carefree here than she had with him the night before. He
looked around the union at the people gathered there and was suddenly
self-conscious.
This was a world he’d left
behind a long time ago and even when he had attended university he hadn’t
really fit in. Spike glanced down at his boots, standard black jeans and
t-shirt with the duster to complete it. He still looked as he did when he accompanied
Dru’s singing by playing guitar in the band. His hand ran through his bleached
locks and he wondered what the hell a girl like Buffy saw in him. He closed his
eyes as he tried to find the mood he’d had mere moments ago. It wasn’t there
and he decided to wait to talk to Buffy.
Opening his eyes he found
himself looking directly into unblinking green eyes showing their surprise at
seeing him. And it would appear after a glance that everyone else at her table
had seen him too. It was a temptation to still leave but he told himself that
he wouldn’t embarrass her again if he could help it. Summoning courage, he took
a deep breath and made his way toward her. Buffy stood as he approached, her
eyes drifting to the rose he still carried, then back up to look at him
questioningly.
“Hello,” Spike said,
stopping just in front of her so that she had to tilt her head to be able to
meet his eyes. He looked over her head at
”Hi,” Buffy said. She turned slightly to introduce him to the men he didn’t
know. “This is Forrest and this…this is Riley.”
Spike nodded slightly at the
man introduced as Forrest before turning ever so slowly to look at Riley. The
man who’d been whispering in Buffy’s ear making her laugh, the man she once
loved and wanted forever with. The man who was supposed to be gone from her
life. Their eyes met and Spike drew himself up to his full height hating the
six inches Buffy’s ex had on him. It took him a second, only a second to see
the truth about the other man. He wasn’t a man that was; he was a boy still
trying to be something he wasn’t. There was a cocky arrogance to him that made
Spike want to laugh. There wasn’t any contest between them as far as he was
concerned.
“Nice to meet you, Ril,”
Spike said, refusing to shake his hand. “Just want to say how glad I am that
you fucked up so I could have the chance to be with Buffy.”
“Might say the same for
you,” Riley said, grinning as he glanced at Buffy.
It couldn’t be. She wouldn’t
have.
Spike looked over at Buffy
who was flushing but still determinedly meeting his eyes. She gave a slight
smile before saying a little too brightly, “You’re early.”
“Yeah, I’ve got a surprise
for you and couldn’t wait.”
“Oh, really?” Her eyes
brightened almost matching her smile but then her look fell. “I have to finish
up these assignments for a project before I can leave,” Buffy said, fumbling
with the papers in front of her. “Can I just meet you back at the room?” She
looked up at him. This time he wasn’t so frightened but it still wasn’t the
open loving look he needed to know it was okay.
“I already checked us out of
the motel,” Spike said, trying to appear casual, like his heart wasn’t
screaming for reassurance. “If,” he waved his hand at the table, “you need to
finish up then I’ll catch up with you later at your parents.”
He leaned down and kissed
her cheek, passed the rose into her hand and whispered a nonchalant, “I’ll see
ya later, Luv.” He waved at the others before
turning on his heel. He moved across the
room with the same swagger that he’d entered it with. There was no way that he
was going to let Riley know that he was threatened by him even if his insides
were trembling with fear. He’d just turned into the hallway when he heard
hurried footsteps behind him.
“Spike, wait,” Buffy called.
He slowed down and turned to
look back at her hurrying toward him. She looked confused and uncertain. It was
even in the trembling of her hand that she laid on his arm to make him stop
completely. All he wanted to do was sweep her into his arms and whisper
anything and everything that would make her stay forever with him.
“What’s the matter?” Spike
asked, covering her hand with his and hating it when she withdrew her own.
“Why did you check us out of
the motel?” Buffy asked, stepping closer. The withdrawn hand now rested on his
waist. “Is there something wrong?”
“No, pet,” Spike said,
brushing her hair behind her ear. “It’s just…part of something that I have
planned for us.” It was the relief that made her eyes flutter and the regret
that twisted her lips that prompted his next question. “Would it make it easier
on you if there was something wrong?”
Her eyes flew open and she
stepped back. “No…no of course not. Why would you ask that?”
“Because since last night
you’ve been acting funny,” Spike said. “If you want out at least have the guts
to do it instead of stringing me along.”
“Spike…please,” Buffy said,
glancing over her shoulder at Riley who seemed to be bearing down on them with all
the finesse of a tank. Right behind him was his friend Forrest and
“It’s Riley,” Spike said
finishing her sentence, speaking low so that no one else could hear. “Is that
what you want? A bastard who’ll only cheat and lie to you.”
“Why don’t you just back
off,” Riley said stopping behind Buffy. His face was full of concern and his
hand rested proprietarily on her shoulder. “Buffy, you want me to have him
thrown off campus.”
“Why don’t you just piss
off, boy? This has nothing to do with you,” Spike snarled, wanting only the
time to talk to Buffy and find out what was going on.
“It is my business,” Riley
said, as he glanced down at the blonde that was between them. “Isn’t it Buffy?”
If only someone would
encourage him, Spike would punch his smiling good looking face without a second
thought. He didn’t though. Buffy didn’t deserve to be the witness to another
jealous fit.
His mood elevated when Buffy
shook Riley’s hand off her shoulder. His heart soared when she put her hand in
his.
“Spike, please, can we get
out of here?” Buffy asked. “Someplace private.”
Everyone else disappeared
because Buffy wanted to leave with him. Clutching at the small hope Spike
squeezed her hand.
“Sure, baby, I know just the
place.”
“I have to get my stuff,”
Buffy said, turning back to the student union but
Spike slipped his arm around
her shoulder and steered them to the exit.
~~~~~~~~
Buffy glanced over at Spike.
He was so angry with her and she didn’t blame him. Of course, Riley had to be a
complete jerk and make the situation worse than it was. She hadn’t promised her
ex anything other than friendship but he just had to imply that they were more.
A part of her had hoped that Spike would deck him but did that mean she didn’t
really like Riley? She sighed in confusion and rubbed at her forehead hoping it
would ease the unrest.
All she wanted was to curl
up in a ball somewhere and cry until everything went away. But it wouldn’t. She
had to be a grown up and act like a grown up and make grown up decisions. She
huddled closer to the door and ignored the looks Spike kept throwing her way.
The ones filled with hurt, anger and confusion. The ones that wanted her to
make it all better. How could she make him feel better about things when she
couldn’t make herself feel better?
“We’re here,” Spike said,
pulling the car to a stop in front of a small seaside cottage.
Buffy looked up from her
hands to find that she was in front of the old Peterson’s cottage. It was one
of the cottages that used to be the best places to live in town. There was
about twenty of them stretched along the coast south of town. They’d all been
built back in the fifties in one of the brief boom periods Sunnydale had
experienced. But like all the others it had disappeared leaving the small town
to return to its former isolation. The cottages had still been the best housing
until another boom had brought new and more modern places to the north of town.
The few affluent citizens had moved there and the cottages had become
affordable to the working class. A few were lived in by young families, some
were falling apart because no one cared to maintain them and, some like this
one, were kept up to be rented out by the owners.
This one was one of the
smaller ones being only one level while the other ones were at least two
stories. She’d known the couple who once resided here but had never been
inside. Spike opened the door for her and she accepted his hand as she stepped
out of the car.
“What are we doing here?”
Buffy asked but she already knew.
“I rented it,” Spike said,
scooping her up and ignoring her yelp of surprise. “You were supposed to be
happy when I did this but things didn’t quite work out. Still it’s no reason to
spit in the face of tradition.”
“The tradition is to carry
the bride over the threshold,” Buffy corrected, taking the key from him when he
couldn’t get it in the lock. “I’m not a bride.”
“Nope your not,” Spike said,
striding through the front hall to the living room in the back. He dumped her
on her feet and turned around. “Might never be if you keep playing games.”
What the hell is that supposed to mean? He’s the one
who said he’d never get married.
Spike strode back down the
hall and Buffy took the opportunity to look around. The living room was long
with a huge fireplace between two sets of glass doors leading out onto a
balcony. She peeked out the window to see that the patio ran the entire length
of the house. It would be a beautiful place to sit and watch the ocean that was
just beyond a stretch of beach. She sighed and stepped back into the hall just
as Spike slammed the front door shut behind him. He dumped their bags, her
backpack and purse in a heap beside him.
“Don’t know if your staying
or not,” Spike said, shrugging. “No reason to be bringing them all the way in
if they just have to be hauled out later.”
Okay, now he’s pissing me off.
Buffy crossed her arms and
met his gaze as she tilted her chin. “What’s going on? Why did you rent this
place?”
“Thought that would be
obvious, lamb,” Spike said, brushing past her as he strode back into the living
room. “Rented it for us. So, we’d have a place of our own. Figured you could
stay here while I’m gone.”
“Oh, so now I’m your
mistress,” Buffy said, following him. “I stay in the place that you furnish
waiting for you to visit for sex or whatever.”
“My mistress? You think that
I want you to be my mistress?”
“Well, you’re the one who
said he’d never love me or marry me,” Buffy hating the rising pitch of her
voice. “So, gee where does that leave me?”
“What the hell do you want
from me?” Spike asked, flinging his arms wide. “I’m doing the best I can and
it’s not good enough.”
“I want your heart,” Buffy
whispered.
“Tell me, Buffy,” Spike
said, grabbing her upper arms and pulling her closer to him. His breath was hot
and furious on her face. “Why should I give it to you now? How do I know you
haven’t been slipping between the sheets with Riley? Or if you haven’t yet that
you won’t the next time I’m gone.”
“Let go of me,” Buffy yelled,
yanking back to free herself. But Spike had already let go of her and she
stumbled back. It took her only a second to regain her footing and only another
second to slap him. “I’m not Drusilla. So, don’t be treating me like that. I
haven’t cheated on you and I never would.”
“Then what’s going on
between you and Riley?” Spike snarled, stepping closer but he didn’t touch her.
“Why all the whispering and giggling and…and him getting all territorial if
you’re not snogging him again?”
“We’re friends, Spike,”
Buffy said, sighing. She rubbed her temples. “Just friends. He’s asked me out
but I told him no.”
“But you’re considering it?”
He sounded so hurt that she
lost whatever anger she had. It had to be hard on him to be so far away and not
know what was going on. Forcing herself, she looked up into his eyes and
blurted the truth. “I love you but you’re always gone and I’m alone and…and
he’s here.”
There she said it. The truth
of her agony was looming in its shame between them. Buffy found she couldn’t
even look at Spike and she turned away. Sobs shook her shoulders as she made
her way to the couch. Everything hurt inside and now maybe she’d never know if
they could have had a chance. She found that by saying it that nothing had been
made easier. It was only harder because she realized she could lose Spike.
“Pet, look at me,” Spike
said, pulling her hands away from her face. He knelt between her knees, cupping
her face and wiping away her tears. “I did this to try and give you everything
you need to feel secure. But no matter what I do, how much I give you, or the
words I say, it’s not going to make a difference. It’s what your heart believes
and wants, not promises you’ve heard before. Promises that you know can be
broken so easily.”
“Spike, I’m so confused,”
Buffy said, closing her eyes. “Why can’t this be easier?”
“Because it never is,” Spike
whispered against her lips. He kissed her softly and released her. “And I’m not
going to make it easier for you. Call me a bastard but I’m not going to say I
understand and to take your time to figure things out. It’s now or never…him or
me.” He grabbed his cigarettes and walked over to the door. “I’m going to take
a walk. If you’re going to leave me do it while I’m gone.”
Spike didn’t wait for her to
say anything. He turned and walked away leaving Buffy with the hardest decision
of her life. She moved to the window so she could watch him as he made his way
down to the beach. He’d keep his word. She knew that much. If she left now he’d
never give her another chance. It was
one thing she knew without a doubt, Spike didn’t lie to her and he never went
back on his word.
“One point for his side”, she thought and hated herself for even thinking it.
It wasn’t about points, or even who was a better man according to the world. It
was like Spike had told her; the choice was about what her heart wanted. Life
was short and you didn’t get second chances so what if this was the only shot
she had at really loving someone.
Buffy turned away from the
window needing movement. Without thinking she moved down the hallway to the
front of the house again. The kitchen was on the left and the dining room was
on the right. Making a decision she moved into the large open kitchen. There
was an island in the middle with the pots and pans hanging overhead. The
refrigerator was a commercial one with glass doors that revealed a bottle of
champagne. She turned to the stainless steel stove and oven that shone with
obvious attention.
Spike has got to love this kitchen. He could really
cook in here.
It was one of those things that
he didn’t get to indulge in the lifestyle he’d chosen and Buffy knew this room
had to be one of the reasons he’d rented this house. She took off down the hall
again. This time she headed for the bedrooms and bathrooms. The first two
bedrooms were obviously guest rooms, plain and small with a standard bathroom
dividing them.
Across the hall was the
master bedroom and Buffy gasped when she stepped inside. Like the living room,
windows stretched across the far wall with a sliding glass door that opened
onto the verandah. It gave an unparallel view from where the bed was on the
opposite wall.
We can lie in bed and watch the ocean.
Pushing aside the erotic
thoughts that followed that one, Buffy hurried to the bathroom adjoining the
bedroom. Every feminine instinct in her wanted to slide into the garden tub
that was nestled in the corner. It only needed a few candles on the sides and
it would be heaven. She sighed knowing that she couldn’t make a decision based
on a bathtub.
What am I going to do?
The question pushed to the
forefront of her attention again as she sank down onto the bed. Her head shot
up as the mattress squeaked beneath her. Buffy bounced a little and the
squeaking only got louder.
Oh, no, this bed is going. I am not sleeping on this
noisy thing. My bed will go very nicely in here…my bed.
In that instant she knew
that the decision had been made. The decision had been made the night she’d met
Spike. She loved him and belonged with him. Maybe he’d never tell her he loved
her but he would be there for her, take care of her and try to make her happy.
It was time to move forward with her life not try to go back to something that
was gone a long time ago. Her future was with Spike and with a smile she went
to find him so she could tell him just that.
~~~~~~~~
Nothing was easy and Spike
was finding out that loving Buffy was the hardest thing he’d ever done. It took
everything he was and it was forcing him from any complacency that he was
trying to hide in. He sighed as he sank down onto the sand and lit a cigarette.
All his plans were destroyed. They were blown apart by Buffy’s indecision. If
it were fear about them being together or even uncertainty about loving him,
those he could handle. Those he would have swept away in a display that would
have left her no doubt that she was loved. No, she had to be confused about
whether she wanted to be with him or with Riley.
Yeah, he could have told her
he loved her. She would have probably taken it and decided to be with him but
he didn’t want it to be like that. He wanted her to be with him because she
wanted him. He didn’t want to be the security blanket she clung to. He wanted
to be the man she would fight to be with despite all the odds that told her no.
If she decided to be with him then he’d tell her he loved her. He wouldn’t deny
that by not telling her until he was sure was also a way to save his pride.
Spike heard something behind
him and turned to watch her come toward him. Her face was solemn but there was
something peaceful about her that had been missing before. She stepped in front
of him then knelt pushing his legs apart. He allowed her access to sit between
his thighs.
“No smoking in the house,”
Buffy said, taking his cigarette and grinding it out in the sand. “I don’t want
everything to smell icky.”
“I’m not in the house.”
“Still…maybe you should
think about quitting.”
“Bossy chit, aren’t you?”
Spike asked, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer. “I take it
your staying.”
Buffy nodded. “Yes to both.”
She leaned deeper into his embrace. “I was wrong about Riley. I was trying to
talk myself into something that I didn’t even want.”
Spike didn’t say anything,
instead nuzzling her neck. He kissed her below the ear. This was what he’d been
waiting weeks for. To have her, soft, warm and willing in his arms so they
could finish what they’d started the last time he was here.
“Spike, you’re wrong too.”
“About what?” Spike asked,
not really listening to her as his hand covered her breast without getting any
resistance from her.
“She’s cold,” Buffy said.
He froze wondering who she
was talking about then looked up to see her gazing out at the ocean.
“Yeah, she is.”
“She doesn’t have two arms
to comfort you or two legs to wrap around you in passion,” Buffy said,
squirming around in his arms until she could look up at him. “When you’re old
and can’t give in to her demands, she’ll toss you aside for someone younger
with a stronger back.”
“Will you still be there?”
“Always, Spike, always.”
They were words that were a
balm to his unsure heart. It was all he needed to lay down his arms and make a
life with the girl in his arms. He leaned forward to kiss her. She met him
willingly as they surrendered to the emotions that pulled them together. Before
he could figure out how to get them back to the house without breaking the mood
Buffy pulled away.
“Come on,” Buffy said,
patting his arm. A huge grin covered her face while her eyes danced in
amusement. “Let’s go tell my parents we’re going to be living together.”
“Oh, bloody hell…forgot all about that treat,” Spike thought as he stood to follow Buffy up the
sand.
To be continued…
